Broken Lies Jarvinia December 2011 This story starts mid-third season, after 'Fever' but before 'Games Vampires Play'. As for a rating, ADULT for a couple of adult scenes, (unrelated) graphic description, and topics/issues involved. No infringement is intended through borrowing the FK characters. May not be archived or linked to without permission. Many thanks to my beta-reader, amethystshells! Comments, suggestions, dark chocolate, white chocolate, cures for sun sensitivity, and vampires are more than welcome! Enjoy! ~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~ Broken Lies - (01/42) Tracy looked over at her partner...who was staring blankly into space. Again. Over the past few weeks, ever since he had been shot, Nick seemed to be acting ever more strangely. For one, her typically helpful and punctual partner had not only been periodically late for work, but he had stopped helping with their paperwork. She had held off saying anything as it had started a couple of weeks after he had been shot and literally forgotten who he was. He had deserved a bit of a break after that. But then trying to think of why the change--and it seemed like it had to be more than just what happened--she had been slowly piecing things together into something that sort of made sense. Could Nick be a vampire? Or, more specifically, had Nick recently become one...perhaps when he had been shot? Nick had died. She knew he had from holding his lifeless body as she waited for the paramedics. When he had initially been pronounced dead, she hadn't been surprised. Then he had just woken up as if he had just been hit in the head. And while the doctors had either been convinced or convinced themselves he had merely been grazed, again she knew otherwise. Nick had been shot in the head. The bullet or fragments of the bullet that had hit him hadn't even been recovered. Then, ever since she had started wondering about Nick perhaps being a vampire, she kept getting flashes of a doctor at the hospital that she could swear she had seen before somewhere. And she had. It had taken her a couple of weeks of digging to piece that together, but once she had started looking into the Raven his name popped up and so did his picture. The doctor she had seen was none other than the Raven's owner, Lucien LaCroix. And Nick's car radio had been tuned to a certain radio show done by the same man--broadcast from the Raven, even--oddly often of late given she could have sworn she had once noted how creepy that guy was and he had agreed. Nick typically changed the radio with an odd glance to her whenever the host's voice came on, which had only drew her attention to it more and made her dig more. She also started remembering other things, like she could swear she had seen Nick in the Raven, although when she couldn't remember. That didn't help calm her thoughts one bit, but she had the distinct impression Vachon wasn't the only vampire that liked that club. Either LaCroix knew about vampires or he was one himself; probably the latter given he owned the club, some of the topics he discussed on his show, and how Nick's doctor seemed a bit out of it when she really thought about it. LaCroix had done something there at the hospital and he had covered up what really happened to Nick. Then, of course, there was the possibility that this was all just her imagination. Nick didn't act like a vampire, or not like Vachon. But then Vachon didn't act like a vampire when around mortals that didn't know about him. Moreover, she didn't feel like she was near a vampire right now--they were at their desks, working--but was that because Nick wasn't a vampire, or simply because Nick was, well, too good of a person? Or, possibly she supposed, because he was a 'new' vampire? Maybe you had to kill to get that odd aura she felt around Vachon...and Nick certainly hadn't killed anyone. Realising she was still staring at her distracted partner, Tracy glanced nervously down at her desk. Before Nick had been shot he would have noticed and either commented or kindly asked what was up. Now he seemed more serious and subdued. Nick had always been less talkative than most of the others at the precinct, but now he was downright quiet. In fact he seemed almost depressed, and it concerned her. The only times he seemed his usual self were when he talked to Natalie. Tracy considered asking her if Nick had seemed strange to her lately, but still wasn't sure if she was possibly just seeing things inaccurately and projecting how she saw Vachon onto Nick somehow. And what was she supposed to say? She couldn't exactly ask if Natalie had seen Nick acting weird away from work, say not eating or drinking blood or something else that might be more obvious to a close friend than a co-worker. Well, she could, but she'd come across as the weird one. She also hadn't, as of yet, asked Vachon if he could somehow 'check' Nick for her and tell her whether Nick was a vampire or not. She, herself, still felt quite uncertain about her suspicions. She didn't have any real proof, just an odd round-about logic. She hadn't seen Nick outside during the day lately, either, but frankly she had never seen him outside during the day... He couldn't work days because he had already been sun sensitive to begin with, although it was probably widely different. I mean, her partner had a convertible, so maybe it was something that had just slowly gotten worse? He had never talked about it, not really, beyond the one time she had asked...which had been before Vachon had zapped his memory on their first case. She had also never seen Nick eat, or she didn't think she had. She had a vague memory of him eating at the hospital, but wondered if she had made it up...or if it even mattered. While that would have been after he would have become a vampire--assuming her guess was right that that's how he recovered--he might not have known at that point. And, again, she couldn't help but think Nick had never ate anything at the hospital to begin with. But even before he had been shot, before he could have become a vampire she had never seen him eat anything, but that was more due to their differing tastes and that she often brought her own lunch and Nick went out for lunch. If he suggested they go get something to eat or asked if she wanted anything she always declined: Souvlaki was...yech. Anything bought more or less out of a window you walked up to like that just turned her stomach. But he hadn't even asked that lately, which was strange in and of itself. Sometimes he even stayed there in the precinct all night and didn't eat lunch at all. That made her worry a bit whether or not Nick was a vampire. And he had been disappearing on her more often of late. She had, too, but they were both doing it and she knew Reese had noticed they often didn't know where the other had gone. Forget that almost every night Nick was a minute or few late. That was uncharacteristic of her partner, too, and a large part of why she felt tempted to talk to Natalie. Her punctual, by the book partner had become almost careless. Yet this idea that her partner could be a vampire was a new suspicion. It had only been the last few days that she was really beginning to think it could be true. Before she prodded any third party directly--either Vachon or Natalie--she wanted to somehow prod Nick himself, and with that thought she again looked up and over at Nick, who was still thoroughly zoned out. Remembering her last line of thought, Tracy asked, "You want to go get something for lunch? Or want me to get something for you?" "What?" Nick asked, abruptly snapping back to his surroundings. "I asked if you wanted to leave for lunch?" "No, I don't want anything." "You sure? You look a bit...peaked or something..." Tracy suppressed a wince. Peaked? Ugh. Better than pointing out his paleness and exhausted look more directly, she supposed...but not much. Nick nearly said he was sure, but to be honest a little something sounded good. He had been cutting back again after the last few weeks with being shot, the demon, and that illness. All had taken a toll on his system, and he had not only switched mostly back to human blood, but for a time he had been drinking substantially more overall. He had begun to cut back; possibly too quickly if Tracy was noticing he looked unwell and was suggesting he eat something. "Nick?" Tracy asked when she saw him zone off again. "I'll even get your favourite, souvlaki." Nick winced at the offer, and as a way out told her pretty much the same thing he had told Schanke, "Natalie's got me on some special diet. No souvlaki allowed right now." Tracy tried not to react to the comment about a 'special diet' and quickly suggested, "Well, pick something; it'll be on me." Nick managed a smile as he shook his head. Oh how much he wished he could accept...but Tracy would certainly notice if he either refused to eat or gagged on a bite of something, anything. "No, but...if you don't mind I think I'll stop by the morgue?" he asked, sitting up slightly and pushing away from his desk. Tracy nearly offered to go herself or with him just to see what he'd say, but she had a better idea. "Sure. I still think I'll go out for something, though." Nick just nodded again and stood. He grabbed his coat and watched as Tracy did the same. Tracy felt nervous as Nick seemed to wait for her, and they left the precinct together. She was thankful when he wordlessly headed to his car and didn't wait for her as he got in and drove off. Tracy tried not to appear hurried until Nick's car was out of sight. Then she rushed into her car, out of her parking spot, and onto the street after him. She stayed as far behind Nick as she could and not lose him. Not that she suspected that would be an issue. Rather quickly, however, it became apparent that Nick's aim was *not* the morgue. So too did his likely real destination, and Tracy took a chance and slowed. Instead of following him, her plan had just changed to seeing if he was going where she suspected. Several minutes later and sure enough Tracy found Nick's Caddie parked along the curb outside the Raven. The only solid lunch she could think anyone could get there would be a glass of blood, and she continued on by the club to find his car empty. Finding Nick assuredly in the club made Tracy even surer about her suspicion that Nick was a vampire. Now the question was whether or not to probe further or not? Or, more specifically, she needed to decide *how* to probe further. Actually asking or commenting outright was out until she knew Nick was a vampire with absolute certainty. That meant getting Vachon to tell her...and he might lie, anyway... Or Nick would have to tell her or slip in some way for her to know. If he was a vampire she doubted he would either know she knew or that she couldn't be manipulated. But none of that solved the question of what to do next... Her first thought was to ask Vachon, but perhaps she should try tailing Nick again. Perhaps see if she could figure out where he was before work...and why he kept showing up slightly late. Was he getting breakfast at the club as well? For now, however, Tracy needed to decide what she wanted to eat...when she wasn't at all hungry thanks to her thoughts... Zoned out or not, Nick would notice if she didn't have any sign of a meal at her desk when he returned. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. The following night Tracy decided to see if she could do just what she had considered--find out why Nick seemed to run late to work. So of course the first place she thought to check was the Raven. What she hadn't expected was to actually find him there. Again his car was parked along the curb. This time, however, she decided to take a look inside. She didn't stay long, not after seeing Nick at the bar with that LaCroix, the latter of whom was pouring two glasses of something red--clearly to her wine or blood. Being so early, the club nearly empty, Tracy had left not wanting to be seen by Nick. She had kind of decided the previous night that if she did suspect Nick was a vampire she would try to observe first. Maybe Nick was just 'off' from trying to cope with being a vampire, possibly against his will. Nick the sceptic a vampire... But if he was having trouble with it, she wished she could somehow help. She couldn't help but think becoming a vampire could somehow destroy him. He was a good person, a better person than most cops even. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. "Cause of death is...well, essentially being beaten to death. I'll have more specifics later, but the blood loss from the head wound is probably what eventually killed him, although even with medical attention he might have died. Not pretty and probably not pleasant," Natalie told Nick and Tracy a few nights later, her eyes on Nick. He had been having more trouble than usual at bloody crime scenes like this one than he had in a long time. Tracy didn't look the greatest either, particularly after she added, "His hands are cut and smashed to bits as well; hopefully we'll be able to get an ID with dental records, although about a third of his teeth have been knocked out. Brutal. You two okay?" "I think so," Tracy hesitantly answered, then tore her eyes away from the bloodied pulp of a human corpse and onto Nick, who looked... "Nick?" "When?" he asked, not looking away from the victim's fresh wounds and the blood pooled on the hardwood floor. "Recent?" "Yeah. An hour, maybe a bit more...which is when a disturbance was called in by a neighbour." Natalie nodded back toward the front door. "You two probably passed her on the way in." At this Nick looked up to Natalie, and then over to Tracy. "Do you mind if I--" "It's fine," Tracy quickly told him, watching him immediately slink away toward the front door. He couldn't get away faster if he had run--or flown--and she muttered to herself, "I hate scenes like this," as she glanced first at the body and then to Natalie, who she suspected had heard. "Sorry." Natalie shook her head with a grim smile. "Death isn't always neat and tidy--especially when you guys get called in. Think of it as another chance to build up your, well, tolerance. It does get easier; it just takes time." "Yeah, but...what about Nick?" Tracy asked, concerned. He was doing worse than her. "Oh, Nick'll be fine," Natalie assured her offhand and then knelt down next to the body. "He was hit repeatedly by what I'm guessing was a baseball bat or similar. There are a couple of splinters in the--" "Natalie, can I ask you something?" "Sure. Shoot away." "It's about Nick..." she cautiously began, and saw Natalie tense. "I know you two are friends, and I guess I'm just wondering if he's all right?" Natalie pursed her lips. She couldn't tell Tracy anything...not really. "Trace...have you talked to Nick, or--" "I'm just a bit worried," Tracy told her. "He's, er, been a couple minutes late most nights, and just seems a bit...spacey at times. It's new and I think getting worse." Now Natalie was worried. She didn't know Nick was running late to work, although she had an idea of why. Nick often went straight home, but she knew he had been regularly talking to LaCroix...which meant before work. Nick was late because he was at the club. If Tracy dug into that... And while Nick could be a bit spaced out at times, that Tracy was noticing it now was a bad sign. Nick had been careful around Tracy since she knew about vampires. Whatever the case, she couldn't give Tracy a good answer and told her, "If you're worried he's too out of it on the job I'm not the one you should be talking to." "No, no," Tracy quickly countered. "He seems fine when he has something to focus on. But when he doesn't it's like he's lost in his thoughts off in some other galaxy." She paused, then adding, prodding the other, "Almost like something big is troubling him." "Tracy..." Natalie hesitated, then latched onto the only thing she could. "Nick did have something big happen recently." "Being shot," Tracy mumbled. "And the resulting amnesia." "But he seems to remember everything fine," Tracy pointed out in protest. Again Natalie wished she could say more. True, Nick seemed to remember everything from his present, but his past was terribly fractured and some events were still lost that she was aware. Eventually she told Tracy, "Just because he now remembers doesn't mean the experience didn't have a lasting effect." Natalie then turned back to the body, and uncomfortable with the subject she changed it, "As I was saying..." Tracy nodded and tried to focus on work. She hadn't expected any answers from Natalie, but she felt better knowing she had tried. It gave her more to think about, almost enough to doubt her plan to go to Vachon. Maybe she'd wait just a bit longer... *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Natalie dropped by Nick's the following morning to find Nick zoned out on the couch with the blinds open. All of them. Without a word Natalie approached, pried the remote from where it sat clutched in one of Nick's hands, and started the shutters closed. "You're not going to win any awards for best tanned vampire, Nick." Nick nodded faintly, silently in agreement, not really hearing the comment. "Tracy's concerned about you." At this Nick smiled a little, although it was awkward. "I know. She's offered to buy me lunch a couple of times now. I wish I could accept. Not to get her to stop, but--" "I know, Nick." She lightly touched his cheek with her hand. Nick closed his eyes at the touch, knowing he would change. Any little thing seemed to trigger it lately, and Natalie's warm touch wasn't a small gesture, not to him or what he was. Once he had pushed back the vampire he turned to look at her and stated, "Everything that has happened...I want to be mortal again more than ever." "Have you told LaCroix that?" Natalie softly asked, gently stroking his cheek, hoping to sooth him. She knew the two had probably been talking nearly daily, but wasn't sure if recent memories and thoughts ever came up as topics. "Yes. I've mentioned it a few times." "And?" "Miffed and amused," Nick said with a frustrated half-laugh. Tenderly he pulled Natalie's hand down away from his sensitive face and held it in his. Looking down at their hands he whispered, "However much I want... What I want also feels so much further away. Unattainable." "Don't say--" "Don't say what?" Nick asked, audibly angry. "Maybe it is. Maybe it's not possible, either now or in the future." "Is that what you're worrying about, what you're thinking about when you zone out at work...or perhaps even when I come over?" She waited a moment, but he didn't move or attempt to reply in any way. "If you need or want to talk about...anything, just come find me. Even if you don't want to talk but just sit. Okay?" All Nick managed was a nod before he released Natalie's hand and tried to move away. He couldn't, however, when she gently gripped his arm and leaned up against him. Nick again closed his eyes and reluctantly let himself lean toward her as well. Her silent friendship tipped the balance between his want to distance himself from her forbidden warmth and inviting heartbeat, and his want to bask in those very same things. After a few quiet moments Nick smiled to himself and whispered, "Thank you, Nat." Natalie just smiled in reply and snaked her arm behind Nick's back to pull him slightly closer and tighter, pleased that he had relaxed some. Broken Lies - (02/42) Nearly two weeks after that first time Tracy had followed Nick on their lunch break, she sat in the darkest available seat in the Raven, scanning the club for Nick. He wasn't there. She hadn't seen LaCroix, either. Perhaps she had just come too early? After her chat with Natalie she had eventually decided to do more surveillance rather than talk to Vachon. And so far every single night she had found Nick at the Raven before work; he even went on their nights off. Tonight she had come a bit earlier, and Nick's car wasn't parked outside...but frankly she hadn't seen it at the Raven before he went in to work ever since Reese had given Nick a rather loud talk about being on time rather than late. It also meant she was now almost certain Nick was a vampire. How else could he get from talking to LaCroix at the bar in the Raven to his desk at the precinct...faster than she could drive there? Without a car. He had to have flown. And yet other than that Nick hadn't once slipped. At work he seemed normal...minus the spacing out if he had even a few seconds of downtime and that he still seemed so subdued. Despite that, she gave Nick full credit for solving the case involving the man beaten to a pulp. She never would have made the crucial connection. If Nick hadn't, she suspected before long they'd have a second body. Their victim had befriended a woman with an abusive husband--they were co-workers--and he had been murdered after the wife tried to leave and her husband had, apparently, beat the friend's name and address out of her. She hadn't been killed, just bruised with a few broken bones, and she hadn't wanted to talk to them...but Nick had managed it somehow. Nick had always been good with witnesses, especially lately...to the point she wondered if he was forcing them to speak. Probably not, though. People just liked to talk to Nick. As time whittled down, Tracy glanced down at her watch. She had fifteen more minutes before she had to leave for work. The previous night she had been late and Reese had asked if she was going to make a pattern of it like her partner. She had sheepishly lied, telling him someone had been over to fix the heat in her apartment. She couldn't be late again if she could help it...and she hoped the heat didn't actually break. She was running out of excuses. A couple of minutes later she finally saw the two men come out from the back of the club, Nick following a few steps behind LaCroix. She narrowed her eyes at Nick, and wished she were closer to hear their argument...especially as LaCroix reached toward her partner's neck to what looked an awful lot like a vampire bite... "Stop futzing with it and I'm sure it will heal just fine," Nick said, physically pulling LaCroix' hand away, disliking the attention. "It would already be healed if you were feeding properly." LaCroix made a motion to the bartender, and within moments two glasses and a bottle were set between them. "I'm 'feeding' fine. From you." LaCroix chuckled. "Only after I take from you. The small trickle extra you take and the few sips you take of this," he indicated the two glasses he worked on filling, "is not enough to survive on let alone thrive." Not releasing the bottle, LaCroix pushed one of the glasses toward his son. "Drink. All of it." Nick took a sip then stopped. "Now, Nicholas. Unless you want your supply restocked. By me." Nick's attention snapped up to the other. "Yes, I know you're out and have been for nearly two weeks. I will not watch you slowly starve yourself!" LaCroix paused, then grinned evilly. "She doesn't know what you're doing, does she? Your doctor friend. Perhaps someone should...notify her? Perhaps I should have a little chat with her." Nick stiffened and did as told, quickly draining his glass with a grimace. "Good boy," LaCroix praised, refilling the glass. "Now, more--at least until the wound is healed," he added as he turned away toward the bar and his own glass. From her near hiding place across the club, Tracy watched intently as Nick fiddled, seemingly uncertainly or reluctantly, with his glass. When he raised it and drank, Tracy glanced at her watch again. She needed to leave if she was going to be on time to work, and carefully, calmly, she started for the exit. Once back in her car and on her way to the precinct, Tracy realised her heartrate had skyrocketed. Tonight settled it. If Nick's neck looked unblemished when he turned up at work then she was going to talk to Vachon. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Sure enough Nick had looked just fine once he arrived at his desk. In fact, oddly, he seemed less spacey...but more frustrated. At one point early in the night he had slammed his desk drawer shut with enough force half the precinct looked his way. Nick had apologised to her, but his action hadn't dispelled any of either her concern or his frustration. If anything, it had heightened it. After work she went straight to Vachon's...only to end up waiting again. Vachon wasn't yet home. Sitting, she thankfully only had to wait a few minutes before Vachon entered carrying a smallish crate or box of bottles, which she eyed. She had seen them often enough to wonder why she hadn't thought of asking before. "Hi, Trace," he said, putting the crate down. Tracy kept staring at the box until Vachon stepped in front of it, blocking her view. "Do all you guys keep a supply on hand?" "What?" "Blood. Do all vampires either, I guess, buy or order or whatnot their own supply to keep in their homes?" "Most do, I think. Why?" "Most," Tracy repeated to herself, thinking. "So some might perhaps go somewhere like the Raven nightly?" she asked, still trying to figure out why Nick went there every day--it sure wasn't to dance, and at times it didn't seem like he particularly wanted to talk with his apparent friend, LaCroix. Vachon considered, then told her, "Some might." Looking Tracy slowly over he could tell she was there for something else. She seemed nervous and her heart was working overtime, her blood pumping... "What's your question? You got some case where you think a vampire might be involved? If they've got no food...some mortals eat out all the time, too, Trace. And some don't drink anything from a bottle." "It's not about a case. Not unless Nick counts," she told him somewhat bluntly. When he didn't comment, she asked point blank, "Is he a vampire?" "Who?" "*Nick.* My partner. Detective Knight." Vachon easily feigned confusion. He wanted to remind her he had whammied her partner, tell her that Nick was definitely not a vampire...but he didn't know what was prompting her question. "Why do you think he might be a vampire?" "Just...hear me out. He's been acting strange ever since he was shot--" "Didn't he lose his memories?" Vachon reasoned. "Forget who he was?" "Yes, but--" "Couldn't that be why--" "Vachon! Just let me finish before you think I'm finding vampires under every rock. Maybe I am, but so far they've been there." She watched him concede, then she started into her thoughts and wonderings, speaking aloud for the first time, "Yes, Nick forgot pretty much everything, from his name to his job to anyone he knew, but I'm pretty sure he should be in the ground. He wasn't just grazed like the news reported. He was shot in the head with an armour piercing round, a 'cop killer', and they never found the one that hit him. It didn't pass through Nick, either. Then at the hospital he was *dead* for almost twenty minutes before he spontaneously reanimated. And I think one of his doctors was the Raven's owner, Lucien LaCroix. And that club..." Tracy stopped for a second, then continued by saying something she had been trying not to think about, "And I'm pretty sure Nick got sick when you and Screed did, too, and I don't think his strange behaviour is due to his memory loss. It's more like... I think LaCroix might have brought him over--or whatever you call it--the night he was shot and that Nick's not taking it very well. He's been looking really bad at bloody crime scenes recently, too. He used to not look so ill. Actually, he usually does better than me. Or he used to. I'm supposed to be the rookie." Tracy paused again; Vachon was just staring at her as blankly as any person could. "And...and I've been following him," she admitted. "You've been what?" Vachon asked a bit more animatedly. "You think he's a vampire and you've--" "Sort of. I suggested going somewhere for lunch, he gave some excuse, said he was going to the morgue--oh, the ME is his doctor, I think...or friend, or both...something--but I followed him to the Raven. And he's been late to work a lot so I took a chance and before work he's at the club talking to the owner, that LaCroix, drinking either wine or blood... Nick would never drink alcohol before going on the clock, plus LaCroix is the one pouring it out, so..." "Didn't you at some point say Knight listened to that 'creepy NightCrawler guy'--" "Which is LaCroix, apparently. *He* is a vampire, right?" Again Vachon just stared blankly at her. She didn't really need confirmation and told him, "Tonight I saw them come out from the back of the club together--" "The radio booth is--" "I know, but that's not where they were coming from, Vachon. And, well, Nick had a bite wound on his neck. It was gone when I got to the precinct." "Maybe--" "Stop rationalising, Vachon!" Tracy said, a bit annoyed. "Just...can you somehow check? Please?" "Tracy--" "Either you tail him and find out or I'm going to...something. Either ask him outright, or test him, or--" "Fine. I'll try, but if he is a vampire he'll find out both who and what your snitch is, too." "Which is fine, right? If he is a vampire I want him to know I know about you guys. So...you'll check him?" "I'll try." "Vachon..." "Okay. I'll check him," Vachon reluctantly agreed. "Good." *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. "Trace, is something wrong?" Nick asked a couple of nights later while out at a crime scene. She was glancing down the alley as if expecting someone to randomly jump out at them. "You seem preoccupied." Tracy turned back to Nick and noticed Natalie had also approached and was looking at her. They both seemed concerned, and Tracy felt a bit stupid. "Sorry; and no, nothing's wrong." "Well," Natalie started, turning to Nick, "I'll call and let you know either when I'm done with the autopsy, or earlier if I find something that might be useful. Which probably means enjoy your next couple of hours looking through cases for something similar, because this--" "Looks like a hit," Nick finished rather grimly. "Yeah," Natalie confirmed, then moved off after gently touching Nick's arm. "Tracy?" Snapping her attention back to Nick at the sound of her name, Tracy realised she had again started scanning the alleyway. "Sorry. Again." "Preoccupied?" Nick again asked with a slight smile. "No more than you have been lately," she said and nearly regretted it. Nick hesitated, then nodded. "Come on, then," he said, gently guiding Tracy toward the alley entrance, his hand on her arm for a moment. Tracy nearly pulled away from the light touch; would have if it hadn't been so quick. Why, she wasn't sure. She didn't think she cared whether or not Nick was a vampire. She just wanted to know one way or another. Maybe it was just not knowing that had her on edge? Not knowing for sure if Nick was a vampire, and not knowing exactly how or when Vachon planned to check. Broken Lies - (03/42) Finishing cleaning up after the autopsy, Natalie smiled to herself. Neither Nick nor Tracy had much liked her detailed explanation of exactly where their John Doe had been shot--three times dead on in his heart. She had showed them the man's minced heart, pointing out to them exactly where the bullets had travelled. Nick seemed either revolted or like he wanted to eat the still somewhat bloody heart, and Tracy had left midway through her explanation with her hand over her mouth. She suspected both would have been much happier with a drawn diagram rather than the actual, disembodied specimen. Natalie walked around her desk and sat, pulling her recorder toward her. Then she froze seeing a familiar face she honestly never expected to see again except in some sort of emergency. "Are you busy?" Vachon asked, glancing back toward the door. "Not especially..." Natalie answered a bit guarded. "Do you need to talk to Nick? Or have you gotten yourself shot or something?" Vachon hesitated a bit thrown by the second question, although he supposed it wasn't too far out there. She was the closest thing to a vampire specialist doctor he knew...the only one he had heard of, in fact, and he had had Knight bring her to Screed... "I need to give you a message to give to Knight." "Er, can't you just tell him yourself?" "Not with Tracy tailing him wherever he goes." "What?" Natalie asked as she leaned forward, concerned. "She's sure Knight's a vampire and she wants me to check for certain. I need to know what he wants me to tell her." "How did she figure it out?" Then, knowing Nick would probably want more information to give a reply, she asked, "And what, exactly, does she know?" Vachon hesitated, but answered, "She's pretty sure of the who and when: LaCroix, at the hospital after he was shot." "So she thinks he's only been a vampire for a few weeks...a couple of months..." Then Natalie remembered the other woman's questions from over a week ago. Tracy had asked her if 'something big' was 'troubling' Nick. Probably explained her jitters earlier that night at the crime scene, too. She probably thought Vachon was watching and maybe Nick would notice. Damn it. "Yeah. And she's seen him and--" Vachon cut off, not sure how much the other knew, and instead stated, "She's seen Knight at the Raven." "With LaCroix," Natalie added with a slight sigh, suspecting that's what Vachon had initially planned to say. "Yes, every night before work." "And?" "Well, so far I've managed to not give an answer on him, but I'm sure she's even more sure about LaCroix than Knight, and she's seen them drink from the same bottle." He hesitated again, then decided why not--at least he wouldn't be the one that would have to explain. "And not tonight but last night she said she is sure she saw Nick heal." "What do you mean, heal? From what?" "She saw a wound at the club that had healed by the time he got to the precinct," he half-blurted the answer out, although he kept it vague. Natalie blanked for a moment as she digested his reply. Wound...a bite wound? She slowly relaxed. Of course. Hadn't Nick at some point told her blood contained memories? The only way to get at some of Nick's lost memories might be through his blood with LaCroix the mediator...the translator. "I need to know what I'm supposed to say to Tracy. Other than, I suppose, to confirm her suspicions." "Can't you just...I don't know...lie?" "She said something about asking point blank or testing him. She's sure Knight's one of us. She just wants corroboration. Lying isn't going to stop her. It'll just stall her from trying something. Make sure Knight knows that." He turned to leave, but then stopped himself. "Tracy hasn't yet asked if you know, either about Knight or vampires in general. Might be good to figure that out, too." When Vachon turned again and actually started to go, Natalie called out, "Wait! How are you going to get an answer?" "Probably from LaCroix--tomorrow night at the Raven. And make sure Knight knows Tracy might be watching, especially at the club before he starts work." Natalie nearly asked another question, but Vachon was gone, the door swinging shut almost before he finished speaking. She leaned back fully in her chair and glanced at the clock. Nick would probably be heading home about now. She wouldn't be leaving until well after sunrise, and this was definitely news to deliver in person and not over the phone. This would also just be another thing Nick would neither want nor really need to add to his recent few weeks. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Two hours after dawn Natalie arrived at Nick's. She let herself in, trying to be quiet but not completely silent as she dropped off her purse and coat at the kitchen table. She wanted to give Nick a chance to hear or sense her. Natalie then headed up the stairs to Nick's bedroom, where she found the door almost shut. Carefully pushing the door open, Natalie paused for a moment to let her eyes adjust to the darker room. Then she entered, slowing as she approached the bed. There, in the middle of the bed, Nick lay sleeping with his arms crossed loosely across his chest. The sheets and comforter had been pushed away and Nick lay on his side rather than his back as usual. He looked quite uncomfortable. "Nick?" Natalie whispered as she leaned slightly forward. She heard a half-moaned 'no' and she sat on the edge of the bed only to realise Nick hadn't woken or at least started to like he usually would have: He was still solidly asleep, dreaming. "Nick," she said louder, but all he seemed to do was shift and become visibly disturbed. No, he wasn't having a dream; it was a nightmare. Leaning over him, Natalie gently rest her hands on the bare skin of Nick's crossed arms and again said his name. Still nothing, or nothing beyond prompting him to curl up as far as he could and begin to silently weep. This wasn't one of his usual nightmares. Shifting, Natalie moved closer to Nick, this time moving her hands to his shoulders, and she shook him rather hard. "Nick? Nick, wake up!" At this Nick startled awake and he instinctively grabbed Natalie's arms as his gaze locked onto her. "Nick, are you all right?" It took Nick several more seconds for his nightmare to fade away and to then process his surroundings and the question. Natalie was there, in his bedroom, asking if he was all right. Then he realised he had changed. "I'm fine," he muttered and forced the vampire away. "What are you doing here? Is something--" "In a moment," Natalie told him, her reason for being there momentarily pushed away out of concern even though Nick seemed to have regained control very quickly. "What was your dream about? I had to shake you to pull you out of it..." "Nothing," Nick mumbled, releasing Natalie's arms and both rolling away and diverting his gaze. "Nick..." "It's fine. It's just a reoccurring--" He cut off, realising he had screwed up when horror seemed to take over Natalie's expression. "It's reoccurring?" Natalie asked, exasperated that he would try to pass it off. Clearly it disturbed him and clearly he had no desire to talk about it. "Okay," she eventually told him. "Maybe later." Hearing her annoyance, Nick relented, "It's about you, and it's not...I don't want to talk about it. Not right now. Not when I've just woken up. Please. I'm sorry, Nat..." Natalie pursed her lips in worry. If he didn't want to tell her about a bad dream right now, he certainly wouldn't like her news. "I hate to say it but I'm not sure what I came here to tell you will make you feel any better..." Nick, now confused, sat up and took Natalie's hands in his as she looked away. "Nat?" "Tracy knows what you are," she told him, figuring the direct approach was probably best. "Vachon came by about an hour after you two left. Apparently Tracy's been following you. She's seen you at the Raven before work." Nick closed his eyes. He would have rather talked about his dream. "Did Vachon say what she's seen? What she knows?" "She thinks LaCroix brought you across when you were shot. She probably saw him at the hospital, and recognised him and did some digging after seeing you two talking at the Raven. And, er, Vachon mentioned something about a wound--it was there at the club, but gone once you were at work?" Wincing a little, Nick shook his head as he realised there likely wasn't any way to change her mind. "So she knows I'm a vampire for certain." "Sounds that way," Natalie confirmed. "Vachon came to me asking what to tell her. I'm assuming probably just go along with what she thinks? That you've only been a vampire--" "Probably," Nick whispered. "I don't think she'd be thrilled to find out I'm nearly twice as old as Vachon. And that we both went along with pretending I was mortal...making her think I was for sure." Now Natalie flinched slightly. No, that probably wouldn't go over well. And then there was herself. Tracy knew she had seen a vampire's victim at least once before. "What about me?" "What do you mean?" Nick asked, his worry shooting up. "Well, did you 'tell' me what you were after you were shot, or did I already know about vampires due to my occupation? Or do I know at all?" Nick shut his eyes tight and bowed his head. He didn't know. "When does this need to be decided?" "Ah, I think Vachon was planning on asking LaCroix tonight while you're at work. He wants to tell her as soon as possible, I think." Seeing a touch of panic in Nick as he looked back up at her, Natalie added, "Might be a good idea. Before Tracy tests you. Or asks straight out. Vachon hinted that it was on her mind..." "Which could be a much larger problem." Pausing to think, he already knew what to use--the most obvious. He'd been a vampire since he had been shot, and Natalie...had either been told or found out on her own soon after. The question was what would LaCroix think? Other than suggest he leave, which wouldn't solve anything. That's one thing he knew for certain: He would not leave, run to some new life only to ruin more lives. "Nick...maybe just go back to sleep for now?" Natalie suggested. Pulling her hands out of Nick's, she placed them back on his shoulders and gently pushed him back. Absently nodding, Nick let Natalie push him back and tried to relax. He had nearly succeeded when she shifted to lie next to him. When she rested her head on his shoulder, her neck so very close... Nick shut his eyes tight as he pushed her away and rolled onto his side to face her. Natalie winced at his grip on her shoulders, but didn't fight him. Surprised Nick didn't flip her on her back and pin her down, Natalie whispered, "Nick..." "You can't--" "I'm staying, Nick. I'm not leaving this room, and if you force me I'll just come back up after you fall asleep." "No," Nick said more firmly just short of a hiss and opened his eyes, which glowed an eerie yellow in the darkness. Natalie wasn't frightened by him changing; even knowing fangs assuredly lurked behind his tightly closed lips. She had seen him change so often of late...but he had always managed to regain control. "Shh," she soothed, slowly moving her free hand to his lips and lightly resting her fingers there. Already she could see his earlier distress taking over, and he bowed his head and closed his eyes, trying to put more distance between them. "I can stay downstairs if that would be better?" "No," Nick repeated, slowly shaking his head. "You don't...what I'm dreaming about... In the dream I kill you, Natalie," he told her, hoping it would get her to leave. "I murder you right here." Natalie, however, barely reacted. When he had said the dream--the nightmare--had involved her, she somehow knew...his statement only made her want to stay more. "It was so very real," he muttered, nearly inaudible. "I can't tell what's real and what isn't when...I could see it happening--it didn't just seem real, but realistic--and I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have the past few years." "Nick..." she started again, but didn't think telling him, 'you haven't hurt me,' would go over well. They both knew it was a lie. Instead she asked, "Does something...instigate what happens in the dream?" "Yes...kind of," Nick admitted, but didn't want to tell her what that was. "Then let me stay. Maybe subconsciously hearing my heart beating will help you snap out of the dream." "Or it might tempt me on to kill you." Natalie cupped the side of Nick's face with her hand. "I trust that you won't." "How? I don't think I even trust myself." "Shh, don't say that." Nick relaxed, although more out of exhaustion than relenting. He did want her to stay, but just because he wanted something didn't mean he could or should get it. His happiness wasn't worth taking that same happiness from another. Releasing Natalie's shoulders, he rolled back and stared up at the ceiling. He shifted uncomfortably when Natalie again touched his face. Natalie watched Nick loll his head her way, and once again she could see his bright, needy eyes. "You do want me to stay, right?" "What I want doesn't..." Nick closed his eyes again. "You have no idea how much I want not just you to stay, but I also just want...you." "Hmm, I might know better than you think," Natalie told him with a smile, sure he could see. "Just tell me where you'd rather have me sleep. Either downstairs, where I'm at right now, the floor, wherever." "Nat... Here," he said, somewhat reluctantly lifting his arms out of the way as he shifted. If his hunger and wants took over it wouldn't matter where she was within his home, just that she was there. "Come here." Now Natalie was the one to hesitate. "It'll be fine as long as--don't start anything and don't let me, either." "And make sure my neck is out of reach?" Natalie added, trying to lighten the mood; he had probably just told her what led to him killing her in his dream. Nick nodded and weakly smiled. Then as she moved closer he pulled her gently next to him so that the top of her head just barely came up to his chin. Next he pulled her right arm across him before settling his hands on her back and arm. He didn't quite feel comfortable with her so close, but it did feel rather nice. Natalie found it easy to relax as she listened to Nick's slow, shallow but steady breaths. At least until they stopped as he fell unconscious a few minutes later. It felt strange being so close to someone and feel nothing but coldness, stillness, and silence...even when she had experienced all at some point before and expected it now. It took Natalie nearly half an hour of worrying before she finally fell asleep as well. Broken Lies - (04/42) "Leave," was LaCroix' instant answer after hearing his son's explanation of Tracy's suspicions. "I am not going to leave, LaCroix!" Nick angrily replied. "You do know she's here and watching..." Seeing the other tense and start to turn, LaCroix stopped the other with a gentle touch on the arm. "No. It may be...unwise to tip her off. It would create more questions." Nick closed his eyes, frustrated. "Can't you just... I know you have ways of dealing with resistors." LaCroix grimly shook his head. "Not when they are actively searching, questioning like this. And with a constant reminder of our kind in that friend of hers...she will eventually remember, including that she was made to forget. Unless you wish me to kill her when my meddling fails..." Nick shook his head. He didn't want Tracy dead, and certainly not by a vampire's hand. "Vachon is to tell her nothing beyond confirm what you are." Turning to his glass, LaCroix glared at it as if attempting to will it into shattering. It didn't. "He may as well confirm our...relation to one another." "And when she asks how long Natalie has known about us, about me, and how she found out..." "That is your choice. And you do know *they* will now consider you Detective Vetter's keeper?" LaCroix softly chuckled. "You spend more time with her, and now that she knows you can't pawn her off on the young Spaniard. Given your dislike for responsibility, leaving might--" "I'm staying." "Hmm, breaking your usual pattern..." LaCroix thought aloud. "I would appreciate your opinion on what to say about Natalie's knowledge." Nick paused, waiting, then when the other remained silent added, "Your thoughts, then, since you seem oddly lacking of advice." LaCroix didn't so much as smile or smirk at the near plea. "You have quite a large number of options." "I know that." Now LaCroix smirked slightly, enjoying his son's annoyance. "The most obvious possibilities are that either she already knew about us--certainly possible with her work--or she found out after your accident. The latter would be simpler...fewer details. But in that case did you tell her or were you found out? Does Miss Vetter know you two are friends and not just co-workers?" "Yes." "Yet again, that would be the simpler explanation." "Fewer details," Nick mumbled. "The other option would be to lie and tell her--" "No. Tracy would--she would immediately know it was a lie if we tried to pretend Natalie didn't know." He paused, considering. "So you think fewer details is better?" "Less chance of either you or Dr. Lambert slipping. And less questions to answer. If you 'told' the doctor, then the only real question is when. If she 'found out'...well, there's when, plausible details of how, etc., etc. The same goes for if she knew about us before you were shot. But if you 'told' Natalie...well, that would make your partner curious why her...and if you know it's 'against the rules' so to speak. Assuming she is even aware most like her are killed. That, however, might come up regardless." Nick didn't reply, thankful at least that they agreed...if he considered LaCroix' dislike of pesky details to indicate the options to overlook. Feeling slightly less stressed but certainly not looking forward to work, Nick reached for his as yet untouched glass on the bar. He wasn't remotely hungry. That changed as he heard a voice behind him. "Hey, Knight, just look confused or glare at me," Vachon said as he stepped up to the bar, then ordered a drink. Nick was caught enough off-guard that it wasn't difficult to look slightly taken aback. "Tracy's--" "I know," Nick whispered and turned back to his glass. Continuing quietly, pretending as though Nick and LaCroix were invisible, Vachon apologised, "Sorry about going through your friend, but Tracy has been tailing you whenever she can...and so far hasn't asked me for a reply." Nick took his glass and took a large sip from it before telling Vachon, "Ask LaCroix later for what to tell her." He glanced to LaCroix for a moment, then stood and left, leaving his still nearly full glass on the bar. Nick zoned in on the entrance not wanting to either purposely or accidentally make eye contact with Tracy. He walked several blocks, his pace slowing as he reached an alley. He entered, glanced around him to ensure no one was watching, then took off for home--he had left the Caddy there tonight. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. That night Nick was having a hard time looking at the computer for other non-local cases related to their most recent one, but they were still waiting to hear back from Interpol. Instead of his computer screen, his attention kept slipping past it and onto Tracy...who seemed to be having similar issues. He had tried watching her to get an idea of what she thought about him likely being a vampire, but she seemed no different than she had been of late. She did seem a bit more distracted than usual, but that could just as easily be from their non-productive search. "Hey, I think I found something," Tracy said and leaned closer to her computer screen. "Nearly four years ago in Vancouver. Victim was a dirty bank manager. Shot three times in the heart with a 9mm just like our John Doe." She paused, scanning the information. "No witnesses and no leads. Unsolved. That's not very helpful. I wonder if Natalie has an ID yet." "I don't know. Still haven't heard back from--" "No, Natalie," Tracy said, nodding behind her partner. Nick started to turn just as he felt a hand lightly squeeze his shoulder. Immediately some of his stress melted away as he remembered falling asleep holding her and with her holding him the previous day; he even smiled a little. "Here," Natalie said as she handed her reports to Nick. "Nothing new in the autopsy report, but your John Doe's real name is Jacob Wilson." "Work in a bank by any chance?" Tracy asked. "No, not a bank..." Natalie started, then told her, "Accountant." Tracy's eyes went a bit wide at that. Not quite the same, but too similar not to ignore. "Nick? Could you..." and Natalie nodded back toward the hall. "Sure," Nick said, not quite meeting either of the others' gazes as he stood, then passed the reports over to Tracy before following Natalie to one of the observation rooms, at which she shut the door behind him. "Nat--" "Did you know your fridge is empty? No blood of any kind. Not human, bovine, that fake stuff I was sure would sit in your freezer for all eternity... Not even some bloody ground beef or the like." Nick winced. "I'm just concerned." "I haven't really wanted anything since...and it's kind of hard to starve with LaCroix overseeing my...breakfast." He looked away, then commented, "You left before I woke." Much of Natalie's anger vanished; she could see that she had upset him as well. "I needed to go back home to get ready for work and wanted to see if the ID on your guy came back yet. I hadn't wanted to wake you; next time I can wake you up? Ah, if there is a next time, anyway..." She waited, but he didn't reply. "Nick..." After a few seconds Nick slowly nodded. "But if I ever tell you to leave you have to leave. No questions. No protests." Natalie nodded. "And, ah, what did you decide? About what I know?" Nick turned to face away from Natalie and rubbed his temples with his hands. "Still trying to figure that out." "But?" "But it might be better to go the simplest route. Meaning I told you soon after I was shot." "And if she asks me about LaCroix?" Nick hadn't really thought about that. "Just...try not to say anything about him. He wouldn't be all that pleased. As it is--" "He doesn't like how much I know. So, what, be as vague or noncommittal as possible?" While Nick didn't turn around, she saw him nod in response. "Are you doing okay?" "I guess," Nick answered, slowly turning. "That might change in a moment, though." "She hasn't said anything, has she?" "No." "Well, go on," Natalie said with a slight smile, trying to reassure him. "Probably shouldn't keep her waiting longer than necessary." Getting another, smaller nod, Natalie reached for the doorknob and opened the door, then held it for him. Nick paused as he passed Natalie and gave her a faint and fleeting smile. Then he headed back to his desk and sat in his chair, noticing that Tracy was watching him closely, curiously. "So, I'll see you tomorrow morning, right?" Natalie cheerily asked, breaking off both Nick's and Tracy's thoughts. Before Nick had managed to either spin to face or otherwise respond, Natalie had kissed him on the corner of his mouth. "Say 'yes'," Natalie whispered while she was still bending over, then again squeezed his shoulder as she stood. "Yeah, I'll see you in the morning," Nick replied, curious if he actually would or not. Her interest piqued, Tracy lowered the file she was looking at and leaned slightly forward. "Just Nick, or..." Tracy prodded, even though she knew the answer. She still hadn't ever seen his apartment, but Natalie's question hadn't been quite directed solely at Nick and she might be able to find out what they had planned. "Ah, just him. Movie night, or morning...whatever," Natalie said with a smile, then she left. While thankful for the excuse--and distraction--Nick couldn't help but worry a bit. "So movie...a movie date?" Tracy asked, trying to hide any hint of envy after having seen the somewhat non-platonic kiss. Nick's mood dropped a bit. "Without the date part. We're just friends." "You sure?" Nick didn't answer; Tracy would likely have her answer by morning when Vachon told her that yes, her partner was a vampire. He tensed and tried to busy himself with work. Watching, Tracy couldn't help but feel bad for bringing the idea up. If Nick was a vampire...well, they didn't mix well with normal humans that she was aware. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. After finishing up their work--finally they had gotten their call-back from Interpol right as they were about to leave, which she had volunteered to take it then call Nick with anything she found out--Tracy entered Vachon's place rather cautiously. "Vachon?" she called, but despite the sun already being up he wasn't there that she could see. "Hi, Trace," Vachon said from behind her. Tracy spun at the sound of his voice. "Vachon...please stop doing that!" He silently walked past Tracy and sat down. "So, is he?" Tracy nervously asked. Of course she was greeted with silence. "I saw you 'bump into him' at the Raven. He could tell you were a vampire, couldn't he? Which means he is one, right?" "Yeah, Knight's a vampire." "And?" "And what? You asked me to check. I checked." "What about the owner? LaCroix. He's one too, right? And what were they talking about?" "LaCroix is, yeah," Vachon answered, a bit reluctant. "And I wasn't paying attention to their conversation." "And what about, I don't know, info about them?" Tracy prodded. "Trace--" "Even if it was just rumour," she added. "I really don't know much about Knight," he lied. Then, somewhat truthfully he told her, "And I'm not talking about LaCroix. As it is I got told off after you left." "What do you mean, told off?" "Just that. If you want to know more than you already do you'll have to ask your partner directly." That's what Tracy was afraid of. "And how, exactly, do I do that? To ask anything I'd have to tell him I know..." "Weren't you going to?" "Er, to be honest, I haven't decided and I'm not sure how to tell him." She hesitated, then nervously blurted out a thought, "I think he knows I know, though." "Why?" "Because he kept looking over at me tonight." "Probably because he knows your snitch is a vampire." "Oh...yeah, probably," Tracy agreed, a bit upset that she hadn't thought of that. "And since he probably thinks I don't know about you guys he can't say anything, can he?" "He shouldn't." "But what about Natalie? I *think* she knows--or I'd think she might, but if she doesn't I think she should be told. They are really good friends...possibly more...and if she doesn't--" "You can't tell her, Trace." "But she might be in danger, right?" Tracy asked. "Natalie is my friend, too." "Do you trust him?" "What?" Tracy asked, a bit surprised at the question. "Knight. Do you trust him? Do you trust his judgement?" "Yeah, but what about LaCroix?" "LaCroix?" Vachon asked, wondering how the conversation got switched to him. "If he made Nick like him...I don't know, but would his thought processes be changed? Nick usually doesn't let people get to him, but lately he's seemed a bit strange. Vulnerable almost..." Tracy trailed off, thinking. "Could you tell or have you heard if Nick is 'his' or not?" Vachon hesitated even though this was something he was allowed to outright confirm. "Look, Tracy--" "Please, Vachon. Just--" "If they're talking every night...either he's taken Knight under his wing or he brought him over. The latter would be more likely, if I had to guess." "More likely...so it *could* have been someone else?" "Maybe." "You didn't, did you?" Tracy accused, realising she had ruled out the one vampire Nick had actually met for sure before he'd been shot. "What?" Vachon asked, surprised. "No." Tracy relaxed. She trusted the other's quick reactions more than the thoughtful, calm replies. Sometimes those felt like he was hiding something. "What about my question? Could LaCroix somehow influence Nick? Or could becoming a vampire somehow change him?" "You've said Knight's a sceptic. Is he still?" "Er, yeah. I'm not sure he's changed *that* much. He just seems a bit off lately." "Well, there's your answer. He's probably just trying to cope with the differences--having to drink blood...I mean everything nowadays is well-cooked and processed. Usually vampires' need for it outweighs the--" "Ick factor?" Tracy suggested. "Maybe. But most new vampires leave their lives. And being a cop of any kind is an unusual job choice for any vampire." "Why?" "Because...blood, working so close with so many mortals, and you go after...hunt people. All of those would either incite our hunger or put us on edge." "So Nick might be acting odd due to that..." Tracy thought. "And adding me knowing what he is might not help him any. Or should I tell him? Would that help him?" Vachon had no idea what to say. Knight already knew Tracy knew about vampires--and about him, for that matter. "I really don't know, Tracy. You know him better than I do. About all I know is I don't think he likes me much." "Sorry." Tracy yawned. "And sorry; I should go. Been spending too much time following Nick around and not enough at home sleeping." Tracy turned to leave only to spin back and ask, "Vachon? Could you keep an ear out for any comments about Nick I might want to know about?" "Like what?" "Just...I guess big stuff. Like if he goes--well, what's the vamp equivalent of 'going postal'?" "In this century...just actually acting like a vampire." "Great. And thanks." This time she gave him a sheepish smile before turning and sleepily leaving. Broken Lies - (05/42) A week had passed, but nothing had changed. Tracy still hadn't told Nick she knew he was a vampire. To her Nick still seemed almost depressed...subdued at the very least. She also noticed that Natalie was making more trips in than usual--quite a few of them while she wasn't even working or when she didn't have anything to drop off at the 96th. Nick always seemed to be in a good mood for the next half an hour to hour after Natalie dropped by. Then, however, sometimes Nick's mood became even worse than before Natalie had come over. He had even left the precinct once without warning and popped back up over an hour later looking, if possible, even worse--a dark shadow of some kind seeming to engulf him. Tracy looked over at him as he drove; he looked forward, lost in thought. They had been out making what was likely their last attempt to find something, anything, that might explain why Jacob Wilson had been shot, although they both figured it had something to do with his work. But all of Mr. Wilson's files came back squeaky clean. Nick hadn't been at all pleased upon realising this case was likely going to end up on the unsolved pile. It would end up just like the four-year-old case from Vancouver that seemed too similar not to be a coincidence. Now they were on their way back to the 96th, although Nick was taking a rather long route--they had already nearly made it back and then Nick had just kept on going. They had only just turned around again when Tracy abruptly noticed Nick's attention had shifted up from the road and she felt that they had sped up. Following Nick's gaze, Tracy quickly spotted what he was looking at: An apartment or townhouse in flames. "Tracy--" "On it," she said and pulled the radio up to call it in just as Nick pulled off across the street. Just as she had finished with dispatch, she watched Nick get out and start toward the building at a run. Tracy pushed her door open and stood, yelling after him, "Nick!" but by then he had already vanished inside. Looking between the burning building and the radio, Tracy was torn between what she should do as a cop--call in that her partner had gone in--and what she should do as...his friend, or whatever the vampire stuff fell under. She had a feeling it was just as if not more dangerous for Nick the vampire to go in like this as for, well, Nick-the-assumed-normal-cop. "Damn it, Nick," she muttered to herself. Tracy stood there for a moment more, then slammed her door and angrily started across the street. Even before she had stepped onto the sidewalk she could see the entry Nick had vanished into was now impassable. Sirens wailed in the distance as Tracy then started for the side of the building, hoping Nick had found another way out. Why he would even go in, though... As she checked the second side of the building, she thought she saw something near the back of the alley. As a precaution she drew her weapon as she moved closer. She could hear someone coughing and could make out two forms. One looked a lot like... "Nick?" It was Nick, but he was busy gently lowering the limp body of a woman to the ground. Pain seared his arm--his coat had been burned through to his skin and even past that--but he turned toward Tracy with a smile. Tracy lowered and re-holstered her weapon, then forgot what she was going to scream at him when she saw a little girl no more than four-years-old clinging to Nick's leg. Her eyes widened seeing the unconscious woman leaning against the adjoining building. "Oh, God, is she--" "She'll be fine, but they both need to be seen by the paramedics." He then reached down and painfully pried the child's hands from where they clutched his clothes, then he hoisted her easily into the air with a flinch as he handed her to a reluctant Tracy. "Take her out to the street. I'll be right behind you." Tracy nodded and started toward the street with the coughing child, where she could then see flashing lights. Once sure Tracy was leaving, Nick leaned over the woman and woke her with a touch. He had put her to sleep so that she would not remember how she and her daughter--the only occupants in the building at the time that he could tell--had been rescued. "What happened?" the woman asked as she coughed, clearing her lungs more fully of smoke. "I found you passed out in the alley." Then the woman tried to stand, panicked. "My daughter, where--" "My partner has her," Nick said, helping the woman up and glancing toward where Tracy had headed...and apparently stopped after hearing voices. "We're metro police detectives." He easily started the woman after Tracy and the young girl. The alley was getting rather warm; they had to leave. The next couple of minutes were madness. First came the fire trucks. Soon after the paramedics arrived and Tracy helped Nick hand the woman and her daughter over to them. Now, with things settling down including the fire itself, they were waiting to have their statements taken. While obviously not their case, unless perhaps if someone had died, they had been first on the scene. Tracy kept glancing over at Nick, who would then look away. Nick had been injured, or more precisely burned: Bloody-looking skin peeked through a rather large hole in his coat and shirt. He was keeping that arm away from her--and everyone else. Whoever would question them would surely notice. Forget that Nick seemed distracted, like he wanted or needed to leave. He probably *did* need to leave. Making up her mind, Tracy stepped in front of her partner and slowly reached for his arm, just wanting to see for herself. Surprisingly she managed to grab his wrist, but his other hand snapped up hers almost simultaneously. His grip was painful. "Nick, please, let me see your--" "It's fine," Nick answered, forcing Tracy's hand away. "No, it's not." Then, lowering her voice to a whisper, she told him, "Look, I know what you are. I know all about...vampires." The last word was barely audible. "If you need to go, go. I'll cover for you." Nick just stiffened at the revelation, not sure what to say. He closed his eyes; he did rather want to leave...he needed at minimum a new shirt and at least a small amount of blood. At least they wouldn't have to be dancing around what Tracy had figured out any longer, although that meant they'd have to talk about it. "Nick? Really, you don't look that good. Just go. We can talk about this later." The idea of postponing their conversation for later rather appealed to Nick, and after a slight pause he nodded and silently walked away. Tracy watched him vanish into an alley, then she turned to look behind her. Nick had left his car, and she groaned. He had better have left the keys. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Nearly half an hour later Nick paused outside Natalie's work. He had planned on simply going home to change and then going by the Raven for blood, but upon arriving home he had gotten a better look at the wound...and some of the material from his shirt and coat had practically fused with the semi-healed burn. He needed Natalie's help and he couldn't wait until his shift was over. He just hoped she wasn't mid-autopsy. Entering the building, he made his way to Natalie's lab. He slid into the room noiselessly and, seeing she was looking at something under a microscope, he laid his fresh shirt and coat carefully on the autopsy table. He then stayed out of sight and quiet until she had finished, at which he asked, "Nat?" Natalie spun, surprised she hadn't heard Nick enter, and then she noticed what looked like a coat on the slab. It was Nick's, but... Then her eyes saw a rather raw looking bit of skin on Nick's left forearm. She started forward in worry and pulled his injured arm gently closer. "I could use a bit of help..." "I'd say," Natalie murmured as she turned his arm. "I think you need more than a bit, Nick." "Do you have time to squeeze me in?" "I can always squeeze you in. Should I ask how you got this?" "Thanks." Nick managed a smile, then as Natalie turned away to retrieve supplies he carefully and painfully pulled off his coat. "And there was an apartment fire. A woman and her daughter..." "And you went in for them," Natalie stated when he paused. Nick nodded. "On the way out...I got too close to the flames, and with taking them both I couldn't put it out right away." He laid his ruined trench-coat next to the replacement he brought. "Over here, Nick," Natalie said as she set a dish and tweezers on the counter and turned. Nick was right there looking slightly sheepish as he undid the cuff on his left shirt sleeve. When he moved to push it up, she told him, "Not just yet; I want to look at it before you do that. Lay your arm here on the counter." Once he had done so, she started examining the burn more closely. "How long ago did you get this?" "About forty minutes, maybe?" "Shouldn't it be--" Then she cut off, remembering Nick's self-imposed near-starvation diet he seemed to have put himself on and stayed on of late. Plus with the way the wound looked, whether he needed or wanted blood he probably came there, first. "Have you had anything?" "No. I thought it might be easier for you if I didn't." He closed his eyes upon feeling a stab of pain as she poked around the wound. Then he told her, "Tracy saw the burn. She told me she knew and that I could leave." "Well, that's good. At least you won't have to pretend you don't know she knows." "But now we'll have to talk about it." Natalie straightened. "Okay, now you can push that sleeve up." Doing so, evenly and carefully, Nick flinched as the fabric scraped over the half-healed burn and tugged at the burned fibres stuck to his skin. He was thankful Natalie hadn't noticed his pain, but as she started he twitched whenever the metal touched his skin or a fibre was pulled free. When Nick's whole body seemed to flinch for the half-dozenth time, Natalie stopped and looked up at him. "Nick..." "Just finish." "I'm hurting you." "It's a burn. It'll hurt until it's healed." "Then maybe--" "No. Continue. Any pain I deserve." "Not for what you did. You got this saving lives." "For some of the things I've done I deserve far worse." Seeing that she was frustrated at his reply, he apologised, "I'm sorry. Please, just continue." Natalie wished she could tell him otherwise, that he deserved far more...far better than he believed. He would just continue with counter arguments until they both felt miserable. Smiling up at Nick she gave him a light kiss on his cheek, at which he first just stared down at her...then he looked away. Focusing, Natalie returned to her gruesome task of removing fabric fibres from a live patient, trying to ignore how very close Nick seemed to be to her...closer than necessary. Nick closed his eyes, willing any pain away. It wasn't as difficult as he expected. For one, the wound seemed to protest less the more fibres Natalie removed. For another, he was...hungry. His want, need for blood had become so strong...and Natalie stood so close, had to with what she was doing. Her kiss had just... He opened his eyes, which he knew had changed, and zoned in on her neck. Instinctively he leaned forward, then suddenly he turned his head away and rest his head on Natalie's shoulder as his free hand gripped her upper arm in an attempt to keep the hunger under control. He closed his eyes in pain as metal scraped across the burn. "Nick..." Natalie put the tweezers on the dish she was putting the fibres in and turned, pushing Nick back. Immediately she knew what was wrong. Nick's eyes were glowing an odd orange-ish yellow, and while she couldn't see them she knew his fangs lay waiting, hiding. Without a word she moved away from him and retrieved first a unit of blood, then grabbed one of the clear glass mugs she often put Nick's concoctions in and rather unceremoniously emptied the bag's contents into it. Then she took it back to Nick, who backed away. "You need it." "Not yet," Nick told her gravely past his fangs. Reluctantly Natalie placed the mug on the counter. "Okay. Fine. Arm back on the counter, then." Nick complied, but almost the instant she started she again felt him hovering, impeding her range of motion. She stopped, again put down the tweezers, then pushed Nick back by the shoulders and swivelled him back so that his back was flat against the counter. "I'm sorry." "It's fine. I just needed to be able to move my arm and I couldn't." Getting an odd, fanged smile, Natalie couldn't help but smile as well. "Just...stay there. I'm almost done." Nick nodded and again closed his eyes as Natalie continued. About five minutes later the prodding of his arm abruptly ceased, and he looked over at Natalie only to find the mug of blood held out right in front of him. He flinched back slightly at first, then took it carefully, staring at it. "Drink up. And don't make some--" Natalie cut off as he did just that, cringing as he took a sip of it as if it were some puréed vegetable drink. She cleaned up, then came back to check on Nick's arm. Even in a few minutes, with the fibres removed and a few swallows of blood, the burnt, raw, practically bleeding flesh had become soft. And while rather reddish, it looked more like a bad sunburn than a barbecued and subsequently sliced to bits human arm. "Feeling better?" "I no longer feel like I'm being stuck with a hot poker every few seconds," Nick said and took another sip of the blood. "Well, that's--" Natalie cut off hearing the morgue door swing open. Tracy entered and froze as her gaze caught on the glass of thick, dark red liquid her partner was drinking. Blood. Tearing her eyes away, Tracy then glanced at Natalie before settling on Nick. While it seemed like Natalie had to know what was in the glass mug, Tracy asked vaguely, "Are you all right, Nick?" "He's fine," Natalie answered, then took the glass from Nick and put it out of sight on the counter behind him. "Er, Nick? I've been looking for you... You still need to give your statement..." Tracy shifted, uncomfortable. "Do you, ah, want me to wait for you, or?" "I think Nick is about ready to leave, so--" "Wait in the Caddie," Nick told Tracy, not meeting her gaze. Tracy hesitated, but then quickly nodded and left. "Nat--" "You can't just ignore her," Natalie told him. "Did you bring a shirt?" Nick nodded, then tensed as Natalie pushed off his holster. Once it sat on the counter he was thankful when she went to the steel table where his fresh jacket and shirt lay rather than undo his shirt. He quickly unbuttoned and took off his shirt, looking away as Natalie abruptly took it and handed him the clean, undamaged one. Silently he pulled it on, buttoning just the front before he reached for the mug and quickly downed the rather substantial amount that remained. "Do you want or need more?" Natalie asked as Nick finished fixing his shirt, tucking it in and buttoning the cuffs. When he reached for his holster and put it back on, Natalie then tugged on one of his arms, turning him and once again pushing him back against the counter. He didn't fight her one bit. "Nick?" "I'll be fine. The burn is healed." "It's not the burn I'm worried about." "I know." Natalie put her hands on Nick's shoulders, smoothing the straps of his holster. "I'll go by your place later and put away some things that might pique Tracy's, ah, imagination." Seeing him about to protest, she told him, "It might be a good idea if you two talk. I'll stay...either until you get home or all day." Taking in a long, deep breath, Nick nodded. He smiled at her for her thoughtfulness, then kissed her lightly on the forehead. "Er, sorry," Tracy said as she re-entered. "C-captain wants us back." Nick simply nodded again, then grabbed the leather jacket he had brought and shrugged it on. After retrieving and putting away his badge and a few other items, Nick glanced from Tracy to the door and back. Taking the hint, Tracy left and headed back to Nick's car, waiting by the passenger side. When Nick came out she asked, "Do you want me to drive, or--" She stopped mid-question as Nick ignored her and just got in the driver's side, then by the time she opened her own door she found Nick's hand outstretched for the keys. She pulled them out and handed them to him, and within seconds he had started the car, pulled out of the parking spot, and turned onto the street. "Look, Nick, I'm sorry--" "We can talk about this later." "I should have told you when--" "I said later! Do you need a definition?" Nick snapped. "No, I just--" Tracy cut off as Nick took a turn a bit too quickly. "Later," Nick said more calmly. "I promise we'll talk." Tracy looked out the window. She knew they didn't have time right now, but it didn't change how she felt. "I'm sorry. I should have trusted you, told you I knew right when I found out." She paused, glancing to her clearly tense and she assumed angry partner. "And I trust you'll tell me later. I mean, I'm sure you want to know how I know about both you and what you are." When Nick just stared forward, Tracy once again turned to stare out the window, forcing herself to not try making herself as small as possible. "And I wanted you to know when I gave my statement I said you went down the alley rather than through the front doors and that you found them there. That's all." Nick was, if possible, more upset than he had been when he found out Tracy knew what he was a week previously. However, instead of being upset with either Tracy or Vachon, he was upset with himself. Her words...they could almost be his own. If he had known Tracy would eventually find out...it would have been so much easier, perhaps even better if she had found out then, on that first case. Even now he felt horrible. She trusted him. She had trusted him enough to not confront him when she first found out for sure. She had trusted him earlier tonight. She covered for his reckless behaviour earlier. And she was trusting that later they would talk and he would tell her the truth. And almost every single thing she either had guessed or would be told was a lie. It would just be another betrayal of her trust. If she ever found out who he really was, how old he really was... Nick wanted to pull over right then and there, get out, and just fly until he collapsed. But it wouldn't solve, change, or fix anything. At all. Broken Lies - (06/42) Natalie startled slightly as she paced, suddenly finding Nick standing there as she turned around. Relieved despite that he looked rather weary, she slowly walked toward him. "You okay with this?" she asked. 'This' specifically referred to Tracy coming over. Nick had called her almost an hour ago, just before Tracy had left for home. "I put whatever older or more expensive looking things in your bedroom closet that I could." Nick glanced around the room. Natalie had removed almost every non-media item from the bookcase, and the box with Joan's cross was missing. Most everything else had been left alone. "See anything else that needs moving?" "It looks fine," he told her, truly pleased. "Does Tracy know you play?" Nick smiled, aware that even if she did, the baby grand would be unexpected...as would his motorcycle, the paintings, and probably everything else. "Nick?" "No, she doesn't know. She really doesn't know much about my interests at all. I've been rather vague with her whenever those kinds of topics come up." Natalie glanced past the fridge. "I also brought a few things. Ah, a couple of bags of blood..." Nick shot her a glare, but Natalie continued, "...and some, er, stuff in case Tracy might want something. I'll eat whatever is left over...but I'm leaving the blood." "Natalie--" "I just thought you might want something later. Better to have it and not need it than the other way around. If it helps any they're not full bags. More like a unit between them than a unit each." Nick momentarily closed his eyes, but knowing she was right he nodded. And it did help a little knowing she had brought less blood that he would have assumed. "Are you upset by--" "No," Nick quickly answered, then crossed to Natalie. He started to reach toward her face just as the buzzer rang. "Her timing could be better," Natalie told him, smiling. "It could be worse." The buzzer rang again, and Nick headed over to the security monitor. Tracy stood waiting, fidgeting below. Nick hit the intercom, told her, "Take the elevator to the second floor," and then buzzed her in. Nick waited by the elevator, looking over at Natalie for a moment as he waited for the freight to rise. Once it arrived, Nick wasted no time before sliding the door open, which he did relatively slowly not wanting to startle her. Tracy nervously smiled at Nick and then cautiously exited the elevator as he stepped to the side. The first things Tracy noticed were the shiny baby grand piano, a motorcycle in a corner, dark shutters or blinds of some sort on the windows, a rather ornate fireplace mantle, and Natalie. She now had absolutely no doubt that Natalie knew about vampires. Getting over the big things, Tracy started focusing in on the details. The apartment was about how she had expected--modern as a whole but with a touch of eccentricity. She had to say the piano, motorcycle, and what looked like paintings she didn't at all expect. Whether they were hobbies or just for decoration, she didn't know. Nick never revealed much about himself. Eventually Tracy's gaze came back to Natalie. "Sit down, Tracy," Nick stated from behind her. Tracy turned. "Er, where?" "Wherever." Tracy looked back. Her choices were a chair at the kitchen table, the leather sofa, and the plush leather chair or recliner next to the sofa. Figuring one of the latter would be more comfortable and not wanting to purposely distance herself, Tracy sat on the sofa closest to the chair. When Nick sat in the chair and leaned back, Tracy felt rather uncomfortable. Nick no longer seemed subdued like he had at work. He had a presence sitting there, his eyes locked with hers. She startled and turned when Natalie sat next to her. None of them were smiling. "I'd like to know how you found out about vampires," Nick started. "And how you determined I was one." He asked the questions both because she would expect them, and because he wanted to see what she would leave out or lie about. Tracy glanced toward Natalie for a moment--she really hadn't expected the other to be there. Vachon certainly wouldn't invite herself if this had been reversed. "Anything you say or might want to say in the future can be said in front of Natalie. She has my full confidence." While uncomfortable about talking about Vachon in front of either of them, Tracy knew Nick would find another way if she didn't answer, and she answered his questions. She explained how she had seen movement at the crash site--which Nick had been there for--and how the body had then vanished. Then she had told him the majority regarding finding Vachon at the impromptu morgue, fainting, being taken to her apartment, and then later going to find Vachon and being held by him and Screed. She had hesitated before saying the latter's name, but did so after a pause. Then she finished, telling him about how she had been hesitantly released and that she still wasn't sure why, then that the next time she had seen Vachon had been around when Nick had shown up with Vudu. She was vague at the last, leaving out any specific events. Given Nick's surprise at seeing Vachon at the Raven, she suspected he didn't remember being made to forget parts of that, anyway. Nick looked away; that had been the beginning of the lies. "And me?" "When you were shot, kinda; but I've only really suspected for about a month, if even that. And I've only known for sure for a week." "You had Vachon test me." "Yes." "And the details?" Tracy took a deep breath, and looked slightly downward before beginning. She explained first how she had been sure his head wound was worse than the doctors said, and that when she started to piece things together--his changed demeanour, etc.