ELUSIVE GAINS - Natalie Written August 2004 Posted November 2005 by Jarvinia This is a Pre-DK story that starts not long after Nick and Nat first meet. This story is also a bit of a departure for me in that it is all from Nat's 'view'. All I can say is that I don't want to know how long this would have been if I was writing from both Natalie *and* Nick's POV (and Schanke's and any others', for that matter....). :P I don't own much of any of the characters in this and no harm is meant. This story may not be archived without permission; however, if you'd like to, please do ask. :) I would like to thank amethystshells for beta-ing, both back while it was written (the whole thing, as it was written, little pieces at a time, not always in order), and also for checking a section over a year after the previous beta. All mistakes are completely my own, as I've attacked it many times since and probably added plenty mistakes back in. Feedback of all sorts (particularly dark chocolate...) gladly accepted at: jarvinia@gmx.com Enjoy! Note: I fixed some grammar errors in dialogue when I did Nick's POV in 2011/2013. ~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~ Elusive Gains - Natalie - (01/26) Natalie stared into the microscope, but her attention was split. It had been for weeks. This was boring compared to what she would much rather be looking at, much rather be doing. She wasn't even finding anything interesting that might help the detectives out. Nothing. The last several weeks had been rather interesting, almost too interesting. Why hadn't she taken her birthday off as her co-workers had suggested, as they had urged and encouraged? Why hadn't she gone out and actually done something fun for a change, even if it was just to order a pizza or get some ice cream? Something, anything. And then gone *home*. Then she wouldn't be in this situation. She wouldn't be worrying, wouldn't be nervous and anxious. But did she really wish she didn't go in to work that night, hadn't been there when he was brought in? Then she never would have seen him. He would have just vanished, without her ever having the hint at what she now knew. Just a missing body, if even that. She had barely considered what would have happened if she had not been at work that night, barely considered how different her thoughts would be. Not that she particularly minded, but however much she tried to distract herself, her thoughts kept straying back to her certain uninvited--but all too intriguing--guest. Someone had sat up, alive, on her table. And this someone had been dead. Very dead. Worse, according to him he was still dead. Or maybe undead would be better, considering his proclamation that he was, supposedly, a vampire? This final bit of information had so many implications she didn't want to think about them all. But that wasn't to say that she had not attempted it. If he was a real, bona fide vampire, what else existed that had been turned into myth? What else was out there that science hadn't even touched upon? And then there was a more immediate question. Did she believe him? Did she believe that he really was a vampire, or that vampires even existed? Could she? She didn't know what to believe anymore. And he had told her nothing to help her make a decision. She had, however, seen him changed, seen him nearly spotless after receiving fatal injuries and being declared dead, and seen him ingest human blood. Yet, she didn't know his name let alone how to contact him. The one thing she did know was roughly how old he was. He had referred to his 'eight hundred year-old body', which put his age at about that, give or take a quarter of a century or so, maybe even more depending on how much he was rounding off. When you passed five hundred, did you start rounding up once you hit five hundred and fifty? The thought that a human--or something very close to a human--could live for centuries was beyond amazing. And yet, for what she knew of vampires, or of myths about vampires, they were essentially immortal. But what did she really know about them? Really? What did the myths know? What did anyone know? Natalie pulled back from the microscope and turned to go back to her desk. And then she jumped when she found the subject of her pondering merely feet away, staring at her, almost as if he knew what she was thinking. How long had he been watching her? After a few seconds, Natalie quickly pushed away her feelings of surprise and greeted him, "Good evening." She focused on him, waiting for him to answer and watching his every reaction. Instead of replying in kind to her words, he started examining the room, smoothly gliding around the room, inspecting it. She followed his movements, stiffening when he eventually turned his solid and harsh gaze silently onto her. Doing her best to match his gaze, Natalie stated, "I'm a bit surprised to see you here." "Why?" Doing her best to ignore the hostility in his tone, she told him, "Because you don't like me knowing what you are. And because you seemed hesitant at the idea of me helping you. Frankly, I'm surprised you don't just vanish, leaving me to chalk everything up to dreams or hallucinations." A second later, she stepped back when he took a step closer to him, his facial expression turning quickly darker and even less friendly, despite the near smile he displayed. "That's all I am. A dream. A hallucination." Natalie stared at him. Part of her wanted to repeat what he said word for word without hesitation...but another part of her told her his assertion was nothing but a lie. Which made her ask just how much of this was a lie, anyway? "You won't remember me." "I won't...." "None of this happened. None of this is real." Natalie opened her mouth to speak again, but found she couldn't repeat what he said. This had happened, and was still happening. And it was very, very real. He was standing right in front of her. He had already tried hypnotising her that night when they had first met. She remembered it better than ever now, as he told her he didn't exist, as he told her he had never died and that vampires didn't exist. And it had nearly worked. She had nearly forgotten all about him. If he had only left things alone. If only he hadn't tested her a few nights later.... But he had and her memories of their first meeting had come back to her full strength. There was no way she would forget this anytime soon. "Forget, Doctor." "You've already tried this before, remember?" she coldly asked as she kept his attention fully and steadily on him. Natalie watched hints of anger flicker in his eyes. There was some surprise, perhaps because she once again resisted, but it was mostly anger. He remembered all this just as well as she did. Perhaps even better, as she sometimes wondered if her doubt was entirely her own or partially the remnants of his meddling...and she would not let him increase that doubt any more. "I am not going to forget any of this. You know that." "You should." "Is that what you want me to do? Forget? Pretend that none of this ever happened and that you're nothing more than a figment of my imagination?" "Yes, that would be best." Natalie pursed her lips. He was avoiding her question, and yet he kept dropping hints for her, teasing her. "Okay. If 'it would be best,' then why are you here? You already knew you couldn't make me forget. You could have just left. I'm sure that would have made things easier for you. But you knew I would like to help you, and that's why you're here, isn't it?" "How can you be sure that's why I'm here?" he snapped. Natalie stiffened. Was she sure? How could she be? She didn't even know him. Ignoring the question, she replied with, "I know that I'll do what I can to help you, if you'll let me and if that is what you're here for." "Do you know what, exactly, you're offering your help for?" "From what you've stated, you believe yourself to be evil, cursed. You want to do something about it, to change it." She watched him look away. But it was better than the quick replies he had previously given. "You seemed to like the idea that what you are is based in science, drawn by the possibility that you might possibly be cured through it, even if you won't admit it. You see me as a manner in which to explore that and, as I've told you, I am willing to help you." "It's not as simple as you think." "I never said it was simple, just that if you'll let me that I would try to help." "Really, Doctor; you see me as an interesting project, a challenge." Natalie didn't answer, found she could not with the near accusatory glare directed at her, daring her to lie and refute those words. How could she, when she had stated as much during their last encounter? "And I suppose you would like the full details of that challenge?" Natalie wasn't sure what to say to this. He was still baiting her...and details are what she was after. She didn't like playing along, but what choice did she have if she wanted to continue this? "Yes, I would." "I want to reverse it." Natalie just stared at him. His reply was so...calm, so definite. Was he serious? Did he mean what she thought he meant? If so.... "It's more than just wanting to be at peace, wanting to end my hunger or walk in the sunlight. More even than a simple cure of the symptoms. I want it completely gone. I want to destroy the vampire so that it will never return. What I want is to become mortal again." He was serious--one hundred percent serious. It was in his tone, in his expression, even his stance. This wasn't some whim, but something deeper. "Am I correct in that this is enough of a challenge for you?" "Yes," she quickly answered, not wanting him to retract the question. "Yes, it is. And I'll take it." "No. I won't take your answer tonight." Natalie nearly told him to stop trying to make up her mind for her...until she realised that he wasn't. It was a statement. Granted, a statement she didn't have any chance in altering, but he wasn't forcing her to pick one way or the other. He wasn't telling her she should forget about him and have nothing to do with him and what he was. Not yet, anyway. She watched him start to turn, at which she reached her hand out toward him, only for him to easily evade her. When he turned to glare at her expectedly, she asked, "How and when will you hear my response?" "I will return in a few days. You can answer then." He turned and started for the exit again. "Wait!" He stopped in the doorway, one hand holding the door open. Natalie hesitated ever so slightly, stunned that he hadn't just left anyway. "You haven't even told me your name." "No, I haven't." Natalie opened her mouth again, but he slid out of the door before she could protest. He wasn't going to tell her his name, not yet. All she knew about him was that he was a vampire who wanted to cease being a vampire. That in itself was hard to understand when she looked at the general facts. To her, being a vampire had a lot more pluses to it than minuses. But she wasn't a vampire, hadn't lived as a vampire...nor did she even know much about real, living vampires. What right did she have to decide what he should prefer? She didn't know him. She didn't even know his name. Elusive Gains - Natalie - (02/26) A week and a half later, Natalie abruptly jumped as she entered her lab. He was sitting at her desk, waiting. He had taken longer than he had said it would be before he came and long enough that she was wondering whether he might just vanish without a word. In fact, she was afraid he had already decided to do just that. "So, you decided to come back for an answer," she said, allowing some of her annoyance to slip into her tone. "Yes." "What took you so long?" He just stared at her. She seriously doubted he wanted to talk about anything other than what he was or, more specifically, why he was here. That she could deal with. If that's what he wanted to do, she would go along with it. "Fine. Don't answer." "Have you taken time to consider the full implications of your offer more thoroughly?" "You know what my answer is. It hasn't changed." "Are you sure you have considered this...very carefully?" Natalie set her jaw. Of course she had considered it carefully. She had been flipping this over in her mind since the very first time he had even touched on that he wasn't human, ever since he had shown a dislike for what he was. The last week and a half had only made her decision firmer and more certain. Why did he even have to ask? "Have you?" "Of course," she answered, matching his somewhat curt tone. "And you think you can make me mortal again?" "Yes." "Truly? I will know if you lie." Natalie hesitated. What did he mean by he would know if she lied? How would he know? And, really, would he know? She wouldn't put it past him to lie just in order for her to answer truthfully. In fact, he could have already lied about more than just this. She had only his word on anything. As far as she knew, he could be playing some kind of sick game with her that would end in her dead and drained of blood. She had considered that, but the temptation was too great. "Do you truly believe there's even a chance you could succeed?" "Yes." "Yes?" "I believe I can. It might take time, but I'll do everything I can to help you." "Time." "Yes. Something you have plenty of, I gather?" "That's one way to put it." Natalie watched him look away, and it was then that she noticed the papers on top of her desk had been shifted as though someone had rummaged through them. They were shuffled into a single, sloppy pile- -and there had been nothing resembling a pile on her desk for weeks. He had probably gone through her desk and who knows what else. "What were you looking for?" His eyes snapped up to her, gold in colour. If it hadn't been for her own anger, she would have stepped back. As it was, she marched up to the front of the desk so that only a few feet separated them. "You were looking through my things." "And?" "And this is my desk. You have no right to--" "I have every right." Natalie tensed, his tone clearly threatening. "Then give me your reason." She watched him lean back in her chair, only for him to sharply remind her of a CEO of some company by the way he seemed to own her desk. "Tell me what you were doing or get out." She watched as he stiffened at the words, but he didn't even shift in the chair, not even to sit up or lean forward. Natalie could barely believe what she had told him, but he was getting on her nerves for waiting so long to stop in again. At the same time, he hadn't yet left. In fact, she could see him thinking, considering his response. He was stalling. "You were...correct in that I suspected your answer," he finally spoke. "And?" "And I wanted to make sure you didn't have anything lying around that could cause trouble." Hearing that, she almost wished she had done something, anything. But she didn't even record in a tape of her thoughts. At the time, even though she wasn't sure if he was telling the truth, she knew that if he really was a vampire that it would be dangerous--for both of them-- if she had any incriminating evidence on hand. And that was probably what he had been looking for. He wanted to know that she wasn't careless. "I'm sure you have questions." Natalie's lips parted. Did he really just say what she thought he had? "Uh, yeah. Yeah, I do." Somewhat calmer, she started, "Perhaps we should start from the beginning. I'm--" "Dr. Natalie Lambert," he quickly said. "I know your name. I learned it soon after our first...meeting." "And you are?" "Nick." "Nick," she repeated, his name so utterly normal. It was also informal and generic. "Nick...what?" "Just Nick." "Is a last name too much to ask for?" "Yes." Pursing her lips, Natalie inwardly scoffed at his offer to answer her questions. What was the chance that she would get a semi-straight answer to anything? Right now, she was betting it was a low percentage, if anything. "How much do you know about vampires? Myths of us." Now she was the one being asked the questions. But this one she didn't mind. In a way, he was offering her a way to satisfy her curiosity just as well as any questions. "Well, they're generally nocturnal, burn or otherwise die from exposure to sunlight. And judging by that I've only seen you at night, that one's true, isn't it?" "Yes. And yes, it can kill me, or at least burn me." "Then there's the ever prominent stakes...." "A stake through the heart will kill just about anything, though, won't it?" "Well, yes...." Natalie thought quickly. It felt like Nick was trying to test her. "But would a knife through the heart kill you? You're essentially immortal, right?" "No, a knife through the heart would not kill me. Not permanently. And yes, essentially immortal. I do not age nor die through...typical means." "Decapitation, although that I suspect would kill just about anything." "Yes." "Which just proves you must need oxygen to survive, on some level." "But I don't need it." "I think you probably do." "Fine. Explain it, then." Caught slightly off-guard, Natalie paused before responding, "Well, oxygen is carried in the blood to the brain, and decapitation would likely cut that supply off indefinitely. Perhaps that is why it kills a vampire. You still need to have oxygen in your blood and in your brain however efficient your body processes it and however your body obtains it." She watched him nearly respond to that, halting at the second thing she said. She had caught him. "Whatever the case, it's something that kills more than just vampires." "It's unimportant." "It's very important, Nick. It's something I might be able to eventually use to help you." Nick stiffened. "What else have you heard about my kind?" "Garlic, mirrors, uh...holy water, crucifixes...." She racked her brain, knowing there were more. "Then, uh, something about running water, some kinds of roses, and turning into bats? And probably more, really, but I'm not sure what's real and what isn't." Nick nodded. "They are a mixture of truth and myth." "But which is which?" "The first have basis on us, the last three do not." "So, no garlic-laden pizza, huh?" she asked, hoping to lighten his mood a little. But he just glared at her, his gaze, if anything, turning darker. "Sorry, I just thought--" "If you are to help me, I ask that you remain professional." Natalie nodded. If she had to remain professional to do this, then she would. If only she could get that harsh gaze of his to soften, or at least not look so coldly at her.... It made her nervous. "Well then, I suppose you'd like to give me a blood sample so I can see--" "No." "What?" "No blood samples." How could he not let her take a blood sample? He wanted to work with her, she thought, because she was a doctor and scientist. But...what was going on? "I need a blood sample, Nick." "No, you don't." "How am I supposed to examine what you are without knowing more about your physiological make up?" "Because science alone can't explain what I am. You can work without a blood sample." He stood up, walking past Natalie, turning just before he reached the door. "When would you like me to return?" "Nick, I--" "When would you like me to return?" he repeated, and then paused for a second before continuing, "I think it unwise to continue this conversation tonight." Natalie swallowed. What choice did she have if she wished to continue this? "This Thursday, nine o'clock. It's my night off, so we'll have more time. Perhaps we could meet somewhere else?" "No. We will meet here." "Okay.... Does the time work, then?" Nick gave a single, stiff nod, and then quickly left. Natalie sighed. Why did he have to be so rigid, so horribly cold? And yet, things were going as well as she suspected they could. Nick was a vampire, and she really didn't know exactly what that did to someone. Maybe the coldness of his tone was inherent in what he was; maybe he couldn't help it. But his tone, his very words and reactions...they had to be deliberate. And he seemed to have total control. Too much control. In the end, despite the surprise meeting and bad ending, things had gone moderately well. At least she had a name--and a set date and time for a next meeting. Elusive Gains - Natalie - (03/26) That coming Thursday night, Natalie arrived at the morgue at nearly a quarter till nine in the hope of getting some things together before Nick arrived, only to find him already there, waiting for her. "What are you doing here, Nick, it's--" "You still insist that what I am can be defined only by science?" Natalie put her things down. "Well, yes. You are alive, Nick. And I haven't seen anything that I don't think could have some reasonable explanation." "Then you now know why I came early." Having no idea what he was trying to say, she asked, "Okay, why?" "To prove something." Natalie watched him glance toward the counter, her eyes in turn locking on a square, aged, metal-framed mirror sitting, leaning against the wall. Nick must have brought it. "And what is this supposed to prove?" She watched him walk over in front of it. And of course, she saw nothing as they weren't yet at the right angle to the mirror to see one another in it. And then he stepped a few steps further, then a few more, and a few more. Once he finally came to a stop far on the other side of the mirror, she realised she should have seen his reflection flit past in the glass by now. "Wait a minute...." She moved so that she now stood directly in front of the mirror. "Come and stand in front of me." When he did so, Natalie glanced past him to the mirror, her eyes widening. Nick didn't reflect in it, all she saw was herself looking around...nothing. "Please, Doctor, explain." "Uh, well...I can't, Nick. Not right this moment, anyway." She looked straight at him. "And you know I can't. That's what this is for, isn't it? To show that I'm wrong." "Vampires are not a product of science. I am not a product of science." "Then why are you going to allow me to help you if you still think science can't explain what you are?" "For the same reason you wish to help me. If I am not evil, as you say, there must be an explanation. While I have not yet seen science provide an explanation, that is not to say that I don't think it will never be able to." "And the mirror?" "To show that this is more complicated than you believe. You neither do nor can fully understand what I am, but I feel it necessary for you to know that there are things that even I can't explain. I cannot explain why I do not reflect, nor can I explain precisely why crosses affect my kind. It's just the way I am." Natalie again looked into the mirror. "But...I've seen you reflect," she said, turning back to him. "You reflect off glass, off all the metal surfaces in here. I'm sure of it." "But those are merely shadows of a reflection. Sometimes I reflect as normal as any mortal, but often I don't reflect at all." "I see that." She took one more glance at the mirror, at the empty space in front of her where he should have appeared, and then took several steps away. It was just...odd seeing nothing there. So very odd and plenty enough to make her feel uncomfortable. "Well, you've made your point, so I guess we should get on with other things." "Yes." "For one, I need to know more about you. I need to know things like temperature, pulse, respiratory rate and...." She watched him shrink back, clearly uncomfortable. "What?" "I think you know my answer." "What? Like the blood test?" "Yes." "Nick, I need something to start with." "And if you tell me what you want to know, I will tell you the answers you need." She was stunned. "Anything? Will you tell me anything?" "Anything that you need." Natalie didn't like the sound of that. He was going to limit her questions, and she had no idea just what he considered beyond need to know information. But she had to see how far she could push him and if Nick really did mean just what she truly needed. "Okay. For starters, I want to know how you became a vampire. Detailed." "Brought across; drained and then given the blood of a vampire." "And this blood is what changed you?" "Yes. And that is all you need to know. Your concern is with what I am, and reversing it." "And I could really use a sample of your blood...." "And you will not get one." "Okay, tell me what you will answer, then." "Make a list of questions you would like answers for. Leave them here when you leave. I will return it when I can." Natalie followed his movements to the door. She closed her eyes as he slipped through it, and then, after nearly a minute, she opened them and focused on the mirror. He had left it, probably to pick up later. She hated this. He wasn't working with her, he didn't seem to really, truly want her help. But she would write up some questions for him. Maybe he was just being cautious. Maybe if she played along how he wanted he would start to relax some. Maybe.... There were far too many maybes, that's what. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Nearly a month later, Natalie read through a photocopy of Nick's list of answers for what had to be at least the tenth time or more since he had returned her question sheet. Now, at nearly two months after she had initially met Nick, she still didn't know a whole lot about him. In fact, the bulk of what she knew wasn't even on the paper, but instead things gleaned from their conversations and his general behaviour. As she read through the list once again, she kept her focus on the questions she still hadn't managed to get answers for. The unanswered questions mostly consisted of what he categorised as being 'too personal'. And granted, some of them, like what kinds of interactions he has had with other vampires and mortals, and what occupations he had held could certainly be considered somewhat personal. But others it seemed he just didn't want to answer. He had, however, answered all of the questions pertaining to his reactions when he ate or drank mortal food, and all the questions involving his reactions to things like sunlight, garlic, and crosses. However, he had skipped questions asking directly about past attempts to become mortal. This bothered her more than anything else did. Why wouldn't he answer these, considering he had answered other questions that had very possibly crossed over in their subjects? And especially when knowing what didn't work would help her in trying to figure out what might? He had also left the question about the differences between being mortal and being a vampire blank, which meant one of two things--he had already told her everything, or he was keeping this information from her. It made her wonder just how much he was keeping from her and how much he would continue to keep from her if he wouldn't answer such a basic question. However, he had detailed out so much--mostly involving what appeared to be involved in those past attempts at becoming mortal that in themselves he wouldn't tell her about--that she didn't feel it was appropriate to admonish him for what he held back from her. Or it hadn't been when she had received the list. But that had been weeks ago, and at the present, frankly, it was no longer enough. Before she could get any further on this, she needed a sample of his blood or some other sample of his tissue. Granted, she had managed to get him to let her take his temperature, pulse, and just about any other reading she could test there in the morgue, but all that did was tell her what was different, tell her things she had already guessed or knew. It had also clearly illustrated that he didn't like coming into physical contact with her--in any form. If he had a choice, he would stay clear. But she still needed to know more. She knew that just because, say, someone had a fever it didn't pin down exactly why they had a fever. A blood sample could help her pin down more on what, exactly, made Nick what he was. But with the way things were going, she wasn't sure she should even ask again. It would make it the fourth occasion she had asked for a sample. But she needed it, and Nick had to see that. When the door opened ten minutes later, Natalie only looked to Nick for a moment to make sure it was him. "Did you actually try to cut back on your blood intake this week?" she asked. She had asked precisely this last week, and had gotten the same answer she was now. Silence. He was increasingly becoming more of a pain than anything else. "Okay, I get it. No. Fine. Then you can listen." Again, more silence. "I need a blood sample, Nick. It's not just a matter of wanting it. I need it, and you know it." "I've already--" "Yes, I know," she snapped, watching his eyes flash gold for a second. "You may not like it, but I need it." He continued to stare at her. "At least explain to me why you won't let me take one. And with a real reason, Nick." He looked away. "Is it because you don't trust me? Because you're afraid of what I could do with that sample? Because if it is, you *can* trust me with this. I want to help you, but I need more." He spun, facing fully away from Natalie. "Fine." "What?" "I said, fine. You can take your sample. But one sample and only one." Not wanting to hear him change his mind, Natalie started toward a drawer, only to find his hand stopping her from opening it. "Not tonight." Natalie took her free hand, pushing Nick's hand away, only to find he was retracting it even faster to avoid further contact. She took a step back, then watched as Nick's eyes fell on the sheet of paper containing his answers. She watched his hand start for it, and she lunged forward, trying to get to it first, but by then he had crumpled it up in his hand. "You should not keep something like this in plain sight." "It was out because I was looking at it just before you arrived." "That does not matter." "Fine. I have a copy of it, anyway," she told him. "I noticed. Therefore, you do not need this one. And I advise you to destroy the other one." "I also have a handwritten copy. One that doesn't have reference to what you are." She watched him slowly stuff the crumpled ball into his pocket. She could see Nick's opinion on that. Perhaps it would be best to do as he asked and destroy the original. She still had what she had copied into her notebook, and that was also the safest place for the information. "So, did you at least try drinking something other than blood this week?" "I tried." "What?" "As I said, I *tried.*" "Nick, just say what you're trying to tell me. What happened?" "I did not succeed. I seriously doubt you want a full description. Now, when would you like to take the blood sample?" "Well, I'd 'like' to take it now. However, since that's not an option, some time within the next week should work, preferably sooner rather than later." "Then I will see you next week, Doctor." She gave him a nod and stared back at her desk. Nick now knew she was keeping some kind of record of what they were doing. He hadn't liked that. She had seen it. But, she had gotten him to agree to give her a sample of his blood. Elusive Gains - Natalie - (04/26) At their next meeting, Nick had started to become downright uncooperative within just a few minutes. And then, not long after that, he had flat-out ceased responding to her, his eyes staring blankly away from her. This was getting to be like pulling teeth. Or worse, if that were possible. "Nick, I asked you a question." He slowly, calculatedly, faced her, but he made no move to speak nor did he gave any indication that he had even heard her. "You mentioned I could get the blood sample I wanted." She waited, but he didn't even move or shift the focus of his eyes. Why did he have to do this? Her pulse increased and his stone-hard eyes continued to stare coldly through her. She looked away and gathered a needle, two vials, and a tourniquet. "You promised I could, and you know I really need this," she stated, something she had told him more times than she could count. She turned and met his gaze again. "Please, Nick. It's simple and would tell me a lot. Besides, you said I could." As she worked, she watched him eye the needle in her hand, eye the vial as it was pushed into place, and then turn to the second vial as she left it on the counter and turned back to him. "I could take a tissue sample instead? Or a sperm sample?" Natalie watched him shoot a glare at her and squirm uncomfortably. And then, finally, he reluctantly undid his shirt cuff and pushed his sleeve up. She kept a smile to herself, not daring to show her pleasure in his reaction. She knew the prodding would get him to cooperate. He wanted whatever would be the least invasive, the least troublesome. She picked the tourniquet up off the counter, holding it out to him. He took it from her without a word; they both knew he still didn't like her touching his skin. As he put the band in place and reached out toward the needle, she pulled her hand back and told him, "I'd much prefer to take the sample myself." She watched him pull back instinctively, and then, as if he hadn't done the previous action, he held out his arm toward her. Gently, she guided his arm to the counter, telling him to sit on the stool. Once he was in place, she cautiously took the blood sample, his blood flowing so slowly she could see he was ready to bolt before she had gotten even half a vial. She could feel his eyes on her, watching her as she eventually switched vials, and then expertly removed the needle and automatically untied the tourniquet. "That wasn't so bad, now--" Her words came to an abrupt halt as he stood and turned away from her, pulling his shirt sleeve down and rebuttoning the cuff. "Nick?" "When would you like me to return, Doctor?" he asked, not turning around to face her. "It'll take me a couple of days to do the tests I want. How about three nights from now?" "That's fine." She watched him put his jacket back on, still not looking at her. "And Nick...? Please, I would really prefer if you started using my name." He turned, glaring at her with icy eyes. "Good night, *Doctor*." Her gaze followed him out. Once alone, she breathed deeply out. Despite the hesitation to cooperate, Nick was doing much better than their previous meetings; much better, but he still distanced himself far more than was necessary. He was also starting to make sure their conversations were as short as possible. Perhaps he was afraid that if he resorted to familiarities he would get his hopes up, only for things to come crashing down. Is that what had happened in the past? Had he had so many failures, so many breaches of trust that he could no longer trust himself to get close to another human, another mortal? Whatever the case, she would give almost anything for his cold looks to vanish. She closed her eyes; she actually felt physically drained from having talked to him, having tried to talk to him.... *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Three nights later, Natalie came back from her lunch break hoping to find him waiting for her. He wasn't there and it was getting late, even for him. And yet, she was sure he had been in the morgue that night. Again. It was something she had noticed recently, as if he kept sneaking in and making sure she wasn't doing anything he wouldn't approve. Nothing ever seemed out of place or missing, although occasionally she found the door not quite shut the whole way. It was as if someone was in a hurry and didn't want to make a lot of noise. She had asked the orderlies--and none of them had gone in, nor had they seen anyone. She crossed to her desk, picking up a folder, turned, and came face to face with the very subject of her thoughts. "You should not keep records of this," he stated, holding up a black notebook. She set her jaw with anger, even as her heart pounded at his sudden appearance and now beat even faster when she realised just what was in his hand. "Nick, if I'm going to track your progress--see what does and doesn't help--I need records," she stated, a hint of her anger creeping in, making the words stiffer than intended. "Besides, if you've seen them, read my entries, then you know there is no mention of your name or what you are. I've been very careful with what I write down, and I've destroyed the original questionnaire. There's nothing for anyone to find." His cold eyes drilled into her as he slowly set the notebook on the counter. "Nick, I can't do anything to help you unless you cooperate with me." "Are you sure this is worth wasting your time on?" "Is that what you think of this? 