--she remembered seeing a doctor at the hospital that she had seen somewhere else...LaCroix from the Raven. Then she explained how she initially thought it might just be her imagination...until she had started following him. She paused and glanced more fully at Nick, but she couldn't read his mood. Continuing, she nervously explained what she had seen, and then how she had gone to Vachon for confirmation after she had seen the bite wound heal. Nick just sat and listened. It was definitely different getting the explanation directly than third hand with whatever Tracy and Vachon had omitted before Natalie had been told. "And you've known for sure what I am for a week," Nick commented, somewhat curious why she hadn't mentioned it until tonight. And then he was positive it was because of the burn--it wasn't her plan. "Yes," Tracy whispered. "There were a couple of days between me being positive of it and Vachon confirming it, though, so maybe a bit more..." "If not for what happened tonight...when would you have told me?" "I don't know." "Would you have?" "Probably," Tracy answered. With Nick staring, glaring at her, she then became frustrated and told him, "Fine. I don't know if I would have or not. I wanted to the moment I knew, but wasn't sure I should." "Why?" "Because I didn't know how you would react!" Tracy found it difficult to remain sitting, or at least sitting still, and she shifted. "I know you were...are a rather...you like to keep things to yourself; I didn't think you'd like me knowing. And I didn't want to add to...I didn't want you to feel any worse than you probably already do." She paused, then rambled, "I mean the whole vampires exist, and then being one...you just don't strike me as the type of person that would like that, I guess. And I'm pretty sure you got sick when..." She stopped a moment, not sure how to explain it--and she didn't want to mention Screed's death. "And who knows what else. I didn't want to distract you more than you already were." Nick had looked away when Tracy mentioned him not seeming the type to like being a vampire...and he had, indeed, been distracted of late between what had happened and his own thoughts. When Nick just stared off in front of him, Tracy became concerned. Did she say something she shouldn't have? Wanting to change the topic, she asked, "Can I ask...er, I guess some questions?" Nick turned to again look at Tracy and nodded. "Have you regained all of your memories? From after you were shot." "No," Nick answered truthfully. "Not yet. It's being worked on." "Is that what you're doing at the Raven before work?" Nick hesitated, but again answered truthfully, "Yes." "And, er, is LaCroix who made you into a vampire?" Nick simply nodded. "Couldn't someone else help?" Tracy turned to Natalie. "Couldn't you?" "Natalie can only help with my more recent memories and with events I specifically told her about." "Nick's not a Toronto native," Natalie added. "I only met him when he started working for metro, after he moved here." Tracy thought a moment, vaguely remembering, "You were from Chicago, weren't you?" Getting another nod, she asked, "So you still don't remember everything from then?" "Not everything, no; but it is...coming back slowly. With his help." "And you did get sick several weeks ago?" Nick held back a moment before confirming, "Yes." "And, er, are you doing all right with what's happened?" Tracy tentatively asked. "I just get the impression that perhaps you aren't thrilled about it. Given the circumstances I'd think you didn't have a choice in--" Nick stood and headed quickly for the kitchen. "Nick?" Tracy called, nearly following until she felt a hand on her arm. "Let me talk to him, Trace." Natalie forced herself to smile, then she got up and slowly approached Nick, who was leaning on the counter facing fully away from Tracy. She gently put a hand on his back, at which he bowed his head. "Nick?" After a few seconds of thought, he asked Natalie in a whisper, "Should I tell her she's right?" "I can't answer that, Nick, but..." Natalie started, continuing their conversation in a whisper. "I suppose I don't have to say I've enlisted your help..." "No, you don't. And not liking what you've become isn't exactly a far-fetched idea given, well..." "If I had been brought across without my knowledge or consent." "And until she gets an answer she'll just become more and more--" "Worried. Annoying. Insistent I answer." Nick shook his head. "She wouldn't understand. Even you have no idea how much I hate myself right now, what I am. Even LaCroix doesn't--" "Shh," she soothed, leaning in. "And she'll understand even less if you don't answer. She wants to try." Natalie moved her hand and pried Nick's hands away from the counter's edge. Keeping hold of one of his hands, Natalie slowly pulled him back toward the chair, sofa, and Tracy...who didn't look much better or more comfortable than Nick. Once they had reached the chair, Natalie guided Nick a bit more purposely until she got him sitting. As she made to return to her own seat she felt him hold onto her hand as long as possible. When Nick finally met Tracy's gaze, he found her staring nervously at him. Trying to remember what Tracy's question had been, he answered softly, "No, I'm not...thrilled about it." "But are you doing okay with it?" Tracy asked again. Nick closed his eyes again. He didn't want to tell her, but if possible he wanted to lie as little as possible. "You're not, are you?" Tracy asked, but she didn't get a response. "Please, Nick--" "Tracy, Nick--" Natalie paused as Nick snapped his eyes to her. "Give him a moment to either answer or not." Nick wished he could thank Natalie, but instead the most he could do was continue to think. He was tempted to tell Tracy he would have rather died that night. But, no, he couldn't do that. The best he could think of was to answer but not elaborate...it was simpler to either confirm or deny her questions as opposed to making something up. "No, I'm not." "Is there anything I can do?" "No," he immediately replied, shaking his head as he looked up. "Is it something that LaCroix has done or said?" "No, not really." "But he is a factor?" Nick froze, thinking again. "Is there anything either Vachon or I could do to help with that, get him--" "You don't go near him!" Nick ordered, nearly changing. "And don't ask your friend to, either." "You do know Vachon is...he isn't exactly 'young', right?" "Neither is LaCroix. Stay away from him." "If he's so bad, why see him so often? Won't your memories come back eventually on their own? Or can't you, I don't know, try hypnotherapy or something rather than deal with Mr. Darkness and Evil?" "I don't know if my memories will come back, and I wouldn't trust anyone other than Natalie to try hypnotising me. I'm not even sure vampires can be hypnotised." He paused a moment, thinking about her last words, before telling her, "And he's been rather...polite when we've talked." "Him? Polite? From that show he seems--" "Yes," he confirmed, truthfully. The other had been far more civil and far less...forceful in getting himself to conform to his ideals. At least compared to what he had so far recalled of their past interactions. LaCroix wasn't being selective in helping with his memories, either. He remembered both the horrible and the good things he had done...the first far outweighed the latter. But even though LaCroix didn't argue with him, he could hear and taste LaCroix' true nature, his cruelty in his broadcasts and his blood. LaCroix was just putting on a show for him in an effort to keep him close, to bring him back to him. "But it's clear to me you don't like him." Nick met Tracy's gaze again. "It's...complicated." "And if that show of his is any indication, you two are probably just about opposites. I know you listen to him. Probably every night. You always change the station in your car when I get in, and it's probably what your radio is tuned to here, too." When Nick didn't answer, Tracy turned to Natalie, who also seemed super quiet. "You obviously know who LaCroix is, right?" "Tracy, I agree with Nick." "But--" "No more talk of LaCroix," Nick stated, hard. Tracy stiffened at her partner's tone. Even the way he said the other vampire's name seemed...something. But if she believed Nick, that it wasn't something LaCroix had done or...and then she tensed further, a horrible thought coming to her. Was it something Nick, himself had done? Without thinking a second longer, Tracy asked, "Have you, ah, done something?" "If you're asking if I've killed someone..." Nick paused, wishing he could tell her the truth, that he had in fact killed many thousands, but he couldn't without exposing the lie. "No." His eyes then flitted to Natalie for a second. "Not yet." "So you're just afraid you will in the future?" "I know I will," Nick said, looking down so that he couldn't look at Natalie again. "Eventually I will." Tracy fidgeted when Nick went quiet and she didn't immediately have another question. Or, well, she did, but it did have something to do with LaCroix... "Do you know why he did it? Had you met him before, or--" "Because he wanted to, I suppose. And, yes, we had met before. Briefly," he answered without looking up. "Okay," Tracy said, knowing not to ask more along those lines. "I know there supposedly isn't anything I can do to help, but..." She hesitated; Nick didn't seem to like talking about this, about what he now was. "Are you, ah, doing better around blood as time passes, or is it getting worse?" Nick shut his eyes tight and bowed his head a touch farther. Just her mention of blood made him hungry. "And is it just because you can smell it now, or is it something else about it?" Nick couldn't answer, her additional questions inciting his hunger. He had drunk so little blood lately that just the mention pushed him over the edge, although he managed not to change quite yet. He was now thinking of the blood Natalie mentioned she had brought, if only to avoid thinking of the closer, fresher sources. "Nick?" Tracy asked, leaning forward toward Nick a little. At the shift of air and scent, Nick sat up, stood, and made it halfway to the fridge before he could stop. No, he would not drain one of those bags, not in front of Tracy. Calming his thoughts he first opened his eyes, ensuring his vision was clear, normal, and then he slowly turned. "It's...a lot of things," he whispered, then looked slightly away again. "Nick, if you want me to go..." "It might be better. We can talk more later." Tracy nodded, feeling a bit bad. Nick had just found out not even twelve hours before that she knew about vampires and him being one. And, she had to remind herself, Nick had been burned, and possibly fairly severely. She probably should have suggested they talk another night. She nervously stood and told him, "I'm sorry." The apology momentarily eased his hunger. "What for?" "I should have either told you right away, or perhaps waited until tomorrow night or something." "It's fine." "And...I have one more quick question--you can tell me tonight if you want." She paused and when Nick seemed to just wait, she asked, "Is me knowing what you are going to make it hard to work with me?" "I don't know. Probably not, but..." Tracy nodded. "You won't know until you do." She started back to the elevator, then paused and looked back at Nick. "See you tonight?" Getting a nod, she pulled the door open, got in, and left. Neither Nick nor Natalie budged until the elevator had started down. Then Nick resumed his path to the refrigerator, but stopped at the doors. Rather than opening one of the doors, he leaned on them, bowed his head once more, and took a deep breath to calm his thoughts again. Now he wasn't so much hungry, but frustrated and upset with himself. Natalie approached Nick and placed her hand gently on his arm. "It's okay if you want--" "No," Nick whispered. "Nick..." "I don't want it." "But it will make you feel better?" "I'm not sure 'better' is the right word. Perhaps calmer, but even that..." "Tracy's question," Natalie stated. Not waiting for a response, Natalie gently pulled on the nearer door until he relented and moved back a couple of feet. Opening it, she quickly grabbed one of the bags of blood she had brought, then shut the door and headed to the kitchen. Nick followed, but cautiously. He felt sick watching her handle blood like this...for the second time that night. This time she wasn't using gloves as she sliced the bag open over a wine glass, the liquid oozing out. He would have protested, but knew it wouldn't stop her. He cringed back once she sat the very full glass on the counter next to him. "Drink it," she said as she took the knife and now mostly empty bag of blood to the sink, where she deposited them for the time being. "Nat..." "I'm staying, so drink it." Nick turned to look at the glass. If she stayed he had no choice but to drink the blood. About to tell her not to he heard the door to his bedroom shut. Still uncertain--about everything--Nick tentatively touched the stem of the glass, then picked it up and drank from it. He cringed again at the cold but terribly sweet nectar... He forced himself to drink more, and as he did it seemed to lose its sharp flavour. It also calmed him more than he expected. When he had nearly drained the glass, he indecisively swirled the remaining blood. Then he hastily downed it and crossed to the sink to rinse the glass out. He cleaned off the knife and rinsed the bag, then disposed of the latter in the trash with a cringe. Natalie, now changed into something more comfortable, came back to the kitchen only to see Nick drying off the glass. "You didn't pour any of that down the drain, did you?" At first, Nick remained silent as he finished drying off the glass. Once it had been put away he turned to her, shook his head, and answered, "No, I drank it all." Natalie relaxed. She would have rather had him put the glass back in the fridge, undrunk, if it came to it. While not too much of a hassle, it wasn't as simple as just taking the blood...she had to doctor up reports as well. "And you feel better? Or I guess, as you said, calmer?" "Sort of. I feel calmer, but no more relaxed." "You look like you're ready to start pacing." Nick smiled faintly. "It's tempting." "Go sit down," Natalie said, nodding back toward the chair he had vacated and the sofa. When he merely looked and didn't budge, she reached forward for one of his hands and lightly tugged on it, "Am I going to have to half-drag you there again?" Nick smiled again, this time a bit fuller. He gave Natalie's hand a light squeeze then returned to the chair, making it impossible for Natalie to sit next to him. Within moments he was startled when she did just that, or tried to. She couldn't sit next to him, however, but within moments she shifted so that she sat across him, her arms wrapped around him. He felt suffocated by her warmth and the scent of her blood, and he pulled the arm crossing his chest away, tempted to get up and leave her in the chair. "Nat--" She ignored his shifting and uncomfortableness and laid her head on his shoulder. "Shh. Give it a few minutes, okay?" When he stopped fighting her, she curled her legs up a bit, then took Nick's far hand in hers and pulled it forward so that it rested on her thigh. She felt resistance, and told him, "A few minutes, please. Then either I'll move or leave if you want--or need--me to." While uneasy, Nick nodded. A few minutes wouldn't hurt, and to be honest he enjoyed the closeness too much to decline the request. Nick closed his eyes and after a moment leaned his head toward Natalie's. Initially, he found it difficult, but after a minute or so he relaxed and began to be able to push back his instinctual wants that were complicated by his more human ones. Nearly ten minutes later Natalie pulled away slightly to get a look at Nick's face. He was smiling, his eyes closed, and he had seemed at ease for most of the time she had been resting there. But his expression didn't mean she could necessarily stay there. "Nick?" "Hmm?" "How are you doing?" He considered for a moment, then truthfully told her, "Better than I expected." "Is that in answer to, ah, me being so close or earlier with Tracy?" Nick tensed. He had almost put that thought, that complication, out of his mind. "I'm still...I'm worried Tracy..." "So I can stay here?" "For now." Remembering their earlier conversation had pushed every other thought away, even his wants. He hoped their banishment would last more than a few minutes. "Will you be okay working with her now that she knows?" "Maybe; I won't have to hide what I am around her anymore, at least." He paused, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. "But I feel like I've made a mistake. Like I should have just...left. It might have been better than more lies." "You've considered leaving?" Nick shook his head at her audible concern. "No, not really. I should, but I don't want to. I'm tired of having to start over every few years." "You'll have to leave here soon, though, won't you?" "Yes. One way or another." Natalie didn't like the sound of that at all. He was making comments like that more and more often, and she really didn't like this one. "Nick..." "Ignore my ramblings, Nat. I'll stay as long as I can." "Well, when you do we can always keep in contact. In fact, I expect it." Nick just sat quietly. He could no more leave only to watch Natalie grow old and die from a distance than he could stay until he killed her. If he left and didn't keep in touch he had a feeling she would hunt him down. And who's to say she wouldn't try to go with him, or... He turned as he felt Natalie's hand gently touch his cheek. Then, before he had opened his eyes she kissed him on the lips; not deeply, but it was far from a platonic kiss. He opened his eyes when Natalie pulled back. "We can't...we shouldn't be doing this." "I know. But what I did was all right?" she asked. Then, guessing his answer, she added, "At this moment, anyway?" He nodded, his gaze drifting as his thoughts centred on how wrong this was...even though they had been drifting faintly closer for a couple of months now. But by letting it continue it would only hasten whatever he did. Forget that now he would likely just hurt her more. Natalie watched Nick zone out again. For some reason it bothered her more lately as he seemed to like who and what he was less and less. Even Tracy had noticed. Taking a chance, she kissed him again on his neck, just below his jaw. Then, before he could push her away, Natalie again rested her head on his shoulder and held him tight. Nick had nearly shoved her away at the kiss, but forced himself not to and instead he held her closer to him. Again he leaned his head next to hers. In a few minutes, hopefully, his hunger would settle. If it didn't... Broken Lies - (07/42) That afternoon Natalie woke in Nick's room, both of them lying above the comforter, Nick still dressed. Their bodies had been entwined to the point that even if she hadn't intended to wake him--she remembered what happened a week previously--she would have, anyway. And then she startled at seeing the clock; she barely had enough time to dress and drive to work. Forget anything else...like eating something for breakfast. She had apologised, only for Nick to blame himself. She had hated to leave him there still upset with himself. Nearly ten minutes after the start of her shift, Natalie pushed through the morgue doors with her purse and a makeshift breakfast and lunch she had cobbled together from what she had brought to Nick's...then she froze half way to her desk. There, fiddling with something on her desk, her back still toward Natalie, was Tracy. Natalie hadn't expected to see the other so soon. "Trace?" she asked, resuming her path to her desk. Tracy startled, turning but too late...Natalie was already dropping her purse and other items on her desk. As Natalie pulled her coat off--her clothes looking rather familiar--Tracy asked, "I thought you were supposed to start at four o'clock?" "I was," Natalie said without explanation. "Did you check my schedule or are you just dropping by?" Caught, Tracy confessed, "After I left this morning I found out when you'd be in the next few days. I was hoping to ask you a few questions, talk, whatever." Natalie was going quickly from surprised, to annoyed, and finally to angry. Doing her best to suppress the last, Natalie sat down and surmised, "And you came now, today, because you don't want Nick to overhear." "Well...okay, kind of, but--" "Tracy, you should know--" "I know you'll probably tell him. You two don't have many secrets, do you? That's what you were going to say, right?" Some of Natalie's anger dissipated, but not all of it. "And?" she asked. "What do you want to ask?" "Well, a lot of it is more curiosities than real questions..." she started nervously. Then, when Natalie didn't tell her 'no', she began with asking, "Does Nick actually play? I mean the piano. Or is it just decoration?" "Yeah, Tracy, he plays." "I never knew," Tracy softly said. "I don't really know much about him, do I? About his interests, hobbies, that kind of thing. Is that just me, or--" "It's just something he doesn't volunteer." "Except to you." "He didn't exactly volunteer most of it. It took me a long time to gain enough trust that he would even answer when I asked." "So it's not just me, then." Tracy got a nod; it made her feel a little bit better, but she couldn't help but think Nick was sharing less, commenting less since he would have become a vampire. "What about, er, the other stuff? The motorcycle? The paintings or canvases stacked against the wall? He's got a ton of books and other media, and then the TV and stuff." Natalie had pulled out a breakfast bar and opened it as she asked, "What about it?" "Well, I kinda figured Nick to be a bit bookish, and he is, well, a male and more or less single as far as I know...I guess it's not what but more how many rather different things..." "Nick is a bit eccentric; I know others have said it, and I'm sure you've gathered that long before this morning," Natalie told her as she started in on the mini meal. "Just that car of his says that much. But it's more...I guess it doesn't matter." She paused, thinking what to ask next--she really wanted an answer to her last real question about Nick's issue or issues with blood. "Er, I don't know if you can or will answer, but Nick clearly has a problem with, well, blood, and not entirely in the way I'd expect given, well, you now," she began, not able to get herself to say 'vampire' there in the morgue to Natalie. "He kind of said it was 'a lot of things' and I was wondering if, well, you knew why? I really don't want to bother Nick by asking again...I might as well have been our latest stabbing victim or something this morning. But I want to know, I want to understand whatever conflict he feels with it...or at least why. Something." Natalie finished her bar with a bit of a cringe--it hadn't quite been her idea of breakfast, and she had eaten it so fast she still felt rather hungry. "He doesn't like having to drink it, does he? I mean it's not just that it's blood, or how it...affects him, or that he's still getting used to it, is it?" She stopped, but Natalie didn't answer. "Look, when I watched him at that club he seemed to not want to drink it. I only saw him actually finish a glass once. And at least once I saw him really grimace. From what I'm aware it's supposed to taste...well, rather good, and to Nick..." Natalie didn't like this line of questioning, but it seemed Tracy had most of the pieces. She was also getting more info she didn't know; so much for his comment about not being able to starve himself under LaCroix' watch. "Tracy...it's not any one thing. It's all of that and more." Going along with their earlier story about Nick not being thrilled about being a vampire and his fear of killing someone, she twisted the truth slightly and told her, "I think he feels like if he enjoys it even a little he'll lose control...and perhaps kill someone." "But he won't. Nick's not like that." "Mortal Nick wasn't, but he's not even sure himself what, if any, effect becoming a vampire has on what he might do in the future." Tracy stiffened slightly at that. Abruptly she remembered how Nick had uncharacteristically snapped at her after leaving the morgue the previous night. He had recovered quickly, and yes, sometimes Nick could get a touch intense, but not like that, and Tracy wondered aloud, "What if he already has an idea what he's capable of?" "I'm sure he does, Tracy." "No, I mean--last night he snapped at me." "What?" Natalie asked, concerned. "It was just a moment, but he was very angry and a bit rude...for Nick, anyway. He didn't bare his fangs or anything like that, but his mood just flipped for a moment." She fidgeted for a few seconds. "So Nick hasn't, well, lost control like that around you?" Natalie, of course, had seen Nick like that, albeit less often of late. "Not really," she carefully answered. "Not like you're describing." "But you've seen him all...changed, right?" Tracy received a silent nod. "And then he's...what?" "Er, then he's still Nick," Natalie answered. "But how is he different?" "I guess that would depend on why he's changed, wouldn't it?" she asked, both not wanting to answer and not sure how. What was she supposed to say? When Nick was vamped out of course he acted a bit less 'normal'. Most vampires were like that, she suspected... And yes, sometimes it scared her, but rarely to the point that she actually feared for her life or the like. "I'm sure you've seen Vachon...changed?" Tracy was a bit surprised by the questions, but she hadn't really thought to compare Nick and Vachon with this. They were so different. "I guess it would... And yeah, I have." She sighed, frustrated. "What about the one who did this to him? LaCroix." "What about him?" Natalie asked calmly, but she couldn't quite hide all of her annoyance. "Could Nick have either accidentally or on purpose somehow attacked him? Or have tried to? Maybe that's what Nick meant about him being rather 'polite'?" "I don't think so, Tracy." "You don't think or you don't know?" "Don't think," Natalie repeated. "Did Nick tell the truth? That his issues or whatever aren't something LaCroix is responsible for? Beyond the obvious bit." Natalie hesitated, knowing however she answered it would be a lie. That she was aware, since Nick had been shot LaCroix hadn't criticised Nick much. He had even taken Nick to an exorcist...despite that he didn't believe in demons himself at that point. LaCroix had constantly criticised Nick in the past, and Natalie knew he would likely return to that in the future. But Tracy was concerned with the present, specifically the past few weeks, and as such Natalie answered, "Yes, Nick told the truth." "What aren't you telling me?" Then it hit her--Natalie barely reacted to the other vampire's name. She hadn't reacted at all when she had pressed Nick. Natalie also hadn't confirmed she knew who they were discussing...nor had she seemed remotely curious. "You've met him, haven't you? You've met LaCroix." Natalie wanted to deny it, but frankly didn't think Tracy would believe her if she tried. "Yes, Tracy, I've met him." "And?" "And all I'm going to say is, again, I agree with Nick." Then, sensing Tracy wasn't about to drop the subject, she added, "And do stay away from him." "How much do you know about LaCroix and vampires in general?" Seeing Natalie hesitate, she clarified, "I'm not asking what you know, just roughly how much you think you know, relatively, I guess." Natalie pursed her lips for a moment, thinking. Eventually she went with the truth again. "A lot, Tracy. I know a lot about both." "So then you know I'm a, ah..." "Resistor. Yeah, figured as much given you knew." "Does that mean you are as well?" Getting a nod, something struck Tracy. Nick hadn't tried to make her forget when she told him. After Vachon had bumped into Nick, had Nick asked Vachon if she knew and found out she couldn't be made to forget? Or did he just assume like she now was? Either way, that would mean Nick had possibly known or suspected she had for at least the last week. "Tracy?" "Sorry," she apologised, coming back out of her thoughts. "Just thinking about something." Natalie glanced down at her desk then moved her purse onto the floor. "I hope Nick's been talking to you about what's happened to him?" Relaxing slightly at Tracy's question of concern, Natalie nodded. "Yeah, we've had quite a few chats." To herself, Natalie winced. They really hadn't talked much in depth lately; not as much as they probably should have with everything that had happened. Tracy nervously shifted. She still had one more question...but not really about Nick. Glancing at the hodgepodge of food in front of Natalie--mostly prepackaged or some other snack-type food like dried fruit and cheese-sticks--Tracy remembered Natalie had been late to work...and she was wearing the same clothes as she had that morning. Tracy had a guess as to why and it worried her. "Er, Natalie?" When the other looked up at her, Tracy stated, "You stayed over at Nick's today, didn't you?" Natalie wanted to tell the detective whether she had or not was none of her business, but she could see more concern. "And?" "And are you and Nick--" "We're friends. Just friends," Natalie quickly assured. "You don't really act like you're 'just' friends." Natalie didn't know how to reply to that; no, perhaps she and Nick didn't quite act like simple friends, especially not the last several weeks. "You are, er, careful around him? I mean, you know, he could hurt you--" "Yeah, Tracy, I know. And Nick knows." "I just wanted to make sure you know it'd be dangerous to get, ah--" "Too close," Natalie finished, nodding. "And I really do need to get to work." "Yeah. Sorry," Tracy said and spun only to slowly turn back. "Er, Natalie? If you want to talk some time, just let me know. It can be a bit maddening at times knowing and not having anyone to talk to that really understands." Natalie was grateful when Tracy again turned and left without waiting for a reply. While she suspected Tracy was just trying to be a friend, Natalie doubted she would take the offer. But Tracy didn't know how long she had known about vampires. Broken Lies - (08/42) After leaving the precinct for the morgue a couple of nights later--Natalie had called and asked that he come over...alone--Nick stopped and turned to find Tracy right behind him still shrugging on her coat. "Tracy..." "Let me guess...lunch?" Nick suppressed his urge to flinch at the question. "For you, maybe; not for me," and with that he started to turn around again. "Can I at least ask where you'll be?" He stopped, considered, then told the truth, "Morgue. Natalie wants to see me for something." Tracy held back from suggesting she could go with him or asking if it had to do with work or not. She just wanted, for some reason, to make sure he was all right...even though she had a feeling he didn't much like her intrusiveness. "I shouldn't be long." Nick then managed a weak smile before turning and walking away. Once sure Tracy hadn't followed him and no mortals were watching, Nick took to the sky and headed to the morgue. Nick didn't relax until he was standing in front of Natalie's desk, where she was eating her lunch. "Nat?" Startling slightly, Natalie looked up from her fried and battered chicken to find Nick standing sheepishly over her. Then she glanced to the clock, wondering if she had either told him the wrong time to come over or she had started eating later than she had thought. Nope, Nick was simply ten minutes early. "I know I'm early." He glanced slightly away. "I figured you wouldn't mind." "Hmm, Tracy getting on your nerves?" "Yes," he answered without hesitation and a hint of exasperation. Natalie held back a wince--Nick was typically hesitant to talk about his co-workers, but when he did... "She keeps looking at me, watching me." "What did you think she'd do?" "I was hoping nothing." When Natalie looked at him in disbelief, then ate more of her meal, he explained, "She's known about vampires for several months. And it's not like she was just told that I'm one a few days ago. I had expected her curiosity or concern or whatever might wane, or at least start to." Natalie put the rest of her chicken wing down, wanting to comment. Swallowing, she asked, "Are you kidding? She probably sees you like an enigma. You're a bit different than Vachon from what I could tell, and I'm sure she's aware your job is rather unusual for a vampire." "But as far as Tracy is aware I was mortal. I was a homicide detective before I became a vampire, not the other way around." "Maybe, but you stayed...despite any difficulties you might experience." "Or how difficult it seems to be for me," Nick added, frustrated. "And since I'm on edge and seem distracted..." "She's worried, and is probably watching you." Nick nodded as Natalie bit into another piece of chicken. Talking his annoyance over had helped. If Tracy really knew his thoughts, really knew why he was a bit out of it, she would probably be worse...more vocal. Then he realised he didn't know why Natalie had wanted to see him. "Is there something you wanted me to see, or were you just trying to get me to talk?" "Neither, actually." "Then--" "Let me finish eating before I say," she told him. "Don't want to scare you off and have you wish you were back at the precinct with your partner." Nick tensed at that, but nodded in answer. He spent the next several minutes scanning the morgue for something out of place; something, anything that could 'scare him off' as she had put it. Nothing. The room was as clean as it could get beyond the mid-shift clutter on Natalie's desk. If she had something planned, she had it well hidden away. He startled out of his thoughts upon hearing something drop into the trash and he turned to find Natalie heading to the sink to wash her hands. Nick followed her and leaned against the counter nearby. Natalie glanced at Nick. He looked curious...boy was he going to be in for a disappointment. She pulled on gloves and retrieved the necessary items to take a blood sample from a drawer where she had placed them after calling Nick. He looked away and she told him, "Come on, jacket off and sleeve up. Shouldn't take long." Nick didn't budge. He had already told her he no longer felt it possible he could become mortal. Since then she had been rather quiet on his cure. Until this. "Nat, I'm drinking human blood." "And? You're also restricting it...far better than you ever managed in the past with cow's blood, I might add." "You won't like what you see." "Nick...I have no idea what I'll see; that's the whole point of taking a sample." She paused and added, "And I'd like you to write out what you've had this last week." Seeing him tense, she gently told him, "I won't comment or criticise, whether you've gone on some unmentioned and unnoticed binge or completely skipped out. It's just for comparison." He hesitated a few more seconds, then slowly took off his jacket, unbuttoned the cuff around one of his wrists, and pushed up that sleeve. Then he averted his eyes and waited. Natalie was momentarily halted by the whiteness of Nick's bare arm, and even through her gloves she could feel that his skin was unusually icy. Perhaps this wasn't such a good idea? At the same time, she suspected Nick's blood would tell her more about how he might be doing than Nick himself. Taking the sample ended up slow going, his blood filling the vials ever more slowly, his blood a deep almost eggplant shade. He was dehydrated, his blood more concentrated than usual...she didn't need any further tests to know he was running low. Natalie stopped with a vial and a half, then retrieved a sheet of paper and a pen and set it next to him. Nick looked uncertainly at the items and the vials of blood next to the paper and pen, then looked to Natalie as she disposed of the needle and her gloves. He felt a bit queasy. "Something wrong?" "No." He turned and slowly picked up the pen, fiddling with it. "Do you really want--" "Yes," she stated. "No matter if you've fallen off the wagon or think you've been too restrictive." "I haven't gone on some...binge," he told her, staring at the sheet of paper. "I haven't since right after the fever, and then it was just the once." "I don't want to know about last month. Just this last week." Seeing him continue to hesitate, she asked, "Has he been criticising what you are or are not drinking?" Nick tensed, angry at the reminder of LaCroix' pushiness. He shrugged off Natalie's hand when she touched his arm. They were all concerned about him; LaCroix, Natalie, and Tracy. Natalie's was the easiest to bear. "As I said before, I won't judge you...if you want I won't say a word to you about either the test results or your log or my thoughts on either." He shook his head. "No, it's fine," he said and carefully he wrote down his best guess at what he had drank each night. It was more difficult than he had expected, but he tried to be as accurate and truthful as he could. It looked worse written out than in his mind. He hadn't flat out fasted any days, but he only had a couple of small sips three times. The most he had any night had been the night he had been burned and subsequent day--from Natalie's prodding rather than LaCroix'. Other than that the most he had was a single full glass. Once. And to think, this was a pretty good week, really, compared to the previous one. That week he had completely skipped out more than once. Natalie had stayed nearby until Nick had started writing, then she had taken the vials of blood and put them away in the fridge. Before closing it, however, she pulled out another something she had prepared: A small beaker with a small amount of blood--no more than what she had taken from him. She held it down out of sight as she returned to Nick, who seemed to be double-checking his list. When he set the pen down and straightened, she held it up in front of him. Nick recoiled, cringing back at being ambushed. He turned fully away and slammed his eyes shut as he changed. "Nick?" He regained control as quick as he could manage and turned back. He still felt somewhat on edge, the feeling as much from being a touch out of control as from anger, but his abrupt want for blood had vanished. "I'm fine," he calmly told her, smiling awkwardly as he did so. "I don't want it. I'll be fine." "I'm not saying you want it," Natalie started, not lowering her hand. "And whether you'll be fine or not is, well, debatable. Think of this as replacing what I took. There's no more blood in this beaker than there was in those vials." Nick considered a moment, his gaze locked with Natalie's, then he looked to the small glass beaker. He slowly took it from her, being careful not to let their fingers touch with how he felt. "If you really don't want it, then don't. I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you. I just know I didn't tell you beforehand that I wanted to get a blood sample." Without replying Nick upended it as if it were a shot glass, trying to get it over with as quickly as possible. He felt his hunger sharply rise at the taunting taste of blood. Somehow it was more difficult to pretend the hunger wasn't there here in the morgue with Natalie than either at their crime scenes or at the Raven. It frightened him. Usually it was easier, not harder. Was it due to Natalie in particular or had he cut back too far...to the point he would indeed go on some free for all binge? That thought was enough to once again push his hunger away. At least for now. Natalie's phone then rang and she excused herself to answer it. She had a new patient, and after hanging up she glanced up to see if Nick had heard where. He seemed oblivious, staring at the red-coated lab glass. Hanging up she called his name. When he turned, looking seemingly calmer, more relaxed than a few moments before, she hated to tell him she had to leave...and that he likely would, too. "Called out?" he asked, more in response to Natalie's grim expression than anything he had overheard, which wasn't much. "Nat?" "Ah, yeah. You might want to call Tracy, see if--" she cut off as his cell phone rang. "You aren't going to like what or where," she told him as he set the beaker down and pulled his phone out. Like her call, his had been short, not even a minute long. "Nick?" He put his phone back then picked his stand-in glass up and took it to the sink to rinse it out. As he did so, he told Natalie, "That was Tracy. A stabbing in the Raven." He set the no longer bloody but still not properly cleaned beaker in the sink and turned. "Great. Just..." "Are you going to ride with me, or... I'm pretty sure you didn't drive here." Nick nearly told her he would get there on his own, but instead he nodded with a slight smile. "Yeah, I'll ride with you." Natalie quickly grabbed her coat and things as Nick put on his own jacket. He waited for her and walked with her out to her car. Neither spoke during the drive to the Raven; Nick was lost in his thoughts, staring out the window, and Natalie didn't want to bother him. Reaching the club, Natalie felt faintly awkward as Nick again walked with her, his hand on her back. It was hard to tell if he had done it out of friendship or something more, or if he just felt protective of her because of where they were going. After passing by uniforms at the club doors and entering, Nick froze. He could generally smell blood upon entering--it was, after all, one of many beverages served at the club--but tonight the scent was downright overpowering. "Nick?" Natalie said as she looked up at him; she, too, had been forced to stop. He gave Natalie a weak smile and continued to guide her forward. As he followed her down the stairs, Nick scanned the club. Tracy hadn't yet arrived. Several uniforms were questioning patrons, about a dozen of which remained. And then there, alone at the bar, stood LaCroix, looking straight at himself and Natalie. This time it was Natalie who slowed when she saw the vampire's rather amused grin. He looked far too happy to be standing mere feet from a dead body. In fact, he was the closest, and reminded her most like Sydney with a freshly dead mouse or spider brought to her as a 'gift'. Just what she wanted: Another present from LaCroix. Natalie stopped and without looking away she ever so slightly turned her head toward Nick. "Wanna bet no one has questioned him yet?" "Yet," was Nick's only reply. "Guess you better go do that. Before Tracy gets here... Don't think you want to give her the perfect opportunity to question him." She turned to look at Nick, and finding his gaze locked on LaCroix, she gently touched his cheek to get his attention. Once he had turned, she added, "I'll come over and let you know what I find." Nick nodded and watched Natalie confidently move forward to the body of a woman lying crumpled on the floor, blood covering her neck and soaked into part of her shirt. His first thought wasn't a stabbing but a vampire's kill gone wrong. He looked the other remaining patrons over--one had blood on her hands and clothes. Definitely mortal by how she stood. Nick crossed to LaCroix, watching where he stepped...blood and glass littered part of the floor. This was just getting better and better... "Ah, 'Detective'," LaCroix grinned, then looked down at the body and Natalie. "Such a pity, isn't it?" Ignoring the question, Nick asked, "Did you see what happened?" LaCroix hesitated, his grin faltering at the mundane question and answer. "Yes." "And?" "What? No pleasantries, no introductions, Detective?" Seeing his son was very much in business mode and not biting, LaCroix quickly related, "As she was dancing a woman stabbed her in the neck. She died. Such a waste." "And the woman who stabbed her..." "Left." When the other looked away, frustrated, LaCroix smirked. "Did you think a mortal would stop the killer? They were too stunned, panicked at what they witnessed." "And the others?" LaCroix nodded toward the dropped glass. "The young ones were just as if not more panicked. Obviously dealing with that took precedence." "And what did you do? Just stand there?" "Well, I wouldn't quite say that..." "So you got a good look at the attacker?" Nick asked, but LaCroix simply stared back at the body. Hungrily. Closing his eyes for a moment, Nick then turned to look directly at LaCroix. "Yes or no?" LaCroix just smiled, his eyes not on his son but Natalie, who had stood and now approached. "LaCroix? Did you?" The other just continued to stare behind him although his focus had shifted. Nick turned to see what LaCroix was looking at just as he felt a hand on his back. "Ready for my rather short rundown, Nick?" Natalie asked as she avoided LaCroix' rather unsettling gaze. Getting a nod, she ran off, "Ella Van Hart, twenty-two. She died within a minute or two from being stabbed in her left carotid artery with a small bladed weapon. Looks like someone tried to stop the bleeding; unfortunately for Ella it probably only prolonged her death." "Can you tell anything about her attacker?" Nick asked. Natalie glared at LaCroix, who continued to stare at her, but quickly told Nick, "Won't know for sure until I do the internal, but probably right-handed and at a guess several inches taller than the victim." Nick looked over at LaCroix. "Well? I'm sure you saw what happened...and the woman who attacked her. Too entertaining to miss, wasn't it? Is Natalie right?" "Yes," LaCroix answered, his smirk vanishing. He again nodded to the glass and blood on the floor. "That, Doctor, is courtesy of a young one that was startled." "Figured," Natalie curtly replied. "Don't worry; I'll take care of it." LaCroix again smiled at that. "I know you will." Seeing his son's other mortal friend coming down the stairs, he added, "And, Nicholas..." Both Natalie and Nick turned at LaCroix' almost imperceptible nod. Seeing Tracy, Natalie turned back to Nick, tugged on his arm, and whispered, "I guess I'll try to take care of that as well." Then she left. LaCroix' eyes followed her. "You two have become rather close of late..." "We're friends; you know that," Nick stated, looking away. LaCroix chuckled at the proclamation. Not a lie, but the other purposely avoided the comment. "Yes. Friends. Not that I don't understand her attraction, her interest." Nick turned sharply back. He didn't like the idea of LaCroix showing any interest in Natalie. "I doubt that, LaCroix." "Confident with just a touch of fear. Neither foolish nor flighty. Potential." LaCroix grinned and tore his eyes from the mortal as his son gripped his arm. Even with the mild pain he smiled and told the other, "Merely admiring her qualities...the very same ones you do, I suspect. Is she always so composed around..." LaCroix nodded toward the body, then continued, "...death and its gruesome counterparts?" "You've watched her work before, I'm sure." "True. It's different being officially here...as opposed to--" "Watching from rooftops?" LaCroix smiled. "Merely observing. Although I would prefer remaining a simple witness." "I'll try, but I can't guarantee anything," Nick whispered, then turned away. "Of course not. And look; let the entertainment begin..." Nick followed LaCroix' gaze and found Vachon at the entrance. It looked like he was imploring Tracy to get the officer to let him in...two officers, which explained why Vachon was having an issue. "What is he doing here?" "Being a responsible member of our community. He had been crossing to the bar at the time of the attack. He and another removed the panicked young...woman." Closing his eyes for a moment, Nick tried to focus...and think how to avoid Vachon... He didn't think he'd have trouble with that, but if Tracy watched them together she might realise they perhaps knew each other a little more than they should. She didn't need more questions without answers. Broken Lies - (09/42) Across the club Tracy had led Vachon off to the side then spun to face him. "What are you doing here? This is a crime scene." "I know. I was here." "What, when it happened? Then where have you been?" Vachon froze at the questions. "Vachon--" "I was dealing with something." Tracy fumed silently at the vague answer. "Fine. Did you see what happened at least?" "No." "No?" "No. Just the aftermath." Vachon turned around and zoned in on the mess on the floor. The body, the blood, and the glass. It was worse than he thought. "What did happen? To the girl." "According to Natalie she was stabbed in the neck. Bled out. I'm guessing here wasn't the best place to have that happen?" Vachon turned back to Tracy. "Not really." "Did that cause any, er, problems?" "If you're asking if anyone else got--" "Hurt," Tracy confirmed. "Not that I'm aware." "But you left pretty much right after?" Vachon nodded and watched Tracy look over toward the body...and the nearby shattered glass...and spilt blood. Tracy noticed the splattered liquid looked an awful lot like the blood pooling under the victim, but there was enough space between the two areas that it couldn't be all from the woman. "Vachon, was that...is that blood on the floor? With the glass." Vachon studied her for a moment, wishing he knew what her partner would say. But she was a cop, a homicide detective...she had probably already decided it was blood, or she would once she took a closer look. "Yeah, it's blood." "And the glass was--" "It is usually served in glasses..." That comment raised several other questions for Tracy, questions not to ask here or now. "Can I go, or--" Tracy snapped her attention back to Vachon. "What did you come back for? If you didn't see anything or--" "I saw your car outside and figured you'd want to ask me about it later." Vachon glanced toward Nick, who seemed to be watching them. "Can I go before Knight decides he wants to question me himself?" Relenting, Tracy nodded. "Yeah, go ahead." She narrowed her eyes after Vachon. Something seemed strange...almost like Vachon was somehow afraid of Nick. Looking at her partner she shook the thought off. Vachon probably just didn't want to be involved, which was nothing new. Later, after the young woman's body had been taken away and the club had emptied other than Nick, Tracy, LaCroix, and two uniforms, Nick found himself staring blankly over at LaCroix. "So, no one really saw what happened," Tracy said, poking Nick's notebook into his arm after scanning through his notes. He turned, took it from her, and put it away. "Everyone has a different description: Tall, short, thin, not thin, blonde, brunette, redhead, short hair, long...all everyone agreed on was that it was a woman. Even the bouncers at the door disagreed with one another." "A lot of people panicked and left," Nick told her. "Yeah, and the killer with them. And no one really saw what happened." Nick again looked over at LaCroix, who had turned away from them. The other had procured a glass at some point. "I wouldn't say no one, Tracy." "What?" she said, turning to Nick. Then she followed her partner's gaze right to LaCroix. "Him? He saw her? That wasn't in your notes." "Just...come on," he told her, then started forward, Tracy following close behind. Nick slowed as he came up next to LaCroix. He had expected the other would make some comment, but LaCroix remained silent. Nick could see a faint smile playing on the other's lips. LaCroix was enjoying this. "No one else really saw what happened. How good of a look did you get of the woman's attacker?" Nick asked, then paused before adding, "Enough to help us with a sketch?" LaCroix considered. His son was giving him the choice to refuse, to decline. Slowly he turned to face the two detectives, his gaze quickly locking on Tracy, and he grinned. "I do not believe we have met, Detective--" "Vetter," Tracy supplied only to realise he already knew her name and she had cut him off. He just grinned wider at her, causing her to become rather uncomfortable in a few seconds. He knew she knew about Nick...and vampires in general. "Will you come in and work with a sketch artist?" Nick waited a second, then leaned closer and whispered, "J'apprécierais votre aide. S'il vous plaît, LaCroix." Tracy blinked having vaguely heard what Nick said...just enough to realise the first wasn't English and notice the far more obviously accented pronunciation of the other's name. Most of what Nick had said sounded like a bunch of rushed, smoothly said syllables, although something seemed familiar...and not just LaCroix' name. LaCroix had been tempted to refuse, but the plead made him decide otherwise. It could, after all, be vaguely interesting to really watch his son work. And the mortal. She seemed rather nervous standing there, watching them, and then if he agreed it would please and perhaps surprise his son. His smile deepened and he asked, "When would I need to, I assume, 'go downtown'?" Nick glanced at his watch; it was a little after midnight. He didn't know for sure who would be doing the sketch... "Come down at one o'clock. I'll call you if the time needs to be changed." LaCroix lost his pleasant mood, sobering, but nodded in acknowledgement. Turning, Nick gently turned Tracy and started her toward the exit. Once outside the closed doors of the club, Tracy came to a halt and slowly spun. "What did you say to him to get him to agree?" Nick nearly brushed her question off, but told the truth. "Please." "Whatever you said sounded a bit longer than 'please'. And I'm pretty sure it wasn't English, either." "It was French. S'il vous plaît," he said again. Tracy narrowed her eyes a little at Nick's answer. She had wondered if that might have been what sounded familiar to her, but Nick had said more than just 'please'. "And?" "And...that I would appreciate it if he'd help." "So you speak French?" "That's not all that unusual." "It's not all that common. Not like you're from Montreal or something...or even Canada; you're from Chicago, I thought." Then she noticed he hadn't denied it. "But you do, and fluently, don't you?" Nick wavered, thinking. He had so far managed to keep his knowledge of languages secret from Tracy...mainly because with her knowing about vampires he didn't want to give her reasons to suspect. And French wasn't too unusual...although a tad more for him than her. "Come on, Nick. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. I'd love to be fluent in another language. It's just hard without some kind of constant exposure and usage." Nick agreed with Tracy's comment about needing constant exposure and use to really learn another language well; French was one of the few languages he considered himself truly fluent in. Oh, he could speak and understand many others, but he knew sometimes he was far from perfect...more passable than fluent. "So..." Tracy prodded, taking Nick's silence as confirmation. "How did you learn it? Any tips?" The question made Nick momentarily panic as he thought of a plausible answer. He somehow knew she wouldn't drop it. "My mother spoke French," he stated. Not a lie, but hopefully it would stop her questions. "Oh," Tracy replied, feeling a bit bad. She had assumed maybe he had done some school exchange or something. Guessing Nick wanted a change of subject--off him at least--she asked, "So I take it he's fluent, too?" She paused, not quite long enough for Nick to answer as she realised, "Wait, his name is French, isn't it? Is that where he was originally from?" Nick nearly smiled at that. This he would answer, and he told her, vaguely. "His name is, but he isn't." He started by Tracy only to remember he hadn't driven. He had come with Natalie, who had already left for the morgue. Not particularly wanting to spend the trip back to the precinct assaulted with questions he stopped and turned back. "I'm going to head back and get things set up." Tracy nearly protested as Nick started off the other way. Of course he didn't need a ride back...even if he was her partner. To be honest, though, she wasn't too upset. She didn't want to see what might happen if LaCroix got there and he had to wait. LaCroix made her skin crawl more up close than from a distance, and he hadn't said one thing out of the ordinary... *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. An hour and a half later, Tracy stood outside Reese's office watching LaCroix and the sketch artist. LaCroix' attention was more often on Nick or some random person than what he was there for. And most of those in the precinct kept glancing warily toward LaCroix and avoided walking near him...detectives, hookers, officers, and hardened criminals alike. "Is that guy gone yet, Vetter?" Tracy turned. Reese was a bit more annoyed than he usually got. She didn't blame him. "Sorry. Not yet." "He's been here nearly an hour. How long does he need? He's got you, your partner, and everyone else out there distracted into uselessness." Reese stopped and sighed. "And, yes, me as well. I want him gone or at least relocated out of sight as soon as possible." Tracy inwardly winced. "Yes, Captain." Then she turned and paused a moment before heading not to the sketch artist sitting at the computer--he looked paler and more nervous than anyone--but toward her partner, who was staring at LaCroix with a dark look. "Nick, do you know if they're almost done?" "They should be," he answered and slowly stood, which drew LaCroix' smirk to him. Approaching, Nick asked, "How's it going, Andrew?" The man turned and glanced at LaCroix before answering, "Slow, but nearly there. Just need to print it, now, I think, I hope..." Nick looked to LaCroix. The other was clearly enjoying this. Then as the printer started up he waited a moment before Andrew handed him the composite. The woman was rather striking; she could easily be a model or actress. "May I go now, Detective Knight?" LaCroix mockingly asked. Nick narrowed his eyes as he glanced past the printout and to LaCroix at his question. "Not just yet." Turning back to the other, he said, "Thanks, Andrew," then waited as LaCroix stood and started slowly in the general direction of his desk...and Tracy, who he handed the composite to. Then as LaCroix seemed ready to sit at his desk, Nick grabbed the other's arm and tugged LaCroix lightly toward him. In a whisper he asked, "Is that what the attacker truly looked like?" "Very pretty, isn't she?" "LaCroix--" "Yes, it is accurate," LaCroix replied rather dryly. "Really, now...do you think I would come here and lie?" "If you had a need for it." LaCroix smiled, then turned and glanced behind him just as Natalie approached. He leaned toward his son, "I'm sure you can appreciate beauty." "Is that why you watched?" "Perhaps. One of many reasons. I couldn't resist as they say." His grin darkened for a moment. "Perhaps you should resist less." Nick startled at a hand on his arm. Natalie. Abruptly he released LaCroix' arm, then he became silently disappointed when LaCroix didn't leave. "Nat, you have something?" "Guess at the murder weapon. Get this: A steak knife. Or another similar, relatively small, thin, serrated blade." LaCroix, who walked around his son during the explanation, whispered one amused word behind the other. "Lunch." Nick shut his eyes tight at the taunting. Why did LaCroix have to do this here, as he worked, in the precinct and with Tracy right there, probably standing behind LaCroix? "You can go now," he said, spinning. "No 'thank you for your assistance,' Nicholas?" Annoyed even further by LaCroix' informality, Nick simply replied, "Thank you, LaCroix. Now go," and returned to face Natalie. LaCroix' attention also went to Natalie as he headed to leave, and he paused next to her. He almost gave her a hint of advice, but seeing his son's glare he settled with a smile, a short but suggestive look-over of Natalie, and a faint chuckle as he left. Natalie had pulled slightly away at LaCroix' action, but didn't budge until she saw Nick relax. "What is his problem?" she whispered to Nick. In reply, Nick merely quietly told her, "I don't think he particularly wanted to come in." "Why did he?" Natalie asked, a bit louder so that Tracy could hear. "All of the others that saw something...they all saw something different," Tracy answered. "And Nick said 'please'." Nick, caught between Tray's answer and Natalie's surprise, looked away. "Well, Reese will be pleased," Tracy added, drawing both their gazes. "He kinda draws a lot of attention and makes people feel uncomfortable. Everyone can get back to work now." Nick smiled slightly at that. "Nat, anything else?" "Well, pretty sure I was right about the attacker being taller." "How much taller?" "A good six inches. Six foot, or close to it. Depends on what kind of shoes she had on." "But still taller than average? So, what, most likely 5'9" to 6'?" "Most likely." Nick looked down at the print out. It matched up to LaCroix' guess. That would narrow things down, but the question remained what the relationship was between the two as well as just how accurate the sketch from LaCroix turned out to be. Broken Lies - (10/42) Natalie let herself in to Nick's loft two mornings later. After heading back to the morgue the previous night, she had looked at Nick's blood sample. She had almost gone straight back to the precinct and...well, she probably would have yelled at him. By his blood it was clear to her that he was starving. His body wasn't clearing out old blood cells but instead hanging onto them to keep his blood volume up. Whatever the case, nearly twenty-percent of Nick's blood was, for lack of a better description, dead and more or less useless to his system as far as she could tell. She hadn't gone and chewed him out that night or the previous morning, nor was that why she was there now. She knew arguing wouldn't help, and didn't at all think chastising him would get him to take better care of himself. She still didn't really know why Nick was doing this, but Natalie worried her guess was right--that Nick was just giving up. He had already half-admitted it to her, and to be honest he seemed almost depressed of late. And yet he still hadn't pushed her out of his life...and cut himself out of hers. That's what she feared would happen. They had actually gotten a touch closer, which she supposed could be a bad sign if he really was giving up. Before she said anything, Natalie also wanted another blood sample. She had decided not to say anything as long as he wasn't getting any worse. After all, Nick seemed to be coping relatively well with what he'd been doing. He didn't seem any more on edge than usual, and any tiredness possibly related more to his thoughts and mood than his physical state. It was mid-morning and as she expected Nick had gone to bed. Slowly dropping off her purse and coat and even her shoes, Natalie crept up to the bedroom and entered. She could just barely make out Nick's form on the bed. He lay on his back, hands crossed above his heart. And once again he was having a nightmare. However hard Natalie tried she couldn't get that sight out of her thoughts, and in fact was one reason she kept coming over every two or three days. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Natalie gently, carefully prodded Nick awake. Like other times it was neither easy nor simple, and then gold pricks stared up at her for a moment once she had managed to wake him. As the glow vanished, Natalie smiled. "Hi." "Hi," Nick groggily replied. "What time is it?" "A little after ten." Nick paused, digesting that. He hadn't been asleep long, and yet he could still sense flits of images from his dream. "Why are you here? Is something wrong?" "Nope, nothing wrong," Natalie lied. "Just thought I'd see how you're doing. Any progress on your case?" Nick shook his head. "Just a lot of upset and shocked friends and relatives. Tracy's checking something out this afternoon...we're having a hard time contacting the boyfriend...the fiancé," he corrected. "They were to get married in less than a month." "You think he's involved?" "We both think he might be the link to our suspect." "Any ID on the suspect?" "No." Nick shook his head as he stared up at the ceiling for a few seconds, then closed his eyes. This case was unusually frustrating. They knew exactly what their suspect looked like, but nothing more. So far they had no leads. Even Natalie hadn't been able to provide much more than she had initially. The only added information had been that young Ella had been pregnant. A life that would never be. "Nick?" "I'm fine," he replied automatically. Then, both wanting a change of subject and surprised Natalie hadn't brought it up he asked, "Right? You did run that sample?" "Yeah, I ran it," Natalie confirmed, but she pulled back slightly. "And?" "And what?" "Anything of note?" Natalie slowly shook her head. "Not at this time. I'd like another sample before I make any guesses," she vaguely answered. When Nick seemed to take that without question, nodding in understanding, Natalie relaxed. Then she changed the subject. "Tracy still...hovering?" Nick lazily rolled his head toward Natalie, his expression plainly resigned. "Yes. And asking questions...and getting some answers." Concerned, Natalie asked, "What answers?" "She knows I speak French...and LaCroix as well. She asked that as we left the Raven. I had to practically beg LaCroix to help and I slipped into French." Seeing Nick's worry, Natalie instinctively reached a hand forward toward his face, but she stopped and rest her hand on his shoulder instead. "I'm sure it'll be fine, Nick. It's not that unusual--" "She remembered I'm supposedly from Chicago. Which added other questions, like how I learned it." "What did you tell her?" "The truth, more or less." He looked away. "I told her that my mother spoke it. I figured it would stop further questions on it. It did, although then she asked about LaCroix. Noticed, guessed, his name was French." He stopped for a moment, nearly smiling. "And I told her it was, but he wasn't. He won't like that." "I bet that added another question for her." "Probably." "Just probably?" "I...left after that. Used the excuse of setting things up for LaCroix to come in." "And she didn't ask later after he left or last night?" Nick slowly shook his head. "No, although she apparently checked into it and noted I wasn't listed with the other officers who also speak French. I didn't comment, but her curiosity is clearly piqued. She knows I'm not fond of her questions. She seems to be asking them in spurts rather than a couple every night. She's also asked a little about my hobbies." "So you never know when she'll start asking?" Getting another silent 'no' Natalie nodded, gently rubbed Nick's shoulder for a moment, then started to pull her hand away only to have it snatched like lightning by Nick's closer hand. "I should go so that you can sleep," she told him, but he didn't immediately answer. Nick stared up at Natalie, noticing for the first time her clothes. She had to have gone home after work and changed. She wore a t-shirt and leggings. Natalie had dressed with the plan to stay, and in truth he wanted her to. Still grasping Natalie's hand, Nick slowly pulled back the sheets. Natalie shifted, which made it easier for Nick. As he moved back slightly and turned on his side, she felt like she had somehow forced his actions. It didn't help that her eyes had adjusted to the low light levels to the degree she could see his clothes: Just a t-shirt and boxers. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea? "Nick, I can go if--" "Stay. Please." She hesitated, Nick's blood sample flashing in her thoughts. "You...feel okay?" she tentatively asked. "I don't feel abnormally hungry, if that's what you're asking." He forced a quick smile. "I'll be all right. Just leave if--" "If you tell me to. I know." She caught a second more genuine smile, then glanced at her hand. "If you want me to stay I'll need you to let go, at least for a moment." He did, and Natalie carefully lay next to him. Almost instantly she felt the cool sheets cover her and Nick pulled her close, his arms wrapped firmly around her, their legs slightly entwined, his head turned against her neck and hair. It was frankly a bit uncomfortable, and after what felt like minutes she tried to crane her neck back, but Nick just tightened his grip. "Nick..." "We shouldn't be doing this," he whispered. Then, carefully, he kissed Natalie first on the neck, then along her chin, then finally once on the mouth, at which he pulled slightly back. Natalie stiffened slightly upon seeing Nick's softly glowing eyes. She could also just make out where his fangs were likely hiding. "I thought you said we shouldn't be--" She cut off as he kissed her again far more deeply. Closing her eyes she felt his fangs against her lips. It didn't frighten her, and she relaxed into the kiss as he pulled away. "We shouldn't," he again told her. "And it won't, can't continue. Not for long. Not without--" Halting mid-sentence, Nick shut his eyes tight. "The more often we do this the more I...the faster this ends. Whatever this is." "Nick--" In a flash he moved his hand and touched Natalie's lips, stopping her. He wanted to finish his thoughts, make sure once more that she understood. "If I manage to not kill you but nearly do...that'll be it. I'll end up...I won't be able to stay. I'll likely vanish from your life without warning. You know that, right? Either I kill you or... This is temporary. Possibly very. Just today, a few days, probably no more than a few weeks." He paused again, removed his hand and gently gave Natalie another kiss. "Are a few moments of this, of fleeting bliss worth the disappointment and possibly even your life?" Natalie hesitated, struck by his uncertainty and anguish, as well as the possibility that Nick could be gone from her life at any time it sounded like. She kissed him on the cheek, answering, "Yes." Feeling him squirm, she added, "It's got to be better than dancing around how we feel. Or pretending...trying to ignore it." As he again relaxed, Natalie slowly breathed in, knowing what she next told him would make him even more uncomfortable. He might even tell her to leave. "And there is another possibility, another option." "No," Nick immediately replied, pulling away from Natalie before she could even mention it. "Nick, please don't dismiss it without a thought. I know you think of what you are as being a curse, but it is another option." By now Nick had rolled fully on his back and was looking away from her. Inching closer, Natalie whispered, "Will you at least think about it? Please?" Nick just stared up at the ceiling, unable to answer. He could neither give her false hope nor outright disappoint her. He wouldn't bring her across, not even if the alternative was her death at his hands. Feeling fingers brush against his cheek, Nick turned to look at Natalie. Her concern was palpable. Did she somehow know or suspect what he was considering? Did she know what his thoughts were, that leaving her life meant more than just leaving Toronto? "Nick?" "I'm sorry. I'm just tired," he murmured, ignoring the question. In truth he was rather tired. He had been sleeping more than usual of late, especially after nights he hadn't had anything to drink...like last night. Hoping to change the subject he asked, "What time do you need to be up?" Then he couldn't help but smile; the last time Natalie had stayed she had been late to work. "Whenever; I'm off, so I can stay as long as I'd like." She kissed his smiling lips lightly and was pleased when he didn't pull back again. Surprisingly he pulled her closer as he kissed her back, first on the mouth and then along her neck to her shoulder. Her heart abruptly sped its pace as much out of nerves as pleasure, especially as she felt sharp points gently graze her skin. Just as she considered stopping him, Nick did so of his own accord. She smiled as he took her free hand in his and kissed the back of it. This felt so normal, and yet it was far from it. They were dancing on the edge of a blade instead of around its sharp point now. When Natalie started to shift slightly back, probably to lay her head on his shoulder, Nick stopped her and guided her head toward his. He tensed feeling her warm breath on his neck, but didn't try to move away. Instead, after a moment he released her hand and carefully wrapped his arm around her, then closed his eyes. Natalie also had to take a few seconds to relax. The few times they had slept this close Nick had kept both himself away from her neck and she from his. Yet here she lay, her lips just a couple finger-widths from the sensitive skin below his ear. She could even feel Nick seemingly trying to pull her closer. Once her heartrate had finally come down, she shifted her arms to return his embrace only to immediately pull her hand away upon feeling his bare skin against hers. His shirt must have shifted. Nick stiffened at the touch on his side, but almost instantly shifted his hand to her arm, holding it in place. "Don't, Nat. It's fine. Please." He guided her warm hand back to his side, keeping hold of it until she stopped pulling away. Natalie's thoughts flipped several times between asking if he was sure and remaining silent before settling on the latter. She trusted that Nick knew whether it would be okay...usually if he was too on edge about something he either protested or became visibly angry in some way. Right now he seemed rather calm, almost too calm, particularly given her request. He hadn't answered, but he also hadn't argued. But then Nick could be quiet, subdued from giving up, giving in, and he had reminded her of the danger. That thought made her more sad than afraid, and before fully relaxing she inched closer and kissed Nick lightly on his neck. It was just a quick peck, and then she closed her eyes and snuggled in closer to him, not wanting to let him go. Broken Lies - (11/42) That morning Natalie awoke to again find Nick lying with his head over her heart. Then she had fallen back to sleep and woke sometime after Nick had taken a shower and begun to dress for work. He softly smiled at her as he pulled on a shirt, then he glanced down as she watched him button it. Again she was struck by how normal this seemed, this was... And while she had been at Nick's as he had readied for work before, it was different actually watching him. Glancing at the clock, the time barely registered and she had to look again. If she was right, he had to be at work in not much more than half an hour. Horribly she quickly realised what that would likely mean: He wouldn't be going by the Raven, and more importantly he wouldn't feed. If he did go, he'd have to leave now. Had he the previous night? Quietly, she pushed the covers back, got out of the bed, and approached Nick. He didn't turn to her until she touched his arm, at which he abruptly dropped his hands from his shirt, a couple buttons still undone. "It's a bit late to get up, isn't it?" "I won't be late." Natalie pursed her lips and, when he didn't resume his actions, stepped in front of him and finished buttoning up his shirt. He didn't stop her and just smiled curiously down. Fixing the top button, Natalie let her hands brush against his shoulders a couple of times smoothing his shirt unnecessarily in worry. "I take it you won't be going by the club, then?" Nick looked sharply away even as he took her hands in his and pulled them down from his shoulders. "No, not tonight." "Hmm." He turned back and raised Natalie's hands between them. "I can go by later. I really don't want anything right now." "Because you're not hungry or because you're avoiding LaCroix?" Nick kissed the back of one of Natalie's hands, stalling, and then he told her, "Maybe both." "Well, you know where my office is." He smiled, leaned forward, gave Natalie a kiss on the cheek, and just before releasing her hands, whispered, "I'll start some coffee." Then he left, prematurely abandoning his task of getting ready for work. Natalie watched him, again feeling a touch of sadness. If he was partly avoiding LaCroix, then he certainly hadn't had any blood the previous night. She didn't want to think how he felt or would feel after his shift. Whether or not he was hungry, Nick still seemed tired...sluggish. Glancing about the room, Natalie gathered the rest of his things he had set out: A belt, shoes, socks, and his shoulder holster. Then she started quickly downstairs, where she found Nick standing at the kitchen counter, barefoot, his shirt still untucked. She set the shoes and socks on one of the kitchen chairs, then caught a quick glance from Nick as she started toward him, where he had just finished starting up the coffee maker. Planning to turn around, Nick found he couldn't; Natalie was too close. When he felt her take his arm and pull it back slightly, he initially tried to twist free. Then, realising what she was doing, he relaxed and let her slip on his shoulder holster, helping her when she reached for his other arm. He closed his eyes as her hands smoothed over his shoulders and back, the simple touch almost too much. "Now tuck in your shirt." "You aren't going to?" Nick asked, turning, where he found Natalie holding his belt. "It seems you're intent on dressing me yourself." "Yes, well, I kinda figured you'd stop me on that one," she admitted, bowing her head for a second. Nick mirrored Natalie's action as he did as told, smiling. Then he tensed as she stepped back up to him and started threading his belt through the loops on his pants. He again shut his eyes as she moved right up against his body as she reached around him. He had to force himself not to stop her as she fastened it. When her hands lingered, he opened his softly glowing eyes just before she kissed him. It was quick, just a couple of seconds, but as she pulled away he didn't bother averting his gaze to hide his eyes and fangs...not that it would help if he did. Natalie was faintly startled but recovered quickly. She hadn't quite expected him to change from the kiss, but apparently her other actions had added up. Smiling tentatively, she kept her eyes locked on Nick while slowly moving her hands, one to his chest and the other to his neck. Once sure Nick wouldn't try to escape, she again kissed him, this time as deeply as he would allow. At first, Nick managed to relax at the long, rather intimate kiss. Then, after his fangs had been teased, lightly touched, and purposely stroked by Natalie's tongue, Nick found his hunger rising. He tilted his head back to break the kiss for a moment, only to feel Natalie's lips brush against his neck. After basking in the sensations for what seemed like minutes, Nick returned the kisses, planting them under Natalie's jaw, then down the very front of her neck down to her clavicle. Hungrily he pushed the collar of Natalie's t-shirt aside as he kissed and gently nipped along her collar bone to her shoulder. He felt more feather light kisses on his neck as she pulled him closer, and instinctively he reared his head back in preparation to strike. Coming down he pulled back, raising his head at the last moment, the front side of his fangs down to their points sliding against Natalie's skin. Even then he nearly switched directions to bite her, but instead he simply lightly kissed her skin once, then he pulled back even as he held Natalie more tightly. He turned his face to hers, kissing her again on the cheek. He didn't pull away, merely held her as he willed his wants and needs back under control, hoping he hadn't scratched her even though he couldn't smell blood. Natalie was slightly stunned by Nick's abrupt halt, but after a few moments she realised what had nearly happened. She hadn't seen it, but knew he had pulled back...in preparation to bite her. Nick had nearly killed her. She could practically feel his anguish and fear as he held her against him. Returning his firm embrace, Natalie turned her head to give him a kiss on his temple. "I'm sorry, Nat. I--" "Shh." "I nearly--" "I know. It's fine." "It's not...fine," he told her, the last word forced. "Not...not with how I feel." "It's fine, Nick. I understand--" Nick abruptly straightened and went from holding Natalie desperately close to him, to now pushing her back, fighting her own hold on him. "You don't--you can't understand. I don't want to hurt you. I want you, but with what I am...I can't be with you like I want and not want your blood. You can't understand the conflict I feel when I'm so close to you." Natalie pursed her lips, then slowly moved her hands, brushing them along Nick's back and up to his shoulders. He tensed and the pressure on her shoulders increased as he held her back with more force. Letting one hand slide down his arm she teased his cheek with the fingers of her other hand. "I understand better than you might think, Nick. I can't exactly do what I'd like, either. You don't want to hurt me and I don't want to push you too much as I can see how difficult this is for you." Bowing his head and closing his eyes, Nick relaxed his arms. He hadn't really thought how hard this was for Natalie. Yes, she knew he could very well kill her, but he hadn't thought of Natalie holding back her feelings like he was. Not really. He felt her fingers flit along his jaw, and he tilted his head to the side, causing them to ever so briefly brush his neck before her hand dropped to his shoulder. "You know how I feel about you, right? Even though I haven't--" Nick cut off his rambling. She commented that taking the risk was better than dancing around their feelings; he might as well say it straight out and he blurted, "I love you, Natalie." Immediately she kissed him, then pushed him back, her hands on either side of his face. "I know. I love you, too," she admitted it. Saying it felt so very right. "We're quite the pair, aren't we?" Nick smiled. "Yes, we are." They stood there, staring into each other's eyes until the coffee maker sputtered. "Your coffee," Nick muttered and turned, going to a cupboard for a mug. Natalie watched him until he started a spoon toward the flavoured creamer she liked. "Oh, no, no," she said after he had dumped one heaping spoonful into the mug. She grabbed his arm as he went to scoop up more. One of Nick's scoops was more than two of hers. "I've got this; you go finish getting ready for work." Smiling as Natalie pulled the spoon from his hand with a grin, Nick spotted his socks and shoes on a chair. He picked them up, sat, and quickly put them on as he watched Natalie move to the sofa with her cup of coffee. Getting up, he retrieved his watch...which Natalie had given to him. How long had she loved him? How long had they both tiptoed around their feelings? He couldn't pinpoint any particular moment things had changed. Their relationship, their friendship had always been complicated. Suddenly realising he was just standing there, staring at nothing, still fiddling absently with his watch, Nick moved to join Natalie on the sofa. Sitting, he snaked his arm behind her back, pulling her next to him as he leaned his head over her shoulder. Natalie leaned back into Nick, her eyes closed and hands wrapped around her mug. She felt Nick's breath on her neck and half-expected him to kiss her. Instead, after a moment his still slightly damp hair replaced the breath as he rest his head on her shoulder. Turning her head she raised one hand to touch his face. He had his eyes closed and she couldn't help but feel he was close to tears despite his seeming calmness. "You doing all right?" Pulling away, he muttered, "Fine." "Nick--" "I'm fine. Just...can you stop worrying? I feel like I'm being smothered between..." He shut his eyes as Natalie silently leaned against him. "I'm... No, I'm not all right, but... Can you please not ask how I feel, or...whatever?" "Hmm. If you stop apologising for, well, something you haven't done..." She tried to get a good look at Nick, but he was staring off across the room. "I'll try not to ask." He continued staring away. "Nick?" He finally nodded. "I'll try, but I can't guarantee anything. At all." "Who really can?" Nick's lips flickered into a smile for a split second, and he gave Natalie a little squeeze. "I will try, Nat." She took a sip of her coffee and tried to snuggle back up next to Nick. When Nick gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, she closed her eyes and let him just hold her for several minutes. Drinking more of her coffee, she asked, "Can I stay tomorrow? Or do you think Sydney needs my company?" She twisted in Nick's grasp a little and spied another half-smile. "Might want to spend the day with Sydney so he doesn't get too jealous." "Probably," she replied a bit disappointed, but she also understood why he wouldn't want her to stay. "Can I drop by the precinct tonight?" "You can do that whenever you want." He leaned his head against Natalie's and once again shut his eyes. Soon he had to leave for work. Very soon unless he left his car at home...which he could do, but that would only add a few minutes. Not enough. Broken Lies - (12/42) "Am I under arrest? Do I need a lawyer?" "You're not under arrest, Mr. Danson," Nick said to Ella Van Hart's fiancé. Anthony Danson had arrived home late that night and been brought in. He looked exhausted and confused. He seemed to have no clue what had happened to his girlfriend. "You were told why you're here, weren't you?" Tracy asked. "The officer just said it was about Ella. Is she here? Is she in trouble? Was she in an accident, or mugged? What?" When the two detectives glanced at one another, Tony Danson became nervous and tried to think of some explanation. "Is this some sort of hazing? You two put up by Zach to do this?" Tony waited a moment, but the detectives didn't budge. "So this isn't some joke ending to the stag party?" "Mr. Danson," Nick started again, pausing, hating to tell the other like this, "Ella was murdered two nights ago." "M-murdered? Ella's...dead?" He stood and walked toward the mirrored wall in shock. "She's gone? What happened? Who--" "We're hoping you might know that," Nick prompted. "I've been in New York City for the past five days." "None of Ella's friends recognise her killer," Tracy explained, then unfolded a sheet of paper...a copy of the composite. She put it on the table near the distraught young man. "Do you recognise this woman?" Hesitantly Tony Danson approached the table and picked up the piece of paper. He felt ill looking at it. "You recognise her," Nick stated, noticing the other's disbelieving stare. "It's my sister," Tony whispered. "I'm pretty sure it's...but I haven't seen her for years. She's never even met Ella." No one spoke for a moment, and Tracy turned to look at Nick. Her partner had zoned off; he suddenly looked worse than the fiancé. Great. "Did you send her an invitation?" When Mr. Danson looked at her blankly, she prodded, "You and Ella were getting married, yes?" Tony shook his head. "It was going to be very small. Just us and our parents for the ceremony. We had our friends plan the parties instead of--" He cut off. "Andrea... I didn't even know where she was." "Could your parents--" "No, she--Andrea cut ties with all of us the moment she could." "Did your fiancée know you have a sister?" Tracy continued. "Yeah, she knew, but..." Nick barely listened, his thoughts elsewhere. Specifically they were back on Natalie. He had left for work that night reluctantly. Now, with finding out who their suspect was--the victim's soon to be sister-in-law--Nick had immediately thought of LaCroix. What would the other think of his and Natalie's increased closeness? Or the affect it had on him? And, more specifically, what would LaCroix do about it? Particularly if he somehow managed to not kill Natalie. Would LaCroix murder her in some twisted plan to help him? At first, upon zoning out, he had imagined LaCroix doing just that. The more he thought about it, however, the more he wondered if Natalie was safer from LaCroix than she was from himself. Whenever they next spoke he counted on some comment...LaCroix would realise something had changed in him. Natalie was now the only thing holding him there. As long as LaCroix knew how important Natalie was to him, she was safe. Nick shifted hearing the door shut; Tracy had left for...something. Mr. Danson once again sat at the table, head in his hands. The mortal was drowning in his loss and the closeness of the murderer. But Nick knew the young mortal would recover, or at least it'd be unlikely for him to ever lose another like this. The young man would bounce back stronger than before. Mortals were resilient. As Tracy came back in, Nick watched as she talked to the young man...and he began writing down everything he could think of about his estranged sister. Yes, this mortal would recover. He would manage to rebuild his life, even likely love again. If that was himself sitting there...he'd probably have been dragged off in a strait-jacket by now. Startling at a hand on his arm, Nick turned to find Tracy right there, clearly concerned. Tonight she had really been watching him, and for the first time since he had noticed her concern it didn't really bother him. He was too preoccupied by his thoughts to care much. By the time he noticed, some other thought distracted him. Like now. Feeling his arm now being gently tugged, Nick started for the door to the hall ahead of Tracy, then once outside he moved off to the side. Tracy pulled the door shut. "Nick--" "I'm sorry, Trace. I--" "Don't apologise, Nick. I wasn't going to chew you out about...whatever that was. Someone is waiting for you." Nick tensed. Someone? Who? He felt another touch on his arm; Tracy was trying to turn him and start him back toward his desk. He saw who it was a moment before Tracy elaborated and came to a halt. "It's Nat, here to ask when we're going to lunch." "Which is?" "Er, well," Tracy started, glancing back toward the interview room they had just left. "I guess that depends what we got to go on. You can go; I'll wait here for Mr. Danson." Tracy nodded toward Natalie. It felt odd telling him what to do, then even odder when he blindly walked off without any kind of look or comment. She watched them from where she stood out of the way. Natalie smiled as Nick walked up to where she sat in his chair. "Tracy said you got an ID on the sketch." Nick's neutral expression darkened. "The fiancé's sister." "Oh, God, that's--" She cut off noticing Nick seemed even more out of it than usual of late. "I'd ask if he's doing all right--" "He'll be fine...with time." Natalie stood and silently took his hands in hers. He felt absolutely icy, his skin almost clammy. She remembered Nick's earlier request and resisted asking how he was doing. "So..." "I think Tracy's a bit annoyed with me. Part way into the interview I just...she got left asking most of the questions. I barely remember it." He tried to move to sit at his desk, but Natalie didn't seem to want to budge. "Nat, I want to see if I can pull anything up on our suspect. So far I haven't actually done any work tonight." "I doubt that's true," she told him, but moved, switching places with him, then let go of one of his hands as he sat down. Nick tugged on his other hand then smiled when she stepped forward. "I need this hand, too." She let go and watched as Nick quickly started a search. He paused typing in the name he was searching for as she put her hands on his rather tense shoulders. He relaxed at the touch until he got no results even after he had redone the search. "Nothing?" "Nothing, or nothing useful," Nick confirmed, leaning back, frustrated. He closed his eyes as Natalie tried to loosen his tight muscles, but it wasn't helping much at all and he spun his chair to the side. One of Natalie's hands dropped away, the other sliding along behind his neck to his other shoulder. That simple touch oddly helped him relax more than her more direct attempt, and he smiled up at her wishing they weren't in the middle of the bullpen. It almost didn't feel like it until he spotted Tracy coming out of Reese's office. He stood and next thing he knew Natalie kissed him on the mouth. When Natalie deepened the kiss, pushing her tongue past his lips, he couldn't resist and responded with the same intensity despite the inappropriateness of their location. Natalie pulled slowly away and heard a whistle from somewhere across the room. Instinctively she wanted to look away, hide, something. She could barely believe what she had done. She hadn't actually even meant to kiss him on the mouth, but once she had... Looking at Nick, she saw that his eyes were closed and his head bowed. She knew he had changed. He was gently holding her arms as if to steady himself. Natalie pressed her lips gently to the corner of his mouth. "Nick--" "Everyone is probably watching us," he whispered. "And? You do know they'd be watching us anyway." "Watching...without commenting." He opened his eyes, now blue, and once again smiled. "Knight! Lambert!" Natalie winced hearing her name. She rarely got yelled for; forget that Reese rarely yelled for Nick that she was aware...he usually just came and found him. "Sorry, Nick. Guess it's lecture time," she said as she pulled away from Nick, then turned to head toward Reese's office. She felt a flush of embarrassment as Nick fell in right behind her, his hand on her back as they crossed to the office. For not liking the extra attention a moment ago, he sure didn't seem to mind attracting it now. Natalie pushed her smile away as Nick shut the door, then they both started, "Captain--" "I didn't call you two in here to ask for an explanation. Mr. Danson would like to see his fiancée's body," Reese turned to Natalie. "Would you mind, Doctor? I know you're not--" "Yeah, sure," she quickly replied, thankful this was about work and not her and Nick's personal lives. "And Knight..." Reese watched his detective stiffen, any hint of the other's good mood from moments ago gone. "Go with her. Danson's parents are here--they're apparently going to drive him over." Nick nodded absently, then turned to leave. "Lambert, don't keep him too long." Natalie nodded, feeling a hint of her embarrassment return as she followed Nick out. Reaching his desk, she found Nick holding her coat. She turned and let him help her put it on. "Tracy," Nick said as he got his own coat, "I'll be back in a few; I'll be at the morgue." Tracy looked up from her computer to see Nick wrap his arm behind Natalie's back as they started to leave. "Nick?" she called, then when they stopped and Nick looked back over his shoulder at her, she asked, "While you're out could you get me something to eat? Anything but your favourite." Nick nodded with an amused smile. "Sure." "Great. Thanks." Natalie leaned close to Nick as he led her out and she quietly asked, "Your favourite?" "Souvlaki." "Souvlaki?" Nick grinned. "She hates it." His smile faltered. "She was trying to figure out what I liked, and in evading I mentioned Schanke's affinity for it. She made some comment--" "And you told her that was your favourite since you knew if she hated it, then--" "She'd probably never get me any, nor would she want me to get her lunch." Again, Nick nodded. "It worked." Broken Lies - (13/42) That morning Tracy sat curled up on the floor at Vachon's, her hands smoothing back and forth over a velvety throw in her lap, watching the fabric's sheen change back and forth. Nick and Natalie had arrived back half an hour after leaving, complete with lunch...for herself and Natalie. Nick had mostly worked as they ate, although not much more than she had managed while they were gone. Natalie teased Nick with ketchup laden French fries until he actually ate one. Her sandwich had fallen apart and landed mostly in its box on her desk in her surprise...particularly given her partner's twisted, pale face as he swallowed it. A few minutes later Nick had excused himself, and she could guess why. Tracy had done her best to not watch them, but it was hard. She had watched them earlier when Natalie had kissed him...which had, she was sure, made Nick vamp out. It was hard for him to be that close to Natalie, she was sure. She hadn't said anything to either of them as they seemed a bit embarrassed right after. The runaway kiss hadn't been entirely planned or expected by either of them, if she had to guess. After they ate, she had noticed that while Nick seemed quite happy with Natalie there...exceedingly happy, really...his smiles had a sad tinge to them. Then, once Natalie had left, Nick's mood had dropped off a cliff. Literally. And not only had he gone from happy and smiling to worrying and distracted...he had gone from working to not. Nick had gotten more done with Natalie there poking him than he had managed in the past few days. As soon as Natalie left, Nick had returned to staring blankly across the precinct. Something had changed, and she couldn't help but think Nick was getting worse. And it had something to do with Natalie...but what, exactly, she couldn't tell. To her it almost seemed like Nick was putting up some sort of façade. He looked and acted so lively, so...Nick-like around Natalie. Then he turned more and more zombie-like every time the two spent any kind of time together and then one or the other left...even if it was over a body or just dropping off or picking up a report. It's like Natalie was zapping him of life, but Nick was the vampire, not Natalie. And tonight...tonight had been bad for Nick. Or maybe Nick just hated his new life so much that Natalie was the only person that could make him forget about what he was and what that meant? Then when she'd leave, it hit him again...and it was getting worse because they were showing more affection to each other, especially Natalie to Nick whereas before it had mostly been Nick. Vachon had said something about how new vampires usually left their lives. Nick hadn't, and she could guess why: Natalie. The two were best friends. They were closer to one another than most married couples were that she could tell. Tonight, watching them flirt back and forth, it hit her that might be why Nick was zoning out so much. Nick had never gotten married, never had children, never had a family... While Nick was alive and now had eternity, he had lost out on so much. Nick and Natalie had only gotten closer--or noticeably to her, anyway--after he had been shot, too. Nick probably felt like he'd missed out there as well, especially if they really had only been friends. Rumour mill said otherwise, but rumour mill said her father had pulled strings for her to graduate from the academy, which he hadn't. Rumours were just that--guesses or assumptions that could very well be false. Vachon watched Tracy methodically smooth out the blanket for probably the thousandth time. She hadn't spoken since she had arrived a good half hour ago, looking like someone had died and proclaiming she just wanted to sit quietly for a bit, that she had come there because she hadn't wanted to be alone. "Trace--" "It's...it's not fair," she abruptly told him, not able to hold back her frustration any longer. She stared at the throw a moment, then shoved it away and shifted, bringing her knees up to her chest. "I think I know the answer to this, but...it's not reversible, is it? What you are." "Not that I'm aware." "Do you know of someone that might know more?" Vachon considered that, but the only vampire he knew of that had actively tried to reverse it was Knight. Beyond him the only vampires that might know anything were the old ones...like LaCroix. And if he knew, Vachon didn't see him telling. "Vachon? You know someone?" He shook his head. "Sorry, Trace." Her twinge of hope at Vachon's thoughtful look vanished and Tracy rest her head sideways on her knees for a moment. Closing her eyes, she mumbled, "It should have been me. That bullet was meant for me. Nick, ever the hero, gave his life for mine. He's one of the good guys. He's not supposed to--" She cut off, her frustration welling up again, and she raised her head. "He's a cop for the right reasons...not for power, or to carry a gun, or any of that macho, tough-guy crap, but to help people." "I thought you said he was doing fine with the cop stuff," Vachon commented, hoping it would calm her thoughts. "He is, but he's not with the whole vampire thing. He's acting more and more like a zombie. Especially with me. Especially now that I know. I'm really worried about him." She paused, then asked another question she suspected she knew the answer to, "Vachon...what do new vampires do if they can't cope?" He froze. "Vachon, please." "They walk into the dawn." "They kill themselves," Tracy whispered. It was the answer she had somewhat expected. She had hoped it wouldn't be, but it was. Feeling the beginnings of tears welling up, she blinked to disperse the extra moisture. Nick wouldn't...or would he? "It's unusual, though, and Knight's made it, what, three months?" "Yeah, I guess. So?" "Then he probably won't. Most who manage it either do it right off or they're older," he told her. Tracy considered that and commented, "Like the one that made you." Getting a nod, she relaxed slightly. Nick had been fine at first...or as fine as anyone could be finding out you're a myth. He had only started getting really out of it more recently, but it didn't change how she felt. "Were you ever upset about being turned? I mean, you were in a similar situation...kind of. You would have died if she hadn't saved you, and you didn't exactly have a choice..." Vachon thought for a few seconds before shaking his head. "No, not really." "Let me guess; most vampires like what they are. That someone wouldn't makes no sense to you." Vachon nearly protested, but stopped himself. He couldn't tell Tracy he could understand why her partner didn't without saying too much. He knew enough about Knight to know LaCroix followed him. Everywhere. Everywhen. And he knew that wherever LaCroix went, mortals died. He also knew from rumours that Knight was every bit as murderous as LaCroix, or at least could be. He, himself, had killed friends...who knew how many Knight had lost by either his own hands or LaCroix'? "What are you thinking?" "Nothing," Vachon muttered. Tracy, however, didn't believe him. He had been thinking, zoned out...rather like Nick. "It does make sense to you, doesn't it?" He again seemed torn between answering and not. "Vachon?" He stared at Tracy, his mind racing. He needed to get Tracy to drop this before she went digging for information at the club, but how? "Fine. I just hate what's happening to him. I wish I could do something, say something to help." Tracy paused, a thought occurring to her. "Could you?" "Could I what?" "Talk to him." When he shook his head, she asked, "Why not? Who else can? His other options are, that I'm aware, just me, Natalie, and LaCroix. I'm just his nosey co-worker. While he talks to Nat, I think he's also keeping this from her...how he feels deep down. He always seems happy and normal whenever I've seen them interact lately, but...I don't think he has any other friends. And LaCroix...all of you act like he's evil incarnate." Seeing that Vachon still seemed against the idea, she explained, "Me and Nat aren't vampires, we...well, we're outsiders. We can't really understand what he's going through, or that's how he'd see it. But you're--" "To him I'm just some lazy vamp putting you in danger," Vachon told her. "But you're almost five-hundred years old, you've--" "Tracy--" "Then tell me what I can do," Tracy half-yelled as she stood up, took a step closer to Vachon, and looked down on him. "Am I supposed to just watch Nick struggle and hope he goes back to normal? That's what you think, right?" Vachon just stared at her, but whether because she was right or because he really just didn't know, she couldn't discern. "What about LaCroix? If you said something to him do you think it would help?" Vachon slowly shook his head. "No, it wouldn't help, or no, you'd refuse to even tell him?" "If Knight is his--" "He is." "--there's no point in telling him," Vachon answered, hoping he hadn't said too much. "Why?" Tracy asked, now more curious than angry. "He'll know." "How?" "I don't know how, but if your partner is as bad off as you seem to think, he'll know." Tracy felt uncomfortable at the answer. 