'Wasting time'?" She watched him look away. "I'm doing this because I believed it was something you really wanted, Nick. That this meant something more than some game, some random thought. If you think this is 'wasting time', I'll stop right now and you can go find someone else that, unlike me, just might share what they learn to the world or see you as nothing more than an experimental subject." "This is something I want," he responded, his voice more animated than usual, but the distance remained imbedded in his words. "Then you need to work with me." She watched his hard exterior struggle to remain his stoic usual. "And you're not, Nick. Perhaps you are coming here, meeting me, and perhaps partially doing as I ask, but you can try harder. And if we're going to do this, you need to trust me." He didn't answer, clearly uncomfortable. "Nick, if you want to do this, you have to work with me. Is that too much to ask?" "This is...hard for me. You have to understand that. To trust you, to trust myself in this is difficult." "I can't understand why you're hesitant unless you tell me why." She paused. "And you're not going to do that, are you?" He glanced away, and then looked back to her sharply, emotionlessly. "What did you want to discuss about my blood samples?" "Nothing for now, other than to say your blood is quite different than a human's." "But?" "But it's not as different as you might think, Nick. And.... Nick, I do want another sample in four nights." She saw him stiffen, at which she continued, "And, as I assume you haven't yet tried to cut back on your blood intake, I want you to make a detailed list of when, what, and how much blood you're drinking. Don't do anything different." "The second is fine. However, I told you I would allow a blood sample. One. No more." "I need a baseline, Nick. And I need to be able to see the effects of changing your diet." "I can tell you the effects. I already have." Natalie could hear his frustration, but as she was just as frustrated, she told him, "Nick, without knowing exactly what it's doing we don't know for sure what helps and what doesn't. Without multiple blood samples, I don't know if I have representative results. You have to trust me on this, and you can." She paused, and then pushed forward, "You've been a doctor before, I'm sure of it." Although she had hoped her prodding would elicit some response, he remained silent. "If you want, you can take the samples yourself. I have no problem with that. But I need the samples. And, if by chance you have done this before, whether on your own or working with someone, please share that information with me. All of it." He stiffened. "No, I haven't done this before. Not recently, not with the technology and knowledge that's available now." He looked away, appearing lost in thought. "When were you a doctor? Where?" He glared at her. "No personal questions. I've made that clear and that isn't changing." His expression softened to that of an annoyed marble statue. "However, I will allow you to continue as you wish. You may take more blood samples, if that's what you need. Is that all?" She shook her head. "No, I want to give you something," she said, pulling a note out from under several folders and holding it out to him. He made no move to take it, eyeing it with suspicion. "What is it?" "It is my home address, home phone, and work phone." "I don't need them." "Because you already know what they are or because you want to keep your distance from me? If it's the former, I'm not angry. I'm sure you've learned what you can about me, likely watched me far more than I'm aware. If it's the latter--I'm the one that's offering, not you. I'm not going to ask where you live or what your phone number is, but I do want you to be able to contact me if you either need or want to." She continued to hold the piece of paper out, but he just glared at it. "Please, Nick. You don't have to take it, but I'd rather you did. Do whatever you want with it, but please do take it." Gingerly, he pulled the paper from between her fingers, then folded it in half and stuffed it roughly in a pocket without looking at it. "Satisfied?" "Yes," she told him, although truly, she wasn't. When he turned and left, she wanted to scream at him. She wanted to tell him that if he didn't stop pushing her away that she wasn't going to help him. But a part of her knew he would leave and never come back. And if he left, she would never see him again. Under his hard exterior surface, she could see him struggling. But with what? She couldn't tell, and it worried her. Once, she had asked what he wanted, not if he wanted mortality, per se, but why, exactly, he wanted it. And he had told her it was because he wanted an end to his suffering. Not because he wanted to walk in the sunlight, have a family, children, grow old and die as he was supposed to, but because he wanted an end to what he was. She had turned that over more times than she could count. What suffering, precisely, did he mean? An end to his vampirism or, could he possibly mean an end to his life? He definitely wanted an end, but would he go that far as to want death over being a vampire if he couldn't become mortal? Vampires were not fully immortal; they could die, perhaps not as easily or in as many ways, but they could die. She didn't know. But she wanted to know. She wanted to know so much more about this man. He *was* suffering from something. She could see it, and she wanted it to stop. But she was so afraid to push him and never see him again. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. She had made a mistake. The last two months had gone well, even if he still refused to call her by her name. He had gradually lost some of the hardness of both his stance and his voice. But their meetings had become ever shorter. And sometimes she wondered if he really wanted to work with her because of it. That, and he had skipped one of their weekly meetings, and three times she had come back from lunch to find a folded piece of paper containing any reactions and his blood intake--word processed with no personal note--and two vials of blood on her desk, ever so slightly warm. And then, a week ago, she had made the mistake. She left a note for him, asking him to meet her at her apartment. It had been her night off and what she wanted to do was easier there than at the morgue. And, of course, he hadn't come. In some ways, she hoped he had just not come, that he had perhaps had something else that night that he had to do. But she suspected that it was that he didn't want to come to her apartment. Too personal, too close, he would tell her. Because of it, they had only met four times in the last nine weeks. And, so far, she had put up with it. But the changing pages of the calendar showed that time was passing quickly. Summer was ending and she was now counting the time she had known Nick in terms of months rather than weeks. "Good evening, Doctor." She spun, and there he was. He came earlier than usual, actually. And, considering she wasn't supposed to be in tonight, that was probably a good thing. She didn't particularly want to spend all her waking hours at the morgue. "Good evening," she replied in kind. Then, she stiffened. "Why didn't you come by my apartment last week?" He didn't say anything. "I specifically told you to come. It was not an offer of hospitality." "Whatever the case, I told you all discussions would be held here. Nowhere else." "I figured you'd say something like that. So, I brought with me what I was going to make for you last week. It's not quite as fresh, and I had wanted your reaction to it." "To what?" Natalie went to the refrigerator and pulled out a white plastic container with a snap-top. She came back slowly, trying to stall to decide what to tell him. "It's a...health drink of a sort. Basically a high-protein, nutrient-rich drink." She watched him look away as expected. He wanted no part of this, absolutely no part. "Nick...we've tried cutting the blood back. You said you can't eat most solid foods, but seem to have a bit more luck with liquids. Yes, I know you said you can't really drink anything, either, but... Think of it as blood that's not quite blood." He glared at it with disgust. "Come on, I even made it red and did what I could to make it as blood- like as I could. It should, hopefully, be better than most liquids. And I guarantee that it won't kill you." He just stood there. Calmly. Silently. Annoyed and visibly disgusted. Natalie fumed. "Fine," she told him, putting the container on the counter. She started toward the door, and then turned just before leaving. "Do what you want, Nick. I'm going *home*. Either take the shake and try it, or leave it. I'll see you next week, or I won't. You decide. I can't help you unless you let me, and you're not letting me. Choose one. Unlike you, I don't have all eternity to wait for you to make up your mind." She turned, pulled open the door, and left. She didn't stop walking until she was outside. She halted just outside the range of the door as it swung shut, and closed her eyes. "He deserved it, Lambert," she told herself. She half-expected Nick to come up behind her and protest, to perhaps feel the air behind her move as he approached whether or not he actually spoke to her, but he didn't. He was either still inside or he, too, had left. She turned around, facing the building. Maybe he was still there, hoping she would come back? Reaching for the door, she stopped herself, physically shaking her head. She had told him it was his choice, and it would be. Resolutely, she spun and walked quickly to her car before she could change her mind. Elusive Gains - Natalie - (05/26) It had been twenty-two days since she had walked out of the morgue, leaving Nick there. She hadn't seen him since. And she wasn't sure what to think of that. Shouldn't she be glad? After all, he didn't seem to want to work with her. He wouldn't do anything she asked or told him to do without an argument about it. Natalie walked up to her apartment, notebook in hand. If Nick wasn't going to continue working with her, she would eventually need to destroy it, she knew. She wasn't quite ready to do that, so for now she had decided to just take it home and away from any eyes that might come across it at the morgue. Reaching her door, she unlocked her apartment, entered, pulled the door closed, and then turned the lock. "Good morning, Doctor." Natalie gasped and spun, nearly dropping her keys and the notebook, her purse sliding off her shoulder. "Nick, what are you doing here? It's...." She glanced down at her watch, lips parting as she realised how very late it was. "Uh, Nick, it's almost eleven in the morning. The sun's-" "Give me the notebook." "Why?" she asked as he walked slowly nearer, stopping several steps away. Natalie glanced around her apartment, which seemed oddly absent of Sydney. "What did you do with my cat?" He just stared at her, nodding toward her notebook. "Fine, don't answer." He looked away for a second. "You asked what I'm doing here? Perhaps I'm here because this obviously isn't going to work." She shook her head, holding firmly onto the notebook, even as she put her purse and keys down. "No, Nick. It's not going to work unless you want it to, unless you really want it to work and work for it. And you have to make that choice. You have to decide if you want this, and then you have to work with me, you have to cooperate. Otherwise, I can do nothing for you." His eyes narrowed. "You trust me far too easily." He wasn't answering her, wasn't telling her what he wanted. And yes, maybe she did trust him more than she should considering his behaviour, but that was her choice. "I am not like you." "No, you're not. But you're human. Perhaps not mortal, but human." "I am *not* human." He laughed, the sound rough. "You seem to keep overlooking that. I drink blood. I've killed." "But you don't anymore, you don't want to kill. You want to be mortal." His eyes glowed bright amber, a smile gracing his lips. "How can you be sure I've told you the truth about that? Any of it? And how can you be so sure that I won't kill again in the future? Perhaps soon, perhaps even you?" "I don't think you would," she told him, trying to get him to listen even as she avoided telling him that her reason was nothing more than a feeling she had about him. He closed the distance between them in two quick steps, spun her, and pushed her neck to the side. "Another second and I could kill you. You'd be dead." Natalie closed her eyes. The unmovable grip, the sharp pain that ran down from her neck...it was all so very, very real. And she believed him. She knew that, if he wanted to, he could kill her just as he said he could. At the same time, her instinct told her that this had to be a show, a very controlled example of what he was capable of. "But I'm not," she told him, the words forced. "You won't kill me. I know you won't." He pulled her chin back, preventing her from speaking any further. "Killing is natural for me. It is what my body is made for. To kill," he whispered in her ear. "You have underestimated me, Doctor. You might think that there is good in me, think that you have seen it, but there isn't. There hasn't been for a long time. I'm not sure there can be." Abruptly finding herself released, Natalie rubbed her neck and her throat where he had gripped. It hurt, but she could already see him retreating for the door. "Nick, everything, everyone has good in them. And there's more good than evil in the world, and there's more good than evil in people. That includes you." He turned, smirking as he spoke, "Really? Why would you think that?" "If there wasn't, I'd be dead. If there wasn't, I--or anyone else for that matter--certainly wouldn't be helping you. We wouldn't have police or fire-fighters, we certainly wouldn't have doctors. If there wasn't good in the world, the human race probably would have blown up the planet by now or otherwise blundered so badly we wouldn't be capable of talking to each other right now." "Who says that won't happen in the future? Perhaps it just hasn't happened yet." "Nick, you've had the opportunity to kill me countless times. You could have easily taken my blood instead of what was in the fridge that night. You're good whether you believe it or not. Perhaps not perfect, but who is? I'm certainly not perfect. And Nick, you've got far more good than evil in you. I'm sure of it." His eyes remained a dull gold, but his stance lost a small portion of its stiffness. "How can you believe this?" "I have to, Nick. If there weren't any good in the world, what would be the point to life? How could life be seen as positive? How could evil even exist, how could it be defined?" She stepped forward, but he backed up toward the door. "Nick, if you still want this, I...I would be willing to try working with you again. But you have to work with me and you will, eventually, have to trust me. I'm not asking for an instant change, but I'll have to see progress." The gold faded to an empty blue. He stared at her for a moment, then turned and quickly unlocked the door and left. She went after him, but by the time she was in the hallway, it was empty. He was gone. And now she was back to a state of pure uncertainty, all because she couldn't drop this. Would he or would he not take her up on her offer once again? And if he did, how much more of this could either of them handle? *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Natalie jumped when the doorbell rang two days later; she had dozed off on the couch while watching TV. Turning the television off, she stood and went to the door. Looking out the peephole, she couldn't see much of anything. It was probably better to not answer it, or wait, but aware it was likely Nick, she cautiously opened the door just a few inches. And there, leaning against the hallway wall just outside her door, was Nick. His eyes looked like they might be a soft gold and overall he seemed dazed. She pulled the door open wider and stepped closer, concerned. His typical stiff and stony posture was absent, his form bent, slouched as he rested with his back to the wall. "Nick?" He gradually shifted his gaze to her, the gold far more obvious now that he looked straight at her. "Nick, what's wrong? What happened?" His lips twisted into a faint grin, and then closed his eyes and scrunched his forehead in thought, his vaguely pleasant expression vanishing instantly. "Nick?" "You think there's good in the world," he stated, turning his gaze toward her, his eyes still glowing, his fangs peeking through as he spoke. "You think there's good in me." With his words, she was hit with the strong scent of alcohol, a hint of blood accompanying it rather horrendously. She wasn't sure which scent bothered her more. She stiffened, her heart rate increasing as the reality of the situation hit her. She was talking to a drunk or, at the least, a very tipsy vampire. Her instincts told her to bolt, or at the very least slam the door and lock it for all the good it would do. Sydney hissed at Nick from behind her, reinforcing that thought. But as he turned more fully toward her, light glinted off several burns. Some were on the side of his face, another on his neck. Her concern returned in an instant and she reached out toward him. And, as her fingers wrapped around his upper arm, she was stunned when he didn't react. She tried to guide him in, and only then did he pull away. Even so, it was awkward when he did it. Nick, who she had never seen make anything resembling an awkward or inelegant movement, was drunk to the point he could, she suspected, barely stand. "Tell me, Doctor, do you really think that? That there's good in me?" "If I didn't, I wouldn't still be standing here, trying to get you to come in. Now please, Nick, come inside." She moved to grab his arm again, but he wouldn't let her. Hoping he would follow, she went back inside and stood out of the way of the door. And sure enough, he came in, causing Sydney to run off toward her bedroom, where he had hidden two days ago. Slowly, she shut the door. And turning back to him, she watched as he crossed to the window, pulling the curtains closed. When he then pushed the curtains to the side, letting in light for just a moment, she became anxious. How could he so easily play with something that could destroy him? She knew what sunlight did to his blood, she had gone as far as put a few drops on a slide to test it, and it hadn't been pretty. The burns he presently had showed just how dangerous sunlight was. And yet, again, he touched the curtain, his fingers flitting in the bright light in some sick game of self-torture. "Ni--" "The touch of the sun's rays is pleasant to mortals." She couldn't respond, her attention fixed solidly on the light streaming in through the window. "You miss it, don't you?" "Sometimes." Natalie's eyes visibly widened in surprised when she got an answer. Even better, he had given her an immediate and unusually direct response. To top it off, she was sure that in the past Nick would have considered this a personal question as it related to his personal thoughts on what it was like being a vampire and would have completely ignored the question. He let out a breath and pulled the drapes shut, blocking out most of the light. He then shifted and leaned heavily against the wall next to the window, bracing himself against the solid surface. "Why are you here, Nick?" "I'm not sure." "You've been drinking." "Yes." His eyes glinted brightly as he smiled oddly. "Blood and wine." "Cow's blood, or human blood?" she asked, aware she couldn't dare back off yet. He closed his eyes. "Both. Cow's blood. Then human. And then the wine...more blood and yet more wine...." "If you're going to work toward a cure, you can't do this." She waited, but he didn't acknowledge her. He seemed preoccupied. "Can I at least ask why you did this, what triggered it?" "The hunger. I needed something." "But why? You've told me that you always want blood, whether you need it or not. Why is this time different?" "I was thinking, and it just happened. I couldn't.... You're not frightened of me. No matter what I do, you keep offering your kindness. I can't understand that. I'm not sure I could even believe this was real after our last conversation. How can a mortal doctor want to help something that's sole purpose for existing is to kill?" "Because you want to change that and because I am a doctor." He nodded, the movement sluggish. "I wasn't sure I could believe it at first. I mean...your kind murders each other. In--" She waited for him to continue, but he didn't. "What? In what, Nick?" He took in a deep breath. "In eight hundred years I've seen things that should never be spoken of. Especially this last century. So many horrors, so much death...and yet as you said there are still good things, good people." Although she had heard every word he said, the first part of his statement stuck in her mind. In fact, she remembered him mention it before, but before hadn't been the right time to ask. She wouldn't have received an answer. But now? "Eight hundred years? Is that how long you've been alive, or how long you've been a vampire?" He seemed to hesitate, perhaps deciding whether or not to answer. "It's...how long I've been alive. I was brought across in 1228." "So you were born in...?" For a moment, she actually thought he would answer her. Instead, she received a glare after a couple of seconds. But she now had a timeframe of roughly a decade that he would have been born in. He wasn't rounding off as much as she expected he had or could have. "It's okay, you don't have to answer. I was just curious." When he again closed his eyes and slid down the wall, her unease at his state skyrocketed. He might have drunk quite a bit of blood, but he was pale. And although his burns seemed to be healing, he looked like he was becoming weak from it. Silently, she went to the hall closet, pulled out a washcloth, and then went to the bathroom to get it wet. Once she had wrung the washcloth out, she went back to Nick. She cautiously approached and knelt next to him. Carefully, she reached toward the healed wound on his forehead. The washcloth just touched his skin when his hand snapped out and pushed her away. "If it hurts, I can stop," she told him. She met his eyes, and was pleasantly surprised when Nick released her arm and let her continue. She cleaned the dried and burnt blood away, faintly pink skin revealed. "You're healing well." "They were minor burns." Natalie swallowed. She wouldn't have considered the burns minor. "What about more serious burns?" "They hurt a bit more, take longer to heal. But you can't understand. It's different than being burned as a mortal." "How different?" She watched him roll his head sideways against the wall until he was looking at her. His expression calmed her, his lips wearing an almost pleasant smile. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to." "I want to. I need to, I suppose, don't I?" He turned his head back to its original position, staring blankly across the room. "The pain is sharper, deeper as a vampire, especially when from fire and sunlight. You don't forget the more serious burns. They...make a strong imprint in memory, reinforcing the instinctual fear." "And fire and sunlight can also kill you." "Yes. But we will heal as long as we're not consumed." Consumed. She didn't like that word; it made her think about what it would be like to be eaten alive. And Nick had used it in relation to sunlight. To be eaten by the sun's rays, something practically invisible, something she associated with warmth and pleasantness.... Her attention shifted back to him when she saw him attempting to stand up. She watched as he had to first go to his hands and knees and then use the wall for support before he made it to a standing position, once again leaning against the wall, using it for support. "I...I should go." Natalie shook her head. "No, it's day. It would be better for you to stay here." She nearly added, 'And you're drunk,' to her reasons, but didn't see that going over well. She stepped in front of him, prepared to block any attempt at fleeing as best she could. But he didn't try to push pass her. "Are you certain?" Her jaw just about dropped. "Yes, I'm certain. You can sleep in my room if you want. I have better window coverings in there." He shook his head. "No, here is fine." "The couch isn't very big...." "I'll be fine," he emphasised. She stiffened. His tone was becoming harsh like before. But then, had she really expected him to suddenly drop it? She managed a smile. "I'll go get a pillow and blanket." "I don't need them, it's fine." She ignored him. He was her guest and she would get them. If he really didn't want them, he didn't have to use them. She pulled a quilt and an extra pillow out of the hall closet, taking them back to the living room. Nick was staring out the window again, or trying to. She didn't know if he could really see anything past the bright white light streaming in or not, but hoped he could. She put the pillow and blanket on the couch. "I'm...going to head to bed. If you need anything, just knock on my door." She watched him continue to stare out the window, not acknowledging her at all. "Nick?" He turned and nodded. "Thank you, Doctor." She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't. She followed his gaze as he again looked out the window, at which she turned and headed to her room. Elusive Gains - Natalie - (06/26) Natalie couldn't sleep. No matter how hard she tried, the fact that Nick--a vampire--was in the other room prevented her from any more than a light, restless half-sleep. She had put on her robe and gone to check on Nick several times. Each time he had been sound asleep on the couch. Or perhaps he was just pretending to be. She knew if their positions were reversed, it would not be easy for her to sleep soundly for hours. She honestly didn't have a clue which one it was. The first time she checked on him, she had been torn between how uncomfortable he looked and how downright innocent and relaxed he appeared. And yet, he looked more than relaxed. He didn't seem to breathe, he was just...there. Alive, but...something less, or perhaps it was something more? She didn't know. When she had seen that he used the pillow but not the blanket, she had covered him with the quilt. And, amazingly, she hadn't woken him. He hadn't stirred. Even on her later trips out the blanket was still in place. If she didn't know better, she would say he hadn't even moved. Now it was early evening, the sun still up, and she had decided to go ahead and get dressed. When she came out of her room, she moved as quietly as she could manage toward the couch. As it came into view, she saw she had no need. Nick was awake, or, she should say, just waking up as it looked like he was just now sitting up. "How do you feel?" she softly asked as she approached, afraid that when he looked to her his eyes would be glowing in the dim room. "I'm fine." She forced a smile. His words were back to the sharp, punctuated tone she couldn't manage to become accustomed to. His eyes glistened faintly, but they were clear and calm. "I really should go." "Stay, at least until sunset. Please, Nick?" He didn't answer her. "I would like to continue our conversation from earlier. Perhaps not now, but soon. If you do want to keep working on this, that is." "Yes. Perhaps." It was just two words, and no movement to indicate his true opinion. But the response was neither harsh nor sluggish. "You seem awfully...normal now." "You mean considering what I was like when I got here? Considering how much I drank?" She nodded. He flashed a half-smile. "Vampires heal quickly, hence no blatantly noticeable hangover." "That'd be nice." "But would you want the rest of the deal? Immortality is a double- edged sword, and very tempting. If I did become mortal, there are some things I'd miss. But losing them is worth it." "Tempting.... Is the temptation of immortality what led you to being brought over?" "I'd...rather not talk about that. But...yes, it did involve temptations. Many temptations." He stood, keeping his eyes locked on her. "1193." "What?" she asked, the number not making any sense to her. 1193 what? "You had asked when I was born. 1193." So, he was about thirty-five when he had come across and, frankly, older than she had guessed he had been by a couple years. But the information only made her more curious. "Can I ask where?" she prodded, hoping to get more since his talkative mood hadn't yet vanished. "Where I was born?" "Yeah." "In an area that is now mostly within Belgium." "What was it then?" He didn't answer, but he seemed to want to. She could see it in his eyes as he glanced away, and then looked at her once again. "Nick? Come on, where?" "If you're really curious...find an old map. It's on there. The name's survived, although just barely." She could barely believe this. "You're really going to make me look this up, aren't you?" He just smiled back at her. "You're in a better mood than I've ever seen you in, you know that?" The smile vanished. "I didn't want this to happen. I'm sorry. I'm sure I've imposed on you far more than you expected I ever would." "It's fine, really." "Do you work tonight?" She nodded. "Yeah, I go in for nine tonight." "I'll bring by my...schedule from the last month. If you want me to, that is? You won't like the last few days, though." "If you want me to see it, bring it. But you don't have to." "I'll bring it. I'd offer a blood test, but...I'm not sure that would be of any use, considering." Natalie didn't respond. She didn't have to--they both knew why. Hoping to turn their conversation to something more relaxing, she asked, "Okay, since you asked me if I was working...do you even have a job? It's just, you seem to have a fairly flexible schedule...." "No, I don't have a job. After what happened, I'm not sure if I should." "Because someone might recognise you?" She received a nod. "How long had you been here at the time? When you got, ah--" "Blown to bits? Not long." "So, well, did anyone know your name or anything else about you?" "No, not really." "Then why are you worried? They never identified you, and if by chance someone thinks they've seen you before, I'm sure you can handle that." "Perhaps." "I'm just saying you might consider getting a job. If you haven't already thought about it, that is." "I have. I'm just not sure if I should keep to my original plan." "Nick, you've been here for five months and you haven't done a thing?" She saw a sparkle in his eyes. "I know. You probably don't need a job. But doesn't it get, well, boring not having much to do?" "Sometimes. I'll think about it, okay?" She smiled back at him. "If you haven't already picked a job, you might consider something a vampire wouldn't be expected to take." "I think you would, perhaps, approve of the one I have in mind." "Good." "Anything else?" Natalie thought for a moment. Personally, she didn't want to bore him by asking more questions, some that she knew would only get more and more personal. And then she remembered her last, failed suggestion, wondering and hoping