'He'll know.' What did that even mean? Even Vachon seemed uncomfortable. Why didn't anyone want to talk about LaCroix? "Will him knowing help or hurt Nick?" Frustrated by the never-ending questions, Vachon broke. "Look, Tracy...I don't know. I'm sorry, but--" "You don't care. For whatever reason you have something against Nick. I get it. The only people that care about Nick are me and Natalie." "It's not my place to get involved, Tracy." "Maybe you should, sometime." "Not with this. And you shouldn't, either." "Because of LaCroix, by any chance?" Vachon ignored the question. "You shouldn't get involved because Knight will leave. He should have already. He probably knows it, wants to. We all have to leave eventually." "So what are you saying?" "Maybe...maybe you're misreading him," Vachon suggested. "I'm not. He practically admitted he doesn't like being a vampire." "You said he seems like a zombie?" Getting a nod, he asked, "Does he seem bored? Tired? Like he doesn't want to be there?" Tracy was stunned. Nick did seem all of those, but she had attributed it to him being, well, depressed. And not mildly, like if he wanted to leave but hadn't. "Tracy?" "Er, I guess, but...it's more than just burnout." Then she sighed and slumped onto the chair she had been leaning against earlier. "But I suppose that could be part of it," she admitted. Still, Tracy couldn't shake the thought that something was wrong, that something in Nick had broken. And she still didn't think it was fair. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. The following night, Tracy felt awful about going to Vachon. Tonight Nick was...not fine, but not zombie-like. Well, except at the strip club where they had found Andrea Danson...aka Ada Dawson. Someone had tipped them off, and she and Nick had checked it out. Nick had been all business. He had barely given the dancers a first look, forget a second or third. That surprised her. For one, she figured being a vampire it would hold more interest...all that skin, their body temperature surely up... And then Nick was a guy and he usually would look at least a little... But not tonight. *She* was looking more than him. She hadn't actually been in a strip club many times. Then, ever since they had found their suspect--a perfect match for the sketch, too--Nick had been super focused...and a touch angry. While 'Ada' admitted her real name was Andrea Danson and that she had a brother by the name of Anthony, she just smiled at their questions. So far. She didn't even ask for a lawyer once they were back at the precinct. But now Nick was getting really annoyed, and Tracy watched him lean on the table across from Andrea in one of the interview rooms. "We know you killed Ella Van Hart; we have witnesses." "And I told you I don't know any 'Ella'...Detective." "Your brother's fiancée." "Who, as I said, I haven't seen for seven years." Nick stared across at the woman. She was being careful with her answers. He actually believed she hadn't seen her brother in all that time. But he also knew she had killed Ella Van Hart...and short of a confession she would very possibly get away with it. "And you also haven't seen your parents in that time?" "No, I have not." "Even though you remained in Toronto." "They disagreed with my life choices." She smiled. Nick smiled back. Maybe he could use this to his advantage, and he used the vampire, stating, "*So you left...took away their daughter.*" "I suppose you could say that," Andrea answered, her voice slightly softer, the words less harsh. "*With your brother soon to marry, they would have a new daughter, a replacement,*" Nick gently pushed, working in a tiny touch of influence into his every word. Then, harder, he asked, "*How did that make you feel?*" Andrea's gaze faltered under the suggestion, as did her smile. "How did it..." "*How did it make you feel discovering your parents were welcoming Ella into their family? Your mother doting on her like she should you?*" He leaned ever so slightly closer. "*You didn't like that did you? You had to do something, didn't you?*" "I didn't...I had to..." Andrea repeated, becoming ever more dazed under Nick's forced prodding. "*You found out about your brother's imminent marriage and you had to do something,*" Nick intoned, rather enjoying this--she would crack...just one more suggestion. "*Tell us what you did, Andrea. You want to tell us, tell someone, what you did. Tell us.*" "It was...an accident I found out. Coincidence. An overhead conversation," Andrea started, her voice still less animate than before the hypnotic suggestion, but then as she continued her defiant almost angry tone returned. Tracy's gaze locked on Nick...it had been from the moment she realised what he was doing. Nick had forced their suspect to confess. Not that anyone else would notice...maybe Natalie, but even she herself hadn't picked up on it right away. No one listening to a recording would suspect a thing. Good for them, but it still felt wrong. While Tracy knew the woman was guilty she wouldn't have otherwise given in to their questions. Vampires could, literally, put ideas into people's minds and make them believe it as truth. That was a lot of power in the hands of a cop. Just now Nick had used it to coax someone to speak that wouldn't have. Tracy wasn't comfortable with it, but while it felt wrong...wouldn't she do the same thing if she could? Tracy was more worried about next time. Would Nick eventually use his ability to force out confessions that weren't there? Watching Nick as he asked further questions about the details, Tracy couldn't tell if he was still using his influence or not. It was so subtle...a practised subtlety. Nick clearly knew what he was doing. That made her even more uncomfortable...somehow Nick had learnt this. He had to have. This didn't seem like simple instinct. Then, abruptly, Tracy was pulled out of her thoughts by the even but predatory sound of Nick's voice. "*Where did you put the knife, Miss Danson?*" As Andrea answered on auto pilot, Tracy shifted. No, Nick hadn't used his hypnosis with every question. He had stopped at some point before now. It reinforced Tracy's thoughts that Nick knew exactly what he was doing. Someone that hadn't done this before, she suspected, would continue all the way through. Satisfied with the woman's answer, Nick straightened, pleased that he had succeeded. At first he had feared she was too focused on keeping up with her story... He had taken a chance that he was right regarding why she had done it, or might have done it, and he had broken through her confidence with the same insecurities that had made her snap, find, and then kill Ella Van Hart with the closest weapon on hand. He had enjoyed getting her to talk, but now he felt slightly off. He had woken his instincts. After three days of complete fasting he was honed to attack. That night he would have to go by the Raven...and hope LaCroix wouldn't pick his mind apart like he had this young woman's. Nick glanced at Tracy and froze, his eyes locked with hers. She knew what he had done, that he had plied the woman with the vampire's advantage. He tore his eyes from her nervous, almost frightened gaze and left the room without a word. Tracy stared after her partner. When Nick had looked at her she felt uneasy. Why, she wasn't sure. He didn't look angry or worrying or...anything like that. To be honest he looked exhausted, and there was almost a glimmer of dread, of fear...or almost guilt just in the instant before he had turned away from her. Initially Tracy had planned on talking to Nick about what he had done, but now... Did he really need her to lecture him? It didn't really bother her...not as long as Nick didn't go too far. He hadn't just done it because he could; he had tried questioning her normally, first. If Nick was having as much trouble with being a vampire as she suspected he sure didn't need her to rub any difficulties in. Broken Lies - (14/42) Arriving home from work, Nick immediately changed clothes even though he didn't expect to go to bed for several hours at least. Natalie was coming by once she finished her shift and he was trying to decide between getting up to paint and remaining where he presently sat on the sofa and either listening to some music or watching something on TV. Closing his eyes for a moment, Nick softly smiled at the silence...until he realised he wasn't alone. "What do you want, LaCroix?" From a short distance from the sofa, LaCroix hesitated ever so slightly before stepping toward the other, who hadn't moved, shifted, or even opened his eyes at his arrival. "It's good to see your instincts are still sharp, Nicholas." "Too bad yours aren't," Nick replied. "It's almost dawn." "Half an hour." "Twenty minutes," Nick corrected. "Don't plan on staying." "I'd ask why, but..." LaCroix grinned. "Let me guess, Natalie is coming over." At LaCroix' informal use of Natalie's name, Nick opened his eyes and straightened his neck to look at the other. LaCroix stood only a few feet away, a bottle held carefully before him. "We're going to watch a movie together." LaCroix chuckled. "Popcorn is on the counter." LaCroix glanced toward the kitchen; indeed, on the counter sat a bowl, popcorn maker, and a jar of corn kernels. Turning back he asked, "And the movie?" "I don't know. Nosferatu, Star Wars, Hamlet, Bambi... What do you care?" LaCroix hesitated, not answering even though it did interest him. His son's vague response hinted at variety and made him curious who typically chose. Of even more interest to him was the two's relationship of late. He had long watched them, but recently they had become much closer...either too close or not close enough for his tastes. His son either needed to leave or needed to bring the mortal across. The other had become weary, complacent...weary of anything other than *her*. For a moment his anger flashed, and LaCroix was pleased his son had turned away again. He looked to the bottle he held, which he gently turned in his hands as he stepped nearer. LaCroix set the bottle on the coffee table in front of his son. At the barely audible sound of glass on wood, Nick turned. His eyes immediately caught on the bottle, then on LaCroix who had turned and begun to walk away. "Take it with you. I don't want it." LaCroix paused but didn't turn around. "Think of it as a...movie snack. I know you won't partake of fresher bounty." Slowly spinning back to look at the other, LaCroix more curiously asked, "And I seriously doubt I'll see you tonight. Think of it as a convenience." LaCroix smiled. His son wouldn't be able to resist...not after three and a half days without sustenance. Nick shut his eyes when LaCroix' grin blurred as he left. He nearly thought LaCroix' visit a hallucination...until he again looked at the bottle. He found the visit odd. They had barely spoken, and then more about his plans that day than anything usual. Beyond the usual criticism, anyway...but even that seemed off. Again leaning back, Nick no longer felt relaxed. He managed to ignore the blood mere feet from him until sunrise. Just like what he was alerted him to LaCroix' arrival, he startled into action at the impending danger. Nick pointed the remote at the windows, starting all but one closed. Over the next hour Nick became progressively more uncomfortable. LaCroix' bottle of blood sat tempting him. He wished he had gotten rid of it, put it out of reach before dawn had arrived. But as he hadn't, it now called to him. He had been sure it wouldn't be a problem before Natalie arrived, and then once she did his attention would be elsewhere. Instead the bottle kept drawing his attention, so much so that he had picked it up and replaced it a couple dozen times. Each time he picked the bottle up it took him longer to replace it. At first it was mere seconds. Now the bottle had been twirled in his hands for several minutes, his eyes glowing softly gold. He had tried to replace it, but couldn't. He wanted the blood inside, needed at least a little...but knew if he opened it he'd drink it all. Ten minutes previously he had broken down and called Natalie at work and asked her to come over right then and there. Then he explained why and begged when she initially hesitated. She was on her way over, but could he last that long? One taste and... One taste and he could snap. Even now he felt nervous about seeing her when he was so very, truly, hungry. Nick continued to turn the bottle, his eyes glued to the neck of the bottle which was alternately coated with blood and not as he spun it. The bottle wasn't quite full; LaCroix had had a taste before bringing it. Of course. And LaCroix only ever brought him the 'best'. The blood inside the room temperature glass would undoubtedly entice him more than what he was served at the Raven...although even that he knew was a bit more special than even the club's usual special reds...especially if LaCroix was there, watching or pouring. Finally Nick heard the elevator gears grind, but he didn't dare move from his spot on the sofa. He didn't even look up when he heard the door slide open, then shut, nor the familiar sound of Natalie's beating heart. Natalie approached Nick, watching his slow and methodical action. "Nick?" she asked as she tilted her head to try and catch his gaze. Natalie stiffened as he looked up, his eyes gold and bright despite that the only light, a lamp, was behind him. Nick again looked down at his hands and the bottle. "Thank you for coming, Nat," he whispered. "It's no problem," she replied, then resisted the urge to ask how he felt. Pretty clearly he was hungry. Instead she resumed her approach and nodded absently at the bottle. "So, he decided to come to you since you haven't been going to see him." "Yes," Nick confirmed, still whispering. "Have you had any of it?" All Nick could manage was a shake of his head. "Do you want--" "Yes," he breathed. "--me to pour you a little before I go?" Nick shook his head as he heard the rest of the question. Yes, he wanted the blood...any blood, but he couldn't. "No, I don't want any," he said and held the bottle out toward Natalie, even as he looked down at the floor to avert his eyes. "Take it." Natalie reached out for the neck of the bottle, then lightly tugged, but Nick didn't let go. "Nick, I--" "Can I come by the morgue tonight for...something?" He looked up despite knowing his eyes hadn't returned to normal. "I had planned to--" "Shh, you don't need to explain," Natalie soothed as she moved a little closer. As their arms slacked slightly, Nick finally let go of the bottle. "And of course you can. If I'm not there, just let me know sometime what's missing." She watched Nick resume looking down at the floor, then shifted nearer and brushed his hair back from one side of his forehead. Nick didn't budge. "Do you want me to stay? I could call in for the rest of my shift... We could watch our movie a little early?" Nick bowed his head a touch farther. He wanted her to stay, but with how he felt... "No, and I'm sorry, but I think the movie needs rescheduled." "That's okay. I'll see you tonight, then?" He nodded, and not liking how horrible Nick seemed, she bent toward him and kissed him on the side of his head. Then, reluctantly, Natalie left. He still sat, head down, as she watched him before the elevator slid shut and blocked Nick's home from view. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Nick had felt much better after Natalie had taken away LaCroix' gift, and he eventually fell asleep there on the sofa. Then, he had nearly slept past the start of his shift, and with driving he ended up five minutes late. Whether from being late or his imagination, Nick felt like he was being watched. By Tracy, Reese, the other detectives, everyone... It just felt like they were hovering over him. At least tonight he was fairly certain it was imagined...except of course Tracy. And Reese had been looking at him at one point...but then he *had* been late. He figured the feeling of being watched was probably just his hunger. Four days without blood after weeks of only minimal amounts had finally taken its toll. Nick rest his head on his propped up hand and shut his eyes. He almost wanted to go back to sleep...even though he had gotten more than enough that day. Tracy's attention shifted to her partner. If this was a couple of months ago she would have wondered if Nick had fallen asleep. But now...did vampires really even need sleep? Let alone extra... Somehow she couldn't picture a vampire nodding off in the same way she might. Nor Nick, for that matter, even before... "Nick?" she hissed in a whisper across at him. He immediately glanced at her, and Tracy couldn't help but think Nick looked downright cranky. "You feel all right?" she asked but regretted it when Nick brought his other hand up and now rest his head on both hands for a moment before ruffling his hair back. He looked so terribly stressed. "I'm sorry, but...you really don't look so great." Nick didn't reply. If he looked half as bad as he felt... His eyes settled on the phone, and he snatched at it, hesitated a moment, then dialled Natalie's work number. "Morgue. You slice 'em, we dice 'em," Natalie answered. The greeting caught Nick off guard, and he smiled. "Shouldn't that be the other way around?" "Well, it doesn't sound as good the other way," she admitted. "You coming over?" "As long as you don't have a patient." "Not at the moment." "Then I'll be right over." He hung up not waiting for a response. Glancing to his partner he found Tracy seemingly working. "I'll be back in a few, Tracy." She nodded as he stood, grabbed his coat, and left. She hadn't bothered to ask where he was headed. Even only hearing half the conversation with Nick's question about 'having a patient' she immediately knew where: The morgue. That and his mood had turned up rather quickly as it usually did when around Natalie. Tracy only hoped Nick would somehow return looking and feeling better and not worse. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. "Order's up," Natalie said as she held out a small beaker with twenty-five millilitres of blood in it. It wasn't even an ounce, but it was more than she had given him after drawing his blood. Gingerly, Nick took the cool glass jar and stared at its contents. He wanted to do this slowly, which was why he had had Natalie only pour out a little and why he had told her not to use the blood LaCroix had brought but the oldest blood she had on hand. Even so, like that morning he felt himself change out of want...and need. He brought the glass to his lips, planning to drink the blood slowly in a couple or more sips, but the instant the liquid touched his lips he upended it. Nick didn't lower the beaker until the remaining blood sluggishly refused to release from the glass. Immediately he knew the small pittance of blood wouldn't be nearly enough. Natalie watched Nick's mixed emotions flit across his features. She recognised a wide range of reaction, from need to disgust and pleasure to anger. He seemed much like he had been that morning, just slightly more controlled. "More?" she tentatively asked while reaching for the beaker. "Yes. The same amount; no more." He let her take the beaker, then he watched her go to the fridge. As he abruptly felt like bypassing Natalie to get the refrigerated blood, Nick turned away. He paced back and forth a couple of times, which made him feel even more on edge than before. Then he walked to the exam table, facing away from Natalie, and placed his hands on the cool metal. Closing his eyes he felt slightly better...until Natalie set the beaker on the table next to his right hand. When Nick didn't budge, Natalie gently rest a hand on his arm. She felt him tense and start to pull away before he again relaxed. "Nick?" Instead of turning to Natalie, Nick turned to the beaker. Without saying anything to Natalie he picked it up, and then like before he looked at it a moment. Then he downed it quickly, again letting as much of the blood drip into his mouth as would leave the glass. He set it back down directly in front of him and again shut his eyes in an attempt to focus. This time he felt it helped. Slightly. "Are you feeling any better?" Nick shook his head. "Not really." He moved the beaker off to the side, toward Natalie. "Again, but double it." Natalie hesitated as she picked the beaker up. "Are you sure?" He thought a moment, then told her, "I'm sure." He had to placate the hunger before returning to the precinct. He had to get it manageable without going too far. Startling slightly as Natalie returned, again setting the beaker on the table, he eyed it and picked it up. This time, however, his gaze lingered not on the beaker itself, but the blood inside. Natalie noticed his reluctance; Nick didn't want to drink the blood. She knew he needed it, however. She suspected Nick hadn't had any blood for about four days. While he had gone longer in the past, he hadn't been restricting the blood so severely beforehand. And he had always, that she was aware, binged once he couldn't take it any longer. He seemed to have to force even these small amounts of blood down and seemed desperate to avoid a binge. As he gently swirled the blood with a look of disgust, she suggested, "If you don't want it now, perhaps come back in an hour or two?" "It's not a question of what I want," he said and drank the blood with a cringe. This time he didn't wait for the last of the liquid to drip into his mouth before again lowering it. "I don't have much of a choice, I don't think." Nick turned and leaned back against the autopsy table, his eyes locked on the blood-coated glass. "I should have come by last night, or even the night before." "You haven't had anything since I drew your blood," Natalie carefully stated, unsure if Nick would confirm it or not. At first Nick just continued to stare at the glass. Then, holding it out to her, he nodded. "Four days. I didn't think there would... I was fine until LaCroix brought that bottle. I would have gone by the club tonight." Natalie took the beaker from Nick, then watched him pace away from her, agitated. "I would have been fine. Now I feel..." Nick slowly turned, shaking his head. "It's the hunger, but it's different...different than other times I've cut back." Natalie wanted to ask him more questions about how and why it was different, but Nick started pacing. "Is it helping? The blood I'm--" "Yes." Nick halted and turned around to face Natalie. "Yes, it's helping...but I'll need more." He averted his gaze, but didn't resume pacing. Natalie went back to the fridge and the partially empty bag of blood. "Same as the last? Or like at first?" "The last," Nick answered, watching Natalie use a large syringe to measure out and transfer the blood. Again she wasn't wearing gloves, and he tensed slightly out of worry. Finished, Natalie quickly double-checked her measuring with the beaker itself. Perfect. Again shutting the fridge, she went to give it to Nick, but when he shook his head she placed it on the autopsy table. Then, after nearly a minute of excruciating, awkward silence, she asked, "So...don't suppose you know when we might reschedule our little date?" "This morning should be fine. Hopefully." He shifted slightly. "Although I'm not sure it qualifies as a date." Natalie could see that Nick had relaxed some; he nearly smiled at her. "Oh, it's a date, Nick," she said with a grin. "It's definitely a date. Especially after I kinda formalised things. I'm still shocked Reese didn't give us at least some sort of warning." Seeing a touch of confusion she told him, "About favours, or not affecting our work...something." Nick nodded at that, then he walked the couple of steps to the autopsy table and the waiting beaker of blood. "Not that I haven't done just that, but usually it has something to do with--" "Me," Nick said, starting at the blood. "No, Nick--yes, I've fudged a few things, but at least you haven't committed murder and left me to deal with the body." Nick raised the beaker of blood slightly. "How much trouble does this cause you?" Natalie shook her head not wanting him to dig into that. "Don't worry a bit about it, Nick. I'm the only one that ever notices any missing." Not wanting to reply, Nick took a swallow of his drink, this time not draining it all in one go but sipping it more slowly. It didn't take long at all to finish it off, although he could now begin to tell the blood was old, almost stale. "How much have I had?" he asked, fingering the small beaker in his hand. "Ah, 150mL," she answered. "Five ounces." Nick took a step closer to Natalie, relaxing. Five ounces. It was less than he thought, but he knew he would need more. He again handed the beaker to her. "Double the amount again." As she turned away, Nick started toward the desk, then sat in Natalie's chair. He still felt so very tired, but he knew that wouldn't be fixed until he increased what he drank nightly. A couple of minutes later, Natalie had the beaker refilled and she set it in front of Nick. Then she leaned back against the counter next to her desk and again waited, watching him. Nick's eyes were drawn to Natalie, her silent concern now more distracting than the scent or sight of the blood before him. "I'm going to stay a little," Nick started, pointedly not looking at nor touching the beaker of blood, then continued, "But I don't want to keep you from working." "It's fine. No outstanding patients, and the rest can wait a bit." Nick glanced at the desk's surface; Natalie had likely been working on reports. "If you want your desk--" "Oh, no, no, no," she said as Nick looked ready to stand. "You stay right there--I need a break from filling out forms, anyway. Quite a backlog." "Looks better than mine," Nick whispered. "I haven't been able to concentrate enough to actually finish anything. Tracy's been trying to do it, but--" He cut off and shook his head. "I think she's also having difficulty concentrating on work. Because of me." "Nick--" "I know she's watching me, worrying about me. She's not saying as much, but--" Again Nick cut off, and this time his hand moved to the beaker of blood. He merely touched the smooth glass, leaving it where it sat. He didn't want to talk about this. Not really. He wanted it to be morning...he wanted normalcy. Human normalcy. Mortal normalcy. Glancing up at Natalie, Nick could see her concern. It didn't bother him like Tracy's watching, but he disliked seeing Natalie worry over him. She tried to hide it, but he knew her too well...and she knew him well enough to guess his mood, even his thoughts at times. Reluctantly he picked up the beaker and quickly downed its contents. Leaving it on the desk he stood and forced out a smile. "I'll let you get back to work. Tracy's probably worrying about me," he told her, then started for the door. "Nick?" Natalie calmly called, getting him to stop and partially turn back. "Come back later if you need to, okay? If not, I guess I'll see you in the morning?" His smile became a bit more genuine, then he nodded and left. Broken Lies - (15/42) Natalie had fallen asleep leaned back against Nick within the first few minutes of the movie she had brought. Nick had turned the volume down, and now, an hour and a half later, he stopped the tape and turned the TV off with the remote. Neither action woke Natalie, and after a moment Nick shifted, standing, turning out the light, and then after a second of hesitation he carefully picked Natalie up off the sofa. Nick paused and smiled as Natalie's arms gently clung to him. Not wanting to wake her, he slowly walked to and then up the stairs. Reaching his bedroom, Nick gently laid Natalie on the bed above the covers. She rolled slightly away from him as he disengaged one of her arms from his neck. Her other arm fell away on its own, and he moved it so that her hand rest on her hip. Again Nick hesitated a moment before moving around the bed, then he lay down, nearly mirroring Natalie except that he lay fully on his side. Minutes passed and Nick just watched Natalie sleep, listening to her slow breaths and steady heart. He, himself, couldn't sleep. The blood he had drank early that morning made him feel almost jittery...just enough that sleep would be difficult. And he hadn't really even had much. Just one bag worth. But after four full days of nothing, it had felt like a binge...a controlled, two-sitting binge. Nick also didn't particularly want to sleep. It was nice just lying there watching Natalie. Tentatively, Nick reached a hand out toward Natalie's hand that had fallen onto the bed. He almost pulled his hand back at the last moment, but instead allowed his fingers to hover above the back of her wrist. Then, gently, Nick touched her warm skin, his fingers lingering in places for a few seconds. Smiling, he brushed the back of his fingers ever so slowly along the top of her arm, paused, and then repeated the action. Natalie didn't react to the touch, at which Nick relaxed a little. After the dozenth flutter of his fingers on her skin he could hear her heartrate increase slightly, but by then he had become immersed in his task. Upon waking, Natalie's eyes drifted to her tingling hand and arm. Seeing the source of what woke her, she flipped her hand and snatched Nick's fingers with hers. "Go back to sleep, Nat." She looked up and over at Nick, who seemed wide awake. Then Natalie realised she didn't remember much of the movie...and that Nick must have carried her to his bedroom. "How long was I out?" "About two hours." Natalie turned onto her side, still keeping hold of his hand. "So, you've been lying there, staring at me for two hours?" Nick smiled, especially as he doubted she could see him. "Not... here," he slowly answered. "I waited until the movie was over." "And?" "And what?" "And all I saw was...well, I guess it was a bit like work. I'm sorry for--" "Don't be," he quickly cut her off. "You were at the morgue from dusk to dawn, and I suspect you didn't sleep well yesterday." Unconsciously, Natalie pursed her lips. She *hadn't* slept at all well the previous day. For hours she had stayed up, debating returning to the morgue for blood for Nick then taking it to him. Deciding against that, she had gone to bed only to wake what seemed like every ten minutes. Then, as Nick had stated, she had gone into work early, arriving just before sunset. She had been tired, but still felt bad about falling asleep on him. "And what about you?" she asked, suspecting Nick hadn't slept much the previous day, either. "You seem rather awake at the moment..." Nick shifted, almost pulling his hand free but stopping himself. "Once you had taken the bottle I didn't sleep any worse than I have been." Natalie faintly tensed, aware of what Nick was glossing over. He had probably repeatedly woken from nightmares. "And I've been sleeping late. The blood from last night might keep me up. Don't worry about me." Wanting to somehow assure Nick but not sure what to say that he wouldn't just attempt brushing off, Natalie took her free hand and once she had found Nick's face, cupped her fingers under his jaw and along to his ear, and leaned forward and gently kissed him. Startled by the sudden kiss, Nick didn't respond until Natalie's lips were pulling away from his. He didn't even feel his hunger rise, the kiss light and fairly short. Closing his eyes Nick leaned his head slightly forward and took a deep breath. When Natalie didn't kiss him again, her hand slowly slipping down to his shoulder and along his arm, Nick felt both thankful and disappointed. Thankful the wonderful simplicity between them hadn't been shattered, but disappointed that even a few more light kisses like he had just been given would put Natalie in danger. As Nick seemed to want to move nearer, Natalie released her grip on Nick's fingers. She then shifted her hand, sliding it under Nick's side as she rolled toward him. Immediately she felt his newly freed hand on her waist, pulling her against him as he rolled back. She felt uncomfortable trying to rest her head so close to Nick's neck; she couldn't avoid her skin touching his. After what she figured amounted to several minutes had passed, Natalie asked, "Do you need me to move?" "You're fine," Nick whispered. Then, as he thought, he smiled. This was more than fine; it was perfect. Natalie's blood tempted him less right this moment than it had for weeks. Echoing his thoughts, he whispered, "This is perfect," and he turned toward Natalie, easily kissing her on the cheek. "Absolutely perfect," he muttered, letting his head again roll away. A moment later he smiled as Natalie again rest her head by his exposed neck. Natalie closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep, but failed. With every minute that passed, she felt even more awake. Knowing Nick was also still awake didn't help. She could feel him breathing, something that would slow to a stop if he had fallen asleep. At least she knew her presence and her skin touching his neck wasn't bothering him right now, and she decided to take it a step farther. Carefully but deliberately Natalie moved her far hand from his arm to his side. She shifted the bottom of his shirt up and let her hand rest on the now bare skin just above his hip. At first she felt his muscles tense beneath her hand, but Nick didn't shift or push her away, which is what she had expected. Nick relaxed although he felt somewhat uncomfortable at the touch. He wasn't at all accustomed to being touched like this, but rather liked it. His lips twitched into another smile before he tried just resting and trying to fall asleep. Waiting until Nick's breathing once gain slowed and became more intermittent, Natalie shifted her hand, gently inching it up under his shirt. When he tensed and tried to shirk back, she kissed the skin of his neck several times, which made him stop trying to get away. Nick froze as Natalie kissed his neck, then continued to slide her hand up his chest. He was rather enjoying this, but...he then tensed as warm fingers brushed against his nipple, and he snatched her hand, pushing it back down to where it had started. "Stop," he whispered, still rather torn between his conflicting wants. He felt another kiss on his neck and he again pleaded, "Please, Natalie," then turned his head, making his neck inaccessible. Pulling back slightly, Natalie looked into Nick's faintly shining eyes. He seemed far more relaxed and in control than he had of late, and so she didn't understand his reluctance. "Nick..." "I don't want to have to tell you to leave," he admitted in a whisper as he closed his eyes for a few seconds. "I had hoped today would be normal. Just you and me without...complication." Natalie replaced her head next to Nick's, refraining from giving him another light kiss even though it was on her mind. She tried pulling her hand back from Nick's bare abdomen, but his hand tightened over hers, preventing her from doing just that. "Your hand is fine where it's at, Nat. Just--" "Leave it there?" Natalie asked. Nick nodded. Then he smiled slightly and continued his thought, "Think more... Don't do anything that you wouldn't do to a sibling." Knowing Natalie would say they were past that even now, just lying there, he added, "Beyond what we're doing right now." He rubbed the back of her hand and turned toward her for a second. Then, once Natalie had relaxed, he again shut his eyes. Resting, Natalie had a hard time not teasing Nick's cool skin in some way, forget that for the moment she wasn't one bit tired...and, still, as more minutes passed in silence, Nick ever so slowly breathed betraying his wakeful state...even though his hand had slipped away from hers and off to his side as if he had fallen asleep. His comment about keeping to sibling appropriate actions had her thoughts going...and her mind trying to decide between leaving Nick alone or trying to catch him off guard. Eventually she picked the latter, and she carefully raised her hand so that only the very tips of her fingers touched his skin. Then, she flitted then over the crest of his hip bone, then along his side, trying to tickle him...but nothing. He didn't react at all. She had tried before in the past and not gotten a reaction, but she had hoped on his bare skin he just might react...but nope. Nick either wasn't ticklish, was but was very good at hiding it, or she had to try elsewhere. First, she let her hand travel over to his arm, where she tried tickling the underside of his forearm and inside of his elbow. When that didn't do a thing, she again targeted his lower abdomen, but this time Natalie teased the skin just under his waistband. His muscles tensed again, but only for a moment...and he didn't react as she had wanted. Nor did he say anything. Frustrated, she pinched him. While more of an annoyance than painful, Nick startled, almost sitting up. "What was that for?" he asked, but smiled as he did. "You know why, Nick. If you're not ticklish you *could* play along... This is supposed to be fun, or at least amusing...for both of us." "It is," Nick answered and shifted onto his side, pushing Natalie gently back. "Or will be, maybe." Natalie realised his plan a moment before he went for her sides, which she knew were sensitive from the only other time she had tried getting him. He had lulled her into thinking he wasn't going to turn on her...and then he had done just that. She tried to pry his fingers away, but not only did she fail, but somehow Nick managed to turn her around. Nick had an unfair advantage, and he knew it and used it. Whenever Natalie would be close to either slipping away or being able to reach him, he'd use his strength to shift them somehow, distracting her repeatedly, continuously, even as he tickled and poked her. Getting frustrated with Nick's upper hand, Natalie pushed at Nick's hands as hard as she could. Yet he not only resisted her, but his fingers kept attacking her sides. She easily managed to avoid laughing or giggling, her attention on somehow getting free and trying to get at something other than Nick's arms. He was keeping her firmly in front of him, facing away, and she had a feeling Nick was ticklish somewhere...and she had a target: His sides might be immune, but that didn't mean his back was. Nick smiled at her attempts to break free. He rolled back, pulling her with him as he rolled onto his other side. Natalie again pushed at his hands, and she again tried to move away and twist in his grasp. After a moment, Nick loosened his hold, letting Natalie sit up and get up on her knees. Then, just as she started to turn, he once again grabbed her from behind. Natalie let out a short shriek at Nick suddenly grabbing her again, sure he had cheated, using his vampire speed to tease her. Almost immediately she felt herself being pulled back against Nick, one of his arms snaking tightly around her waist. She tried prying it away until Nick started flitting his fingers along the exposed skin of her arms. His action felt rather like a spider crawling on her, and she fought the urge to shiver more than laugh. When his fingers then focused on her shoulder and neck, however, she pulled her head away and tried pushing back the arm around her waist with all her might. Once again facing failure, she outright pounded his arm with the base of her palms. "Nick--" "I thought you wanted me to have fun?" he asked, amused. "Yes, but--" Natalie cut off as Nick moved back, pulling her with him. She hit him again, this time with closed fists. His fingers once more teased her neck, and Natalie forcibly twisted, even while Nick tried to pull her back again. Immediately she knew something was wrong. Nick's arm loosened, and he tried to roll toward her, but too late. Nick fell hard onto the floor, then a split second later Natalie involuntarily joined him, elbow first, right into his ribs. Flinching, Nick tried to sit up, which only made the pain worse. Laying back he shut his eyes tight as Natalie shifted, flipping to lie next to him and face him. He winced and attempted to recoil as she pressed her hand over the injury. Natalie noticed Nick's reaction and pulled back. She knew she had gotten him good with how her elbow throbbed, but Nick rarely showed pain from being hit. "Nick, you okay?" "Fine," he automatically answered. Even without blood he would heal from this--a broken rib at his guess--in mere minutes. Ignoring Nick's statement, Natalie went into doctor mode, got to her knees, and turned on the lamp on the nightstand. Looking down at him she could tell he was in pain. Moving back to Nick's side, she reached for the bottom of his t-shirt only to have her hands snatched in mid-air, even before he opened his eyes and looked up at her. She looked at him expectantly, and after a moment he released her. Carefully she pushed his shirt up until a round, circular, pinkish bruise of sorts on his right side near the bottom edge of his ribcage became visible. For one, Nick didn't bruise. For another, she didn't think it was, quite, a bruise...or not simply one in any case. She gently touched his skin a couple inches from the injury, but he flinched back and pushed her hand away. "I'll be fine," he repeated, pulling his shirt down as he sat up. Natalie sat back on her heels. Gently touching his shoulder, she forced out a smile. "Well, I guess we've had enough of that," she stated, then stood using Nick's shoulder to help her up. Then she first pulled back the covers on the bed, and then she held her hand down in front of Nick. "Come on. If you're not going to let me see what I did, no point in staying on the floor." Reluctantly Nick took the proffered hand, but he got to his feet more or less without her help. Sitting on the edge of the bed he kept hold of her fingers. "You didn't do anything. It wasn't your fault, and I'll heal. I didn't want you to worry about something so minor." "Minor?" she asked incredulous. "The first thing that comes to mind is that I broke a rib or two, and I wouldn't call that minor--even for you." Nick winced. Of course she had guessed the same he had. She was a doctor, after all. "I didn't want you to worry," he repeated, helpless for something better to say. "You'd worry more if you knew--" "If I knew what?" Nick held back a few seconds, but answered, "If you knew about every scrape, every little injury." Natalie relaxed slightly. "I know you don't tell me about every little incident; you usually only tell me if you need my help." The last she said with a faintly teasing smile and a poke on his arm. "I don't think I've ever seen you in real pain like this, though. Not from anything other than a burn. I think a little bit of worry is perfectly acceptable." Her smile softened. "Is it healing?" Again Nick hesitated, although this time in order to answer her question. He shifted and bent forward slightly. Sharp pain radiated from the injury for a moment. He hadn't started to heal much, if at all. He should have. "Nick?" He shook his head. "Not yet, not really." Natalie turned and sat on the edge of the bed right next to him, momentarily bumping into him. His response made her worry and remember the sample of blood she had taken. Maybe he had injured more easily--and severely--and wasn't healing for the same reason. She'd think this was a good thing if not for how weak he looked. After all, Nick wanted to be mortal...just healthy and mortal not weak and possibly injury-prone. "Do you think it's from cutting back?" "Maybe," he whispered, then he nodded. "Probably." "You still feeling okay despite whatever injury I gave you and our bit of roughhousing?" she asked somewhat tentatively, leaning up next to him a bit more but not pushing into him. "Yeah, that's fine. I don't want or need anything." "Well, I suppose that's good?" When he didn't answer, she gave him a little shove with her shoulder. "I don't have to leave, do I? So that's good, right?" Nick smiled and gave her several quick, successive nods. "Yeah, that's good. But we should both try to actually get some sleep." "So no more horseplay?" "No more horseplay." "Ah, pity, you seemed to be enjoying it; and seemed to be good at it." Natalie turned to look at him, and she could make out an odd half-smile. "You're remembering something. And I can't see Janette or LaCroix having that kind of fun." Nick glanced sideways, his smile becoming fuller. Natalie, of course, had guessed right. "My sister," he simply answered. "Ah, yes, brothers and sisters and how they terrorise each other out of love." She watched him look forward again, but his smile didn't budge. Standing, Natalie reached forward to flip the lamp back off. The moment the room went dark, she startled upon feeling Nick once again grab her around the waist and pull her back. She relaxed as his hands encircled her waist and then he rested his chin on her shoulder. "You know, you could give me some warning..." Nick just smiled. Even with his tender ribs he was in too good a mood to stop just yet. Carefully, slowly, he leaned back and turned, rolling them both until they faced the other way. Then he sat painfully up and reached for the sheets, pulling them over them both before he replaced his hand and chin on Natalie's waist and shoulder. Natalie smiled, placing her hands over Nick's. She closed her eyes and within no more than a few minutes she felt Nick's breathing abruptly halt, his grip slack, and his head slip closer to her neck. At least she knew Nick wouldn't be up all day like he had hinted he might. Broken Lies - (16/42) Natalie woke that evening to the feeling of being crushed. Nick lay sprawled atop her, his lips brushing against her ear. She blushed a little as she realised just how they were laying. If they were both less clothed they could have just had sex. She tried shifting out from under him, but Nick had her pinned good, and with more than dead weight by the grip he had on her arm. "Nick?" she whispered, turning her head toward him. "You awake?" He didn't react in the slightest, but she could swear he was faintly smiling. She nearly gave him a good, hard shove, but as she moved her hand and felt the skin of his waist, she changed her mind. Again, she tried to tickle him, but again he didn't react as she teased his side. Inching her fingers slowly around to his back, she felt him twitch his shoulder back as she nearly reached his spine. His reaction was more of annoyance than arousal, and she repeated the light flits up his back, pushing his shirt out of the way. He hadn't been awake like she had first thought. Nick squirmed as he began to wake, something on his back making his skin itch. He pushed against the mattress with his hand and felt a hand slide to his waist...Natalie's hand. Opening his eyes, he found her smiling features inches away. "Hmm... What were you doing?" "Trying to wake you up. Tickling you." "I'm not ticklish." "Yes, you are, or enough to disrupt your sleep." Nick smiled, wondering if he was, then he pushed up further, folding the covers back, and crawled over Natalie toward the edge of the bed. Seeing the clock, he didn't lay back down, instead getting completely up. He had to start getting ready for work. "Nat," he started, turning back for a moment. "I'll be down after I take a shower, all right? Unless you need to go, then I'll wait." Natalie rolled toward Nick and propped herself up on her elbow. She glanced at the time, and seeing she had plenty told him, "Nope, you're stuck with me for the moment." She watched him smile then leave his room. Hearing the water running moments later, Natalie reluctantly got up and headed downstairs. There she waited. About twenty minutes later, as Natalie poured out a cup of coffee, she startled as a shadow joined hers. Turning, she was relieved to find Nick standing slightly behind and beside her. He looked ready for work other than his still rather wet hair. And, she noted, he looked a bit more casual than usual in a white cotton button down shirt and black jeans. "You got ready awfully quick." "Maybe." He touched his hands lightly to her waist and leaned in to give her a long, light kiss on her cheek. Pulling away, Nick stepped back, then turned and walked toward the couch and sat. Natalie reached for her mug, then went over to sit with Nick. She set her cup on the coffee table before leaning back. As Nick's arm wrapped around her and pulled her tightly up against him, she asked, "So I can see you got some sleep." "A bit," he answered rather simply. "And your injury?" she prodded. "Healed. And, yes, it's probably what helped me sleep." "Hmm, along with using me as a pillow?" she asked, giving him a nudge with her shoulder. "I'm sorry about that." "Don't be, it--" "It wasn't a conscious decision," he said a little louder, and it was the truth. He didn't remember anything but flits of dreams, nightmares, and even quicker flashes of Natalie sleeping. "It wasn't intentional." Natalie twisted so that she could look straight at him. "Nick, it was fine whether intentional or not. You don't need to blame it on your subconscious." She smiled, and when his mood lightened and he gave her one of his half-smiles, she turned, slowly leaned forward, and gently kissed his lips. Caught off guard, Nick didn't immediately respond again. Then, when he did, after a very short moment she pulled away. Having closed his eyes, Nick reopened them only for Natalie to kiss him again. After a few more times of the teasing kisses, Nick turned slightly and joined in. Almost immediately after Nick tried to take over, Natalie switched her attention to his jaw and neck, which made him pause a moment and drop his head into her way. As he tilted his head back up and kissed her lips, she felt his hand on her waist. Managing to kiss his lips, she pulled back abruptly, making Nick miss. She heard a faint, frustrated groan and felt Nick's fingers clutch her closer until she leaned back. Kissing him again, she found Nick's lips now teasing her neck. Feeling his cool fingers on her skin, Natalie tugged on his arm, encouraging him to touch her, guiding his hand up under her t-shirt. Nick was running on instinct, barely thinking. As the tips of his fingers brushed against Natalie's bra, he abruptly pulled his hand back, then he moved it to her shoulder and pushed Natalie away. He could feel his hunger rise at her willing warmth. Letting his forehead rest against hers, he apologised, "I'm sorry, Nat." Natalie straightened her head. "For what?" she asked, but Nick didn't offer up a reason this time, and she tensed. She knew Nick was afraid of hurting her, but she had thought he was going to let them become closer. Earlier she had accepted his comment about wanting that day to be 'normal', but Nick had less than an hour until he had to be at work. Tentatively, pulling back slightly she asked, "Unless...you've decided that..." Natalie paused, thinking, then settled on something Nick had said a couple of times before, "...that we shouldn't be doing this?" "We shouldn't," he quickly answered. When his words prompted Natalie to pull away more and start to stand, he loosely grabbed her wrists and held her in place. "But we are, or that's what I thought?" Natalie relaxed and nodded. Flashing a smile at Natalie, he sat back and moved one of his hands from hers and wrapped it around her back. "Can we just sit? Unless you need to leave?" Natalie smiled and shifted to lean back against Nick again. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, her thoughts started to wander. "Nick?" "Hmm," he replied noncommittally. "Would it be easier if we made plans of a sort? At least so I know where to stop or where we'll stop?" Nick's gaze drifted away in thought. Would it be easier, be safer? Or would the anticipation make him more dangerous? *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Nick rubbed his temples as he sat at his desk, trying to remember what he was doing. It didn't help, and in fact made things worse as it attracted Tracy's attention. Avoiding her gaze, he poked blindly down at the scattered forms on his desk, lost in thought. Before work he and Natalie had discussed her idea...and had made a plan. They had actually talked, really talked about the risks and possible outcomes. The next morning she came over, not the following morning but the one after that, he fully planned to have to tell Natalie to leave. The 'plan' itself was simple: Push their relationship as far as possible. Already he worried he would bite her at some point out of instinct, want, and need, even though they had both agreed on no sex, no intercourse. It was just too dangerous; he would kill her if they were truly together. Then, after their conversation, they had resumed sitting quietly until he had to leave for work. He again hadn't gone by the Raven. Natalie, of course, reminded him he could always get blood from her, but he both disliked Natalie's recent casualness with any meals she prepared for him and he knew he needed to go by the club before LaCroix dropped by the loft again...perhaps while Natalie was there with him. "Nick? You want to get out of here for a bit?" He looked up at Tracy's question. He did, but knew once in the Caddy she could freely ask him questions. Glancing at the clock on the wall he saw it was nearly midnight. Almost half their shift was done with. "Nick?" "Sure," he answered, then quickly added, "I'll be back. I'll be...at the morgue." Then he quickly grabbed his jacket and left. Tracy watched her partner until he disappeared out of sight, then she stood, shrugged on her own jacket, and slowly headed after him. She paused just outside, then not seeing Nick's car she headed for her own. Tracy sat for several seconds between shutting the door and starting the ignition. She was going to spy on Nick. Again. After she had managed to refrain from doing so since just before Nick had found out she knew what he was. But now... Now it wasn't to confirm what he was, but her suspicions that he was hiding his true thoughts and feelings. She quickly started her car, then pulled out of her spot. Turning onto the road she headed not to the morgue, but to the Raven. For one, she had a gut feeling Nick had lied about where he was headed. For another, she couldn't easily check that Nick really did go to the morgue--as in actually inside--without being caught. But at the club... That she was aware, Nick hadn't ever seen her watching him there. There was one big downside: Due to the stabbing at the club, not even a week before, LaCroix knew who she was. He would likely know why she was there if he saw her, and she had a feeling he was quite observant when it came to his patrons. He also somehow struck her as evil, and Nick, Vachon, and Natalie had all told her to stay away from him. Despite that her thoughts ruffled her nerves a bit, Tracy continued to the Raven. Arriving, she turned and parked on a nearby side street. Getting out, she walked carefully back to the street, her eyes scanning for her partner or his car. That his car wasn't there didn't mean a thing. He could have, indeed, gone to the morgue. Or he could be just driving. Or he could have ditched his car somewhere. Reaching the club's entrance, Tracy paid her way in, then paused a moment to scan the bar area. No sign of Nick. The owner, Lucien LaCroix, sat at the bar facing away from her and just about everyone else. Good, she thought, and made her way through the crowd toward tables on the opposite side of the bar. Leaning against the wall, she fixed her gaze on LaCroix. Nick always seemed to go right up to the other when he was at the club. He didn't look around. And the club was busy enough--it had been closed for a couple of nights due to the murder--that even if he did he might not spot her. Tracy only had to wait a few minutes before she saw Nick walk up to the bar, at which she tried to melt a bit more into the wall to watch them. If LaCroix spotted her she suspected he'd personally throw her out. Nick stopped right next to LaCroix, and rested his arm on the counter. Not turning at his son's arrival, LaCroix half-droned, "I was beginning to think you had gone back to that wretched swill." Raising his glass from the bar, he slowly swirled the contents, then took a small swallow. Lowering the glass slightly, he turned. Smirking, he asked, "But no, you've been getting your nourishment from the good Doctor, haven't you?" Then, smoothly, he whispered, "From Natalie." Nick barely heard LaCroix' comments, his focus consumed by the glass and blood that faintly swayed... It called to him despite that he had fed plenty the night before. It was the anticipation for the morning after next...desire and fear. Abruptly and without a word, Nick snatched the glass from LaCroix' hand. He drank greedily from it, upending it before the other had fully released it. "Hungry?" LaCroix asked as his son lowered the now empty glass. "Preoccupied," Nick absently muttered, staring at the blood still coating the inside of the glass. "Preoccupied. By?" LaCroix asked, although he knew the answer: That mortal. He had been watching his son closely of late and had seen him with Natalie more often than not...and not acting like mere friends. Did his son remember their agreement? While he had been careful, overlooking certain incidents in their work to rebuild the other's memories, that didn't mean the memories couldn't have returned on their own. Much of his son's memories had done just that once there was a trigger, a reference point. Then there was Natalie. He had no idea what she remembered or might have been told about their first meeting. She had withstood the spiked drink well, and even if she had forgotten, resistors were often unpredictable, especially if the forgotten memory was reignited...which either their recent meetings or her newly close relationship with his son could have very well done. It would never be enough, not for her, and not for her near-lover. Perhaps his son was considering bringing her across? LaCroix pushed back his urge to comment, the other's blank expression worrying enough to make him hold back his thoughts. At least for tonight. Turning, LaCroix got the attention of the bartender with a simple look, then nodded ever so slightly toward his son. Nick just silently stared at LaCroix' now-empty glass, lost in thought. He didn't react as a second glass and a nearly full bottle of blood were set in front of LaCroix. Hearing blood pour into that glass a moment later, however, Nick's eyes snapped first up and to the glass on the counter, and then to the bottle as LaCroix brought it toward the glass in his hand. "More?" LaCroix asked simply, keeping his tone calm and neutral. For a few seconds Nick continued to stare at the bottle, then he closed his eyes and nodded. Almost immediately he could again hear blood being poured, this time he could feel the weight of the glass increase as well. Then the sounds of the club took over again, and upon reopening his eyes he saw LaCroix set the bottle back on the counter. Nick slowly took a sip of his refilled glass, again closing his eyes as he savoured the flavour. It seemed to now be helping him relax, and Nick waited a couple of minutes before taking another small taste. Then he set the glass on the bar and turned to his side to more easily scan the crowd. LaCroix also shifted slightly, but to watch his son. The Raven was extra busy tonight, extra loud, and even a touch warm. It was difficult to ignore, even for himself. For his preoccupied child...LaCroix smiled, but it dimmed slightly as he saw a young woman approaching, heading right for his son. LaCroix tried to catch her gaze, warn her back, but she didn't see his warning glare...or the angry sneer that replaced his grin. This child would make his son avoid the club...and him. Nick was pulled out of his near trance as his view became suddenly blocked by a rather young-looking vampiress. He gave her a smile and moved back slightly, thinking she was going to order something. When she put her hands on his chest, one wrapping gently around his shoulder, he knew he had been her target. Nick raised his hands to the young woman's, then parted his lips to tell her he wasn't interested only for her to kiss him. At first he responded, not able to stop himself due to feeling on edge, wanting blood and more. Then, feeling his sense of calm vanish as his hunger rose, he pulled her hands off him and shoved her roughly back, clenching her wrists in his hands. His eyes momentarily brightened from anger at both her action and his reaction. The young vampire stiffened at the narrowed, faintly glowing eyes locked on her. LaCroix had turned further on his stool, and he stood. Gently but firmly resting his hands on the woman's bare shoulders he leaned forward to whisper in her ear, "I believe he is taken." LaCroix' eyes darted up. "Isn't that right, Nicholas?" Nick closed his eyes, unconsciously confirming with an almost imperceptible nod. His grip on the woman's wrists loosened, but he didn't quite fully let go of her. "Now," LaCroix continued, his tone turning stark and icy. "Run along, and I suggest that you don't ever try that again." He released the vampiress' shoulders, and she immediately pulled away and scurried off. Again sitting, LaCroix smirked at his son. "I don't think you'll have any more trouble." Nick turned back to the bar and grabbed his glass. He drank it down in two large swallows, but it didn't calm him. He didn't look up as the glass was refilled, but whispered, "Thank you, LaCroix." Smiling, LaCroix reached for his own glass, but rather than picking it up he merely pulled it closer. His son didn't seem to want to talk, and as he wished the other to continue visiting and feeding...semi-properly, at least, he would sit quietly. Tracy, meanwhile, had been watching the two. When they had looked away from the bar, she had moved over behind two goth-dressed women who were chatting in inaudible whispers. All seemed relatively normal--beyond the speed with which Nick emptied that first glass, and that he had taken it right from LaCroix' hand--and Tracy had planned on leaving once they turned back to the bar. Then she had frozen, eyes wide, as a rather provocatively dressed and rather young woman went up to her partner and kissed him rather deeply on the mouth without warning. Tracy didn't know what to think. The woman--girl, really--looked barely old enough to be in the club. Worse, Nick had responded to the kiss, which made her feel queasy. She didn't like keeping secrets...knowing things she shouldn't, but if Nick and Natalie were seeing one another as it seemed for lack of a better description, she couldn't help but think Natalie should know what had happened. By the time Tracy had processed what she had seen Nick had shoved the woman away. It was difficult to tell, but Tracy had the impression he had been no more expecting the kiss than she had. She was wishing she were closer and could hear what LaCroix was saying when one of the two women between her and Nick and LaCroix said her partner's name. Tracy again froze, this time turning her head and trying to listen into the two women's conversation. "--Knight?" asked one of the women as she stared intently across the club just as Tracy had been. "Yeah, that's him." Then, after a pause, the second woman quickly nodded, "And don't even think about it. You heard the old general. Knight's taken." "So?" Tracy filed away their conversation, watching the second woman--who looked a bit older than the other--initially stare over at Nick, then she looked back to her friend. "So, you really don't want to piss either of them off." "What, you ever tried?" The other woman seemed uncomfortable, and she pushed back her long almost black hair. "You did. And?" "And I'm lucky he didn't kill me, and I really shouldn't have tried. Knight's not the practically mortal pushover he's made out to be." The younger woman's enthusiasm dampened, but then she asked, "If he's taken, do you know by whom?" As the other woman sighed, Tracy was struck by the thought of sisters. Sister-like friends with the older of the two sort of showing the younger the ropes. "Probably his doctor friend." "The mortal M.E.?" Nodding, the older woman again added, "And she's a resistor and off limits." "Off limits? I've never heard--" The other sighed again. "Look, either listen and learn, go back to Vancouver, get warned the hard way...or worse." The younger woman pulled back slightly. "I just...I thought the really old ones like him were more lenient...that they didn't care what one did as long as it doesn't draw attention." "And in that regard he's more lenient than most." She then lowered her tone so that Tracy had to strain as she continued, "But those like Lucius often...if any living family, and they...protective of what's...and Knight's his..." "Does he have any other family?" "The previous owner of the Raven. She left a bit less than a year ago. I'm not aware of others." "So...do whatever, but leave Knight and LaCroix alone?" "Do whatever, but don't draw attention, and don't mess with LaCroix' family. And remember what I said about the coroner. She would probably cover up any messes, but no one has been idiotic enough to purposely try--she'll tell anything to Knight, and him to LaCroix, probably. It might be best to think of her as LaCroix' family." With that, the woman stood and left. Tracy went back to watching Nick and LaCroix, neither of whom seemed to have budged. Then she hurriedly started for the entrance, turning over the two vampiress' conversation. She headed straight to her car. Unlocking the door and getting in, Tracy shut the door but didn't start the engine. She was both worried and intrigued by what she had overheard. So, Miss Big Sis is giving out warnings and had a bad encounter with Nick. Which, well, presented questions she would probably never get answers for. What, exactly, had happened? When? And was the woman exaggerating about Nick nearly killing her? Was this why Nick knew he would kill someone? Then there was the added information about LaCroix, particularly how the one woman had referred to him. The 'old general', 'Lucius', and one of 'the really old ones'. Just how old was he? The first seemed to fit him. LaCroix did seem like some ex-military guy...but had he at one point been a general? Or was it just some descriptor others made up? The name, Lucius, seemed more like a fact, and she wondered if it was his real name...and when the name had most often been used. It was an old name, that much she knew, but even now it wasn't that unusual...no more than his present name, maybe even more common. That might be something to look up...along with the Raven's previous owner. A woman and, while not stated, it sounded like she was another that LaCroix had turned. The bit before that she had only heard bits off. Running it through her mind she figured the woman had said something along the lines that "those like LaCroix don't have many children that survive, and as a result they are more protective." She figured the last was just emphasis that Nick was LaCroix'. Then, finally, were the bits about Natalie. Apparently other vampires knew about Natalie's knowledge, which made her a bit uncomfortable. Did vampires, beyond Vachon, Nick and LaCroix, know there was another 'mortal' that knew about them? At least it sounded like Natalie was relatively safe. It also seemed like LaCroix knew about Nick and Natalie getting closer, something even she had seen little evidence of beyond that one kiss and a bit more flirting between the two of them. Nick and Natalie had been close friends since before she had met either of them--even before Nick and Schanke had become partners, that she was aware. Finding out a bit of what had happened at the bar did make her feel a little better about what she had seen. But only a little. Tracy had a feeling Nick wouldn't tell Natalie someone had come up and kissed him. While she couldn't quite tell what Nick might be thinking, even from her hiding spot across the club she had been able to tell he was struggling with something. Was it his thoughts? Was it what he was...the call of blood, or whatever? Whatever was troubling him he kept to himself. Once he returned to the precinct, she knew he'd be the same as earlier that night: Preoccupied, lost in his thoughts. Reluctantly Tracy started her car up and headed back to the precinct. Their paperwork wouldn't do itself. She half-wished she had never gone to the club that night and had a feeling she wouldn't be telling anyone--not Natalie and not Nick--what she had seen. Broken Lies - (17/42) Come the end of their shift, Tracy slowly started tidying up her desk. Nick arrived back half an hour after she did, and he had done exactly what she expected--turn into a human--*vampire*--zombie for the remainder of his shift. It was so annoying watching him just sit there. She hoped they'd get a new case simply so that Nick would have something to focus on. Tracy went to tell Nick it was time to go home when she saw Natalie coming up behind him. She stalled leaving, opening one of her drawers to have something to innocently fiddle with. Natalie slowed, then put her hand half on the top of Nick's chair and half on his back. Nick snapped out of his thoughts and turned his head. He smiled upon seeing Natalie. "What are you doing here?" "Just thought I'd drop by before you went home." Leaning closer, she whispered, "And I thought I'd make your wait a tad harder." "Harder? Not tomorrow morning?" he asked, his smile dimming. Natalie smiled, pleased at his slight disappointment. He had apparently gotten used to the idea. "Hmm, no, still tomorrow morning...but I wanted to tell you to expect a little surprise." Nick waited, but Natalie just smiled nervously at him, which struck him as unusual in itself. "What kind of surprise?" "Well, it wouldn't be a surprise if I told you," she teased, then she became visibly nervous. "It's really not much, but I figured you'd like to know to expect a little extra." "Is that a hint?" Natalie tensed. She had slipped a little. Her surprise would be, assuming she could find something both revealing and conservative to buy after work today, what she would be wearing. She felt a bit silly, but she wanted to do *something* vaguely special for Nick given he really probably wouldn't get much out of tomorrow. "Nat?" "Ah, not really. Don't think too much about it, Nick." Natalie straightened and noticed Tracy was still there. Leaning forward again she lowered her voice and reminded Nick, "I won't be in to work tonight, but if you need anything--" "I know where the fridge is." "--you know--" Natalie stopped. "Well, I suppose that works, but you know you can call or come by, too." She paused upon getting a sheepish grin from him, hating that it would probably vanish in a moment. "And, ah, I would like to get another blood sample sometime in the next couple of nights." Nick's smile drained away, but he quickly replied with a nod. It wasn't his favourite thing to do, but it wasn't the worst thing in the world. "With the...meal log again?" "Yep," Natalie said a little louder. She then gave Nick a quick peck on his cheek before she again straightened. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow morning...unless I feel like bugging you before then." While Natalie headed out, Tracy watched as an odd half-smile graced her partner's face. It was somewhere between his usual perplexed smile and a genuine one. Then she watched him grab a form, and he then started sifting through other papers on his ever more disorganised desk. Tracy stood, but Nick ignored her. "Er, Nick?" When he looked up, she pointed to her watch. "Our shift is over...not that I would complain if you actually did some of our work, but it'll probably just join the others in the trash. Might as well leave it for tonight and save a tree." Nick reluctantly tried to put his desk back the way it was, but gave up. He was tempted to take the paperwork home to do, but decided against it. Tracy was watching him, and he didn't feel like clearing off his desk in front of her. He nodded absently as Tracy said something about seeing him that night, then as she left he did as well. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. The following morning, Nick kept postponing going home. First he had gone by the morgue...to have a small bit of blood. He didn't go by the Raven as LaCroix would ask questions, make comments... Then, after leaving Natalie a note about what he had taken, what he had left, and his food log, he had started home...but rather slowly. At some point he had turned around, only to have to turn around again as he abruptly realised just how close to sunrise it was getting, the sky already beginning to brighten. He still had a few minutes to spare as he pulled the Caddy up next to Natalie's car, then he headed inside. In the elevator he froze as the door shut behind him, his attention caught by a note taped on the back of the freight. He carefully pulled it off and read the short note. It just said to take off his jacket, holster, shoes...anything 'extra', and then go to the bedroom. Was this to do with the surprise? He hadn't figured out what that might be, either. Not that he had really tried. The corner of his mouth quirked up as he started the elevator up. As it came to a halt and he slid the door open, Nick was slightly disappointed that he appeared to be alone. Natalie was, as the note had implied, up in his bedroom. Nick crossed to the kitchen table and took off his jacket like usual. He hesitated a moment before shrugging out of his shoulder-holster, then he sat to pull his shoes off. That was it of the listed items, and after nearly a minute he pulled his socks off as well, stuffing them in his shoes. Then Nick just sat. He couldn't help but feel that maybe they shouldn't be doing this? But they both wanted it, wanted more, and he had made sure Natalie knew the risks...and she did. She knew full well he could slip and kill her today. Standing, Nick shut his eyes as his desire and hunger rose and he pushed them back as far as he could. He had to remain in control. He couldn't allow himself to either hurt or kill her. If he did... Opening his eyes he now pushed those unwelcome thoughts away as well. He knew exactly what he would do, and it wasn't something he wanted to think about, especially right now. Nick bypassed the stairs and flew right up to the door to the bedroom. While the action made up for his dalliance at the kitchen table, he suspected his general lateness had worried Natalie. He reached for the doorknob, hesitated for another moment trying to decide whether or not he should knock or say something before entering, then he turned it and slowly pushed the door in. Scanning the room for Natalie, he didn't see her, but he could tell she was close...very close... Nick smiled as he heard the door start to close behind him, and he turned to find Natalie wearing his robe and looking rather concerned. "You do know the sun is almost up?" Natalie said, arms folded in front of her. Nick held back a wince. He'd just about prefer hearing those words from LaCroix. "Yeah, I know." "I kind of expected you a good half an hour ago." "Almost an hour," Nick answered before Natalie had quite finished. "I know. I'm sorry. I got distracted and lost track of the time." "Distracted...driving?" she probed. Knowing he had a habit of thinking while driving...in circles. Getting a barely noticeable nod she told him, "If you don't want to try this today, it's--" "No, I...I want..." Like mere moments before when he had stood, Nick felt his inner beast rise up, heightening his senses and strongest desires. He again shut his eyes and tried to calm himself, but rather than regaining control he lost more as his fangs descended. Natalie recognised Nick seemed to be struggling...and trying to hide it. Uncrossing her arms, she raised her hands and gently touched the sides of his face. Before she could ask, he opened his eyes. They glowed a hungry golden yellow. He didn't have to tell her what he wanted, and slowly she moved closer and lightly kissed his lips. At first Nick didn't react in the slightest between still being a bit uncertain and not knowing how easily he might be pushed too far. When he didn't feel any more out of control, he returned the kiss just as Natalie pulled back. His hands went to her waist, initially just loosely ensuring she didn't pull away, then holding her tighter and pulling her body closer to his own. Then his hands instinctively shifted toward where his robe was tied. Natalie pulled away and grasped Nick's hands in hers, stopping him. If he took the robe off her now, she suspected he would be sending her home within a few minutes. She wanted this to last, and she whispered, "Not just yet." Then, smiling, she slowly guided him backwards toward the end of the bed. "Besides, you seem to have forgotten something." The comment momentarily took the edge off his hunger for her, and as Nick reached the bed and Natalie released his hands he asked, "Forgotten...what?" Natalie gently tugged on the buckle of his belt. "This." Undoing the buckle and sliding the belt free, she dropped it on the floor. Then she tugged up on his shirt, untucking it. Kissing him again, she gently pushed him back onto the bed. Nick sat back, which forced them apart for a moment, then another as he scooted fully back onto the bed. As soon as Natalie joined him and moved within reach, he leaned up and kissed her hungrily. He went to pull her closer, but she took his wrists and pinned them to the bed on either side of his head. Then she straddled him, at which he pushed up into her kiss...just before she pulled back. He opened his eyes to see her smiling down on him. He struggled to remain where she had put him, especially as her hands slid along his arms, to his shoulders, and then the buttons on his shirt, which she undid. As she reached the last button, Natalie leaned forward and kissed him again, first deeply on the mouth, then moved slowly down his neck and chest, planting kisses and teasing his skin as she went. Nick tried to play along, but as she resumed her focus on his neck, kissing and even nipping at his skin, he moved his hands from the bed and rolled them without warning. He kissed her neck, then paused a moment before simply brushing his lips along her skin up to her jaw. Natalie wasn't surprised that Nick had rolled her onto her back, but she was when he abruptly stopped for a moment before continuing. She then felt Nick shift toward one side, and she looked down at him. His interest clearly hadn't waned, and her heart sped up at his look of utter want and pleasure. Despite her slight fear, Natalie smiled. "You don't have to ask permission if that's why you stopped--" She was cut off as Nick stopped her with a kiss. Without looking, Nick reached for the tie holding the robe together and undid it, then quickly pushed the silky fabric off to the side. Finally ending the kiss, Nick pulled back and gave a cursory look down. His desire flared seeing Natalie's breasts just barely covered by a black lace bra, the lace sparse, to the point he could easily see every detail of her pale skin right through it. He closed his eyes for a second, but then looked right back at her, his eyes travelling down bare skin until he found more of the super contrasting black lace. It was equally see through, and more than just his fangs ached with need and desire. "Nick?" Natalie asked, again looking at him, surprised at his sudden lack of action. His eyes were examining her skin and body, and then he looked up at her. She caught a flash of a fanged grin before he went for her neck. She startled at first, then relaxed, stretching her neck back and closing her eyes as he kissed her. Nick did much like Natalie had done to him, trailing kisses along her collar bone, up the other side of her neck, then down the centre of her chest. He pushed the robe off each of her shoulders, then gently kissed above each of her breasts, his hands slipping around to her back and under the band of her bra. Continuing downward along her abdomen, his lips paused for a few seconds at the skin just above the edge of her lacy underwear. Then he smiled to himself, the lure of Natalie's blood shifting his attention to her hip and he brushed his lips over lace and then the skin of her nearer thigh, tracing the artery first with his lips, and then the tips of his fangs. Feeling her muscles tense, Nick switched back to kisses, planting each subsequent one touching more and more sensitive skin as he travelled from the top of her thigh to her inner thigh. Natalie suppressed an involuntary moan when Nick continued to kiss, nip, and tease his way down her inner thigh to her knee, and fingers slid along the border of the crotch of her underwear and her thigh. She wanted him so very much, and as he reached her knee and started up her other leg, she stretched her hands toward him and grabbed his shirt. When he moved to again kiss her chest and the tops of her breasts, she pushed the shirt back off his shoulders in her desire to be closer to him. He helped her discard the garment, then she pushed him back onto his back so that she again straddled him. She smiled upon feeling how much Nick clearly wanted her. As he tugged on the robe's sleeves, pulling it from her shoulders, she shrugged the robe off, but doubts began to rise. This really wasn't fair to Nick...even though it was what they had somewhat decided and agreed upon. That thought all but vanished as he pulled her down into a kiss, her skin melting into his. Nick held Natalie to him, revelling in her warmth and every curve of her body. He closed his eyes and smiled as she kissed his neck, then moaned as she gently bit at his skin. She again planted kisses and continued to gently bite the skin on his shoulders and chest. He loosely held her shoulders as she teased one of his nipples with her tongue, then he let out something between a purr and a growl when she switched between kissing, lightly sucking, biting, and otherwise teasing him. Then, when Natalie started to repeat on his other side, he roughly flipped her onto her back. He had reached his limit, but he didn't want to send her home...not yet. Natalie held back a grimace at Nick's grip on her arms. His expression had changed; he no longer merely wanted her, lusted for her, but needed her. She shut her eyes as Nick lowered his head to her neck, half expecting him to bite into her throat and take the blood he needed. But he didn't, merely kissing her skin instead. She relaxed when he loosened his grip on her arms, one of his hands flitting down her body touching her breast, then her waist, and then she tensed as his fingers tentatively slipped beneath the lace of her underwear. Getting no protest, Nick moved his hand lower and slid a finger slowly and easily into her warm body even as he continued kissing her neck. She moaned, her body outwardly relaxing, but inside her muscles contracted. Gently he began to massage her, first with just the one finger, and then with two. He kissed down her neck to her shoulder, then carefully snagged the strap of her bra with one of his fangs, pulling it off her shoulder. He then followed the thin strip of fabric, kissing his way over to her breast. He again used his teeth to hook the garment, and he pulled the lace cup of her bra down. The action wasn't quite as gentle, and he became rougher, pressing deeper into her with his fingers. He kissed her breast, then, with difficulty, merely teased her with his fangs. He wanted, needed release, and that meant blood... Nick froze as his thoughts momentarily overwhelmed him, but as Natalie clutched at his back he resumed massaging her, wanting to finish this, to bring her to orgasm. Closing his eyes he tried to remain calm even as Natalie's body temperature seemed to rise, her heart calling out to him frantically. His control slid, and Nick brushed his fangs hard up her along the delicate skin of her breast. The scent of her blood filled his senses, but almost simultaneously nails sliced into his back, and then he felt her muscles and body spasm around his fingers and against his own body. Burying his face in Natalie's unblemished shoulder, Nick held his jaw shut tight against the small taste of her sweet, love-filled blood. He wanted more than the couple drops lying smeared on his lips. He knew it would calm him, but he couldn't taste more. He would drink her dry. She needed to leave, but he didn't seem capable of speaking. His hand slid up along her abdomen to her waist, where he gently held her, his hand clutching on and off at her side as he weighed what he wanted right that moment and what he did not want at all... As her feelings of pleasure dimmed, Natalie noticed Nick seemed to be shaking slightly, his muscles tense. She tried to raise her head, but she couldn't see his face. "Nick?" At his name, Nick managed to finally speak and warn her away, whispering, "Go. You have to leave." Natalie could hear his quiet urgency, but when she tried to move away she couldn't. Nick still held her in place with his hand at her waist, and his grip tightened as she tried to leave. She attempted to gently pry his fingers loose, figuring he might get the hint, but it didn't help one bit. "If I'm going to leave, then you need to let go," she told him, carefully choosing her words. At first he didn't budge. Then she felt his grip slowly relax, and as it did she again pried at his fingers, loosening them further. She next moved carefully, slowly away, and as Nick rolled back onto his side she saw a flash of his eyes...blood-red and hungry. A few drops of blood were smeared on his lips. Then he turned his gaze down toward the bed and she continued to scoot away. She looked away upon reaching the side of the bed, then leaned forward to grab Nick's robe before standing. Shrugging the garment on, Natalie turned upon reaching the door. She wanted to go back and give him a light, reassuring kiss on his cheek or the back of his shoulder. But when she saw him, she froze. Angry red, long, and still rather bloody scratches marred the left side of his back. Natalie glanced to her hand and saw more blood, already drying. She had cut him. Before she looked up, her gaze stopped on yet more blood smeared on the right side of her chest. Gently moving the robes collar, she found scratches of her own; two short but bloody scrapes from Nick's fangs. The blood on Nick's lips was hers, not his. Again looking up at him, Natalie found Nick seemingly curled up slightly...and his fangs buried in his own wrist. While she still had an urge to approach him, his words echoed in her thoughts and his desperate action warned her back. She had to leave. Nick would be fine. This is what they planned...for her to have to leave. Reluctantly leaving the room, Natalie walked down the stairs, retrieved her purse and the bag she had put her clothes in, and headed to the stairwell door. She paused after opening the door and glanced up toward Nick's bedroom, half-expecting to see him. Of course he wasn't there, and while she didn't want to go Natalie made herself do just that. She had to do something about her wounds that had now begun to sting. Broken Lies - (18/42) Nick's eyes scanned the Raven's patrons, lingering on any women--mortal or vampire--that had anything in common with Natalie. His gaze constantly locked on one particular young woman looking to be in her late-20s who seemed most similar in appearance. She was about the same height and build as Natalie, with the same creamy skin tone and light nondescript ashy coloured hair. But, otherwise, the woman looked little like Natalie. The woman's hair was nearly completely straight and cut into an edgy angled bob, which went with her form fitting, slightly revealing sheath dress that hugged every curve. "See something of interest?" LaCroix asked, following the other's gaze to a young woman. Nick tore his eyes from the crowd and turned to stare down at his nearly full drink. "No," he answered, then raised his glass and took a large swallow. The bottled blood tasted bland. He still wanted and needed fresh blood. His own blood had done nothing to dampen his need. All it had done was allow Natalie to leave with her life. His back still to the bar and his eyes remaining on the woman his son had been watching, LaCroix leaned sideways toward the younger man. "You could take her," he suggested. "No consequences." Nick turned sharply toward LaCroix. "There are always consequences." "Not with her; she's one of us. You can do anything you wish with her...to her." Nick turned back to his glass, not daring to glance at the vampiress again. He had to admit it was tempting...but he couldn't. It'd be wrong and would probably only make his want for Natalie stronger. "I'm not interested," he said, and took another unsatisfying swallow from his glass. LaCroix studied the other; his son seemed more conflicted than usual. And the other clearly needed something more filling...yet claimed to have no interest in the perfect solution. He had a guess as to the reason and asked, "Why do you deny yourself something you need? Does it have something to do with Natalie?" Nick's eyes slid toward LaCroix, but he forced himself not to turn. He disliked the other mentioning Natalie by her first name and showing ever more interest in their relationship. "You know why, LaCroix. And you know it has *nothing* to do with Natalie." LaCroix stiffened slightly in anger at the other's adamant tone. He was becoming weary at his son's denial and attempts to avoid talking about Natalie, especially as his child became more and more withdrawn. The other simmered with anger even now, barely in control of other more mixed emotions. LaCroix again tried to read the other--usually a fairly simple task--but his son was consumed with conflict. That, he had slowly learnt, meant the other's mood had something to do with Natalie...perhaps everything. "Have you decided what to do?" Nick turned to face LaCroix at the vague question, puzzled. "What to do about what?" "Natalie, of course." LaCroix smiled, then added, "Your...lover." Quickly looking away, Nick's gaze darted place to place on the wall behind the bar. Why did LaCroix always seem to be at least partially right? And how did LaCroix even know? But clearly the other *did* know they were no longer simply friends. He could hear it in LaCroix' even, mocking tone. Disappointed at his son's lack of response, LaCroix more directly asked, "Do you love her?" Nick's eyes dropped to the plain, clean counter. He knew the answer, but did he irrevocably confirm LaCroix' suspicion? What would the other do if he did? Turning to lean in closer to his son, LaCroix asked again, "It is a simple question, Nicholas. Do you love her?" Nick closed his eyes and nodded slightly, then whispered, "Yes." "Then you know your options, what you must do." Shaking his head, Nick said, "I can't. I can't leave." He had had all day to think what he would do long-term, and leaving...if he could do it he would have before now. Forget that Natalie knew enough about his past, his jobs and aliases, that she would probably at least try finding him...if not succeed. He would hurt her by leaving and who knows how many others like her he might meet in the future. LaCroix momentarily narrowed his eyes. Something was wrong. His son was beyond preoccupied, and seemed consumed with anger, hatred, and guilt...all of which were directed inward. "Leaving isn't the only option." "I know it isn't, but I can't--" He stopped and shook his head again. "I can't bear to kill her, LaCroix. I'll take too much." LaCroix forced back his surprise. His son had already considered bringing her over, apparently. Even more, he seemed to have considered it seriously, which meant the younger had to be rather hopelessly in love with the mortal. "Then what are your plans? If you remain--" "I'll kill her," Nick quickly finished. "I know." "Then you might as well bring her across, or at least try." Nick vehemently shook his head. "No. I can't...I won't kill her, not accidentally and certainly not intentionally." LaCroix stiffened. If his son could not leave and wished to avoid killing Natalie...there were few options. In fact, the only method of achieving that goal would be if...if his son, himself, was unable to physically... No, he could not lose his child because of that mortal... LaCroix quickly shut his eyes and once again forced his anger back. His son had come to whatever conclusion by logic, by reason...even if it was twisted by love, emotion, and false beliefs. All he needed to do was provide an acceptable alternative, and that was an obvious, perfect, fix to his child's dilemma. "Or I could do it, Nicholas. I could add her to our little family?" "No," Nick simply answered. Somewhat perplexed, LaCroix paused to think, then continued, "Isn't it the perfect solution? No more worries about harming her..." His son didn't respond, at which he asked, "Unless she is against the idea?" "No, she's...she's suggested it." "And you are also not against the idea?" LaCroix continued to probe. "No, but-- It's not that simple, LaCroix. I don't want--" "It seems perfectly straightforward." "It's not." "Would Natalie agree on that?" Nick didn't have a reply. No, Natalie probably wouldn't agree with his reply. Like LaCroix, she would see it as a straightforward solution...but he couldn't tell LaCroix that. "Perhaps I should make her an offer..." "No." "I don't need your permission, Nicholas. Only hers, and I do not believe that will be difficult to obtai--" LaCroix was forced to cut off when the younger man slammed him back into the bar's counter. It hurt more than he wanted to admit. Nick glared at LaCroix, pinning him back with all his strength, his eyes burning gold and scarlet in anger. Leaning forward he threatened in a whisper, "You don't touch her. You don't make any offers to her." LaCroix was taken aback by his son's sudden show of strength and emotion. The other had also changed, but that at least he understood. With the younger man pressed against him like this it was clear his child needed blood--and blood to subdue more than just his desires but his sheer need--and if he didn't get it he would take it in a rage and without care of where. Calmly, almost fearfully LaCroix asked, "And if she comes to me?" Nick shut his eyes tight and gave LaCroix another shove out of frustration. If Natalie went to LaCroix...technically that was her choice. "Then I ask that--" He cut off upon feeling hands pulling him back. Turning in anger, he roughly pushed the more aggressive of the two bouncers back. Before his child could do irreparable damage, either kill his employees or reveal what he was to all those in the club, LaCroix grabbed the other from behind, taking hold of his son's arms. "Leave them, Nicholas," LaCroix soothed, then he focused on the confused, half scared and half pissed off bouncers. "I will deal with this. Go." When one left but the other hesitated, LaCroix locked gazes with the much younger vampire and repeated, "Go." Then, leaning forward he turned to whisper, "Come, Nicholas." Nick spun, pulling out of LaCroix' grasp. Once again he felt his anger sharply rise. He didn't want to let LaCroix get out of this conversation. "If she asks you, I ask--" "That I refuse," LaCroix simply finished, then repeated, "Now come." He snugly grabbed the younger's wrist and started toward his broadcasting booth. Once inside, LaCroix released his grip then swiftly but gently shut the door, not wanting to draw more attention to them than already had been drawn. Nick began to pace like a caged animal deprived of his prey. His eyes darted from one feature to another in the relatively bare room, all the while avoiding LaCroix. "You shouldn't be so careless." Nick snapped his angry gold gaze up to LaCroix and stopped pacing. "And you shouldn't threaten--" "I did no such thing! I merely presented a solution to your dilemma..." "And suggested you might take my problem into your own hands." "It was a suggestion; nothing more." "Then why point out that it's her choice? Why remind me that you don't need my permission?" LaCroix hesitated before answering, trying to think up something the other would accept...but as his son's gaze bored into him he knew any lie would be caught. "I wanted your reaction, an inkling of your thoughts." "And now that you have them, will you ask her?" Again LaCroix hesitated, considering the question carefully. Would he? It had, for a moment, been so close to a plan...then his son had attacked him. "Will you, LaCroix?" Nick asked, anger seeping back into his voice. "I will not ask her...without reason." "And if she asks you?" Nick asked again. Once more LaCroix felt his son's eyes bore into him. Is this how his child felt when he was studying him? Or was he just imagining the odd sensation he couldn't quite place? Whatever the case he sensed that a lie would not go over well, and he truthfully answered, "I don't know." "You don't know," Nick echoed sarcastically. "No, Nicholas, I honestly do not know. I will *try* to heed your request, but I cannot and will not make any guarantees." Looking away for a moment, LaCroix argued, "I still do not understand your reluctance in the matter. If you love her and cannot bear to leave her...it is the perfect solution. Unless--" Nick abruptly turned away seeing a realisation flicker across the other's face. "Banish these thoughts, Nicholas. Bury them. Eradicate them." Nick bowed his head and slowly shook it. "I don't know if I can. I'm not even sure what I'm thinking," he whispered. Then he began to pace again, but this time more slowly, thinking as he did. LaCroix recognised the change in his son; the other was holding back his real thoughts. "You know what you're thinking. Something to do with Natalie, I'm sure." Nick stopped again. LaCroix was right in that he couldn't bear to hurt her more than he already had...even though he knew he would. She would be either physically hurt--beyond all hope--when he killed her, or emotionally hurt--probably for a lifetime--if he left or killed himself. At least with the latter she would know his fate and not come looking for him or devote the remainder of her precious life to a cure that didn't seem to exist. He bowed his head, eyes clamped shut. That's what he was considering--to end this half-life, this hell, and that's why he didn't want LaCroix to bring Natalie over. He wanted her to live, something he was beginning to doubt he could do even with her. He was tired of hurting others...others he cared about, and there weren't many options to prevent that, and none he could stand for long. LaCroix was lucky, and while he would surely hurt him as well...it would be for a mere moment. LaCroix would no longer have his burden. Nick's anger flared and he started for the door. He needed out of this room. The longer he stayed the more likely he picked some poor mortal for prey before making it out of the Raven. LaCroix side-stepped to the door and grabbed the younger's wrist, pushing it away. "Let me leave, LaCroix. Please." "To go where? To do what?" Nick had the urge to pace again, and he reached for the doorknob, replying, "Work." LaCroix chuckled. "Work? Like this? Do you have a death wish for your partner?" Loosening his grip on the knob, Nick then moved back. LaCroix was right. Even if he got out of the club... And it wouldn't just be Tracy he put in danger, but Natalie and anyone he worked with. "I know what you need..." Nick closed his eyes. Of course LaCroix knew what he needed. "I have it, Nicholas. I'm surprised you haven't asked... It's not too different from what we've been doing...a bit *less* intimate, in fact. Truly no consequences." LaCroix smiled, watching as his son considered and thought. "Natalie would understand you coming to me, wouldn't she? More than she would that pretty young thing you were watching. Will you tell her? After all, it is she who is responsible for your current state, isn't that right?" His smile widened as the younger man looked up at him with brightly shining eyes...filled with need. His son was letting his instincts loose. LaCroix stepped closer, moving fully in front of the door...not that he needed to keep the other there any longer. Continuing to grin, LaCroix slowly held his hands out ever so slightly to his sides, palms up. "Whenever you wish; however you wish." The invitation started Nick slowly forward; a predator deciding how best to take down its prey. He eyed LaCroix and gently backed him up against the door, pinning the other's arms back. All the while LaCroix smiled, which made Nick hesitate, even as he moved his already descended fangs toward the other's neck. Then he stopped, once more closing his eyes. LaCroix turned his head and leaned forward to whisper right in his child's ear, "Considering something more complex? You can do anything you wish to me right now; I won't stop you. Anything, Nicholas..." Nick now completely halted his advance, even pulling back slightly. Never had LaCroix given him such a wide offer...and with how he presently felt LaCroix' meaning was clear to him. LaCroix was hinting at him taking more than just his blood, but also satisfying his more physical needs. The idea tempted him for a moment, yet in truth all he cared about was blood...fresh blood taken by his fangs buried in another's flesh. However much he wanted the blood, Nick had no desire for LaCroix to take his...not right now with his thoughts racing. He released his grip on LaCroix' left arm and used his hand to roughly push and then hold LaCroix' head to the side as he struck. While not quite instantaneous, Nick quickly felt calmer from the blood. As he continued to drink, keeping LaCroix pinned firmly between himself and the door, Nick's desire finally melted away and his muscles relaxed. Slowly he let his grip on LaCroix lax, then he pulled back, paused, and finally stepped back. LaCroix continued to lean against the door for a few moments, then stretched and craned his neck to sooth the muscles his son had wrenched rather abruptly to the side. The younger's roughness had been refreshing. "Will we be doing this again?" Nick met LaCroix' gaze for a moment, then he looked away. The other had clearly enjoyed this, and at least through satisfying his need he had as well. But did he want to do this again? He didn't like depending on LaCroix, not for this, although knew he might need the other's assistance again, and soon. "I don't know," he noncommittally answered. "Well, you know where to find me if you either need or want for anything." He grinned and was only mildly disappointed when his son became rather grim-faced. It was to be expected as the other's instincts faded and his guilt-ridden thoughts took over. Beginning to feel uncomfortable, after a couple of minutes Nick realised it was more than just LaCroix' oppressing gaze bothering him. Neither that morning as Natalie left nor throughout the day had he managed to extinguish the physical state of arousal she had left him in. LaCroix' blood had, however, and he now knew he needed to change clothes. He looked at his watch and again became restless. He was going to be late for work. Nick then closed his eyes in relief as LaCroix left without warning, shutting the door quietly behind him. Nick felt thankful for not having to explain why he needed to leave, for now being momentarily free from all scrutiny, and for not getting a chance to thank the other. It wasn't that he wasn't thankful; he was. His thoughts were just occupied, dreading the questions and concern Natalie would undoubtedly confront him with, and worried they had made a mistake. If he didn't kill her he would probably hurt her more than ever when he left...however he left. Broken Lies - (19/42) Several hours later, Tracy went slowly through files...files nothing to do with their recent cases. Tonight she was half-trying to avoid catching Nick's gaze and half-watching to make sure he wasn't watching *her*. Earlier she had sped out of the Raven the instant Nick had vanished into the radio booth after LaCroix, or she should say the instant LaCroix dragged her partner into the booth. Shortly before that, Nick had abruptly gone from seemingly sitting calmly...to practically attacking LaCroix. Worse, while she hadn't had a good view of Nick, she had of LaCroix, and his reaction had been unexpected to her. Tracy swore she had caught a flicker of fear, of surprise, something that she suspected didn't happen often. And then Nick had spun and gone for the man who had rather rudely asked to check her ID at the door that night...and then had looked her over before giving it back. Security, and the poor man or vampire, whatever, had probably been lucky LaCroix had pretty much moved with Nick and stopped him. Having seen that...it made her uncomfortable sitting across from Nick. Earlier he had seemed out of control; it wouldn't surprise her if he had vamped out right there in the club. Now he just seemed distracted...well, agitated and jittery, but distracted all the same. He seemed uncomfortable. At least he appeared to actually be trying to work. Unlike herself. Tracy's eyes darted toward Nick, then to one of the files she had found...case reports from a couple of Nick's previous cases. She didn't know what made her try it, but she had looked for previous cases involving the club. And what did she find? For one, the name of the previous owner: Janette DuCharme. For another, Nick had been present at two incidents at the club. Had she ever asked Nick when he had found out vampires were real? She had assumed it had been when he had become one himself, but...maybe not. But Vachon had also illustrated how easily Nick could be manipulated--unlike her and Natalie, Nick was not impervious to vampires' ability to manipulate thoughts. He had been far from a resistor from what she could tell. This Janette could have easily manipulated Nick. Janette *and* LaCroix could have. Nick had met LaCroix before he had been shot; had Janette introduced them? Nick would go absolutely ballistic if he knew what she was 'working' on. Thankfully he seemed to be paying no interest to her nervousness. Nick was off in his own little world tonight. Tracy winced as she heard the captain call Nick's name...and he didn't answer. Yep, Nick was off on Mars...or Pluto. "Knight?!" Reese called a second time, but his detective didn't budge. Catching Tracy's gaze--she had heard him--he silently motioned to her to join him, then went back into his office. Tracy quietly shoved the files she had been looking at into a drawer and out of sight, then got up and went into Reese's office. By then, he had sat down. "Captain?" Reese nodded in Nick's general direction. "Is your partner all right?" Inwardly, Tracy panicked; Reese had noticed Nick's distracted behaviour...or that it had worsened. "He's fine, just a bit..." she trailed off, not sure what to say that wouldn't concern Reese. "Bored?" he offered. "Maybe a little when we're here," she quickly and qualitatively answered. "About all we have is paperwork." Reese raised an eyebrow. The two hadn't turned anything beyond the bare minimum report-wise for weeks, and what he had received had been done by Vetter. "And it is being worked on." Reese sighed. He disliked essentially giving Tracy more work, but he suspected a new case would do her partner good, and he needed to assign it to someone. Picking a note up off his desk he handed it out to Tracy. "Suspected robbery-turned-homicide." Tracy carefully took the piece of paper with a residential address scrawled on it, then backed slightly toward the door. "And Vetter?" She froze, knowing whatever Reese had to add would probably have something to do with Nick. "Keep an eye on him. And make sure he's talking to someone about why ever he's distracted, and I guess that means you or Dr. Lambert." She managed a slight smile and nod, then left the office to tell Nick. He barely acknowledged her, but he got up and started out after she repeated that they had a case. She had to grab her coat, and so ended up lagging behind. By the time she had reached Nick's car, he had it started. He had the top down tonight; Tracy thought it was a bit too chilly for that, but wasn't about to complain. She had no idea what set him off at the Raven earlier, and she didn't want to push him. Nick was also still acting distracted, which made her a tad uncomfortable given he was driving. His car, at least. Nick drove slower than normal, dreading reaching the crime scene...and Natalie. LaCroix' blood had helped so very much, but that had been before his shift. Midnight had passed, his shift half over, and the closer he got to the address the more his thoughts focused on Natalie. Her scent, the warmth of her skin, taste of her blood... He was furious at himself for having bit or scratched her. How badly he didn't know. Would she scar? Would the prospect upset her? And then he had also gone a bit further than they had agreed upon. He hadn't asked permission or warned her in any way...and then soon after he had told her to leave. He didn't know if what he had done had made her uncomfortable or not. As Nick pulled the Caddy up among other vehicles--the coroner's van, two patrol cars, Natalie's car, and another unmarked police car--but didn't stop the engine, Tracy turned to him. "Nick?" she softly asked, then when he didn't respond she reached over, put the Caddy in park, and turned the ignition off. Nick had snapped out of his thoughts as Tracy's hand bumped his while reaching for his keys. They were there. He didn't remember pulling up at all. Rather than bug Nick again, Tracy got out and slowly walked toward the front of the Caddy, where she waited as Nick slowly joined her. Nick followed a few steps behind Tracy, who kept glancing over her shoulder at him. Usually he took the lead, but he wanted space between himself and Natalie, at least at first. He barely listened as Tracy asked for a rundown from another detective--Brewer, robbery. Nothing had been taken. The victim, a woman, looked to have woke, investigated a noise, and run into an intruder. There was blood; Nick smelled it the moment he had walked through the front door. He nodded Tracy toward the source--the kitchen. Again lagging behind her, Nick dropped his gaze to the floor and their victim the moment Natalie came into view. The split-second had been enough for his desire to start taking control. That vanished as he saw the young woman, no older than Tracy, sprawled on the floor bruised, cut, and bloody, with Natalie looking over the body and the floor for evidence. "Natalie?" Tracy called, catching the other's attention. A fleeting smile appeared on Natalie's face, but vanished as Nick averted his gaze. She had been looking forward to seeing him, but now she worried they had somehow ruined their friendship. If Nick was mortal like her she'd even bet on it, but as far as she knew Nick had looked away due to the state of the victim...and the multiple blood smears in the room. "I take it you two have an idea what happened?" she directed at Tracy. "Yeah. She woke up and found an intruder." "More than just found; she fought back." Natalie nodded toward a kitchen knife on the floor near the woman's hand. "There's blood on both the blade and the handle." "So one is the intruder's blood?" Tracy asked. "Yep, or should be. I haven't found any stab wounds, just defensive cuts, and those don't account for the amount of blood. I think what killed her was a blow to the head, probably against the counter, there." Natalie gestured with a gloved hand toward a small bloody spot on the counter's edge, then paused before adding, "Your suspect is probably going to need medical attention." "Do you know if she was the only one home?" Tracy again asked as Nick seemed to have completely zoned out. Natalie shook her head. "Her husband slept through most of what happened. He's in the office down the hall." She nodded back toward a second entrance to the kitchen. "I don't think he'll be much help to you two. By the time he came out, she was dead, and the intruder gone." Nick's eyes focused on the young woman on the floor. Why had she had to go investigate the noise? That's something her husband probably should have done. Her body was bruised and cut...the intruder had probably thought she was alone and would be easy to subdue. And, in a way, he had been right. "How long do you think she fought?" "The intruder?" Natalie asked, even as she thought. "A minute or two at least by my guess." Nick fought the urge to pace. This would not have been quiet. Even after a minute her husband should have woke and gone toward the noise. Unless he knew...and waited on purpose. His anger rose at the possibility and he started back through the living area toward the hall that ran by the kitchen. Natalie saw and stood, ready to call after him, but he was too quick. The office was at the other end of the house. She hurried carefully into the hall and winced upon hearing Nick's voice from one of the rooms. "Where were you while your wife was fighting for her life?" "Nick--" started Tracy, who had followed Nick more closely, but she halted as he shot a rather murderous glare at her. She could have sworn his eyes had changed, too. "Where?" Nick repeated, but the man didn't answer. Nick didn't register how pale and grey-ish the man's skin was, nor the blank look of disbelief in his eyes. Natalie arrived at the doorway to see Nick leaning over the victim's husband...who, frankly, would probably need taken to the hospital, and that was *before* Nick had started yelling at him. Tracy stood between her and Nick, seemingly wanting to stop him but holding back, perhaps out of fear he would turn his anger on her. Natalie suspected that's exactly what would happen. Knowing it would be unlikely that he hurt anyone that physically pulled him away, however, Natalie slipped sideways past Tracy and grabbed Nick's nearer arm and tugged him toward the door. Her action barely made his body sway. "Nick, you need to come with me. Now." She again tugged on his arm, and while she felt resistance, he did let her pull him. She first moved him away, off to the side, then turned him until he faced toward the door. She had to guide him more roughly to get him to move, but didn't hesitate. Once in the hall she moved in front of him, then backed him into the wall. Only then did she release his upper arm. "What the hell was that?" she demanded in a harsh whisper. "He should have been the one to get up--" "And, what? Then he'd be the one lying there in the kitchen. Who knows, maybe they'd *both* be dead." "He still should have." "Maybe he's a heavy sleeper. Maybe she hadn't heard anything and was just up and getting a glass of water. Maybe she hears noises often and didn't think it was worth waking him. Maybe she didn't like being treated like a glass doll." She caught a slight flinch and felt oddly satisfied. "Figuring out which 'maybe' is right is your job, not jumping to any one possibility or making unfounded accusations." "I know what my job is," he quietly hissed, but looked away. He hadn't been doing his job as good as he could or should. Natalie sighed. "Of course you do, but I think you should let Tracy handle questioning him. Okay?" "Yeah. Probably." Natalie nearly reached out to touch Nick's face but stopped upon seeing Tracy appear tentatively in the doorway. "Ah, Tracy, I was just about to ask if you'd mind if Nick helps me with evidence collection while you question the husband?" Tracy hesitated. Most of the 'evidence' looked like it might be blood, and Nick having to practically handle it... Her gaze darted to Nick, who looked rather uncomfortable splayed against the wall. At least he didn't look like he would kill anyone. In fact, Natalie seemed to be the one in control. "Er, I think that should be up to Nick," she said vaguely, not wanting to push him into helping if he'd rather her. "It's fine," Nick softly replied, then slid off to the side and headed back toward the kitchen, the victim, and the blood scent. Tracy waited until her partner vanished from sight, then asked, "Are you sure it's a good idea for Nick to--" "Don't worry about him." "But the blood..." she said in a whisper. Natalie hesitated, hunting for something, anything that made sense. "It'll be...good practice for him," she said, then started back to their scene before Tracy could express more worry. Broken Lies - (20/42) Nearly three hours later Natalie entered the precinct only to find Nick's desk empty. Nick had grudgingly helped her at the crime scene, but quietly. Not that they had much of a chance to talk, but Nick had seemed to be avoiding looking at her or bumping into her. Something was wrong. She had since finished the autopsy on Mary Martin, Nick and Tracy's victim, and while she hadn't found anything new, she had wanted to try talking to Nick. And, of course, he wasn't there. She hadn't called before coming over in case he tried to avoid her. Reluctantly, Natalie headed toward the desks; at least she could give her prelim report to Tracy. "Hi, Trace...by any chance do you know where Nick is?" Tracy stopped what she was doing with a sigh and looked up at Natalie. "Sorry. He disappeared about ten minutes ago. No idea where he went or when he'll be back." She dropped her pen on the desk. She was tired and her head hurt. "Any leads?" "Nope. So far no one has checked into any area hospitals or emergency clinics." Tracy nodded to the folder in Natalie's hand. "Anything in there?" "Not really. I will say that Mary Martin would have been relatively strong and her attacker was much stronger." "So definitely male, and not average?" "Exactly. And while I don't yet definitively know what blood is hers and what is her attacker's, I do have his fingerprints." At this Tracy perked up. "Not in the system, but between prints and DNA from the blood we'll have him." "If we find the guy. No witnesses. At all. And Nick's not helping. He's been a pain in the-- He hasn't sat still all night, and he keeps..." Tracy trailed off; she wished she could tell Natalie about what she had seen at the Raven, but she didn't feel right about it. "And Reese said something to me about Nick acting disinterested, distracted. I don't think he's said anything to Nick yet, but if..." Tracy closed her eyes for a second. It wasn't really a matter of if, but when. "But he will. Nick...I think he's getting worse, although don't ask why...just...it's just a feeling," she fumbled. Natalie gently set her report on Tracy's desk for something to do. She didn't need told by anyone Nick was getting worse. His blood told her that quite clearly. Arriving at work she had found a short note, a rather bare food log, and two vials of Nick's blood in the fridge. She had already looked at it, and if Nick had been human he'd have collapsed and died well before now. She was even concerned he would do just that even as a vampire, but she didn't know what happened with long term starvation. She assumed that rather than die a vampire would go into some sort of self-preserving coma, but she didn't know and neither did Nick. In the past Nick had tried to completely abstain, sometimes for weeks, but he had always gone back to a regular diet of sorts before he got like this. Now she didn't think he was trying, but that actually made her more worried. And tonight he had seemed to just snap at the crime scene and suspected it had something to do with her. "Nat?" Tracy called, noticing the other had zoned out a bit herself. "Maybe warn him he might be in for some unscheduled time off when you see him? I'd do it, but I think he'd listen to it from you better. I don't think he trusts me, or not like he does you." "I'll tell him, but Tracy...he does trust you. He would have requested a new partner or left by now if he didn't. If he wasn't okay working with you now that you know--" "I don't think him staying or not staying has anything to do with me, me knowing what he is, or his job," Tracy flatly replied. Her partner didn't have to say anything for her to know Nick stayed because of Natalie. The only times he seemed relatively normal was when he was around Natalie. Or at least that's what she saw; what Natalie observed when she was around him, she had no idea. "You do know why he stays, right?" Natalie slowly nodded. "Yeah, I know, but if he didn't trust you or feel...comfortable around you, Tracy, he would have quit or asked to be reassigned or something...and you'd have a new partner by now." Tracy sighed, suspecting Natalie was right. "If he trusts me, why can't he tell me where he's going? Natalie smiled a little at that. "He drove Schanke nuts with that." "So that's not new?" "Nope. Sorry." "Did he ever, er, lie about where he goes?" Natalie hesitated. The only way Tracy would ask this is if she'd been following Nick or otherwise checking he was where he said. And Nick was more likely to not answer than to lie. If he was lying about where he was going, he was trying to throw Tracy off or keep her from following him. "Nat?" "No, not really." "So--" "If it started after you started watching him...the only way you'll get him to not lie to you is to tell the truth about what you've been doing. You're still following him, aren't you?" Caught, Tracy fumbled, "I--well, I stopped, but--I--I can't help it. I'm worried about him, Natalie." Natalie let her anger subside seeing Tracy was just as affected by Nick's dwindling mood as she was. "Just...stop watching him so closely, and don't let him get to you. If you have a problem with him or something you're concerned about..." Natalie paused and breathed out before conceding, "...you can talk to me or tell me if you think it will help and you don't want to talk to Nick." Tracy considered that, then nodded. "Yeah, that might help. Thanks." She then kept her gaze down and grabbed the folder Natalie had brought. She opened it, but was too distracted by their conversation to read any of it. "When I have confirmation of more than one blood type, I'll let you two know." Then Natalie started to turn, but instead asked, "And when Nick gets back, can you give me a call?" "Sure." Almost immediately Tracy saw her partner just coming in the front doors. "But looks like I won't have to." Natalie turned and looked along Tracy's line of sight. There Nick was walking slowly forward, his sheepish gaze locked right on her. At least he didn't look like he planned to turn and bolt, something she feared given he had so far been avoiding her as much as he could tonight. "Hi," she said as he came to a stop a couple feet short of her. "Ah, brought over my prelim--" "Can we talk?" Nick cut her off. Despite that being why she had come over in the first place, Natalie hesitated, then nodded. When Nick then didn't budge, she headed toward the hall and one of the observation rooms. The room empty, she stepped inside and didn't turn until she heard the door shut. To be honest, she was afraid what Nick might tell her. "How deeply did I cut you?" he asked once her eyes met his. "It's nothing," she insisted, brushing the question off. "I can smell the wounds from here. How deep? Will you scar?" "Not very deep," she vaguely answered. "But more than a scratch," he stated. Natalie unconsciously looked down for a moment. That morning, right at first she had thought he had just barely broke her skin, but once home she found the wounds were midway between scratches and requiring stitches. "Natalie--" "Yes, it's a bit more than a scratch." "It'll scar, won't it?" Nick asked softly, his anger at himself tingeing his question. "I can't say for sure," she started, then paused, knowing he wouldn't like the rest of her reply. "But possibly, probably." Nick shut his eyes and let his chin drop against his chest. He had hurt her. Even if he left, excised himself from her life right now, Natalie would have a permanent mark that would haunt her, follow her. "I'm sorry," was all he could manage. Natalie stepped toward him. "Don't be; I'm not." She gently touched the side of his face, and his eyes snapped open. They looked dull and cold, devoid or perhaps drained of emotion. Wanting to make her point clear, she moved a tad closer to kiss him. At first Nick couldn't resist the comforting kiss, but he forced himself to turn away. "Nick--" "We need to talk...really talk about this, about us." Natalie reluctantly nodded. "Not here, not--" He closed his eyes. The simple kiss had reignited his desire for her so very easily. "I can come over when my shift ends?" she suggested, but feeling him pull back slightly, she added, "Or tomorrow after work." "This morning will be fine." He turned to her, met her gaze and tried to discern an inkling of her thoughts. She appeared concerned and seemed faintly uncomfortable. Had he overstepped some boundary that morning? Did it have to do with his behaviour earlier? Or perhaps asking, reminding her of the wounds he had given her had done it? "I'm sorry," he muttered again. "Nick, you have nothing to be sorry for." "I lost control with the victim's husband." "And your partner made apologies and you know you screwed up." "She shouldn't have had to apologise." "Then say 'sorry' to her, not me." "You had to stop me." "Maybe, but you listened." Nick didn't relax, worried he had overstepped in other areas as well. Vaguely he asked, "Did I go too far when--I didn't exactly ask, and we had agreed not to..." Realising what Nick was talking about, Natalie found herself blushing. "You didn't do anything wrong yesterday morning. Nothing at all. All right?" Now Nick let his muscles relax, although they tightened again for a moment as he received another kiss. "We can talk more about that in the morning, too, if you want," she told him after pulling back. His eyes had turned gold and she could feel his hands on her waist. She shifted and felt resistance. Nick held Natalie steadily before him. He didn't want her to leave just yet, plus her two light kisses had affected him to the point he began to doubt it would be safe for her to come over. While he wanted and needed to talk with her, to tell her the direction his thoughts were leaning, he feared losing her. Even though he would, eventually, one way or another. Over the previous twenty-four hours his thoughts kept solidifying. And Natalie wouldn't like them any more than LaCroix would. Even he disliked what he'd been thinking, but he didn't seem capable of not thinking about what he was considering doing, and now even planning. Noticing as Natalie's lips parted in preparation to speak, he kissed her deeply, pulling her body against his. Natalie closed her eyes as Nick kissed her on the mouth then trailed soft but hungry kisses along her jaw to the side of her neck. His sharp canines nibbled at her skin, even as Nick guided her backward until she bumped into a table up against the wall. Her pulse sped up, not just from what they were doing but where. They weren't exactly in a seldom used broom closet. That thought made her smile, and she pointed her observation out to Nick, "You know, someone could come in here at any moment..." Nick halted his teasing and smiled as well. "Someone could...but I don't think anyone will." "And why do you say that?" "Because everyone in the bullpen watched me follow you back here... If I knew I couldn't and wouldn't hurt you..." He kissed her under her ear and slowly breathed in her scent. Again the faint scent of her blood sliced into his senses, taunting him. He wanted to take her right there...all of her, not just the wondrous liquid that flowed through her veins, enticing him closer. He felt himself becoming lost, and he softly moaned as Natalie kissed his neck. Suddenly he felt the urge to bite her, and Nick pushed slightly back from her. But when her lips again met his, Nick found he couldn't pull away. Her tongue teased his fangs, pressing against their sharp tips at times as they kissed. Again his want for her blood almost overcame him, but what stopped him was the realisation that Natalie was trying to give him another taste of her blood. As her tongue scraped harder against the tip of one of his fangs, Nick pulled his head back, forcing their kiss to end. When she then went for his neck again, he gripped her arms and shoved her away along the side of the table. "Stop, please stop," he said, his voice turning from almost a yell to a whisper in those three words. Natalie held back a wince at the grip he had on her arms. Just as she had fully regained her balance from his sharp shove and was thinking of asking if he could loosen his grip a little, he completely let go of her and backed away. He looked rather like he had that morning; she shouldn't have pushed his control like that. "Nick--" "I have to go," he muttered, his eyes turning away as he backed toward the door and left. Natalie started after him, but he had vanished with the stealth of his kind. Tentatively she started back toward Nick's desk, but as she had kind of expected his chair was empty. She went ahead and walked back, figuring Tracy would want to know Nick had left once more. Natalie forced a smile as Tracy looked up. "Where's Nick? I thought he was with you?" Tracy asked upon noticing Natalie was alone. "Ah, he left again." Natalie watched Tracy's frustration boil over. "Don't be mad at him, not for this. It's...it's not his fault," she sighed pursing her lips a moment before turning and leaving. She was thankful for whatever reason Tracy remained silent. Broken Lies - (21/42) When her shift ended, Natalie drove to Nick's only to get no answer. Upon letting herself in, she became disappointed and even a touch angry that Nick wasn't there. His car had been outside, but it didn't seem like Nick had come up. He had just drove it home, got out, and... At that point she had sighed, figuring he had gone to the Raven...and not made it back before sunrise. That prospect didn't bother her as much as she had thought it would. If Nick had gone to the club it probably had something to do with her. He didn't have any blood at the loft and his log for the week was downright pitiful; a night--or day--of binging might actually be a good thing for him. She had arrived home expecting Sydney to rub up against her legs, mewling for breakfast, but upon entering her apartment it seemed as empty as Nick's. Dropping her keys and purse on a table, she shrugged off her coat then went looking for her cat. "Not hungry, Sydney? You been eating the--" Natalie cut off as she found both Sydney and Nick curled up on the sofa. Sydney was awake, staring at her from where Nick--who was clearly asleep--still loosely held him. Natalie couldn't help but smile. Never, not once, had Sydney ever let Nick pet him, forget...this. But her smile vanished as the reasons why Sydney might cuddle up with Nick worried her. Sydney would cuddle like this with her usually when she was overly stressed or worried about something...ironically usually about Nick. Sydney must have sensed something about Nick's mood, and that something must have outweighed her cat's dislike for vampires, or well, Nick, as that she was aware Sydney hadn't met any other vampires. Slowly walking over to the sofa, Natalie watched as Sydney's gaze followed her approach. She felt like Sydney was...well, eyeing her and determining her threat level. She had seen him do this with Nick, but now Nick seemed to be on Sydney's 'protect' list. Sydney remained put as she reached down and brushed Nick's hair back out of his sleeping but anxious-looking face. He didn't wake, and she repeated the action while putting more pressure on his skin. "Nick?" He twitched at the sound of his name, but didn't wake. "Nick, come on; wake up," she urged a bit louder and teased the back of his ear near his neck, figuring that would do it. Nick woke at the touch behind his ear, disoriented, and for a moment a bit frightened until he realised the soft, warm furry creature held in his arms was Natalie's cat. And Natalie was leaning over him. He must have fallen asleep. Abruptly he moved to sit up. Sydney wriggled out of his arms, jumping onto the back of the sofa in his escape. Natalie sat next to him, at which he looked away. "I see you and Sydney finally made friends." "For the moment, it seems," Nick vaguely replied. Natalie took note of the flat tone of Nick's voice, and he also looked absolutely drained. "I thought I was coming over to your place?" Nick's eyes darted nervously to Natalie. "I wasn't sure you would after I shoved you." "Of course. I did. You had me a little worried when you weren't home." Nick shifted uncomfortably. "I'm sorry. I don't want you to worry. I don't want--" He stopped, still not sure how to tell Natalie about his thoughts...how he didn't want to hurt her or anyone else ever again. Or no more than would happen regardless. She put a hand on his shoulder and upper back, her warm fingers lightly touching the skin above his shirt collar. She was attempting to comfort him and that was something he couldn't allow until after they talked. He quickly but gently snatched her hand away and down, but he didn't let go of it. Before he told her what he was constantly thinking, he had a question of his own he only had an assumed or guessed answer for. "If I left without telling you where I moved," he asked hypothetically, "would you try to find me?" Natalie was taken aback by the question, not sure where it was coming from. Nick would tell her where he moved, wouldn't he? She didn't plan to stop looking for a cure just because his time was up in Toronto, but then he had nearly left before. "Are you considering leaving and not--" "It's just a question. Would you go looking for me?" "If you didn't tell me where you went? If you just picked up and left one night? Vanished without a word?" She asked and received a nod. Now she really was worrying. "Nick--" "Please, I want to know what you would do." Natalie pursed her lips, then nodded. "Of course I'd look for you." "For how long?" "Until I found you," she told him evenly. He turned his head away from her again, and she took his chin and turned it back. "And I would find you. Eventually. Even if it took--" Nick pulled her hand back from his face, but only a couple of inches. Her answer was what he had assumed it would be. She would have to find him or at least what had happened to him. "You said we needed to talk. About us." Nick ever so slightly nodded. "Or I need to talk to you, at least, and--" He shut his eyes. "And you're not going to like it." Natalie set her jaw, angry. He was going to talk *to* her. She had expected a conversation, not a...a lecture. "What am I not going to like?" she started, trying to pull her hands free but failing. "Are you going to just up and leave?" "I don't think--" Nick muttered, but stopped short of a full sentence and just shook his head. "Are we...done?" Natalie asked, then watched panic course through Nick just before he let his hands drop and loosened his grip on hers. "Are we? Nick?" "I don't know," he whispered. "It depends on whether--" "Depends on what?" "--you are willing to put up with me after today." Some of Natalie's annoyance was replaced with confusion. Apparently whether or not they were done was her decision. Nick's eyes momentarily darted down to Natalie's chest. "I want to see how badly I cut you. May I?" Natalie hesitated, both because the cuts were covered and because she knew he would overreact when he pulled the band-aids back. But Natalie also knew he would just ask again or assume the worst if she refused, and she nodded. She then watched his expression go blank as he reached toward her blouse's buttons. He undid three, down to the top of her bust, and she knew he'd be able to see the edges of the bandages. She tensed as he pushed her shirt slightly to the side then gently peeled back the band-aids one at a time. He didn't react much to the first wound--the less severe one--but she saw a flash of angry gold as he unmasked the second. "I'm fine, Nick." Nick remained frozen, his gaze locked on one end of the second slice in her skin. The first wound was just a deep scratch, which is what he had expected, hoped. The second...it looked like his fang had fully penetrated then slid... He gently reattached the bandages and pulled her shirt back together. "Are you sure you don't need stitches?" "Yes, it'll be fine," she said as she rebuttoned her shirt. "Without stitches it might not heal as well, as nicely." "It'll heal fine." "It's more likely to scar," he protested. "I don't care if it scars, Nick." "But next time, if there is a next time, I might hurt you much worse. I might...I very well might kill you." Natalie swallowed. "I know. You know I know. I've already told you--" "If I kill you or hurt you worse than this, then the sun can have me," he half blurted out, his words barely louder than a whisper. Natalie had cut off to let Nick speak, and it took her a moment to untwist his last words. Now Nick's earlier question made horrible sense. He had wanted to know what she would do not if he 'left' but if he vanished...if he killed himself and did it without telling her. If he just ceased to be. Depending on how or where, she might find his ashes...or might find no trace of him at all. "Nick--" "Please, don't try to change my mind," he whispered with difficulty. "If I kill you or come close--" "It's not a solution, Nick, it's--" "Maybe not for mortal problems, but I'm tired of hurting those I care about, especially you." "Then bring me across...or have someone do it for you." Nick only felt mildly surprised at Natalie's suggestion. Obviously he wasn't the only vampire she had met, the only vampire she knew, and she had to know LaCroix would almost assuredly do as she asked. If this was simply a matter of him fearing killing her during the process, Natalie would probably already be a vampire by now. "And then what happens to you if this...feeling doesn't go away? You'll be damned to this hell, alone, or tied to my miserable moods." "So you'd rather leave me wondering what I did wrong, or if there was something--" Nick put his fingers to her lips, stopping her. "I'd rather you live, truly live, than..." Nick shook his head not able to say any of the thoughts that came to mind, but he managed, "I've already taken nearly six years from you, Nat." "You didn't take anything. I gave--" "Something I can never hope to repay." Now downright angry at him, Natalie asked, "So you're saying I've wasted the last six years?" "No," he quickly said. "No, not at all. Don't think that--" "But that's what you're implying, isn't it?" "No," he said again, shaking his head. "No, Natalie, you--" He gently touched the side of her face, but only for a moment. "You've done more for me than you know...so much more. The night we met, why we met...I don't think I ever told you that I had hoped to die that night. I knew it was a possibility when I--that I could have been injured in such a way that I would die." Natalie tensed. No, Nick hadn't told her, but it made sense. Nick had been quite self-deprecating when they had met, and like now he had been both angry and barely in control at times. "Instead, I woke up in the morgue. If you hadn't been in there...I wouldn't have stayed in Toronto. And it probably wouldn't have been the last time I got blown up. I had been becoming reckless over the decade before we met. If some fire or explosion didn't decimate me, then I probably would have been killed by another vampire by now. Probably LaCroix." He paused and nearly managed a smile. "You've helped me remember what it's like to live again, to have friends, to care about others. Even to risk loving another. But I can't even bear the thought of losing you, Nat. Or hurting you to the point I kill you." Natalie again began to relax a little as Nick's thoughts at least seemed to fit together. Or she hoped. His statement seemed to mainly apply if he killed her. "What if you don't kill me?" she asked. Nick's face contorted and he looked away. "I don't know what I'll do. But I don't want to hurt you, and there aren't many ways to ensure I don't." Natalie's heart sank. "So even if you don't kill me, you'll--" "I don't know what I will do!" Nick yelled, shifting in his seat, fighting against the urge to stand, pace, or leave. "I don't know," he repeated again, softly. "I really don't know, but I thought you should know...know that even if I don't physically hurt you again that I will still hurt you. And I thought you deserved to know how." Natalie watched him sit there, fidgety and uncomfortable. He hadn't made any comment on her suggestion to either bring her across himself or have some other vampire do it for him. Knowing that he seemed to be leaning toward ending his life just so he wouldn't, couldn't end hers...it made her even less nervous about the one easy fix that she saw...and Nick didn't seem to be objecting to as readily as expected. "Why not bring me across?" she asked. "And don't bother reiterating anything from the last few minutes. If I've helped you remember what it's like to really live again don't tell me I wouldn't be able to 'truly live' as a vampire." "I can't do it," he whispered. "I'd kill you." "Then ask LaCroix. He'd do it for you, wouldn't he?" Inside Nick panicked at how similar this conversation was becoming to the one he had with LaCroix less than a day before. "He's...offered," Nick admitted. "And I told him not to ask you." "Nick..." she said, her frustration clear in her tone. "He won't ask you, but if you went to him... I asked that he turn any requests down, and while he said he'd try... If you asked I'm pretty sure he'd do it. I won't tell you not to ask or stop you from asking him." Natalie wasn't sure what to say...or do. She was a bit shocked that he supposedly wasn't going to stop her from asking LaCroix, so much so that when Nick stood it took her a moment before she looked up at him. He looked, if possible, even worse, even more tired. Nick glanced at Natalie for a second at most; he looked away again seeing her shocked, blank expression. Yes, the confession of his thoughts had hurt her. "I should go home, give you space and time to decide." At his last word, Natalie stood and caught his arms as he started to turn away and make for the door. "Decide what?" Nick turned slightly back. "Decide whether or not you're willing to put up with me, or whether we're done." He tried to turn again, but Natalie still had hold of his arm. "Nat--" "It's after nine. You're not going anywhere," she said and pulled him, protesting, by the arm to her bedroom. "It's fine, Natalie. It'll take a little while to get home, but--" "No arguments, Nick." She turned him around and gave him a not-so-gentle shove down onto the corner of the bed. "You are staying right here." Natalie next pulled back the comforter, then rummaged in her dresser until she found a t-shirt she had borrowed from Nick on one of their impromptu movie nights from who knows when. She tossed the Toronto Police Department shirt on the turned back sheets without looking at Nick. She didn't even say anything, and then walked out of the room, pulling the door shut behind her. Natalie almost tripped over Sydney, who apparently had planned on bugging Nick some more. She bent over and picked him up, carrying him quickly off to the kitchen. "How about some breakfast?" she said absently while setting Sydney down on the counter. Reaching for Sydney's food bowl she found it wasn't where she usually put it by the sink after washing it. Closing her eyes she let out a breath, then pushed back from the counter. There, on the floor, by Sydney's water dish was his food dish. "Let me guess, Nick already fed you," she said with a sigh, upset...because Nick had managed to take away a simple task that might take her mind off him, but now it ended up doing the opposite. Either Sydney had meowed incessantly until Nick decided to try stopping the calls with food, or Nick had done the task on his own...for her. And that made her wonder who had 'made friends' first: Nick or Sydney? Given Nick's flat mood she figured Sydney had decided to not run off, hiss and swat at, or otherwise show dislike for him. She had gotten hints that Nick liked animals, pets, and knew the tension between the two wasn't really instigated by something one or the other had done. Nick, of course, would blame himself; while he hadn't done anything to purposely provoke Sydney, he knew Sydney disliked him because he was a vampire. A loud meow came from the counter as Natalie brought the dish to the sink to wash it. She ignored the call for attention, washed the dish, then set it back next to the sink where it belonged. Another meow, then Sydney walked under her arms, along the front of the sink, purring loudly as he did so. Natalie sighed. "You want fed again, don't you?" Sydney answered her with another loud meow and a curious glance toward her. "What, did Nick give you one of the ones you don't like as much?" she wondered out loud as she checked her trash. "Nope, your favourite," she muttered, sighing again. Then, both for something to do as well as because she knew Sydney would likely continue prodding her until she did so, Natalie pulled out another can of cat food--one of the less liked flavours--dried off Sydney's dish, put the second helping of food on it, and lowered it to the floor. Sydney jumped down immediately, but sniffed at it, looked up, and meowed again. "Don't look at me like that. You wanted it." She waited, and Sydney started eating. Then she absently went about making something, anything for herself. Problem was once she had something in the microwave she was stuck waiting...and her thoughts returned to Nick. Was he getting ready for bed? Or was he still sitting where she had left him, staring blankly ahead? Or was he trying to look out the window through the bright sunlight, consumed in his thoughts? What, exactly, was he thinking? How far ahead were his thoughts compared to what he told her? And then there was the lingering question of whether or not he was serious... Natalie slid roughly down the cabinets to the floor, forcing back her emotions. She couldn't let herself break down into tears; Nick would likely hear her. Of all her questions the last was the only one she knew the answer to: Yes, Nick was serious. That was clear in his behaviour and mood. And she had been his tipping point. Natalie wasn't sure how to feel. She was angry and frustrated, but also heartbroken that he would rather die himself than kill her. While his reasoning hinted at his other feelings and thoughts, specifically how much he cared about her, his reasoning of why he didn't want her to be brought over added more questions. He worried he would still want to die even if there was no longer any chance he would hurt her, and he worried she would be bothered by his moods. His second reason was...well, if she couldn't put up with his moods their relationship certainly wouldn't have progressed as far as it had...or even lasted as long as it had as a friendship. Was he afraid of not only him leaving her, but her leaving him? And his first reason...well, she didn't know one way or the other, but if she was willing to take the chance that he might leave her in some manner and he was okay with her becoming a vampire... Unless, of course, he wasn't okay with it and he was just feeding her excuses. She wouldn't put it past him. The microwave dinged announcing that her meal was ready, but Natalie didn't budge from where she sat on the floor. She was wondering what to do, but as minutes ticked by, a second at a time, she realised she had already made that choice. But now she had a new one: Did she or did she not go to LaCroix and either ask him to bring her over or...something. However much she disliked it, LaCroix was probably her best ally in keeping Nick alive--and alive she wanted to keep him until she could make him see sense again. But she also didn't want to tell LaCroix anything Nick hadn't told him himself unless it was necessary, and she worried Nick would become angry if she even talked to him and withdraw further from her...forget if she asked LaCroix to bring her across and he accepted. She had no idea how Nick would react if she abruptly showed up at his place as a vampire. Natalie started a little as Sydney tried to climb on her lap; she had pushed him unconsciously away, but noticed Sydney had emptied his bowl. With a sigh she reluctantly got up, picked up his dish, washed it again, then pulled out her own meal. She stared at it a moment, both thrilled and horrified at her random choice: Lasagne, which surely contained garlic. It was no longer piping hot, but despite having sat waiting for several minutes it was far from cold. Not particularly hungry, Natalie had to force herself to eat it. She picked at it with a fork, just standing there at the counter, until it was gone. The lasagne had taken her mind off Nick as she ate it, but he again became the focus of her thoughts. She also now had to actually decide what to do. She could simply sleep on the sofa in her work clothes and completely leave Nick alone; she could watch TV or something for an hour or two, then once Nick was hopefully asleep go into her bedroom to get something more comfortable; or she could forgo waiting and maybe even try to check on him more than to make sure he hadn't somehow snuck out or the like. After spending a couple of minutes trying to pick a course of action, Natalie closed her eyes. She couldn't and wouldn't just ignore him, even if that's perhaps what he wanted. He had trusted her enough to tell her his thoughts and figured she'd be upset enough that he had been willing to, perhaps, even planned to return to his home ducking sunlight along the way. While she was upset, Natalie suspected that this was one time yelling at him definitely wouldn't help. It wouldn't change Nick's thoughts and it wouldn't make her feel any better. She supposed she should be grateful Nick had told her at all rather than leave her wonder, even though apparently it had crossed his mind. Walking slowly back to the bedroom, Natalie paused at the door for a moment, and then carefully opened the door. The room was brighter than it should be, the curtains not quite closed. Nick had looked out, or tried to, or possibly purposely burnt his fingers as she had seen him do before. Her eyes then darted to the bed, where she found Nick lying on his side facing her, eyes closed. He had changed into the t-shirt she had put out and was holding the comforter's corner tightly to his chest. Quietly entering the room, Natalie resisted her want to walk forward and try to talk some more. First she wanted to get ready for bed; she didn't particularly want to sleep in her work clothes. Natalie turned away from Nick for a moment to grab something to change into. As she did this she heard movement, and when she looked over her shoulder she saw Nick had turned so that he now lay on his stomach and he had turned his head to look at the far corner. Natalie stared at him for a moment, then left the room again as silently as she could. Natalie then relaxed again as she busied herself with taking care of herself with something resembling her normal morning routine. But then, having stripped off all her clothes and changed into a lightweight sleep-shirt, Natalie found herself staring in the mirror, hesitating to leave the bathroom. She picked at the hem of the shirt, worrying she should have grabbed more than just the shirt. She also worried Nick would push her away either literally or tell her not to be near him. Eventually she decided she might as well try, and she again carefully entered her bedroom. She first walked to the window and shut the curtains so that no light entered the room. Then she went to the side of the bed, where she pushed the covers over slightly as she sat gingerly on the bed's edge. "Is it all right if I sleep in here with you?" she asked, leaning over slightly. After several seconds of silence, she said his name, but that did nothing. He didn't reply or turn, but she had felt the mattress move slightly and knew he was still awake. Natalie slowly slid under the covers and lay down on her side, propped up on her elbow. "If you want or need me to either sleep on the sofa or leave, just let me know, okay Nick?" Still he didn't answer her, and Natalie just waited at first, hoping he would say or do something. At least he hadn't already told her to leave, but she knew he might in a moment...as she moved nearer and slid her hand along his upper back. She felt him tense and squirm, but she leaned over him and rest her head, neck curled, just below his neck, and she found Nick's hand and put hers on top of it. Then she closed her eyes and waited, hoping Nick would relax. It took several minutes, but eventually he released the tension in his back and arms. She turned her head to quickly kiss the back of his neck...even though she'd much rather give him a good whack to the side of his head instead. Keeping her lips hovering just above his neck, Natalie told him, "I know that if you kill me there is nothing I can do about what you might decide to do in turn, but if you don't I will do anything I can to keep from losing you. You know that, right?" She hoped for perhaps a whisper or at least a nod, but once again he didn't respond in the slightest. His lack of reaction was starting to really, really worry her. She wished he'd answer; while he might have told her his thoughts, she wanted him to understand her side as well. "Nick, if there is anything I can do to help...I want you to tell me. I know talking to me this morning probably wasn't the easiest decision, and while I don't agree with your reasons..." Natalie paused, feeling Nick tense again. "I don't need time to decide whether or not I'm willing to 'put up with you'. I love you and nothing you say or threaten to do will change that. Please don't shut me out." Nick just lay there, tensed and half pinned down. He wished there was something he could say, but everything he thought of seemed false, hollow, and inadequate. Even holding back his emotions was becoming tenuous, and despite Natalie's seeming willingness to listen, the thought of her knowing how torn his thoughts and emotions were made him worry he would now hurt her even more than if he hadn't divulged them to her. After a couple more minutes had passed, Natalie closed her eyes and bowed her head slightly until her forehead gently rest against his hair. Not sure whether or not Nick would be there when she woke, or if he would talk to her any even if he was, she asked, "Nick, if-- What if I did ask LaCroix to bring me across? And what if he did it? Would you be upset that-- Would you hate me?" Natalie's last words strained their way out; she feared he would hate her almost as much as she feared he would again not answer. This time, however, Nick immediately shifted, attempting to turn to face Natalie. At first he couldn't without forcing her away, but after a moment she rolled off him which allowed him to turn. Through the dim light Nick instantly recognised the fear on her face. He gently touched her cheek, making sure she couldn't look away as he whispered, "I could never hate you, Natalie. Never, no matter what you might do." "And, ah, what about LaCroix?" she tentatively asked. "I know your relationship with him is...complicated. If he--I don't want to make that worse." "If you're asking if I'll hate him for bringing you over despite asking that he not..." Nick paused, debating a moment before shaking his head. "I won't; it shouldn't make anything worse, or if it does it's my fault. It's your choice, your decision whether to ask; I shouldn't have requested he go against any choice you might make." Natalie relaxed a little, his admission of wrongdoing made her not particularly care that he had told LaCroix not to bring her across if she asked. While at least at the moment she didn't plan to go running to Nick's...well, father, she now at least knew Nick's rough thoughts if she did. She disliked his comment that it would be his fault, however, and told him, "If him turning me causes issues...Nick, it won't be your fault. Stop blaming yourself for this...for complicating us...it's not your fault." She watched as he seemed to shut down again, although it was difficult to tell for certain that's what was happening in the low light. "Is it okay if I sleep here?" Natalie asked again. "I can always sleep on the sofa, or if I need to change..." Nick's gaze drifted from Natalie as he considered her question. Only now did it hit him that Natalie only had a shirt on, her warm knees and upper thighs just touching his. But her warmth didn't push him over the edge like it had a mere day before. "It's fine," he answered. "I think you'll be fine." Now Natalie pursed her lips; just because he thought it would be all right didn't mean he was necessarily comfortable with her there. "Do you want me to stay here with you? Yes or no." "Yes," Nick replied before she had even quite finished her question. Then, less desperate-sounding, he answered, "Yes, I'd like that." Nick bowed his head, and after a moment felt Natalie rest her head right up next to his. He smiled, closed his eyes, and pulled her closer, basking in her scent that her warm skin so close seemed to amplify. He hadn't felt so relaxed, calm, and safe since...he had no idea when. Broken Lies - (22/42) Natalie stared over at the entrance to the Raven on her day off, a couple of nights after she and Nick had talked. She had actually been on her way to the 96th to drop in for a few minutes, something she had been trying to do at least once every night. Exactly why she had driven to the club instead, Natalie had no idea. After Nick had pretty thoroughly spilt his thoughts, somehow he had seemed less distracted. That day she was fairly certain Nick hadn't had one single nightmare, and he had let her stay over at his place in his bed the next two days, which to her had seemed to be nightmare-free as well. He also seemed all right near her, even with quite a bit of their skin touching. But that came with trade-offs. While she could get him to smile a little easier than a few days before, he put distance between them as much as he could, and didn't let himself be carried away by his wants; about when she had come to expect him to change, he would push her away or otherwise put any slight intimacy to a halt. What concerned Natalie the most was that Nick appeared to be getting visibly weaker. He didn't just have an exhausted air about him, but two or three times now she had caught him looking lightheaded...and that was just during the few hours per day when she could observe him, and most of that time he was just sitting. Nick hadn't, that she was aware, taken any blood from the morgue, nor did she think he had been going by the club before, during, or after work. She'd try to get him to drink something, one of her shakes even, but she had a feeling he'd just refuse and it'd remind him of his search for a cure...that he seemed to have at least momentarily given up on. She didn't know what happened when a vampire starved. Asking Nick was out because for one he didn't know--she had asked long ago--and for another she didn't think asking would help his mood any. The only other person she knew of that might know the answer was LaCroix. LaCroix was also the only other person Nick just might talk to, listen even vaguely to, other than herself, that knew the whole story. Now that she had thought more about this, perhaps this is why she came? But Natalie had also decided she would only talk to LaCroix if it was absolutely necessary; in other words, if she felt Nick might go through with his thoughts. As of right now, mentally, Nick seemed to be plateauing, perhaps even getting slightly better. If she spoke to LaCroix and he then criticised Nick, Natalie knew that could push him away and ruin any progress. Natalie hadn't even turned her car's engine off, knowing she wouldn't go in. She had just stopped across the street to collect her thoughts. Now that she had, Natalie pulled her car out onto the road again, resuming her plan of driving to the 96th to drop in on Nick. Arriving at her real destination several minutes later, Natalie sat in her car for a few minutes. Both Nick's and Tracy's cars were in the lot, so hopefully Nick would be there. She had the vague impression Nick hadn't been wandering off quite as often the last couple of nights, but she hadn't said anything to him about coming by the precinct that night or when she might do that. Once again hoping to herself that Nick would be there, Natalie started toward the doors, trying to look less worried than she was. Inside, Natalie immediately focused in on Nick and Tracy's desks. Both detectives were present; Nick looked uncannily like he had a headache, and Tracy obviously noticed and was concerned, but was pretending all was well...or, well, was trying hard to look busy with her own work. Natalie forced a smile and walked up behind Nick, where she put her hands firmly on his shoulders. Slightly startled, Nick tensed then relaxed as hands squeezed his shoulders, thumbs massaging the back of his neck. He sat back in his chair and leaned his head back to find Natalie smiling down on him. "Nat, what are you--" he started, puzzled. "I thought I'd come visit for a bit." "It's your day off. You should be at home, or--" "Or doing something I want to do, which is visiting you." Natalie caught a slight smile before he bowed his head. She leaned down, putting more pressure on his shoulders. "I'd ask how it's going, but..." "It's not." Tracy looked askance at Nick and Natalie; she felt a bit uncomfortable watching them for some reason, even though Natalie's actions weren't all that out of place. Her behaviour was perfectly acceptable as a good friend, and the more she watched them the more she thought of a married couple. Now that her thoughts had been jolted off work by those near envy-inducing thoughts, Tracy also sat back in her chair, thinking that maybe she should leave for a bit. "Er, Nick?" she called, catching her attention. "I'm gonna go get something to eat. If that's okay." Nick nodded. "That's fine." Tracy then turned her gaze to Natalie. "Do you want anything?" "Ah, no, that's--" Almost immediately Natalie changed her mind. She *was* a bit hungry, and it would give her a reason to stay at least until Tracy returned and maybe even a bit longer as she ate. "Actually, yes. Anything is fine as long as it's recognisable." She then kept her eyes on the other woman while Tracy fumbled to get her things and hesitantly left. Turning back to Nick she asked, "Should I ask what, exactly, is causing the headache? And I guess what the headache actually is..." "Everything. And everything, including, I think, an actual headache. I'll be fine." Natalie moved from behind Nick to the side of his desk. "How far behind are you?" "Weeks," Nick muttered, not meeting Natalie's eyes. "I can't concentrate with...I can't concentrate here." Natalie just closed her eyes, dropped her head for a second, and gave a few quick nods. The main reason Nick couldn't concentrate at the precinct was probably Tracy. That, and whether or not he wanted blood, between staying under the precinct lights all night of late and all the activity, he probably needed it and at least subconsciously thought about it. That might even be the bigger distraction. "I know I should just work on it at home, but..." When Nick didn't finish his sentence, she added, "But you can't concentrate there, either." "Or I don't want to," Nick added, meeting Natalie's gaze for a moment, knowing she'd get his meaning. "I wouldn't mind if you worked on that while I'm there. I'll even help if I can." Nick smiled rather brightly at the offer. "Maybe. If I can't get anywhere on it in the next night or two, then I'll...I'll bring some home." "Hmm," Natalie commented as she walked around the desks until she was to the other side, where she then sat in Tracy's chair. "I bet your partner would like that." "Probably. I think Reese would like it more--Tracy hasn't managed to get much done herself." Nick nearly smiled at that, but it vanished; she couldn't concentrate on work because she was concerned about him. His eyes again settled on Natalie, and his lips tweaked into a grin. It was a bit strange seeing Natalie across the desks; strange, but nice. "You're going to sit there and watch me work until Tracy gets back," he stated. "Or watch me try to work." "Yep. Unless you're in a talkative mood..." Natalie watched as Nick's smile faltered, and then he dropped his attention to his desk. Yep, not in a talkative mood, and Natalie's gaze dropped as well. After several minutes of watching Nick struggle to concentrate out of the corner of her eye, again looking like he had a nasty headache, Natalie started fiddling with items within reach. At first she had quietly poked a pen...until she saw something far more interesting: A rubber band. Initially Natalie just stretched it in her hand as something to do. Then, after making sure Nick was ignoring her, she quickly shot it at him. Nick jerked as something hit him in the chest, a beige ring landing by his hand. Looking up, he found a sheepishly smiling Natalie, at which he also smiled. His expression twisted into a smirk as he shot the rubber band back across the desks. The rubber band stopped half way across Tracy's desk, short of its target. Natalie snatched it up and shot it back, this time hitting Nick in the face, the rubber band then falling out of sight. Nick didn't immediately retrieve it from the floor, instead grinning a bit mischievously at Natalie. Then, when he did bend over to pick it up off the floor he shot it back hastily. He winced as it zoomed well past Natalie. Turning, Natalie saw the rubber band near another set of desks. She also noticed eyes were on them, including Reese's. Despite this she started to stand to retrieve it. "Nat--" Nick started, but it was too late. As she sat back down he half hissed, "We're going to get called into the office." "For one, I don't care. For another, if Reese was going to I think he'd have already done that a moment ago." Nick unconsciously turned toward the captain's office and found Reese smiling with amusement and shaking his head. "Come on, try again. And try to actually hit your target," Natalie said as she shot it back at him, again hitting his chest. Nick snatched the rubber band as it fell and quickly put it in a drawer. "Aww, Nick..." "I'm definitely not going to get any work done if we're...playing games." "And technically it's your lunch...whatever." "Which we more or less work through," Nick reminded, but to be honest a break sounded good, and he leaned back in his chair. For a couple of minutes they both sat quietly, then Nick watched as Natalie pulled open one of Tracy's desk drawers. "Nat--" "I'm not snooping," she said closing the first drawer she had opened, a side drawer. "Besides, she's probably looked through *your* desk drawers," Natalie added, pulling open the centre drawer and scanning the contents. "Aha." There in the corner was a small, neatly wrapped rubber band ball, and she snatched it up and shut the drawer. Nick watched as Natalie slowly took off the outer most band, setting the remainder on the desk in front of her. Then, in a moment, he had another rubber band shot at him. Like Natalie's three previous tries, again she easily hit him. He put this one immediately with the first one. "You do know I'm going to send you another one, right?" Natalie asked, even as Nick continued to smile at her. "And I'm not going to be the one to rewrap these," she added, undoing another pink one from the ball. She let go of the ball and then gently tugged at the rubber band a few times before shooting it at Nick. Nick caught the rubber band before it fell, but this time he looked down at it as he gently stretched it in his hand. Then, checking to make sure Reese wasn't looking, Nick sent it back across the desks. This time he had taken a little extra time, and with taking into account his previous failed attempts he easily hit Natalie in the shoulder. They sent the rubber band sailing back and forth several times, and Nick stopped checking to see if they were being watched. Returning, Tracy slowed as she approached, both not wanting to be the cause of Nick's good mood vanishing and noticing her rubber band ball was out. Her worry that Natalie might have seen the old case files of Nick's outweighed her amusement of seeing her partner shooting rubber bands, which was even more so when taking into account that he was a vampire. Tracy resumed her approach as normal and set a food bag on the corner of her desk. Natalie sheepishly wrapped their impromptu game piece back where it came from and put the rubber band ball back in Tracy's drawer. "Good idea," Tracy said, watching out of the corner of her eyes as Reese went back into his office. "I think Reese was about to say something." Nick's eyes darted back toward the Captain's office, but Reese must have gone back in when they had stopped. Feeling a bit awkward, Tracy waved toward the bag. "I don't know what you prefer; there's a grilled chicken burger and spicy chicken pieces." Natalie pulled out the items and held up a container of breaded and fried chicken tenders. Tracy had gotten one healthier option and one not so healthy one. "Either is fine; I'll take these unless you really want them?" When Tracy shook her head, Natalie stood and moved to a less comfortable chair next to Nick's desk, and put her food on the corner of his desk. Tracy sat and watched Nick's reaction to Natalie's meal--an odd mix of curiosity like he'd never seen it before and disgust. Almost immediately his expression became neutral, however, and she ate her own meal. Broken Lies - (23/42) Natalie stared, frustrated, at Nick's back as he slept. She was once again beginning to really worry about him. While his nightmares hadn't returned and he had brought some of his work home as she had suggested, he seemed to be sleeping ever more of his days away. He was often asleep before the sun came up, and so his paperwork had barely been touched. Natalie was fairly certain the reason Nick had been sleeping more was because he hadn't--that she was aware--had any blood the last week and a half if not longer...not since the night he had told her his thoughts, how he felt and what he actually worried about. His cutting back was definitely taking a toll, and she was again considering going to the Raven to have a chat with LaCroix...even though the prospect of doing so frightened her a bit. But that wasn't what frustrated her...that had more to do with Nick himself. She had been staying at Nick's every day, and sleeping next to him every day as well. And every single day he seemed to pull away from her more. First they had lain facing one another, their bodies rather entangled. Then, day by day, Nick had rolled onto his back, then turned just his head away, then just his body, and then both with his arm still beneath her. Then, a couple of days ago, he had turned fully away onto his side, so that to be near him she had to hold him from behind. Finally, today, he had not only turned away, but put space between them. When she then tried to hold him as she had the previous two days, he had shrugged her off and distanced himself again...and again until he lay at the edge of the bed and she had given up. Natalie had had to force herself not to cry when he had done that. Or leave. Only her want to stay near Nick and be there for him as much as she could kept her from going downstairs or to her car...even for a few minutes. Noon had come and gone, but Natalie hadn't been able to sleep. She was worried about Nick and had been trying to decide what to do. The more she thought, the more she had the horrible feeling Nick was going to pull away from her even while they were awake, perhaps even when they were working. And while their relationship had become closer, she felt Nick had gotten the short straw. The one time they had really pushed things, Nick had done the pleasuring...which wasn't how she had wanted that to go. She had wanted their relationship to be equal. And it would have been if they had tried again. Natalie knew she could fix that, balance things back out, but that in doing so he could kill her...or cut her off and end up killing himself. Until today it had been that last possibility that kept her from even trying to do something for him. But now, with him distancing himself from her so that she couldn't even hold him as he slept, forget that that's about all he did beyond go to work, she worried he'd continue to do so...and end his life to prevent hurting her any more than he believed he already had. She no longer felt she had much of anything to lose. Cautiously, watching and feeling for any twitch from Nick, Natalie slowly inched herself closer until the fronts of her bare legs bumped up against the backs of Nick's. Then she paused, but Nick didn't wake or shift. Next, she carefully slipped her right hand around Nick's waist and under Nick's shirt, pulling him ever increasingly back toward her. Nick suddenly woke, and he immediately started to pull Natalie's warm hand from his skin and curled up slightly so neither their legs touched nor Natalie's lips could brush against his neck. "Please, Nick," Natalie whispered as she tried to continue to hold onto Nick. "Please don't do this. Don't push me away." At first Nick continued to shift. After it became apparent that Natalie didn't plan on letting go easily this time, Nick relaxed, settling back against Natalie a few minutes later. To be honest, he wanted to feel her next to him like this. He had only pushed her away because her warmth was inciting his hunger, and not in a pleasurable way. Already her blood had once again begun to tempt him. For some time after Nick had calmed, Natalie just held him. Now they were both awake, and she feared she would chicken out on her plan. It didn't help that she generally wasn't one to push things like this abruptly forward...forget that she knew Nick would resist out of fear he'd hurt her. She closed her eyes and tried to calm her worry about what Nick's reaction might be, then she gently, lightly slid her hand down Nick's torso, his abdomen, then finally slipped her fingers under the band of his boxers. Nick snatched the wandering hand with his and tried to pull it away, but Natalie resisted him. "Nat--" "I'm safely out of the way. You won't hurt me with me behind you," she reasoned, pausing to let her words sink in. "Please, let me do this. I know we can't be together like you want, like I want, but we can get close. You've already proved that." Nick shut his eyes tight, thinking about the risks. As Natalie noted, she would probably be safe if she stayed behind him. He didn't know for sure as what she wanted to do wasn't something he had really done. He either went all in or forced himself to abstain... It was no different now. Either he let Natalie do as she wished, or he told her to leave now rather than later. Natalie could tell Nick wasn't relaxing, and she told him, "It's okay if you don't want me to do this. We can just go back to sleep." She waited a moment, and after getting only silence as an answer she began to relax herself and tried to settle in behind him. It didn't work well, as now she was trying to pull her hand away from Nick's, but Nick was holding her hand firmly in place. "Nick?" "If I tell you to go--" "I'll go," she quickly answered. "This will be a little new for me," he admitted. Immediately Natalie became a bit confused. "What do you mean, new?" "Just that." "You're not--" "Vampires don't...dawdle much along the way. Sometimes it's just about the blood...especially when that blood is warm and calling." Natalie nearly asked for a more specific answer, but after a moment his meaning made more sense. With vampires, taking another's blood was rather sexual, and she had a feeling anything short of that, or intercourse leading to that, didn't really count. And while bringing Nick to climax by her hand wouldn't be sex per se, with her warmth and blood so close... "If you think it will be too much..." "I don't know if it would be or not. Like I said, it's not exactly something I've done, particularly with someone I care about, someone...someone I could kill." Natalie rested the side of her face on the back of Nick's neck. "Again, it's okay if--" "No," Nick quietly replied. "It's not okay." "It's okay with *me*," Natalie clarified. Nick closed his eyes tight. Everything--well, almost everything--seemed 'okay' with Natalie lately. She knew the risks of staying with him every day, and yet she only seemed to care about him. And now she wanted to do something for him...and he wanted to let her even with the danger. "Do what you planned." After all of Nick's hesitation, Natalie was a bit surprised. "Are you sure?" "Yes," Nick whispered. He closed his eyes and tensed even though Natalie hadn't yet shifted or moved her hand in the slightest. Natalie hesitated, feeling a bit weird after having asked permission. Despite Nick's answer, she wasn't sure he was really okay, or more specifically comfortable, with her doing this. Then, feeling Nick's hand move off and away from hers, Natalie slowly and gently skimmed her fingers along his skin. This time she paused at the waistband of his boxers, but beyond feeling his abdomen clench and relax, Nick didn't otherwise react. She supposed that meant he was ready, or at least semi-prepared. She, however, continued feeling like chickening out, but as Nick leaned his head back she remembered she wasn't just doing this for herself, but for Nick. Waiting, Nick's fingers clutched his pillow and the edge of the bed. Even Natalie's hot fingers on his abdomen aroused him, but he tried to focus. He wanted this to last more than a couple or few minutes. His fangs descended as Natalie's fingers slid lower, well before they brushed his near erection. She didn't grasp him, instead teasing him with quick, light touches. Within moments he became fully aroused, the split-second flicks of hot flesh almost unbearable. Then, as Natalie's hand fully enveloped his erection slowly, with a light grip, she began to stroke him, sliding his foreskin along with her palm. Her ministrations were excruciatingly pleasurable; practically like intercourse, and he knew he wouldn't last long. As he felt his control slipping, Nick turned toward his nearer arm and bit into the underside of his wrist with difficulty until his other hand could twist and steady his arm as he fed. The blood did almost nothing; it wasn't what he wanted or needed. It wasn't even enough, quite, to reach orgasm, although his muscles seized up and his body curled up slightly as he drank his unsatisfying blood. Natalie had halted her stroking when Nick had shifted and sank his teeth into his own arm. He seemed to be trembling ever so faintly, and the way his body had contracted she had the impression he was somehow in pain...not pleasure. As he began to calm and his muscles relaxed, Natalie shifted to lean over him slightly, supporting herself on one elbow as she tried to gently roll Nick onto his back. Nick, still suckling his wounds, couldn't resist as Natalie tugged on his arm to roll him back toward her. In the near blackness he could see clear concern, and he let his hands fall away. Then he reached up to her face with his wounded hand in an attempt to silently comfort her. Next thing he knew Natalie had leaned further over him and kissed him deeply on the mouth. Then he again felt her hand grope for his still-present erection and resume her ministrations. He was paralysed with pleasure. However much he knew the acute danger Natalie was now in, all Nick could manage to do was to lean back and close his eyes. Natalie had to break off the kiss with Nick's reaction, and she unconsciously licked drops of Nick's blood from her lips as she did so. Nick's hands grasped desperately at her, forcing her to pause. As she did so, Natalie caught glints of red shining on Nick's lower lip; his fangs had likely sliced into his lip. He wasn't in control and she knew she should stop, should leave, but she didn't want to leave him this way. She also suspected Nick wouldn't allow this again...he might even push her away for good as it was. The only chance, the only reason he might not was if he couldn't hurt her, and while risky, she didn't think he'd drain her to the point he couldn't bring her across. She leaned back over Nick and kissed his neck, hers hovering tantalisingly over his mouth. When he could take no more he would have no choice but to feed from her. Nick managed to hold back a few minutes, but eventually Natalie's nearby blood became too much to resist. Instinct led him, and he bit into her offered neck. Natalie closed her eyes and clenched her jaw at the pain, determined not to cry out in any way. After a moment the pain dulled, and suddenly reality was blurred as Natalie felt a hint of how erotic and sexual just taking blood was for a vampire. She could practically feel what he felt as he reached release through her blood, and even if she wanted to push Nick away her mind was now far too occupied with what seemed like flashes of Nick's memories...which only amplified how she felt. Then, suddenly, she felt pain again as Nick stopped feeding and she let out a gasp as he crushed her against him. The moment Nick realised what he had done he had stopped himself and then twisted his right arm up and bit into it. Between Natalie's blood and his own, this time he felt sweet relief. Ceasing feeding, he continued to hold Natalie's warm body tightly against his. At first he wasn't sure whether he had killed her or not; he had no idea how long he had fed from her, and she wasn't pushing against him. Hearing and feeling her strong, steady heartbeat he turned his head to kiss her cheek, but she had turned as well and kissed him on his mouth first. He returned the deep kiss with no fear of harming her as a result; his thrill that he hadn't killed her banished his uncontrollable desire. Then, suddenly, he froze and pushed Natalie back. His eyes darted to the sweet scented blood on her lips, and then he shut his eyes tight in horror. How much of his blood had she tasted between the two kisses? How much of his blood touched her wounds? Had he tainted her with what he was, doomed her to hate him on a far deeper level than he had hereto considered possible? Natalie felt confused as Nick pushed her back, then moved away from her. "Nick, I'm fine." She reached out toward him, but Nick swatted her hand back hard, making her stiffen. "Nick?" she whispered then waited for some comment, but nothing. Natalie shifted, twisting to turn on the light. Turning back she found Nick backed up to the far edge of the bed, the comforter flattened to the mattress between them, and blood smeared on the underside of both of his wrists and the back of one hand. Nick's expression seemed to be a mix of shock and horror. She scooted slowly back toward him, careful not to reach out toward him again, not yet. "It's okay," she reassured. "I'm okay." Looking at Natalie Nick didn't think she looked all right at all. Blood clung to her lips, and her neck still bled where he had bitten her, staining the collar and shoulder of her shirt bright red. She looked slightly feral, but he was unsure if it was real or his imagination. Regardless, he felt ill and turned down and away not wanting her to see. "You should go," he whispered, neither looking at her nor shifting in the slightest. Natalie smiled sadly as she nodded. She had known she would have to leave. If she stayed now after he asked her to go, he'd only have reason not to allow her to stay again or perhaps even come over. Quickly, Natalie leaned forward, and she managed to kiss his cheek before he jerked back. She pursed her lips before again telling him. "I'm fine, okay? I'll drop by tonight before work." She waited for an acknowledgement, but nothing; not that she had really expected one with his relative silence of late. Reluctantly she moved back, scooted to the edge of the bed, got up, and finally left the room after glancing back at Nick one last time. But there was nothing she could really do for him, and she slipped through the door and headed downstairs. Today, unlike the last time Nick told her to leave, as he seemed in control she went to retrieve her clothes from the bathroom. She had planned to just quickly pull on her skirt so she had semi-proper clothes on this time upon returning to her apartment building, but she froze seeing her reflection above the sink. Her lips were a blotchy, bloody red. Then there was her bloody neck. It looked awful and the wounds hadn't yet clotted. Immediately she changed her plan and after shutting the door she first rinsed her face and lips off, then carefully removed her stained sleep-shirt. She then washed the blood from her neck and the stinging wounds. Blood instantly welled back up in the punctures, and Natalie rummaged in the drawers until she found a couple of band-aids, which she absently placed over the wounds for the time being so she wouldn't bleed on her work clothes. She quickly rinsed out the washcloth she had used as well as she could, cleaned any visible blood out of the sink, and then slowly dressed. She didn't want to leave. What was Nick thinking? Would he be all right after she left? Natalie stalled as long as she could, even carefully folding and rolling her blood-stained shirt. She had needed to do it twice; there were still damp blood stains on the back and sides of her shirt, and she had needed to fold it differently before rolling it up. She stared at the shirt for a few seconds, then resignedly left the bathroom with her things. She glanced up toward Nick's room. The door was shut tight, confirming her suspicion that Nick wanted to be alone. There was nothing she could do to help or assure him; going home and making sure she would suffer no obvious ill effects from Nick feeding from her was probably the best she could do for him, and she left. Broken Lies - (24/42) Late that afternoon, only a few short hours after leaving, Natalie returned to Nick's. She had her medical bag in hand so that Nick could see for himself that she was perfectly fine--and check her temperature, pulse, heart, and blood pressure to show that she wasn't lying. Well, her blood pressure was a bit high, but she suspected that was due to not getting any sleep that day and because she was worried half to death. She figured high would be a good thing...Nick would pick on it being low for sure. Problem was, once she got to the loft she hit a snag. First she had buzzed up, but with the time she hadn't been surprised when Nick didn't let her in. Then she punched in the alarm code as usual, only to find it wasn't working. She tried again, but no better luck... Nick seemed to have changed it. Natalie hit the intercom again, asking him to please let her up. She waited, but again no response. "Fine," she muttered to herself and pulled out her keys. Nick had changed the alarm code, but she seriously doubted he had changed the lock on the stairwell doors. Heading to it, she grinned as it unlocked on the first try, and she started up the stairs with mixed emotions. After a pause to focus her thoughts before pulling the door to the loft open, Natalie turned the knob and...it barely budged. The door was locked. Nick never looked this door, not that she was aware, but now it was...and she didn't have a key. Nick had made sure she couldn't get in. Half angry and half horrified, Natalie wasn't sure whether kicking at the door or turning to leave before she started to cry was more likely or the better option. She settled for something in-between and leaned on the door, resting her forehead on the cool, smooth surface. She had known Nick would eventually try pushing her out of his life, but she didn't expect him to do it this easily, this quickly. Even when he had nearly left a few months before he hadn't locked her out or changed the alarm code. She had thought that by coming by as early in the evening as she could that she would have been able to at least talk to Nick, perhaps convince him not to cut her out...but now she was worried she might not get the chance to do so at all. Would he resign tonight at the start of his shift? If he did... Natalie halted her thoughts before she considered the worst. Speculating was useless. Just because he locked her out didn't mean he wouldn't let her in, or that he would resign from his job right away. It was quite early, the sun still up, only late afternoon...only about four hours had passed since she left, if that. With the way Nick had been sleeping lately, he might not even have heard her. "Nick," she said, somewhat softly, her voice as calm as she could manage, "I don't know if you're awake, or if you can hear me, but I wanted you to know I'm fine. I thought we might be able to talk...or that you might want to, or at least see for yourself that I'm fine." She paused, trying to avoid saying anything that might hint at her anger from being locked out. "I'll always listen, but I think you know that. You know where to find me if you need or want to talk. I don't want you to push everyone away. I'll try to drop by the precinct for a bit tonight, and if not I'll come by tomorrow night." Natalie waited a moment, and after the expected silence started to pull away. As she did so, she thought she felt the door slightly shift against her. "Nick?" On the other side of the door, Nick had slid down against it. He had heard everything Natalie had said. It was tempting to open the door and let her in, but he was afraid. The possibility that his blood had somehow tainted her frightened him. And she would want to know what he was going to do...and he didn't have an answer beyond that he couldn't bear to hurt her a third time. As it was he had nearly killed her today. If he tasted her blood again, her loving, caring blood, he knew he would take it all. Even now, with the door between them, it called to him. He feared being alone in the same room with her. "Nick?" Natalie called again, her tone hopeful. "If you're there, please just let me know if--just say something so that I know you're okay. We can talk later if you don't feel like it now, or even just sit..." Nick leaned his head back against the door, closed his eyes, and tried not to make any further noise or movement. She couldn't know for certain she had heard anything, and while her suggestion to simply sit was quite enticing, Nick doubted that would last more than a minute or two. She would try to comfort him and then he'd give in to his desires. He heard his name said yet again, this time in a whisper, and heard Natalie slide down against the door to sit as well. It was agonising with her so close, but she was safe...probably anxious or even angry if her strong, quick pulse was any indication, but alive and safe. In the end he didn't reply to Natalie's pleas because he feared she would then leave once she knew he was there. Over half an hour passed before Natalie finally did just that. Immediately Nick felt an odd void as he realised they might not ever get to spend any more time together...not really. While he had enjoyed the pseudo-closeness of the last half-hour, he now dreaded running into Natalie at work. He didn't know if even the busy station would keep her safe. Despite that Natalie had left, he could still almost smell her scent, her blood near the door, which itself still felt slightly warm. Nick bowed his head as he kept his eyes shut tight. He really didn't know what he would now do. After Natalie had left earlier, after he had bitten her, he had made a hopeless attempt to pack some of his things. The only item he had managed to pick up--a priceless piece of Egyptian pottery--he had subsequently sent flying into the wall. The crate he had pulled out sat empty, his desire to do something, anything, instantly quelled as clay shards scattered...and he had thought of Natalie. Then he had changed the alarm code and locked the door for the stairs. He still hadn't cleaned the mess up; he knew Natalie would be horrified if she knew what he'd done in anger and frustration and knew he'd think of her as he swept up the pieces. Every trivial thing he did seemed to make him think of her, especially since he had seriously started considering ending his life. He made an even more flailing attempt at that today as well, but that just confirmed what he already knew: His ingrained sense of self-preservation was so strong that even with really wanting to end this and put a stop to the agonising conflict over what to do...he could only endure a few seconds of burning hot sunlight before he moved to safety. It always stopped him, and now appeared to be no exception. He wished Janette was still in Toronto, or at least wished he knew how to contact her. Janette would listen and give her advice without judgement...not that it would be much different than LaCroix' or Natalie's. In fact, it would be somewhere in the middle...he suspected she'd at least lean toward having Natalie brought across...unlike LaCroix, who more just pressured him to choose *something*, or Natalie, who wanted him to turn her...Janette would remind him that it wasn't his choice, but if he told her about his darker thoughts she at least wouldn't tell him he was being foolish in considering death...or at least not quite like LaCroix or Natalie. He didn't really have anyone else. Tracy didn't know the truth about him--about his past and his current feelings of conflict--and so any advice she'd have would be misguided. Schanke wouldn't have needed the truth to give his thoughts, but suspected his opinion would be the same: Pick Natalie as a vampire over death. But that was the problem. He had already chosen Natalie. He had decided not to stop her from asking LaCroix to bring her over, but as long as she remained mortal he couldn't help but think of other options. He didn't want Natalie to hate what she had become. At first, she would probably be fine with it, but what would happen when she killed? And she would, eventually, assuming LaCroix didn't half-force her. And he didn't want Natalie to have the same always lingering anger at him that he had for LaCroix. If he were gone, she still had a chance at a normal, vampire-free life...a life free of his seemingly ever-spreading evil. Standing, Nick was torn between making another feeble attempt to pack, cleaning up the shattered pottery, or just getting ready for work, and he began to pace, burning off nervous energy he didn't really have to spare. About all that remained was growing anger at himself for letting Natalie get so close and care too much about him. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. When Natalie dropped by the precinct to check on Nick, he hadn't been at his desk. According to Tracy, however, Nick had just left, probably the moment she had arrived. Tracy had then apologised and asked if she could pass along a message, and Natalie had declined. Having Tracy try and confront Nick would probably make Nick worse. He might quit his job right then, something he hadn't yet done, thankfully. It gave her hope that maybe things would just be weird for a few hours or a day or so like last time. The following night Natalie had again gone by Nick's loft just as she had said she would, this time a bit closer to sunset. Once again, however, she could neither get inside nor did Nick let her in or acknowledge her in any way. At this she began to worry Nick was going to keep avoiding her, and her suspicion solidified when she later went by the 96th again and Nick attempted to bolt. This time Nick hadn't been quick enough, and while she had needed to run, Natalie managed to catch up to him just before he slipped out of the bullpen and into the hall. Angry, she moved in front of Nick and backed him into the wall, even as he tried to evade her. "No, Nick, we need to--" Nick changed as Natalie tried pinning him against the wall with her body. He pushed her away, hard, needing to put space between them, then he turned and left via the front entrance. Those who had seen him shove Natalie backed out of his way. Natalie felt eyes shift to her once Nick had left. By the time she had regained her balance and stood--she had hit the wall then started to fall, but managed to stop her descent with the help of the wall--Tracy was starting toward her. "Nat? Are you okay?" Tracy asked in a whisper. "Yeah, I'm fine," Natalie told her with a wave of her hand, as if she'd just been far more gently bumped into by accident without an apology. She didn't even look at Tracy, her mind on what to do next... If Nick wasn't going to talk to her even at the precinct, she supposed that meant it was time to talk to LaCroix. "That was out of line what he did. I'll talk to him whenever he gets back, see what's up," Tracy suggested apologetically. "No, it's fine. Don't lecture him or berate him about...just pretend nothing happened," Natalie told Tracy, shaking her head slightly and tilting it to one side as she tried to smile. "He'll probably drop by at the morgue," she added, although she had a feeling that this time he wouldn't. Tracy had begun to nod, but then narrowed her eyes at Natalie's neck. Two neat little punctures peeked through Natalie's semi-pushed back hair. "Nat?" she whispered, nearly reaching out her hand to try and get a better look at the tiny wounds but stopped herself. "Did Nick...he fed from you, bit you--" Tracy barely got the words out, not quite believing Nick would or could do something like that to Natalie. Natalie felt her anger rise, but she merely answered, "I'm fine." She planned to leave, but now Tracy was blocking her way. "Was it Nick? Is this why he's avoiding you?" Tracy continued in a whisper. "Because he, ah, did that to--" Natalie had had enough. She took a small step forward and fixed Tracy with a murderous glare that stopped Tracy mid-question. "Leave him alone." "I want to help. If you'd tell me--" "If you want to help, then leave him alone. Don't ask him what's wrong or if there's something you can do to help. There isn't." Before Tracy could protest, Natalie pushed forcibly past the detective and left. Tracy's gaze followed Natalie out, then she noticed over half the precinct, including Reese, now watched her. Feeling slightly embarrassed, Tracy returned to her desk and dropped her eyes to the scattered papers upon it. She didn't know how to react. It was one thing for Nick to get a bit forceful with another vampire, but Natalie? And at the precinct? That was different. Natalie hadn't been the gentlest when she had pushed by her, either, and that was certainly out of character. Then there was another issue she really didn't know what to think about: While Natalie hadn't answered her, she had seen the wounds. Nick had bitten her. When, Tracy didn't know, but the bite did look quite fresh, and Nick had only started avoiding Natalie the night before. Come to think of it, hadn't Natalie seemed odd the previous night? Or was that her imagination? Tracy tried to work, but she couldn't focus. Again. When Nick finally returned, over an hour later, Tracy had stood, planning to say something to him--although she still wasn't sure what--only to be a little too late. Reese had called Nick into the office, and Tracy quickly sat back down as if she hadn't ever stood. Nick hadn't noticed his partner's action; he was far too distracted by his own thoughts, and he actually felt worse now than he had when Natalie had cornered him. He had glared at Reese when his name had been tersely called out, but he obeyed the summons immediately. He followed Reese into the office, struggling not to pace. "Close the door, Knight." Nick stared at the Captain for a moment, then broke his gaze, took a step back to the door, and shut it hard enough the glass rattled. "What on earth is wrong with you tonight?" "Nothing," Nick said through gritted teeth. He felt like a caged animal...a starved, caged animal on the brink of attacking the first thing that moved. Reese didn't like his detective's present attitude one bit. "Nothing," he repeated, letting his frustration show. "That sure didn't look like nothing. You pushed Lambert hard enough she almost fell. Never seen a station go so quiet so quick and it stayed that way for quite some time after Lambert shoved past your partner on the way out. Nick didn't budge or react in any way. Just hearing Reese refer to Natalie made the hunger worse. Reese walked a few steps back toward Nick, hoping to get him to drop the angry glare, but nothing. "Is it something to do with you and Lambert? You two break up? One of you propose and the other turn it down? You been drinking? Drugs? Diagnosed with a terminal illness? Have an affair with your partner? Or one of you have an aff--" "No," Nick abruptly answered at the last full question, breaking his glare. "No, nothing like that." "Then what the hell is it?" "It's...complicated." "Try me." "I can't explain it." "Can't? Or won't?" Reese asked, but the other barely squirmed. "This isn't the first issue of late. Last week you went off on a victim's husband. And you've been distracted for weeks." Reese paused, taking a deep breath. "I had hoped you'd sort whatever is going on, but if anything I'd say whatever it is is getting worse, affecting you more." Nick tensed, suspecting what was coming. "I think you could use some time off to get a handle on whatever the issue is." Again Reese paused, but there was no good way to put what he was getting to. "One week suspension. That means I need your gun and badge." At first, Nick just stared. Then, quickly and without protest he pulled out his badge and unholstered his weapon. He pushed them hard into Reese's chest, turned, and left. The door slammed, and Reese felt a bit winded from Nick's push. Knight was stronger than he looked, which only strengthened his decision to suspend him. Putting the items on his desk, he then went back to the door, pulled it open, and called for Nick's partner. Tracy, who had been watching the office out of the corner of her eye, tried not to answer the Captain's call for her too readily. She slowly, calmly stood and walked into the office. She shut the door behind her figuring it had something to do with Nick. Reese looked rather sullen. "Captain?" Reese sized Tracy up a moment, trying to decide whether to first tell her she was out of a partner for the next week or see if she had better answers for what was up with Nick. He eventually chose the latter and asked, "Do you know what's up with your partner?" "Not really..." "And what does that mean?" Reese asked, frustrated. Tracy wasn't sure what to say, and her only reply consisted of opening and closing her jaw a couple of times. "Both of you seem to have gotten into the habit of giving half-assed answers." Tracy winced. "It's pretty clear Lambert is in some way the cause...or effect. They fall apart already?" "I don't think so," Tracy said uncertainly; she wasn't aware they really could fall apart given she had thought a human and a vampire couldn't be together. But, then, the bite she had seen on Natalie's neck tonight made her question her own thoughts on that. Reese raised his eyebrows at the answer...not much better than the last one. "Lambert say anything to you?" "Er..." Tracy started, trapped. She couldn't very well say Natalie had angrily told her to leave Nick alone; it would just prompt other questions. Reese sighed at Tracy's reluctance to answer. He couldn't push away the thought that Tracy was also somehow involved in her partner's behaviour, and he wasn't quite sure if Knight had answered truthfully or if he had perhaps hit too close to the truth. "You haven't gotten involved with him, have you? That might explain things." "Involved?" Tracy asked, slightly confused...for about a second, at which her eyes widened at the implication and she vigorously shook her head. "No, absolutely--no. Nick's more like a mentor or older brother, and I'd never do that to Nat. Nick--" Reese put his hand up, stopping her rambling. "Just wanted to double check." "Double check? Is that what you were talking to him about?" "I was trying to get him to give some sort of answer, figure out what the source of this is." He sighed again, and looked toward the desk where he had placed Knight's badge and weapon. Tracy noticed the glance and tensed seeing the items. "Your partner has a week's suspension. Hopefully it'll let him sort out...whatever." Tracy felt slightly sick. She had a feeling a suspension wouldn't help Nick one bit. "And Tracy? I'm sure you want to talk some sense into him, but let him cool off for a couple of days at least." Nodding, Tracy turned to leave, but to be honest she didn't really feel like working. First Nick and Natalie had a run in, then she had her own run in of a sort with Natalie, her partner fell off the grid for an hour, *again*, and now this. She just wanted to go somewhere, anywhere else and just sit and think. Turning slowly back, she asked, "Er, would it be all right if I went home? With Nick not here and no active cases..." Reese nodded, his lips pursued together. "Yeah, might as well." "Thanks," Tracy replied, and this time left the office. She didn't, however, get her things just yet. Instead she went back to her desk, sat, and picked up the phone to call Natalie. After a good dozen rings, Tracy nearly hung up when she heard Natalie answer rather dully other than a touch of frustration. "Natalie?" After a rather quiet pause, Natalie started, "Tracy, if you're looking for Nick--" "No, I'm not. Look, I get the impression he's not talking to you, and--" Tracy cut off, hating that she was probably going to make Natalie more frustrated. "When Nick came back Reese suspended him." Natalie remained silent in shock and worry. "I thought you might want to know." "How long?" "A week. I'm sorry." "Sorry? What for?" Then after a short pause, Natalie evenly stated, "You talked to him." "No," Tracy quickly answered. "I didn't get a chance, but-- Natalie, I'm worried about him; Reese is, too. I think he suspended Nick because Nick wouldn't say what his problem is. He asked me if you two had broken up, and if I was...involved with Nick. I'm assuming Reese asked Nick, too." Tracy waited for a reply and when she didn't get one asked, "You didn't break things off, did you?" Natalie felt uncomfortable at the question. She hadn't, but she was afraid Nick had or was trying to. "I don't know, Tracy." "Are you sure there's nothing I can do?" "Yeah, I'm sure." Natalie shut her eyes, adding, "If or when you can, I'll tell you, but there's not much even I can do, or there doesn't seem to be." "I just feel so useless." "Sometimes life is like that. And, Trace...I need to get back to work--I'm mid-autopsy--but thanks for letting me know what happened." "No problem." Natalie then hung up, at which she just stared at the phone. Nick had been suspended. That settled it. She was now no longer even going to wait until her shift was over to try and talk to LaCroix. "Dr. Lambert?" Turning, Natalie found one of the forensics techs peeking in through the doors. The tech was new, and she kept having to give her a little help getting started on tasks and tests. Between that and needing to sew up her patient, going by the Raven would have to wait at least a little while. Broken Lies - (25/42) An hour later Tracy sat not in her apartment, but in the Raven. The last couple of months she had become accustomed to some of the club's oddities, and to be honest she felt more comfortable going there for a drink than at some random bar...a cop's bar would be even worse. She had just finished a third--and final--shot of vodka and tonic when she saw a black, leather blur slide next to her from behind. Vachon. He was looking between her and her empty glass. "Don't look at me like I've grown horns or my hair is blue or something; I'm not working." "Here to spy on your partner?" "No, I am not here to spy on my partner," Tracy harshly answered. "I'm assuming he's at home. I think he stopped coming here, anyway." Tracy fiddled with her glass, wondering if she should have another. Looking up, her eyes fixated on a very familiar figure that wasn't her partner. She budged down and out of her seat and behind Vachon in a flash. She'd rather Nick spot her in the Raven or even LaCroix...not Natalie. "Switch spots with me, will you?" Vachon did so after a second, and calmly looked to see who Tracy was attempting to avoid. Knight's friend, Dr. Lambert, stood near the entrance, scanning the bar area. When her gaze stopped on LaCroix, Vachon told Tracy, "I don't think you need to worry." Tracy wasn't overly comforted by that, and kept out of sight behind Vachon anyway. Near the doors, Natalie had started toward LaCroix, hoping she looked more confident than she felt. After setting the new tech to work doing something time consuming and simple--that shouldn't need any further questions--she had left. First she had made one last attempt at Nick's, and again she got no response. Then she had come here. She was quite nervous and didn't know what to expect; she had never, that she could think of, had any sort of conversation with LaCroix without Nick there. Not really. The closest she had come was when Nick had been shot and too confused to participate in their conversation. Doing her best to remain calm, Natalie slowed and finally stopped a couple feet from where LaCroix sat at the counter facing the wall behind the bar, sipping from a glass. LaCroix smiled as he set his glass down, but didn't turn as he spoke. "I had wondered when you might drop by for a little chat." "When did you last talk to Nick? Or see him." LaCroix had to think a moment before answering. "About a week ago." Natalie moved a half-step closer, leaned forward slightly, and lowered her voice to ask, "Is there somewhere we can talk?" "Here is fine," he told her, then took another drink from his glass. Natalie felt rather as if he was ignoring her. "It has to do with Nick." LaCroix turned, half-smirking. "Of course it does." "I am worried about him," she said with as serious and even a tone as she could manage with fighting back her emotions. "I think he might...I'm worried he might seriously hurt himself," she told him, not wanting to say her thoughts more plainly there in the open. "Nicholas is incapable of--" "Are you sure?" Natalie asked before LaCroix finished. "Are you absolutely positive--" She cut off as he looked away and picked up his glass again. The action told her his thoughts; he wasn't sure. He didn't have an answer for her. "He locked me out of his home, and he will not speak to me or let me talk to him since he did this." And Natalie turned her head toward the bar and pushed her hair back behind her left shoulder. LaCroix turned and immediately saw the wounds on her neck. His lips parted in faint surprise, both in that his son had bitten her at all and that she still lived. Perhaps he had underestimated her reasons for coming to speak to him. Perhaps it *would* be better to have this discussion in a more private setting. "And he's been suspended from work." As she said this, Natalie turned back and she could feel her exterior start to crumble. "And you are telling me this because?" LaCroix asked, but knew the answer she'd likely give. "Because I know you don't need a key or even a door to get into his place. And because you're probably the only person he might listen to. He won't let me in and I am really worried he might--" Natalie paused and lowered her head to wipe a tear away before it could migrate away from her eye. "He said if he killed me or hurt me more than he had he'd...he said the sun could have him. And he meant it. I know he meant it." Her emotions took over and made her voice unsteady as she repeated, "Please, I'm worried he might--" then cut off again. This was harder than she thought, and here was about the last place she wanted to fall to pieces. LaCroix watched as Natalie started to pull back from him, but she didn't seem capable of actually leaving. Casually abandoning his drink, LaCroix slowly but deliberately moved away from the bar and to her side, where he took her arm. She resisted as he began to pull her away, and he slid behind her as she now tried to flee. He brushed the hand on her arm across her back until it stopped at her waist, and his other hand then took a firmer hold of her arm. He leaned over her shoulder, soothing. "Shh, you have no reason nor ability to fight me." "I should go back to work..." "I think you should stay a little longer. Now come." Natalie didn't have much of a choice but to walk forward as she was pushed and guided toward the radio booth. Her head spun as LaCroix quickly opened the door, barely stopping her before moving her into the relatively small, undecorated room. When his hands dropped away and the door softly shut, Natalie snapped back to reality as her surroundings became eerily quiet. Then, feeling hands pull back her hair and touch her neck where Nick had bitten her, Natalie stiffened and nearly pulled away...but at least the change in location and cool fingers on her skin brought her emotions back under control. "Did you enjoy it?" LaCroix whispered to her, leaning in close, as his fingers once again traced near the wounds. Natalie swallowed a little, unnerved by the question given who was asking. "You don't feel the full effect as a mortal, but you did get a glimpse into Nicholas' mind, did you not?" "Yes," Natalie answered without much thought, LaCroix' smooth words reminding her what she had felt when Nick had bitten her. "Was it how you thought it would be?" Natalie shivered involuntarily as LaCroix teased the skin behind her ear with the tips of his fingers. "Actually, it was." "You know as much about us as many vampires do, don't you?" Feeling LaCroix' breath on her neck, Natalie pulled away and turned to face him. She couldn't read his expression, but told him honestly, "I don't know if I do or not." "How much did Nicholas tell you about either various experiences or conversations we've shared of recent?" "I know he asked that you not bring me over, if that's what you're trying to find out." LaCroix smirked; she had guessed correctly. "Is that why you haven't asked?" "If I asked, would you do it? Would you go against Nick's wishes?" The smirk almost vanished. "I suppose it would depend upon when I was asked." "If I asked now?" "Are you?" "Maybe." "Tonight, right now..." LaCroix closed his eyes a moment and nearly looked away. "I would refuse." He turned, took a step away, and then spun back to face his visitor again. "And if I asked you?" Now it was Natalie's turn to shift, but she knew her answer. "You have my permission." LaCroix caught her change of wording, but wanting to make sure he asked, "For now or later?" "Either. Whenever." "And if you change your mind?" "I won't. Besides, if you asked I'm not sure I'd have a choice in the matter." LaCroix' smile returned, but it was a more serious, reserved smile. He moved back to Natalie and walked slowly around her. "Why should I agree? Why should I ask?" He stopped behind Natalie and again gently caressed and teased her neck. Natalie tensed, but did her best not to show her uneasiness. "For Nick," she whispered in answer. "For Nick," LaCroix repeated, saying his son's recent name preference more sharply than Natalie had, his distaste clear. "No." Inwardly panicking the moment she heard that plain refusal, Natalie then tried to turn, but hands gripped her shoulders. "I will not bring you across for Nicholas. Doing such favours rarely turn out well. I am sure you would agree. Didn't you ask Nicholas for a similar favour?" He leaned his head forward, his lips stopping just short of her ear. "And how did that go?" Natalie could hear her heart pounding. How did he know what she had asked Nick to do--bring across her shot and dying brother--and that he had done it? LaCroix hadn't been here then. He must have found out from Janette...or Nick himself, perhaps recently. "No," LaCroix repeated, saving Natalie the need to answer. "I must have a reason--" "If you bring me across, Nick probably won't kill himself. Isn't that reason enough for you?" "Probably," LaCroix echoed. "And if he does it regardless of what you are, regardless of if he can no longer harm you?" Natalie swallowed, but she knew it was a possibility. "Then that'll be my problem, won't it?" "Would you blame me for...cursing you?" "Why would I--" "Would you blame Nicholas?" "No. Never. This would be my choice. The only person to blame would be myself. At least I know what I'm in for." "Do you? Really?" Natalie was getting annoyed at him questioning her, especially given he was behind her, touching her. "Relatively. I get the impression it's rare to ask, 'Do you want to be a vampire?' then give them time to think it over. It's more 'Do you want to live forever?' and then right then and there, isn't it?" She tried to turn her head, but that just resulted in his lips brushing against her cheek. "Push the good, gloss over the bit about having to live off blood, off others...not mention the downsides." She said icily. "Were you told both sides? I know Nick wasn't." LaCroix closed his eyes at the reminder of his own offer. This mortal was perceptive; he liked that about her, and to be honest he had already decided he would indeed add her to his little family...his specially selected family of which only a few he ever kept close. He would make her one of those elite. "You didn't have any idea what you would become, did you?" Natalie asked, assuming she had hit some nerve with her question. "You weren't told both--" "I was told very little," he said, cutting her off. "I had the choice of this or what would have been a certain death...if it could even be called a choice." He paused bringing his thoughts back to their current conversation. "Now, if by chance Nicholas is lost to us...know that you are mine." Natalie shut her eyes at the harshness of his words, but she had suspected this. If Nick killed himself and she was still mortal, she half-expected LaCroix might kill her. She had, in his eyes, been encouraging Nick's quest for mortality, forget that Nick's wish to not harm her appeared to be the prime instigator of his line of thinking. LaCroix chuckled. "Which, of course, means you are mine regardless." He let his hands slide down Natalie's arms and slink tightly around her waist, then he whispered in her ear, "How obedient a child will you be? Will you be like Nicholas?" "I don't know," Natalie answered as she tried to pry his arm away, but of course it was no use. "But you will always side with him, yes?" "I don't know," she repeated, "But probably not always...I'm not right now." "True." Wanting to return to why she had come, Natalie again told LaCroix, "I'm worried about him." LaCroix slowly released Natalie and watched her spin and pull away the moment she could. "I will speak with him." "And if my worry is real?" "Then I will do as you wish...as Nicholas will not, cannot do on his own." Natalie just stared at first, but then nodded. "Good," she muttered, feeling oddly much calmer. "I, ah, really should get back to work." She waited for a moment, then walked to the door. Natalie almost smiled, but instead she left the room silently, going back into the loud club. LaCroix moved to the door and watched the mortal leave. Then his eyes locked on another mortal...a young blonde detective. His temper flared; her attention had been on Natalie. He slid out of sight before the mortal's gaze found him again. After Natalie had vanished, Tracy's gaze did, indeed, return to the radio booth, but LaCroix had disappeared. Tracy had watched the two talk, and then leave the main part of the club. Tracy was stunned to silence and slightly sickened by how close LaCroix had been to Natalie. While she had seemed fine upon leaving, Tracy still wondered if LaCroix could have done something while they were out of sight. "Vachon, could you hear anything they said?" she asked, turning toward Vachon. He stared rather blankly back, thinking for a moment. "Not once they left the bar." "But before that? Why did Nat come here?" "To talk to LaCroix apparently." "Like I hadn't guessed that," Tracy nearly rolled her eyes. "Talk to him about what?" Vachon had, of course, heard every word, but he doubted either LaCroix or Natalie would be particularly thrilled if he told Tracy. "Had to do with your partner." Then, figuring she knew, he added, "I think there was something about Knight being suspended?" Tracy winced. Of course it had something to do with that. She dropped her gaze to the table. "Yeah. A week. I asked for the rest of the night off." "And you came here?" Tracy shrugged. "I've gotten used to it. Clubs aren't generally my thing, but a bar would be...ugh. And it would've been too quiet at home." She scanned the club again, looking for LaCroix, but he still seemed missing. "Will he hurt Natalie?" she asked, not looking at Vachon. "Knight?" "No, LaCroix. Will he?" "I can't answer that, Tracy." "Cant, or won't because of some reason you won't reveal?" "Can't." "But he could hurt her? Or even kill her?" she asked quietly, turning to Vachon. "I'm not asking if he will, but if he might possibly..." "He...could," Vachon acquiesced. "He has different rules." "Figured," Tracy whispered and her attention went back to her empty glass for the first time since Vachon had sat next to her. She touched it, turned it in her fingers, then pushed it away. "I should probably head home." Vachon watched Tracy stand, pull on her coat, and start off toward the entrance. He got to his feet and followed. He could sense someone else following as well. "I'll drive you," he suggested as they exited. "Why? So you can make sure I actually go home?" she asked, turning sharply back at him. "Don't worry. I'm not going to try and talk to Nick. Not yet." Vachon held up his hands defensively. "Because I figured you'd been sitting there a bit and that you'd had several drinks." Tracy relaxed, feeling a bit stupid. "Oh, er, sorry. I just--Reese already kinda gave me that talk, plus Nick really didn't seem talk-to-able tonight." She paused as she handed her keys over. "For the record I had three actual drinks and two glasses of water, but I suppose it'd be best if you did drive. I'm parked a couple blocks down," she said, nodding the direction her car was in. "To lessen the chance Knight saw your car?" "No...well, maybe, but again, I really didn't expect to see him. Or Natalie. Or you for that matter...which shows how off I feel...especially tonight." Back at the Raven's front entrance, LaCroix glared at the two departing figures. He was tempted to ban the mortal from the club, but not yet... In a strange way her visits to the club provided him with information; he had watched her far more than she'd been aware due to the possible negative effect she could have on his impressionable son. Once the detective's car had left, LaCroix returned inside. While he fully intended to follow through with the good doctor's request, he would wait until closer to dawn before he spoke to his son. Broken Lies - (26/42) Standing in his son's bedroom, LaCroix felt more worry than he had expected. Earlier he had dropped by and had found his child seemingly working. The younger had been so absorbed by the task that his presence hadn't been noticed. Now he found his son sleeping, barely, tortured by some nightmare, his body curled up clutching a pillow. Pitiful, but it confirmed Dr. Lambert's worries...and now his own. It was too early for sleep, still a good hour before dawn. Roughly, LaCroix reached down and rolled the younger man onto his back. Nick woke with a start, grabbing LaCroix' outstretched arm instinctively. It took a couple of seconds to register who it was, who it had to be. "LaCroix? Why are you here?" "Why else would I come here? To see you." Nick let go and tried to roll away again, but LaCroix held him in place. "Please, LaCroix, go. Let me sleep." "No. I am not leaving without--" "Please, I want to try to get at least a couple of hours sleep." Nick tried to push LaCroix' hand away, but he couldn't. Despite his son's clear attempts to free himself, LaCroix felt very little resistance...less than if the other had been mortal. It was far too easy to hold the younger in place. "Nicholas--" "Please go," Nick whispered; he didn't have the energy to argue and just wished the other would leave. "You were suspended from that job of yours..." "And?" "Are you preparing to leave?" LaCroix asked. "If you would like, I could arrange--" "No, I'm not leaving." "Because of Natalie." Nick's eyes darted away. "Who you have locked out and won't speak to." Nick looked back, panicking slightly. The only way LaCroix could know that is if Natalie... "She went to you," Nick said blankly. LaCroix released his son, who now seemed frozen in place. "Yes." "Did she... Did you bring her across?" "No, and no. But we have come to an agreement of sorts." "An agreement?" Nick asked as he shifted slightly. "Yes." LaCroix turned and took a couple of steps away, then spun back to find his son propping himself up. "If she asks me...well, you will have a new sister." Nick just stared blankly ahead, not even looking at LaCroix. "No objections?" Nick shook his head slowly. "It's...it's fine." "Really?" "It's not my choice. I won't stop her." LaCroix narrowed his eyes; he had fully expected some sort of objection or argument, or at least a statement of their differing opinions. "So if I went to her work right now and offered--" Nick turned back onto his side and mumbled, "Do whatever. I can't stop you." "Would you...if you thought you could?" LaCroix stepped slowly back to the bed's edge as only silence answered. "Would you, Nicholas?" "I don't know," Nick whispered. "I'm not sure I would, but I really don't know. Now please, go...the sun will be up soon." LaCroix, however, didn't budge. His child's uncaring attitude bothered him. A few months ago the younger would have been extremely averse to the idea of bringing Natalie across. His son had been strongly opposed to such actions for some time, and yet now he purported to not care and was leaving the choice to himself and Natalie. It was too easy. Something was wrong. Moving silently toward the door, LaCroix stopped just before leaving the room and waited, watching his son. The other didn't fall back asleep, and merely shifted, uncomfortable and lightly fighting against his thoughts. LaCroix knew the other had been suffering nearly daily nightmares of late...he only had a break from that torture when Natalie stayed with him. And that was something that he suspected would not happen again until she was part of their family...until she was a vampire. Slowly LaCroix returned to the bed. "Nicholas," he whispered, lightly touching the younger's arm. "Allow me to help you." "You can't help." LaCroix closed his eyes for a moment, angry at the statement, then he sat on the edge of the bed. "I may be able to help you sleep...if you let me." Nick initially just clutched the pillow in front of him, eyes closed, wishing he'd fall asleep, but his thoughts would now keep him awake. The best he would get would be fitful, nightmare filled dreams. It wouldn't hurt to allow LaCroix to try helping, or he didn't think it would. When Nick heard his name called again and felt his arm being pulled back, he rolled onto his back and looked up at LaCroix. Then he closed his eyes again. "You can try, but it may not work." "You must willingly submit...completely." Nick merely nodded, but he wasn't sure he could relax enough. He squirmed as LaCroix leaned over him and wrapped his fingers under his chin to keep his gaze steady. "*Empty your mind, Nicholas. Think about nothing but this moment...*" Nick tried, he really did, but he couldn't; it just wasn't working. "*Close your eyes. Block everything out other than my voice...*" Nick had shut his eyes for a moment, but then shook his head and tried fleetingly to push LaCroix' hand away. "I can't." "Yes, Nicholas, you can." "No, I can't." He shoved LaCroix' hand away, succeeding this time. "I've tried. I can't block her out of my thoughts. Natalie. I can't--" "Then focus on her. Focus on some...happy moment," LaCroix suggested with a hint of disgust. Nick felt ill as he tried to do as he was asked, and his gaze wandered. Some of his good memories involving Natalie turned bad, and most were tinged with worry and self-hatred. A hand again gripped his face and his eyes again met with LaCroix'. "*Focus on that memory, Nicholas. Focus and submit to me*," LaCroix whispered, his voice soothing and airy. Nick thought of the most benign memory of Natalie as he could manage, which amounted to himself and Natalie quietly sitting together on his sofa...something they had done often, both recently and throughout his time in this life. As he did so and LaCroix' soothing tone again told him to focus, Nick felt curiously disoriented. Instinctively he wanted to fight it, brush it off, but the other told him to relax and focus on his voice. The more he focused the drowsier and safer he felt. "*That's it, give in to me...*" LaCroix paused, smiling as he watched his son relax. "*Good, Nicholas, very good. Now close your eyes, and sleep. You will think of nothing other than your precious Natalie... She is safe. You are safe. You will dream of nothing...nothing other than her friendly, comforting presence...*" Sensing the other had already fallen asleep, LaCroix smirked. How very simple it was to manipulate his child. Then, almost instantly, the smirk vanished; it shouldn't have been this simple. His son had been too weak and too tired to put up much resistance. He, himself, hadn't known if it was even possible to influence another vampire that directly. He still didn't know, even as he first sat up and then stood. He had barely pushed at the other's thoughts. For nearly a minute LaCroix looked down at the younger who now peacefully slept, a smile gracing his lips. He couldn't wait long to bring Natalie into their family, not with his son being torn apart with emotion like this. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. The following morning, Natalie dully pulled her gloves off after her second autopsy that night; she still had to put the body back, clean up, and then it was time for a third. All three of her patients tonight were relatively young--over 20, but under 50. She hated nights like this. The woman on the table, a whole twenty-six years old, had died of a brain aneurysm. She reached for another pair of gloves, but couldn't reach the box due to being suddenly embraced from behind, arms slinking around her waist, a chin hooking around her shoulder, and soft blond curls tickling her cheek. It was Nick, and she relaxed. For a moment she had imagined it to be LaCroix, especially after their conversation the previous night. Nick turned his face into Natalie's neck and inhaled her wonderful, comforting, enticing scent. He had missed it. Natalie smiled, but as Nick remained silent and his hold hadn't loosened one bit, it faltered. "Nick?" At the sound of her voice Nick turned his head more and he held her even tighter. The embrace becoming painful, Natalie put her hands over Nick's and lightly pried, but his hold tightened once again. It was affecting her breathing, and she reluctantly complained, "Nick, could you let go? You're crushing me a bit..." Nick loosened the embrace, but didn't let go. He didn't want to...if he did, would she turn and yell at him? Or, worse, touch his face then kiss him? He didn't think he could leave just yet even if he wanted to, but if she kissed him... Natalie's gaze had gone to the clock--the sun was likely coming up right then. "Nick--" "Shh, it's fine," he whispered. "You could have called, or--" "I wanted to see you, hold you." Natalie smiled again and tried to turn her head toward him, but his was too close. "Can we talk later?" Nick momentarily squeezed her again, once more inhaling her scent. "Will you let me come up after I'm off?" He didn't answer and her worry increased. "Nick?" "When do you get off?" "Ah, it'll be two and a half, three hours at the earliest. I was about to start on another patient." Nick hesitated, waiting as long as he dared, then replied, "Yes, you can come by." "And you'll let me up?" "The new code is 4-1-4-9-0. You can let yourself up." Gradually he let his hold slack, let go, and then left as quickly as he could manage. Natalie turned, still smiling, wanting to thank him, but he had already gone. Her mood sank a bit seeing that, but she had his alarm code and the okay to drop by later that morning. She went about her previous task of getting a fresh pair of gloves so that she could switch out her patients and clean up in a much less gloomy mood. Broken Lies - (27/42) Tracy came to an abrupt halt a few steps from her desk, another detective slamming into her in the process. "Sorry, so sorry," she said, bending down for his report, but he beat her, said his own apologies, and left her disoriented. After heading home she had realised she had forgotten to take home a couple of bills she had brought in to write out that night and wanted to mail off. Then, part way to her desk she had noticed a pile of files on her desk...and that's when she had frozen and gotten bowled over. Continuing cautiously forward, Tracy opened the file on top. It was part of her and her partner's paperwork backlog, filled out by Nick. She flipped through the pile only to find more just like it. If she had to guess, she'd say the pile consisted of every not-yet-done report they had. Picking up the bottom file, planning to quickly neaten the stack--she'd go through it that night--Tracy spotted an off-white folded piece of stationary under the stack. It had been left behind when she picked up the folders, and her first name had been written neatly on what showed. Setting the files down haphazardly to one side, Tracy snatched the note up, unfolded it to find more of Nick's writing, and read, "I'm sorry I didn't trust you. You don't have to worry about me anymore. Don't pressure Natalie to talk if she doesn't want to." Tracy read this note through several times, but it didn't make much sense. Yeah, she worried about him, but...to be honest, the note made her worry *more* than Nick's recent behaviour had. It sounded like a good-bye note...or a suicide note. Nervous, she sat down and grabbed her phone, immediately dialling Nick's...busy. Then she called the morgue. "Dr. Lambert speaking." "Er, Nat?" Tracy asked, fiddling with the note in her hand. "Tracy? Shouldn't you be off by now?" "Well...that's complicated." "I was just about to--" "Don't. Whatever it is, don't," Tracy said, cutting Natalie off. "Just listen a bit. Or, well, first maybe check your desk." "Check my desk? What for?" "Er, something from Nick." Natalie furrowed her forehead. Something from Nick? She looked, but just saw the normal disorganised mess it had been of late. "Anything?" "Nope. Is there supposed to be something?" "Ah, no, I just figured..." Tracy sighed. "I came back to the precinct for something and found a stack of stuff on my desk. Nick did up our entire backlog by the looks of it, and at the bottom was a note, and..." Tracy paused, looking at the note in her hand. She didn't feel right about reading it to Natalie, but it was probably the best option if she wanted to get the severity of her worry across. "The note...I'm a bit worried, Nat. It says, 'I'm sorry I didn't trust you. You don't have to worry about me anymore. Don't pressure--don't pressure Natalie to talk if--talk if she doesn't want to,'" she forced out, having trouble with the last sentence. "Have you talked to him? This sounds an awful lot like, well, a suicide note." There, she had said it. Natalie froze hearing Nick's note to Tracy. The suggestion that it could be a suicide note...that was why Nick gave her the alarm code, why he had asked when she'd get off. He wanted her to find him...and be too late. "Nat? You still there?" "Yeah, I'm--" Natalie's eyes darted around the room, stopping on her next patient. Tracy was at the precinct, which meant she could get to Nick's faster...and she either had to put the body back in the cooler, or get her intern to do this one. "Natalie?" "Nick came here about half an hour ago," she admitted. "His alarm code, it's...oh, God..." "What?" "Nothing," Natalie muttered--the code was the month, day, and year they had met...April 14th, 1990. She should have realised something was up immediately, as he typically had a four-digit code. "Ah, the code is 4-1-4-9-0. You'll get there before me." Tracy scribbled the numbers down on the back of a blank form, mumbling them as she wrote. "So you think--" "I'm trying not to think. Just go and...do what you can. Please, Tracy. I'll be there as soon as I can." "Nat..." "Go, Tracy." Before Tracy could reply, Natalie hung up on her. For a moment she sat in a state of semi-shock, then she snapped into action. She tore off the corner of the piece of paper she had written Nick's alarm code on and put it in her jeans pocket as she stood. Then Nick's note to her got stuffed in her jacket pocket as she nearly ran into someone on her way out. Getting in her car, Tracy noticed her hands were shaking. "He'll be fine," she told herself as she started her car up. "Nick will be perfectly fine," she repeated, and pulled out of her parking spot and the lot. "I'm just going to check on him." But as she reassured herself, Tracy knew she wasn't just checking on him. Natalie had told her to 'do what she can' and she had a feeling that meant to try to keep him alive...either save him from whatever or stop him. But how did she stop him? He was a vampire, even if she had never seen his fangs. Did she shoot him? Try to stake him somewhere other than his heart? Not that she had anything to stake him with... Tracy's mind went numb as she got closer to Nick's. If Nick did either try or succeed at killing himself, would it be her fault? She had followed him, watched him closely, confronted him a couple of times, talked to Natalie and then been told off by Natalie multiple times... Had she bugged him too much? She had tried not to go too far, but maybe she hadn't been careful enough? Trying to push that thought away, Nick's words in the note came back to her. What did he mean 'he didn't trust her'? No, he hadn't told her when he had become a vampire, but how could he have known she already knew about vampires? She didn't blame him for that one bit; she was more to blame for spying on him and getting Vachon involved. And while she wished Nick had, after that, perhaps confided his thoughts and issues he was dealing with to her...he had Natalie for that. Nick had no reason to apologise to her regarding a lack of trust...she was the one that should be doing the apologising about that. She decided that that was exactly what she'd do when she reached Nick's. Arriving, feeling relatively calm, Tracy turned off the ignition and took a hopefully relaxing deep breath only to have it stopped cold by the gut-wrenching sound of a gunshot. It was from nearby; Tracy knew it had to be from inside. She lost all sense of calm and rushed out of her car, slamming the door as she ran for the entrance. She punched in the code, hoping she had memorised it right and wouldn't have to fumble for her note, but her panic didn't ease when it went through. The elevator ride up was absolutely agonising, and Tracy pushed open the freight door just enough that she could slip through. The room was bright between what seemed like every lamp, light, and window open. The wisps of smoke near the windows told her where Nick was. Tracy hurried toward it, her stride faltering as she saw Nick lying on his side facing the window. Luckily or unluckily only his shoulder and upper arm lay in the path of direct sunlight. Otherwise she was sharply reminded of the night he had been shot saving her life, except the wound was in a different place. Tracy dropped to her knees behind Nick, her mind focused on only one thing: She had to get Nick out of the path of the light...she had to get him safe. She pushed on his back and his limp body shifted a few inches closer to the wall. It wasn't enough, and she pushed him again. The whiffs of smoke or steam stopped rising, and Tracy was able to really look at him now. Nick had shot himself in the base of his skull, an ugly, bloody wound staring at her. There didn't seem to be much blood, surprisingly, but parts of the floor smoked. She felt sick; she had seen enough scenes like this to be able to picture what had burned. Pushing her queasiness away, Tracy spotted the gun still loosely held in Nick's right hand. She pried his fingers carefully away, put the safety back on, and slid the gun away across the floor. Her clothes and hands were alight with sunlight, and she stood and went to the windows. Nick was safe for now, but he wouldn't be for long. She didn't see any promising-looking switches by the windows. She had only been here once and felt so helpless not knowing how to shut the light out; the shutters had been down before. But Natalie would be there soon; Natalie would know how to close the shutters on the windows. Turning back to Nick, Tracy could see the light creeping nearer to her partner's already burned arm. She went back to him and again knelt on the hard floor, this time in front of him. She could block some of the light, although she found it hard not to try moving him again. Tracy gently touched the side of his face, his expression pain-filled. A faint line of blood had trickled down his cheek where she touched. Tears of her own rolled down her cheeks and her mind flashed back to her thoughts on the way there. Was this her fault? Would Nick recover like last time? She wiped her face with her jacket sleeve, then started as the elevator door slid open and Natalie came inside. She hadn't heard it start down or up, despite the silence. "I don't know how to get the windows shut or...whatever." Natalie approached until she could get a good look at Nick; she wanted to see that he was still alive. She didn't have to ask Tracy if she knew what happened; that was obvious. Nick had shot himself in the head, probably to disable himself so that he couldn't back out. He had wanted to ensure he'd die. "Is he going to be okay?" Tracy asked, glancing between Nick and Natalie. "I heard the shot when I got here, and I moved him out of the sunlight once--" "Tracy, I don't know," Natalie said as she turned and started to hunt for Nick's remote. It wasn't in any of the usual spots. Eventually she found it stuffed into the recliner cushions and immediately started the shutters down. "Natalie, is this my fault?" Natalie froze at the question, but then quickly shook her head as she set the remote on the coffee table. "It's not your fault, Tracy." Slowly she walked toward them and knelt behind Nick. Tracy watched as Natalie bent over Nick, seemingly examining his wounds. "Are you sure it's not my fault? I mean, he had only been a little off since he... It wasn't until I started digging that he... It feels like it's my fault, Natalie." Looking up, Natalie could clearly see the other's distress. "This is not your fault," she replied more evenly than the first time. "Are you--" "If this is any one person's fault it is mine," Natalie half snapped and turned back to Nick. She gently rolled him onto his back. She was starting to feel paralysed; Nick looked so helpless lying there, and there really wasn't much she could do. She wished she had brought some blood with her from the morgue, but she had been in such a rush to leave...and she had really hoped and even expected she'd be able to get there in time to stop him. "Help me," Natalie said as she stood, moved closer to Nick's head, and bent over. "Help you...what do you want me to do?" "Help me move Nick to the sofa." Despite Natalie's confident voice, Tracy hesitantly stood. Getting 170, 180 pounds of dead weight onto the sofa...and she was having a hard time even looking at her partner like this. "Er..." "I'm not going to say it'll be easy, Tracy, but it will certainly be doable." Reluctantly Tracy leaned down as well, standing off to the side of her partner's knees and uncomfortably gripped him. Natalie had her hands under his arms and had lifted him without warning, Nick's head lifelessly hanging back. She looked away and let Natalie lead the way toward the sofa. They had to pause twice...once part way because she felt sick and once before lifting Nick up to the leather cushions. Tracy backed away as soon as she could and watched as Natalie expertly repositioned Nick, straightening his legs and laying his hands on his stomach. In moments Nick looked rather like he was napping given his casual clothes...just a blue t-shirt and black sweatpants. The blood and unhealed burns on his right arm gave his true state away. Natalie glanced at Tracy, who seemed to be going into shock, then headed to the linen closet behind the stairs. She picked out a hand towel and a washcloth. She then went to the kitchen and wet the washcloth. Tracy's gaze followed Natalie, but as Natalie came back to the sofa and Nick, Tracy's attention shifted from the kitchen over to the dining table. Near one edge was a small glass and something softly shining sitting on a sheet of paper. Natalie had started to gingerly clean away the blood from Nick's undamaged skin. The large burn on his arm and shoulder, the thin blue t-shirt he wore burnt through in places from it, didn't seem one bit different. Nor did the other more grisly wound. Nick wasn't going to heal without blood. That was going to be a problem. A problem she needed to do something about...or have Tracy help with. Tracy, meanwhile, had approached the items on the table. Up close it was clear what was in the cup: Blood. The shiny object turned out to be a gold pocket watch; it looked fairly plain and worn, as if well-used or carried around for years. The note she started to read, but only reached the first, very short sentence: "I'm sorry, LaCroix." She had done enough prying, and had already read one suicide note...which still didn't make much sense to her. What didn't he trust her with? Having done what she could, Natalie set the towel and washcloth on the coffee table and slowly stood. She shrugged her coat off, pulled her car keys out of a pocket, and then draped her coat over the back of the recliner. "Tracy, I need you to go to the morgue and get as much blood as you can." Tracy walked slowly over to Natalie, looking at the now held out keys. "I've got your car blocked in, so you'll have to take mine." Natalie then held up a smaller key on the key-ring, the smallest of the bunch. "This goes to the file cabinet by my desk. There's a bottle in the bottom drawer. Get that as well." Tracy took the keys, but instead of leaving she watched Natalie hurry past her to the kitchen, open a drawer, and a moment later she had started back...with a small knife in her hand. "Nat? What are you going to do with that?" Natalie didn't answer or even glance at Tracy as she walked by the younger woman and back to Nick. "Nat?" "Go, Tracy." Reluctantly Tracy turned only to feel like she had been dunked in a vat of ice-water. Just a few feet in front of her stood LaCroix. He didn't look much better than Nick to her. "Ah, N-Natalie?" Hearing the change in Tracy's voice, Natalie turned. She found a livid, weary, and singed LaCroix staring almost hungrily at Tracy. "I'd prefer if you didn't use that, Doctor," LaCroix said, his gaze turning to Natalie and the knife in her hand. "Not that I don't praise your willingness to help Nicholas, but I think we have business that should be attended to first." Her eyes locked on LaCroix, and Natalie repeated, "Tracy, go. Now." Tracy obeyed, starting for the door, but LaCroix snatched her by the arm as she passed him just a tad too close. "Let her leave, LaCroix. She's--" "She stays," LaCroix hissed, then he dragged Tracy, struggling, to the stairs. He had to restrain both her arms in order to relocate her. Tracy winced as she was shoved front first against the railing for the stairs, his body right behind her. He held both of her wrists down on one of the steps with one hand...the other searched her, and within moments her hands were cuffed through the railing by her own handcuffs. She stiffened as he touched her again, and her gun was flashed teasingly in front of her eyes. "Best to remove the temptation," he whispered, then he turned to find Natalie watching him. Looking back to Tracy, he asked, "The key for these?" and pulled on her arm so that the cuffs rattled on the bars. Tracy didn't answer, turning away as he again searched her. He found it with her badge. He replaced her badge but pocketed the key. LaCroix next walked slowly over to Natalie, putting Tracy's weapon on the side table before pulling the knife out of Natalie's stark white grip. It dropped to the table, landing soundlessly on the towel. LaCroix looked to his injured son, eyes flitting from the head wound to the burns, then back to Natalie. His son would need blood to heal--and he would heal--but what state would he be in when he woke... "Will he remember?" "I can't say for sure." "Guess." Natalie closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. "The damage is probably mostly in his cerebellum. He's probably more likely to have issues with balance and co-ordination than his memory. But that's just a guess." LaCroix stood stiff, both thrilled and worried at this news. That meant his son could certainly make another attempt to take his life when he woke. "Have you changed your mind?" Natalie silently shook her head, then tensed as LaCroix closed the space between them, grabbed her arm, and pushed her ahead of him, first toward and then up the stairs. She didn't fight him, although she felt slightly more anxious than she had upon seeing Nick unconscious by the still open window. Natalie wasn't sure if her nervousness was because of what LaCroix had done to Tracy, because they were leaving Nick unconscious on the sofa, or because of how much force LaCroix was using to hold onto her. Tracy made sure her hands were out of the way as they reached the small landing and headed up to the upper level. She nearly said Natalie's name, but LaCroix sent her a vile glare just as he reached the top of the stairs that made her look away. By the time she looked back she couldn't see anything. Once in the bedroom, almost immediately LaCroix turned and pushed Natalie back against the door, which roughly slammed. Quickly she realised he had a different plan than she did when he started inching her skirt up. She tried shoving him away, but he pinned her hard against the door. She would have kicked him if he hadn't angled his body and pressed his hip into her pelvis. "No," she said, trying to push his hands off her thighs. "Don't do this. Nick will never forgive you. You'll lose him for good." LaCroix ceased his task, moving his hands so that his fingers tightened around her wrists and pushed them up and over her head, pressing them against the door. "He'll hate you more than--" Leaning forward LaCroix whispered, "Maybe that's how it has to be." He released her hands and again reached for her skirt. "No...no!" The second time she screamed and was rewarded with a hand over her mouth; but more importantly it caused him to pause again. "Perhaps Nicholas must hate me," he hissed. "Invariably when we set aside at least some of our differences he becomes... Nicholas is more content with what he is when we disagree about some misdeed of mine. He does not dwell on his burdensome thoughts when he has another focus." Natalie held still, listening to the strange change to LaCroix' voice; he truly thought doing this would help Nick, and seemed to even be slightly blaming himself. She tensed as his hand slipped from her face and she again felt his hands on her. Natalie wanted to struggle, to scream, but as he kissed her neck she suggested, "Maybe that just seems to be the case because when you don't argue he feels he can trust you with his feelings. You don't have to make him hate you. He doesn't want to hate you." Her words made him stop, and she pleaded, "Please don't. Not for me; I don't care what you do to me, but don't manipulate him like this, and don't use me to hurt him, or anger him. I'm not sure he could handle it right now, and it might backfire. Badly. I think you know this. Otherwise you wouldn't be listening." LaCroix simmered, but he had to admit she was right. If his son's mood didn't improve he could always think up some other plan... He moved his hands up to Natalie's waist and moved back so that he no longer had her pinned to the door. Natalie relaxed and silently attempted to straighten her clothes. She wanted this over with and got her wish instantly. He bit rather harshly into her neck, but as this was what she had been expecting she didn't resist. Her thoughts turned to Nick as she started to feel lightheaded, then slowly lost consciousness. LaCroix continued to drink as long as he dared; every extra drop of her blood was precious and could speed his son's healing. Stopping, he easily lifted her now limp body, which draped over his arms as he carried her to and gently laid her on the neatly made bed. He leaned over her and whispered, "Only a few moments now dear Natalie." In a flash he bit and ripped the skin of his wrist with a wince and a smile, then held his bleeding wound over her mouth. Practically the moment his blood touched her lips she responded, attempting to take a swallow. She was quite eager, and he grinned, even as she bit him, not with fangs but all her teeth. "Very good, Natalie," he soothed as she continued to suckle at his closing wound. When no more blood could be extracted, he pulled his hand away to find Natalie wide awake, still quite human in appearance. He had been pleased at the unusual immediate response--usually there was none for minutes or even an hour after being provided the blood--but those unconscious moments were when the transformation took place. Natalie felt stiff and painful, and the room was as dark and ill-defined as it had been when she had entered. She could taste some indescribable liquid in her mouth and knew from this that LaCroix had done it and not just had a taste of her blood. LaCroix, however, didn't seem very pleased as he leaned over her. Trying to sit up, Natalie gasped from far sharper pain in what had to be every muscle that she moved. She also felt lightheaded to the point she feared passing out. Before that happened she felt hands pushing her back. "Shh, you should rest." "Is this normal? When I move...it hurts to move." "The only abnormal aspect is that you are awake. The pain will likely subside as you transform. I will remain with you until--" "No, go to Nick, help him." "Nicholas can wait." "He already has...you brought me across. You fed from me first to make yourself stronger so that you could then help him." She closed her eyes as a wave of pain coursed through her. "I'll be fine, I-I think. Help Nick." Somewhat reluctantly LaCroix stood and started to turn. "And let Tracy leave." LaCroix paused at the request, then continued out without a reply. Natalie closed her eyes after watching LaCroix leave. She wanted to follow him, but her body, her muscles and even her bones seemed to ache. She wanted to be there when Nick woke, and she would. LaCroix had wanted her to rest, but staying there on the bed, alone, was difficult. As seconds ticked by Natalie began to hear Nick's alarm clock faintly humming with power, the quick pulse of Tracy downstairs-- Sharp pain sliced through her jaw; her fangs had just descended for the first time, and when she opened her eyes Natalie found the room's contents now easily discernible. The stiff, achy feeling seemed to be slowly fading, and she cautiously rolled onto one side. Again she closed her eyes, willing her hungry fangs to retract. They wouldn't. Her other senses all remained super-acute as well. She couldn't hear any talking from downstairs, just Tracy's heart and the occasional clink from her handcuffs on the railing. Since turning on her side Natalie could smell Nick's scent on the pillow, although it was different now...stronger and sweeter smelling, but also somewhat unfamiliar. Would she now smell different to Nick? She remembered how he had breathed in her scent when he had dropped by the morgue. Would it bother him if she smelled different and unfamiliar? With the worry, Natalie's senses returned to normal, the room dimmed slightly, and with an ache her new fangs became normal-feeling once again. Now, however, a dull, gnawing hunger had started, and she couldn't seem to block out the quick cadence of Tracy's pulse. Immediately her fangs descended once more, and she wished Tracy would leave...or more specifically, that LaCroix would let her. Natalie knew she would need blood before nightfall came, and she feared what would happen to Tracy if she remained. One mortal and three vampires--one injured, one brand new, and one ticked off and soon to be bled out--couldn't be a good thing. Broken Lies - (28/42) Tracy had somewhat resigned herself to being stuck, cuffed to the stairs. It was awkward. She couldn't sit down, and while she could probably kneel, the cement floor stopped her from even testing that out. Initially she had hoped to find some way loose, but the rails were rather sturdy. She had heard Natalie scream and disliked the possibilities of why. Several minutes had passed after that before LaCroix had returned...alone. His burns were gone and he looked oddly healthy...he didn't have the pale or pasty cast to his skin he had other times she had seen him. She had pulled away as he had walked past where he had tied her, but she had glanced up as he passed. His wrist had blood smears near the base of his palm. She didn't have to ask what that meant. He had drank Natalie's blood and by her guess made her into a vampire as well. That made her mad, but Tracy held back the urge to tell him what she thought about that and LaCroix himself. He was an evil, manipulating bastard who had made two of the nicest, smartest, and most caring people she had ever met into vampires. That had probably been at least part of what had driven her partner to a very solid suicide attempt, and who knew what it would now do to Natalie. She felt sick being in the same room with LaCroix, and not because he was a vampire but because of what he had done. Tracy had then watched LaCroix as much as she could. She had felt somewhat pleased upon catching a wince from him as it looked like he used the knife Natalie had retrieved to cut either his opposite hand or wrist--she couldn't see what he was doing, quite, from where she was tied in place. But then, a few minutes later, he had again gotten to his feet...then turned and looked right at her. She looked away only to relax when a short while later she heard a chain slink slowly onto Nick's wooden kitchen table: The watch. Tracy glanced toward the noise and saw the sheet of paper held up. As she watched, LaCroix seemed to get angrier. Finishing the note, LaCroix abruptly ripped it to pieces, tearing it in half, stacking the torn pieces of paper, and tearing it again multiple times. His son had wanted him to ensure he died if by chance something had gone wrong. And see to it that Natalie never wanted for anything, removing her memories of him or at least her feelings for him if necessary. Setting the stack of torn paper by the pocket watch, his only real, tangible gift to the other man, his eyes bored into the barely filled glass. Only a few swallows of his son's blood filled the glass not even halfway. The blood was the younger's proof that he could no longer stand living as he had of late. LaCroix didn't know from the note whether his child was blowing his feelings out of proportion, but the glass of 'proof' gave him pause. He carefully picked the glass up, took a small sip, and cringed at what the rather fresh blood told him. It tasted of death and despair, but also devotion and a calm acceptance. Whether or not he agreed with his son's reasons, he had no doubt his child had been prepared and ready to die. Tracy shifted her hands, which brought LaCroix' gaze toward her. "I didn't read it." LaCroix set the glass down, not taking his eyes off Tracy. "Then how did you know there was something to read?" "Fine. I read the first sentence, but that was it." She uncomfortably fidgeted. "Is, ah, will Natalie be all right?" "She will be fine." "Did you--" "Make her like myself and Nicholas?" He smirked ever so faintly. "Yes." "And Nick?" "He will recover," LaCroix answered firmly, as if saying it with certainty would make it true. "Mentally or physically?" "His physical wounds will heal first of course, but Nicholas has bounced back from similar situations." Tracy swallowed, not liking how he was looking at her. As he took a couple of steps toward her, she nervously asked, "What similar situations?" but he just smiled evilly at her. "And why don't you call him 'Nick'? I don't think I've ever heard him use his full name like that." "I've always called him Nicholas; he's never objected." Tracy just stared at the vampire as her mind worked. Something seemed off. She had the impression Nick and LaCroix were only acquaintances, if that, before Nick had become a vampire, but the way LaCroix spoke of 'similar situations', plural, and 'always' having used Nick's full name...it sounded more like they had known one another for years rather than mere months. "How well did you know Nick before...before you brought him over? When did you two meet?" LaCroix' grin widened. "Not well, and a while ago." Tracy again uncomfortably shifted. Once more that made no sense. 