Nick would be willing to tackle the shake she had made for him. "What if it's not a question, exactly?" "What is it?" Natalie, a smile forming on her lips as Nick leaned a bit forward, curious, answered, "Hmmm, well, since we're doing so good this evening, you can try that drink I wanted you to try. It'll be a good new beginning, of a sort." He groaned and fell back into the couch cushions. "Come on, Nick, it's not going to kill you." No further answer. "Well, I'm taking your reaction as a 'yes' considering you're still here and haven't bounded for the door." She waited a couple of seconds and, when she still got no protest, she then went to the kitchen. Making the mixture was simple, really. The complicated part was making the powder that made the mixture, but she had already had that made up. Pulling a mug down from the cupboard, she quickly mixed the powder with cold water from the refrigerator, so that it was about half full. It tasted a bit better cold--to her, anyway. And maybe a few ounces would be less intimidating than the much larger amount she had brought to the morgue? Once she had the mixture well-stirred, she put the spoon in the sink and went back out to where Nick was, still sitting on the couch, waiting for her. She handed him the mug and he took it without any comment or hesitation, seemingly planning to cooperate. In fact, he seemed calmer and more ready for it than when she had left to the kitchen. "It's green," he immediately commented, staring into the cup. "I thought you said you had made it red?" "I did. Unfortunately, that was an extra step, so you'll have to settle with green today. It could be greener, you know? Besides, if you ever do become mortal you'll have to get used to seeing green on your plate." His eyes didn't stray in the slightest from the pale, lime green, slightly thicker than milk mixture. "Should I ask what is in it?" "Probably not." He gave her this sceptical look that she wasn't sure was serious or not. Was he, perhaps, loosing even more of his hard exterior? "I even tried it myself, and it tasted fine. Come on, try it. Please, Nick." He handed it out toward her, contents untouched. "Nick...." "It works. I've lost my appetite." "Then maybe it'll do an even better job if you actually try it. It should be better than some things, at least." When he actually took a sip, she couldn't help but smile even if his facial expression was one of complete disgust. But he swallowed it. He actually swallowed it. And then he again held the mug back out to her. "So...?" "It tastes worse than most mortal food." She winced. "Sorry, I kind of hoped it would be better than most. But, other than that how is it? Anything in particular that could be improved, anything that's a good aspect of it...?" "It's either too thin or too thick. It's not making me overly nauseated, though." "That's good." "For now." He held it out a couple of inches further. "Please, take it. I'm not going to drink any more of it." "Nick...." "Would you rather have had me head to your kitchen and spit it out?" "Well, no, not really...." "Then take it," he again said, firmer. "A single sip might not have much effect, but I don't think I can handle much more. Nor right now." Natalie tensed, but he was at least being honest. "Sorry. Maybe bring back a glass of water? I'll drink that." "It's okay, Nick." She took the mug and went back into the kitchen. He wasn't trying hard enough, but he was trying. And, as she rinsed out the mug, pulled out a glass, and filled it with water, she again reminded herself that he wasn't completely refusing to try. After all, water wasn't blood. And he had tried the drink she had made. And considering blood was something he likely very much needed, after the burns and hangover, the fact that he was willing to drink some water was certainly a good thing. She headed back to the other room again, only to find Nick staring oddly at her red-orange walls. "Ah, sorry about the colour." "It's a bit...annoying." "It increases your hunger?" "Something like that." She held out the glass of water to him. "I'm a little surprised you can drink water." "Why?" he asked, taking the glass. "Well...okay, maybe it's not too odd, but--" "I don't need water, and although my body would much rather be drinking something else, it has its uses. Don't rely on myth." "You're close enough to myth from what I've seen, and it's not like you've said much about it. Besides, you said that you couldn't drink any mortal food or drink. And, apparently, that isn't entirely true." He took a large swallow of the clear liquid and nodded. "I'll explain more. I promise. And I will try harder." Natalie tried to keep her expression even at the promises. Even if he did start telling her more, she wondered just how much that would be. Probably all that was necessary, and only what was necessary. "Are you done with the water?" she asked, noticing he was about to put the nearly full glass down on the table. He stopped. "No. No, I'll finish it." She watched him as he then took another sip of the water, as if he was trying to prove it. She had a feeling that water wasn't a whole lot better than the shake. "You don't have to." "And you don't have to help me. You didn't have to let me in this morning." She pursed her lips as he forced a smile. "But I would like you to help me. I really do mean it." Natalie didn't say anything in response. What could she? She would, of course, help him. She had already told him she would. But he had to work with her, otherwise it eventually wasn't going to work out-- something they now both knew. She glanced to the clock. It was nearly sunset. "Will you be leaving now? The sun's about down." He finished the remaining water in one large, forced swallow, and nodded. "I should go. I might not have a job, but I do keep busy most nights." "Hobbies?" "Something like that." "A vampire's hobbies.... Hmm, that might be interesting." "Not really." "You aren't going to say any more about that, are you? Even if I ask." She watched him look abruptly away. "I thought so." "I'm sorry. Give me time. I will work with you, but I would really prefer if we avoided the more personal topics. Please." "Does that go for my research information too?" He stared blankly at her. Had he forgotten? "The map, to get the answer to my question? To find out where you were born?" "No. No, that's fine. Just other...closer topics. Where I'm from is a fact. My personal life is something else. I'm not going to ask about your life, Doctor. Our relationship is strictly professional, and I plan for it to remain so." She stiffened and he put the glass on a table as he stood. She followed his approaching steps until he passed her, at which she closed her eyes. Seconds later, she heard her apartment door close, and he was gone. Strictly professional or not, Nick likely knew more about her personal life than she did about his. Far more. She was starting to fear this would continue--whether it be her personal life or her time and effort. Recently, she had felt like they were, indeed, wasting time as Nick had put it. But she couldn't ignore his renewed effort, not after him arriving at her door earlier today and what was possibly the single most progressive 'meeting' they had had to this point. He was, finally, appearing to open up, to soften and, perhaps, to trust her. And whether or not she should have, she had given him another chance. Elusive Gains - Natalie - (07/26) Later that night not long after her shift started, Natalie turned around as the door clicked shut. She expected to find a technician entering and nearly asked what they needed, but instead it was Nick. As he approached, she could even hear his footsteps. He was actually making noise instead of his usual unheard and seemingly instant appearances, like some silent ghost sliding through the door and materializing behind her. And he also looked a bit happier than his usual. Perhaps things would be different this time, perhaps he really was going to try harder. Whatever the case, she just stood there, staring at him with her mouth gaping open, so stunned by the sudden overall change that she couldn't think of a response. "Is something wrong?" "Ah, no. No, I'm just a bit surprised. I've never heard you come in before. I mean, I've heard the door a couple of times, but I've never actually heard you walk in." "I know." She watched as a smile flitted across his face, but after a few seconds, the bright appearance only remained in his eyes. "I thought you might prefer it. You haven't said anything, but I know it bothers mortals." He shifted uncomfortably, then handed several sheets of paper out to her. She took them, her thoughts lingering slightly on his last word even as she stared blankly at the top page. Mortals. She supposed it meant something, though. After all, he hadn't said that it bothers humans. Maybe he didn't think they were as different as he seemed to let on? "So, have you figured out where I'm from yet?" Her line of thought broke, and she was shocked that he would ask this so soon. "Nick, it's only been a few hours. I haven't had time...I don't even know where to look, really." "Find an encyclopaedia. It likely won't be mentioned in the history, but look around the Capital...and take a glance at the country facts. That should--" She watched him tense. Just as she was about to ask why, she saw the door open. And of all the possibilities, of all the people that could have conceivably walked through the door, it was Schanke. She wished she could have cursed, but didn't dare between the two of them. "Did you find anything new on the Matheson case? Is it a suicide?" "Suicide," she said, going to her desk and pulling off the top file, keeping her attention as closely on Schanke as she could. "Nothing to suggest homicide." Schanke took the folder, and then shifted slightly, nodding toward Nick. "So, who's your friend?" "Well...." Natalie couldn't say more. After all, Nick wasn't exactly her friend, was he? She didn't even know if Nick was really his name, she couldn't even risk introducing him. "Ah, this is...ah...." "Nick. Nick Knight." Natalie watched as first Nick held out his hand to Schanke, as the two shook hands, and then as Schanke's expression changed to something very odd, even for Schanke. She knew what it had to be; Nick's skin was as cold as ice, and Schanke had surely noticed the strangely chilly grip. "Detective Don Schanke. So..." he said as Nick took a step back. "You a friend of Natalie's?" She waited, hoping Nick would take the lead as they had never discussed what they would say if anyone asked. And when Nick didn't look like he was going to answer, she fumbled for something to say, "Ah...er, Nick's...." She then she looked back to Nick. After all, Schanke had asked the question of him, not her, and she didn't know how much he wanted others to know. Nick had wanted this just between them, but.... "A patient," Nick answered. "Really?" Schanke asked, looking between the two. "I didn't know pathologists had patients. Live ones, that is. Granted, you do look a bit pale, but you're probably not used to morgues--" "Nick's a special case," she said, cutting him off before he launched into mentioning the cold handshake...or anything else he might have noticed. "And I'm not charging him for visits, anyway." "And I'm not letting you do this for free." Natalie turned to Nick, a little surprised he had responded with Schanke there. And besides, they had settled that--he would pay for any expenses she incurred for any tests or medications, but not for visits. And now? She was also surprised at his harsh, unmoving tone. This is all she needed--to get into an argument with Nick in front of someone else. "Nick--" "I'll come back in a few days for what you wanted, Doctor." She watched him turn and slip out, not even acknowledging Schanke. "So, it's just 'Doctor', is it?" "Like he said, he's a patient." "Yeah, but-- Wait a second, you said he's a patient. For what? Why would I guy come to a pathologist instead of a regular Doc?" "Uh uh, Schanke. I am a doctor, remember? I might work in a morgue, but I've had plenty of live patients before coming here. Besides, you probably won't see him again, or not much, anyway." She took the papers Nick had given her and took them to her desk, sliding them under a file. "What are you doing here now, anyway?" "Filling in. I hate nights, but.... Wait a second. Why's a guy seeing his doctor in the middle of the night for? Forget it being a morgue, it's awful late for a doctor's appointment." "Because nights are a good time for both of us." Natalie relaxed when Schanke seemed to think about that. "Well...okay. I guess that could kind of make sense, doesn't it? I mean, if it works, it works, right? So, definitely a suicide, then?" "Yeah." "Man...a house that's practically a mansion, a BMW...even one of those little fluffy dogs that require more maintenance than most homes." "She lived alone, both her husband and son had died within the last year, there were no signs of forced entry, and she had taken enough pills to kill just about anyone. Suicide." "I still don't understand it. It just really doesn't make any sense...I'm not sure I'll ever understand 'em." Natalie watched Schanke start for the door, but then he hesitated. "If nights are convenient, then he probably works nights. Do you know where he works?" "Uh, no I don't, Schanke. He just moved here." "So, how'd you end up being his doctor? Come on, at least tell me that." "I don't know, he just sort of popped up one night," she said, wondering what affect the semi-truth would have. And he just stared at her, sceptically. He didn't buy it. "We had a mutual acquaintance and the topic came up." "So you're really just his doctor? Not that if you were more it would be bad or anything, just wondering. It's just...I mean, I don't call my doctor just 'Doctor'. Isn't it odd the way he does that? Don't you think it's, I don't know, impersonal?" It took a second before she realised exactly what Schanke was suggesting by the first part. But, truly, it didn't particularly surprise her, considering how quickly Nick had practically bolted and their slow responses with introductions. "Schanke, he really is a patient and *only* a patient. And yes, his manner can be a bit impersonal, but it's not doing any harm." "What do you know about the guy, anyway?" "Schanke...." "Just don't want to see you getting hurt or anything. There's something about him that just seems...off." She watched him pause, lost in thought. "Probably nothing. Yeah, it's nothing." She managed a smile, trying to cover up the worry that had started to ooze its way in. If Schanke tried prodding Nick, tried confronting him no matter the reason, she suspected it would only reharden Nick's mood. Nick didn't like others prying into his life and Schanke was just the type of person to do just that. "So, how long have you known him?" "Ah...not long. Like I said, he recently moved here. Don't worry about me, Schanke. Nick's harmless. Perhaps a bit rough around the edges at first, but it's just a show. He was just surprised when you came in." "You sure about that? He had quite a grip." "Yes. Like I said, he's harmless." Schanke considered her words and nodded in partial acceptance, and then finally left, saying goodnight to her, seemingly back to normal. Then, and only then, did she let out a breath. Had she really just called Nick harmless? And she did it twice, at that. Unconsciously, her hand went to her neck, to where Nick had forced her head back several nights ago. She had been thankful that it didn't bruise, but even so, the skin was quite tender. The fact that Nick was about as far from harmless as one could get made her a bit nervous. As far as she knew, this could still all be a ploy, some game to him. He had even hinted that he could be lying to her when he mentioned how easily she trusted him. But something told her this was no game. However, Nick was still a vampire. And, as he had told her, as a vampire he lived, existed for the sole purpose of killing. And he had killed in the past and had likely enjoyed it. Perhaps he didn't anymore, and perhaps he didn't want to kill or even be a vampire, but it was through killing those like herself that he had survived as long as he had. The life-blood of other living creatures was what fed what he was even now. Even if he didn't take the blood directly from the source, he still fed off the very lives of others no matter the origin or manner he obtained that blood. However much she wanted to believe or already did believe, Nick was definitely not harmless. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. "So, did you find it?" Natalie jumped, a line of ink slicing across the nearly filled-out form in front of her. "Nick, I thought you were going to stop appearing out of thin air?" "Sorry." Putting her pen down, the form ruined, she went to get her stethoscope. "Don't you want a blood sample?" "No, not tonight. But I want to get your pulse and temperature again." "I thought you were done with that?" "Nope. I want to make sure your system is back to normal after your little detour." She watched him look away. "Ah, come on, it's not that bad. Look at it this way--you don't get poked with a needle tonight." "It doesn't hurt." "But you don't like it. Now, unbutton your shirt." She waited patiently as he undid the top several buttons of his shirt, just enough for her to easily put her stethoscope over his heart. "So, did you? Since you wanted to know so much?" "The map?" She looked up, getting a nod. "Yeah. All I could find was a current map. That encyclopaedia tip was useful." "But?" "You were right about the history section, didn't have much of anything useful. In fact, it skipped right over that time period." "And?" "Well, like I said, the hints were helpful. It's Brabant, correct?" She watched him smile at her. "Very interesting...anything I might find on you in the library if I look 'Brabant' up? There wasn't a separate article on it, I noticed." "Probably not, or if there is, it wouldn't be much." "What might I find?" Nick's smile all but vanished. "I know. Too personal, isn't it?" She watched him close his eyes and look away. She was right on that--too personal. "A bit," he answered. "But if you looked, you'd probably find nothing more than a birth date and place. I didn't have a very long nor particularly noteworthy mortal life. Anything else likely no longer exists or is only available to researchers. If you look and you want to find more about me, you'll be wasting your time if you hope to find anything interesting or enlightening. You've probably guessed more about me than you'd find." Natalie was a bit sad that he didn't elaborate what might be in other records, but she was pleased that he had at least answered. Once his gaze softened slightly, she said, "One question, though. This hit me when Schanke was here a few nights ago, and I'm even more curious now...." "What?" "Is Nick--or, I guess it would be some variant of Nicholas--your real name? The one you were born with?" "It was." "And...I suspect Knight is just a random name, isn't it? No relation?" "It's not a random choice." "But it's not your real name, is it?" "No." "So...what's the rest of it?" She met his eyes, and the smile that had nearly returned abruptly vanished. His heart beat once, at which she noted the time and pulled away, going to get a thermometer. He wasn't going to answer her. "Open up, Nick." Once he had hesitantly obeyed, she went back to listening and waiting, this time silently. A little more than ten minutes later, she got another beat, stepped back, and took the thermometer out of his mouth. They were both about normal. For Nick, anyway. They were a little low, though, and knew it could only mean two things. "How have you been feeling the last few days?" "Fine." "Qualify 'fine'. Are you having more trouble keeping to the steady, rationed amount of blood we were working with?" He didn't answer. Damn it. This was going right back to what it was before. "Nick, out with it." "You're right, I haven't been able to stick with it." "And it shows. Your temperature and pulse are lower. How much human blood have you been drinking?" "Natalie...." "How much?" He looked away. "Some. Not much. Less than half. I tried, I really did. Next week will be better." "And you--" She halted, just as she was about to ask him is she was supposed to believe him. "Wait a minute, you used my name." "You said I should." She smiled, nearly forgetting about his comment about next week being 'better'. Perhaps things would improve more, perhaps he wasn't blocking her out as much as it still seemed. "So, I ask again, what's your name? Your full name, Nick." "Nicholas B. Knight." She raised her eyebrows. She knew it wasn't, couldn't. "Come on, Nick. Mortal name." She watched him squirm and glance to the door. He wanted away, but he also wanted to answer her. "You let me figure out where you're from. You knew I'd ask this, I'm sure. And your name is...?" "Nicolas de Brabant," he told her, just before heading to the door, slipping out and away with ease. "Wait, Nick. Nick!" She started after him, but by the time she reached the hall, he was gone. She let out a deep, frustrated breath, and then tossed his answer around in her head. His last name was De Brabant, and she knew enough to know it meant one of three things. He didn't want to tell her his last name and he was flat-out lying, he was generically from the area and didn't have a real last name or again, didn't want to tell her and had just made it up...or, possibly, he was a member of the then noble family. The strong possibility of the last awed her, since the other two options came down to that it was just a lie. Granted, it would be long dead nobility; yet, it was certainly a possibility, particularly as he thought she would be able to find his birth date and place simply by looking up where he was from, before he even told her it was his name. So what if he didn't have a so-called 'interesting' mortal life. That didn't mean much to her, not when the shear fact that his mortal life had been eight hundred years ago. As far as she knew, that just meant that he wasn't his family's heir, that he didn't play any clearly integral part in history. And the middle initial he had given her moments before, she wondered if he had just made it up or if it meant anything. Could maybe be his way of sticking in his real last name? Whatever that B actually stood for, however, she had no idea. As far as she knew, it was something simple like Brian or Benjamin. But why did it bother him to give an answer, any answer? Particularly the intermediate one? Why hadn't he just told her? Why had he gone as far as to stall her and only pique her curiosity more, when she could have possibly found it on her own and there was no reason to not tell her? Why had he then decided to give an answer at all and not just told her to look at the library or something? At least he had given her an answer, although the way he left.... She really disliked when his disappearing acts were like this--a way out of answering her or giving her a straight answer. Or cutting the conversation and her questions short, no matter how personal or impersonal the topic was. And their conversation had been going so very well.... "Damn it, Nick. Why can't you just trust me?" Elusive Gains - Natalie - (08/26) "Hey, Schank, I thought you were working on another case?" Natalie asked as she arrived at a crime scene a few weeks later, well out of his usual shift. "And besides, you're dayshift." "I am, on both those counts. I'm not officially investigating; it's more like...baby-sitting. Stonetree's got me watching that friend of yours." "Friend? Wait, do you mean Nick?" she asked, not able to think of any of her friends who it might be. Outside of work, she didn't talk to many people. It had to be Nick, and she watched him nod. The action was completely calm, although he seemed to share some of her disbelief. "Are you serious? Why would he be here and need watching?" "Yeah, I'm serious, and he started at the 27th a few nights ago. And get this--the guy got Stonetree to let him work alone. I mean, yeah, he's been stuck with me the last couple days basically so he can get oriented, but Stonetree made it clear it was only temporary and that Knight would be working alone. He comes in here, asks, and it's like, 'sure, go ahead, do what you want, take my job for all I care' and I just wanna.... And you should see that car of his. I bet it breaks down on him sometime. That thing's an antique. It should be in a museum, not out on the road. It's about as far from a squad car as I am." Natalie filed away the comments, particularly those about Nick's car. She didn't even know Nick had a car until now. But she was still having trouble getting a grasp on what Schanke had told her. "Nick is really here? He's a detective? A homicide detective?" "Yeah, he's over by the body," he said, nodding off to the side. "He apparently came up from Chicago about a month ago. And you know what? He hates souvlaki. Not even dislikes, but downright *hates* it. Won't get near it. I asked if he wanted one before our lunch break and he just gave me this expression that made my souvlaki go cold and then he walked off without a word. About as friendly as an air conditioner in winter." Natalie spotted Nick, catching his barely perceptible glance toward her way as he knelt over the victim. Nick could hear the conversation, she was sure of it. But had he mentioned anything about super human hearing? Nope. She did her best to keep calm, and turning her attention back to Schanke, she told him, "He's just not a people person, Schank. Give him a bit of time and I'm sure all will be fine." "Just tell him I'm heading back to the precinct and then heading home, would you? He's doing fine and really doesn't need me here. I'm just wasting time following him around. I'd much rather be catching up on sleep, anyway. Later, Natalie." She stood there a moment, first watching Schanke head toward one of the patrol cars, asking for a ride back to the precinct. Then she turned to Nick, who was still hovering just over the body. She didn't understand how he could handle it considering his problem with her apartment walls and the fact that he disliked being in the morgue when she was doing an autopsy--whether she was actually cutting away or the body was sitting there covered by a sheet and out of sight. Natalie walked slowly up to him, watching him first tense and then stand, but not look back to her. "Nick?" He turned, giving her an odd little smile. "Didn't expect to see me here, did you?" "No, I didn't. Just...please don't tell me it's some kind of joke. I mean...are you really planning to keep this job?" "I'm really a homicide detective and I'm really hoping to keep it." "Hoping...?" "Yeah." She watched him turn back to the victim, his eyes immediately drawn to the blood. "You're having trouble with it." "Tonight, yes. I suppose you could say it's my first crime scene in a while." "When was your last?" She caught a glare, the question obviously too personal. Apparently, she had maxed out her allotted curiosity for the time being. "You aren't just trying this on a whim, are you?" "What do you mean?" "You're taking on the role of an experienced detective from what Schanke told me. You have had enough training for this, right?" "Yeah. It's been a few years, but yeah, I have." She watched him stare blankly forward, almost looking like he was slowly zoning out. "Nick?" He turned sharply to her. "You know...Schanke doesn't seem to like you much. He hasn't since he first met you." "No, he doesn't. And I think the feeling is mutual." "Why don't you like him?" "Too much garlic, for one thing. He...kept offering me souvlaki, and food in general." "He mentioned that. And your car. He thinks it'll break down on you." "It won't. And...can we take care of this? Please?" She nodded and knelt next to the victim. Professional. They *were* working, but it bothered her a little the way he was saying everything without much emotion or enthusiasm. Maybe it was just the scene? The victim, a man, had been shot several times and had bled quite a bit before actually dying.... She turned back to Nick, his eyes already drawn to the liquid. He looked away, closing his eyes as he noticed her gaze. This was going to be interesting. If, as he hoped, it lasted. A vampire homicide detective...well, he had certainly taken her advice on taking a job one wouldn't expect to find a vampire, that's for sure. A vampire hunting down and arresting mortals that killed other mortals. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. "So, how are you doing with the job?" Natalie prodded a few weeks later, shortly after sunrise. She hoped to get more of a response than the near silence of her previous attempts, but no luck as of yet. "Nick, I know you're not doing very good at the crime scenes. And in here, for that matter. You've been on edge whenever you've come in here, more than usual." "It's nothing." "Nick, when your blood intake goes up by twenty percent in a single week, it's not nothing." She waited, but he didn't have anything to say to it. He was slipping backwards again. Badly. Slipping back even further than his little binge had taken him. And she was getting sick of it and his refusal to talk to her about it, let her try and figure out a way to help. "Nick, something's up. Something has changed." "Yes, something's changed, and I can't do anything about it. I'm around mortals constantly. Do you have any idea what it's like to be surrounded by dozens of heartbeats and have to ignore it? To be stuck with them and have excruciatingly bright lights shining down on you while trying to be productive? To be able to do absolutely nothing about it?" "No, I don't, but you can't go to the blood every time things get difficult, no matter the reason. You'll get accustomed to having more, and then you'll want more and it'll be harder to cut back." "You don't understand. You can't." "Nick, lis--" She stopped as he turned to leave. He was going to leave and end their conversation just like that. "No you don't, Nick. You're not walking off this time. Please. Just try, Nick. Try to explain it to me. Please try." "I can't! It's not something that I can explain to you." She moved to block his path as he turned toward the door again. He wasn't getting out of here without an actual end to the conversation. She wasn't going to allow it. "Then tell me something. You've had nearly a month, Nick. I can understand the small increases those first couple of weeks. But Nick, this last week is going to make it harder." "It'll be fine. It'll go down next week. I promise." She glared at him as he took a step toward the door. "Don't you dare." He was doing this *again*. He had promised it would get better every week for the past three weeks, and yet it didn't. If anything, it was getting worse. Every, single, week. His promises on this were becoming meaningless, something he hadn't seemed to realise just yet. And now, even though he hadn't walked out which she knew he could do, if he really wanted to, he was still avoiding her gaze. "Look at me, Nick." When he didn't, she reached out toward his face, compelling him to face her. Her hand was pushed away, far more forcefully than was necessary. When she saw his eyes, they were bright gold. He was angry at her or he wanted to scare her, but it wasn't going to work this time. She wouldn't let it. "Your blood intake was already up, Nick. And now you're drinking more than twice as much blood than you were when we started! That's not progress. I can't help you unless you're going to try, Nick. You've slipped more than even when you showed up at my place, drunk. And when you slipped this time, you fell down a very deep mine shaft." "And I can get out of it." "How? When? And then what will you do when you become mortal? Tell me that. If you can't learn to change things now, you're going to have a heck of a lot of trouble once you're mortal." "If, not when." "When, Nick. When. But not until you can make that change in your mindset, Nick. You have to think when, not if." She stepped to the side as he tried to walk around her. "No," she stated, shaking her head. "No, you're not leaving yet. I have more to say to you." "I'm leaving." "No, you're not. This is our scheduled time to work on this, Nick. My time. I'm not even on shift yet and you don't even work tonight." "So?" he asked, his eyes a deep amber, his tone curt. "Nick, please, just--" He pushed by her, reaching for the door. Her anger flared again. She was not going to let him leave like this again. She was not going to let him make an even more regular habit of it, not tonight. She grabbed his arm, pulling it in an attempt to get him to turn around and face her. And he did just that, in one quick motion, almost throwing her off balance. A second later, she found herself shoved against the wall, a hand wrapping tightly around her left wrist and pinning it in place. Next, Nick's other hand pushed her right shoulder to the wall, immobilising her. She instinctively gripped his arm with her free hand, which only caused him to use more force to keep her in place. She stared into his brightly shining eyes, only now realising just how far she had pushed him by stopping him, by touching him. He had let her see his eyes earlier for a reason. And she hadn't heeded it as the warning it was, but instead believed it to be him taunting her anger. But that's not what he'd been doing. Instead, he had been warning her he was too on edge to handle being physically urged or forced to do anything, but she missed it, ignored it. It was a mistake. "Nick, you--" "You know *nothing* about me or what I am!" he said, the volume