'Not well' implied they had probably only met once, maybe twice, but 'a while' hinted at the opposite--that they had met longer than a few months ago. And that wretched smirk of his...it was like he was silently laughing at her, or amused by her questions and what he had to know were unhelpful answers. "Will you please take these off?" she said rattling the cuffs. "So you can leave?" "Yes. I can help." "Like you have been by constantly watching him?" Tracy's jaw slid open. She figured LaCroix had perhaps seen her at the club a couple of times, but... "I've been concerned about him." "As have we all, apparently." "Maybe Nat and I are, but you just seem to be...angry." "Of course I am angry. Nicholas has turned his back on the gift I gave him." "Maybe he didn't want it." LaCroix chuckled. "Oh, he wanted this." "I don't believe you. Nick wouldn't have chosen this; he would have seen through you." But when LaCroix chuckled again, almost giggled and then moved ever closer, Tracy felt a bit of doubt. When it came to it, she really didn't know a lot about her partner, but she knew he had issues with what he was--even LaCroix seemed to admit that. She inched back as he stepped right in front of her. "Let Tracy leave." LaCroix' smile widened, and he glanced up at Natalie for a moment, who was walking slowly toward the top of the stairs. Natalie tried to keep her anger and growing hunger in check; she didn't want to change in front of Tracy. She had decided to leave the bedroom due to the hints LaCroix had started to use to tease Tracy, and Tracy had been taking this hard. She had to get LaCroix to let Tracy leave before he revealed Tracy had been duped...by all of them, including her friend Vachon. And if LaCroix revealed the lie anyway, at least Tracy wouldn't just have LaCroix' biased and teasing explanation, not that hers would be well received. As Natalie reached the top of the stairs, LaCroix replied to Tracy, "Nicholas did choose to become a vampire; just ask Natalie." His smile vanished as he looked back at Tracy, who was trying to pull further away from him. "Granted, she's become rather an expert at secret-keeping, so she probably won't answer..." "Natalie?" Tracy tried turning to glance up at Natalie. "What does he mean, secret-keeping? What secret?" "Isn't it obvious?" LaCroix asked. Tracy was still confused. Nothing was obvious, or not obvious enough for her, apparently. She knew Nick's secret: He was a vampire. "Your questions about how well we know one another and when we met...he met me the night he chose this. A disillusioned white knight, a crusader who no longer believed good prevailed in anything, anyone...including himself. Weren't you curious about your partner's...allergy?" Suddenly her answer did, indeed, become obvious: Nick had already been a vampire when he had been shot, when she was assigned to him, very probably even before he met Natalie. The secret wasn't what Nick was, but how long he'd been a vampire. "You've been 'played' I believe is the current colloquial." Tracy simmered in anger, but now so much made sense, including the note about not having trusted her. This had to have been what he meant. It explained a little about her research into the previous owner of the Raven as well, she supposed. Janette hadn't done anything to Nick or led him to LaCroix...Nick had already known her who knows how long...decades, maybe even a century or few. She was angrier with Vachon than either Nick or Natalie. Vachon making her think Nick was 'normal' was the main reason she never really considered that Nick could have been a vampire before he had been shot. That one moment at the end of their first case had been the basis of so very many of her guesses. True, Nick would have had to go along with it, but at that point, honestly, they weren't really even partners, and with what had happened she had been surprised one or both of them hadn't been reassigned. As far as she knew Nick had made the same assumption, then perhaps didn't know how to correct it. "No more questions?" asked LaCroix. "Of course I have more questions," she nearly snapped. "But I'd rather ask Nick himself." Tracy sighed, shifting her tired arms again. There was one question she felt it didn't matter who she asked. "How, ah, how old is he?" "Eight hundred and two...or there about," LaCroix answered. Tracy felt the blood drain out of her face. Eight hundred? Nick was eight hundred and a bit years old? "Nicholas has been a vampire for, let's see, 767, almost 768 of those years? Since 1228. Late summer." He smirked, turned, and walked away a few paces. Tracy, still spacey, turned her gaze up to Natalie. The other woman's expression clearly told her this wasn't new information to her. "How long have you known?" "Nearly six years," Natalie admitted. "From the night we met." She started slowly down the stairs. Keeping to the opposite side of where Tracy was cuffed, Natalie held onto the railing, trying to remain calm. As she had passed Tracy she had felt a nearly overwhelming urge to bite her...kill her. She had to get Tracy out of there even if she had to try breaking the handcuffs open with her bare hands. Walking up to LaCroix, she demanded, "Where is the key to the cuffs?" Initially LaCroix just glared back, but he smoothly pulled the small key out of his pocket and held it up. Natalie snatched it out of his fingers and hurried purposely over to Tracy. Then carefully, trying not to either look at or touch her, Natalie unlocked the cuffs. She froze at one point after her hand had brushed Tracy's; her fangs had come down at the hot feeling of the other woman's skin. She could now hear every nuance of Tracy's heartbeat and the nervousness in her quick breaths. "Thanks," Tracy muttered once free, her handcuffs and the key being held out to her. "Do you still have my keys?" Tracy searched, and yep. She pulled them out. "Will you still do what I asked?" Natalie looked up into Tracy's gaze. Even before seeing Natalie's eyes, Tracy had started to nod. "I'll get as much as I can." "We'll talk later, I promise." Tracy still didn't quite know how to react to the secret that had been kept from her, but she again managed a weak nod and started for the elevator. Both Natalie and LaCroix watched Tracy as she left, then after a shared glance Natalie's senses zoomed in on a rather strong blood-scent from the dining area. Walking toward it, she easily recognised the source...a glass sitting on the table. It looked like it had already been drank out of. She approached, but just as she reached for the glass a hand stopped her. "It's Nick's, right? I want to--" "No," LaCroix harshly said and dragged Natalie away from the table. "I know blood contains emotions, even memories. I want to know how he was feeling before--" "You cannot have any until you have properly fed. I am unsure of the consequences." "Then when Tracy returns--" "If she returns..." "She'll return." With that, Natalie pulled her arm from his hand. "I know she will." "Then I would advise against acting on your curiosity." "It's not just curiosity. I want to help him however I can." She turned to look at Nick's still unconscious body on the sofa. "I can't do anything for him, can I? Not until..." Natalie closed her eyes. With Tracy's tempting blood gone she was feeling tired. Whether it was from being more or less a walking zombie, from being awake all night, or was a side effect of it being day--or a combination of those--she didn't have a clue. Then, suddenly, she changed the topic. "You didn't have to tell her, not like that, and not right that instant." "She would have found out eventually; with how much time she has spent at the Raven it's amazing she hasn't discovered the truth before now." Not wanting to argue--she suspected she'd lose, anyway--Natalie walked over to the sofa and carefully lowered herself to the floor. She sat leaning against the leather, facing Nick, and carefully pulled his nearer arm, his still burnt arm, down so that she could hold it. Nick's skin was warm, his arm dead weight, and a thin, red scar sliced along his wrist. He was still more or less dead. And she couldn't help him. Once certain Natalie wouldn't pick up the bloody knife, LaCroix turned and slowly paced. Until this moment, seeing her caress his son's arm, he hadn't realised how entwined the two had become...especially on her part. He now worried more for his child--now two of his children--than he had upon arriving. If he lost one, would he lose the other? *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Tracy had come to a stop outside the coroner's building much as she had outside Nick's. Her mind had been racing the whole way there, her thoughts a mix of anger, awe, and confusion. She wasn't just amazed at Nick's age, but that...well, he had a real job, and had chosen it with already being a vampire. Vachon didn't work...and hadn't for some time that she was aware. Either he had friends to mooch off or he had a stack of old gold coins or something he could sell a few of when needed. And while LaCroix had a job--two, actually--she suspected he got others to do the bulk of his work at the club. Plus he was more or less self-employed or his own employer. She doubted he needed the money. Nick also probably didn't need the money, which made him and his job all the more interesting. A vampire homicide detective. A year ago she would have laughed at how very silly and just plain ludicrous that sounded. But she knew enough about vampires to see how suited a vampire could be to the job, though, if they could handle being around blood. And Nick *was* a good cop, regardless. She didn't want to make assumptions otherwise, not until she could talk to Nick alone...or if not alone, at least without LaCroix being there. Trying not to think about Nick or the lies woven about him more than necessary, Tracy got out of Natalie's car and headed inside with one task on her mind: Get in, get blood, and get out without being seen. She had done it before right in front of Natalie, although now she wondered if Natalie had known what was going on and decided to pretend she hadn't noticed. Other thoughts hit her at that wondering. Natalie would have known a vampire had been involved with the Eckhart case. She had seen the wounds at the scene, so Natalie--as the medical examiner who not only was at the scene but had done the autopsy--certainly had to have seen them. She had covered that body up, too, as if trying to hide that part of the victim's wounds from everyone, including her. How often did Natalie see vampire victims on her table? How often did she cover up for them? Had she had more unexplainable deaths since she had met Nick? Her curiosities dried up as she entered the morgue to find an autopsy in progress. Natalie's intern was working on the body. So much for not being seen pulling blood out of the refrigerator. But there was still the cabinet. She pulled Natalie's keys back out and started to the cabinet hoping no one would question her. She made it there, knelt, and looked for the key. "Something I can get you, Detective?" said the intern. "Er, no. Just getting something Nat got for me a while ago," she fumbled, harshly looking up as she unlocked the drawer. Inside was a rather full bottle of blood that looked rather like the ones Vachon had: Green glass with just a cork in it...but this one had a label. The Raven. And it looked like it had already been opened at some point. She pulled it out and set it on the floor while she relocked the drawer, trying not to think about *that* or look at it again. Pulling herself up using the file cabinet, Tracy's eyes momentarily caught on a framed photograph, then darted away as she grabbed the wine bottle's neck. Realising something was off, she looked back at the photograph and her jaw slacked as she picked it up. She had seen the photo before, but before it had just confirmed her reasoning that Nick hadn't been and couldn't have been a vampire before he'd wound up in the hospital. And that Nick and Nat were good friends. But now...now Nick's grinning, sun-kissed face just stared at her, mocking her. There he was a vampire and out in the sun. She believed that Nick had indeed been a vampire for centuries as LaCroix had said, but only because she didn't think he'd lie so bluntly...not when he was revealing the lie...and Natalie hadn't contradicted him in the slightest. But right in front of her was a picture of Nick outside during the day. How? Vampires and sunlight didn't mix at all. But there Nick grinned, wider and more genuinely than she had ever seen. Natalie stood next to him, but while smiling she didn't seem so outright ecstatic. Tracy forced herself to put the picture frame down and look away. Then she gave the intern who seemed to be watching a half-smile as she scurried out. Tracy paused in the hallway, almost leaning back against the wall. She felt rather empty-handed. The only place she knew she would almost undoubtedly be able to obtain more blood was Vachon's. She had absolutely no desire to talk to Vachon right now; she wanted to yell at someone, and at present he was the only one that would sit and let her, deserved it, and wouldn't somehow make today even worse. But she could go and refuse to talk. She could manage that. This time when she got back in Natalie's car, the lone bottle put down on the floor of the passenger's seat, Tracy didn't hesitate one bit. She pushed by traffic and upon reaching the church she didn't pause before heading on inside. She didn't even knock. Only once inside did Tracy have to pause to let her eyes adjust some to the dim. Only a couple--literally, a couple--candles were lit rather than the usual few dozen. Then she went to the first crate she could make out and groped for bottles. Empty, empty, empty...and then some old, yellow light switched on and she spun to find Vachon right behind her. "I do have lights, you know," Vachon commented, glancing between Tracy and the crate of bottles she had been prodding. "Not that you use them," Tracy snapped back, then asked what she came there for, "Do you have any full ones?" She waited, but he just stared at her looking a bit perplexed. "I need, I guess, two or three at least." "Why?" Vachon asked, the request odd. "Because I do. Where, Vachon?" He nodded toward another crate and watched her dart toward it. "Did something happen? Trace?" She spun. "Yes, Vachon, something happened." He looked her over as she pulled out several bottles. He could smell a slight tinge of fresh blood around Tracy, but it wasn't hers. "Whose blood is that?" Tracy put back a bottle after testing that four could be carry-able, leaving her with three to add to the one she had retrieved from the morgue, and turned. Vachon now looked rather concerned, and she gave in. "It's probably Nick's," she replied, then started for the doors only to have her path blocked by Vachon. "Move." "What happened to your partner? And why do you need all those?" "Nick is unconscious...injured. Now move." Vachon, however, stayed put. "And those?" "Fine. I'm pretty sure without these I'll be murdered by either Natalie or that creep." "Dr. Lambert and LaCroix?" "Yes." "Why would--" "Because Natalie is one of you--just barely--and LaCroix seems ticked like usual. Now get out of my way before I look for a nice pointy stick to jab...somewhere." Still he didn't budge. "I mean it, Vachon. You lied to me about Nick, all of you. He's been a vampire a few centuries longer than you've even lived." As Vachon couldn't go much paler, his eyes widened slightly at the statement. "Trace--" "Save it." Vachon lightly grabbed Tracy's arm as she pushed by him, which gained him an icy glare. "Don't be too hard on either your partner or Lambert, all right?" Tracy suppressed the urge to respond sarcastically or roll her eyes and silently left. She still didn't know how to react. Broken Lies - (29/42) LaCroix discretely kept watch on his new daughter. Natalie was in pain. And his son still hadn't stirred, his two serious wounds only partly healed. Even he, himself, felt weary; he had stopped pacing a few minutes after the mortal detective had left to conserve strength. He hoped Natalie was right in that she would return...for Natalie's sake. Waiting until nightfall to replenish what he had given to his son would also be quite uncomfortable. If his son was not given more blood before then, he would surely remain in his coma-like state until he was. But Natalie...awake and panicked, she would become desperate. Even now he could see her trembling, clutching at her lover's hand. This was likely the only thing keeping her from prowling within the apartment, looking for anything to sustain her...or going for the glass on the dining table once more out of need rather than curiosity. Or she could also desperately attack and feed from either her brother or himself. That last was what he was primarily watching for, as she disliked him and would surely go for him first. Finally, nearly half an hour later, he heard the elevator start its way back up. So had Natalie, and he shot her a warning glare before walking toward the door. He only had to wait a couple of seconds before the freight came to a halt, and he yanked the door open. Tracy froze, one hand reaching toward the now open space where LaCroix stood. She had two bottles held by one arm, and the other two were at her feet. "Where's Natalie?" "With Nicholas," he absently answered, his eyes on the bottles held by Tracy's arm: One was the bottle he had given to his son, and he reached forward and pulled it from her. It would be Natalie's first. "I can guess where you got this. The others are from?" "Vachon," Tracy said. "I couldn't get any other blood from the morgue, and I figured that wouldn't be enough, so I--" "You do not need to explain." He glanced toward his children. "I suggest you keep back. Or leave." Tracy's gaze turned toward the sofa. Natalie's bright, hungry eyes stared right into hers. Breaking the gaze and trying not to think about the danger she was in, Tracy picked up the other two bottles as she stood holding the freight's door open. She then semi-followed LaCroix toward the kitchen, but kept her distance. She didn't know why he wasn't going straight over to Nick and Natalie. When he pulled out two wine glasses, she relaxed and put the three bottles she had on the counter and watched LaCroix and Natalie even though she knew it would be better to go home. She really wanted to at least make sure Nick would be all right; she planned to stay until he regained consciousness, barring being forced to leave. LaCroix kept his eyes on Natalie as he walked over and sat in the chair a few feet from her. He only took his gaze away as he uncorked the bottle, made sure it had remained fresh with a quick sniff of the contents, and then poured a glass. The moment he had pulled the bottle away from the glass Natalie lunged forward to take it. He didn't let go of the bottle as she tugged on it. "This will be much easier...faster," he soothed and held the glass out. Natalie quickly released the bottle and snatched the glass out of LaCroix' hand. The room-temperature blood let off a faint aroma, but she barely noticed it; she upended the glass at once, taking long swallows until the glass had been emptied. Immediately she felt less tired and the pain that had been lingering and building melted into oblivion. The glass was refilled and she gulped it down as well. A third glassful vanished more slowly, and she noticed other changes: Her already excellent vision became even crisper, and her knee pain that had worsened upon kneeling by the sofa completely disappeared. The latter had been quite painful since her and Nick's day of roughhousing had gone a bit wrong. She had done something to aggravate it then, but now it felt better than it had in years...ever, really. Natalie almost startled as LaCroix emptied his own glass then held out the remainder of the bottle to her. He looked rather blank again, and he stood and walked away as she took it. Tracy's gaze met Natalie's again, but then LaCroix moved to block her view. "You should leave," LaCroix coldly stated. "I'm not leaving until I know Nick will be okay." "He will be fine. You know enough about us to know that." "I want to see him awake, not--" Tracy nodded toward her partner. She nearly added being concerned about Natalie, but didn't think that would go over well. Natalie, after all, was probably fine as far as LaCroix would be concerned. "When will he wake? He wasn't out much more than an hour and a half, maybe two hours when he was shot before, and it's nearly been that." "We require blood to heal; Nicholas was, I believe, fortified more than once in that instance?" He turned and smirked at Natalie, who nodded after a moment. "He will wake once he heals," he told Tracy, and then turned and grabbed one of the other bottles. Tracy just stood there at first, then she sank into a chair at the kitchen table. The pocket watch was no longer there, and the note still sat as a stack of ripped pieces of paper. What else had Nick written in the note beyond an apology? Looking over toward Natalie, she could see Natalie now drinking straight from the bottle. Natalie seemed subdued. What, exactly, had LaCroix done to her upstairs? She had heard Natalie scream, and to her that meant either he had intentionally injured her, that he had brought Natalie over against her will, or he had raped her. She had the impression Natalie wasn't upset about becoming a vampire, and the first possibility didn't seem like something he'd do...not quite. But rape? That's about how she'd scream if someone was going too far with her and wouldn't stop when asked or told. And it's not like Natalie could have fought him...a human against a vampire with no weapons...the vampire would always win. She wished LaCroix wasn't there so that they could talk. Natalie, while no longer really wanting the blood, slowly finished the bottle. She wanted to help Nick. She also wanted a taste of his thoughts...before he woke. She set the empty bottle on the coffee table, pausing seeing Tracy's weapon and the knife she had taken from the kitchen. Releasing her grip on the bottle, she slowly picked up the knife. When LaCroix stood and started toward her, Natalie hastily went to put the knife back, but fingers wrapped around that wrist and pulled her up off the floor. Once Natalie nervously stood before him, LaCroix bent slightly and whispered, "If you wish to help him..." "Yes, you know I do." "Then sit next to him or kneel. You will need to cut each of your wrists and hold the wounds together. When you feel momentarily dizzy, then better, you must cease. Do you understand?" Natalie nodded, eager to help Nick. "I do not know the consequences of you doing this so soon, so do precisely as I said." He released her with a slight push on her shoulder, and returned to the nearby chair. Natalie carefully sat on the edge of the cushions, her new nature already showing her how previously uncomfortable or difficult actions now were simple. She then did as instructed, cutting first Nick's and then her own wrist, putting the knife back on the table with the towel and washcloth. The cut didn't hurt in the slightest, instead tingling, almost itching as it tried to heal. Placing their wounds together Natalie closed her eyes as she felt something akin to pain as Nick's body pulled in her blood, weakening her. Instinctively she wanted to release her hold of his hand, but she held on tighter. Opening her eyes she saw Nick flinch. "Nick?" she called, touching his face with her free hand. He looked like he was dreaming or about to wake. Slowly she started to feel like she had before she had had the blood--hungry and tired--and reluctantly Natalie let Nick's hand fall away from hers. Then she watched as her cut healed. It tingled and itched again until her skin became unblemished...which took a matter of seconds. Examining where she had cut Nick, she could see that it had already healed substantially...even more than the cut LaCroix had made earlier. The burns on that arm were also finally healing. Leaning forward she looked at his head wound; again, markedly better. "Nicholas will heal without your constant prodding. You should strengthen yourself," LaCroix whispered. "And perhaps try...reassuring Miss Vetter. I grow tired of her persistent sense of panic." Natalie looked up, but LaCroix wasn't looking her way. He was drinking from a glass of his own, and her attention shifted to Tracy...who sat at the kitchen table with her head in her hands. Tracy looked awful; she had since Natalie had found her with Nick. Upon standing, Natalie felt a tad dizzy, and Tracy's form seemed to shift red in her vision for a moment. Grabbing her glass, Natalie tore her eyes from Tracy and her flighty heart, and walked quickly to the kitchen and one of the two remaining bottles. She yanked the cork out and poured a glassful, which she quickly drank. Then she refilled it, drank half, then finally topped it off. That should be enough for now, she hoped. Turning, she found Tracy watching her. It looked like she wanted to say something, and Natalie slowly walked to the table with her glass and sat opposite of Tracy. For a moment Tracy eyed the glass of blood, then Natalie. The other woman didn't seem one bit bothered by drinking the blood, or if she was it didn't show. "Nat, are you, er, doing okay?" she whispered. "Yeah, I'm okay. I think. For now, anyway," Natalie replied. Her own voice sounded slightly different, like she could hear more of its nuances. Tracy couldn't bear it any longer and quietly asked, "Did he, ah, earlier did he hurt you?" Natalie shook her head. "No, he didn't hurt me." Tracy couldn't tell if it was a lie or not. She glanced briefly toward LaCroix to check that he hadn't budged, and he hadn't. "How is Nick doing? Is he healing?" "He's stirring, sleeping more than...well, being more or less dead. The burns and his head wound were healing; they're probably mostly healed by now." "So he'll wake up soon?" Natalie nodded. "Probably; any time within the next hour or so by my guess." She fiddled with her glass, her eyes on the other glass on the table. "Will he be all right?" "I don't know." Tracy fidgeted, her eyes once again darting toward LaCroix and Nick. "Nat, earlier when you said this wasn't my fault--" "I meant it." "But it was only after he had been shot and I started suspecting what he was that... Is it from when he was shot? Had he really been getting his memories back, or was that a lie?" At first Natalie was a bit taken aback, but of course Tracy would now doubt anything she had been told. "It was a combination of things, but being shot was part of it, I think," she said vaguely. Then, standing for a moment, Natalie grabbed the glass with Nick's blood in it and pulled it toward her. Tracy's eyes followed the glass, then snapped to movement in her peripheral vision: LaCroix had stood and turned toward them. Looking back at Natalie, Tracy muttered, "A part of it. But what else?" The only thing she could think of was when Vachon and Screed had gotten sick. Nick very possibly had as well. "Did the rest have to do with that illness?" Natalie fiddled with the glass. She didn't know for sure what all contributed, but knew it'd require a lot of explaining. "I'm sure it contributed. It's complicated." LaCroix half-laughed at the answer. "It's not *that* complicated. Nicholas was shot and lost his memory, then possessed, and then nearly died of a virus...in a matter of weeks. Add that to his recent losses, his stubborn attachment to this particular life, and his self-burdening ways, and--" "Possessed?" Tracy said, her mind trying to wrap around what he was saying. "What do you mean, possessed?" LaCroix smiled, walking closer to Natalie. "Shall I explain that, or shall you?" he asked Natalie. "One of the many things of late we've...collaborated on." "Vanderwal," Natalie said. "When you two questioned him during the exorcism..." "That was real? I mean, not some sham or some self-fulfilling belief?" "Apparently," LaCroix answered. "Nick has been having trouble with... Those things have put him on edge, and he doesn't..." Natalie wasn't sure how to explain it, couldn't without telling Tracy a lot more. "Nick doesn't...what?" Natalie closed her eyes. "He doesn't like what he is. He had been primarily drinking cow's blood for the past century, and--" "And before that he was often particular about who he killed...or he wouldn't kill at all." Natalie turned and shot a glare at LaCroix, before continuing, "And he's been trying to find a way to reverse it for even longer." "Practically since the moment he woke." "Will you just--" "Just what?" LaCroix asked his daughter rather coldly. Stiffening, Natalie held back. She possibly now had all eternity to tell him to shut up and stuff it however many times she pleased. Tracy shrank in her chair a bit at the other two's exchanged glares. Turning back to Tracy, Natalie added, "And I've been trying to help him, to cure him, and will continue to do so if that is what he wants." The last she said still looking at LaCroix. Tracy flashed on the photo at the morgue. "You've gotten close, haven't you? There's a photo of him outside during the day at the morgue..." "I had found something that suppresses, ah, symptoms." "But?" "It turned out to be addictive...quite addictive." "And?" LaCroix prodded. "And it was temporary and gave him a high. Since that failed I think he has slowly felt more hopeless, especially after more recent events. He views what he is as evil and being shown that demons exist and then a retrovirus that only kills that evil... It has reinforced his beliefs about what he is." Tracy felt horrible; she hadn't known Nick felt that way, nor had she even noticed anything had been up with Nick when he would have been possessed. Not really. If she remembered right he had looked a bit ill and went home...it must have been that. It's not like a vampire would need to take a sick day. She felt stupid and foolish, and she wondered if that's what Nick thought of her. LaCroix' amusement pointed to his opinion of her. But if Nick thought he was evil, that vampires were evil, what about Natalie? "Will Nick be okay with ah, you being like him?" Natalie dropped her gaze to the glass of Nick's blood. "I'm not sure. I hope so. It's not what he wanted." "Nicholas will be fine with it," LaCroix answered, his tone even, almost angry. "Although, yes, he probably did this in an attempt to prevent that very fate." Natalie vaguely nodded, knowing the guess was likely true. She further fingered the glass of Nick's blood, picking it up off the table. Immediately she felt fingers dig into her shoulder. "It was not for you." "I know," she whispered. "But it was to show you that he was ready, or that he didn't see an alternative, or that he really wanted...whatever, right?" Natalie turned to look at LaCroix, but the other neither affirmed nor denied her words. "I want to know. Please. I don't think he'd mind." At first, LaCroix merely continued to hold Natalie's shoulder in a tight, claw-like grip. He suspected his son would very much mind, and she had no idea what she was requesting. But perhaps it would be better if she knew the intensity of her lover's emotions? He pulled his hand away slowly, hesitating just before he let go, then turned his back to the table. He would feel her reaction to the blood. He didn't need to see it as well. "Nat?" Natalie ignored Tracy and took a small swallow of the blood in the glass. In an instant she felt different...oppressed with worry and self-hatred. She literally felt ill, and she sat the glass down in disgust and closed her eyes. Blocking out her vision didn't help; it allowed shadowy images to flit by. The images varied but most were something Nick had done and regretted, she guessed, some terrible loss, or just confusing. And then amongst it all was his hope for her to live, unhindered by him or the supernatural. None of what Nick had wanted or hoped for had happened. Instead of forcibly excising himself from her life so that she could have the normal life she couldn't with him, and just in general finally put an end to his life of taking from others...instead he was alive with her now forcibly tying him to life. He was tired of so much that she wondered if he'd ever be capable of accepting himself as imperfect...something many mortals couldn't do. She could lose him. Nick could and very possibly would wake unhappy to the point he could barely function. Even as the intensity of Nick's blood started to decrease, she still felt ill, worrying about Nick and afraid he would pull away from her even more once he woke. "Natalie, are you all right?" Natalie's eyes snapped to Tracy. "Fine," she whispered, not sounding fine at all. Then she abruptly stood. Tracy watched Natalie return back to the sofa, where she sank back to the floor clutching Nick's nearer arm. Standing, she immediately found LaCroix' glare on her. "Is there anything I can do?" she helplessly asked. LaCroix was too preoccupied to bother answering, and he returned silently to the chair near his children. Taking the silence as an okay to remain, Tracy slowly inched closer to the others, her eyes on Nick. She wished he would wake. While at least he didn't look like one of their murder victims on a black leather slab any longer, the sole fact that he remained unconscious bothered her. He didn't look remotely comfortable or serenely slumbering; if he did, it wouldn't bother her seeing him lying there. She might even feel comfortable leaving. Broken Lies - (30/42) Several minutes passed, then suddenly Nick jerked his hand sharply to the side, his arms pulling up at the same time. His eyes snapped open and he took a silent, gasping breath as he woke. Natalie quickly got to her knees and leaned over Nick so that he had to look at her and see her. "Nick?" Nick barely digested his name being said or Natalie's face hovering before him. He waited, expecting his surroundings to somehow transform, but they didn't. He hadn't woken in Hell, but at his loft. He hadn't died, but he knew he should have. He could hear Natalie trying to tell him he'd be okay, but he didn't feel that way. Trying to sit up, it took a couple of attempts before his muscles responded, and then Natalie was in his way. Then she was flitting around him making him dizzy. Seeing Nick look half-sick and half about ready to faint, Natalie wrapped her arms around his back as she sat where he had been lying. She helped steady him as he sat up properly, his legs swinging slowly, one-by-one, to the floor. He barely seemed aware of his surroundings, and she gently turned him to face her. She cupped her hand around Nick's neck, her thumb on his cheek. Looking at Natalie, Nick's vision finally stood still. Something seemed out of place. His senses seemed dimmed, her hand barely felt warm. He raised his hand, wrapping his fingers gently and slowly around her wrist. Her skin still didn't seem as wonderfully hot as usual and her pulse... Natalie had been brought across. That was what had changed, and he asked, horrified, "What did he do to you?" Natalie had a hard time remaining calm; Nick's horror and sadness at realising she was now a vampire rang clear in his voice, even without his expression. "Shh, nothing," she told him. "He didn't force me to do anything." Nick pulled her hand from his face and held it tightly in his between them. His gaze had lowered. "Nick--" Nick's eyes snapped right to LaCroix. "What did you do?" he hissed. "Why didn't you do as I had asked?" "Please, Nick, don't blame him," Natalie pleaded, keeping hold of his hand. "It's not his fault. It was my choice." Nick didn't listen, first merely continuing to glare at LaCroix, then he stood. Or tried to. Immediately his muscles gave out, and he stumbled until Natalie steadied him, standing at his side. He haphazardly tried to push Natalie's hands away and move toward LaCroix, only to stumble again. This time he fell to his knees. He tried to stand again, but felt too lightheaded. "Why, LaCroix?" "I did not know of your request until after. And by our last conversation you seemed to have decided it was her choice. She chose." Nick's eyes drifted away from LaCroix for a moment, trying to digest what might have happened. While he didn't feel unconditionally overjoyed by Natalie's transformation, he also didn't feel overly upset. What was done was done. His gaze drifted back to LaCroix. "But you stopped me, moved me--" "No, but I would have." Nick turned to Natalie, but she shook her head. Tracy reluctantly moved closer; Nick hadn't given her a glance since he woke. "That was me. I pushed you out of the sunlight." Nick turned toward the voice, only now noticing Tracy even though she wasn't far from LaCroix. He closed his eyes and bowed his head in concentration. "Come on, Nick," Natalie whispered, leaning down. "Sit back down." She tugged up on him, but he roughly shrugged her away. "Nick?" Nick twitched out of Natalie's grip as she again lightly grabbed at him, only relaxing and allowing her touch as she knelt next to him and whispered his name again. "Get them to leave," he whispered back to her. "Them?" LaCroix half-spat. "Don't you mean 'her'?" "No. I want you to go as well." LaCroix leaned forward in his chair. "I am not leaving now after your foolish attempt to destroy yourself." Natalie moved between the two. Nick didn't need this. "He wants you to leave, so leave." Chuckling, LaCroix settled back into the chair. His eyes stayed on Natalie's as she stood and loomed over him, her eyes bordering on gold. She was hungry, scared, and angry. Barely in control. It pleased him to see her like this. Natalie took a step forward only to feel a hand tug on hers. She turned, but Nick wasn't looking at her. She had the impression he didn't want them to fight. Forcing herself to relax, she again faced LaCroix. "Please go. I doubt Nick will do anything to endanger his life before the day is out, and you've done enough for today." She paused, then before he could come up with another reason to stay she added, "And I'm sure I'll be fine as well." Natalie swayed as Nick stood, using first her hand and then her shoulder for support. "Please, LaCroix. There's nothing more you can do beyond wait, is there?" For a moment LaCroix just examined the two. Natalie was determined to get him to leave, and his son was exhausted. He could do little more than watch them sleep, and he, himself, was tired. Natalie would be fine, and he had no doubt his son would be safe with her. Defeated, LaCroix stood. He stepped forward, pulling the gold watch out of his pocket and placing it forcibly in his son's hand, crushing the younger man's fingers around the metal. He leaned in and angrily whispered, "Don't ever give it back to me again. It was my gift to you. I will find it and take it if you ever expire; don't offer it up on a platter." Nick stiffened as LaCroix released his hand and left. He didn't look at LaCroix, remaining frozen until the elevator started down. Then he opened his hand and looked at the watch. He had left it in the open to show he cared and that it meant a lot to him. Even that had backfired. He closed his fist, frustrated, then snapped his attention to Tracy. She had found him. He didn't know how to feel about that. "You shouldn't be here, Tracy." Tracy dropped her eyes to the floor; Nick's blank gaze unsettled her. Natalie tried to turn, but Nick was still leaning heavily on her. "Tracy went back to the precinct for something, and finding a note from you she called me. I gave her the alarm code. If I hadn't--" "I'd be gone." Natalie held back her anger...barely. "You said he'd done enough; what did he do?" Nick asked Natalie. "Beyond handcuffing me to the stairs, not much," Tracy answered rather awkwardly. "At least that I'm aware." "Tracy--" "I know, Nat. I should go, I guess, although--" "We'll be fine," Natalie assured her. "Is there anything else I can do?" Natalie shook her head. "Just go home and I guess get what sleep you can before work." Tracy glanced at her watch...it was a bit after noon. She had to go in early tonight; she had been detailed to a surveillance operation. Surveillance could be boring enough when one was awake, but tired it would be torture. "We'll be just fine." Tracy faintly nodded, more to convince herself that was true than to show she agreed. She tried to move to leave, but her feet seemed rooted in place. Would Nick be upset when he found out she knew he, Natalie, and Vachon had lied to her? Would Natalie tell him once she left, or wait? When Nick closed his eyes and lowered his head, looking like the walking dead, Tracy managed to budge. She reached nervously forward and grabbed her gun off the coffee table, then holstering it she started toward the door. They probably both needed sleep, too. "Can I drop by the morgue or here tomorrow morning?" Getting a slight nod from Nick after several seconds, Tracy reluctantly inched her way toward the exit. Nick waited until Tracy slipped out via the stairs, her footsteps and heartbeat fading, then he again asked, "What did LaCroix do?" Natalie pulled away and turned; Nick let go of her arms, but again grasped them as she faced him. "He told Tracy the truth...that you have been a vampire the entire time she's known you, that we lied to her, and how old you are. Even that you chose to become a vampire, and she knows what I've been trying to do." Nick's gaze drifted away from Natalie, trying to process what Natalie had just told him. Tracy knew...everything. "I have a feeling Vachon is going to get the brunt of her reaction." "Is she upset?" "Of course she is, but I'm not sure she knows what to think," Natalie nearly snapped, then paused to calm herself. "I'm not even sure what to think. You lied to me, too. You said I could come by and we would talk, but if Tracy hadn't gone back in to work for...whatever, I'd be--" "You'd have been able to get on with your life." "This is my life, Nick, and if to be with you means spending some time or the rest of my life as a vampire then so be it. I know you see this as infecting me with your evil or whatever, but I chose this. You don't have to worry about hurting me or watch me toil away my years helping you. I now have unlimited time for that. I could even return to school or retrain in disease research, forget that with the way technology and science is progressing lately, in a few years or decades vampirism might be curable, or maybe a usable blood substitute could be formulated. I've thought about this a lot, Nick, and not just recently." Nick closed his eyes and bowed his head, his own thoughts torn. "I don't want you to lie to me or deceive me like that ever again. Ever. Okay?" When Nick remained as frozen and stiff as a statue, she gently raised her hand to his face. He covered her hand with one of his, but he didn't look up. More softly and trying to keep any anger out of her voice, she said, "Nick?" "I won't deceive you like that again," he whispered in answer. Then, feeling lightheaded, he abruptly pushed her hand away and shifted. "Sit back down," Natalie told him, trying to gently guide him back to the sofa. Nick resisted. "No, I don't want to sit. I might as well go upstairs...try to sleep." Natalie closed her eyes for a moment and nodded. It was probably the best option. She moved to the side so that he could start toward the stairs, but he remained frozen in place. "I think I'm going to need your help," Nick admitted. Again Natalie nodded, this time moving closer next to him so that he could lean on her if he needed, and she guided him slowly to and up the stairs, one step at a time. Nick seemed to need to concentrate to move; every step was a whole new task that he had to start from scratch. Finally she got him sitting on the edge of his bed, at which she rushed around the room for something for him to change into as his shirt had dried blood stains on it and holes in the one sleeve. She sat both a clean t-shirt and his satin pyjamas next to him, so he could choose. "I'm going to, ah, clean things up a bit. If you need something or need my help--" "I'll let you know." He fingered the fresh clothes Natalie had gathered and looked up into her nervous and worried eyes. "I'll be okay," he said to reassure her, but she didn't leave. "I won't do anything. I promise. I could use a few minutes alone to think...to process this." Natalie resisted the urge to reach out and touch him in comfort--for her comfort, not his--but instead she forced a smile and returned downstairs. First, Natalie took the knife, towel, and washcloth to the kitchen. Then she had approached where Tracy had found Nick, but she couldn't do much. The majority of Nick's blood and tissue had turned to dust, and what little remained she couldn't look at without feeling sick. Turning, she gathered up the only other items out of place: The empty bottle she had drank all of, a half-filled bottle and empty glass from what LaCroix had had, and the partial and full bottles on the kitchen counter. The bottles that still had blood in them went in the otherwise completely empty refrigerator. She rinsed out the empty bottle and glass and set those on the counter by the sink. Now all that remained were the items on the dining table, and Natalie sat back on the chair in front of the two glasses of blood. Despite the sweet and bittersweet scents in the glasses calling to her, Natalie reached forward not for one of the glasses, but the torn up pieces of paper and slid the pile toward her. Whether or not she should, she reassembled the pieces and read: "I'm sorry, LaCroix. I know this won't be easy for you, but I trust you to do as asked. If by some ungodly miracle I still live, please end it. I don't want to wake up. Please don't bring Natalie across to try and save me...I don't know if it would help and then she would have no one. I want her to have a good, full life. Buy her a nice house that she could raise a family in with money from the foundation. Deposit money in her account, enough that she could go back to medical school if she wanted, or do anything she might want. And be there for her. This may very well hurt her more than it will you, but you are both the closest thing I have to family. Help her move on. Remove her memory of me if you have to, but take away as little as possible. Let Natalie take anything she wants, but scatter my ashes or at least some of them somewhere, perhaps near Fleur. I know you've had the area around her grave well cared for, and I suppose among the rose bushes is as fitting as any other place. I know it doesn't mean much, but again, I'm sorry. Make sure Natalie knows that. Yours always and forever, Nicholas." Blood tears dribbled down Natalie's cheeks well before she reached the end of the note. While it had been for LaCroix, almost the entire note had been about her, for her. Nick had clearly had trouble writing it, the letters at times rather ragged looking. Nick had asked that LaCroix kill him if he had lived. The request only confirmed what she already knew from his blood: Nick felt helpless and had lost hope in almost everything. She worried she would still lose him. He hadn't wanted to leave her alone as a vampire and feared he would...it was perhaps even why he decided to kill himself. He had gone by the morgue to make sure she was still mortal. And he had asked when she'd get off to ensure he'd be long gone by the time she arrived. Natalie shuffled the pieces of paper back into a neat pile then wiped her face absently with her hands. They came back tinged with blood. At least Nick couldn't see her right now. Pushing the note away, Natalie's eyes looked to the glass with a couple more swallows of Nick's blood remaining in it. The minute Nick saw it he would probably rinse it out. Natalie glanced up toward Nick's room to make sure he wasn't watching her, then she picked up the glass and took a tiny sip from it. This time she was prepared and closed her eyes on purpose. She wanted to focus on the images, good and bad, even the brutal things Nick had done. For the most part the blood showed the real Nick...the Nick she knew. When the images faded she took another, imperceptible sip, then another and another until the glass was as empty as she could get it without wiping the blood out with her finger. The oppressive feeling made her feel like throwing up, or at least trying to, but Natalie pushed it away and focused on the images and his other emotions. Like before, it had been mostly herself and LaCroix who she saw and felt, or things he had done and regretted. This time, however, other images caught her attention. There was Janette, of course, but another woman, a rather young-looking woman with Nick's loose sun-kissed curls kept staring at her next to LaCroix' angry glare. She lost the images as the woman morphed into herself, LaCroix still standing there, vamped. The images switched to other more recent events, then faded so that only the sad and anxious undertone remained. Feeling ever more jittery, Natalie then downed her own glass. Warmth spread through her, melting away Nick's fading emotions with a few final tinges of disgust thickly replaced with pleasure. While it would be so easy to hate him for what he had planned and nearly succeeded in doing, he had mostly just wanted to stop hurting others, especially her. And being able to feel how he felt, right down to the combination of disgust and ecstasy he felt with drinking blood, made her want to help him by any means. Standing, Natalie took the glasses to the sink and rinsed them, sitting them next to the other glass. She then walked to the fridge, but froze with her hand on the door. Nick assuredly needed more blood, but she didn't have to ask to know he would refuse. Making sure he got some sleep would be the best she'd likely manage for now, and she turned out the lights that were on and headed upstairs. Entering the bedroom, Natalie found Nick lying on the nearer side of the bed, facing away from the door. Quickly she went to the drawer she had taken over of late for some of her clothes and nearly cursed aloud as she pulled it open. The drawer was empty. She turned and scanned the room in case her things were still there, but she suspected Nick had taken them to her apartment. Not particularly wanting to sleep in her work clothes, Natalie then turned to the other drawers and pulled out one of Nick's t-shirts. She quickly changed right there, then after putting her discarded clothes in a somewhat neat pile she inched her way slowly back to the bed. She couldn't tell whether Nick had fallen asleep or merely pretended he had, and so she carefully folded the sheets back from her side and lay down, keeping slightly away from him. As her head hit the pillow, she could suddenly make out a slight glint of light. He was awake and looking at her. "I can sleep downstairs if you'd like?" she suggested, but he didn't even blink in reaction. "Nick?" When Natalie shifted as if to leave, he sharply answered with a, "No. No, please stay." Once she had again put her head down, Nick slowly reached a hand out and touched Natalie's cheek. "I'm sorry for this, Natalie." "Becoming a vampire was my choice and I don't regret it. You have nothing to be sorry for." "I'm sorry for lying to you," he clarified, knowing she was mad at him for doing that. "I shouldn't have let you think we would talk when...I just had to see you one more time." "Will we talk? Will you tell me how you feel and let me try to help you rather than just shut me out?" "Yes," Nick whispered. "I'm not sure what to say, or if there--" He stopped as Natalie pressed her fingers to his lips. "Later, Nick. You need to rest, I'm sure, and I feel so very tired." Nick whispered, "Tired," right as Natalie did. "He told me to rest, to sleep, right after...but I couldn't. I'm not even sure if I'll be able to now." Nick didn't have to ask for a further explanation. Natalie couldn't or didn't want to sleep because of him. "I'll be here when you wake. You don't have to worry, at least not today." Nick's words of reassurance did little to alleviate Natalie's worry. In fact, she felt close to crying again with his qualifier. Not today. When Nick shifted closer and pulled her next to him, however, Natalie felt calmer, safer. She closed her eyes and focused on Nick's occasional breaths, willing herself to sleep. Broken Lies - (31/42) Tracy woke with a start to find Vachon sitting on her bed, leaning over her. Instinctively she shoved him back and pulled her comforter up, stopping just short of reaching for her gun. "What are you doing in here? This is my apartment...my *bedroom*." She reached over and turned the light on to find a rather ragged-looking Vachon. "Did you even sleep?" "You seemed to have." "Barely." She looked over at her alarm clock. "Maybe an hour. Is it even sunset?" "Barely." "So why are you here?" "You left rather quickly this morning." "Yeah, well, I hadn't planned on going there at all." "Is Knight okay?" "I don't know. I left not long after he woke." "What actually happened?" Tracy held back. She wasn't sure she should answer, but she had a feeling Vachon knew Nick a lot better than she did. "Nick tried to kill himself and nearly succeeded, probably would have if not for my bad memory. I left something at work and found a note from him I shouldn't have until tonight." "And Dr. Lambert? You said--" "She's a vampire," Tracy sighed. "And probably doing better than either Nick or me, or maybe even LaCroix--he left before I did, and the whole time he was there he just seemed angry. He told me about Nick, laughing at my stupidity. And even then Nat didn't exactly offer many explanations, even though it was clear she knew all about Nick and me knowing, and what I *didn't* know." She paused for a moment, expecting he'd ask how she was doing, and then when he didn't she half-snapped, "And before you ask, if you were going to ask, I don't know how I feel." While Tracy hadn't quite outright said it, Vachon could tell she was upset...just about anyone would be. "Just don't take it all out on Dr. Lambert. It was myself and Knight that--" "Conspired against me," Tracy finished. "The two people I thought I could actually trust. Worse, you're the one that made sure I would have never even considered Nick could be a vampire." In the following silence, Tracy's alarm went off, which she angrily first whacked the snooze bar to shut it off, then actually turned it off. "Why do you care if I blame Natalie? This morning you said not to be too hard on her or Nick, but why--" "She probably didn't have any say in it." "Bull," she spat. "She could have convinced Nick to tell me; I'm sure of it. She lied and covered up at least as much as you and Nick. Why do you care how much I blame her, Vachon? Have you met her? She seems to at least know about you." "I...had Knight bring her to Screed," Vachon answered. "She couldn't help him, but she saved me, your partner, and who knows how many others." Tracy just froze. Vachon had never really said anything about how he had recovered. She had kind of assumed he had recovered on his own, actually. "Natalie cured you?" "Knight brought me a vaccine of sorts. I'm sure Lambert is who made it." Vachon was trying to curb her anger, and it was working. Nick and Natalie had saved Vachon's life. Tracy forced herself to avoid speculating or making more assumptions, and asked, "Whose idea was it? Who decided I shouldn't know Nick is a vampire? Was it you or was it him?" "Tracy..." "And don't you dare say 'It's complicated'! I know now, and just so you know I'll ask Nick, too, so you might as well detail it." "There wasn't really a decision to make." "Did Nick tell you not to?" Vachon just stared, thinking. He doubted telling her Knight had held him forcibly against a wall and practically threatened him was the best answer. "He did, didn't he?" "He...strongly suggested it'd be a bad idea if you found out about others...or them about you. And I agreed," he answered slowly. "And? I don't see how me knowing about Nick would have been a bad idea. It couldn't be any worse than--" "If others knew you know about us, you'd be killed," Vachon told her, his words rushed. "The more of us you know about, the more who know you know, the more likely someone might say something, and the only way to make sure a resistor doesn't reveal us is to kill them." Tracy felt ill. "That's why Screed wanted you to kill me, isn't it?" "Usually..." Vachon paused, thinking. He didn't want it to sound like the only reason Tracy was alive and kept in the dark about her partner was because he wanted to save himself...that wasn't it at all, or at least not all of it. "If another said something about you knowing I'd either have to kill you, or the others would probably kill us both." Tracy took that in, but it still didn't make sense why Natalie knew so much. "But Natalie...she knew about you. And I overheard--others know she knows." "And if she's one of us now--" "But no one told on her." "She's a doctor. That virus showed just how useful medical knowledge about us can be. If you overheard something, she was surely told on and they must have considered her more of an asset than a risk. She already proved herself trustworthy by helping us, and perhaps it was expected that she might become one of us." "They?" "Enforcers. Sort of our...police. They usually act first, ask questions after from what I've heard--I've never had any direct run-ins. I don't think Lambert is much concern to them." Tracy waited for a 'but' or 'or', yet Vachon had stopped. "Why?" "Because they would have gone after whoever was responsible for her knowledge of vampires to make sure it didn't happen again." Tracy felt a sinking feeling in her stomach again. "Whoever was responsible," she repeated softly. "Who's responsible for me? You or Nick?" Vachon hesitated; he had a feeling Tracy already knew the answer. "Probably your partner now that you know what he is." Vachon watched Tracy's mood drop. "He probably already saw himself as responsible. And if I were you, I'd much rather have Knight watching out for my safety than myself." Filing that away Tracy went back to her original question. "So it was Nick's 'suggestion' that I only knew about you and Screed, and you went along with it?" "I agreed with it." "But you could have told me whenever you wanted." She watched Vachon freeze again. He wasn't telling her everything. "Or could you?" "I...could have," he carefully answered. "When I ask Nick whose decision it was, will his story match yours?" "More or less." Tracy closed her eyes and bowed her head. She had a headache coming on, either from Vachon's still vague replies or her own lack of sleep. Or both. Sitting back up she told him, "They better match. Now get off my bed and out of my apartment. I have to get ready for work." "Tracy--" "What?" "I'm sorry for the deception, but it was for your protection." Tracy nearly pushed him away to force him to stand, but another thought came to her. "Was Nick being a vampire the only thing you've lied about? Or kept from me?" Getting silence, she added, "Or that Nick has kept from me?" "I don't know much if anything about what he might have kept you from figuring out. We don't exactly compare notes." Tracy sighed; she hadn't really expected an answer. Given they had at least one case where vampires had definitely been involved, she knew Nick had kept things from her. It didn't bother her as much as the continued deception after she had figured out what Nick was. What did it matter if she knew how old he was, too? It might have helped her understand. And she probably wouldn't have hovered over him out of concern nearly as much. There was a huge, huge difference between an 800 year old vampire and a 30-something-year-old cop that had only been a vampire a few months. Her eyes snapped back to Vachon. "Move. I'm not talking more about this either now or here." Vachon reluctantly stood. "Trace--" "Go, Vachon. I really do need to get ready for work." She again sighed. "Look, I'm not...too mad about this, but I really want to talk to Nick before I either start making assumptions or keep asking what who knows about what, which doesn't tell me much, really. Especially as it seems like you don't want to tell me anything Nick either hasn't already or won't tell me. So go. I'll come by sometime after I've talked to Nick about all of this." She twisted her legs over the side of the bed, putting her feet on the floor. "And don't go tell him--or Natalie--what I asked you or what you answered." When Vachon didn't budge, Tracy stood, pushed passed him on her way into the bathroom, and shut the door. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. In a rush, Natalie fumbled with the key to her apartment. Upon waking to find Nick soundly out and the sun down, she had redressed in her clothes from the previous night, wrote Nick a short note saying she'd be back soon and to get dressed, then literally flew to her apartment. The last had gone slow at first as she had to figure it out. Just as she had considered giving up and going back for her car, it had become almost second nature. Almost. Flying was easy...once she had gotten the hang of it. Easier than trying to get her key in the lock for her apartment, that's for sure. Natalie relaxed as it finally slid in and she finally unlocked the door and escaped the thankfully deserted hall. At least no one had been there to look at her blood-stained clothes. Looking at her watch, Natalie was merely faintly surprised to see it had only taken a few minutes to get there, even with her issues. At least she had met her main goal, which was to get there faster than she would have driven, although not by much. Focused on getting back to Nick's as quickly as possible, she went to her closet and pulled out a new suit--black--and laid it on her bed. Immediately she froze. There on her pillow were three items: A folded piece of paper, the watch she had given him quite some time ago, and the silver pill box she had also gifted to Nick. Rage tore through her at the returned gifts, but she pushed that away. She had an idea how LaCroix felt now. She would return them to Nick, of course. Ignoring them for the moment she gingerly reached for the note...his suicide note to her. She was afraid to unfold it, but forced herself to do so and read: "Natalie, I know there is nothing I could say to relieve the pain you now feel, but know this is in no way your fault, and know that you gave me more cherished memories in a few short years than I've had in the past century. I can never repay your love and friendship, not in all of time. I'm sorry for hurting you over and over. I can't remember for sure if I've ever told you, but I love you...very much. Please know that. I'll love you, always, wherever I am. Nick." Natalie sank to the floor, clutching the note. She had thought she had been prepared for Nick's apologies, but she hadn't been at all. Alone for the first time since finding Nick that morning, mangled and burned, she outright broke down and wept. Her emotions seemed so much more powerful now that she was a vampire and she knew if she didn't let her feelings out now she would in front of Nick. And Nick would blame himself, which wouldn't make either of them feel one bit better. When Sydney came to investigate moments later, Natalie managed a faint smile. She reached out to pull him closer, but Sydney shrank back just out of her reach. For a moment he looked at her almost curiously, then he gave her a long low hiss he usually reserved for Nick and turned into a blurry fur-ball as he scrammed. Natalie pursed her lips at the rejection, partly to quiet her crying and partly in a hope to stop it or at the very least not weep harder. "Ignore the stupid cat, Lambert," she told herself. "He just isn't sure it really is who it looks like." She then glanced at the end of the letter, where Nick had told her he loved her. That section was the only place Nick's writing looked normal and unforced, or perhaps he had just been surer of those words and feelings than the rest. Or maybe he had simply focused on those words in an attempt to hold onto them, focus on them. She somehow doubted he had even tried just stepping into the sunlight; to ensure he wouldn't back out he had shot himself first. She knew he had tried it at some point, and recently. She had seen it in the small amount of his blood he had left, felt the pain as he tried and failed...probably more than once if she had to guess. The note just reminded Natalie that she didn't really understand why Nick either thought death was the better option...or that he somehow deserved it rather than her when she had been willing to become a vampire, whether temporarily or permanently. It also reminded her that she wanted to get back to Nick quickly. Natalie forced herself up, folded Nick's note and replaced it, then focused on getting ready for work. She took a quick shower, which she realised after the fact was probably rather cold, dressed, grabbed her gifts to Nick, and nearly left when Sydney hissed at her again. He hadn't been fed since a day and a half ago--the morning on the previous day. Taking a detour to the kitchen, Natalie rather unceremoniously plopped Sydney's now rather noxious smelling food on a plate and set it in the usual place. He had approached at the scent and sounds of his food, but stopped well back from the dish. Again heading for the door, Sydney zoomed off and away from her. Natalie left her apartment, anyway. He'd eat once sure the scary not-Natalie wouldn't bug him. The flight back to the loft went much smoother than the trip to her apartment. Natalie arrived outside next to her car in what had felt like no time, especially compared to the trip to her place. She entered the building and rode the elevator back up, dreading pulling the door open. Would Nick be awake? Would he be downstairs? Would he talk to her, respond to her? As the freight ascended she felt...something. At first she felt tense, afraid, but deep down she somehow knew she was sensing another vampire...she was sensing Nick. At least she knew he was both alive and home. Natalie just stood still for a moment after the elevator had halted, then she braced herself before opening the door. Nick sat, dressed as she had requested, in a chair at the kitchen table. He looked tired and uncomfortable, but at least he was healed and apparently strong enough to get dressed and make it down the stairs on his own. "I take it you saw my note?" she asked as she approached. Nick silently held up a small piece of paper. Setting her keys on the table, Natalie gently prodded him, asking, "Have you had anything since you got up?" Nick slowly shook his head. Natalie pressed her lips together in a faint smile. She hadn't really expected he'd say he had, and she wasn't about to force him. She gently touched his shoulder, then headed upstairs to Nick's room where she deposited the pillbox on the dresser. Then, his watch in her hand, she returned downstairs. The stairs flashed by; she had flown down the main stretch and grabbed the railing as she turned the corner and switched effortlessly to walking down the last few steps. It had been so very easy; no wonder Nick kept using what he was when he worked. She had a feeling the other 'extras' would be just as easy to get a hang of, although to be honest she felt a bit disoriented and almost ill from the unintentional flight. Nick had seen it, but he just watched her as she approached, not commenting. "Hold out your hand." Nick did as asked, holding out his right hand, not sure what she wanted it for. "Other hand, Nick." He pulled back his arm, then saw his watch in her hand. "Nat--" "It's fine," she told him, grabbing his left hand, pulling it toward her so that she could buckle the band. "You don't need to explain or apologise." Nick touched the watch with his opposite hand as Natalie moved away. He tensed as she pulled out a nearly empty bottle of blood and a glass, then came back to the table. "Don't worry. I'm not going to stand here until you have something." She uncorked the bottle and filled the glass. "This is for me. I feel...off, and I'm not sure I should go into work feeling like this." She downed a large swallow. It didn't make her feel any better, but then she felt more nervous than hungry. "How hard will it be for, ah, my first patient?" she asked, her worry showing. "I don't know," Nick truthfully answered. "It--the reaction to fresh blood--varies." His eyes were drawn to Natalie's glass, and he nodded at it. "How much does that demand your attention?" Natalie looked down into the glass. She could smell it quite strongly, but to her it was just blood...a meal she had parcelled out. It didn't really make her want to look at it or drink it just because she could smell it. "I can tell it's there, but it doesn't demand my attention as you called it." "Then you'll be fine. You'll be fine as long as you're prepared." He gave her a weak smile. "You'll probably do better than I ever have." "But it probably won't be easy?" "No." Nick looked away from both the glass and Natalie. "And the crime scenes are usually worse than autopsy." Natalie nodded. She had kind of expected that. But she also suspected actually performing the autopsy would be worse than hovering nearby...or at times as far away as possible while still being in the same room. She raised the glass and forced the rest down. She hadn't thought to check her answering machine, and her cell had been in her car all day. Who knew what she'd be bombarded with upon arriving at work. Would she have to finish or do the autopsy she hadn't gotten to that morning? And she'd have to get her hours straightened out...no more mornings or days or afternoons. Granted, she had mostly been working nights or early mornings lately, by her choice, but quite often she went to work or left when the sun was up...that was now out. With not knowing how the night would go, Natalie went to the refrigerator and got the other partial bottle, uncorked it, then went to pour the first, emptier bottle into it until she saw Nick's wary and confused look. "This is all right, isn't it?" "It's fine," he answered, watching hungrily as Natalie poured the blood from one bottle into the other. The scent of the blood strengthened as it flowed. Nick found it difficult to tear his eyes away, and then they landed on Natalie. She didn't appear to be having any issues; it was just a task to her. Granted, her hunger was probably more satiated than his, but she either didn't notice or managed to ignore the scent with apparent ease. "Good. I just don't want to resort to...well, my patients' blood, and I don't think you want three bottles open," Natalie said, closing the now three-fourths full bottle. Then she took the empty bottle and glass to the sink, where she rinsed them. The bottle and glasses from that morning had been put away. How long had she been gone? "I hate to drag you off when you're barely awake, but I want to see what kind of mess I left behind this morning." Nick knew that wasn't the only reason. "And you want to keep an eye on me," he whispered. Natalie nodded. "Yes, I want to keep an eye on you. Of course I do. But I also might need your help, and frankly the morgue is probably less boring than here." Picking the bottle and her keys up, Natalie nodded toward the elevator. "Come on." Nick didn't budge. "Nat, I'm sorry for--" "Don't, Nick. Stop apologising for things that don't need one." Nick could hear a touch of anger creeping into Natalie's voice, and he carefully stood. He still felt a little off balance, but Natalie wanted and needed him to go with her. He followed her into the elevator, taking the bottle silently from her as they descended. He would assuredly drink from it before the night ended. They both would. Broken Lies - (32/42) Once finished with her detail on surveillance--for that night, at least--Tracy drove not to the precinct, but to the morgue. She didn't know if Nick would be there or not, but if not Natalie would surely know where to find him. Tracy, however, kept walking between the building entrance and her car. What if she went in and Nick was there and he looked awful? She considered calling, but she had asked if she could drop by...and Nick had been the one to nod in answer. And here, at the morgue, would probably be less formal and awkward than Nick's apartment...where she had found him dying. Having convinced herself--again--to go inside, Tracy headed back to the building's entrance. She paused, but only for a split second, before continuing inside. Tracy hesitated again with her hand on the door into the morgue door. While backtracking to her car tempted her, Nick or Natalie likely already knew she--or at least someone--was coming. She took in a breath and tried to smile slightly as she entered. Her eyes immediately zoned in on Nick, barely noticing Natalie. Nick sat on a stool at the counter, looking into a microscope. It was odd and caused her to pause. She hadn't really thought about Nick as anything but a cop, but who knows what else he had done in past lives. Natalie glanced up from the tray of vials she was working at just long enough to see Tracy. "Just a moment, Trace." "I can come back later," Tracy suggested. "No, now is fine. I am almost...done," Natalie said, finishing her task as she finished her sentence. Turning to Tracy, Natalie found her looking at Nick. "And what Nick is doing can wait as well." Tracy continued to watch Nick until he finally looked up from whatever he was doing at the microscope and turned to look at her. He still looked a bit tired and blank, but at least he no longer looked ill...or disappointed. "I can still come by a different time if you don't want to talk right now." Nick seriously considered telling her he wasn't ready, but Natalie hadn't taken a break all night and he wouldn't be any more prepared later that morning or the following night to talk to Tracy. "Now is fine, Tracy." Nodding faintly Tracy walked fully into the room, let the door swing shut, and stood there awkwardly not sure if she should remain where she stood or what. Feeling it would perhaps be better if just Nick and Tracy talked, Natalie worked on putting a few things away. "I guess I'll go by--" "You should stay, Nat," Nick whispered. "I suspect Tracy might have questions for you as well as me." Knowing Nick was right--and to be honest going off on her own into a crowded precinct made her a bit nervous--Natalie slowed in putting things away. Then on her way back to the counter she pulled a stool out for Tracy before finally walking over to the autopsy table and slowly spinning. Tracy gradually moved forward toward the stool, but she didn't sit. She still felt awkward and out of place. "If you don't want to answer tonight, that's all right. I don't know if your memory--" "My memory is fine. Ask what you want." Tracy braced herself, stiffening as she took in a deep breath. "Was it your idea or Vachon's? Who decided I shouldn't know what you were?" Nick closed his eyes and looked down. This wasn't quite the first question he expected from her. "I'm not going to ask anything else until you give an answer to that." Thinking back, Nick wondered how much to tell her. It hadn't just been his decision, but a fairly forced one. Tired of lying to her he quietly answered, "It was my decision. I threatened Vachon; that's probably the main reason he continued to keep my...secret." "But it wasn't the only reason?" Tracy prodded, already knowing it wasn't if what Vachon said was true. "The threat was more a reminder than anything else, but I wasn't going to lose two partners in a couple days' time if I could help it." Tracy paled a little even though she was concerned and curious about whatever threat Nick had made; she hadn't really thought about Nick's side of that...sure she had known Nick would have been worried--her *parents* had been called, after all--but when Nick found out the guy she had been investigating was a vampire... "When I vanished you thought I might have been killed, didn't you?" Nick nodded. "By the time I found him he had let you go...luckily for him." "You didn't, ah, hurt him, did you?" "Not really." Nick almost smiled. "Although Screed thought I was an--" He cut off; he didn't know what Tracy knew. Tracy quickly lost her concern for what Nick had done to Vachon. Nick was so good at this, so used to keeping secrets. "Screed thought you were a--what?" she angrily asked. Nick just stared back at her. "Enforcer? Is that what you were about to say?" she asked, her conversation with Vachon fresh in her thoughts. Nick glanced to Natalie to avoid looking at Tracy. When he looked back to his partner, he nodded. "Yes. Vachon probably thought the same thing at first." "Are you?" Tracy prodded. "Am I what?" "An enforcer?" Nick shook his head quickly and immediately in answer. Fidgeting, Tracy changed the subject back to her question. "So...it was mostly your decision not to initially tell me, but you knew since the start?" Getting a nod she asked, "And having Vachon pretend to make you forget, making me rule out even the idea that you could be a vampire from the start...was that planned?" Nick shook his head. "No, it wasn't planned. It just happened and I went along with it." Tracy felt relieved at this; the idea that the two might have worked together to plan any part of Project Keep Tracy Clueless would make her uncomfortable around either Nick or Vachon. "And why, exactly, did you not want me to know about other vampires?" she asked, again more or less already knowing the answer. "You said it was more of a reminder than a threat. A reminder about what?" "If a mortal can't be made to forget, they are usually killed. If another vampire knew you know about us they might call in others to deal with you." "Kill me, you mean." "Yes. It's dangerous to know about us." "Natalie knew for years." Natalie shifted at this, answering, "And Nick adamantly refused to say a word about other vampires until I had a dead guy with punctures in his neck on my table. Even then I didn't get an answer right away, although it kind of opened the flood gates." She paused, giving Tracy the opportunity to speak if she wanted, and then continued, "And I knew it was dangerous. Nick tried more than once to convince me to forget about him and what he was. He even tried to make me afraid of him." Tracy looked to Nick at that. Nick didn't seem like he could incite fear, not easily, but she had never actually seen Nick vamped out up close...and he had come mighty close on a couple of times. Then there was that one night at the Raven... Had Nick somehow threatened Natalie at