barely more than a whisper, the words accentuated with harsh accents. "Then help me understand, Nick. Please. I want to--" "You *can't* understand. It is not possible. A mortal cannot understand without losing what makes.... I cannot make you understand, I can't...." Natalie tried to remain calm as he pressed her even more firmly against the wall. Her wrist was throbbing, and she was certain the pressure was just short of what was needed to break her bones; even her shoulder was starting to hurt where his hand pressed into it. Her pulse sped up, and she could feel her blood struggling through his tight grip, her hand now feeling slightly numb. But even so, it was his words that affected her most. His words were what kept her from fighting against him. "I'm doing my best, Natalie. I'm doing my best. I'm trying. I really am trying." The decrescendo of his words faded to near nothingness as he repeated the last once again, his voice sounding more tired than anything else. By the end, she had forgotten entirely about the growing pain. Nick *was* trying, and she could now feel his grip slowly loosening. And then, just as she opened her mouth to speak, to ask him if they needed to move slower or what would help...the door opened. Turning, she found Schanke staring at them, anger in his eyes. She watched him start toward Nick, probably with the intention of pulling Nick away from her. She shook her head. "Schanke, don't. Please don't." Abruptly, she found herself completely released. An instant later, Nick had already brushed by Schanke and was out the door. "That son of a--" "Schanke!" Natalie said, quickly grabbing Schanke's arm much like she had Nick's, her wrist hurting with the action, making her involuntarily flinch. But it successfully stopped him from going after Nick, which was what she intended. "I'm not letting him run off, Natalie." She continued to pull him back, then moved between him and the door. Even though she doubted Schanke could catch Nick, she had to keep him here, convince him not to tell anyone. "Please, don't. He wasn't intentionally trying to hurt me." "Sure looked otherwise." Natalie backed Schanke up further into the room. She swallowed as his gaze dropped to her wrist and he gently pulled it up between them. Her skin was quite red, and even his light touch on her forearm caused pain. "God, Natalie. I'm going to--" "Schanke, don't. It's not his fault, and I'll be fine." Natalie winced. The instant she said it, she knew she shouldn't have. "Not his.... Natalie, he just about broke your wrist by the looks of it. If I hadn't come by...Nat, he could have really hurt you." She pulled her arm away from his scrutiny. "But he didn't, and he wouldn't have. It really, truly is my fault, Schanke. Please, let me exp--" "No. No, no, no, no, this is not your fault, Natalie. It is not your fault. He's probably just one of those guys that--" "Schanke! No. Just listen to me. Please. I pushed him too far. Me. I'm the one that caused this, not Nick. I knew he might react the way he reacted, but I didn't care, I didn't think." "How he reacted? To what? What reason would someone have to do that?" Natalie closed her eyes, knowing Schanke was right. She had done almost the exact same thing to Schanke as she had Nick, and Schanke had been far more rational and controlled in his actions. Nick should have, theoretically, been fine. He shouldn't have gone for her. But then he had been trying to tell her he couldn't explain, that she wouldn't understand. And she hadn't, had she? "Schank--" "Nat, he had you pushed up against the wall! And your wrist.... And you were in pain, Natalie. I saw it. What I should do is I should tell Stonetree about this. I should go over there right now and tell him what happened." She instinctively shook her head. "No, don't. Nick doesn't need that. Besides, neither of us were on shift." "And you want to wait till he does this again?" "He won't. Schanke, he won't." "He's a rotten--" "He's under a lot of stress, Schanke. I pushed him when I shouldn't have. He gave me a *very* clear warning not to provoke him and I chose to ignore it. I chose. Not him, me. I let that warning feed my anger and I physically tried to prevent him from leaving when I knew it wouldn't do any good, when I knew I had already gone too far. I knew what might happen, and I grabbed his arm. I tried to physically make him do something that I knew full well he wouldn't let me do. I shouldn't have even tried it, he'd warned me it would be no use." "There was still no reason for him to--" "Schank, he warned me to not get in his way and, that if I did, he wouldn't respond kindly to it. I did exactly what he warned me not to do. Yes, he shouldn't have done what he did, but I shouldn't have forced the matter. I should have let it go. He's a nice guy, Schanke, but I stepped over the lines. Please, just let this go and give him a chance. You might even like him if you got to know him better." She watched the other seem to consider her explanation. She knew she could get him to do this, to believe her. She hoped he would. "Please. I don't think he'd purposely hurt me or anyone else. If he had wanted to hurt someone, he could have when you came in. But he left." She watched him slowly nod. But she needed more, and it was ask now or wait. "Schanke, I-I want you to get me his home address. I need to talk to him about this, and I think it would be better if it was away from either here or the precinct." "Natalie, I can't--" "Schanke, please do this. I know it's asking a lot, but I need you to get me his address." "No, Natalie. I'm not letting you go over there alone after this." "Schanke, you'll know exactly where I went if I don't show up to work tomorrow night, okay? And I'm not going over until after my shift. By then, he'll have had all night to think about this. Please, I need to talk to him, and if I don't go over there tomorrow it'll probably be a week or more before I get a chance. I really don't want to wait that long. I at least want to tell him I'm okay. Please, Schanke." "Yeah, okay. I'll get it." He was hesitant, not wanting to leave. "But I want you to call as soon as you get back home. And I want you to take every precaution. Got that?" She nodded. "Maybe get his address when you get to work in the morning? I don't want to tip him off that one of us might be coming. Please, it's important, and I think it'd be better to continue the conversation there than here." "Yeah, yeah, I'll do it. But I still don't like you going over there alone after what I saw. I mean, think of what he did to your wrist...and whatever else happened before I got in here tonight and other times you two have been alone. Or what might have happened if I hadn't come in when I did. I don't want you getting unnecessarily hurt." "He won't do anything to me, and he wouldn't have. Another few seconds and he would have released me. He had already started to when you came in." "How do you know what he would have done? What he will do? Natalie, you've what, known him less than two months? Some of the others think he's either not cut out for the job or are afraid of him. Not that that seems to bother him or the Captain." "Yeah, and you're one of them and it doesn't help matters." Natalie set her jaw. "Give him a chance, okay? Let me talk to him. He's just having a hard time adjusting to--" "He just transferred to us from Chicago, Natalie! He shouldn't have too much to adjust to. He's apparently studied Canadian law policies long before coming here, and he seems to know the city's layout better than a lot of the people that live here. He's no stranger to police work or to murder." She closed her eyes, thinking. Nick didn't make this easy for her, did he? Opening her eyes and focusing squarely on Schanke, she told him, "He's not used to moving, Schanke. He's not good at talking to other people, to new people." "Yeah, I noticed that." "I'm trying to help him with that. That's why I need his address and need to talk to him. It's something I need to do before his stress gets to him and he overreacts in somewhere far more public than here." By now, Schanke was more or less calm, which she was thankful for. And he even seemed somewhat understanding at her last words, her explanation apparently making enough sense to him. "I just want to make sure he's doing all right and try to help him, maybe give him a bit of a talk about what happened and that he shouldn't have run off like that, okay?" Schanke nodded. "Yeah, yeah. Okay. But if anything more happens, I want to know, Natalie. Because if he does this again and I don't get an explanation, I will go to Stonetree and Knight'll be in for quite a talk. Assuming, of course, he doesn't manage to talk his way out of it, which I won't bother putting forward." "Of course I'll tell you if something happens." "Like tonight? You wouldn't have said anything to anyone. You're too trusting of him. I can see it, and I'll bet if you were a little less all-trusting of him that, perhaps, tonight would have turned out different." Too trusting. Natalie tensed, hearing it from Schanke. Nick had told her that on several occasions and she had believed it to just be him. But now she wasn't sure. Maybe she was too trusting of him? In a way, that's how this happened. She had trusted that despite Nick's near loss of control, despite his clear warning and his generally good nature that he wouldn't, couldn't hurt her. And this time, she had paid for it. "I'll give you a call after I get in and get the address, okay?" She nodded. "I'll be here." "Just...take care, okay? Take lots of care. And please call me when you get home to let me know how things go, all right?" "I'll call. And you won't say anything to either Nick or Stonetree, right? And you won't corner Nick and threaten him if you run into him when you leave tomorrow night?" She waited and, after several seconds, she received a hesitant nod. "Yeah, yeah. I won't say anything about it to them. But I will if I get even a whiff of more like this." "Thanks, Schank." She watched him force a partial smile and leave. Once alone, she went to her desk, sat down, and closed her eyes. Her shoulder and wrist were throbbing just as bad now as before when Nick had her pinned to the wall. She moved her left wrist around, wincing slightly at the sharp increase in pain. No bones were broken, but she sure got a good reminder that she was dealing with something-- someone--far more dangerous than her typical patients. Elusive Gains - Natalie - (09/26) Once she had arrived at the address Schanke had given her, Natalie had approached the building, and eventually found a button that looked showed some promise. She pushed it, hoping that it was an intercom or similar--and that it worked. She had already passed-off a nearby keypad, likely Nick's alarm system, but just because he had the keyed entry didn't mean the intercom worked. It just meant he wanted to ensure he kept others out...which she could see, considering he more or less lived in a warehouse. Natalie closed her eyes for a second. Nick hadn't come back by the morgue that night, something she had hoped he might do although she certainly hadn't expected. Then morning arrived, and soon after came Schanke's call, urging her to take great care when she went over to talk to him. By the time she reached the end of her shift, her emotions had become mixed to the point she couldn't focus or think straight. She was afraid; both of Nick and that she would again push him too far. Schanke's fear had fuelled her anger, to the point that she had prepared a backup plan of sorts. And yet, she wasn't afraid of Nick. Nor was she angry with him. She was, however, frustrated and confused. Nick *wanted* her to help him and he *was* trying. That much she knew. But his behaviour.... She was torn how to read the situation. Had Nick merely lost control? If so, why? And why not tell her? She knew he was still keeping something from her. If he wanted her to help him, why did he keep doing this? Sometimes, she wondered if Nick really knew what he wanted. By now, she had already pushed the button several times, enough to wonder if it was even working. Still, no one had answered, and then she pressed it a few more times, back to back. She didn't care if Nick was sleeping or not. He was going to talk to her, and he was going to tell her precisely what had happened and why. And if he didn't answer soon, she was going to enter some random numbers into that keypad.... "How did you get my address?" she abruptly heard, less than a minute later. "Let me in, Nick." She waited, but he didn't say anything, nor did he buzz her in. "Damn it, Nick. Let me in now or I'm going to have Schanke explain to Stonetree what he saw. Now, Nick!" A few seconds later, the door clicked and she went for the handle, pulling it quickly open. "Take the elevator up to the second level." She swallowed. His words didn't sound particularly thrilled that she had come. But she would do ask asked, and, once inside, she slid the door for the elevator open to find herself standing in a freight elevator. And hitting the button for the second level, Natalie discovered it sounded and felt as awful as it looked. She could barely believe anyone would live here, even Nick. Or could she? It made her anxiously finger the tranquilliser dart in her hand. The dart had been a precaution, more to ensure nothing happened to cause Schanke further curiosity than to put her own thoughts at ease. Her mind would only be at ease after she talked to Nick. The dart had primarily been a product of her building anger and a full shift in the morgue, thinking. Somehow, it just made sense to bring it. But the closer she had gotten to Nick's, the more she was afraid that it was a mistake to have brought it. She was afraid that Nick would make her use it. Or worse, that she wouldn't have the chance to do so or that she would have to explain it to Nick. How could she explain it, really? Explain that even though she had brought it that she had no real intention or hope that she would have to use it on him? How would he react to it, if he discovered it? She didn't even know if the dart's contents would work on him, considering that in a human, a mortal, the effects didn't last more than a few minute and that via Nick vampires seemed to heal and recover quickly from just about anything. But it worked almost instantly, and if something happened, that's what she needed. Or, that's what she had thought at the time. What chance, really, would she even have of using it assuming she even tried or wanted to? Even with her uncertainty about bringing the dart, it was now too late to change that. She had it with her, had it in her hand. It was even too late to put it away, as the elevator had now come to a halt. And then she jumped as the door was jerked open. Nick was right there, glaring at her as if she had no right to be there. And it was far too late to change her mind about the dart now, even as she remained uncertain if he had only lost control or he had, possibly, meant to react as he had. "Why have you come here?" he snapped. "Why are you so angry, Nick?" When he just glared at her, she asked, "What happened earlier? Please, I want to know. I wanted to know earlier, but.... Please, Nick. Tell me what's going on." "I've already told you--since I've been working, I've been around far more mortals than I'm used to." "But why now? Why not a few weeks ago, like perhaps after that first case? You were uneasy then, yes, but nothing like you were last night. Nothing." She watched him turn away from her and walk further inside. Only now did she get to see much of his home. And when she did, she had more curiosity about it, and about Nick, for that matter. The baby-grand piano was the most attention-drawing item, and she glanced at it before forcing her focus back on Nick. "Talk to me, Nick." When he looked back at her, she asked, "What haven't you told me? Perhaps about your blood intake?" "I...lied to you," he said, again glancing away for a few seconds. "I lied about my blood intake, not how much I had been drinking, but what. I was drinking human blood that first week when I started at the precinct. I...had to. The next weeks, I started to switch back, drinking less human blood and more cow's blood, but I kept going back to the human blood. And then this last week I went back to cow's blood. Completely. That's why the amounts jumped up. That's why I'm on edge. That's...." "Nick?" "It was too much, too fast. I can't just instantly switch back, instantly cut it all back. If I did, I'd just slip, making matters even worse. So, I had to drink more of the cow's blood to compensate. Hence the increased amount of blood." "Why didn't you tell me? You need to write *everything* down. Correctly. Type and amount, Nick. I told you that." "I knew it would disappoint you. I didn't want you to think I didn't care." "And you thought lying to me about it wouldn't? That that would somehow be better?" "I thought I could do it. I thought that, just maybe, you wouldn't notice, that-" "Do I look like an idiot? I'm a doctor. I'm trained to notice things like this. And I didn't spend all of medical school in the morgue, you know. I have had live patients before. And I want a better explanation. Now, why did you lie? Why didn't you just tell me, Nick?" "I wouldn't have been able to explain it to you. The blood is...it's complicated." "I would have listened, even if I couldn't fully understand what you were telling me. You know that. And you've done a good job at explaining things so far today--something you should have done last night, or better yet back when this first started." He diverted his attention for a moment. "Nick, I want to help you. But I can't unless I can have some level of trust from you. You can't lie to me like this. What we're doing, it can't be one-sided." "And I can't allow it. I can't allow myself to trust you. And you should not trust me like you have." "Is that why you did what you did? To make me afraid of you? Like at first how you tried pushing me away?" She stepped closer to him. "It's not going to work, Nick. You've done all but permanently injure me, and I seriously doubt you'll go that far. You can't afford it. You might lose my help then, and you know that. And I know it too." She watched as he turned back at her for a second, then again walked away from her. "Some of your co-workers are afraid of you, too. Is that what you want? Everyone to fear you? And then what will you do when you're mortal? No one's going to want to back you up and you'll get killed. Or, worse, they'll not trust you and not be where you think they are, and they'll be the one to die. And you don't have to be mortal for that to happen. Nick, unless you trust others and let them trust you, you will hurt someone. Is that what you want?" "You know I don't." "Do I? You know, I'm not so sure sometimes. Much more pressure and I'm sure you would have broken my wrist." "And?" he asked, his back still turned toward her. She set her jaw, and then Nick abruptly turned toward her. She took a step back as he walked back to her. But only one. "And?" His eyes were golden again. Whether from anger or an attempt to scare her, she didn't care. She wasn't going to let him frighten her. Calmly, she told him, "The bottom line is that I can't help you unless you trust me. And it has to be real trust, Nick, not whatever you think you've been giving me. I'm sorry, but I can't." He seemingly ignored her words, reaching for her left wrist. She stepped back, pulling her arm away from him. Another step back and she found herself spun much like just over a month ago in her apartment. He pulled her right wrist behind her back, the dart's point being shoved into her hand. She gasped as Nick grabbed her other wrist, but not from pain. She was starting to go numb and barely felt his rough grip on the bruised flesh. "Those I trust die, Doctor. That's what happens to them. Either by my own hand or by another's. They die. Is that what you want?" She fell back into Nick, unable to support herself any longer. She felt herself turned around, trapped as if inside a doll, at which she saw his eyes lock onto the dart stuck in her hand, her hand no longer obscured by her coat. He was stunned. She could see it as she tried to grasp onto something without control of her muscles. Then everything slipped away into unconsciousness.... *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Groggily, Natalie woke only to find herself dizzy before even trying to sit up. The light was on in the room--somewhat modern and sparsely decorated--and by her guess, it was Nick's bedroom. Or a bedroom, in any case. She rolled onto her side, having to pull the comforter free to completely turn. Nick had taken off her coat, jacket, and shoes. Reaching up to her neck, she found he had even unbuttoned the top buttons of her blouse. She scanned the room for a clock, quickly spotting the glaring red numbers of an alarm clock. It was almost noon. She had been out for nearly an hour. And she was tired, but not from the drug--she had been awake for nearly twenty hours by the time she arrived at Nick's. She felt like she had a hangover and that's when she remembered why she hated anaesthesia, particularly the first moments. Specifically that it blurred everything and made it impossible to control what was happening. She no longer even remembered, precisely, the last thing Nick had said; but she did remember the harsh tones he had been speaking with. Slowly, she sat up and pushed the covers down. Nick wasn't there watching, as she had half-expected. However, as she shifted, she saw him appear in the doorway out of the corner of her eye just before the light flipped on, practically blinding her. Turning to him, she saw a combination of anger and concern. He approached her, holding the empty tranquilliser dart out in front of him. "You were this afraid of me?" he said, his words a soft whisper. "Nick, ah, no, not exactly, but...." What could she say? Everything, she had to, and she told him, "But I did bring it, Nick. Perhaps because Schanke mentioned I should take precautions, perhaps it was my anger that you wouldn't tell me what was going on.... But, Nick, I didn't think I'd genuinely need it, I didn't think you'd give me a reason to use it." She could see his harsh, angry features locked on her, telling her nothing of his thoughts on what she was telling him. "Nick, if I was genuinely afraid of you, I wouldn't have bothered to come." He looked away, just for a second. "Was I wrong?" "No. No, you weren't wrong. I wouldn't have hurt you. I was...I was stunned when-- And yes, you are right that I do still want you to help me. And that's what you came here for, isn't it? You were still willing to continue. You truly, simply wanted an explanation, wanted to help. You wanted to understand...." "Yes." "I'm sorry for this, Natalie." She watched him turn around and head for the door. "Nick, I--" He turned back. "Sleep, Doctor. Rest." He continued toward the door, turning out the light and closing the door. Natalie sat there in the dark, not sure what to make of his reaction and his soft, emotionless words. They bothered her. But in the dark room, her drowsiness started to again take over. She didn't want to sleep, but what choice did she have? She was tired, and Nick obviously wasn't going to let their conversation continue until she slept. If he let it continue at all. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Several hours later, Natalie again woke only to be enveloped in a faint scent that reminded her of Nick. And then, realising where she was, that she was still at Nick's, she quickly sat up. The clock now said it was almost nine, and the sun would certainly be down. She slowly got up and out of the bed and walked across the room to where she vaguely remembered the door to be, to where she had seen Nick hours earlier. Fumbling for the doorknob, she eventually found it and pulled the door open. The lights were on below, and she squinted down to where she found Nick in the kitchen, already dressed and taking a sip from a blood- filled wine glass. It was the first time she had seen him drink any blood in front of her since that first night they had met. "I'll take you to your apartment and then to work," he said without looking up at her. She stepped over to the balcony and held onto the bar tightly. No, he wasn't going to do this. He wasn't going to end this. Not now. "You don't have--" "Yes, I do. It's my fault; I'll take you. You probably shouldn't drive." "Nick, I--" "When do you need to be at work?" "Uh, not until midnight, but Nick, I'll be fine." "I want to at least drive you home. I'm sure you want to leave here." "Nick...." She watched him turn away and drink more out of his glass. Her eyes followed him as he paused, took another drink and finished the glass off, and then quickly walked over to the sink and rinsed the glass out. He didn't like her watching him. She walked along the balcony to the stairs and slowly descended them. "Please, Nick, I'm sorry, but--" He turned sharply toward her. "Don't apologise. You have no reason to apologise. Your things are down here. We can leave immediately, if you would like?" She shook her head and, once to the bottom of the stairs, Natalie headed straight toward him. "I'll stay until you need to go to work." She continued until she was standing within his reach and waited, wondering what he would do, if anything. When he reached hesitantly toward her left arm, her wrist, she held it up for him and let him pull her sleeve back and roll it gently down. The skin had bruised and was now a blotchy greenish brown. "I did this to you. I didn't realise...." His words were so simple, so soft. He truly hadn't wanted to hurt her, perhaps didn't even know until he had taken her up to his room, unconscious. "Yes, and I know why, Nick. It's both our faults, and more mine than yours. And it will heal. So forget about it." His hands dropped away from her hand, and as he took a step back, he turned his head slightly down and to the side. She stepped forward and, taking a deep breath, used her left hand to guide his face back to her. She was surprised when he didn't stop her, but actually looked to her and then leaned into the touch. "Nick, please, let me be your friend. More than just your doctor, but a friend. And let others in. You can't both push humanity away and strive for it. It won't work," she said, and his hands came up and lightly wrapped around her bruised hand and forearm, pulling it away from his face. "It hasn't worked, but you can change that." "How can you keep giving me another chance? And why? I don't understand it." Her eyes dropped to his hands, his gentle half-touch not even bothering her bruises he was so careful. "And I don't understand why you're so determined to scare me off, Nick. I don't think it's in your nature." "My nature is to kill." She shook her head. Why did he have to keep insisting that? "No, not the nature of the vampire, of what you are, but your nature, Nick. Your personality. What you are is separate from who you are." "How can you be sure? How can you be so very sure?" "Because I'm still alive and my wrist isn't broken. And because you still want to do this, you still want to be mortal. I know you do. If you didn't, I'm sure we'd be well on the way to my apartment. We wouldn't still be discussing this." He pulled away from her, and she shook her head. "Nick, *you* are not a killer. Do you truly believe you would even consider the possibility of becoming mortal if you were?" "You really think I can? Be mortal, be human? I mean, not just the scientific aspect of it, but everything?" "Yes. And you already are human." "Am I? Perhaps...but flawed. Very flawed, as I'm sure you've noticed." "So am I, Nick. Humans are flawed. But I can try to make you a better person, too, if that's what you want?" He nodded, ever so slightly smiling, and said, "I'd like that. If you will still help me, after this." She looked down as he gestured to her bruise, then met his gaze. "And what about the tranquilliser? I might not have planned on using it, but I brought it, Nick. And I had it out in my hand." "I don't blame you for bringing it. I gave you plenty of reason, didn't I? Both last night and in the past." Natalie didn't comment, couldn't. She wasn't the only one that had given this a lot of thought. "You brought it so you could, maybe, get away if I tried something, even if only a few minutes, or seconds. But the intention was not to harm me." "How do you know that?" "For one, you're still alive. Second, its primary effects wore off in about fifteen minutes and you went into a more natural sleep. You probably had no idea if it would even work on me. It was a short- action barbiturate, yes?" Her lips parted slightly at the correctness of his statement. He cracked a half-smile. "I've been a doctor, remember?" "Yeah, but when? Where?" "On and off, here and there. Often--" "Often what?" "Often during war time." At that, an awkward moment passed, where neither said a word. "So you're not, ah, angry?" she eventually asked, still surprised at the added detail of his last answer. "I vaguely remember seeing a hint of it when I woke up that first time." "No, I'm not angry. Perhaps a little, then, but not at you. I didn't think I'd pushed you that far...far enough to even consider something like that. But then it was part instinct, wasn't it? To bring it? And I know what instinct can do, how strong it can be." "I didn't think I'd need it. I'd planned to walk out with it still in my hand. Or, better yet, in my coat or--" "I'm sorry, Natalie, I didn't know about it. You did well at concealing it from me. And yes, like you believe, I had no wish to physically hurt you. Not here, today, and not last night." "I know." "I have to tell you that I was not fully in control, Natalie, not last night. I didn't realise...I didn't know I had hurt you, or not that badly. And if we continue, despite my...good intentions, there is the possibility that I might harm or kill you. I could have done far more than simply bruise you." Once again, Natalie had nothing she could think to say. She nearly told him that she understood the risks. And while she did, she knew it might just give him one more reason he shouldn't work with her. "What are you going to tell Schanke about this? About today?" "Nothing," she told him, truthfully. "Nothing?" "Nothing. He knows I came here to talk to you, and that's all he needs to know happened." "And if he comes to me?" She shrugged her shoulders. "Make something up and try to be his friend." "Natalie...." "You can't go around making everyone hate you." "Why not?" She saw his faint smile and returned it as she said, "Well, for one it probably uses up valuable energy." "And?" "And that's your next prescription. Let others in, Nick. Let them be your friend if they want to be, okay? It'll do you some good." He looked at her sceptically. "I'm serious, Nick. If nothing else, think of it as getting into the holiday spirit a bit early. Be happy and others will be too." "Natalie, Christmas isn't for another month. And I'm a vampire, remember? It's not exactly the most friendly holiday for me." She wasn't sure what to make of his tone. Was he being entirely serious, or slightly joking? His expression was a mixture between the two. "Well, you don't have to do anything in particular, Nick. I just suggested you get into the mood. It's a happy time of year, or should be. I just want you to try to be friendlier to people, okay? Try, and please, please, please tell me when you have trouble with things and don't assume it's going to piss me off, like you seem to think." "I'm sorry, Natalie. I didn't want you to know. I don't like disappointing you." She gave him a light smile, but he didn't return it, his expression saddening, if anything. Sad and completely serious. "So, ah, when do you need to be at work?" She watched him glance at a clock, and then give her a faintly sheepish smile. "What? When?" "Half an hour ago." "Nick...." "I wanted to make sure you would be okay. It's fine. I called and said something came up, that I'd be in as soon as I could." Natalie, having spotted her jacket, coat, and shoes, quickly put them on. Nick kept his gaze averted, as if it was wrong to watch her. She wished she could say something, but what could she? Really? She truly knew just about nothing about him, as in who he was, not what he was. "Don't you have to get ready for work?" He shook his head. "I did. Earlier, before you got up." She looked his clothes over, noticing his shirt was a different colour. But, otherwise, he looked the same. Sometime she would have to try to brighten that up a little. Eventually, anyway. She watched him gather his things--which consisted solely of a long black trench coat and his keys. He waited silently for her, and she suspected the silence would remain until he drove her home. "I want you to tell me something about you that I don't know at least once a week. And I mean about you, not about what you are," she told him somewhat abruptly. "Starting this week." "Starting next week. And I'll need your keys." She pulled them out of her pocket, but as she held them out, pulled them back just before he took them. "How are you going to get to work then?" "I'll manage. I can call a cab or something." She watched him shrug, but could see a twinkle in his eyes. From what, she wasn't sure. "Just don't tell me you're going to drive my car to work and then pick me up later...." "No, I'm just going to drive you to your apartment." She held on to the keys. "At least let me pay for a cab, then. I could even take one back to my apartment if you'd rather not take me." "No. And I'll get to work fine, Doctor." "I thought you'd fixed that." "*Natalie,*" he said with a slight bow and a mild smile. She managed a reciprocating smile and held out the keys again. "I want to know something new about you on the way to my apartment, though." He took the keys from her and his smile vanished. "Even something little. Anything." Her eyes followed him as he headed toward the elevator. "Please?" "Not now. Please." He smiled slightly. "I'll tell you two things next week, okay?" Natalie nodded, but closed her eyes. Why did she have the feeling this wasn't going to work out like she hoped? "That's okay, Nick." "And Natalie, please don't think you have to defend yourself around me. You don't. I'm sorry I made you doubt me. I really am." She opened her mouth to reply, but he turned and pulled open the elevator, the sound of metal sliding against metal making her stiffen. He didn't want to talk. And, frankly, she didn't feel like trying to get him to right now. Her head was pounding and she knew she would need a little more rest before going to work. She walked by him and stepped into the elevator. Elusive Gains - Natalie - (10/26) Arriving at the morgue and heading toward her desk, Natalie was stunned to find someone sitting at it, waiting for her. "Schanke, what are you doing here? It's late and you should be home by now." "Don't worry, I'm just here for a few minutes," he said as he stood and walked around the desk. "I'm here because you said you'd call to let me know how things went and that you were fine. But you didn't. So, I tried calling you, both at home and here. I even called the precinct after I got home, and I found out Knight came in late. And then I checked to see when you were supposed to- You know, you look awful." "I'm sorry I didn't call. I didn't get a lot of sleep, and--" She stopped, noticing he was staring at her, looking her over, almost as if he was trying to find something else wrong. "I'm really okay, Schanke. I'm fine." "What happened?" "We talked." "You stayed over there all day, didn't you?" Natalie pursed her lips at his accusatory tone. "Is there something wrong with that?" "Well, no, not really...." "Like I said, we talked." "I just...after what I saw last night, I'm a bit worried. You understand, right?" He glanced down to her wrist. "I want to see your wrists. Both of them." "Schanke, I--" She cut herself off as he reached for her hands, wincing as his hand made contact with her tender wrist. He held them up; one in all its greenish-brown and black glory, the other spotless other than where the needle had stabbed her. He dropped that hand, thankfully seeing nothing seriously wrong with it, focusing only on the very colourful bruises of the other. "My God, Natalie...." She pulled her left hand away, averting her eyes in preparation for whatever else he was going to say. "I really don't like this, Natalie. I don't like the hold he seems to have over you." She snapped her gaze back to him, surprised at the statement. Nick have a hold over her? Yes, she was helping him, and perhaps to Schanke it seemed like Nick was forcing her to help him, but if anyone had a hold over the other, it was her. She was the one that had what Nick wanted. "Trust me, he doesn't have a hold over me." "Then tell me what's going on. Please, Natalie. You've only been here a couple of years, but you know we think of you like one of our own. I couldn't let something happen to you, and that's what I'm afraid of." "We're friends." "You're what?" "Friends," she restated, wondering what Nick would think and, for that matter, do if and when he heard about it. Yes, she had suggested it to Nick, but she had no idea if he would take her up on it or not. And just because Nick might, perhaps, let her be a friend to him, it did not mean he wanted that friendship widely known. "I thought you were his doctor, just his doctor." "I'm both." "Wait a minute...does his behaviour have something to do with what you're treating him for, or how you're treating him? Something he's taking, or about him coming to work...? Is that why you won't tell me anything? Because you can't?" Not having much choice and hoping it would maybe keep the other from prodding this too much, she answered, "It's...something like that, Schanke." "Well, I'm still going to tell someone if something like this happens again. And you know full well why. I still don't think you're acting right to whatever's going on, but...." She nodded. She understood it, all right. And at the same time, she had to do what she could to prevent attention from being drawn to Nick. The problem was, unless Nick started relaxing, attention was going to be right on both of them. As Schanke seemed calmer than when she had arrived, she told him, "He did nothing to hurt or scare me, or anything else for that matter. I'm still a bit concerned, but I don't think he'll do that again anytime soon. It was too much converging all at one time." Out of the other's line of sight, she crossed her fingers. To hope both that she was right, and that the other would take her word for it. "You're positive?" She gave him a smile and nodded again. "He's just as concerned as you are about what happened. I talked to him, and we're working on it. And yes, as long as I don't over do it again like I did, I'll be fine." He eyed her uncertainly. "Okay, I just, well, I wanted to check in on you...and I still don't like you blaming yourself for this." "I'm not. I'm just taking responsibility for what I did. I provoked him. If it helps, Nick's blaming himself even more. And I'm the one offering to help him--he is not forcing me to continue, or even asking. It's my choice, and I've considered this far more than either you or he might think." "He's...." She could still see his worry and concern, his own preoccupation with what he had seen the night before, and his hesitancy to drop the topic. Which meant that if this happened again, Schanke could end up being big trouble. "See you around, Nat--and please, please take care." She nodded, more to herself than Schanke as he had already left, and continued with putting her things down and getting ready to start her shift. She felt fine other than wanting sleep, but that would have to wait, she knew. At least she didn't have an autopsy to do tonight. There should be nothing too stressful or attention draining. Thankfully. "You lied." Natalie spun at the voice, her heart pounding all the way up into her throat as she faced Nick. "You didn't have to lie to him." She shook her head. "No, Nick, I did. I'm not going to let him try to get you fired. And besides, it wasn't much of a lie." "You lied about me not hurting or scaring you. I did both." "Unintentionally." "Intentionally. Earlier today I had wanted to scare you to get you to consider staying at a distance." "But you were concerned." "Of course I was concerned!" She took a step back seeing the hint of anger in his mostly blue eyes. "I didn't know what you'd put in that dart; it could have been fatal to you as far as I knew. It was so quick, I wasn't sure at first." "And you still are concerned." "You still lied. What concern have I shown over what happened last night?" She prepared to answer, but couldn't think of anything concrete he had done. Nothing he couldn't just pass off. "You showed it, Nick." "I haven't. Your question of if I was angry told me your reaction to my attitude." "Are you trying to say you weren't even a little concerned you might have done more than scare me when you left here last night? A little concerned I shouldn't drive home?" She watched him struggle with an answer. "You were concerned, Nick. Whether or not you admit it, you were. Even if you weren't consciously aware of it, you were concerned. You're too concerned right now to not have been then." His stance loosened slightly at her words. "You don't have to say anything." About to say more, she followed him as he backed up toward the door, where he pulled it open and paused. "Thanks, Natalie." And then he was gone before she had the opportunity to reply with anything. But she was pleased. Nick had, surprisingly, thanked her. She half expected their conversation to turn into a full-blown argument, but it didn't. Except maybe over if he was concerned or not. She shivered slightly. It bothered her some that Nick had listened in. If he hadn't come in, she would have never suspected he had heard anything of what she had told Schanke. Just how many times had he eavesdropped on her conversations? And then there was the question of his reaction to what she had said. That they were, supposedly, friends. Nick hadn't even mentioned that. Or her response to Schanke's wonderings on why Nick might have acted the way he had. Maybe he hadn't heard that part. But she suspected he had. And if he did, she wanted to know why he kept silent. Did he accept her explanations as simply that--explanations to give to Schanke--or did he perhaps take her statement about being friends as a truth and didn't say anything because he accepted that as well? If only she could understand him more. Even just a little. If only she could understand why he was so reluctant to be himself, why he thought it better to hide who he was from her and others. Sadly, she wondered if he would ever be capable of doing that before he vanished, never to be heard from by her again. Elusive Gains - Natalie - (11/26) A bit over a week later, Natalie found herself hesitating before punching Nick's alarm code into the security pad. She frankly didn't feel comfortable going up without him buzzing her in, but he had told her to. It was just...odd for him to abruptly have and allow her to do this. That morning, she had found a message on her machine when she got home from work: Nick had left his alarm code on it and had calmly told her to come over to his place with her bag. But he didn't tell her exactly why. Just that 'it would be nice' if she came over when she got home from work. She punched in the numbers, pulled open the door, and took in a deep breath. Once in the elevator and on her way up, Natalie pulled her bag in front of her and gripped the handles with both hands. When the motor came to a halt, she was surprised he didn't pull open the door like last time. It took her a second to get pass that, at which she cautiously opened the door. And Nick wasn't right there waiting for her, or even nearby. She stepped in, surprised at the low light--just a table lamp--as the other time it was darker than an average room, but there had still been plenty of light to see by. Tonight, she could just barely make out Nick's face, and the shadows made her wonder just what mood he was in. She couldn't see his expression clearly, but she felt a shiver run through her as his gaze followed her approach. His clothes didn't help, either; the fancy robe and satin pants shining softly in the light. Natalie managed a smile, hoping to break his hard gaze. "What did you need this for?" she said, pulling her bag up a little as she spoke. "I have a minor...inconvenience." "You didn't get shot or something, did you?" she asked, expecting that he was very probably going to say he had. But he just gave her a haphazard smile. "Besides, I thought you said those things don't hurt?" "They don't. It's just a tad annoying...and might set off a metal detector if it's metal, so I'd rather have it removed." "And...?" She waited, but he didn't elaborate. "It is a bullet, isn't it? You got shot and--" "I got shot *at*. And no, it's not a bullet. It didn't feel like a bullet." "Okay, then what is it?" "I don't know." "You don't know." She closed her eyes to avoid rolling them. How could he not know? "It's not wood, I'm sure of that. I...think it might be glass. A, uh, window shattered." She raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. "Where?" She followed him as he stood and went to the kitchen. He turned on the overhead lights and she flinched back at the abrupt introduction of more light. "Hopefully the wound is still somewhat visible." She didn't like the sound of that. 'Somewhat' was not a good descriptor. Certainly not when coupled with 'hopefully'. Natalie pursed her lips as he pulled one of the chairs out from the table, turned it around and sat in it, then leaned forward against the back of the chair for a moment. Once he was situated, she watched him pull one arm out of the robe, at which she asked, "What am I looking for?" "Whatever looks...newly healed." She put her bag on the table and glanced back at him. "Nick...." "I can't help it." "And I thought you said something about things usually passing right through you." "That's why I don't think it's a bullet. A bullet would have passed through me, this didn't. You'll probably need to do a bit more than just pulling it out. It's not too deep, but it is completely beneath the skin." Natalie pulled out a pair of forceps and, very reluctantly, a scalpel. She watched his reaction, which was nothing. He really was going to have her cut him. She took in a breath, and then walked around him. Nothing stood out on his skin. Of what she could see--far more than he had ever allowed in the past--every bit of his right side from shoulder to waist was flawless. Reminding herself she was here to remove a foreign object, she continued her examination. No visible scars of any kind, no other marks, and certainly nothing that looked like it had just healed. "I think you're going to need to help me out here, Nick." "About here," he told her, reaching one hand around and pressing lightly near the bottom of his shoulder blade. "It's about an inch over and up from there. You should be able to feel it, I think." Gently, she ran her fingers over the area he indicated. The skin was cool and smooth, but unmistakably there was something hard imbedded under the surface. As an afterthought, she retrieved a pair of examining gloves from her bag and put them on. She probably didn't need them, but she put them on anyway. She removed the scalpel from its package and moved the blade toward his skin, but pulled back before making an incision when Nick ever so slightly moved. It was just enough to remind her that she was going to cut into something living. "This might hurt a bit, and Nick, please don't move." "It won't hurt." She stopped again, just about to slice into his skin as he glanced back at her. She nearly snapped at him, but his teasing grin put a halt to that and she couldn't help but smile back. Once more she went to make the cut, but she stopped again, realising he was certainly going to bleed. "Uh, Nick, you have anything I could use to wipe the blood away with?" she asked, now very glad she had decided to put the gloves on. "It'll be fine." Natalie slowly let out her breath, a bit annoyed. But...it was Nick's clothes that would get blood on them, and if he didn't care about that, well, that worked. "Just...sit still, then, okay?" He nodded to her, and then did as told. Feeling for the object again, she quickly broke the skin, blood slowly oozing down from the wound. He didn't react in the slightest to her action. Nor did he when she made another cut in order to free the object, nor as she removed what turned out to be a shard of glass. "What was it?" "A piece of glass." She looked it over, wondering if there would be more information about what Nick was and how his system worked as it undoubtedly had more than just blood cells on it. But Nick wouldn't like her using it, she didn't think. And by the time she got to the morgue, anything interesting would probably be gone.... She looked away from the glass as Nick turned around to face her. "What should I do with it?" "Just rinse it off and throw it out." "And it didn't hurt at all?" He just smiled back at her. He had previously told her he didn't feel pain with most injuries, especially with minor ones like this. But no pain whatsoever? She went and got rid of the glass, washed the blood off her gloves and her instruments, tossed the gloves, washed her hands, and then, once she finally started back to Nick, his robe was again wrapped around him with just a small triangle of pale flesh peeking through in the front. "You know, I don't think I've ever seen you in a short-sleeved shirt. Not even over the summer." "And?" "Just an observation." She watched his expression turn a little rougher. He didn't like that. She shrugged, as if it was nothing. "You just seem a bit reluctant to show any skin whatsoever," she said while putting her things away, not meeting his eyes. Then, as a second thought she turned and looked straight at him. "Not even to your doctor, who's trying to help you." He just stared at her, not reacting in the slightest to her words. "Come here and turn around, Nick. I want to see how it's healing." "It's healed." "Then let me see it." He still didn't move. "Come on, Nick...." At first, she thought he was going to refuse, but then watched him sit back down and again reveal the right side of his back. She approached, mouth agape at the perfect skin. There was no sign of her ever having cut his skin. Even the blood was gone. She ran her fingers over where she had cut him, and it was smooth. And once more she marvelled at there being no sign that he had ever been injured. He twisted to look back at her, and she looked up. "I told you that it had healed." "I-I see that." She took a step to the side as he stood, pulling the robe back into place. "Why isn't there any blood?" "Because of what I am." "Yes, but...your body actually pulled the blood back in." "Yes. And you've seen that before. It shouldn't be a surprise." "I have? When?" "The night we met." He walked around her to stand behind her and whispered into her ear, "I'm sure you saw something. Explosions are very messy when it comes to the victims...." "You...." Natalie closed her eyes, memories filling her vision. She remembered the gurney being brought in, blood visible right from the start. Blood leaked out of the bag as she and Eddie moved it to the examination table. Explosion...bomb...face...not much...to look at...not much...and then just circled right back to the explosion. Why? Who? They couldn't find any ID. Explosion. She watched the zipper on the bag open calmly, the hands opening it stiff and nervous, fearful of what would be revealed. But she couldn't feel anything she was doing. She pulled it open and just about the most angelic and beautiful face lay oddly still before her. It was somewhat battered, a long gash sliced into the dirt-covered skin, but she barely saw the injury, just the man. That's not so bad. Not so bad at all.... "I'm sure you noticed there wasn't any blood left in the body bag after I left." She jumped slightly, shrugging away from the light touch on her shoulders as her skin tingled at the memory. Turning, she faced the same face she had that night, his expression close to that first time she had seen him, so very calm. "I'm sure you noticed. You're a doctor. A coroner. As you've told me, your profession is to notice things." "I noticed," she whispered. And she had noticed. But she had also filed it away. "I didn't understand it then. I...." Natalie took a deep breath. "I wasn't sure how much I remembered right, if I had really seen the blood." "You know now." "Yes, I do." She watched him as he walked to the refrigerator, pulled open the door, and then shut it. She didn't say anything, knowing whether he fed now or after she left, he would still feed. There was nothing she could do. And, by his expression, there was nothing he could do about it, either. "Nick--" "I am doing better at the precinct." Natalie managed a smile. Yes, he was doing better, but.... She knew the change of subject was deliberate, and she was going to take full advantage of it. "You know, you could go to one of the precinct functions sometime." "Most are during the day." She knew he was going to say that. But she had thought this over before and already had a solution. "The charity dinner next month isn't. Yeah, that involves more than just the 27th precinct, but..." She watched him turn away, his reaction due to more nervousness than anything else. She was beginning to get his reactions. If he didn't answer, usually he was trying to avoid disappointing her. Either that, or she was right. "I'll go with you, okay?" "It's a dinner." "And?" "And I can't exactly eat anything, remember?" She couldn't believe this. He seemed to think of everything whenever she suggested something. "Oh, come on, Nick! You've been a vampire since the first part of the thirteenth century. I'm sure you've had to pretend through a few dinners since then?" "Maybe I haven't. Maybe I'm just not that kind of person." "I doubt it. When you do interact with people, you seem to like it. I've seen it when you're working. I've seen you smile a couple of times." "Maybe it's a show." "No, I don't think it is." He looked away from her, not answering. "I'm going to head home, I guess." She slowly gathered her things and he didn't stop her. She started for the elevator without a word. "Natalie?" She turned and found him just a few short feet behind her. She hadn't even heard him approach. "Thank you, Natalie. And...I'll consider attending the dinner. Really. You say it's in a month?" "First week of January," she said with a smile as she left. Elusive Gains - Natalie - (12/26) "I thought you were supposed to have the night off, Nick," Natalie mentioned as she walked by Nick's desk at the precinct on Christmas Eve. "So were you, I believe." "I am off. I went by your place and you didn't answer. Your car was gone, too. So, I figured I'd try here." Nick gave her a slight smile. "I...traded nights with one of the other detectives." "Hmm...any particular reason?" "Well, I don't have a family, do I? Others do. So I switched with one of the other detectives." "That was nice of you," she said, genuinely pleased, although she wondered if he had put forth the suggestion or someone had asked. Either way, though, it was good. "I suppose." Nick put down his pen and leaned back in his chair. "So, what brings you here?" "Well...I thought I'd drop by and wish you a nice holiday, and...." "And what?" Natalie fumbled in her coat, eventually managing to pull out a box wrapped simply with silver wrapping paper, studded with gold stars. She nervously held it up, hoping she wasn't making a mistake. "I wanted to give you this," she told him, holding the present out. Nick stared at it. "I can't, Nat. I can't accept a gift from you." "You can and you will. Go on, take it. Open it." He gingerly took the small flat present from her and hesitantly undid the tape, carefully taking the wrapping paper off. Inside was what looked like a jewellery box inside, and he then opened up the box to find tissue paper. She watched as he pulled the tissue to the side, revealing an old coin with a ship facing up. "It's supposed to be a token. Fifteen hundreds, or about there." "A marine token." She nodded. "Turn it over." He eyed her, but carefully did as she asked, revealing a sun and moon in the centre part of the coin. "I saw it and thought you might like it." "How much did you pay for it?" "It's a gift, Nick." "Yes, it's just...I don't want you to spend a lot of money on me." "If it helps, I got a discount on it." "I...didn't get you anything," he said, glancing away. "That's fine, Nick. I wasn't going to, either. But, I saw this while looking for something for a relative and, as I said, I thought you might like it. You do, don't you?" He smiled and nodded. "And you're not lying?" His smile grew a bit wider. "No, I'm not. But I still don't like accepting this, not when I don't have anything to give in return." "You can agree to go to the dinner." She watched him look away. "Come on, Nick, it's not much, and I'd much prefer that than any fancy gift you might be able to give me." "I...." She raised her eyebrows. "You said you'd try to socialise more with your co-workers. And this would be a good opportunity for you to do that, and I believe the dinner falls on your night off. And, if you come, maybe I'll stop pestering you about telling me something new about you every week, since you don't seem to like that idea much." "Nat, I...." He sighed. "Okay. Okay, I'll go." Natalie smiled. "Good." She turned to leave, but was interrupted when he called her name. "Hmm?" "Thanks, Nat." "You're welcome, but don't you dare try and back out of this." "I won't." *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Two weeks later, Natalie walked with Nick down a snow-packed sidewalk in a park. This was certainly not what she expected to be doing at four, almost five in the morning. Nick had, indeed, taken her to the charity dinner. And afterward, of all things, he had taken her to the opera. When he had told her to make sure she was well-rested before the dinner, she hadn't quite expected what constituted as a night out on the town. He had hinted at it, but she honestly had no idea until they had arrived. The performance itself she highly suspected was either not open to the general public or at the very least not a regular season performance. The small number of attendees and time of the performance told her that much, and Nick had mentioned the performance was done by another company and this was one of two performances--the previous night at an earlier time, and the one they went to. And now, after hours at a very late-night performance of Gounod's Faust they were walking, silently, in the dark. It made her think over the night once again, something she had already done more than once as they walked. She was hesitant to believe it had gone as well as it could have, but then very little had gone wrong, considering. She suspected Nick had been about as uncomfortable tonight as he could have short of having a wooden cross shoved through his chest coated in garlic, and yet he pulled it all off with barely a hint of any particular discomfort showing. Nick had done well at faking his way through the dinner. In fact, he had even eaten a few bites of a very, very rare steak...even as she ate her lemon-herb chicken or, more accurately, her lemon-garlic chicken right next to him. His meat had been so rare she could barely watch him eat any of it, so she honestly had no clue how much he had managed, other than, of course, that he had came no where near cleaning his plate. Maybe trying to eat something had helped take his mind off the garlic in her dinner? And she knew he had not only wine, but blood. She had caught him slipping something into his glass of merlot once. It wasn't a lot, and she had more or less let it slip. Nick was fully aware she had seen, however, and as far as she was aware, he only did it the once. And she had watched him interact with the other officers and their wives at the table both before and after they ate. She felt a bit out of place at that, and Nick had to explain more than once that she wasn't his girlfriend, that they were, truly, just friends. Even so, Nick wasn't entirely believed. But he was more animated than she had ever seen him before. Practically normal. The charity aspects of the dinner, if possible, had made Nick seem the most uncomfortable out of the whole night. She figured that had something to do with one of the larger non-officer contributors--the De Brabant Foundation. And that almost certainly meant it was all Nick...or at the very least that Nick had had a large influence in the donation. She had said nothing about that, only shooting him a slight smile. He had returned it, which had been plenty enough for her. And then had come the opera...that had been both a shock and a delight. Nick seemed to thoroughly enjoy the performance as well, perhaps hinting at his interests. Is this something he often did? Or was it more of a special occasion thing? When she had asked, he had just smiled. The actual opera had surprised her somewhat, but only for a moment. It somehow 'fit' Nick, although the most obvious comparison bothered her. After all, the philosopher, Faust, had signed his body and soul to the devil for youth...and by Nick, he had done just about that, not via a signature of his own blood, but by the blood of another, changed. Faust reverted to a younger man for a time before being taken, and Nick had kept his youth through centuries. And yet, there was also so much more to this opera, so much emotion and aspects of life, of humanity and human passions.... And besides, she suspected Nick had nothing to do with which opera had been playing that night. It was nothing more than coincidence. However, if it had been another, different opera, she had no idea if Nick would have taken her to it or not. Had it been chance, in that since there was a late performance he planned to take her that night, no matter the opera or performance? Or had Nick chosen to take her because of what, exactly, the performance would be? The answer to that, she would probably never know. She had looked over to Nick a couple of times, only to find him entirely lost in thought. What memories did this bring back for him? Good, bad, or perhaps a combination? By his expression, he suspected it was the last. Whatever the case, he certainly did have memories that were so very close, that she so wished she could ask about. Did he typically attend with mortal friends, like herself, or others of his own kind? If the latter, who were they? She hadn't dared ask for answers to these questions, although she did attempt a few other, less intrusive questions. She learned that he much preferred operas in French to those in Italian. He had also told her that while he did not see the first, opening performance of the opera, he had seen it before, in Paris. Whether it had been during the first run, however, he didn't, wouldn't say. He also mentioned he had seen it in New York, but again, he didn't say when. And last of all, she had chanced to ask Nick why this particular opera interested him, if at all. She asked if it was because of Faust's deal with the devil for his youth. Nick hadn't commented, hadn't even looked at her. When she then asked if it was the general overall lesson, that one should grasp for the passions of life and live one's life instead of use the time up without really living.... He had smiled slightly at that. But it had been a dark smile, as if he, too, had missed out on that part of his life. But then, she had thought to herself, didn't vampires have the capacity for great passion, or did the need and want for blood overshadow the other pleasures of life? Even now, after they had long stopped discussing the performance, Natalie's thoughts still strayed back to what she had asked and the short and generally vague answers Nick had given that teased her, almost dared her to ask more. But, all in all Nick seemed relaxed, despite everything. Both earlier and now; both with all the other people around him and being in her near-constant and close presence over the entire night. Yes, Nick had done well tonight, and she smiled faintly at the thought. The quietness around them now was helping her relax, the chilly morning air and sheer peacefulness of their walk was a combination she wouldn't mind if they kept walking till sunrise. She knew she wouldn't last that long, though, as she was already getting rather cold. In fact, Nick had already given her his trenchcoat, and she glanced over to him, amazed that he was not cold in the slightest. He had taken off his jacket earlier, and it was sitting back in his car. She couldn't believe his thin dress shirt provided much warmth. Even with his coat on the cold air was almost too much for her, and seeing Nick like this, even with his hands in his pockets, didn't help any. "I could take you home, if you'd like?" Natalie shook her head, trying to tell herself to stop shivering. No matter how cold she was, she would rather be cold than go gone just yet. "No, that's okay." "You're cold." "Maybe a little, but not much. Really." They walked a few more steps. "You didn't have to do all this. I mean, the opera.... It was a bit more than necessary, don't you think?" "No." She stopped. "Well, it's just...you could have, maybe, told me before...." Nick stopped as well, turning around. "I'm sorry. I should have said more than I did about that." He fidgeted. "I suppose we should be heading home? I need to be back before sunrise, and you're not exactly dressed to be out here." Natalie watched him walk back to her and pass her. She was a bit mad about his assumption, but then her comment hadn't helped. He thought that he had messed up. Staring down at the piled snow along the path, she bent down and scooped up a handful, then stood and turned to find that Nick had stopped walking. Before she knew it, she had thrown the snow, hitting him square in the back of the neck. She winced even before he reacted. She had been aiming for his back, not his head. "Sorry." She waited, but he didn't move. "Nick?" He turned, his eyes a faint golden. She took a step back, fearing she had gone to far, but then watched as he relaxed, his eyes returning to their usual blue, the sinister hints in his expression changing to a bit of...playfulness? Hoping the last was right, she reached down for another handful of snow and launched it at him, only to miss because he was no longer there. Nick was now standing right in front of her and her heart just about stopped beating. In an instant, she had lost her balance on the ice. Nick grabbed her hand, and she took the opportunity to try to yank him off balance, surprised when he slipped as well and they both landed in the wet snow along the walkway. She laughed without thinking as Nick sat up, the back of his shirt sopping wet. "Having fun?" he asked, his tone even and without much emotion. "Uh, yeah, actually. I'm not wet." She smiled, sat up and brushed some of the snow off his back, feeling him tense at her touch. "I'm a bit surprised you fell." "So am I." He stood, and