some point? Had he nearly or actually hurt her in his attempts to scare her? Tracy could still clearly remember how stiff she had been after Vachon had finally untied her; had Nick done something similar with Natalie until he decided what to do? "Natalie saw through my act, but it took time for me to trust her." "But you didn't--still don't, really--trust me." "I don't really trust other vampires, particularly vampires I don't know, and by knowing about me you'd more likely be exposed to others." "You could have told me the truth when I figured out what you were, once I knew about you," Tracy rather shortly reminded him. "Instead you maintained the lie...made your life-story up. Why didn't you tell the truth, that you had been a vampire all along?" Nick had to think about that. Why hadn't he? Because he only had half a day to decide, and going with what Tracy suspected or reasoned had been simplest. "It was easiest," he told her slowly. "And I didn't think you'd be thrilled to find out the truth...I didn't know how you'd react, and I didn't want to hurt you." "And I believe it was partly my suggestion to more or less stick to what you guessed," Natalie volunteered. At first, Tracy just stared. Easiest...and partly Natalie's suggestion...so they knew beforehand. "When did you find out I knew about you?" "The morning before Vachon came up to me at the club." "Vachon told you." "Actually, he told me," Natalie answered. "And then I told Nick once my shift was over." "So that whole week you knew, you both knew--" "Yes," Nick whispered. "And what if I hadn't said anything? Were you just going to pretend to be oblivious and let me assume...whatever?" "And if I hadn't been burned, would I officially even know you know now?" Nick's words made Tracy feel guilty. "Probably not. I didn't know how to bring it up." Then she realised where Nick was probably going, or what he was trying to get her to think about. Nick probably would have had the same problem. Changing his story would have been hard, and he had said it...just like her he hadn't known how she would react. And also, like her, he hadn't wanted to hurt her. While his reply had been regarding continuing the lie, it applied to her other question, too. And it would be just like Nick--the Nick she knew or thought she had known at least a little--to do something like that...and not out of malice. "Nick didn't mean to hurt you or make you think he didn't trust you, Tracy." "But there was no reason once I knew you were a vampire you couldn't have--and Vachon knew how old you were, didn't he?" "He probably would have known, either in general or more specifically...but it was still better you didn't know too much about--" "Why?" Tracy demanded. "Because...because my friends, my mortal friends and acquaintances have a habit of ending up dead," Nick spat out, frustrated and fearing her reaction. "But that's normal for you guys, isn't it? You don't age, and--" "They die earlier than they should," Nick vaguely clarified. Tracy froze once more. "What do you mean?" she then asked on reflex. "Those I care about die because of me," he repeated. Natalie stood uncomfortably by; Nick was slipping into one of his self-loathing guilt trips. "But you didn't kill them, right? You wouldn't." As she asked it, Tracy felt less certain she was right. Nick looked guilty, panicked. "Right, Nick?" "I...have killed those I've cared about," he slowly answered. Seeing Tracy pull back, looking appalled, Natalie inched closer to Nick. "And how many times were you tricked or forced into it, Nick?" "Tricked or not it doesn't change what I've done. It doesn't change it at all. And many more I've lost because of what I am...they found out and took their own lives, or they died when I should have, like with Schanke." Tracy relaxed at Nick's additions, his examples. It wasn't Nick's fault that Schanke had been on the plane, regardless whether Nick should have taken the flight instead. Nick didn't blow that plane up. He couldn't have known what would happen. She had a feeling that wasn't the only death blown out of proportion. "That wasn't your fault," she eventually whispered in reply. "You didn't kill him." "I might as well have." "But you didn't." Wanting to both make Nick look less trapped and assure herself that Nick wasn't a murderer, Tracy asked, "When was the last time you killed someone you cared about, a friend, without being coerced into it or technically being someone else's fault?" The question caught Nick slightly off guard, but of course she'd want to know more about when he had last killed--she had to know, realise, he hadn't always been a cop...or on the side of good. Thinking, only one answer came to mind and he turned to Natalie. He could see that she had tensed somewhat; she knew...she had watched him kill her brother. "Nat?" "It's fine." "What's fine?" Tracy asked, wondering what Nick was asking about. "It's fine if Nick answers." "Why would he need your permission?" "Because it's not a simple answer. You'll have questions, Tracy." "The last time--the first person that comes to mind is--" "My brother, Richard," Natalie finished, cutting off Nick's awkward reply. Tracy felt dizzy. Yes, she did now have questions, quite a few... "Nick didn't have much choice. It wasn't Nick's fault, but they knew each other, worked with one another... At the time Nick probably knew my brother better than Schanke." Tracy backed up slightly, looking between the two as she tried to digest what Natalie told her. Of the two, Natalie seemed less bothered...oddly, given what she had said. "What do you mean, Nick didn't have much choice?" she asked Natalie, then quickly turned to her partner. "Nick?" "What Natalie said is correct. I killed her brother...twice, in a way." "Twice?" Tracy asked, her confusion growing. "Richard was shot and rather than watch him die I made Nick bring him across," Natalie explained. "He wasn't the same when...rather than going after criminals with the law as a crown prosecutor...Richie took matters into his own hands. He probably would have killed me and his wife, Sarah, if Nick hadn't stopped him." Tracy's mind began to piece that together. She even remembered something vaguely...she was certain she would have heard about a crown prosecutor being shot... "I don't blame Nick for what he did. If Richard wasn't killed...I don't know, you might have found out about vampires from the news rather than Vachon." "So by killed you mean...?" Tracy asked. "Drained his blood to bring him over...and staked him to stop him," Natalie supplied. Glancing to Nick, she found him completely zoned out. "I don't think it was easy for Nick...on either count...or anyone else he may have known some before he killed, friend or not." "I don't remember everyone," Nick whispered. "I don't think I ever will. I've killed too many." He looked right at Tracy, his eyes burrowing into hers. "I've killed out of greed, out of lust, anger, hunger, and just plain cruelty. I've killed thousands...most were innocents. I might regret what I've done, I might be...reformed, but when it comes down to it I'm no better than LaCroix." Tracy shook her head at that. The worst she had seen from Nick barely even approached the nicest she'd glimpsed of LaCroix, and Nick's anger was far different than LaCroix' amused evil. "You're not like him. You are nothing like him, Nick." "We are more alike than different, Tracy." "But those differences are huge, Nick," Natalie reminded him. "Fundamental." Nick shot a glare at Natalie, then closed his eyes as she glared back. She, of course, was correct. Most of their few differences were basic values...but as long as they didn't argue, didn't have some hot issue LaCroix felt needed to be squashed...to be honest he enjoyed the other's company. Tracy watched Nick zone out and his expression go blank. "Look, when LaCroix told me how old you are I figured you had, at least at times, behaved more...typically, or stereotypically...whatever," she started, wanting to change the subject. "You are 800 years old, aren't you? I mean, he wasn't lying?" "He wasn't lying," Nick whispered back. "And I've acted like a 'typical' vampire most of those years." "And how much is most?" "All but the last hundred years." "Don't lie to her, Nick," Natalie snapped. "She's not asking when you stopped killing, but when you stopped killing indiscriminately, right, Tracy?" Tracy startled a bit as Natalie switched focus. "Ah, yeah," she managed. Then, Natalie's words sinking in, she asked, "You haven't killed for a century?" "Not for blood--for nourishment, general survival--but I have killed a few times for...other reasons in that span." "And?" Natalie nudged. "And I've drank primarily cow's blood in that time." "And before that?" Tracy asked, now curious why Nick and Natalie seemed to disagree. "I killed those I felt didn't deserve to live. I killed murderers, thieves, prostitutes...society's filth...those who wouldn't be missed. If I couldn't find someone, I either tried to go without or tried to take a little from many rather than a lot from one. It didn't always work." Tracy once more felt a bit queasy. It sounded to her as though Nick had essentially taken the law into his own hands, but at the same time she could hear in his voice that he viewed this as little better than killing at random. Nick, genuinely, seemed to not like what he was or what he'd done. She had suspected that from the moment she had suspected he might be a vampire, and Natalie had told her what Nick thought of being a vampire...that he believed himself to be evil. And Nick did seem to believe just that. "You hate what you are, don't you?" she carefully asked Nick. "I mean you really loathe it." Nick studied Tracy, but she merely seemed confused and curious...wanting to understand. She wasn't judging him, or thinking him crazy. "Yes. I loathe having to drink blood, how I always want it whether I need it or not. And I'm never able to stay anywhere long...leaving is always hard, and wondering what happened to those I knew. LaCroix has been the only real constant." Tracy hadn't really thought about how hard it might be to leave. From Vachon she got the impression that he didn't often befriend normal humans...it was probably dangerous and difficult to keep the secret of what he was, and of course they died while he lived on. Nick, however, seemed to interact with non-vampires regularly and, while he perhaps didn't share much of his personal life, he didn't exactly distance himself. He got more involved. It probably made it that much harder to leave and start fresh. Even now he got comments about his age--he was supposedly thirty-eight, which...he didn't at all look it. It was time, perhaps past time for him to move again. "How long do you usually stay somewhere?" "A year or two, maybe three...sometimes only a few months." "You've been here longer than that, though, right?" "Almost six years." Tracy's eyes darted to the floor. She didn't have to ask if he had stayed longer than planned...or why, but it made her think about what she had found hiding between the files Nick had left on her desk, one of which was his resignation. If she hadn't gone in early to carefully go through it before handing it in to Reese...she would have unknowingly handed it in. Nick's neatly filled out form was now locked in her desk. "Are you going to come back to work, I guess, after your suspension is over? Or do you want me to hand in your resignation? I found it and pulled it out before handing in our paperwork..." Nick glanced to Natalie. He could feel her gaze on him, but she didn't say anything. "Do whatever, Tracy. Turn it in if you want." "I'm only going to hand it in if *you* tell me to...if you still want me to." "I don't know what I want," Nick muttered. "But I don't want to return to work unless you want me to...I won't." "And if that is what I wanted...would you?" "Why would you want back your lying, untrusting partner?" Tracy stiffened; Nick's voice had changed, become far harsher. It was a tone he used when interrogating suspects. "Because you've stopped lying, haven't you? And the main reason you lied was--" "Was to keep you safe," Nick finished, his tone softening some. "Exactly. And you've probably provided me more back up than I know about." She watched Nick shift. "I might be a bit...upset, but I trust you'll back me up and that's what's important. I'm fine with working with you, and in truth I don't want a new partner, not yet. But I also don't want you to come back just for me." She paused. Nick still seemed uncomfortable...and he hadn't answered her question. "Do you want to come back? Or--" "I don't know, Tracy. I didn't exactly plan...I really don't know." Tracy nodded. "Will you at least let me know if you decide not to?" "Yeah, I'll let you know," he answered, slowly nodding. No one spoke for a moment, and while Tracy felt more and more awkward she still had questions. Her eyes locked on Natalie, who was now standing almost next to Nick. She really wanted to ask Natalie how she was doing, but with Nick there...and to be honest Natalie seemed normal. Either Natalie was fine or she was hiding her real feelings. Trying to relax, Tracy started by asking Natalie, "So you've met Vachon? When he told you what I told him?" Natalie silently nodded. "It wasn't the first time you'd met him, was it? And you didn't react when Nick mentioned Vachon's friend..." Natalie unconsciously looked to Nick, who gave her a very faint nod. She closed her eyes for a moment and nodded, answering, "Yeah, I met both Vachon and Screed. Nick took me to try to help." "Screed died." "I know. There was nothing I could do. I didn't make the connection, realise how to stop it until it was too late for him." "But you did in time to help Vachon," Tracy stated. "He told me if it wasn't for you and Nick he would have died, too." "I did, but not on my own. If LaCroix hadn't taken revenge on Calvin and suddenly gotten better...both Nick and Vachon and who knows how many others would have died." Tracy blinked, once again a bit confused at the information overload. "Calvin Tucker took--" She then cut off, not able to finish her sentence after what Nick had tried doing the previous day. "Calvin Tucker was murdered by LaCroix in revenge for the illness and hand delivered to me." Tracy went pale. That was horrible but... "You covered it up." "I've covered up a lot, Tracy." "That other case..." "Yeah. And there have been others...other cases, other crime scenes I've had to lie about what really happened." Seeing Tracy glance toward Nick, Natalie added, "I did it on my own; Nick didn't ask or tell me to." Tracy still felt a bit weird realising what Natalie had had to deal with. She did understand why; she had now been told repeatedly that it was dangerous to know about vampires. She could imagine what would happen if she either purposely brought attention or didn't somehow avert attention if she could. "Did you see me take blood then, when Nick would have been sick, I guess? Did that cause issues?" Natalie ever so slightly smiled. So Tracy *had* taken it. She had figured, but hadn't been sure. "No, I didn't see, and writing off a few units of blood is a *lot* easier than explaining a suddenly missing body." "A missing...wait, you've had one of them--er, a vampire--wake up...here?" "Once," Natalie replied. She glanced to Nick and caught another slight nod. "That's how I met Nick and found out vampires weren't simply some dark fairy-tale that keeps children up at night." "How'd he end up here?" was the only thing Tracy could think of to say. "I got blown up. On purpose." "Nick did it saving others from what I heard," Natalie added, knowing Nick wouldn't volunteer that information. "And he was damn lucky to not have any ID on him at the time. If he did..." "I would have had to leave." "And it would have been a lot harder to smooth things over. As is I went around for weeks about missing remains, and, well, I have a feeling Nick helped getting *that* to stop." Nick tensed as Tracy's eyes locked on him and he whispered, "Nat?" Natalie nodded; she had made Nick uncomfortable. "But no, Tracy, taking the blood didn't cause me any issues." Again an awkward silence prevailed. Nick looked down at his watch; Tracy had been there a while. She surely would need to return to work...and Natalie needed to as well. He wanted to go with her when she took her report to the 27th. "So you turned in our paperwork?" he asked Tracy. "Reese say anything? Tracy nodded. "Reese was pleased. I wish you'd have left some for me, though," she admitted. "I don't look forward to going back." "Is it because of me...because of what I did?" Nick slowly asked. "If it is--" "No, Nick, it's not from anything you've done," she quickly replied. "It's...I've just spent the last six hours being treated like a rookie right out of the academy. And sitting in a van, waiting for someone to make a mistake is just...I'd rather work on paperwork, really." Despite being told it wasn't anything he had done, he knew he had to have affected her. She had found him...who knows what her reaction had been. And then she had learnt he had lied to her about what he was not once but twice... "Are you doing all right with...with the last day?" Tracy stiffened. To be honest she'd been trying not to think about it. "Shouldn't I be the one asking that?" she asked in return. "And of course I'm not 'all right'. I've seen my partner dead as it gets twice in the last few months, and the second time he did it to...kill himself," she angrily said, not able to look quite right at Nick. "Would I have ever known what happened? You got suspended on purpose, didn't you?" Nick just froze. If he wasn't still sitting on the stool he would have recoiled, turned, or walked away. "You didn't say a thing...you'd barely talk to me. I felt like it was my fault. I still feel that way. And I'm worried you'll just...just vanish and I won't know if you moved or are dead or what." Tracy started to turn to leave, but continued, "Partners are supposed to talk to one another. I know I probably could have done better at that myself, but lately you've just shut me out. Maybe I'm not who you'd choose as a friend, but I thought we were and hope maybe if you come back to work you'll talk to me or at least not push me away." "Or lie," Nick added in a whisper, still not looking at Tracy. "Or lie," Tracy repeated. Her forced anger was wearing off and to avoid breaking down she quickly told them, "I'm sorry. I should go. I need to eat something, and I didn't get much sleep," spun, and left. Nick turned toward the counter, closed his eyes, and rested his hands on the edge of the cool surface. Shortly after he heard the door swing shut, then he felt hands on his back. He shrugged out of the touch he didn't merit. "Nick--" "Don't. I deserved that. I hurt her by not talking to her. And you. I'm surprised you haven't yelled at me yet, to be honest." "I'm not going to yell at you." "Why not?!" Nick demanded as he stood and spun. "You have every reason to yell at me, or hit me, even kill me, and you've just-- I know I hurt you, Natalie." "I'm not going to yell at you, Nick. You don't need anyone to make you feel guilty. You're doing just fine with that on your own." Nick walked to the exam table and back. "I didn't think she'd ask... We haven't really talked about what happened with your brother. We should have." "It's fine," Natalie harshly said; she didn't want to talk about it more now. "You're afraid." "I am not my brother," she nearly snapped back. Then, realising her vision had changed in her anger, Natalie closed her eyes as she took a slow, deep breath to calm her emotions. "And I promise I'll talk to you if it really starts to bother me. Right now it's just uncertainty. I've done one autopsy--" "And you didn't need my help." "--and while, yes, that seemed to be all right I downed half a bottle of blood after. Who knows what will happen when I'm called out, or..." Natalie paused to take another deep breath. "Or, yes, when forensic evidence isn't enough to convict. Assuming I even stay in this--" "You don't want to stay?" "Not if you want to leave." Natalie pursed her lips, wondering if Nick would have a different answer without Tracy there. "Are you going to return to work?" Nick's gaze drifted as he considered. "I'm not sure. I'd like to, but I don't know. I've already overstayed, but..." He cut off and shook his head. "But what?" "Tracy. If I leave, if I quit now, will she ever trust another partner? Or will she even if I stay?" "I think she will be fine whatever you decide, Nick," Natalie said as she moved in front of him. "As long as you tell her before you would leave or quit or...whatever." She tried to smile, but it fell away when she again tried to touch him. He pushed her hands away and stepped away. He had done this all night, and she was becoming quite frustrated. It's like she was tainted. "You want to take that report over now?" Nick asked, turning back to Natalie. While she didn't really *want* to, Natalie nodded. It had to be done at some point. "Do you want to drive, or--" "Drive," Natalie immediately said. That had gone surprisingly badly on the way in; she had nearly gotten into an accident...twice. As they drove she could hear and see so much more than before. She hadn't expected it would be so different. "I need to get used to tuning out distractions." Getting a nod, Natalie went to grab her purse and report. She and Nick needed to talk, but not here or now. Nick seemed little different than a few days ago, and she was still worried he might try something. But she also didn't want Nick to be alive but miserable... Broken Lies - (33/42) After work, Natalie ended up going home...to her apartment. Alone. She hadn't wanted to, but Nick left the morgue before her shift had finished saying he wanted to be alone for a little bit. Then he had--before she had even asked or expressed concern--assured her he'd not do anything. Or well, he had told her not to worry and that he wouldn't leave her alone. Yet here she was, alone. She kept pacing, uncomfortable. Almost the whole measly twenty or so hours she had been a vampire she hadn't been alone more than a few minutes. She felt so vulnerable, and as her neighbours woke she felt agitated. Sydney wouldn't come near her, and so far no amount of noise could distract her from the sounds of others nearby. She also didn't have any blood. At first she had thought she would be fine, but as sunrise approached Natalie realised that at best she'd pace all day...at worse she'd try shutting up the crying kid several apartments over for good. Fifteen minutes before sunrise Natalie stopped pacing and left her apartment. She had instinctively started toward Nick's but stopped after a mere block, stumbling slightly on the roof she landed on. Nick hadn't seemed to want to be with her, not tonight at work, and if he wanted to be alone... Natalie closed her eyes tight. Other than Nick's the only place she could think of that might feel safe was the Raven. It certainly had to be better than her apartment. She hadn't been to the club very many times, and had to think a moment before heading toward it. Within minutes Natalie was within blocks of the club. And it quickly became apparent she had underestimated the amount of time she had before the sun would become a problem. While her skin hadn't burnt, the predawn light was uncomfortable and she rushed the final block. Reaching the front of the club, she tried the doors only to find them locked. Locked? Why the hell were they locked? She pounded on the doors, panicked. Waiting a moment, Natalie hoped to hear movement inside, but nothing. Again she pounded on the door; she didn't feel it quite appropriate to start screaming...yet. As Natalie started pounding on the door for a third time, suddenly a lock clicked and the door opened. "What is it?" asked a man with a shaved head and tattoos, who stayed out of the growing light even as he blocked the way in. "Let me in," Natalie said through gritted teeth. When the man didn't immediately move, she pushed past him. She didn't feel safe until the door slammed behind her, but in some ways the club felt worse than her apartment. She could smell blood. She might as well be at the morgue working on a patient... She walked down the steps into the main part of the club, then stopped as the man came into view. "I don't think I've seen you before," the man drawled, looking Natalie over as he walked around her. "You new to the city?" Natalie held firm, her eyes following her questioner. Once he had fully encircled her and stopped in front of her, she asked, "Where is the owner?" "Yes, new here. It doesn't work that way at the Raven. Last call is fifteen till sunrise--you're lucky someone was here to open the door. You better go downstairs. And be quiet about it. The 'owner' dislikes being disturbed." "Where is LaCroix?" Natalie asked again. "I need to see him." The man looked Natalie over in her suit. "You're not his type. Go downstairs if you want to keep that pretty little neck." "I'll find him myself," Natalie replied, then walked further into the club. Almost immediately the man grabbed her arm and pulled her toward the back corner. Planting herself firmly in place, she tried to shrug out of the grip. When that failed, she angrily hissed past descended fangs, "Let go of me!" even as she slid forward. She pulled at his hand, but almost immediately he stopped pulling her along and released her arm. She turned back and found LaCroix simmering at the other. "I suggest you run along." "I was just trying to get her to do that," the man answered, again gripping Natalie's arm. LaCroix stepped right up to the younger man. "Not her...you. Don't ever touch her again." He glared until Natalie was once more released, then he gently pulled her away, guiding her in front of him to a door. Natalie didn't resist as she was taken out of the club and up a flight of stairs, although to be honest she didn't feel much safer with LaCroix than the other unnamed vampire. After being ushered through another door, Natalie shut her eyes as he released her with a shove and slammed the door behind them. "Why are you not with Nicholas? You took him to your work--" "I'm not with him because he wanted to be alone. He's at his place." "Just because he wants something does not--" "He needs to be alone to process this, LaCroix. You tasted how ready he was to end his life and now he can't. You damn well know he won't do anything, not today." She opened her eyes and turned. LaCroix still seemed to be simmering. "Why have you come here so close to dawn? You could have--you should not have been outside so late!" Natalie relaxed a little, somewhat surprised at his mixed concern and anger. "I kept pacing at my apartment. I didn't think I could stay there alone. Not today. I tried, but--" She shook her head. "I'm sorry, I--" "Do not apologise. You are not imposing." His anger abated some, and he moved toward the door. "I will return shortly." Natalie was a bit stunned when he left her there, alone in what was clearly his home. Cautiously she looked at her surroundings and found herself reminded of Nick's. Like the loft, LaCroix' living area was rather open and almost meticulously neat. White and black dominated rather than browns, and the tables seemed to be glass rather than wood...but she could easily picture Nick living here. The one main difference was that the bedroom wasn't separate. It was also much smaller and all on one level...more of a large studio apartment than a loft. Not wanting to just stand by the door, Natalie slowly made her way toward a couch--a black leather one she'd swear was identical to Nick's. She sat gingerly, expecting LaCroix to return and glare at her, but he didn't. Another large difference between here and Nick's was the absence of a television. And LaCroix didn't seem to have near as many knickknacks of a sort...and what he did have didn't strike her as being overly important--they'd be left whenever he moved. There was a stereo system, and a laptop, the latter of which she could hear humming although it had been closed. She had to tear her eyes and curiosity off the computer; she was quite curious what he did on there. Natalie's gaze then fell on some books on a table in the corner...probably the oldest things in the room that she had so far seen. She didn't see any titles on the spine, and she reached for the top one. Opening it, expecting to see the title across the top of the page or perhaps be able to figure out what it was by the text, she was disappointed. She couldn't read a thing. It was Greek to her...as in actually Greek by the looks of it. She put it back, making sure the book was once again neatly stacked. While she hadn't learnt much of anything about the book, she had about LaCroix. For one, he could probably at least read Greek--and not the Romanised version, but proper Greek. It also made her think he might prefer reading things as they were originally written and not translated. Or maybe he just read stuff like that so he didn't lose the language. She knew Nick knew quite a few languages and bits of many more...LaCroix might know even more. She really didn't know that much about LaCroix. Natalie started as the door opened; LaCroix had returned. He had several items with him: A bottle, two glasses, and over one arm hung fabric of some sort. Natalie's eyes stayed on the last, even as she heard the clink of glass on glass as he set down the bottle and glasses. She tensed as he laid the silky items next to her. "One of those should suit you." Natalie fingered the soft fabrics, easily seeing what they were once spread out a little. The fabric consisted of what looked like a couple nightgowns and a robe. She stiffened and turned back as LaCroix picked up the bottle, filled both glasses, then set the bottle back down and then picked up the less filled of the two glasses. As he took a sip from the glass, she asked, "Whose clothes are these?" "Janette's." He turned and took a step toward the door only to spin back. "I will return in half an hour. I will be in the club; if you come looking for me do not go into the basement." Natalie wanted to protest, but LaCroix was gone in a flash. How could he think something of Janette's would actually fit her? She pulled at one of the silky garments and held it up. This one was a long, black, silk gown. It was rather plain, and holding it up by the straps she seriously doubted it would fit without at minimum clinging more than she'd like. Putting it down she then pulled on more black fabric that she figured was a robe, and it was. She relaxed a little at that; even something that didn't fit would be more comfortable than the suit she had worn to work. After glancing at her watch, Natalie went to the door and locked it. While LaCroix would surely have a key, at least she'd have a few seconds warning if he came back before he said. Then she walked back to the sofa, nervously undressing. She wanted to be changed well before he returned. First she tried on the black gown, and yep, way too snug. It was also too long and the neckline was too low to be comfortable in, even with the robe over it. Before taking off the first, Natalie held up the other gown to see if she should even bother. This one was a light grey and...had quite a bit of lace on the top. But it also looked like it had more shape to it. With an angry sigh she pulled off what she had on and slipped the silvery one on. It fit nearly perfectly, although like the first was also too long...and she wasn't sure she liked the rather see-through lace. Well, she *liked* it, but she didn't want LaCroix eyeing her through it. Thinking about that, Natalie snatched up the robe, slipped it on, and tied it closed. Then she gathered up and folded both her clothes and the black nightgown, which she then set on the floor under the side table that had the books on it before going back to the door to unlock it. Returning to the sofa and sitting, Natalie stared at the glass of blood before slowly picking it up. Tonight had taught her just how much a vampire not only wanted but downright needed blood. It had also made her wonder how much blood most vampires drank in a day. Normal vampires; Nick wasn't quite normal in that aspect, forget that she had been trying to get him to cut back for years...and on cow's blood at that. She had never been around other vampires long enough to observe their drinking habits...beyond that she had the feeling she had drank more in the last day than LaCroix had. She certainly had drank more than Nick. He had wordlessly drank a half-full mug she had left on the counter at one point that night, but nothing else that she was aware. Slowly Natalie drained her glass, glancing at her watch between every forced swallow. She didn't really want any of it. She wasn't all that hungry right now. The blood didn't help keep her mind off things, either. And without human heartbeats scurrying around her like mice, she could once again only think of Nick. He hadn't let her touch him beyond letting her put his watch back on since she had helped him up the stairs. She had tried to gently comfort him probably a good dozen times at the morgue...and not once did he let her. And now that she had nothing else to think about all she could think was that it was her. Nick had been against the idea of her becoming a vampire, and he thought vampires were evil...natural killers. She had been trying to tell herself that Nick just needed a little time alone--one reason she hadn't argued when he went home and why she had been determined to stay at her apartment--and that it wasn't because he couldn't stand for her to touch him now that she was impure. Nick hadn't planned on her becoming a vampire any more than he had on him living, so that was another thing he needed to come to terms with. She had hoped being brought across would break down the one main barrier between them, specifically that she was breakable. But had Nick been attracted to her for that very reason, because she was unattainable, because her life was so fragile? That Nick was now within her reach hadn't changed how she felt one bit. In fact, she felt even more sure...until he had pushed her away several times. Would he linger miserably by her, but continue to keep them apart so that perhaps she would eventually give up on him? Or would he do so in self-punishment? Either way she didn't want him to live in a state of perpetual torture. Natalie felt like she didn't know what to do. Had she been right to give him space? Was she right to just try to support him and hope he'd snap out of this? Or should she have gone to the loft that morning and lectured him, yelled at him like he expected? Or would anything she did even matter? At that thought for the second time in the last day she broke down and cried. When it came down to it she knew Nick had wanted to die...and it was quite possible nothing could change that. And now she was beginning to worry how Nick would feel when he found out she spent the day with LaCroix. If Nick felt she wasn't as...pure or whatever now that she was like him, feeling even remotely comfortable around LaCroix would just emphasise that. Setting her now long-empty glass on the table, Natalie curled up on the cool leather cushions. It had been more than half an hour, and she expected LaCroix was typically on time. As minutes passed, she first lay down, then turned so that her back was to the room. She was tired and didn't want to hunt for light switches or even a pillow. When Natalie heard the door open a few minutes later, she kept her eyes shut tight and tried to remain completely still. She didn't want to emotionally fall apart in front of LaCroix. Feigning sleep was the only chance he wouldn't try making her talk. She remained tense as he approached. She nearly relaxed when she heard him pick up the computer off the table, but waited until after the lights had been mercifully turned off before she tried to empty her mind and actually fall asleep. Broken Lies - (34/42) A couple of hours later LaCroix lay on his bed watching Natalie through the darkness. Three times now she had fallen asleep and rewoken. That wouldn't have bothered him, but when she slept she seemed to dream...and she'd start crying until she woke. Now, even awake, she seemed to be having trouble remaining in control of her emotions. He preferred stronger children...and certainly not crying women, his children or not. But this was not her fault. Even he was having difficulty controlling his own emotions. Arriving back at the Raven the previous day he had been directing his anger at everyone within reach. He only started holding back after one of his employees had quit...and he realised he had no desire to hire a new staff, especially not now when they could all be leaving within days or weeks. And Natalie had more than just the mess at the loft to process; understandingly Natalie had been pushed to the edge between that and dealing with her new nature. She should be with her brother, not here, more or less alone. Quietly he got out of his bed, stood, and walked over to where she lay. She made no change to her behaviour; she hadn't heard him approach. He could return to his bed or leave the apartment and she likely wouldn't be aware of his concern. While tempting to spend the rest of the day below in the club, he made his decision, momentarily stiffening before leaning over and pulling Natalie initially into a sitting position, and then lifted her off the cushions. At first he thought she would co-operate, but upon picking her up she pushed at him with all her new strength. "Put me down, LaCroix!" Natalie nearly screamed, staring at his shoulder, but he only gripped her tighter. He also didn't so much as pause toward his destination: The bed. Natalie shook her head at the thought of sharing the same bed with him, even platonically. "No. No, I was fine where I was," she told him, trying to reason. "Take me back and--" "You were not fine. I will not listen to your weeping all day long." With that, he spun them just short of the bed, then sat even as he still held Natalie. She tried to roll away, and it only helped him reposition her. He held her in front of him as he again lay down. Natalie tried to pry his hands from her waist, but she might as well have still been mortal. She even kicked her heel back into his shins, but he didn't seem to care. "Let go of me, LaCroix!" "No. If you tell me what is wrong I may release you, but I suspect you won't." He leaned his head slightly over her shoulder. "Now try to sleep...quietly. Pretend I am him if you must, but sleep *silently*." Natalie felt sick at the thought of pretending LaCroix' vice-like arms belonged to Nick...who had barely touched her over the last day. The only time he had of his own free will had been to stand or steady himself right at first...or to push her away. And Nick wouldn't half crush her if it was him that held her...except he had when he had checked on her before he tried to kill himself. She closed her eyes with the plan to fall asleep once again, but LaCroix had horribly just put her focus back on Nick. She only managed to remain quiet and outwardly calm for a few minutes before she once more began to cry. She had tried to avoid it, not wanting LaCroix to see her like this, but then she thought of Nick seeing her break down and she couldn't hold it back a moment longer. "What if you're wrong?" she asked when his arms tightened further around her waist. "About what?" "That Nick won't mind me now being like him. Or was that a lie when you answered Tracy?" LaCroix hesitated a moment. He remembered his answer, but... He didn't see why she was asking it. He had seen them together before, and he had the impression his son wouldn't care. But he hadn't been able to observe them much in person this past day, and his son's emotions had been quite subdued...far more than they should be now that he could be with his lover without worry. "Will he be okay?" she asked more quietly, trying to hold in her emotions. "Has he ever wanted to end his life as much as he does now?" "He will be fine. He no longer has any reason to kill himself, and he has you to live for." Natalie closed her eyes. That's what she was afraid of. And it wasn't just her he didn't want to hurt...LaCroix' answer didn't make her feel any better. "I don't want to be his only reason to live," she finally voiced aloud. Then, feeling tears well up again, she admitted, "He's pushing me away when I try to touch him. I'm afraid to ask why." "I will speak to him." Natalie turned at the thought, able to push LaCroix' hands away either because he allowed it or from her anger. "No. Don't. I don't think yelling at him will help." "Watching him muddle through things on his own rarely changes his behaviour for the better." Natalie pulled back further and sat up. "For whose better? What you want or think is better, or for Nick?" "For Nicholas, of course," LaCroix hissed back. "And now you as well." "Stop trying to fix him!" she yelled, LaCroix' form suddenly becoming crystal clear in the darkness. She felt out of control, but she didn't care. "Let him make his own choices. I don't want him shoved in any particular direction." "Haven't you already done that?" "This was my choice and it wasn't done to tie him to me." "Even though that is exactly what you've done?" "And you. And unlike you I'm willing to let go of him." Natalie stood and started back to the sofa, only for LaCroix to abruptly appear in front of her. "Really? Could you? You love him, and he you. Nicholas couldn't leave you. Could you stand by and watch him kill himself? Not that he'll try again...he has you he's responsible for." Natalie held her ground even as LaCroix moved so close she could feel air move against her face as he spoke. She had thought of this, however. "Yes, I could. If he really wants to die I'll stand with him in the sun if I have to." LaCroix flinched back a couple of inches. He could see and hear her determination...this was no lie or simple threat. "I will not be his only reason to live. I will not," Natalie's voice quavered as she repeated the last; it was hard to voice her thoughts, but she felt horribly more sure of them as she did. "I will not watch him torture himself just so that I am not alone. I will not watch him blame himself for what I've become. It was my choice, and while I knew he was leaning toward..." She had to stop, pause, and at that a couple of tears escaped. "While I had hoped it would make Nick be able to see he does have reasons to live--and not just for me--if he doesn't I don't want him to be miserable. And certainly not to spare my feelings." She tried to walk around LaCroix, but he caught her arm. "So you would push him to his death." Natalie yanked out of his grip. "No. Never. I don't really even believe suicide is a solution to..." She shook her head. "But I do see why it appeals to Nick. And making him feel guilty or blaming him or-- Please don't talk to him about this...please don't. I don't want him to think I am in any way worried I made the wrong choice," she pleaded. "Please don't tell him about any of this, and certainly not that I'm an absolute basket-case." Natalie closed her eyes in an attempt to get her body and senses to relax, but it didn't work at all. "And please tell me I'll get used to this...sensory overload. Everything I sense or feel seems so...amplified." LaCroix hesitated, unsure if his answer would be truthful in her case. Vaguely he replied, "The first few days can be difficult...overwhelming. You will become more accustomed to the acuteness of your senses over time." "And what about how I feel? My emotions, I guess." "The same." Natalie began to pace a couple of steps back and forth, her arms crossed in front of her. She felt tired, downright exhausted, but her worry for Nick overwhelmed any drowsiness. "I don't want you making suggestions about either what he should do or what he's done wrong or...anything that pushes his thoughts one way or the other." Finished, Natalie stopped pacing and turned to face LaCroix. "It just seems like more often than not when pushed Nick pushes back, and not in the way expected. If that assessment is wrong, feel free to ignore what I said, but I think you want the same thing I do." "Which is what...exactly?" "Nick to choose whatever he chooses on his own without our interference. If he decides something he doesn't really want he'll just resent whoever pushed or forced him into deciding on a particular view or action, whatever. I don't want that and I doubt you do, either." When LaCroix just stood staring at her, Natalie again started pacing. She couldn't help it. Moments later she felt a hand on her arm. "Don't touch me," she hissed under her breath. Spinning, she expected him to release her, but all that changed was adding a pain-like sensation to her arm as her skin was twisted and surely bruised. "Please, let go of me. I should try to sleep." LaCroix didn't do as asked as his concern had grown. She seemed erratic, even frightened. He couldn't read her mood beyond that. "I will not tell him of your worries...but when you tell Nicholas that you are doing fine with your new life...will it be the truth?" "Yes," Natalie answered without a second thought. "Now let go of me." "No," LaCroix whispered, looking her carefully over. "You went to work last night, I believe?" "I'm sure you know I did; I'm sure you checked on him and assumed or checked where he had gone. I needed to see if my job would be doable at some point." "And is it?" Natalie hesitated, a bit nervous at his questions. She suspected it had little to do with her well-being. What work she could and could not do might very well determine where Nick might work assuming they worked semi-together in whatever next jobs they had. In the immediate future, if she couldn't manage her job it would be more likely that Nick wouldn't return to work after his suspension. They would leave...and LaCroix would follow, she'd bet. "It went fine," she told him. "Fine," LaCroix repeated, "isn't a very descriptive word." "It went better than I expected," she clarified, then again tugged the arm he held. Still he wouldn't let go. "And what, exactly, does that mean?" "It means I don't think I'll have to quit because of it." "Will you do so for other reasons?" "Yes, if you are asking if I'll quit if Nick decides not to go back to work." Suspecting that would raise another question, she added, "And no, I have no idea whether he will or not. We haven't talked much, but I don't think even he knows." Natalie nearly tried to break free of the grip again, but by now her tiredness was starting to overpower her worry. She stopped trying to pull away ever so slightly, and finally she felt LaCroix' grip relax. Her relief, however, was short-lived as LaCroix pulled her back toward him, then the bed. "I am fine on the couch." "While it is refreshing to have a daughter who does not expect to automatically be given, in this case, the bed, you will sleep there." He forced her forward in front of him. "If you are objecting because you do not want me there, I can sleep elsewhere." Natalie stopped struggling at the comment, and she thought aloud, "I can't see you taking the couch." LaCroix chuckled. "Why not? I have slept on stone floors and wooden tables throughout the centuries...a late 20th century couch is more comfortable than many so-called mattresses." He released Natalie to quickly pull back the comforter and sheet. "Although that won't be necessary, will it?" Natalie stood still, watching LaCroix as he walked to the other side of the bed and lay down above the comforter. Only now did she notice that he hadn't even changed into whatever he'd normally sleep in; he wore what looked like the same or an identical suit as he had the previous day. He had closed his eyes, and not wanting to argue further--or perhaps make LaCroix ask any further questions--Natalie slowly lay on the edge of the bed and pulled the covers around her. Almost immediately she felt better. Being in an actual bed to sleep helped her thoughts settle, and without LaCroix holding her she found she could better relax and she closed her eyes. She could easily be at her apartment or Nick's... No, she couldn't think about Nick. He was probably doing just fine. Broken Lies - (35/42) Nick paced that evening. The sun had gone down nearly an hour before. He had paced or just stared at the clock most of the day when Natalie hadn't been there by dawn. He knew that was his own fault. When he thought about it he realised when he had told her he wanted to be alone for a little bit he hadn't specified past that. Natalie had probably assumed he wanted to be alone for the day. If it was just that, he'd not pace, but he had called Natalie several times. Either she wasn't at her apartment, she didn't want to talk to him, or she had turned the ringer on her phone off. Her cell was also off, and she didn't answer her pager. He had even called her work number, but again no answer. Then he had waited rather impatiently for sunset, expecting Natalie to come by then. He knew she didn't feel quite prepared for her job, or at least some aspects of it. She had wanted him there at least the first few days so that hopefully she'd get at least one go of most if not all of the harder parts of her job. Mainly she had been worried about autopsies and crime scenes--two things he had visible issues with. Natalie's shift would start soon; obviously she wasn't coming by his place first. Abruptly ceasing his pacing Nick left, flying to the morgue as fast as the wind would allow. Her car sat outside, but that didn't mean anything. As far as he knew she could have left it there that morning. He cautiously entered, then relaxed as he sensed another vampire just as he reached the doors to autopsy. It had to be Natalie, and he pushed one of the doors open and found Natalie pulling on gloves; she had already changed into scrubs. "Oh good, just in time," Natalie said without turning to face Nick. "I was starting to think you weren't coming by." She turned, but didn't quite look at him. "You feel any better?" "I...yes," Nick fumbled, then lied. His mind, his thoughts were clearer, but he worried about Natalie. They had barely talked about either what he'd done or what Natalie now was, and what little they had managed was tinged with anger and hatred. "Nat--" "You might want to go sit at my desk," Natalie said as she walked away from Nick and the counter. "I'd like to get this done, and she has a fresh wound--a caesarean. She died during delivery." Nick's mixed mood crashed. "And her baby?" "Alive and well from what I've heard. Thankfully." She let out a breath. "But it is still rather--" "Tragic." "Yeah." Nick started slowly forward to the box of gloves. "I'll do what I did last night; I'll stay close in case--" "No." Natalie shut her eyes for a moment, then repeated, "No. I have to be able to do this on my own, and that means you should stay back." "At your desk," Nick stated, repeating her request with a slight nod. If...when he went back to work he wouldn't be able to be there while she worked, but she seemed to be pushing herself hard. He nodded again, more to tell himself that she would have to do this sooner or later than give a visible agreement to Natalie. When she just waited, he muttered, "Okay," and started toward the corner. "If you want me to come back over--" "I'll tell you," Natalie icily stated, then continued getting ready to do the autopsy. She had left the Raven the moment she could with a couple bottles of blood that now sat in her still stocked fridge at home. Nick had left two short messages and a hang-up after that. He had even called her pager. Yet out of the corner of her eye she could see him just sitting calmly at her desk. Or, well, he sat watching her, worried...which wouldn't help her focus any. In an hour or so Nick would probably be bored. Completely avoiding looking at him, she went about her work, retrieving the woman's body. Indeed, in an hour Nick had become a bit bored, but while Natalie was busy he hadn't expected to be more or less completely ignored. Another two and a half hours had passed before Natalie had finished, at which she said little more beyond comment that cause of death hadn't been a result of malpractice...and that she hoped she'd speed back up. The previous night she had noted the autopsy had taken longer than expected...said it felt like her first all over again. Nick couldn't do much it seemed beyond stay out of her way. Half-way through her shift that had meant he had been evicted from her desk, then soon after that the bit of counter he next occupied was also needed. Again he felt ignored, or like she didn't want him there. As she just about bowled him over for the dozenth or more time, he protested, "Nat--" "I'm sorry, Nick, I don't have anything for you to do tonight," Natalie said without looking at him. "I don't need something to do," he replied, following her to her desk while also trying to stay out of her possible next path. "But I...I feel like I'm in your way." Natalie stopped trying to busy herself with work and looked over at Nick. He was agitated, but she couldn't tell why. Was he worried about her, or did he want to leave? "You don't have to stay if you don't want. I can call you if I get called out or get another patient?" she suggested. Feeling his suspicions confirmed, Nick just absently nodded, then left. At first Natalie just watched Nick start toward the counter. When he continued to and out the doors, she panicked and froze up. She had expected a reply; she hadn't meant to tell him to leave, but she had a feeling that's exactly what happened. "Nick?" she called as the doors swung shut, then she started after him, pulling off the gloves she had just put on a few minutes before. Just as she reached the outside doors they opened, a detective entering. She turned and headed the other way to get to another exit. "Dr. Lambert?" Natalie ignored the detective. She wanted to go after Nick...they needed to talk. Now. "Dr. Lambert? Natalie?" She spun to find the detective right behind her. "What?!" When the detective stopped in his tracks and even pulled back slightly, Natalie shut her eyes, forcing herself to relax. "I'm sorry, bad night. What can I help you with?" "I can come back?" Natalie inwardly winced as the other started slowly backing away. "No. Now is perfectly fine. What do you need?" "Evidence from--" "Lombardi robbery," she suddenly answered. "You will have it before sunrise. I will drop it off as soon as it's done." "That bad?" "Busy," Natalie said, looking away. "Just a little more behind than usual." She forced a smile. Detective Kershaw and his partner worked at the 96th; if she said it was someone rather than something bothering her, he'd guess it was Nick. "You all right? You seem a bit--" "I'm fine," she answered, trying to appear as relaxed as she could. For a moment Natalie thought Kershaw was going to ask something, but then he thankfully turned and left. Natalie stood in the hall for what felt like minutes. However much she wanted to go after Nick, she had no idea where he had gone. And she had more work...including some she had completely forgotten about, apparently. Natalie closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, hoping it would help calm her. It did help, but not as much as she needed. Slowly Natalie started back to her work area, telling herself they could talk in the morning. She would go by Nick's, he would be there, waiting, and they would probably laugh about their misunderstandings. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Come morning, pacing incessantly at Nick's, Natalie found she had been wrong. Nick wasn't there, and she didn't know if he would come back before sunrise or not. While she had planned to stay regardless, she had expected he'd still have some of the blood Tracy had brought. Nick's fridge, however, was once again empty, and it was quite possible Nick wouldn't return before dawn. He could be at the Raven, or he could be waiting for her at her apartment. Wherever he was it wasn't the loft, and while Nick was accustomed to fasting...she wasn't. At all. And Sydney needed fed as well. And she had to do something with her fridge... And maybe Nick would be there in her apartment, waiting. He certainly wasn't here. Leaving the loft the way she came in--via the stairs--Natalie paused outside. Then, in a flash, she flew to the roof. While it seemed she could sense when another vampire was near, she didn't know how close she needed to be. Was it ten feet? Twenty? Fifty? The roof was empty...which she had expected. That she was aware Nick didn't just go up on rooftops and stand there, thinking, but after two mornings ago she had no clue. She could see him maybe standing until the sun started to come up...but he preferred doing that at windows. It was both easier to get out of the light and he could wait to the last second. And the one thing she knew and was fairly certain of was that Nick wouldn't kill himself. Not now. She hoped that when she saw him he'd seem...normal, but she couldn't help but worry Nick would pull away. She hadn't even bothered to try comforting him tonight, not even give a touch to his arm if he was in her way...and he had moved right away every time he was, so they had barely even brushed against one another. As far as she knew she could be making Nick pull back more. Natalie left the rooftop and headed for her apartment. This was her fourth trip by air between their homes, and for the first time she really felt like she knew where she was going. Reaching her building, Natalie felt her mood sink at the realisation that Nick probably wouldn't be there. She didn't sense him as she zipped by and to an out-of-the-way spot on the grounds. Making her way ever more slowly to her apartment, she eventually accepted that Nick wouldn't be there. And he wasn't. While she didn't look forward to spending the day alone--already she could hear her neighbours waking--she knew she had to get used to being around more people. And she did have things she could do if she needed to distract herself. And distract herself with necessary tasks was exactly what Natalie did. First she watched Sydney flee to her bedroom to hide, then scurry right back out as she entered and changed out of her work clothes--another dark-coloured suit. Then she went to the kitchen and started pulling any food items out of the cupboards that weren't cat food or cat treats. She made two piles of a sort, separating partially used, opened, or expired items and perfectly good boxes and cans of food she could donate. The latter she put in a box, which she left on the counter. The rest she ended up putting in a garbage bag, which she set out of the way as she wouldn't be able to take it out until after the sun went down. Spotting Sydney watching her, Natalie put some food down for him, but once again he seemed more worried about her than he was hungry. She almost just left the kitchen so that he would eat, but if she could just get him to realise his human...well, his Natalie was the same Natalie, just no longer mortal and now a pure carnivore... Natalie squatted slowly down, hoping Sydney would be just curious enough to stay...and he was. Carefully she reached her hand out to him. He pulled his head back, but he didn't bolt. "See, Sydney, it's just me." As he then cautiously sniffed her fingers, she whispered, "I smell different, don't I? You know I'm different?" She leaned ever closer, continuing to talk to him as her voice seemed to keep him put. "You know what I am, don't you, Sydney? You know that I'm like Nick? You know I'm a predator...a bigger predator with longer teeth, and that you might not be safe, don't you?" By now, Natalie had managed to move her hand so that her fingers were close to his neck, and slowly she scratched him under his ear. She smiled as he allowed it. "That's right, you still know it's me, Sydney," she cooed, and moved a little closer. This time Natalie hadn't managed to approach as smoothly, and whatever had calmed him broke. As she scratched behind his ears he turned and hissed. Instinctively Natalie tried to pick him up like she did when he did this to Nick, but he pulled back against the counter, then sliced his claws into her arm as he escaped over it. A fur-feathered blood smear appeared on the floor, and Natalie made another more intentional grab. She caught Sydney surprisingly easily before he escaped the kitchen and reached the carpet. "No, you are not going anywhere," she muttered as she stood, Sydney trying to bite at her fingers. "You are not going to track blood through everything, and--ugh, you are definitely not licking any of that up. I do not need a mad, vampire kitty literally flying off the walls." Natalie then moved toward the sink and turned the water on, which made Sydney even more nervous. At least now the water was the enemy rather than her. First she rinsed off Sydney's front paws, but to get the rest of her blood off his fur she had to pretty much soak his whole right side. That had been a bit more difficult as rather than put him directly under the faucet like he had let her do with his paws, she had needed to use a cup to gather the water and pour it through his fur because his reaction to getting wet was to cower as far from the source of the water as possible rather than bolt, which meant to press up against her. Natalie had then wrapped him in a kitchen towel and moved him to an empty bit of counter. Sydney just stared at her, ears back, ready to hiss...or try swatting her arm again. Rather than attempting to dry Sydney off better, Natalie just let go of him and backed out of the kitchen. Maybe he'd stay and manage to eat? Natalie stopped upon seeing the small spot of blood on the floor, and keeping an eye on Sydney she pulled off a paper towel sheet and wiped most of it up in one swipe. Natalie then ducked around the corner and headed to the bathroom to rinse off her own arm. Problem was there was nothing to wash off. Her shirt miraculously was merely damp and not even a little blood-stained. The slices from Sydney might as well have never been there. Had enough time really passed for it to heal? Stupid question given it had done just that. In an effort to stay out of the kitchen, Natalie went ahead and washed her lower arms and hands off, then she went about other, normal daily rituals. Washing her face had gone fine, but without thinking she went to brush her teeth...and abruptly felt like throwing up. She spit out as much of the toothpaste as she could, then used a cup on the counter to get water, which she sipped and spit out until the wretched, strong mint taste had faded...mostly. She still felt like gagging, and in moments her toothpaste had been relocated to the trash. She didn't want to do that again anytime soon. It'd be something to perhaps ask Nick about sometime. Natalie shut her eyes at that thought, then trashed her toothbrush, too. Just standing there she could hear a couple arguing in another apartment on her floor, and it sounded like Sydney had decided to eat his meal. She wasn't going to have much luck sleeping, she suspected. But that would be fine. She hadn't quite finished with the kitchen cupboards, there was the fridge and freezer that would need gone through later in the day, and the tube of toothpaste wouldn't be the only casualty in the bathroom. She'd have to go through things eventually; probably better she did it now while she would be alone. Broken Lies - (36/42) LaCroix stared at his son's partner across the Raven. She hadn't noticed he was watching her...nor had she spotted her partner sitting in the shadows, drinking. His son was on a self-loathing binge and could snap at the slightest provocation. Even if Miss Vetter didn't notice him cross the club, her attention would surely find them once he did. However much he wanted to know his child's thoughts, LaCroix had no desire to possibly make the other's mood worse. He knew the mortal would leave soon. She was one of those conscientious mortals...she was waiting for the drink she had ordered to wear off so that she could drive 'safely'. It should be about time for her to leave... Moments later the corner of his mouth tweaked up as she stood and started for the exit. His feeling of pleasure only lasted until Tracy had left the club. Then, slowly, LaCroix approached his son, commenting offhand, "I should ban her." "No," Nick roughly said, but he didn't look up from his nearly empty bottle. "No?" "She didn't even notice me." He took a long drink from the bottle, finishing it off. "And I can't see you banning a young woman...don't those like her increase business?" LaCroix forced himself not to continue that line of conversation, and he inched closer, planning to sit opposite of the younger. "Another," Nick said, holding the bottle out to LaCroix. "I think not," LaCroix said, ignoring the held out bottle as he sat down. The other's eyes were verging on gold and his son's voice had been slightly distorted by descended fangs. As the bottle was lowered, LaCroix asked, "Why are you here...alone? Shouldn't you be with your precious Natalie?" "She doesn't work tonight," Nick stated as if it explained everything. "And? Shouldn't that--" "I don't know where she is." Nick closed his eyes, pausing before he added, "I don't know if we're just missing one another or if she's avoiding me. She hasn't stayed...she didn't come to my place after her shift either last night or the night before, and she wasn't at her apartment this morning. Tonight I went by both the morgue and her place, and she wasn't at either." "And then you came here?" "Yes." "Why not track her, find her?" At that thought, LaCroix lightly chuckled. "Ah, yes, you never quite caught on, did you? You could follow...or find me if you really focused, but you often couldn't find Janette. Did you even try to sense where Natalie might be?" Nick glanced away. "Yes, of course I tried." "Why don't you try again?" LaCroix prodded, standing with a smile. "She could very well be waiting for you at your place." "Or she could be miles from Toronto if she's avoiding me." "If," LaCroix repeated. "If you really want to find her, distance won't matter. My blood flows in each of you; use that connection, follow it and find her." Nick glanced up as LaCroix sharply turned and left, disappearing into the back rooms of the club. LaCroix' comment that Natalie could be waiting for him back at his loft and that it was only a possibility that she could be purposely avoiding him... But he had also tried determining where Natalie had gone when he hadn't found her at home or her work. He hadn't rechecked his place, but he had waited before he left. If Natalie really wanted to see him, wanted to talk to him, wouldn't she have come over? Or tried to find him? Other than to see her, the Raven was the only other place he'd go...and she knew that. He had been there for hours that night, polishing off three full bottles. Touching the bottle still in front of him, Nick slowly turned it with his fingers. He felt barely in control, and yet he still wanted more...he'd rather sit here and drink than find Natalie only to be told to leave again. He'd just end up back at the club, doing what he had been doing. By searching for her he'd both use up extra energy and possibly raise his anger...not because he was angry but because that's how he felt when he hunted when satiated. It was times like that he sometimes didn't know what he was doing. Closing his eyes, Nick made another attempt at sensing Natalie. As he expected, he couldn't even tell what direction LaCroix was in from where he sat, forget Natalie. The club was too noisy, both literally and because nearly half the night's patrons were vampires. Too much interference. However much he worried Natalie wouldn't talk to him--really talk to him, not just simple, necessary comments--he needed to try. Setting the bottle down on the table Nick stood and started for the exit, specifically the back exit that was less used and less known about. He passed a woman just before the back door, and he bristled when she caught hold of his jacket. He changed, bearing his fangs with a hiss as he extricated her hand. She returned the hiss, cowering back from him in fright. Nick barely paused as he then exited. The door barely clicked shut before he was in the air. He flew several blocks back toward his loft, then landed on a random roof and closed his eyes. First he tried to focus on LaCroix. With his heightened senses that only took a couple of seconds, but he hadn't expected to have any difficulty with that. Then he tried to sense Natalie in the same way, but just like he had tried earlier that night...nothing. It seemed impossible. He had barely spent any time with Natalie since she had become a vampire, and it had always been time together, physical contact, and blood that strengthened his connection with Janette. And LaCroix...even LaCroix' presence alone could strengthen their connection. Realising it should do the same with Natalie, too, Nick tried again. He turned slowly, focusing on both the direction Natalie's apartment was in as well as his own. And then, suddenly, he sensed something and took off, not wanting to lose it. At first, Nick wasn't sure where he was heading beyond not his apartment or hers, but just as he ruled those out he knew: Coroner's Building. She had gone to work even though it was her night off. Knowing his destination, Nick sped faster, carelessly through the night breeze, until he landed nearly in front of the doors. He didn't feel any less nervous as he entered and slowly made his way to autopsy where Natalie generally worked and would likely be found. Like the previous night he paused at the doors to the room; Natalie was definitely inside. He pushed the door gently open, then his nervousness shifted focus as he saw Natalie shut a drawer rather quickly and turn toward him. What had she been doing? And why didn't she want him to see? "Nat? I thought you were off tonight?" "I am." "I had hoped you'd have come by the loft tonight." "I did. You weren't there, and I was not going to sit there alone and wait." "I waited there an hour before I went by your apartment." Natalie didn't answer immediately; she had taken so long to get to Nick's because she had gone ahead and taken out the garbage, taken a few things to one of her neighbours--the only one she even vaguely knew--to see if they wanted anything, and then she had finally taken a large box of non-perishable food to donate...and she had driven, which didn't help her speed. "I had a couple of errands to do," she told him not wanting to tell Nick she had been excising her apartment of mortal food. "Have you been waiting at my apartment?" Nick shook his head. "When I found your place empty I came by here...and then I went to the Raven. I've been sitting there, drinking, for the past few hours." Before Natalie could ask, he told her, "Three bottles. Too much, I know." Still preoccupied by what he had seen when he entered, Nick nodded toward the drawer Natalie was now blocking with her body. "What were you doing?" "Nothing, really, just--" Natalie cut off when Nick moved forward. She reluctantly moved out of the way as he reached for the drawer. Nick pulled the drawer open, his eyes quickly scanning the contents: Extra supplies, two vials of blood, and a tourniquet. Now that Natalie had moved, he could see the needle on the counter. She had drawn her own blood. He turned and took several steps away, trying to think why she had done it and why she had hidden it. "Are you that desperate to--" "No," Natalie quickly answered before he could finish. "It's nothing, really. I just wanted to see how similar it was to yours, and if the change or transformation or whatever is complete. I'm assuming it is, but I'm still curious." Without turning, Nick softly asked, "Do you want me to leave?" Natalie started forward only to stop short of grabbing Nick's arm and turning him. Instead, she settled for again telling him, "No. No, I don't want you to go. I didn't last night, either." She paused, then continued, "I think we need to talk or at the very least I'd like to know when you might be up to that?" She waited, but Nick remained silent and turned away from her. Carefully Natalie touched his arm, then walked around to his side. Pleased that he didn't pull away, she prodded, "Nick? I know you don't want me to ask, but are you doing okay?" Glancing to Natalie, Nick almost immediately looked away. "You're right...we should talk. And no, I'm not doing...I'm not okay." Then he sharply turned to her. "Why didn't you come to stay with me either of the last two days? Have I done something...have I screwed up more than the obvious?" "No, no, no, Nick. You haven't...I didn't come over because I thought you wanted to be alone. I'm sorry, I probably should have said something." "But you didn't answer your phone or pager, nor did you call me back when I tried to call the first morning--" Natalie dropped her hand away from Nick's arm, then admitted, "I wasn't there...I wasn't home. I felt too on edge or nervous or...something at my apartment as my neighbours woke, and I didn't want to go to your place in case you wanted to be alone...so I went to the Raven. I didn't take anything with me." Nick hadn't really considered or thought much about how Natalie was coping. She seemed fine at work, but since she hadn't come by he hadn't seen her away from work until now...and even now he suspected Natalie was more in work mode despite her more casual clothes...just a plain, dressier t-shirt and a long skirt. "I don't think I've asked... How are you doing with--" "Fine, although my cat hates me and I'm not sure where we are, me and you. Other than that, so far, I'm doing fine. At least with being a vampire." Nick could see Natalie's nervousness. Whether or not she was doing all right regarding now being a vampire, something was certainly bothering her...and more than just her cat probably giving her a wide berth and them missing and misunderstanding one another. "Put the vials away; I suspect you'd rather talk somewhere else?" Natalie just nodded and did as Nick suggested. He was right in that she didn't particularly want to have a long conversation here on her night off. She startled a little as she finished, closing the cooler door, and Nick took her left hand, pulling her gently toward the door. "Where?" Nick asked, turning to look at Natalie. "Your apartment? Mine? Somewhere else?" "Yours, I guess." As they exited the building, Natalie watched Nick glance about to ensure they were alone. Nick still had a firm hold on her hand, and she pulled back rather abruptly realising what he planned to do. "Nat?" "I should probably just follow you," she said, extricating her hand from his. She felt bad when he stiffened, but before she could dwell too much Nick had taken off and she was left to try following him. That did not go very well. Nick seemed faster than her, and he didn't seem to go in a straight line...several times on the way to his place she had no idea where they were. Trying to follow his weaving path when she, herself, still felt like she was fumbling a bit with the basics required her whole concentration and made this nearly as stressful as she'd likely feel once they got to the loft. Relieved when she finally arrived outside Nick's, Natalie noticed he was watching her rather closely. "I'm fine." Nick then led the way to the elevator, where they rode up in silence. As they came to a stop, he again took Natalie's hand and led her inside. Natalie glanced around the loft, half-expecting Nick to have started packing or something, but it was the same as usual. She let Nick lead her to the sofa and she sat down when he did. "I know I hurt you--" "And I know you didn't want this for me; I think we're pretty close to even on hurting one another." Nick shook his head. "I might not have wanted it, but as you said you won't be tied to any sort of time-schedule...assuming you'll still help me." "I'll only keep looking if that's what you want." "It is." Natalie took in a careful, deep breath. "Is it what you want? I mean, is it what you really, truly want?" "Yes. Wanting to become mortal is what I want." "Is that to become mortal, or to end being a vampire?" "Both. They're the same." "No, they're not. You can stop being a vampire in more than one way. It's what you wanted three nights ago." She paused; Nick had become uncomfortable, but without asking directly... "I want to know if that is still what you want?" "Nat--" "Please just answer the question." "No, not now, not with you---" "Me," Natalie finished, drowning out Nick's last word. "But without me, would you?" Nick just shook his head slightly, not able to answer. "Nick, I don't want you to be miserable. If you really don't want to live, I'll help you," she finally managed. Nick went tense, and he shook his head more firmly. "I mean it, Nick. Whatever you want to strive for I'll support you. I don't want you to do something you don't really want just because of my choices, or because of me, or--" "I won't be miserable." "But if you do--" "I won't be miserable!" Nick repeated, standing and walking away. When after nearly a minute Nick neither turned around nor made any further reply, Natalie stood and approached, resting a hand on his back, her other hand on his arm. He turned at the touch, moving slow enough to let her one hand slide over his back. "Nick--" "I won't be miserable, Nat. Not as long as... Have I done something to further hurt you in the past couple of days?" "I already told you that you haven't." "Something I've done is bothering you," he whispered, trying to read her expression. "Something small. Something I don't even know I'm doing." Seeing Nick's confusion and worry, Natalie wanted to tell him, but instead shook her head. "It's nothing." "It's not nothing, whatever 'it' is." Nick pulled away, pacing back and forth a few times before coming to a halt and spinning back toward Natalie from several feet away. "Please, tell me what it is. I don't want you to--whatever is bothering you I don't want it to push us apart." Natalie looked down as Nick walked back to her, taking her hands in his. "It was more than just thinking you wanted to be alone for why I didn't come over, stay over the past couple days," she started, hoping her worries wouldn't make him react badly. "The first night at the morgue you wouldn't let me touch you and kept shrugging away when I tried. I thought it might be because of me...because I was no longer mortal." Nick frowned and slowly shook his head. He did remember he had kept pulling away from her touch, but it had nothing to do with Natalie now being a vampire. "I pulled away because I didn't feel I deserved your comfort. I'm the one that had hurt you. And I had still been trying to process what happened." "I should have said something then, but I didn't want to give you more to worry about or more to blame yourself for. And then when you said you wanted to be alone... I figured it was related. I thought you needed time to yourself." Nick released Natalie's hands, bringing his up to gently cup around her chin. "I'm sorry, I didn't know. I wasn't thinking about--" "I know, Nick. It's fine. That's another reason I didn't say anything--and why I still didn't want to even now. Really, it's nothing." Natalie touched Nick's forearms, trying to tug them down so that he would perhaps look less concerned. Despite Natalie's reassuring half-smile, Nick didn't want to let go. Not now with what she told him. As his fingers slipped away from her neck, he wrapped his arms around Natalie, pulling her into a rather impromptu and snug embrace. It felt so very good to finally be able to hold her. Natalie's hot warmth had gone, but she still smelt just the same. Natalie closed her eyes as Nick embraced her, and she held him to her as well. When his muscles again didn't cringe back at her touch, she let herself relax. Just holding him and him holding her, breathing in his scent, Natalie felt that everything would be okay. After a moment, she realised that Nick seemed different...he smelled different to her. She could still smell the faint spicy scent she had long associated with Nick, but in addition to that being stronger there was another sweeter scent that overpowered the other. "You know, you smell so sweet, like sugar, or--" "Cinnamon and honey," Nick whispered smiling. "Or that's what I've been told. It's my blood; we all have somewhat different scents." "I haven't noticed it with anyone else..." "You wouldn't until you were close...or if you were starving. And unless you're paying attention it can just blend in." Natalie smiled a little at that. No, she hadn't really paid attention...she had other things to think and worry about. Then she had relaxed. "Should I ask what my blood smells like?" "Wild flowers and blackberries." "Wild flowers and blackberries," Natalie softly repeated. "With a touch of vanilla." She thought his description was cute, and she turned to look up at Nick and found him smiling as well. "How about we go sit down again?" she suggested and started guiding him backward. Nick complied without comment, fully trusting Natalie would ensure he didn't run into anything...and he didn't until he had reached his destination. Then, not thinking, he leaned down and kissed Natalie on the lips. To Natalie the contact felt like fire, and almost immediately her fangs descended. Agonisingly, Nick then pulled away, his smile gone and replaced with blank worry. "Nick?" "I'm sorry, I'm not sure if you want...with what I've done, do you need more time? You won't be able to stop even if you want to if we..." Natalie started to shake her head, but stopped almost immediately. She had changed at the kiss and remained that way. Looking up at Nick he looked...he hadn't. She felt more than ready, but Nick... "I'm fine." She paused noticing her fangs had vanished, probably from her worry, then suggested, "I'm also fine if you want to wait." Nick closed his eyes, bowing his head slightly. "My thoughts...my blood will show you what I'm feeling, what I've felt the past few days..." Realising Nick feared what she would think, how she would react, Natalie admitted, "I tasted some of the blood that you had left for LaCroix." She paused, watching Nick's mood fall even further. "I know you planned not to wake up, Nick. You wanted to die for a lot of reasons, and if you need time--" "I don't want to hurt you with my thoughts." "You won't." "Nat, you don't--" Natalie kissed him, cutting off his protest. She changed again, and not only did Nick kiss her back but his hands went to her waist, pulling her against him. Smiling, she followed Nick as he sat on the couch cushions, his hands tugging her down with him as he turned her. Natalie closed her eyes when he kissed her neck, and she gasped faintly at how very good that felt. She barely noticed Nick's hands flitting up her leg, pulling her skirt out of the way. Suddenly, something clicked or snapped and Natalie acted out of instinct, biting into Nick's bared neck. If Nick's blood had tasted of despair and resignation like it had before, Natalie would have stopped, but most of what she felt was want and liveliness, and so she drank more deeply. She nearly pulled back with another gasp when Nick sank his own fangs into her neck. Her wonderful pleasure doubled in an instant, but even so she became so distracted by the pain and pleasure that she stopped feeding from Nick. She held him tightly, smiling as Nick continued to drink from her. Finally pulling back, Nick gently kissed Natalie's neck where he had bitten her, then just rest his lips lightly there, smiling, as Natalie's feelings rushed through him. Her want and desire for him momentarily pushed away his worry and doubt. "I'm sorry, Nick... That didn't quite go as I was planning," Natalie admitted as her emotions settled a little. "We can always try again," Nick said, nibbling under her ear. "Assuming we're done talking?" He pulled his head back so that he could kiss her on the lips. "Yeah, I think we're done talking...for now, anyway." "For now," Nick repeated just before he again kissed her. Grinning, Natalie pushed him back so that she could fully sit up, then her fingers lingered on his shirt, which she next began to unbutton. Nick just smiled lopsidedly in reply. He could neither make himself stop her, nor did he want to. She also hadn't become distressed at the surely mixed emotions of his blood, and as she undid his belt he leaned forward and kissed her again, at which he joined in with Natalie's plan in undressing one another first this time... Broken Lies - (37/42) Natalie stared down at the blood-pool on the asphalt next to the head of the sole victim at her first crime scene as a vampire. She had mostly made it through a quick look-over when she had suddenly become transfixed on the wound and the blood. It didn't help that the young woman's body had barely begun to cool and that much of the blood hadn't even dried. Natalie didn't dare try to move away or even close her eyes...she knew she'd smell the blood stronger if she closed her eyes. She wished Nick could pull her away or otherwise distract her...or that she could go to him, but that was out unless she flew to where he was watching her from as she seemed frozen in place. "Natalie?" Starting at her name, Natalie was thankful for something to pull her attention away and turned toward Tracy with a smile. "I'm fine." Tracy was a bit taken aback; she hadn't asked anything. "So you escaped more surveillance?" "Yeah, although not sure this is much better by what I got from who found her." Tracy looked to the young woman who lay crumpled on her back. "How old was she?" Natalie pursed her lips. This case had a few touchy areas. "Sixteen." Tracy shook her head slightly. She didn't at all feel ready for this. "Is Nick somewhere around?" Natalie nodded. "Yeah, he's around." "Do you think he'd come out, or down, or whatever--" "He still has another two days of his suspension left, Tracy." "I know that, but I was thinking of calling and seeing if it'd be all right if he...tagged along while I notified the parents and the like. I'd think Reese might agree--he had been pleased when he found out that Nick had finished up all our backlogged paperwork--but I don't want to ask him if you know Nick wouldn't." "He might. I can't say for sure..." Natalie closed her eyes. She could feel Nick nearby; he was probably listening. Again focusing on Tracy, she told her, "Call Reese and ask, but--" "I know he might not say yes and I'll make it clear I haven't asked Nick yet." "Then...if Nick is up to working he'll...be waiting in or by my car," Natalie said, hoping Nick was listening. Tracy nodded, but hesitated before leaving. Natalie seemed...off. "I can wait until we're done here?" Natalie shook her head. "No. No, I could really use a few minutes alone." At that, Tracy reluctantly pulled out her phone and started walking away from Natalie and toward her and Natalie's cars. Maybe it'd be good if Nick worked for other reasons? Just before leaving the crime scene proper, Tracy stopped as she waited to get through. Hearing Reese answer, she started, "Captain? It's Vetter--" "Should I ask how it's going, or by calling have you answered that already?" Tracy winced. "Well, I was wondering if, er, Nick could--" "Your partner is taking a--" "Involuntary vacation. I know. But I also know he's...I'm pretty sure he's here; Natalie's car, I think. I haven't talked to him yet, but... I don't think he needed a whole week off, and..." She paused, not particularly wanting to admit that she wasn't quite ready to work solo on a case, or at least not this one. "And I really don't feel comfortable doing this alone. The victim was sixteen--" Tracy stopped again as she heard a loud sigh. " Even if I have to do the notification to the family, I'd like my partner there for at least that if both he's willing and you let him. That would be it. No real work," she added. When Reese didn't give her any answer or comment beyond the sigh, she prodded, "Captain?" "Fine. If he wants to--and yes, you need to do the notification. You might not like it, but it's--" "But Nick can tag along?" Reese sighed again. "Yeah, he can tag along. Just remind him his suspension is still in effect; he'd be there unofficially. He doesn't have his badge or weapon so he is not to get involved in anything, and he's not to come back to the precinct to do any work until his suspension is over. Moral support only." "Thanks, Captain." "And if you have any trouble with him, you--" Tracy didn't hear the rest--she hung up first with a wince, knowing she'd probably hear something about that later. She seriously doubted Nick would be any trouble. Assuming he'd even be waiting back by Natalie's car. If he wasn't, her call had more or less been a waste of time. Resuming her path toward Natalie's car, at first Tracy had the impression that not only was the car empty, but so was the vicinity around it. She slowed and nearly turned around when Nick appeared from behind the coroner's van. He looked tired and a bit stern, but immensely better than the last time she had seen him three nights earlier. "You okay with working? Or sort of working... I don't want to push you into doing something you don't want to right yet..." "It's fine." "Do you know if you'll be staying once your suspension is over?" Tracy asked since they were alone. "I think so," Nick quietly replied, his attention drifting. Earlier in the afternoon he and Natalie had talked more about what each of them wanted. They would stay for at least a few more months or even a year...as long as Natalie did fine regarding her job. Tonight she had been having trouble; he hoped she'd do better with him there, but if he left with Tracy then Natalie would have to do the autopsy completely on her own. "Nick?" He snapped his attention back to Tracy, forced a smile, and moved forward, slowing as he reached her and waited for her to turn back toward the alley. "So what is it?" Tracy rolled her eyes slightly. "Don't you know? You probably know more than I do." She looked to Nick, who had an odd, perplexed-looking smile. "Haven't you been listening?" "Not really. All I've heard is who found the victim and her age." Nick tensed a little as they reached the others, half expecting to either hear some comment or be asked to see his badge for ID...but he was barely given a glance. "You've had cases involving kids before, haven't you?" Nick just nodded. "Those never get easier, do they?" "None of our work gets easier, not really, not past a certain point. If it does--" "I guess I mean it--reacting to it--doesn't get any easier when the victim is young, a minor." Nick silently shook his head. He had another suspicion about this case from watching Natalie...if he was right, this case would soon feel even worse for Tracy. They found Natalie waiting for them, her back to the body. "That didn't take long," Natalie said, her voice slightly uneven. "Nick needs filled in," Tracy started, then nodded to the crumpled body of the teen girl. "I take it you found an ID?" Natalie nodded. "A school ID and a driver's license. She only got the latter a couple weeks ago by the looks of it. And you two might want to ask the two who found her where they were before they found her." "She was assaulted," Nick stated. "Yeah--sexually." Natalie paused as Tracy visibly paled. "And guess what the two were in the alley for? My guess is she was either tricked or changed her mind, but either way I suspect they're all from the same school...which is just a few blocks east of here." Nick had walked over to the teen's body as Natalie spoke. His attention first zoned in on the very, very fresh blood that had oozed onto the pavement; the source seemed to be a head wound on the back of her head. There were also bruises and scrapes on her bare forearms and calves. "How did she die?" "Offhand I would guess very slowly of blood loss." "From the head wound?" Nick asked. "Unless there is another wound beneath her--I haven't managed to check yet--then yes." "And she hadn't been dead long when she had been found?" "Very possibly only a few minutes. As of right now she hasn't even been dead an hour." Tracy inched closer. "How slowly?" "From the size of the wound it probably took her a couple of hours to die. I might have a better guess after I've done the autopsy." Natalie pulled off a piece of paper she had on her clipboard and gave it to Tracy. "Name and address from the driver's license, and the name of the school." Turning back to look at Natalie, Nick began to wonder if he should stay with her. "Nat?" "I am fine," Natalie answered through gritted teeth. She closed her eyes when Nick moved closer, lightly holding her in place by her arms. "I'll be fine, Nick," she said in a whisper. "I'll be fine once I'm away from that pool of blood." "I can stay until--" "No, Nick. You and Tracy go find who did this. She's got skin under her nails and her rapist didn't use a condom...so when you find him..." "You'll be able to match his DNA." "Yep." Natalie forced a smile. "I will be perfectly fine, and if need be I'm sure I can call either you or Tracy." Nick smiled in return, then gave Natalie a lingering kiss on her temple. "I'll be by as soon as I can," he said then turned to Tracy, at which he led them over to the teens who had found the girl...and a couple of the teens' parents. He didn't particularly look forward to this, but he could tell Tracy felt even worse as she hung uncomfortably back. "Tracy, you're going to have to do introductions." She froze for a second, then remembered Nick was badge-less...he wasn't there in an official capacity. She had to do most if not all of the talking if possible. It helped that Nick was there; it looked like the parents very much wanted to take their kids home...and ground them, permanently. Broken Lies - (38/42) Nearly two hours later Tracy was driving Nick back to the morgue before she went in to the precinct. She had nearly suggested to him that she could drop him off somewhere, but after notifying the girl's parents and asking them a few questions, Nick had just suggested they go by the morgue...that Natalie might have something new. Problem was that the ride was long and Nick seemed distracted again. He had been great all night, like the Nick she had first met before everything rolled downhill. He just stared out the window away from her. He didn't even look around. Had he lied to her earlier when he had told her 'he thought so' regarding coming back to work? Was he perhaps just going to come back to properly quit? Wanting to know, Tracy broke their silence. "What you said earlier... You sounded unsure about whether you would be staying or not." Nick broke his gaze away from the window to look at Tracy. "I'm not entirely sure I will or for how long." "Why? Have you just not decided, or--" "It-- If I don't stay long it will be out of necessity." Tracy just continued to stare ahead at the vague answer. Stopping to sit at a light, she asked, "How is Natalie doing with her job? Is that why you don't know?" "She's doing fine," Nick rather hastily replied. "But, yes, if Nat decides to quit then I will as well." "And you'll tell me if you decide to do that? I mean I won't come in one night and be pulled into the office to be told my partner resigned..." "I'll tell you if...whenever that gets decided." Tracy tensed a bit between Nick's answer and that traffic had started moving again. "If you do stay, how long do you think that'll be?" Nick shook his head slightly, but answered, "A few months? A year? Definitely less than two years... I've already stayed here longer than anywhere else for...centuries, if ever. I should have already left. Nicholas Knight is supposed to age...Nicolas de Brabant doesn't." "Is that your name, your real name?" Tracy asked, but Nick only nodded in answer. His mood seemed to have perhaps dropped again; he didn't want to talk about that. She supposed the tidbit of new information was enough on that. Tracy turned the topic back to her line of questioning, asking, "So....where will you go? Or, well, what will you do?" Nick smiled at that. What would he do? Or they do... Natalie had made some interesting suggestions that afternoon, but they had decided to leave that for once they knew they were leaving. "I don't know on either count. What I do might depend on--" "Natalie." "--Nat, yeah. It might depend on how closely we want to work, or--I'll have her choose, probably." Tracy slowed the car ever so slightly; she wanted to take advantage of Nick's talkativeness. "She knows you really well, doesn't she? Natalie." Nick again nodded. "She's good at reading people, knowing how to get one to talk... I don't know if she realises that. And she can also be rather persistent." "Persistent...so what she said--" "Was true. I waited months after we met before I finally joined the department as I had planned. I didn't even tell her until we ran into each other on the job." "When did you know?" "Know what?" Tracy took her eyes off the road to find Nick looking genuinely confused. At least he didn't look offended or depressed. "You and Natalie," she clarified, but he still looked a bit lost. "When did you know you two were...I don't know, more than just friends? Or more than just normal friends, but best friends...soul-mates of a sort?" Nick returned his gaze out the window. He had long known their friendship was special...different. It was the main reason he couldn't manage to leave either at first or more recently. He knew he might not ever have a friendship like it again...even if he lived another eight hundred years. "Nick?" "I don't really know." "But it was before the past few weeks, or, er, months?" "Yeah, I think...possibly a year or two or more ago," he vaguely told her. He knew exactly when they had first really told one another...but since he didn't know if Natalie remembered that, he couldn't tell Tracy. Whether or not Natalie had remembered, their friendship had strengthened even more rather than weakened. That alone said how special their friendship was. Even after the previous night and day their relationship seemed roughly the same as always, just with a bit more to it. "Nick?" Tracy asked when Nick didn't seem to have heard her next question. "I asked was that just when you knew, or both of you?" "It's when we knew not to cross any lines, I think." "You think?" "It--how we feel--hasn't been something we've really talked about until recently. We've ignored it, avoided it." "Because there wasn't much to talk about." "Because we both knew what would happen. Mortals and vampires--" "Don't mix well. Yeah, I've gathered that." When Nick seemed to have zoned out, she thought aloud, "I don't know if I could do what Natalie did, but then I've never had that long or close of a relationship with someone. And, well, the thought of drinking blood... But the closest I've come to a relationship like yours and Natalie's is Vachon, and I don't know if that's real or because of what he is. I'm not even sure how I feel because...well, can't do anything about it," she said, pausing before again questioning her partner, "Did you feel like that? Or have you before? Or is it a woman's thing to be confused like that..." "Good friendships...true, lasting relationships aren't always rational. You have to trust each other, but you don't necessarily have to understand it." "Is that how it is with Natalie?" Nick nodded vaguely. "Something." Tracy kept her eyes on the road. They were almost to the coroner's building. While Natalie was now a vampire, she and Nick had had some relationship that was more than just friends when she had still been mortal, and Tracy couldn't help but want to continue prying for information. "Er, I have another--if it's too personal...I don't expect an answer, really--I was wondering if you and Natalie, er, were ever, er, together," she awkwardly finished. When Nick just stared out the window, she said it a bit more bluntly, "If you were lovers and not just...affectionate." Nick hadn't needed the clarification. Tracy wanted to know if they had had sex, if he and Natalie had done anything more than kiss before Natalie had been brought across. "No, we hadn't been together. No more than anything you saw," he lied. "A vampire and a mortal can't be together without the vampire either killing his or her lover or bringing them over. Even being close, being tempted...Natalie should be dead. As it was I nearly killed her." Tracy just listened. She had suspected, seen that Natalie had been bitten, and while she wondered if perhaps Nick was exaggerating...somehow she knew he wasn't. It was probably why...what prompted him to attempt suicide...it had been kill himself or kill Natalie. "Don't get involved with Vachon." Tracy snapped out of her thoughts at that. "Don't get involved unless you are prepared to die or--" "Or become like you." "And give up many things. The shining sun, your family or starting your own, friendships...your humanity." While the first things Nick mentioned made sense, the last didn't. "Humanity isn't something pretty and good, Nick. And it's not something someone can lose." "Then morality." Tracy tensed at her partner's abruptly harsh tone. "But you can't lose that, either. Vampires are still human, and they can be humane and have morals if they choose. We plain humans have to choose to be good, be moral and humane, too. If vampires were truly immoral, you'd enslave us mortals for our blood." Pausing, Tracy sighed. "And I already decided not to. Vachon's just...he's more than an informant, but not quite a friend. Or was." "Don't be too upset that he lied to you. He was trying to protect you...and as long as we don't kill you, vampires can make for loyal friends." "Vampires in general, or just some?" Tracy asked. "I can't see LaCroix making friends with anyone." "Many. Maybe most. Even those like LaCroix have to make long-term business deals with mortals. And Vachon is not like LaCroix." "He's not like you, either. With Vachon I...I can tell he's...evil, not good, something... LaCroix seemed worse. But I don't feel that around you at all." Nick turned curiously toward Tracy. "You feel--" "Well, I don't know if it's a real difference or just something to do with your mannerisms. I can't tell if someone is a vampire or anything. Or I don't think I can...not you, at least." Nick relaxed, nodding faintly. She was probably just noticing their behaviour. He had spent so much time working with mortals he sometimes barely registered as even slightly abnormal. Then, as they drove by the coroner's building, slowing as Tracy pulled the car up to the curb, Nick shifted and sat more fully upright. He looked forward to being rid of Tracy's questioning for now, and opened his door the moment they had stopped. Tracy got out as well, and noticed he had turned away to where he once again wasn't looking at anything. "I'm sorry about the prying questions..." "They were fine," Nick said as he glanced at Tracy. Honestly some made him uncomfortable, and hopefully Tracy wouldn't start asking Natalie questions once they entered. This time Nick didn't wait for Tracy and led the way inside and toward Natalie's office and work area. As Nick pushed the door open, Natalie smiled. Without turning she told them, "Just finishing up you two." Tracy froze as she reached the doors, wondering how Natalie knew who had entered without looking. Then she thought about what she and Nick just talked about...Natalie had probably sensed, heard, or whatever, a vampire and a mortal approaching. Which probably assuredly meant herself and Nick. She had the feeling there were no other vampires in the police department--or with forensics, for that matter. Tracy hung back until Natalie had finished her task and pulled the sheet up closer to the young girl's neck; Nick had started off toward Natalie's desk. "Did you find anything new?" "More physical evidence. A couple of fibres and multiple hairs--two light blonde head hairs, two dark brown head hairs...which may or may not belong to the victim, and a dark brown pubic hair. She may or may not have had more than one attacker." Natalie had taken her gloves off as she walked to the counter where several small jars with the aforementioned items in them. "You two find anything?" she asked, turning to Tracy. "Just that her parents and younger sister had been worried. And she was a good daughter, always where she said she'd be, not a lot of friends, focused on school, never had any boyfriends--or well, relationships--parents said there's a boy, Aaron, in her social group from school... I'm gonna ask around there in the morning." Tracy fidgeted a little before continuing, "The family seemed positive she'd never...was this her first time, and was it rape? Do you know?" Natalie pursed her lips. "Pretty sure that's a yes and a yes." "Do you have any idea when she got the head wound, or if she was conscious when...?" "I can't say for sure, but given the amount of skin under her nails and other bruises, I'd say she got the wound closer to the end, or at least well into the attack. And the wound probably knocked her unconscious." "So she didn't lay there awake as she bled out?" Natalie nodded. "Not much comfort." "It's something." Tracy fidgeted then muttered, "I'm going back to the 96th, see what I can learn before heading over to the school in a few hours." She nearly left, then turned her attention to Nick, who sat quietly at Natalie's desk. "Nick, I guess I'll call your place later. I know you can't really help officially, but I can always update Natalie through you or something..." Natalie watched the other woman leave, her eyes lingering on the doors for a moment before her attention shifted to Nick. "How did it go with the girl's parents?" "About as can be expected. They're coming here in the morning to make an official ID." "But you're sure it's--" Nodding, Nick told her, "Yeah, Nat, we're sure." Natalie turned to face the counter and she shut her eyes. She felt a wave of anger, but she knew it would pass. The others had. "How did it go after we left?" "Fine once I got back here." Then she shook her head. "Well, not fine, but...I just don't understand it. She was just a kid, and I have a feeling her attacker or attackers aren't adults, or if they are they're not much older than she is." Natalie felt Nick wrap his arms around her from behind, but it didn't, couldn't calm her thoughts. "One dead and at least one going to jail...possibly more. That's at least two families broken apart in one way or another... And the death itself was probably an accident. How many other girls--" "Shh..." Nick cooed, resting his head next to Natalie's, turning so that his lips nearly touched her neck. "Tracy is going to check to see if any other rapes have been reported. She also has Haley's journal; there might be some clue in there." Natalie felt a little better at Nick's words, but with how he was holding her she flashed back a few days ago to when Nick had come in to give her his alarm code...and then Nick laying on the cold floor with a head wound and pool of blood. She could almost smell that scene after tonight. "Can you please let go of me," she whispered, prying gently at Nick's crossed wrists. Nick did so, but instead of backing away in case he had done something wrong, he turned her around. "Nat? Is something wrong?" "No, not really," she said, trying to pass it off, but that just made her feel worse. "That just made me recall a few days ago...when you had done that." Nick had to fight the urge to pull away. He had hurt her more than she was letting on. He pulled her against him, again burying his face in her hair. "I'm sorry, Natalie." She felt a little uncomfortable at first, but she could now relax and she embraced him back. "You don't need to apologise. I'm just on edge. This case is making me think about--" "Finding me." "And it's not just that, Nick," she stated. What had happened to the victim also made her think about what LaCroix had nearly done to her. She hadn't told Nick about that yet. "And then I made you remember about...misdirecting you." "It's more than that, Nick..." Pulling back, she kept hold of his arms, keeping some distance between them. Whether Nick could handle it or not, she suspected she'd tell him at some point...or LaCroix would, or Nick would see it in her blood in a few more hours. "Will you swear to me you won't go...ballistic or something no matter what I tell you?" Nick stiffened and moved back only for Natalie's grip on his arms to keep him locked in place. "Why would I--" "Please, Nick." "I won't." "It has to do with when I was brought over..." "What about..." Nick trailed off, his gaze darkening. "He did something to hurt you." "No. No, he didn't," she reassured him, then admitted, "But he was going to. He wanted to restore your hatred of him--he thought it would somehow fix things--and he was going to rape me to do it. I'm sure of it." Natalie felt Nick make another attempt to pull away; this time he was furious. "No, Nick. Don't. He didn't hurt me, just scared me a bit and made me worry what you'd do...and I think that's why he didn't. You'd kill him, wouldn't you? If he--" "Yes, I'd kill him. Or I'd at the very least try." "If he had. And he didn't. He said-- No, Nick," Natalie held Nick in place, but his new attempt to leave forced her to use all of her untested strength to keep hold of him. "I didn't tell you so you could get angry at him. He said when you're upset about something in particular you don't dwell on how unhappy you are with being a vampire, and that's why he-- He'd rather you hate him than watch you...sit and wait for death." She felt Nick stop pulling away. "I don't want you two arguing about something that didn't even happen. It's fine. This case just made me really think about that, and I thought I should tell you what he had nearly done before he said something or you found out some other way." Nick had averted his gaze and she took a chance and let go of one of his arms so that she could turn his face fully toward her. "You won't go and argue with him? Or at least not about this?" Nick felt torn. He wanted to do as asked, but what Natalie said bothered him...not because of what had nearly happened, but because it was a reminder that Natalie was his, Natalie was LaCroix', and he had no idea how attached or attracted LaCroix might be to Natalie. "Nick? Please?" "I won't if that's what you want." "I don't want you to only do what I want. You don't have to argue with him. Don't let him get to you." Nick pulled away from Natalie, took a couple of steps away, and spun again. "I won't. But if he does something..." Natalie just nodded at the semi-threat. If LaCroix actually hurt her...she didn't care what Nick did to him. "Have you decided what you want to do? Regarding work, and--Tracy had been asking a lot of questions. And I lied to her again." "I thought we had decided to stay if I did okay at a--well, a bloody crime scene--and tonight went good enough, I suppose? Unless you changed your mind on that? I'd be okay if we--" She cut off seeing Nick shake his head. "What did you lie about?" "Us. She asked if we had been together, been intimate before...when you were mortal. I told her no." "Well, that's probably for the best...don't want her to get ideas." "Or give her false hope." Nick shifted where he stood, not sure if he wanted to go back the couple steps to Natalie, to leave, or to go sit at her desk. "So we're staying." Natalie nodded. "I think so, yeah." "Should I ask where you're going to stay? Or we, I guess." "Hasn't all my staying over at your place answered that?" Nick smiled a little at Natalie's answer. "Do you want or need me to stay here, or..." "I'll be fine. I need to get used to being here on my own." "I'll get some of your things for you and take care of Sydney." Natalie returned a smile as Nick backed toward the doors. "Just be careful. He has not been happy." She watched Nick nod and leave. Horribly she was glad Nick would deal with her cat...it was depressing that one of the few living beings she spent time with just hated her so thoroughly...or, more accurately, was deathly afraid of her. Although if she was going to stay at Nick's permanently she should change her address and phone number for work... She wondered how long it'd take before someone realised she was living with Nick... And then they'd have to figure out what to do with Sydney. Her niece was allergic, and she didn't know her neighbours quite well enough...the one that checked on him when she was out of town she already knew wouldn't want Sydney permanently. She would have to ask Tracy, she supposed. She hated the idea of rehoming Sydney, but he hated Nick and now hated her even more, forget that she had a pretty good idea from Nick what LaCroix thought of pets. Turning toward the autopsy table, Natalie's mood dropped. Haley Weaver lay pale and lifeless...and if she knew who had done this she'd... Natalie shut her eyes and shook the thought away. No, she couldn't, wouldn't take revenge. Those who had raped and killed her would be caught and the law would punish them enough...and frankly even just scaring them sounded fun, and while she knew Nick had done that unintentionally a couple of times, even that was out. Too dangerous. Evidence. She needed to do this properly. Glancing at the clock, Natalie found it barely past midnight and she turned her focus to work. She had tests to run and a report to write up. Broken Lies - (39/42) Arriving at Nick's, Natalie was initially distracted by several bottles sitting on the kitchen table. Nothing else seemed different. She walked over to them, all four quite full, and picked up the closest one. Even corked she could smell the faint scent of the blood within the bottles. Putting it down, Natalie looked up to find Nick suddenly standing on the other side of the table. How long had she been looking at the bottle? "They were here when I came back here," Nick said, his eyes glued to the green glass containers. "Not sure if it's his idea of a...gift or he just wants to make sure I don't starve myself." "I'll put them somewhere," Natalie said as she grabbed two of the bottles and started around the table to the refrigerator. "I take it you hadn't had any?" "I didn't dare touch them. They're rather fresh...and at least one was sampled by the looks of it." "So that's why I can smell it," Natalie commented to herself, again looking at one. "Are you going to keep drinking--" "No. I'm not drinking any of what LaCroix brought. When I saw it I called and arranged to have a barrel delivered. I thought of calling to tell you, but--" "It's fine, Nick," Natalie brushed off the beginnings of what sounded like an apology as she pulled open the fridge door and cringed back. Cat food. Sydney's dish sat on a shelf, untouched. Nick winced as Natalie stopped what she had been doing. "He wouldn't touch it." Natalie put the bottles on a shelf and went back to the table for the other two. "Why is it in your fridge, then?" she asked with a slight glare as she put the other bottles on the shelf and shut the stinky cat food inside. "Why did you bring it here when he didn't eat it? I usually just leave it out. He'll always eat it when he realises that's all he's going to get." Looking fully at Nick, she noticed he seemed caught, like he wanted to say something. "Nick? What are you leaving out?" "I got more than some of your clothes..." "You brought more than...you brought--" "He's hiding under the bed." "Nick...he is going to break your things trying to get away from me. Or worse, he's going to tick LaCroix off and get his neck broken. I was kind of thinking of rehoming him. It'd be safer for him." "If he breaks my things then he breaks my things, and I think it will be fine. LaCroix isn't going to kill Sydney; he'll be perfectly safe here." "Did you bring all the cat stuff? Litter box, food--" "Carrier, litter, yeah." Natalie's momentary annoyance and worry faded quickly. At least she no longer had to figure out what to do with Sydney. Maybe. She still wished Nick would have said something, that they would have talked about it. "How did you get him here?" "The carrier." "Nick..." "Getting him in the carrier was easy...getting him out of it wasn't." "So how long has he been hiding, then?" "About half an hour? He ran after I put his food down." "Ah yes, probably worried you'd try to befriend him when he had other things on his mind...give him the opportunity to tear up your arms, only to then be hosed down in the sink." Seeing Nick's semi-puzzled, semi-incredulous smile, she told him, "As I said, my cat hates me." "He'll be fine, Nat. He got used to me." "After, what, almost six years? He's eleven; he very well might not live long enough to get used to me again." "Are you...upset I brought Sydney here?" "No, no I'm--" "Or that I'll be going back to cow's blood?" "I'm not upset with you, Nick. I'm just a bit surprised and I don't want you to push yourself too fast. You've been drinking human blood for months, either barely at all or--" "Or binging on it. But I mean...Nat, we haven't talked about what you'd do if or when I switched back." Natalie finally stepped away from the fridge and approached Nick slowly. They might not have talked about it, but she had thought about it. "Then I'll switch." "Most vampires can't stand animal blood." "And I know it's not quite your favourite, either. I'll get used to it." Nick managed a faint smile; he suspected she would. She had at least tried most of her concoctions herself. Unlike him, she probably wouldn't complain much if at all, and his smile vanished. Natalie had been doing wonderfully with her new nature, but so far LaCroix had seemingly left them alone. How long would that last? Or had LaCroix talked to Natalie, maybe laid out his plans for her? "Nick? Is something wrong?" "Has LaCroix talked to you since...since he left--" "Since I told him to leave?" Nick nodded. "Ah, sort of, but not really," Natalie admitted. "Sort of?" Natalie looked away, not sure how Nick would react. "That first day when you wanted to be alone...I was...it was too noisy at my apartment and I didn't fully trust myself given I didn't have anything...edible on hand..." Nick remembered her mentioning this before. "You went to the Raven." Natalie nodded. "I stayed there in the apartment." She paused before adding, "With LaCroix. I suppose you could say we talked, although it was mostly me...panicking, worrying. It was just that one day." "Did he--" "He didn't hurt me or--he was not like I expected." Once Nick digested Natalie's seemingly perplexed expression and reply, he tried again, asking, "Did he say anything about where you fit into his plans, or how much he planned on being involved?" "Ah, no. Like I said our conversation was mostly me falling apart. And telling him to not try to fix things." "No...proclamation of ownership? Reminding you that you're his, not mine?" "No, not really. Or not possessively like he is with you. Why?" "Because he does have--I don't know if he just did this for me or if he's attached, I guess. You are his child, his responsibility. He either uses his offspring for fun, to manipulate, or he becomes possessive. He could care less if the first live or die, but--" "He'll want to keep me alive," Natalie guessed, although some of what Nick said reminded her of something from their conversation...but her memories of that morning had been so muddled by emotion she really didn't know. Getting a nod, Natalie prodded, "Other than I guess you and Janette--" "He's never overly cared for any others that I am aware, unless we weren't his first...family of sorts. He had been a vampire for a good millennium before he found Janette, though, and he doesn't talk much about his past." "I could take the bottles back and try to find out?" Nick froze, stiffening. "No," he told her, shaking his head. "No, he'll make his intentions clear soon. I don't want you trying to make him leave me alone. It'll backfire." Natalie slowly nodded upon realising Nick was right. It was probably better not to push the other. Trying to think about something else, Natalie turned and glanced up to the bedroom. She could hear Sydney's quick heartrate. Did he know she was there? "Ah, Nick? My clothes--" "Are in the closet, the drawer you were using, and the one above it," he quickly listed off. "I...hope I brought the things you wanted." "I'm sure you did just fine." Natalie smiled at him. Nick seemed a bit uncertain when he said the last. "I'm going to take a shower. I keep smelling blood, and--" "It may or may not help," Nick told her. "May or may not..." Natalie repeated slowly. "Depends if it's real or connected to your thoughts. Either way it might not help if--" "If it's from LaCroix' idea of a gift." Nick nodded. Even though Natalie had moved the bottles, the scent of their contents still seemed to hang in the air. He watched Natalie head upstairs and soon after her cat came zooming out of the bedroom and made it halfway down the stairs before it stopped, eyes now on Nick. Remembering what Natalie had said, Nick went to the refrigerator and pulled out Sydney's dish. He then set it on the floor at the end of the counter. If nothing else, perhaps the cat food would drown out the other scents? *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Nick hadn't been allowed back to work until his suspension had officially ended, and then he had gotten a lecture from Reese when he got his badge and weapon back. The lecture had come complete with asking if he wanted to see the department psychologist...and a recommendation to consider a private one when he refused. Reese had then again asked if he'd like to talk about whatever was going on. At that, Nick had just said, "It's sorted," and then left after being told it better be. His and Tracy's case wasn't going as smoothly as either of them expected. The school--a private school--wasn't helping much with narrowing down possible suspects or earlier victims. Tracy had made a comment about that. Specifically that parents seemed to think their kids would get in less trouble but that reality seemed to be the opposite. They both hoped that eventually someone would say something, and when they did they'd have those that did this. Natalie had been dropping by the precinct more than usual. He didn't mind, although he had fun prodding her about cheating by using what she was; she had then reminded him he did it all the time. Sydney still wouldn't go near Natalie, although he no longer ran when Nick put his food down. Her cat had also so far not managed to break anything, and Nick felt like they were starting to settle into a new normal. Sort of. LaCroix also still hadn't butted in, and a good week had passed since Nick had returned to work. Natalie had finished off the human blood, and the last two nights they had both drank cow's blood. Natalie had nearly gagged on her first taste, but as Nick had expected she didn't complain and seemed to be getting rapidly used to it. Even with that, LaCroix hadn't come by, nor had his broadcasts been calling to him to meet the other. At times it felt like LaCroix was watching him, but if LaCroix was he was staying well out of sight. Nick couldn't tell for sure as he was usually with Natalie when he sensed it. Sitting at the loft, waiting for Natalie to arrive home from work, Nick started as something very warm rubbed up against his side. Warm and furry. Sydney. Nick smiled. Yes, things were settling. He hoped Sydney would warm back up to Natalie faster than it had taken Sydney to get used to him. So far Sydney only went to him for attention. Hopefully living in the same space would speed that along greatly. He only wished he knew LaCroix' plans...and how he'd react to Natalie drinking cow's blood. Even as he thought that, Nick glanced up at the skylight, thinking he might have sensed someone nearby. No one peered down on him and he didn't hear Natalie's car or the elevator. Nick tensed and Sydney bounded away from him, jumping to the coffee table and then the floor. Nick couldn't help but worry a little. LaCroix was taking his time...too much time. They hadn't even talked since LaCroix gave back the watch except that short conversation in the Raven. It wasn't like LaCroix to sit back and watch this long. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. LaCroix looked down on his two, love-bird children as they slept. He had the urge to pace, but he had done far too much of that lately. They looked so very mortal laying there, sleeping. Just that enraged him. The two were clothed, each wearing at least a t-shirt--his son's a plain grey, his daughter's one of those screen-printed monstrosities. So mortal, so common-looking. It sickened him. So did the cow's blood in the refrigerator. He had discovered that a couple of hours earlier as he planned to wait for his son to arrive home from that damnable job. Upon opening one of the bottles of bovine blood from the fridge, however, he had changed his mind and left. Yet, other than those stabs of betrayal he felt pleased. Both sported clear, not-yet-healed bite marks on their necks even now. And other times he had come to check on them he had found their bare skin glinting in the dim light...both asleep and more often in blissful, ravaging joy. He couldn't think when his son had last succumb so fully to his nature. Even with Janette his son had held back...not so with his precious Natalie. LaCroix spun and left the bedroom in a flash before his anger could explode and wake his sleeping children. Reaching the ground floor, he shut his eyes tight. Natalie was his when it came down to it. Watching his son let her do whatever she wished was infuriating. But his son was nearly back to normal and he was unsure how the younger man would respond if he took over. Opening his eyes, LaCroix found his newest child's pet cat walking cautiously toward him. This was another little kink he wasn't thrilled with, and he bared his fangs and hissed at the animal as it approached further. It scurried, and he smirked. He would kill the cat, but knew if he did he'd likely lose his children's trust. He knew they had sensed him, sensed something watching them at times. But they didn't feel threatened or annoyed enough to hunt down their observer. Not yet. There were other issues, however, than whether to treat Natalie the same as her brother. He didn't see any sign of them leaving, and it was past time for his son to move. He also had serious doubts when it came to his newest child's job...she could expose them all if she slipped in front of her co-workers. He knew his son hadn't yet taught her how to make the mortals forget, to bend their reality. She would have to learn at least that somehow...from someone...and soon. LaCroix could feel the sun beginning to rise, and he left. He needed to think. Broken Lies - (40/42) "What do you want?" Nick asked the following morning, finding LaCroix in his kitchen upon his return from work, the other's back to him. LaCroix slowly turned, a glass in his hand. "There are many things I *want*." "Why are you here?" Nick revised, watching as LaCroix took a drink from the glass and cringed. Nick almost smiled; LaCroix must not have brought another gift but instead poured some of the cow's blood from the refrigerator. "Why, LaCroix?" Discarding the nearly full glass on the counter, LaCroix answered, "You know why, Nicholas." "Natalie." "Among other...issues, but yes, I am here about Natalie." "Did you bring her across solely as a favour?" Nick paused to wait for a response, but LaCroix just stared at him. "Who is to take responsibility for her? Is she mine or yours?" LaCroix chuckled. "Mine, of course. She is my child, my daughter...she belongs to me." Nick stiffened at the other's possessive tone. At least he had an answer. "I will, however, allow you to teach her, train her." "Why?" LaCroix couldn't say his real reason: He believed it would make the other feel more in control. "Why, LaCroix?" "Simply that you spend more time with her. I see she has moved in...complete with her cat. The animal is hers, correct?" "Yes, he's Natalie's." "I do expect you to teach her well, however. And it must be done both properly and soon. By now she should have--" "I haven't wanted to interfere if you planned to be her...mentor." "I do hope I can still be a mentor...but in time. Teach her well, Nicholas. If you do not I will have to rectify any deficiencies." Nick's gaze followed LaCroix as he walked, lazily about the room, looking around at his home. Obviously LaCroix had more he wanted to discuss. "What else do you want?" LaCroix' smirk faltered a little. "What I want...you know what I want, Nicholas...what I have always wanted." He nearly turned away, then turned back. "Will you and Natalie be staying?" "Yes. For now." "I take it there is no chance in convincing you to leave?" "No. We decided to stay a little longer if she was doing fine with work. She has been." LaCroix bristled a little at the 'we', but asked, "How long is a little longer?" "A few months, a year or so. Less than two," Nick easily, calmly answered. All of this had been decided. Even when he and Natalie would work on moving her things out of her apartment had been decided. LaCroix' thoughts were clear on the matter even though the other didn't reply--distaste and annoyance. "And...how are you doing, Nicholas?" Nick's calmness broke at the odd question. "Why do you want to know?" "Because this was not your plan," LaCroix hissed. "And because like it or not we are family. And believe it or not I do care about your...well-being." Nick turned and walked several steps away from LaCroix and the reminder of his plan. If LaCroix had just done as asked... But he had counted on being found first by LaCroix, not Natalie...let alone Tracy. He had planned, hoped for Natalie to escape his curse. Turning back, Nick found LaCroix right there, waiting for his response. "I'm not going to try ending my life again soon, if that's what you're asking. But you should know that." LaCroix grinned. Yes, indeed he did. They both knew the other wouldn't be going anywhere without Natalie...but she would die to make her lover happy. That worried him a touch, but only a touch; he suspected Natalie would try to find an alternative, perhaps had already. "Again, Nicholas, how are you doing?" he once again asked. The other's thoughts had been too scattered of late to guess. "Beyond quite well with our Natalie..." Nick tensed as the other leaned toward him, a mad glint in his eyes. He liked neither LaCroix' words nor look. "Why did you take so long before coming here?" Nick asked, and he watched as LaCroix uncharacteristically shifted. "You've been watching me." Then, remembering LaCroix' comment, he said, "You've been watching us." LaCroix' smile returned. "Yes...intimately you could say..." Nick's anger suddenly snapped and he changed, grabbing LaCroix around and under his neck, only to be immediately pushed back. Then, hearing the gears for the elevator start up and head on its way down, Nick fought not against LaCroix, but his anger. "You'd be stronger if you didn't drink that wretched--" "Be glad it's blood and not some synthetic substitute," Nick spat back, the elevator pausing below. "I would prefer if your sister did not drink either." "Natalie will drink whatever she chooses." "Then make sure she is at least taught properly. If not...I'll have to see that she is. And I will, Nicholas. I will not risk my and your lives with her inexperience." Nick looked away from LaCroix as the elevator ground to a halt and the door pulled open. He didn't look at Natalie as she slowly started inside. "What do you want?" Natalie asked, her eyes solidly on LaCroix. LaCroix smiled at Natalie as she approached, and after a smirk to his son he started toward her. "Just sorting out a small...issue." He paused as he reached her. "Do be a good girl, now." Turning back to his son, he more firmly stated, "I may amend my conditions, Nicholas. Know that." Nick just glared at LaCroix as he walked over to the elevator, pulled the door open, and stepped in, all rather gracefully. Nick caught another sickening smirk as the door slid shut. Natalie had turned and seen as well, and as the elevator started down she spun back to look at Nick. "What was that about?" "You. Mostly." "M-me?" "He's allowing me to teach you, I suppose, but he made it quite clear that you are his." "And what else?" Nick hesitated, his gaze on Natalie as she slowly approached him. "He asked whether we were staying...I told him we were." He caught a nod from Natalie. "He strangely asked how I was doing." "And what did you tell him?" Natalie asked when Nick didn't elaborate. "I...I didn't quite answer. Not really. I appeased his worry." Nick fought his anger again, but it wasn't working well. He spun and his eyes quickly caught on LaCroix' abandoned glass. Nick went to it, took a quick whiff to make sure it was, indeed, cow's blood, and then he quickly downed the glass. It took two long swallows, and it didn't help as much as he hoped. Putting the glass back down on the counter, almost immediately he felt Natalie's hands on his back and one arm. Her touch melted away some of his anger, enough that he could tell her, "And then he made a comment about you, about us. And then another." "What kind of comments?" Natalie gently asked, moving to Nick's side. "After the first I realised he'd been watching me, watching us, and while he didn't quite explicitly state it... He's been watching us..." "Watching us...?" Natalie prodded, knowing there was more. "Watching us when we've been together." Natalie now understood Nick's mood; even she felt... If LaCroix had watched even from the skylight, he would have seen...everything. She and Nick had had sex more times out of the bedroom than in it. Even then she knew LaCroix could get in without being let in and could probably watch from the doorway. "I'm sorry, Nat." "For what?" "If he's watched us, then he's--" "Probably seen everything, I know." "And I'm sorry for that." "Nick..." Natalie shut her eyes, willing back her annoyance. "Nick, it's not your fault. It's his. He'd spy on us sometime, I'd bet. I got the impression that's nothing new, even just from what you'd said about when he brought you over. He's a voyeur. He lives through the lives of others." Nick was a bit stunned by Natalie's rather accurate take on LaCroix, and he turned to her, jaw hanging slightly loose. "Don't look at me like that, Nick." She watched as Nick lost some of his look of surprise, but he didn't reply. "What about what I heard? The issue I suppose was me." Nick nodded. "The 'good girl' comment is probably about me not making you worse, I suppose." "Something like that," Nick muttered. "What did he mean about amending his conditions?" "I am only allowed to teach you as long as he approves of it. If it is not done properly, to his liking, then he will take over." "And that would be bad because...?" Nick's thoughts raced. Why was Natalie asking? "Because he'll want to--he'll have you kill, and he'll do whatever he can to make you like being a vampire, anything to keep me this way." Nick paused, turning to face Natalie, who barely seemed fazed. "We all know you're my best chance to become mortal. But he knows if you like being a vampire you might not try as hard." "Nick...I'm pretty sure you don't have to worry about that, and so help me if he somehow makes me like revelling in the deaths of others...you stop me and remind me of our goal." "He knows I'll fail. I won't be able to teach you to his satisfaction. I won't teach you to kill, to start you down the path of taking lives." Natalie pursed her lips, an idea coming slowly, vaguely to her. "Maybe we can cheat, or--" "He won't tolerate--" "If he wants me to kill, I can always kill you, couldn't I?" Nick shook his head at first, but stopped. It was an idea... "I don't know." "Point is might be able to modify things to everyone's satisfaction." Nick shook his head again. "He would never..." "If he protests, we can always threaten to gang up on him. I mean if he wants me to kill *someone*...he might tolerate imperfection over the alternative." Nick merely shook his head some more, but knew Natalie was right. LaCroix would back down, at least a little, if he and Natalie joined forces. Janette, when pressured, would merely move to the sidelines and watch...or give in. LaCroix would probably have killed her if she ever really sided with him. But Natalie...she wouldn't back down, even if threatened. And LaCroix wouldn't dare kill her as long as he lived. Natalie meant too much to both of them... "Nick?" He felt her hand on his face, and he smiled, wrapping one of his own hands around hers. "Hopefully he realises that on his own and one of us doesn't have to tell him that outright." Natalie could see a sort of grimness behind Nick's words, and she nodded. No, it was probably not a good idea to tell LaCroix 'take it or die' essentially. Then, somewhat less seriously, Natalie asked, "So, what all do you need to teach me?" Nick's smile returned. "How to manipulate mortals' memories for one. It's a rather necessary skill...especially how much you work around blood," he said, adding the last as she began to protest. "You will eventually change in front of someone, either in this life or another." "I know." "I should have already shown you, but I knew if I did--I didn't want it to start an argument with LaCroix. He's not happy about that, but at least we've now talked about it." He paused, then his curiosity got the better of him and he asked, "Have you tried to influence anyone? Or perhaps done it unintentionally?" Natalie smiled at Nick's cautiousness. "No, I haven't tried, not on purpose. I may have done something to Sydney, but..." She paused, thinking, Nick always seemed to need to concentrate whenever she had seen him influence anyone. "I'd know, right? I mean it requires more thought than flying?" "It does and it doesn't." "And what else?" "That would be it as far as I'm concerned...I don't know if you could learn how to find me or not." "That would be handy." "You've already figured out flying." "Mostly," Natalie said; she still felt inadequate at that. "And what would LaCroix add?" Nick looked slightly away. "He'd make sure you knew all about the pleasurable side...and experienced it as well." He turned back to Natalie, then took her by the waist and pulled her to him while rolling so that his back pressed against the counter's edge. "I'm hoping he'll be content with...us." "That probably depends on whether we lock ourselves in the bedroom or not." Catching Nick's smile renewed, Natalie kissed him lightly on the lips, just for a second. Pulling back she could see a bit of mischievousness in Nick's eyes and smile. "Everything will be okay, right?" she carefully prodded. Then Natalie elaborated, "I mean me, you, us, now, the future..." "I think so," Nick answered. "I feel more...grounded than I have for a while...in weeks, months." "That's good." Natalie went to kiss Nick again, but stopped herself as something rubbed up against the back of her calves...Sydney. He looked up at her, then snaked in between her and Nick. "I take it you haven't fed him yet? I can't think of any reason why he'd try getting my attention except food..." "Maybe he's warming up to you?" Nick got back a rather sceptical look. "But, no, he hasn't been fed. LaCroix was waiting here when I came home...which wasn't long before you." Seeing that Natalie seemed a bit confused, he explained, "I stayed over a few. Tracy is going to pull a couple of teens out of school in a bit." "You got a lead?" Nick nodded. "Anonymous tip." "From?" Nick hesitated, but answered, "Probably another victim by her voice and what she said." "So the kids..." "Are suspects. Sixteen and seventeen." Natalie leaned up against Nick at that, wrapping her arms around him. "Do you think they raped other girls?" "Tracy and I both do." Trying not to either become angry at or sad for either the suspects or victims, Natalie closed her eyes and rest her head against Nick's shoulder. "Is it just this case, or--I'm not really sure how to feel. I've never felt this conflicted before." "It's this case. It's...not the case I would have chosen to come back to." Natalie pulled back at this so that she could look up at Nick. He seemed a bit nervous or vulnerable. She hadn't really thought about how Nick was handling either this case or coming back to work in general. He *seemed* fine, but... "You didn't have to, or not when you did, anyway." "Yes, I did. For you and for Tracy...especially Tracy. This case isn't a good first case to really take the lead on." Seeing Natalie's concern, Nick smiled. "And I'm doing fine, or as fine as can be expected." "And we're staying?" "That's what I told LaCroix; he'd prefer if we left, of course." "I know it's what you told him, but I mean... You haven't changed your mind on that?" "No, I definitely want to stay. At least a few months. Unless--" "I'm fine. I'm not the one who's ageing but not showing it. Or, well, I *am* now, but--" She cut off as Nick nodded and his smile vanished. He knew exactly what she meant. "No more discussing this again until we have to or one of us actually wants to really leave, okay?" Nick smiled a little at that; they had quite discussed this to death...quite literally. "So...what are we going to do this morning?" Natalie changed the subject with a grin. "How about...watching a movie?" Nick suggested. "A movie?" Nick could see slight disappointment on Natalie's features, but he kept grinning. "Yes, a movie. Something normal." "You'd call your movie collection normal?" "It's...close enough. It's not abnormal, is it?" Natalie momentarily wasn't sure what to say, but conceded, "No, it's not abnormal." Thinking more, Natalie quickly started to rather like the idea of watching a movie together. They hadn't done that as often as they used to, say, a year ago...around when things started to feel a bit more complicated. "And, yeah, go pick something out and get it started. I'll get drinks." Then, as an afterthought, she added, "And feed Sydney." Natalie didn't wait for a reply, merely went to a cupboard for a can of cat food which she quickly set out for Sydney. Then she went to the refrigerator and pulled out the one not quite full bottle of cow's blood. By then, she was pleased to find Nick had headed off to do as told, and Natalie took both the just emptied glass on the counter and a clean glass over to the couch. Only a few minutes passed before she and Nick both sat there on the couch, cuddled together, glasses still on the table where they had been set and filled. Each other's company and a movie would be plenty for now. Broken Lies - (41/42) Going in to work that night, Nick had felt much calmer. First he had gone with Natalie to her work and they had kind of been playing mind games with one of the janitors. Natalie had a hard time with the lessons, but Nick wasn't sure if it was just because she was trying to influence someone she worked around or something else. He knew she'd eventually get the hang of it--all vampires did. Hypnotising mortals was, literally, the easiest to learn of any of their extra skills, probably because it was so vital to their survival. Nick had reluctantly left her frustrated at the morgue ready to do an autopsy when it came time for his shift. As they had decided to stay he had to make more of an effort than he had the last few months. Work itself hadn't quite been calming. The two boys Tracy had talked to were still at the precinct, being held. They were terrified and, worse, horrified at what they had done...although one more than the other. Nick sensed a hint of pleasure in one of the two boys, as if it had been worth it. Tracy was still having a hard time with this case, but he felt satisfied that at the very least they had found who had raped and killed Haley and that the two boys seemed, for lack of a better description, relatively normal. He felt the two could learn from the rather severe mistakes they had made, assuming the system didn't destroy them. Nick knew it could. They would both meet others that had committed both lesser and greater crimes, but if they really understood the severity of what they had done they would probably come out better for their experience. They hadn't realised what had happened, literally, until they had been questioned. They hadn't known Haley had died, and they both then admitted to there being two other rapes. He actually felt sorry for one of the boys in particular...so did Tracy with how she had checked on him a couple of times. He was the younger of the two boys--the one who co-operated with them more readily--and his parents had walked out after screaming at their son that they wanted nothing to do with him. They had also seen bruises on him and Nick suspected that he had been physically coerced into participating. That, or the bruises were from his parents...or from both. The other boy had picked him for a partner because he was an outcast...a submissive boy who wanted to please others. He openly regretted his role and blamed himself, but Nick knew that if it hadn't been him his so-called friend would have found someone else. Natalie also didn't have a match on that boy's DNA, which matched with the story both forensics and the boy himself told: He had been more of an accessory and not the actual rapist. Watching Tracy ruffle back her hair, then frustratingly do it again to fix her bangs, he assured her, "They'll be fine." "He's barely sixteen, Nick, and while he's not innocent what he did wasn't his idea. I don't even think he wanted to do it and he has co-operated fully with us. He's a victim, too, and his parents--" "I'll make sure he has a proper lawyer if his parents don't. He'll be tried as a juvenile and he'll still have most of his life ahead of him once he's out if he even gets more than probation. He'll be fine. They'll both be fine. They're young enough they can learn from this if they want to." Tracy barely heard the bulk of what Nick said, her mind latching onto that first sentence. "What do you mean, you'll make sure he has a proper lawyer? You going to fix the trial or--" "Just make sure he has proper representation." "But by that you mean--" "I'll pay for a private lawyer," Nick clarified. Tracy wasn't sure if that was better or worse. "If it's tied back to you--" "It won't be unless you say something." "I won't, I just...if you're going to stay it'd be a bad idea--" "I won't be caught. I plan to stay and I know Reese will probably have a close eye on me for a while. No one beyond you and Natalie will know." Tracy's mood perked up a bit at Nick's mention of planning to stay. He hadn't said anything since she had asked and he had still seemed uncertain. "How long? And stay as in stay in Toronto or stay as in stay a detective?" "At least a few months, and the latter." "How many months is a few?" "Four to six. Maybe longer, but it depends." "On?" Nick hesitated before vaguely answering, "Any comments I get, probably." "Comments?" Tracy asked before it hit her and she whispered, "You mean on your age?" "Yeah." "And you will tell me before you, and I'd assume Natalie, just up and quit and vanish?" Again Nick stiffened a bit even though he fully understood why Tracy had asked this again. "Nick?" "Yeah, I'll tell you as long as I have the chance." "And if you don't you'll contact me after so I know what happened?" Nick nodded. "Good." Nick tried to go back to work, but now that they had started to talk he felt distracted. Other than that first night at the morgue they hadn't talked about what had happened beyond that he felt Tracy still worried about him. "Have you talked to Vachon?" Now it was Tracy's turn to try and work, ignoring the question. No, she hadn't talked to Vachon. "Tracy?" "I don't know if I will." Nick heard the anger in her voice; while who he was had been the lie, Vachon seemed to be getting most of the blame. "What I said about...those like me making loyal friends, it's true." "I'm not sure we were ever friends. I've always kind of treated him like an informant, and I might add that you've reminded me that informants--" "But you trusted him." "Trusted, past tense." Nick didn't particularly like how Tracy seemed to not want anything to do with Vachon. If she no longer trusted Vachon, did she really trust him? He had been the one to really break her trust and been the subject of it. Vachon had just been stuck in the middle in a way. Tracy should be able to trust Vachon again easier than himself. "What about me? Do you trust me?" "I trust you to back me up." "But you don't really trust me anymore," Nick guessed. "I just...I don't know what I think yet. I'm sorry, but--" "You have to get to know me all over again." "Yeah." "I'm sorry for that, Tracy." "I know. It's just going to take a little bit of time to really get used to." "Vachon only tried to protect you." "But I found out anyway and then--" "And it would have hurt you more to know the truth than what you had guessed." "I would have rather known the real truth the first time. I mean after I found out, not...I'm not that upset about not knowing from the start." Nick didn't say anything, his eyes dropping to his paperwork. He wanted to apologise, but he had already done that and he didn't think it's what Tracy really wanted or needed. The damage had been done and as Tracy said it would take time. "Nick?" He glanced up at her only to see more concern. "I'm really not that upset about, I guess, you and Vachon making it look like you were...normal. I understand why and to be honest I understand on the other, too, but I just don't get why you kept your past a secret the second time." She paused, but rather than answer her partner looked down at his desk again. "The only thing I can think of is that you had already planned to leave in some fashion. You had planned on just...vanishing for however long and I didn't really know. I knew you were being bothered by something, but--" "I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can say to fix what happened." "You knew you wouldn't be staying that much longer, didn't you? That's why you didn't want me to know." When Nick just kept quiet again, she asked, "What about Natalie?" "What about Natalie?" Nick asked back, his eyes narrowing a little. "I take it she didn't really know, either. Or I don't think she did by when I called her after finding your note." Nick didn't want to talk about this. He had lied to Natalie that morning--outright lied and hurt her so very much by making her think they'd talk--and while Natalie would probably never forgive what he did at least she understood why he had done it. Tracy, however... "Are you two doing all right? I mean your friendship or relationship--" "It's fine," Nick said, cutting Tracy off. "Cut the 'it's fine' or 'I'm fine' crap." "Even if it's the truth?" Tracy tensed. "Natalie and I are doing fine as I'm sure you've noticed." Tracy felt a flare of anger, although it was probably well-deserved. Nick had probably known all along that she had been watching him, observing him...and that she still was. And she supposed Nick was telling the truth when it came to him and Natalie. They seemed as close as they had been the last few weeks and Nick smiled more around her on top of it...it wasn't just his mood that improved around Natalie, but he relaxed and let his guard down. But her...if she asked the wrong question, like now, Nick erected an electrified fence around his real self. Hoping Nick wouldn't shut her out completely, Tracy asked, "I wanted to ask if you know what you're going to do? You and Nat?" "You mean once we leave?" Nick asked, remembering Tracy had been asking about that earlier...and made the guess that Natalie would go with him, which he hadn't confirmed. "Er..." "Job-wise we don't know." "Actually, I was kind of asking about now..." she carefully said, then admitted, "I know Natalie's changed her home phone number to yours. I called her office and--" "You want to know about our relationship." Tracy slowly nodded, pleased at least that Nick had relaxed a little. "Natalie's staying at my place...I suppose you could say permanently. We're going to take care of her apartment next week." "So you're more than just friends now? I mean you're more of a proper couple rather than just something in-between?" Nick hesitated a little. He hadn't even noticed the change in Natalie's work message and they hadn't formally discussed their relationship, but he supposed Tracy was right. "Yeah, we're more of a proper couple now," he admitted, hoping he was right. "Just...don't spread it around too much." "Everyone will find out with Natalie's message." "Then everyone will find out....eventually. Very few people know my home number...mainly just you, Natalie, and Reese." "But anyone that tries to call her will get your message," Tracy pointed out. Nick hadn't really thought about that, but they would. "Then I guess everyone will find out sooner rather than later." "And you're okay with that?" Nick almost smiled, but didn't give any more of an answer. He and Natalie had been talked about pretty much from the moment he had started with the department. First they had both started getting suggestions from their co-workers about the other, then everyone assumed... "I mean, you're a super private person...and I know I haven't been...with how I've been following you I've probably been more annoying than--" "Tracy, it's fine," Nick said, snapping out of his thoughts immediately. However much he hadn't liked her concern and her actions as a result, he understood it. "I'm sorry I made you worry about me." "I'm supposed to worry about you; you didn't do anything wrong. It was me that--" "Tracy..." She just sat there, frozen, trying to speak but not saying anything, until she realised she was doing it again. "I guess we're kind of even," she said. "But it doesn't change that you probably don't want people to know--" "It's fine if people find out about me and Nat. They've already assumed for months, years even. I'm more worried about Reese and the police commission. A homicide detective and the medical examiner together..." "You're not her supervisor and she isn't yours so I don't think it will be a problem. And you've been close friends for a while...I mean, it's not that much different now than a few months ago. Besides, I had the impression that the Captain thought you two already were a proper couple and he hasn't given you any warnings, has he?" Nick slowly shook his head at Tracy's question. No, Reese hadn't said much of anything...less than he should have, really. And his and Natalie's relationship really hadn't changed that much... Unless their relationship became more official--if they got engaged or married--or they did something questionable regarding their work they might not get any kind of talk. "And while my father and I aren't the closest, if he or the commission had a problem with you and Natalie I'm sure I would have heard something. You know how he is, he'd be pushing for me to tell on you or for me to transfer...something. He wouldn't want me implicated as being involved or trying to cover your relationship up or something. He's never even asked about you beyond what kind of a cop you are." "And?" "And what?" "What did you tell him?" "That you're a good one and that I'm glad you're who I ended up with as a partner. And it was and still is the truth." "Even with all the lies?" Tracy hesitated a second at that, but still answered, "Yes," looking right at her partner. Then she caught something in the background and looked down. "What?" "One of the kids is going home," she whispered. Nick turned and saw a teenaged boy with his parents. The parents looked worse off than the boy--he almost looked pleased, as if he had fully expected to be more or less let go...for now, anyway. Nick's earlier feeling that the young man had been somehow pleased had shown itself. The boy wouldn't do well in court if that smirk stayed there, even slightly. This was the boy that had actually raped Haley and the other girls, as well as the one that Nick wasn't as sure about. Nick didn't know if this young man would be capable of changing...or if he'd even want to. Turning back to look at Tracy, Nick found her looking down at her desk. This was bothering her more than she let on about. They had barely talked about the case, especially tonight. He only hoped she would maybe talk to Vachon about it...assuming she would talk to him at all. Broken Lies - (42/42) After their shift ended, rather than going home Nick followed Tracy. He flew up to the precinct's roof and watched the parking lot. Before they left he had asked if she planned to talk to Vachon after work, but she had stiffened and given a vague answer...maybe she would, maybe she wouldn't. While she had then left rather quickly, Nick had made it to the roof with plenty of time to spot her car before she had travelled much more than a block and it was clear to him where she was going: Vachon's. Nick followed, leaving his car behind, worrying whatever conversation the two had would be their last. While Vachon wasn't exactly a good role model or mentor for Tracy, Nick knew they had a friendship of a sort. He didn't know how to feel. Should he wish for that friendship to end, for Tracy to tell him she didn't trust him and for Vachon to move on? Or should he hope that they will mend this? The latter would hurt Tracy more in the end once Vachon did leave, but it would perhaps give him an idea whether Tracy would ever stop questioning whether he was telling the truth or not. And in truth he didn't think now was a good time for her friendship with Vachon to end, not that later would be better. He had a feeling that once he and Natalie left Toronto Vachon would leave soon after...he had already tried leaving at least once. Nick arrived first, but rather than land on the church grounds or head inside, he landed in the shadows across the street. He didn't want to tip Vachon off that they were being watched. As Tracy arrived, Nick watched her just sit in her car, the engine and lights still running. Maybe she wouldn't talk to Vachon that night... *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. While Tracy was contemplating just going home, after a few minutes she switched off her lights and then turned off the engine. It took another minute or so before she managed to actually get out, however. She had told Vachon days ago that she'd talk to him after she had talked to Nick...and she never had. She had been too upset with Vachon and then too tired from everything and then back to being upset again because of their case. Now she just felt nervous and she hesitated a few seconds before actually entering the church. The interior seemed gloomier than usual, only a few candles lit, but at least she spotted Vachon rather easily rather than have him sneak up on her. He didn't turn to look at her. "Vachon?" "So you finally talk to your partner?" Tracy stiffened; they both probably knew that wasn't the case. "I talked to him that night. I wanted to wait a few days...see if Nick was going to be staying or not and just let things settle a little." "And?" "And--" "Did what he tell you corroborate what I told you?" Tracy nodded. "Yeah, but you knew it would." "And so you didn't come tell me because you were upset." "I didn't know how to feel, Vachon. I still don't, not really, and then our latest case is just a little too...it's one where you feel sorry for the perp. Or kind of. I don't really know how I feel. Everyone involved is a minor, and one of the boys...I think he was taken advantage of. I wanted to wait because of the case, too. With Nick suspended I had to take the lead on this case, and I really didn't want to." "What happened?" "Reese let Nick tag along when I wasn't at the precinct, which--" "The case? What happened--" "A sixteen year old girl was raped and probably accidentally killed by two boys she went to school with. They thought she had just been knocked unconscious, and one of the boys, that was more of an accessory, his parents are pretty much disowning him whereas the other one, his family is all...it's just not right. Not that either of them should get off, but the one will definitely learn from this and I think he just got caught up in something he didn't want. I already get the impression he only had the one friend, but now he has no one. Nick thinks he'll be all right, and I kind of agree, but..." Tracy closed her eyes and paced a couple steps toward the exit and then back. "Nick's apparently going to try and get him a good lawyer, better than something the courts would appoint, if his parents don't. Or, well, not Nick, but...Nicolas de Brabant is, I think." Tracy watched as Vachon just stared blankly at her. "You knew what his name was all this time, didn't you?" "Not...all this time," Vachon carefully said. "At first I didn't know who he was, but once I knew he was LaCroix'..." "So Nick does have a reputation? I mean, you knew--" "I had heard things about him, yes." "And?" "Did you ask your partner about what he knew about me?" "No, Vachon, I didn't," Tracy answered, but to herself wondered if maybe she should sometime...even though Nick had encouraged her to talk to Vachon so he must not think Vachon was that bad. "I just...what do you know about him?" "He's...different than other vampires." Tracy just stared. She had already kind of gathered that. "How?" "He spends more time with mortals, involves his life with theirs; it's something we can't do without being hurt. He blends in more with mortals than most vampires; he's more like you. And he doesn't like what he is; Dr. Lambert has been trying to cure him, or that's the rumour. I wouldn't know what came first." "And what about him and LaCroix?" "That's...complicated," Vachon evaded. "Why?" "Because it is, Tracy. They're both each other's closest friend and worst enemy. Beyond that, I don't know a lot." "But you've heard things," Tracy said. "Right?" "Yeah, I've heard things," Vachon answered, but it didn't seem to make Tracy's mood any better. In fact, she just started glaring at him, waiting for an answer. "LaCroix has tried to kill your partner more than once from what I'm aware, and a few years ago the rumour was that your partner actually killed LaCroix during one of those attempts." "Nick killed...but he's still--" "He came back or tricked death somehow. LaCroix is the oldest vampire I've ever met and after what happened rumour is he's different, purer, something." Tracy just about snorted at the comment of LaCroix being purer, but held back. She understood what Vachon was saying: Being older maybe LaCroix was different and his vampirism wasn't as diluted, something. "But you said they're friends, too." "They're family, Tracy. LaCroix' blood binds Knight to him in a way no mortal could understand. Other than family or others of our kind everything around us whither and dies." "LaCroix is the one constant in his life," Tracy whispered, thinking aloud. "So of course they have to kind of remain friends on some level. That's what you're saying, right?" Vachon gave Tracy a short, slight nod. "But they're nothing alike." "They have shared experiences...eight centuries of shared experiences. Even I can't imagine what that would be like. I only knew Screed a couple of centuries, and while I knew the Inca longer..." "You were always running." "I never really got to know him. And our maker..." "You didn't really get to know her, either." "No." Tracy didn't know whether to feel better or worse. While maybe she couldn't really, truly understand, she understood more now than she had before. The strange tension between the two made more sense, as well as perhaps why Nick would have gone to LaCroix for help yet warned her away. Expecting she wouldn't get any further answers regarding Nick and LaCroix' relationship, she asked, "So are you still mad I didn't come by right away?" Vachon stared back for a couple of seconds, then shook his head. "No, I understand why you might not have wanted to. The first cover-up was understandable, but not the lies once you figured it out." "Even though you were all just trying to protect me, weren't you? I mean if I really knew...and now I do and--" "Knight won't let anything happen to you, Tracy. From what I'm aware he and LaCroix are closer than they've been for some time...LaCroix won't risk killing you, not directly or indirectly. Even LaCroix will probably try to keep the knowledge that you know and what you know from others." "So basically I just keep quiet and pretend the last almost year hasn't happened? Are you just going to vanish now that--" "Is that what you want?" "I want you to stay and be your friend, unless that's not what you want. I mean it sounds like you're not responsible for what I know any more. You don't have to stick around to help protect me or try to keep me from digging into something I shouldn't. I'm sure that was either a factor or the whole reason you stayed after I found out about you. And while yes, when I found out I was pissed about your involvement in this, I think we can work this out." "And what about you and Knight?" "What about it?" "You said it--we were the two people you thought you could trust and we--" "If you're asking if I implicitly trust either of you on everything right now...I don't. I've known for a long time that you don't really like talking about your past or telling me every detail about something you know...and I'm okay with that. It's nothing new and if I wasn't okay with it I wouldn't have even told you about my suspicions about Nick. "And your partner?" "I understand why he didn't want me to know. He's a private person...he doesn't like telling others every aspect of his life and I know I overstepped boundaries and made him uncomfortable by...well, by essentially stalking him. I'm honestly more worried that he'll have more trouble trusting me than me him. I trust him to back me up and I trust we won't have any other big secrets, but...I also know he lied about where he was going or wouldn't say simply because I was too overbearing and not respecting his privacy. If someone berated me like I did him and made me feel uncomfortable like that...I don't know if I'd ever talk to them again let alone trust them or be able to work with them." "Vampires are resilient, Tracy." "And like you pointed out, Nick's not like other vampires. He's more...human. He's not a walking zombie or psychopath or narcissist--" "Are you saying I'm--" "You're...well, you're not quite the stereotypical vampire either, assuming there is a stereotypical vampire, but Nick is completely... He cares a lot about his actions and how he affects his environment and he generally respects others even when he doesn't agree with them. He might get a bit upset, but it's more exasperation, like he doesn't understand but knows there's no point in trying to change the other person. A lot of humans don't get to that point where they can, I guess, agree to disagree. And I think I pushed that a lot with what I did and I just...like I said, if I were him I don't think I'd talk to me or want anything to do with me." "You ask him?" "He says it's fine but I think in some ways he puts up a façade around just about everyone...me, you, probably even LaCroix. Just as it was before I found out he didn't show the real Nick to others, but I really think I hurt him by watching him, even if he says he's fine with it and understands, even apologised for making me worry. I don't deserve the apology; I don't know if the damage I did can be repaired. Nick doesn't trust others easily and while, yes, he lied to me, I pried into his life without permission. I mean really pried. I overheard something about Nick and the previous owner of the Raven, pulled some old cases of his, and discovered he had definitely met the owner..." Vachon tensed, but kept quiet. "And you know all about that, too, don't you? About the previous owner, Janette Ducharme, that she's for lack of a better description Nick's sister? She's probably fairly old like Nick, too, isn't she? Vachon?" "A little older, I think," Vachon vaguely answered. "And you're smart enough to know not to dig. I haven't even told Nick about that because if I do I know it'll just hurt him even more. I'll lose whatever respect he still has for me and he really won't trust me anymore. I never should have even looked at those old cases of his or followed him or--" "Trace, he hasn't left and has apparently decided to stay, right? And he hasn't resigned or--" "No, he hasn't resigned, and yeah, like I said he's staying." "Then stop worrying about it. He must believe he can trust you and there's a chance to repair whatever damage has been done...if you want to try, try, but--" "I do, and not just with Nick and I guess Natalie, but...you didn't answer me, Vachon," Tracy said, wanting to get back on topic after being waylaid. "Are you going to leave, start over somewhere, or--" "I wasn't planning on it." "And I can keep dropping by to talk or whatever?" "And you won't blow me off like you did when I tried to talk to you?" "I won't blow you off like that again." "Then yeah." "Good," Tracy said, feeling a little less worried. "So we're good?" "Yeah, we're good." Tracy fidgeted a little. "Can I...stay here for a bit? No talking, just...I could use some company." Vachon just waved his hand toward a chaise. Walking forward, Tracy slowly sat down, still feeling a little nervous. Vachon didn't seem weird about what had happened. Nor had Nick, really, but that was just hard: She had never really gotten to know Nick properly, truly, and now he seemed different. Vachon didn't. And Vachon was right: Nick wasn't avoiding her or planning to vanish that she could tell. He was still her partner. Everything would be fine, even if she still felt she had probably done more harm than good to Nick. She lay down on her side and curled up a little, then tried to push everything from her mind beyond the faint flicker of candlelight. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Nick stood, eyes closed, listening long past when Tracy and Vachon had stopped talking. He had known Tracy had been stressed, but not why or how worried she had been--and still was--about both him and his reaction to this. He had almost left upon learning she had linked him to Janette or Janette to him, but she blamed herself for going too far in watching him. From their previous conversations and what Natalie had told him, Tracy probably still thought her actions had been part of what pushed him over the edge. He couldn't say for certain it hadn't been a factor, but it had mainly been his and Natalie's relationship and the very real possibility that he'd kill her--kill someone that he cared about, loved--that had finally done it. He had hurt Tracy and caused her more pain, possibly still was, than he had really realised. After Tracy had gone quiet, Nick didn't know why he didn't leave. Maybe he expected Tracy to start talking again, tell more about how she felt, or maybe he expected she would leave, but time ticked by as he waited, listening to the light wind and sporadic traffic. Eventually he picked something out--someone, a vampire, approached behind him--and he tensed for a moment before realising Natalie was his visitor. "How did you find me?" he asked as he opened his eyes and turned. "Ah, it was getting pretty late and you hadn't come home. And while I wish I could say I found you myself...I went by the Raven. LaCroix suggested you might be here." Nick looked away at the mention of LaCroix, his eyes drifting toward the church again. "So are you following Tracy now?" "Just this morning. I wanted to see if she'd talk to Vachon; she hadn't since finding out who I really am and she seemed uncertain about it. It's going to take time for her to really trust us again, all of us." "But she will, Nick. Especially if she knows you trust her. Maybe we should all do something together...even if it's just going to one of the department functions together. You've been lax on that lately, and--" "And it would be good for me," Nick finished, knowing that's what Natalie was going to say. Natalie hadn't gone to anything lately, either; neither of them had since Schanke had been killed. "Even though you don't think you can become mortal?" Nick's eyes met Natalie's, and he could see her worry. "I don't know if I can become mortal or not, Nat. But maybe you're right, you and Tracy and apparently even Vachon think I'm different, more...human in a way, even if I'm not mortal." "But that's not enough for you." "Maybe it's the closest I'll get." "Don't settle, Nick, if you still want more than just seeming more human. But don't expect everything to be instant or easy. Just like it's going to take time for Tracy to really trust you again, or how it took time for you to trust me, trust Schanke, now Tracy, and then anyone in the future...it's going to take time and hard work to find a cure." "And that should probably be put on hold for now." "Probably," Natalie reluctantly said. She had already more or less figured they'd wait between possibly not staying in Toronto too much longer and that LaCroix was probably watching their every move. Natalie also suspected that Nick just wasn't ready yet, either. Taking one of his hands, she pulled him gently away from the church. "Come on, let's go home where you can do something other than worry." "Like?" Nick asked, but he let her slowly lead him down the sidewalk, vaguely toward the loft. "Like trying to help Sydney get used to me, or teaching me how to find you without going to LaCroix to ask like I had to this morning." "I can't do the latter until we're both off, Nat." "Oh, no, no, you can at least tell me how it works and I know you can hide quite well even inside. Between the loft and the rest of the warehouse I think that'll be enough to get things started. I'd rather try to pick out your actual location in a large room before I try to do it in a city." "I wouldn't have us start with the whole city." "You'd try," Natalie countered and caught a sheepish smile. Yes, he'd probably have her try it at least once...and she'd certainly fail. He'd end up finding her rather than the other way around. "Whatever we do...let it be something other than talk about how worried you are things won't work out, especially with your partner." "I can't help it, Nat. I lied to her far more than necessary." "And she understands why. If not...you're not the only one that could request a new partner or resign so that you don't have to work with her. She'd probably have a new partner at a new precinct by now if she really didn't want to work with you or try to, and you damn well know that." Nick slowly shook his head, his steps coming to a stop and his hand slipping from Natalie's. "Maybe she could if she asked, but she wouldn't ask. She doesn't take the easy way out." "Nick..." He forced a smile, knowing Natalie wanted a change of topic, but he could hear that she thought he was right about Tracy. "All right, I'll try not to worry. And you're right, let's go home and do something other than talk about this." "Something that is in some way fun." Nick's smile became more genuine, and he nodded. "Something fun," he repeated then reached for Natalie's hand only for her to take off before he could catch it. His good mood dropped a little, knowing she had purposely not let him take her hand. She might be doing fairly well with adapting to being a vampire and with what she had learned so far--mainly flying--but it would take time before Natalie truly felt comfortable as a vampire. Deep down he hoped she'd never feel fully revel in her new nature, but he also know it wasn't something he could control. He wouldn't control her life like LaCroix tried to control his. Time. Everything took time...especially when it came to good things. Nick flew after Natalie, his thoughts shifting toward making a plan for a lesson of hide and seek. ~finis~ Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed the story! Chocolate and comments can be sent to: jarvinia@gmx.com Jarvinia http://gryffonslair.com @>--,---`---