then helped Natalie up. Natalie, unable to resist, took the opportunity to stuff snow into the front of his shirt and she tried not to laugh as he acted just like any mortal would have, trying to keep the wet, cold and soppy substance away from his skin and shake it out of his shirt. And when he untucked his shirt to do just that, she lost control, grinning as she asked him, "You sure you don't get cold, Nick?" He stopped once all the chunks of snow had been shaken loose. Unfortunately, he was still quite wet. "There's dry cold, and then there's wet cold. And you're still dry." She opened her mouth to say something, saw an odd sort of twinkle in his eye, and then he practically vanished before her eyes. He had moved so fast she wasn't even sure what direction he had gone. He had been standing right there, and then he was just...gone. She spun around, looking for him, but he wasn't there. "Nick, where-- Oh geez!" By the feel of it, he had stuffed snow down her back, and she turned, only for him to be gone again. "Nick, that's not fair! I can't do whatever it is you're doing!" A wad of snow hit her right in the back, and she turned, again, only to find nothing. "You're cheating!" "No I'm not." She turned to face the source of the voice, which was smiling. A beautiful, open smile that still held the odd twinkle she had seen before. "Yes you are! I can't do that and you know it!" "You started it." "And?" She reached down toward the ground for more snow, hoping to get him again only to find his arm slinking around her waist. For a second, she felt like she was on a roller coaster. It felt like zero to sixty in a split second, and then she hit the ground along with Nick, both of them sinking into the snow. After taking several seconds to recover, she gathered up as much snow as she could and threw it at Nick. Even as he laughed, she threw more and more until he was practically covered in it. They continued, mostly just throwing globs of the snow at one another. But it was wet, slushy snow, and it soaked into everything it touched. As Natalie managed tossing another handful toward Nick, she noticed his shirt was soaked through, parts of his pants not far behind. Natalie stood up, her hands tingling from the cold, as was her back from the snow from before. Taking another handful, she threw it right at his face, at which he just smiled back at her. She couldn't help but wonder if this was a show, or what she had wanted and hoped would happen--which was for him to open up a bit more. "You're taking this awfully well," she stated, her smile slightly forced. "Why shouldn't I?" "Well, at first I wasn't sure. Frankly, for a second I thought, ah, well.... And then, well, I don't know what you did, but let's just say I was a bit startled. You never said anything about being able to move like that, I mean, really move, and...." She watched some of the happiness fade from his face as he stood up and looked away from her. And then she noticed he was shivering slightly, his exposed skin a bit paler than usual, a bit bluer than was probably healthy, even for him. "Give me your keys, Nick." "W-what?" "Give me your keys. I'm going to drive you to my place. You need to get out of those clothes." "I'll be fine. Cold won't kill me." "Perhaps not, but you are definitely being affected by it. Your clothes are soaked through, and I'd rather drive if you keep shaking. Come on, hand 'em over." She held out her hand and, after a moment, he put his keys in her cold, somewhat puffy fingers, his skin even colder than hers. "Good, and you better hope that heater of yours works better than earlier." Elusive Gains - Natalie - (13/26) "I'm fine. I'll just head back to my place." "No you won't," she told him, pressing her hand against his face, at which he closed his eyes. It was like ice and she could tell he had his jaw clenched together. "For one, it's nearly dawn, and for another, you might be a vampire and you might be able to recover quicker from this, but you're still freezing cold. You need out of those clothes." She started unbuttoning his shirt, surprised when he didn't stop her until she had undone his belt and reached for the button on his pants. Nick pushed Natalie's hands away as he stepped back from her uneasily. "Don't." "Nick, you need to get dry." "I'll be fine." He tried turning away, but she grabbed his arm without thinking. For a second, she feared she had made a mistake, and abruptly released him. When he didn't leave and instead turned back to her, seeming normal and unbothered by her touch, she told him, "Please, Nick, I'd prefer if you stayed the day here. The sooner you get warm and dry, the sooner you'll feel better." Nick stood there, shaking slightly. "Come on," she said, taking his arm and guiding him further into her apartment, toward the bathroom. Reaching the doorway, she gave him a bit of a shove. "Get those clothes off, and take a shower. A warm shower. Towels on the rack are clean." "Natalie...." She reached forward and pulled the door shut, not about to listen to another protest. She went into her bedroom and closed the door, quickly realising just how cold she herself was. Forget Nick, she was a block of ice. At least she was a bit drier. And at least Nick's heater had kicked in on the way back...although she had been far more preoccupied with Nick's coldness and manoeuvring his car back to her apartment and into a parking space. She spotted Sydney slinking from behind her bed. He came over and rubbed against her ankles. "I know, Sydney, you don't like Nick much. Don't worry, though, okay? He's okay." She bent down and stroked Sydney's fur, at which he purred and walked off. Natalie pulled her arms out of Nick's coat, letting it fall to the floor. Quickly, she changed out of her clothes and put on a t-shirt and pair of sweatpants. Her clothes were practically dry compared to Nick's, but her shoes weren't. Her hands and feet were still tingling a little from the cold, although they felt a lot better than before. She flexed her fingers and rubbed her hands together. She tossed her clothes in the closet, picked both her jacket and Nick's coat up, and left the room. Passing the bathroom, she heard the water switch off. She continued to the kitchen, hanging each of their coats over a chair. Natalie turned, staring at the refrigerator barely a second before pulling the freezer door open and pulling out a frozen dinner. With all they had done since the dinner, she needed *something* to eat. It was a few seconds after she closed the door before she realised what she had grabbed. It was a spaghetti dinner, and the sauce was undoubtedly seasoned with garlic...forget the garlic bread that came along with it. And garlic would be more than just annoying to Nick. He had already had enough of that earlier that night, at the dinner. She sighed, put it back, and picked something else--turkey with gravy, mashed potatoes, and peas. Nick surely couldn't have any objections over that. Closing the door and turning, she started for the microwave and then froze, dropping the box. "Hi." Jaw dropped open, Natalie bent down and picked up the fallen box, glancing up at him as she stood back up. He was wearing nothing but a towel. And he didn't look all that bad other than that he looked ready to bolt and he was paler than his usual. "I don't suppose you have something I can change into, do you?" "Uh, n-no, I don't. Not really," she told him, which she didn't, not that she particularly minded. She looked past him, to the window, where light was shining in, only for her gaze to come right back to him. "Ah, sun's coming up." "I noticed." He smiled nervously at her, his eyes falling on the box. Natalie, too, looked at it. "Uh...I'm just a bit hungry. You don't mind?" "As long as there's no garlic in it, no, I don't mind." She nearly smiled at him, but caught the seriousness of his tone. "Nope, no garlic." "And preferably no steak." "No steak. It's, ah, turkey." They both stared at one another for a moment, silently, awkwardly. Natalie found her eyes examining him, and not entirely as a doctor should. She glanced away, and then told him, "You can sleep in my room if you want. I might be up a bit and, as you can see, there's a bit too much light in the living room." "I'll be fine." "Nick, sleep in my room. I might be up for a while, and this way I won't bother you. It's fine. I insist." "Nat--" "After tonight, you better do as I say." She put the frozen dinner down and started toward him. "I'm sure those seats cost quite a bit, Nick. The least you can do is accept my hospitality, okay?" He smiled and nodded as she stopped in front of him. "Good. And Nick? You should smile more. Truly smile, like you are now. And *laugh*. Tonight was the first time I'd heard you really laugh, and it suits you." He gave her a half-smile, but it almost immediately vanished. "What's wrong?" "I frightened you. You even said as much." She pursed her lips. Yes, he had frightened her, but it really wasn't that big of a deal. "Well, can you blame me? I mean...I still don't know what you did earlier. It was like you...flew or something." "Something like that. I suppose you could say it's a perk of being a vampire." "You never mentioned it before." "Before, I wasn't sure I'd be staying. I wasn't sure how much you could be trusted with." Natalie swallowed, wondering what had changed. "And tonight?" "Just put it down as one of those weekly bits of information you wanted, okay? Even if it is about what I am and not who I am." "On the condition that you take my room." She put her fingers to his lips as they parted. "I can sleep out here, I don't mind." Gently, she turned him around and started him toward her room, but she only made it a step before he planted himself firmly in place. She stepped to his side and noticed his eyes were closed. "Nick? What's wrong?" "Nothing," he whispered. "Just...I think I can get there on my own. That's all. Now, please...." Natalie jumped back, his gaze falling on where she was still holding onto his arm. "Sorry," she said, pulling her arm back, releasing him. In an instant, he had slipped away and into her room and then Sydney darted out, the door closing behind him. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. After having her meal, or at least the majority of it, as she discovered she wasn't all that hungry anymore, Natalie went into the bathroom, finding that Nick had already hung his clothes on the towel rack. She grabbed his shirt, planning to dry them, but stopped upon seeing the words 'dry clean only' staring back at her. But then, could she really have expected anything else? Nick was, as far as she knew, rich. Not just well off, but genuinely rich. He probably didn't even have to bother with dry cleaning...he could just buy more. She put the shirt back, and then went to her room, putting her ear to the door. "Nick? Are you awake?" she whispered, figuring it would be enough if he was, indeed, awake. When he didn't answer, she slowly turned the doorknob, and pushed the door open. Nick lay sleeping above the covers on his back. The towel, while still wrapped around his waist, had become unfastened, revealing the entire length of his right side as he slept. Her eyes were glued on him, even more so than right after he had finished his shower. She just couldn't look away; she was too tired to really think straight. Standing in the doorway, Natalie was torn between leaving and stepping nearer. After a moment, she did the second, although cautiously, unsure if he was truly sleeping. Stepping up to the side of the bed, she watched him, his chest still, the entirety of his skin pale and icy, as in death, paler than she had ever seen him. She had the urge to touch that skin, and nearly did, her fingers stopping just before brushing his chin, just before touching it. To see him so calm like this, she didn't dare disturb his sleep for that would ruin his relaxed state. Her hand pulled back. Nick would probably wake even if she just felt his hair. As far as she knew, he was already awake and just pretending, perhaps hoping she would go away and leave him alone. But, she couldn't just leave. He had to be cold, couldn't see how he couldn't be. She was drawn to him, and she inched as close as she dared. Gently, she reached over him and pulled the comforter from the other side of the bed to drape it over him, lightly covering him. The instant the blanket touched Nick's exposed skin, her wrist was in a grip she had felt before. She tried to turn away, tried to flee, but that only allowed him to grab her around the waist. A second later, she was pinned on her bed, her back to the mattress with Nick pressing her down, her eyes shut tight against what she might see. Natalie forced herself not to whimper as she felt his lips against her neck, nor the sharp points of his fangs. She should have just let him be; she knew that now. "Nick, please, don't...." She inhaled sharply as a cold hand gripped her neck. Preparing to feel his fangs pierce her skin, she tried to remain calm even as he kissed her neck, up close to her jaw, and then her neck again, the prickly points of his fangs teasing her, wanting to break her skin. And then, abruptly, she felt him shift. His lips rested against her temple for a short moment before everything stopped, everything vanished. As he moved away from her, she hesitantly opened her eyes only to find him darting from the room, shutting the door, and closing her in. She knew only one thing, and that was that Nick had very possibly nearly killed her. And this time, he wasn't playing with her in the slightest. He hadn't been trying to change her mind, trying to show her anything. This was purely an accident. She swallowed, then slowly got up and went to the door, pulled it open, and followed the sounds to the kitchen. Nick started out of the kitchen just as she approached the doorway, the towel gone, replaced by his still wet clothes. He was going to leave. She stepped in his way, only for an amber glare to lock on her. "Move." "It's day, Nick, and--" Her face contorted slightly as he physically pushed her out of his way. But he didn't turn. He didn't even look back as he left, pulling the door open, locking it, and then pulling it shut in what seemed like one fluid motion. Natalie went to the window and looked down to where she had parked Nick's car. She waited several minutes, but he didn't appear. Soon, half an hour had passed and still no one had approached the vehicle. Nick had left, but where had he gone? Where could he have possibly gone? She went to her front door, unlocked and opened it, and looked out in the hall but no one was there. She nearly went and looked in the stairwells, to see if he was hiding in there, but doubted it. If he wanted away, then he was gone. But this...this.... Nick had just vanished. She couldn't think of any other way to put it. Elusive Gains - Natalie - (14/26) Early the next night, Natalie went by the 27th precinct. Upon waking, she had found Nick's car gone from her apartment. He had taken it when either darkness fell, or he had come back for it. At least that made it simple to tell whether Nick was at work or not; and when she spotted his sea green Caddy in the parking lot, she knew he was there. Entering the precinct, she walked straight toward Nick's desk, gently putting her hands on his shoulders. She felt him tense and roughly shrug out of her touch. "Nick..." she said, again putting her hands gently on his shoulders, hoping he would allow it, but again he freed himself. Damn it. He was shutting himself off from her again. "Nick, I want to talk. Now, Nick." "I'm fine." "Maybe, but you weren't this morning." "There's nothing I can say to explain." "Yes there is, Nick. And you will." She reached out and touched his upper arm in an attempt to gently urge him out of his chair. However, he only jerked it away, causing attention to be drawn to them-- Schanke's included. In fact, while most of the others went back to their work, it was more than enough to stop Schanke from getting his coat and leaving for home. She hadn't even seen Schanke until now. When Natalie noticed the other detective approaching, she lowered her voice and continued, "Nick, come on." She turned and walked away, toward the hall and one of the conference rooms. Just as she reached the door, she felt Nick grip her arm and forcibly pull her back, preventing her from entering the room. Why was he doing this? He had to have seen Schanke following them. He had to know that his action would only make Schanke wonder if something was going on. And although they were out of sight of most of the precinct, that didn't mean no one was watching. "What?" he hissed. "Nick, you're--" Natalie cut her response off, seeing Schanke step closer. She shook her head at him, hoping the other detective would turn around, or at least keep his distance. Schanke continued his approach, pulling Nick's arm off Natalie and stepping between them, getting face to face with Nick, one arm pushing the other back against the wall. "I don't like the way you're treating Natalie." From behind Schanke, Natalie watched Nick glare at the detective, hints of gold just visible. She worried Schanke would notice, and pulled on his one free arm, telling him, "Schanke, nothing's going on. I just want to talk with Nick for a moment, and I want to talk to him alone." Schanke turned slightly toward Natalie, but didn't release Nick. "Nat, I don't know if--" "Schanke, please. Just let him go and walk away." Schanke looked like he wanted to turn and give a good whack to Nick, but instead he just turned to him, stating, "You do anything to her and you'll regret it, Knight." Natalie breathed out as Schanke walked off. Then, taking in another breath, she nodded toward the conference room door. "In, Nick," she curtly told him. Nick glanced toward Schanke, who was now a short distance away but still watching them. Then looking back at Natalie, he entered the room. She followed first his gaze, then entered the room after Nick, closing the door. "Now what have I done wrong?" "Nothing, Nick. Nothing, but you keep thinking that no one understands you and you keep trying to do everything on your own, that's what," she yelled, not caring if anyone heard. "You're one lump of...of...nerves that doesn't know when to relax. I come here to ask if you're okay and if there's anything I can do, and you start back up with your 'I'm fine' crap accompanied by your edginess. And the others notice that, Nick. And if you don't learn to settle down and trust others you--" "So you're siding with Schanke now." Natalie's mouth moved, stunned, not sure how to respond to that. "How did the topic get on him?" Nick just stared at her. "Fine. If you must know, I'm siding no more with Schanke than I am with you. He has my safety in mind, just like you do. Unlike Schanke, my concern is not just for those around you, but for you as well." She watched him look away abruptly. "That's right, Nick. I understand why you left, what I don't understand is why you didn't say anything and why you're now reacting like this. You could have said something more--" "Like what? Hmm? Like what? I should have told you to move because otherwise I might kill you? That otherwise I would?" "Yes, you could have said that. Better yet, you could have told me when you accepted to stay that you needed me to stay away. You could have told me to take me to your place, instead of mine, but you didn't even protest against it. You could have had me go to your place to get blood for you. You could have out-right refused to stay, telling me you needed--" "Could I have? Would you have listened, or would you have told me that I was exaggerating my needs, extrapolating my wants?" Sternly, she told him, "Nick, I would have listened. You should know I would have if you'd only explained." He turned away from her. "But you won't let me understand." "You cannot understand." "I can try. And I think I understand a lot more than you think I either can or do. But you keep stepping back whenever you start inching forward. And you're doing it again, Nick. I thought you were doing better, I thought you were going to stop blocking me out, but maybe I'm wrong about that. And when you slip back you lose a lot of ground, Nick, and I'm not just talking about your blood intake." "What are you saying?" "That you need to settle down, Nick. You need to settle in to your life here. You've decided to stay in Toronto, and last night was a good start, but you can't just throw it away. You can't just--" "I haven't thrown it away, and I don't plan to." "Then why are you fighting me on this? Why, Nick? I understand why you left. You don't have to explain that. I know you usually...eat after work. You didn't get to, and your body used up energy trying to warm you back up to normal. I expected you would be a bit hungrier than usual. What I didn't expect was for you to run off because of it. And then react like this." "I could have killed you." Natalie raised an eyebrow, stunned. She remembered that moment very clearly. At first, she had been afraid he was going to do exactly that or, at the very least, that he would bite her before reality hit him. But standing here, now, she knew he would never do such a thing. He would never have let it go that far. The feather light kiss on her forehead had told her how much he cared for her safety and she could only imagine how much control he had needed to stop his very instincts from taking over and how that likely only made the matter worse. "I *wanted* to kill you. I wanted to take every last drop of--" She stepped right up to him and moved to slap him, his quick reflexes stopping her action in an instant. "If you had wanted to kill me, I'd be long dead! Long dead, I'm sure of that." Surprisingly, his grip wasn't cutting off her circulation, merely holding arm in place, preventing her from either hitting him or retracting her hand. "I'm fully aware of what happened this morning, Nick, and you had no wish to kill me. We both know that. Now stop lying to me." "I am not lying!" he hissed. "Then at least explain. Explain how you can both want to kill me and not." "I can't." Natalie tried jerking her hand away, but his grip was just enough that she couldn't budge it. "Try me. Just try, Nick." She watched him close his eyes and turn his head slightly down and to the side, as if he was trying to remain in control or hold back his frustration. "Please, Nick. Just try. I want to know, I want to understand this." "At that moment, I wanted to kill. When I woke, I needed blood. I went for what was closest, which was you, and at that moment I couldn't tell the difference between you and any other mortal, than any other source of blood. I didn't care where the blood came from, just that I got it and I got it quickly." "But you did. You stopped." "As I woke up fully, I realised it was you. But I still needed blood, and that need wasn't going to go away." He changed his grip, releasing her arm and placing his hands on either side of her face. "I had to leave. If I had gone back to sleep and you'd woken me up again, I very well could have hurt you, even killed you before I realised what I was doing. I didn't want that to happen." "But why didn't you say something? I understand why you left, but I don't understand why you put yourself in that position. As I said, if you had asked I would have gladly driven you back to your place, or gone and got blood for you, either from there or the morgue. Why didn't you say something, Nick? Anything." Nick's hands slowly dropped away, a hint of embarrassment on his features. "Nick?" "That would have been...nice." She was a touch angry that he hadn't actually answered her question and was likely hoping to change the subject. But they both knew why. It was because he still either didn't want to or wouldn't trust her. That's why he hadn't said anything. "Where did you go, anyway?" "Home. It...took a while and by the time I got there I needed blood for far more than just the hunger." Natalie didn't have to ask what that meant. A vampire out during the day meant sunlight, and sunlight meant burns. "Even now I'm...hungry. Cow's blood is never quite enough for things like this. I have been good, though--I've kept to just the cow's blood." "If something like this happens again, I expect you to ask for something and not just force things along." "I'll try to remember that." "Good," she told him, pleased, as he seemed to relax. "You're not even a little put off by what happened this morning, are you?" "Am I supposed to be?" she asked, a bit more curtly than she intended. She watched him tense. "Well, if it helps, I think I've learned that it's a very bad idea to wake a sleeping vampire." "It's not necessarily a bad idea," he quickly and quietly answered, smiling faintly. "Not always. It's when I'm hungry that you need to watch out." Again recalling when and how she had woken him, an image of Nick sleeping soundly with nearly as much skin visible as he usually kept covered, she blushed. Not only that, but he noticed. "Thank you, Natalie." "For what?" she asked as he started for the door. Nick rarely thanked her. He stopped, hand on the knob, and looked back at her. "For doing more reminding than lecturing. But more importantly, for understanding even though I wasn't giving you the chance to." She nodded. "And Nick...? I really do mean what I said about you needing to relax and settle in." "I know. I'll work on it." She nodded and let him open the door. Stepping out, she spied Schanke a short distance away, half-watching them, half-pretending to be getting a cup of coffee. She walked out, Nick after her, and Schanke put down his cup and walked toward them. Natalie stepped in Schanke's way as Nick headed for the exit. "Let him go, Schanke. He hasn't done anything to you or to me." "And you better hope he doesn't, Natalie." She closed her eyes and Schanke, hopefully, left for home. Nick had also left the precinct, and she couldn't help but worry that Schanke had it in for Nick. Elusive Gains - Natalie - (15/26) Natalie watched Nick out of the corner of her eye--Schanke and Nick were arguing, although it wasn't apparent what about. She sighed, and continued with her examination of the victim. Ever since she and Nick had talked in the conference room after the charity dinner, Schanke's anger at Nick and concern for her had been renewed worse than it ever was. If that wasn't enough, the last several weeks Nick's frustration had been at the end of a very short string. A very short and very fragile string, at that. He didn't deny that he was easily agitated, but he wouldn't talk about it, either. It didn't bother her much, other than it meant they haven't had many conversations of a decent length lately. She took that back--it did bother her. And what bothered her the most was that she had no idea what was wrong. He hadn't said anything to her, and she wasn't taking blood samples at the moment. But, despite both the frustration and the short conversations, they were overall doing better. Even if Nick's temperature was dropping again. And yet, this time his pulse was increasing. In fact, other than his temperature, paleness, and perhaps his tenseness, he seemed to actually be progressing. Perhaps Nick wasn't the problem this time? Could it just be Schanke's provoking? It didn't help that at the best, whenever they ran into one another they would exchange taunts, daring the other to step over the line. And, almost every time, Schanke had initiated it. Then, she winced as she heard Schanke's side of the argument rise above everything else. She still wasn't sure what the problem was this time. All she could tell was that Schanke was trying to get Nick to leave. Natalie started toward them, only to see Stonetree angrily approaching. Before she could get to them, one of the forensic guys caught up to her, distracting her from finding out what was going on. And, by the time she had dealt with the distraction, Schanke and the Captain were walking away...and Schanke looked ready to kill. When Nick walked over to her a moment later, looking almost pleased at something, she asked, "What was all of that about?" "Nothing." "Nothing? It didn't sound like nothing." "Just a little disagreement. Nothing important. You know how much Schanke likes me and I like him." She watched him walk over to the victim, keeping his distance as he took a wide arc to the other side of the body. He wasn't going to tell her anything more. He was just going to drop this like nothing was wrong. And yet, now, with Schanke gone, Nick seemed fine. He didn't seem overly frustrated or tense, just...normal. "What have we got?" She sighed again, and then told him everything she had learned out so far. She would either have to ask Nick again or maybe try to ask Schanke about it. Assuming, of course, Schanke didn't come to her first. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. "I'm getting tired of it, Natalie. It's like he thinks he's above everyone or something," Schanke said as he shifted uncomfortably, looking as if he were trying to decide between pacing and standing still. "So what was your argument about? I'm assuming that's why you're here?" "I don't know how he did it, but he pulled some kind of rank or something on me. Stonetree gave him the case. My case. It's not even to 'help out', but flat out his. I don't know how he did it. Sometimes he seems like an all right guy, but there's something weird about him. I just...how does he do it? And why? What's the point in it?" "Well...." Natalie couldn't very well answer the question. Even she wasn't sure exactly what had happened, although she suspected that it likely involved some of that same hypnosis Nick had tried to use on her. Or maybe it hadn't had anything to do with Nick. Maybe Stonetree had just done it because he wanted to. "Well, you do have a current case, don't you?" "It's another suicide. All that's left is paperwork. And he's got another open case right now, too, an attempted, so that's not it. In fact, I think he's got two." "Well...ah, well, maybe he's been a detective longer than you. That's possible, isn't it?" "Nope. He's junior on years," Schanke stated, a hint of satisfaction audible. "You looked at his records?" "Well, no, not exactly." "What do you mean?" she asked, her curiosity far from fake. "I found out from Stonetree. Captain said something about his job in Chicago, and then about him being a good detective to put on this case. Stonetree won't say why he's allowing it, just that he is, that it's Knight's case, like it's nothing. He's not even batting an eye about it. And it's a pretty straightforward case, too. Nothing special." "Could it just be that he's solved more cases than him? Maybe someone's putting pressure on Stonetree to make sure it doesn't sit." "Putting it that way, yeah, maybe. He has more closed cases than any other detective in the city, I'll bet. But no, no outside pressure that I'm aware of." "Maybe...." "Maybe what?" "Well, could you be wrong? Maybe he didn't want this." "Oh, no. No, no no. He showed up at the scene last night all on his own. Stonetree didn't ask him there, and dispatch didn't send him there. He did this. He asked for the case, Natalie. I was right there, and he *asked* for it. And he got it just like that, no hesitation, no conversation on it, nothing. Forget me. Forget that I was on shift and he wasn't. Forget--" "Maybe he just thought--" "Thought what, Natalie? He's doing this on purpose, I'm sure of it." She set her jaw. What was she supposed to say to him? As far as she knew, Nick had indeed done this on purpose. But what reason would he have to do this? His avoidance of her questions at the scene told her something was up, but what? Was something up with Nick, or was it just another part of the tension between Nick and Schanke. "Well, he hasn't done this until now, right?" "Uh, well, no, but--" "I'm sure it has nothing to do with you, Schanke. I'll talk to him about it." Schanke quickly started shaking his head. "No, no, nooo. You've done enough 'talking' with him. And whatever you've been doing, you keep having to talk to him again and again and...and I don't know, but it just seems like it's not helping much." "It's helping," she stated, tone firm. It had to be helping. She had to be helping Nick, or everything they had done was pointless. If she wasn't helping Nick, she was just wasting time--both hers and Nick's. If this wasn't working.... "Nat, what's wrong?" She snapped out of her thoughts, taking a step back when she found that Schanke had moved closer. Had she missed something? Had he said something and she completely missed it? "W-what?" "You're...shaking a bit." "I am?" "Yeah." "I'm fine," she quickly told him. Realising her mistake, she continued, "It's just...you and Nick keep arguing, and I think you'd get along well if you wouldn't. Other than that, nothing's wrong, really. Maybe if you backed off, things would be better." "Yeah, right. You're awfully defensive of Knight lately, you know that?" "Yeah, well, he's a friend." "Okay, then tell me what's going on with him. What's he doing to you, either directly or indirectly? You've been more stressed than usual, and I hear you spend almost every night at work, whether you're supposed to be here or not. Something's up, Natalie." "He's my patient. I'm helping him with something." "Yeah, you've said that. You've said that a lot. And Nat, from what I can tell, you might think twice about however you're helping. It's like he's using up your energy. You get frustrated more, and that's...it's just not like you, Natalie!" "Schanke! Just...." Natalie breathed out, not sure what to say, not sure what she could say. "Schanke, I know you're concerned, but--" "Just listen, Natalie." "B--" "Nat, Listen! Since you've been helping Knight, you're not acting yourself. You're too fixated on him and whatever you two are trying to do, and it's draining you, Nat. I can see it. I'm telling you this now, and I hope you've already realised what's happening. Think it over and maybe do something about it." Natalie called after Schanke as he left, but she didn't have the energy to go after him right now. Not when she couldn't think of an argument to counter him. However she looked at it, Schanke was right about one thing. She had thought about this before and she knew that she was putting a lot of her energy into her work with Nick. But it was her choice and she would rather be working on something than not. She had made this choice and Nick was doing a lot better. Over nearly eight months, they had.... Wait, no, that was wrong...ten months was much closer. It had been nine and a half, almost ten months, since she had first met Nick. Ten months was approaching a year. Her birthday would be coming up again in just over two months. And, really, she hadn't gotten much of anywhere on Nick's cure and Nick had had so many setbacks she sometimes worried if they would ever get anywhere. Yes, he had opened up to her, dropped much of his cold exterior, but he still didn't really trust her. And then there was the last few weeks. His pulse *had* increased. And no matter how she looked at it, that was progress. And it was, from what she had been able to tell, continuing to increase. Nick was becoming closer to being mortal, he had to be. They just had to keep going. If they kept going, Nick would be closer to mortality. And since Nick was willing, she had to be too. She couldn't back out on him when he was trying and he was obviously changing to some degree. She couldn't. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. It had been three more weeks and Nick's pulse was still increasing. And his temperature was back up to vampire normal and, she hoped, still rising. But Nick was on edge. More than just on edge, actually--and a whole lot worse than the strange tenseness he had started to show since the beginning of the year. Now she was sure it was Nick and not just Schanke. But was there anything actually wrong? He kept insisting he was fine, that it was just a by-product of trying to cut back his blood intake. Which, as far as she could tell, was the truth. It was well within the possible reactions, and he was cutting back on the blood. She heard the door open. "Nick, I--" she stopped as she faced the door. "Ah, Richie...what are you doing here?" she started, surprised. Richard rarely came to see her at the morgue, not unless he had to. She smiled at him, but Richard didn't smile back. "Is something wrong?" "I don't know. Is there?" Still shocked that he was there, she asked, "What do you mean? Why would something be wrong?" "Perhaps something to do with a friend of yours? Specifically a Detective Nicholas Knight." Natalie was stunned. How did her brother know about Nick? She had never mentioned Nick to him, let alone anything that had happened. She was so surprised that she even took a step back as Richard approached. "W-what?" "Detective Schanke told me what's been going on. In fact, I suspect he's told me far more than you'd like him to." "Schanke...." "He's concerned about you, concerned for you. And so am I." Natalie clenched her jaw. First Schanke, and now Richie. "Some concern is fine, but you don't need to tell me about it, really. I'm fine." "From what I've gathered, you're anything but fine." Richard stepped more fully into the morgue, walking over to the examination table and resting his hands on it, leaning into it. Natalie watched him carefully, the action only bringing back memories of that first night when Nick had been brought in as her eyes focused on the metal in front of her. "This Detective Knight...I hear he nearly broke your wrist, ended up giving you a nasty set of bruises. And more than that--he's got a pretty short temper. Nearly shoved Schanke last week--I'm sure you heard about that. Stonetree just about sent Knight home for it. He's a bit of a hotshot, and if you ask me, he thinks he's above the law. And that's not good for a detective, you know that." Yes, she heard about a disagreement between the two, but she hadn't heard anything about Schanke nearly being shoved or Nick nearly getting sent home. She didn't think Nick would do something like that, but then she was also proof that he would and could. Nick reacted badly when stroked the wrong way, and she wouldn't put it past Schanke to attempt doing just that. But then, Schanke hadn't come to her about what had happened. He hadn't said anything to her. And yet, Richard was here. Focusing back on her brother, she flashed on Nick lying there, right in front of them. Even dead, he had been so...so full of life, even when he had been lying there so very still. And then he had woken up and it was all gone, hidden from her and everyone else. And now he was the focus of far more than just her attention. "Natalie?" She jumped, Richard's hands on her arms. She hadn't even noticed that he had moved. "You're jumpy. And you look absolutely exhausted." "Yeah, and it's from Schanke and now you. I don't need your concern-- not this much of it, anyway, not about this. And I'm your big sister, remember? I'm supposed to be the one that takes care of you, not the other way around." He shook his head. "You're out of it. Schanke's right. And from what I've heard of this Detective Knight, I'm not sure it's a good idea to get close to him. No matter the reason." "He's my patient." "Maybe, but he can get a different doctor, a regular doctor. I'd suggest that he's put some kind of spell on you, Nat, if I thought it was possible. You're helping him, but at what cost? And does he even care what's happening to you?" "Yes, he does," she stated, finally pulling away. She locked on that thought and walked several steps away. "He cares a lot more than you or Schanke or anyone else seems to notice. And I care, too. I care for what happens to me, and I care what happens to him." "Schanke's right! Natalie, you're defending him even now. You don't have to--he can do that plenty well for himself." "You don't know him, Richie, and I, too, can take care of myself well enough." "No, I don't know him. But my question is how well do you know him? Really?" Natalie looked away. She hated it when Schanke asked that question, and now her brother was asking it. She hated it because she really didn't know Nick. She knew more about most of the detectives at the various precincts than she did about Nick, who she saw far more regularly. "Just come to dinner at my place next Wednesday, okay? Eight o'clock. You need a break from all of this, and Sarah and Amy will be happy to see you. It's been since Christmas since you last came over, and Amy's been asking when you'll visit." "Richie, I--" "Just think about it. Think about it and let me know, okay?" Natalie looked back to him to find Richard's expression expectant. She wasn't going to get him to leave unless she answered. "Fine, I'll think about it, but I can't guarantee anything." "Good. That's all I'm asking; for you to think about this." Elusive Gains - Natalie - (16/26) Natalie roughly shoved her desk drawer closed. Just when she had thought things had been going well, Nick doesn't show up for their weekly meeting for the first time in a long time. She had told her brother no on dinner because Nick was supposed to come by...and then he didn't. And when she went by the precinct that morning, expecting Nick to still be there, she found out that he had gone home early, sick. He had barely been at work at all that night. And tonight, Thursday night, she found out Nick had called in sick to work. If he had called her, or...something, she might not have been concerned. But she knew if he walked in here right now, the first thing she would do would be to demand why he didn't at least call and tell her that he wouldn't be able to come by. And then she'd ask him what was wrong, why he had called in sick. Or maybe she would do that the other way around.... "Natalie?" She looked up, hoping for a moment she had heard wrong and that it was Nick, but it wasn't. It was, as her ears had indicated, her brother. "How did last night go? Your meeting with Knight." "Fine." She stiffened. Her brother clearly didn't believe her. And she was tired of lying about little things like this for Nick. It's not as if he needed or wanted her to. "Okay, he didn't show up. Happy?" "The way you say that, I'd say it's happened before. It has, hasn't it?" "Uh," she stuttered. She hadn't meant to imply Nick had done this often. "Er, no, not recently." "It just goes to show that he's wasting your time, Nat. He didn't even call you, did he?" "Richie, please, let me talk to him about this before--" "Before what?" "You know what. Between you and Schanke, you two could ruin him. We all know that. I want you to leave him alone." "And if something happens?" "It--" Natalie stopped upon seeing Nick leaning against the wall just inside the morgue. How long had he been there? How much had he heard? What would he do? "If he does *anything* to you, Natalie, I will see to it that he loses his job." Natalie watched as Nick slowly approached. "Richie, don't. Nick, he's...." "What? What about him?" Natalie nodded, gesturing behind her brother. Seeing Richard turn and then immediately take a step closer to Nick, she moved between them. "Nick, this is my brother, Richard." Ignoring a slightly perplexed expression on Nick's face, she asked, "Have you two met?" Nick approached, walking over to the examination table. "We've met in passing, but never actually spoken." He walked around it, placing the metal slab firmly between them. He leaned on the table, closing his eyes for several seconds. She glanced back at her brother, only to find that he reminded her sharply of Schanke. "Richie, I think--" Richard pulled away from Natalie and walked over to the examination table. He stared across it, abruptly demanding, "What are you playing at here?" Natalie watched Nick just stand there, silently holding back. She found it odd. Nick usually made some reaction when confronted like this. And she knew Nick's present silence was worse than trying to defend himself. In fact, Nick probably knew it too. Something seemed wrong. Ever since he came in, other than those initial few words, he was quiet. "You called in sick and certainly shouldn't be here, should you? You went home early last night, call in tonight, and then show up here. I think Schanke's dead on about you thinking you can get away with anything you want." Natalie wasn't sure what to say. Schanke and clearly had quite a conversation with her brother, and it must have either been recent or Richard had done a bit of asking of his own...or both. But Nick still wasn't saying anything and she was finding it hard to pay much attention to her brother. Richard walked around the table, stopping right next to Nick. "I'd like some questions answered." Natalie's concern built when Nick didn't move or even face Richard. Something was wrong. Nick wouldn't have called in and then come here unless something was very wrong. In fact, Nick rarely called in sick to work. He went pretty much whether or not he even should. And Nick didn't look well, either. Nick had come here, likely to talk to her. Something had to be up if he was remaining, possibly hoping she'd be able to get her brother to leave. "Ah, Richie, I really think it would be better if--" She broke off, wincing as Richard took Nick's arm and tried to get Nick to face him. "I want to know why you're doing this. Why does it have to be my sister that helps you? Tell me. Give me a decent explanation, and I'll drop it and tell Schanke to drop it as well." Nick jerked away from the touch, staggering backward in the process. "I need to speak with Natalie," he said, his voice again soft, like if he was keeping a tight control. "Alone." No, Natalie realised almost instantly, Nick wasn't holding back, he was weak. And he wasn't holding back, he was possibly using all the strength he had to just stand there. "Nick?" she called, only for him to back away from her and right toward her brother. Something was seriously wrong. Before she knew it, Nick had half-stumbled. Her brother just barely had enough time to slow Nick's descent. Together, she and Richie laid Nick gently on the ground, where he muttered softly as she knelt next to him. "Nick, tell me what's wrong." "It hurts." "Nick...where?" "My chest." She put her hand over his heart, only to sharply pull her arm back. Nick had a pulse, and it was actually measurable in a matter of seconds. It was nowhere near human normal, but she had a feeling Nick's heart hadn't beat that fast for a very, very long time. She reached out again, this time taking his pulse at his neck. It was nearly twenty, quite unsteady, and-- Natalie looked up as she watched her brother stand. "I'm going to call an ambulance." "No." "What?" "No ambulance." She looked back to Nick, who appeared to have lost consciousness. Torn between concern at what was happening and pretending to remain calm, she told her brother, "I-I'm pretty sure he just passed-out. I want to get him home so he can rest." "Natalie, you're a doctor! And a pathologist, at that. You should really let someone else take care of this." "Yes, I am a doctor. And I may be a pathologist, but I know what I'm doing. You know that. Nick will be fine." Even as she said it, she could feel herself shaking. Truthfully, she had no idea what was wrong with Nick, and she couldn't do much with her brother there. But she wasn't going to get Nick anywhere on her own, either. Not with him unconscious. "Richie, I could maybe use your help taking Nick home. Would you? Please?" "Hospital would be better." "Not necessarily. Nick's...let's just say taking him to the hospital might do more harm than good. Just trust me on this, okay?" "If you tell me what's wrong with him and what you're treating him for." "Richie, you know I can't say why I'm treating him, or what with." Richard wasn't taking it. She turned back to Nick and again took his pulse, stalling to think. Nick seemed a bit more stable, but she didn't want to just leave him on the floor in the morgue. She had no idea when Nick would wake, and if he woke while someone else was in here.... "Ah, well...it could be a reaction to his treatment, and if so, the best thing for Nick is *rest*. In fact, it's very possibly the only thing he needs. He's been stressed out by everyone cornering him, and he just keeps on going. What he needs is a break from it, what he needs is *rest*." She looked back up at her brother. "So will you help me?" She watched him shift uncertainly. "Richie, please?" "Yeah, yeah, I'll help," he said, nodding. "What do I need to do?" She told him she wanted to get Nick in his car, and then, just as Richard passed outside the doors, she grabbed her medical bag. As an afterthought, she pulled several units of blood out of the fridge. If Nick was worse off than she thought, human blood would be best, and she had no idea. She put them in her bag and jogged after her brother and Nick. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. "Nick? Come on, Nick, I know you're in there somewhere." Natalie held his face between her hands, feeling the odd warmth of his cheeks against her skin. He was practically feverish. It didn't calm her any to see an almost pained expression on his face. Whatever this was, it was hurting him. She had gotten her brother to leave easily enough--after all, he had been on his way in to work--and by then Nick had slipped into something closer to sleep. A very restless sleep. And now he was somewhere between asleep and awake. Natalie gently but quickly unbuttoned and untucked Nick's shirt, undid his cuffs, then unbuckled and removed his belt. She again put her hand over his heart, the somewhat clammy feel of the skin was at least better than it's opaque, bluish tinge and the easily visible veins. Something was very wrong, but what, she couldn't tell. She needed Nick awake. She had to know if he knew anything about what was going on. And the sooner she found out, the better. "Damn it, Nick, wake up." He didn't move or respond to her words. Even as she brushed his hair back, he didn't move, not even as she again touched his face. But she needed a response, now. Natalie let her one hand trail down the side of his face and along his neck, something she had fantasized doing in her dreams more than once and suspected would be dangerous to do under almost any circumstances. But it was the first thing that came to mind to get him to respond. And he indeed reacted, his eyes snapping open, lips parting. But he didn't look at her, nor did he move. He just stared blankly upward. She feared he wasn't really awake, and he therefore possibly had no idea she was even there. "Nick, can you hear me?" she demanded, again taking his face in her hands, leaning over him, trying to get him to look at her. She stared into his eyes, still staring aimlessly at something past her, through her. "Nick, I need to know what you did." She gasped as he grabbed her arms. The grip was sharp and short, but even as his strength declined, his hands clung to her, pulling her down toward him. Other than the initial few seconds, however, this was nothing like the other times he had grabbed her--he was not trying to scare her and this seemed to have nothing to do with his vampiric instincts. This was just Nick. "What happened? What's doing this to you?" she demanded, hinting on her anger. "Nick, please, what did you do?" The questions caused him to now struggle against her closeness. He looked away, muttering something about it being his choice, that trying to find a cure was his choice and that it was what he wanted. It was like he was talking to her, but...not her. "Please, just tell me what--" He again gripped her, this time pulling her down and kissing her softly, lightly on the lips before mumbling, "No, just leave.... It's my choice. This is my choice. Go...no, no, don't want...." Natalie pulled a few inches back and pressed her fingers to his lips, silencing him. Nick wasn't making any sense to her. Just about to ask what he didn't want, his hands fell gently away. Nick was unconscious again. She checked his pulse, which, although it a little slower than it had been in the morgue, was still far too fast. Something had to cause this, something more than a reduced blood intake. That had seemed to be going considerably well. This, however...this was something different. Sitting up, she shifted Nick's hands until they rested on his stomach. She stood and left the room with her medical bag, turning out the light. Once downstairs, she put the units of blood in Nick's refrigerator-- Nick's very bare refrigerator. Only a single unlabelled bottle sat on the top shelf, and it was closer to being empty than full. She put her bag on the kitchen table, and then picked up her coat from the ground where it had fallen when she had haphazardly tried to hang her coat on a chair when she came in. Hanging it over the back of a chair, she turned and found several items on the counter. She was stunned that she hadn't seen them earlier, but then she hadn't been focused on the kitchen, had she? She had been in a rush, on her way upstairs with her attention devoted solely to Nick. She looked at the various containers, some of which were entirely empty. None were properly labelled, although she found odd markings written with a permanent marker on the bottom of a few of the non- glass containers. Nick had very obviously made something. She spotted a rinsed-out glass in the sink and clenched her teeth. Whatever he had made, he must have drank it. And he had either drank *all* of it, or he had rinsed it down the sink. Nick had been trying things without notifying her. This must be some other cure, something he had found somewhere that had shown some promise. Natalie scanned the counter for a recipe, or instructions of some kind, but the only item other than the containers was a food scale. She opened the drawers and cupboards, but still nothing. She had no idea what Nick had used, but this concoction appeared crude from what was on the counter. Even though she knew there were some home remedies that did indeed work, she doubted there was one for curing vampires. She picked up one of the containers and took a whiff. Odourless. She picked up another one that looked vaguely familiar. Smelling it, she pulled it away, getting a stronger scent than expected. Garlic. And that container was nearly empty. Natalie put it carefully back down. Nick was messing with things he probably shouldn't. She knew garlic bothered him, even just the scent of small amounts of it. And it was a major ingredient in whatever he had made. Who knew what else he had used. Who knew what it had done and was still doing to him. Nick, that's who knew. Not her, not anyone else, but Nick. And Nick was...somewhere. Elusive Gains - Natalie - (17/26) Natalie stayed in Nick's room all day, spending most of the time lying or sitting on the bed next to him. She drifted off a couple of times, but never managed to sleep long before Nick would wake her up again, talking, trying to tell her something, convince her not to try and stop him trying to become mortal...which made no sense to her as she had no wish to stop him. He had eventually shifted and rolled toward her so that he was now resting half on top of her, his head lying on her chest and arms wrapped around her. Thinking about the items she had seen on the counter, some of what he said earlier at least made since. She knew that he had tried cures in the past and some of what he said related to trying one. Maybe several, she wasn't sure. It almost seemed like he had gone back to some past event, perhaps one of these past attempts at becoming mortal. Whatever the case, Nick seemed to be talking to someone, a woman if Nick's actions--the kiss from the first time, and later, caresses to her neck--were any indication. A woman that he was quite close to, if she guessed right. A woman who was, very probably, a vampire. The kiss bothered her. Not that she didn't, on some level, like it, it's just.... Well, it was quite intimate, and yet at the same time she had found the action almost impersonal. Nick wasn't thinking straight and possibly had no idea what he had done. To Nick, she wasn't Natalie. He was very likely thinking she was the woman he kept speaking to. What bothered her most was to know that he did not deny everyone his emotions, even if he denied them to her. Minus the night after Nick had taken her to dinner and the opera, he hadn't shown her much emotion. Nor had he reacted to her on anything more than a professional level. And yet, despite that, he continued to keep his distance from her and she continued to help him. He continued it even when he wasn't working with her and even when she wondered if he actually trusted her with helping him. Like now. Nick had taken it upon himself to try something on his own, without giving a hint that he might even do so to her. He had never once mentioned to her any specific ideas he had about possible treatments, nor volunteered specific information about his attempts at a cure. And now this. He does something without even consulting with her, seeing if perhaps it was a good idea or if, perhaps, she could improve on whatever it was. It hurt. And yet what did she do? She tried to help him solve the problem he created on his own, knowing he had probably never intended her to find out what he had done unless it had worked. And yet, he had come to her, expecting her to help. Here she was, at Nick's, holding and calming Nick as he drifted from partial consciousness to unconsciousness. She was calmly waiting for his condition to improve. And even though he did seem to be getting better, his temperature and pulse lowering and slowing, she stayed and waited. However much anger she had against him, she couldn't make herself leave until he was awake and more himself. She couldn't leave until she knew he would be okay, until she knew he would recover from this. He was now sleeping more soundly, and actually sleeping and not just unconscious. Which she hoped was good. Unfortunately, that meant that whenever she moved he would wake slightly. She just wished she knew if Nick really was improving. She had already called the precinct and told them that Nick wouldn't be coming in that night. She just hoped Nick wouldn't wake before his shift and decide he was well enough to go in. If he did, she doubted she would be able to stop him. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. After what felt like several hours of sleep, Natalie woke to find herself alone on the bed. Nick had apparently woken and, for that matter, he had apparently gained enough strength to get out of bed. Slowly, she stood and left the room. From the balcony, she could see Nick sitting on the couch, bathed in dim moonlight from the uncovered windows. Nick, however, didn't turn to look up at her. She approached, at first believing him to be asleep, but when she caught his open eyes that, if only for a second, followed her movements, she knew otherwise. Almost immediately, he looked away from her; and that single action brought back her anger. "Nick, what happened?" He didn't speak, move, or...anything. "Please, I want to know what happened." "You have no need." "Yes, I do, Nick. I need to know that you trust me. If not enough to tell me what you were going to do, then to tell me what you did do." "I shouldn't have gone to you." Natalie clenched her jaw, furious at the words. She took several steps forward, but then stopped, not daring to approach any closer with how upset she now was. "Too right, Nick. But if you hadn't, I would have just found you here, wouldn't I have? And you better be glad I didn't find you here, Nick." He turned to her, eyes widening before looking away again. "As it is, I'm not sure what to do." "And I'm not sure what really happened, okay?" he snapped. "Last thing I remember is passing out in the morgue." Natalie opened her mouth, preparing to tell him what happened, but what good would it do? He wasn't about to tell her about his past attempts at a cure or his past acquaintances. She wanted to know who the woman was, if she was a friend or more. She wanted to know if Nick did open up to people and if he just wasn't to her for some reason, and if so, why. "I-I've been cutting back on the blood. You know that," he told her, not quite meeting her eyes. That was it. She stepped closer, but again stopped right as Nick was just out of her range. Nick turned his head slightly down. "Natalie--" "Go screw yourself in hell, Nick. Oh, wait, you've already done that, haven't you?" She was close to laughing, but she was too enraged to bother. "Just...do what you want. Maybe make up that concoction again, but this time maybe triple the garlic and add in some holy water for good measure. Maybe it'll kill you, which seems to be your goal. I'm not sure I care right now." His eyes widened. Then, he pleaded, "Natalie, please...." "No." She shook her head. "I'm not listening, Nick." She turned, only for him to pull her back by her arm, at which she backhanded him with enough force that he fell off the couch. She didn't even think; she just did it. And it didn't matter that he didn't have enough strength to fight back, that he was currently too weak to do anything in defence. Her hand throbbed from hitting him, but it had been worth it. At least it got him to shut up and stop lying, even if he now wouldn't even look at her. "You need time to think. A lot of time. Don't you dare try to talk to me until you've thought things through or I just might do something a lot worse." Natalie turned and walked over to the kitchen getting her coat, purse, and medical bag. Not wanting to wait for the elevator to come back up, she hurried to the stairwell door and down the stairs. Once outside in the cold winter night air it hit her that she didn't have her car. Richard and dropped her off. She had no way of getting home, and she wasn't about to go back in to Nick's. She glanced at her watch. Nine o'clock. It wasn't even time for her shift yet. All she had to do was get home and she could still go in to work. And she would. She just needed to get home. Closing her eyes, she tried to think where the closest phone might be. She would have to call Richard, she supposed. Or a cab. But if she called her brother, it would at least give her a chance to tell him not to worry about her. Or Nick. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Almost two weeks later, Natalie was starting to find life pleasant not dealing with Nick, not thinking about him each and every day. After Richard had again brought up what happened with Nick, she told him that she had given Nick an ultimatum. Which, she supposed, she had. Schanke had been pleased when he heard about that. And, in truth, it was nice to be able to tell Schanke something he considered positive. She stopped as she walked across her lab. But was it really positive? Yes, she told herself. She had even gone over to her brother's and went with his family to a movie. And she had accepted a dinner invitation to Schanke's for tomorrow night. She hadn't spent time as she had really wanted to for several months, and it was nice to be able to do what she wanted, when she wanted. And yet, she was still worried, not necessarily about Nick, as he had seemingly fully recovered and was apparently coming in to work. But Schanke had said something about Nick being subdued and almost uncaring. Whether Nick could die or not, those that he worked with could. She was worried Nick might not be paying as much attention to his surroundings as he should and was tempted to confront him about it. At the same time, as he hadn't made any effort to talk to her, what reason did she have to talk to him? He hadn't even tried to speak to her. Nor did she hear much about his conversations with anyone else. She was starting to get the impression that he didn't particularly talk with anyone else more than simple pleasantries and to do his job. What was she supposed to do? And, damn it, he wouldn't even meet her eyes when she was in the precinct. And he had started to form the habit of vanishing whenever she was nearby. It was somewhat...annoying, for one. Several times, she had wondered if this time she had, perhaps, been too harsh. She had said and done far more than she had meant to do. But at the same time, she knew she had been easy on him in the past. She had to know how seriously he took their work. And if Nick wanted to play with his life like he did, maybe he really didn't want her help. He could do the mixing and testing on his own, without her. If he had told her, she could have tested whatever he had planned to make up and see if it looked safe, see if it would even have useful results or would only cause disappointment and harm. But no, he just went off on his own and did whatever he damn well pleased. She threw the file in her hand at the wall, papers flying every which way. But she didn't care. She didn't care about the papers, she didn't care about Nick, and, right now, she didn't even care about work at all. She didn't want to be here. Not right now, not when her thoughts started wondering back over what happened. So much for not thinking about Nick. Maybe it was suppressed rage from all the times she had held back, all the times she had wondered and worried and...everything else. But it wasn't going away. And wouldn't, she suspected, until Nick did something. Until Nick tried to talk to her, or left, or something, she didn't think her anger would be going anywhere. She had vacation time coming in a week, and she was going to take it. Maybe that's what was bothering her. Nick hadn't come to talk to her and her vacation time was inching closer every day. She hadn't told him about it, although she had planned to. A month ago, she would have even entertained the idea of inviting Nick to come with her. But she had never asked. Why? Because she knew Nick would have never accepted and she hadn't wanted to risk pushing them even further apart. Maybe it wouldn't have been such a bad idea to ask. Maybe, even if he had refused, it would have gotten him to see that she cared and he wouldn't have tried keeping things from her. And just where were they now? Natalie closed her eyes. Nick hadn't said anything to her, and he didn't dictate whether or not she went on vacation. If nothing else, she wouldn't have to think about what to do when Nick did make a move. He could talk to her answering machine for all she cared. He had already had two weeks to talk to her. He could easily wait a few more if he felt it unimportant enough to wait this long. Bending down to gather up the closest papers, Natalie reminded herself that it was Nick she was mad at, and not the file. Or anything else around the morgue. And she didn't have a problem being mad at Nick. Like this, Nick was quite easy to deal with. All she had to do was carry on with her normal life and pretend he didn't exist until he made a move. Elusive Gains - Natalie - (18/26) Upon coming back from her rainy but otherwise perfect vacation, Natalie found she felt much better. But then, two and a half weeks in Florida would make almost anyone feel great, particularly when Toronto was still trying to hold onto winter. She had actually started to miss work, miss being on a schedule. Truth was, she liked having a fairly structured life. And a vacation was...well, her vacations were often quite disorganised--when she took them at all. She had given Schanke a loudly patterned shirt she would probably never see him in, but he had seemed to genuinely like it. In fact, he liked it to the point that he even entertained the thought of going on a vacation himself for about twenty seconds before drifting off topic and mentioning how much he liked some of the flowers in the shirt and that he should get his wife, Myra, some flowers. Natalie smiled. Even thinking about the conversation made her happier. She had nearly brought Nick something back, but had decided against it. For one, even if they had been on better terms when she had left on vacation, she remembered the gift she had given him for Christmas all too clearly. And she hadn't even told him she was going on vacation let alone where she was going or when she would be back. And having checked her answering machine when she arrived home, she had noticed that he hadn't called either her work phone or left a message on her home phone. Absolutely nothing. At least that seemed to solve the question on if they were going to work together any longer or not. It had been well over a month now and, although she had told Nick to take his time, she hadn't expected him to wait this long. After her shift that night, her third since her return to work, Natalie went home only to find a message from Nick on her answering machine. "Natalie, I would like to talk to you. Please call me so we can arrange a time to talk." He had called merely minutes before she had returned home. He had probably expected her to be there. She set her jaw and deleted the message. He 'would like' to talk to her. Yeah, well, he could wait. She neither wanted to nor would talk to him right now. He had had plenty of time to try and talk to her or leave her a message, and if he had taken this long, it obviously wasn't urgent. Putting her things away, she went to the kitchen and pulled down a frozen lasagne from the refrigerator. She was hungry, and nothing was going to stop her from enjoying a nice, hot meal. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Over the next three mornings, Natalie deleted three more messages from her home answering machine, and one from her work machine. The last had simply asked her to 'please call'. She was tempted to do just that, but she wouldn't, not yet. She had made it easy for him to continue working with her in the past. This time, it wasn't going to be easy. This time, he was either going to learn to start trusting her, or she was going to tell him no. She couldn't work closely with someone who didn't trust her. It was hard enough to continue half-running into him at work. Whenever she saw him, he would still vanish just like he would before. Even with his pleas on her answering machine, in person he was still avoiding her. If she needed to talk to Nick, she had to resort to go through other people. And from what she had learned from questioning Schanke, Nick was doing worse than before. She found out Nick had been given a three-day suspension not long after she left for vacation. He had lost his temper in Stonetree's office, and Stonetree had decided Nick needed some time away from work. Nick, apparently, had taken the suspension without an argument. Stonetree had talked to him because he seemed distracted. The day went by slowly as she tried piecing everything together. She needed to decide what to do, as she highly doubted Nick was just going to stop. She would eventually need to respond. In fact, Nick had called around sunset and she had stupidly, half- awake, picked the phone up. When she had heard his voice, she had taken in a quick breath, startled that he would call her this early, fully aware she often was still asleep at this time. But she didn't say anything, even as he called her name, even as he undoubtedly knew she was there. He again asked her to call, asked her to at least listen. Whatever he had said after that, she didn't know. She had hung up on him. She didn't know what to tell him, not yet. After this much time, she had seriously considered that perhaps Nick would just leave her alone. Perhaps he would never speak to her about what he was again. And then, just when it seemed like there was no possibility of him calling, he does. And again, and again. And each call became more insistent, more pleading. She told herself that she didn't care. He had chosen to wait this long. He had chosen to keep silent for this long. He still was, judging by when they were in the same room. And yet, she couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. Not just what he wanted to do, but what he was thinking. Did he think she wasn't going to help him, no matter what he did? Did he think she wasn't even going to speak to him? Was he worried, upset, saddened by that possibility? And then there were her own questions. For one, if this didn't work out, what was Nick going to do to her? His attempt to make her forget what had happened was still fresh in her mind. He insisted that as a mortal she neither should know what he is, nor needed to know. Would he try making her forget again? Would he just leave? Or would he do something far more drastic? She shivered at the possibility of the last. She wouldn't put it past Nick to do more than try to erase her memories. He had shown her that he at least had the potential to do great harm to others. Whether he actually would or not, she really wasn't sure of anymore. When it came down to it, she really didn't know much about Nick, and unless he drastically changed, she never would know. She knew his name. She knew when he was born and when he was brought across. She knew some of his abilities and some of his weaknesses, but she doubted she knew them all. He had had at least one female friend at some point in his life, but she knew nothing about who she might be. She knew he probably played the piano, that he had been both a cop and a doctor of some sort in the past, and that he preferred French operas to Italian operas. And she knew that he had killed in the past. Really, that's about all she knew about Nick other than medical facts and what he had answered, back in the beginning. And, considering he was a vampire and she knew more about what he was than who he was.... That knowledge frightened her somewhat. It also intrigued her and saddened her. In some ways, despite everything, she still saw him as a friend. Or, she would be his friend if he would only let her. And although he was trying, she wondered why he had waited so long, and, for that matter, if he was really up to talking to her even know. She wanted to call him back, but what would she say? If anything, by not answering, by not calling him back or talking to him when he called, things were only getting worse. When she went in to work that night, she found her desk drawer open slightly. She knew that the drawer had been locked when she left the night before, which meant it had somehow been broken into. Worse still, there, sitting right on top of her desk was the notebook that she had kept a log of her progress with Nick in. She had brought it back to work long ago, and hadn't had the heart to take it home just yet. That, and she didn't have a good place to lock it up at home. She had slowly sat down behind her desk, eyes catching on a form just caught in the pages, as if it had been shut in a hurry. Opening the book, she found it had been last opened to her last entry which she had made a couple of days after she had walked out of Nick's place. It had been very short, and was alone on the page. "Communication failing due to distrust. Complete failure?" And Nick had very probably seen it. What he would do now, only he knew. At least he hadn't destroyed the notebook, or taken it with him. But perhaps the fact that it still existed meant he wasn't going to give up. Or maybe it just meant he hadn't had the time. Or, perhaps, that he no longer cared. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. After she had come in to work and found her notebook out, she had neither seen nor heard from Nick for over a week. And then a couple of nights ago, she thought he might have come by in order to try talking to her. She had felt someone watching her, been sure someone was doing just that, but she had turned around too late. The door was swinging closed, no one there. Each night she worried that she would find her notebook gone, but every night she found it right where it was supposed to be. Perhaps that was because she had moved it and locked it in one of the cupboards. She had made sure she was the only one to have the key for it, figuring Nick wouldn't expect her to put the book in a cupboard. At the same time, she didn't think Nick had tried getting in her desk again. Coming back from lunch one night, Natalie froze in the doorway. On the examination table was a single flower--a daisy--sitting on top of a small, plain card. Nothing was written on the top of the card, what looked like a hand drawn daisy its only decoration. It had to be from Nick. But the question was, did she want to read the note? The flower and the card seemed innocent enough. And it was subtler than his other attempts. She feared reading the inside of the card for what was in it. Would it be some plea with her to talk to him? Some plea for her to help him? Natalie picked the note up, opening it. And inside was simply 'I'm sorry', and four numbers. In fact, they were the same four numbers he had given her before. He hadn't changed his alarm code. She turned the note over, seeing the faint ghost of writing on the back. 'Please come'. Below that, he had signed his name. His full name. His mortal name. Nick was giving her the choice to either come or not. He was giving her the option. And she was so tempted. So very tempted, even if this wasn't going to work. After all, what would it hurt to go over to his place? He had tried to talk to her and she hadn't answered. He at least deserved a chance to give his side. Maybe she should go, but not right now. And not today, either. She needed time to get some strategies on what to do if Nick ended up uncooperative again, as well as other ideas to hopefully keep their conversation moving smoothly. Elusive Gains - Natalie - (19/26) It had taken Natalie two nights to finally answer Nick's note. After making sure Nick wasn't at the precinct, she drove over and nearly hit the intercom before putting the alarm code in. After all, Nick had simply given her the code. He was probably waiting for her. She took the elevator up and, like the last time she had come, he didn't pull the door open. She slowly pushed it to the side, pausing a moment before stepping out of the freight and into Nick's home. Nick had most of the lights off. He was sitting in the kitchen at the far end of the table. He met her eyes, but quickly looked away. She approached and he gestured silently to the chair opposite him. "Nick, I--" "Please, sit." Natalie tensed at the even tone. She sat down carefully, looking over at him as he leaned back in his chair. She hadn't quite expected this. Or maybe she had, and just thought it would work out differently. "Before you say anything, I want to make it clear that if we continue, it will be your choice. You have no obligation to help me, you never have, and I want it to be clear that you have no obligation in the future." "And if I decide not to help you?" she asked, wondering where he was going with this. "If I decide against helping you find a cure, what then?" "Then we will not speak of what I am ever again, nor will you see me ever again. I'll be gone from this city and your life. Completely." "And?" "And what? We will either resume our work, or cease it." "What would you like me to do? What would you prefer?" "What would I prefer? What I want is irrelevant." "No, it isn't. If you don't want to continue, I don't want to push you." "If I hadn't wanted to continue, I would not have asked you here. I would have left the city by now." "Then why did you wait so long before trying to talk to me?" He looked away from her. She hated it when he did that. "Nick, tell me." "I...had come to the morgue to speak with you the first night of your vacation. You weren't there. When I found you were gone on vacation, I wasn't sure what to think. I thought that perhaps I had already waited too long." "Perhaps you had." When he looked away, she couldn't help but feel pleased. He had at least considered the possibility that he had completely screwed up. "And why did you wait as long as you did before calling? You had plenty of time before that." "It was several days before I had recovered even partially. There was more pain as the effects slowly wore off and I couldn't ingest anything. Not blood, nor water, alcohol...anything. I went to work even though I shouldn't have. The hunger didn't return for over a week...the night I came to the morgue was the first time I felt a bit more normal. I had finally been able to feed, and I felt a little stronger. I didn't want to risk it before then in case...in case things didn't go well." "And?" "And I'm sure you know what happened shortly after that--I was put on suspension. The hunger returned with such a force I couldn't focus." "And the last time we spoke? When I asked you what had happened?" "I shouldn't have lied. I was afraid that even if I told you, you'd be angry. You knew what I had done, didn't you?" "I saw what was on the counter." He nodded. "Can I ask what it was?" He stared at her, clearly not thrilled with the idea of explaining. But, he also didn't look like he was going to refuse her, so she prodded, "Nick...." "It--" He looked away. "It was what I thought was a legitimate cure. It seemed like it could be. And I had tried it in the past, many years ago. But then, I had been short an ingredient. Then it had seemed to work, but didn't. I had hoped that with all the proper ingredients, it would work. I thought it would be safe. One ingredient less, and all it did was weaken me, make me a little more mortal. I didn't feed for days, couldn't...and then I killed several on the rebound from its effects. That's why I didn't say anything before trying it. I didn't want you around if or when the hunger returned." "And this time? What happened this time?" "It was close. I felt it trying to change me, I felt...." Nick closed his eyes. "I thought it would work, that perhaps it was working. I hadn't planned to tell you because I didn't want you to worry. And I didn't think it would get as bad as it did. I was weak, and in far more discomfort than before. There was far more pain. I should have come to you as soon as I realised it was worse, different, but I waited. And then...I didn't want to hear your reaction when you found out. I really, truly, thought that if it did work, it would ease your search. I know things have been...hard for you since I showed up. And I know I am and have been the source of it." "Nick, I--" "No, let me finish. Let me...what I did, why I did it...it's hard to explain." After a second, Natalie nodded. She would like to know why. And this time he was at least offering it up to her. "Please know that I did not intend to betray you in any way. But I had to try it. It was an urge just as powerful as a vampire's instinct to drink blood, to kill for blood. I wasn't thinking straight, and I didn't have much time if some of the ingredients were to remain fresh. I had no choice but to try it right then if I wished to try it at all, and the urge.... I truly thought that it would work, or if it didn't, that it would be like before. I was also afraid to go to you as I didn't know what was happening, because it was different. I didn't know if I would be in control or not. But in the end, even though I knew you would be angered by this, I knew I could go to you. I might not show it, but I do trust you. I trust you more than most others." Natalie pursed her lips. Nick had done a lot of assuming. But he at least seemed sincere. She wasn't sure it was a good idea to continue working with him, but neither did she think it was a bad idea. Why was this so hard a choice? "Natalie, if you need time, you can come back later. I just want you to know I'm serious in wanting to do this. I wanted to explain. Take however long you want or need to decide what to do with it." She closed her eyes. She was going to do this again; she had to. She could barely believe it, but she would. He had already given her the explanation she had been waiting for. "I don't need time, Nick. I've had plenty of time to think about this." "Then you've decided?" "Yes." Natalie watched him perk up slightly, but she could also see his fear that she would refuse. Despite his hopefulness, she didn't relax, not yet. "Nick, I'll work with you, but you have to do what I tell you to." "Is there more?" "Mainly that if you screw up like this again soon, you will regret it. I'm not going to let you endanger your life like you did when I'm trying to help you." Natalie watched his eyes flash slightly with gold just before he turned away. She could see his anger at her tone; see as he bristled at her words. "I'm serious, Nick." "I don't want to drop it. I won't." He looked at her, eyes calm and normal. But he was still holding back. "I can't. And I can't guarantee--" "I know you can't," she said, nodding. She watched him stand and walk over to the counter. "I-I'm not saying I understand it all, but knowing you do keep trying, that you do want this with or without my help.... It helps me be willing to do this. But you have to start trusting me. More than what you have been. That's a requirement, Nick." She waited for a comment, but he had gone silent on her. Stone cold silent. "Nick?" "Would you like some...coffee or something?" he asked, turning in a single swift moment. "Uh...sure, I guess, if you have some." When he went about pulling out a coffee maker and coffee, and then started it up, she was a little surprised. After all, what would a vampire--particularly one that didn't have many visitors--have coffee and a coffee maker around? But she knew why. It was for her. It was hard not to walk over to him, especially considering he seemed to know what he was doing, but she stayed sitting at the table. After several minutes of silence while it brewed, Natalie smiled as he placed a mug of coffee in front of her. However, it faded when Nick resumed his seat with nothing in front of him. "You can drink something, I don't mind." "No, I'm fine." Natalie took a sip from the cup, but only a sip. It didn't taste bad, but it was still too hot to drink much of it. "Your brother. What did you tell him? I remember him there...I'm sure you had to tell him something." "I told him that you were pushing yourself too hard and that you passed out from dehydration," she said, repeating what she'd told both Richard and Schanke several days after Nick's incident. "And his reaction?" "He believed it, if that's what you're asking." "No, I mean.... Natalie, I do remember a little of what he was saying to me. Schanke had apparently talked to him. What of that?" "I did some explaining." "Lying?" Natalie hesitated, not sure what to make of either the question or the hint of curtness in his tone. So what if she had lied? And if she kept helping Nick, it probably wouldn't be her last lie. "Some. I couldn't very well tell him what you are. Nor could I tell him you'd essentially drunk a concoction that as far as either of us knew could have killed you. I don't think that would have gone over well, either." "And?" "And what?" "And is he still of the mindset of trying to ruin me?" "No. No, he believed what I told him. It seemed to be more than enough of an explanation." She paused, not sure if she should continue her thought or not. When Nick didn't comment after a couple seconds, she told him, "And, really, he was more concerned for me than wanting to ruin you. I was the one that mentioned that, not him. And he hasn't said anything more about what happened...other than that he'd like to meet you and apologise." "What?" "He'd like to meet you and--" "No, I mean why?" "Because you're my friend and he feels he was too harsh. And I told him I'd see if I could get you to come over to his place. You will, won't you?" "But, I can't." Having been preparing to take a sip of the coffee, Natalie abruptly put the mug of coffee on the table. Why couldn't he ask how, and not tell her he can't? "Why not?" "Because going over...Natalie, I can't exactly go over for dinner. He'd notice something." "I know. I'll make sure it's not for dinner. I'll make sure that at most it's just to talk, to visit." "Then perhaps." "Good." She gave him a smile and sipped her coffee. It was getting cooler, and, amazingly, only tasting better. A bit strong for her, perhaps, but good. "You and your brother...you seem close." Natalie was a bit surprised at the statement. "I suppose you could say that. Why?" "Just a curiosity, you could say." "A curiosity? I thought personal topics were off-limits. And I thought that included both you knowing more about me and me knowing about you." He tried to smile. "I think perhaps it might be good to get rid of that rule." Natalie was stunned. He was dropping this without much warning. Or maybe the warning had been him willing to keep working. After all, things had to change. Maybe Nick was starting to get that. "Then you can start by telling me something about yourself." He shifted uncomfortably. "Nat, not that again...." She grinned, even as he looked ready to run off. And yet he didn't. "Come on. Just one thing." "Anything?" "Anything." "Like what?" "Like, ah," Natalie scanned his home, her eyes again settling on his piano. She had always wondered what was behind that. Turning her attention back to Nick, she asked, "Tell me why you have a piano." "I play." "Yes, but tell me a bit more behind that. I know pianos didn't exist when you were mortal. I'm curious how you came to play it." "Immortality is very long, and hobbies are sometimes useful. I started primarily because it was a good way to pass the time." When he just stopped, Natalie prodded, "Come on, there's more. I know there is. How did you learn?" "I had to learn from mortals, of course, as it was a relatively new instrument. I'll never play like them, though. A vampire can never portray the music with as much depth as a mortal. But, I supposed it interested me. I didn't truly want to learn at first, but I liked the music, and, as I said, it was a way to pass time." "Were you, ah, encouraged by someone?" she asked, and his eyes narrowed. "I'm just curious, it just sounded like it, perhaps, wasn't entirely your choice?" "Something like that, but I don't think I'd call it encouragement." "So, any other hobbies?" she asked, as Nick's last response had become vague. But she was satisfied by it. "A few." "Like?" "I thought you said one question.... This is turning into an interview." She smiled at his semi-playful tone. At least he wasn't becoming angry at her curiosity. "Yes, well, you haven't been very forthcoming, you have to admit. And I'm still on the topic of your hobbies. So, what else do you do in your spare time? Hmm?" "Painting." Natalie looked behind her, looked around Nick's home. She didn't see any canvases or paint. Nothing. Nor had she on previous visits. "It's not in here." "I'd like to see your paintings some time. Perhaps somewhere in here? You have plenty of space…." "Maybe. I'll consider it." "I take it that it's a bit like the piano, then?" "Now, yes." "But?" "But I initially got into it for very different reasons. Very, very different reasons." She saw the twinkle in his eye, hiding something. And she doubted he would ever tell her the story behind that. In fact, he almost seemed to drift off into his thoughts, as if it was a very rememberable time in his life. However, if his expression was any indication, she doubted the time had consisted of entirely pleasant memories. "Any others?" she probed, wondering what else he would say. "Nothing really. Just the past, history. I'm not sure I'd call it a hobby. It's more like a side effect of living through the centuries." "Do others of your kind have an affinity for history? For the past?" She watched him stiffly lean back, and then stand. "Nick, I--" "We will not speak of others of my kind." "Nick--" "We will not speak of them," he hissed, fangs prominent, his eyes golden and glistening in the low light. Natalie stood and took several steps back and away, nearly knocking over her chair. Even though the change was quick and complete, it was also only momentary, and she came to a stop as he glanced away for a second. "Nick?" "I'm sorry. Personal questions are one thing, but questions specifically about others of my kind, however indirect they might be, will not be answered. I think perhaps we should continue this another time." She nodded, even though it was clearly not a suggestion. "And Natalie? I really do want to continue this later. And...tell your brother that I accept his invitation." Natalie nodded again, still a bit startled from his reaction to her last question. She hadn't been too surprised by his refusal, but when he had changed...that she hadn't expected. Apparently, this was something she was not going to get answers about. Nearly turning to leave, she stopped when she spotted him walking toward the counter and a sheet of paper. She hadn't seen it earlier, the paper's edges blending in with the surface of the counter. "I kept a record of what I drank and when. The...whole time since then," he explained, picking it up and sheepishly looking toward her. "I don't know if you want it or not." "Will I like it?" she asked, a bit curious. She could almost see the answer as he again momentarily glanced away. "No. No, you won't like it. I mean, the last week isn't bad, but not all of it." "Then keep it," she told him. "It's probably better the less I know about how far you slipped, isn't it?" "Probably." "Then I'd like you to work on cutting back again. Slowly. Don't force it, just start where you're at, got that? And remember what I told you. I meant it, Nick." "And I meant what I said, too. Including that I would like to continue our conversation. Just...please don't ask about the others again. Not about specifics." "Can I ask something about that? Something small?" "You can ask, but I can't guarantee I'll answer." "These others...." Natalie saw Nick cringe back, but he didn't stop her. "I take it you are, ah, close to some of these others?" "I have been. A couple, yes." "Is that--" "I won't say any more on this. I'm sorry, but I won't." Natalie nodded. She was going to say something more, but the tone of his voice told her that it would be best to just nod and leave. She turned as she reached the elevator, turned to find him watching her. "I'll see you later, then?" He nodded. "Yes, later." She gave him a forced but easy smile, wanting to keep her departure upbeat, and then slid the elevator door to the side and got in. Their conversation had been going so well.... And then she had touched something that was obviously not an exception to dropping the rule on sharing personal information. She could ask about Nick, but she couldn't ask about his interactions with others like himself. In a way, she could see his reasons for halting the conversation there. She wasn't a vampire and, from his standpoint, had no right to know anything about vampires in the first place. Her knowing about him was probably plenty enough, let alone those he knew. But she hadn't liked how cold his response had been, how abrupt. He could have easily just told her he would rather not talk about that. But he had snapped at her. She doubted it had been entirely intentional, as he had regained control rather quick. He hadn't expected the question, she suspected, but it still bothered her how he had responded. She wondered why he had reacted as he had. These others...did he know some of them? Were some, perhaps, his friends? Or enemies? He admitted that he was close to 'a couple' of his kind, but just what that meant she had no idea. Two? Three? A few? Were there others here in Toronto that he socialised with? Had something happened between him and these others? Is that why he found the topic sensitive? Or was it simply what she initially thought, that as a human, as a mortal, she didn't have the right to know about them? That she would be safer not knowing about them? She closed her eyes as the elevator stopped. She couldn't wait here, wondering all day. Nick at least seemed, other than that one question, like he would give answers to more of her curiosity. Elusive Gains - Natalie - (20/26) Natalie looked over to where Nick sat in the driver's seat. After his insistence, she had eventually decided to let him drive them to her brother's. She didn't really mind, although it was a bit annoying giving him directions. Especially when he seemed to know the area as well as she and needed very little instruction. It had been barely a week since they had resumed work together on Nick's cure. In fact, between each of their jobs, they hadn't even been able to continue their previous conversation. She had already brought it up to Nick, not long after they had left his place. And what had he said? 'Visiting with your brother should be plenty to satisfy your curiosity.' Nick had a plan, it seemed. Or an idea of where the conversation would head. So did she, for that matter. Richie wasn't going to just let Nick sit there and listen. She expected her brother would be asking a lot about Nick...and Nick would, in the end, probably have to answer or think of a way out of answering. The closer they got, the more she dreaded this. Nick didn't seem much of a people person from what she had seen and if Nick avoided her brother's questions like he avoided hers, she knew Richie would get frustrated. Nick was good at not saying everything, at keeping his responses vague and, often, more than one conclusion could be drawn from them. For idle conversation, perhaps it worked. But this? "Natalie? Is this the right house?" She looked out the window, only now realising Nick had stopped the car. And yep, they were there. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea? "Yeah, it is." Nick turned the car off and asked, "Are you ready?" "I think I'm the one that should be asking that question, Nick." He managed a faint smile. "I'll be okay, I think." He turned off the ignition and got out. "Your brother is probably waiting for us." Natalie opened her door and stepped out on the sidewalk. They slowly walked up toward the door, Nick following close behind her. She didn't think her brother was waiting, per se; perhaps more worried about what would happen, about how things would go. After all, Richard knew a fair amount about Nick, although most of it was second hand and she didn't want to know how much of that was from Schanke. She was worried that Richard would notice something about Nick even though Nick had mentioned he would be fine, that he could manage a drink or two. With how he managed most of what she gave him, she couldn't see that going over too well. And yet, Nick had gotten drunk. Granted, he had been drunk on blood before the alcohol, but it showed that his system could handle it and had made it clear to her that he could, indeed, drink a bit of alcohol from time to time without any trouble. Taking in a deep breath, she pressed the doorbell and waited. She could practically feel Nick standing behind her, hovering behind her. There was something about him standing there, so close. She hadn't felt it before, but how often were they this close to one another and not speaking? Not often, really, even with Nick's past tendency to not answer her questions. Natalie started slightly as the door opened, and then smiled when her brother answered. Introductions--mostly of Nick to Sarah, as Amy had already gone to bed--went rather quickly and quite smoothly. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all? *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. They had gotten off to a very slow and awkward start. After introductions had followed a short conversation concerning what had happened at the morgue. Richard had apologised for making assumptions, and Nick refused to accept it, telling him that there was no way Richard could have known. It wasn't long before Sarah apologised and excused herself, mentioning it had been a long day and she needed to catch up on sleep so she could get up to take Amy to school in the morning. When she mentioned she hoped Nick would come by again, Nick managed to keep a straight expression, and while Richard and Sarah didn't seem to notice anything wrong, Natalie could see his dislike at the idea. After all, Nick had to get through tonight first. Nick and Richard had started talking about past cases of all things. Sitting listening to the two, Natalie felt markedly out of place. Her brother had asked Nick about he liked his work, and Nick had somehow changed the topic to some of the cases he had worked on. And Richard hadn't bothered changing it back. It wasn't necessarily that she didn't have anything to say--she had plenty of old cases of her own to add in including her side of some of the cases they referenced--but the conversation wasn't quite what she had either expected or hoped for. Nick was, again, distancing himself. If not literally from people, he was at least keeping himself out of the topic. Along with herself and Richard, for that matter. Natalie practically zoned out until her brother refilled Nick's drink. Only then did she realise Nick had even touched his glass. And, indeed, it had been empty. "So, Nick, Natalie hasn't told me much about you. Mentioned you were from Chicago?" "Yeah, I suppose you could say that." "Born in Chicago?" "Yeah." Nick took a sip of his glass. "What about you? Natalie hasn't mentioned whether she's from Toronto or not." "Yeah, we're Toronto natives," Richard answered. Then, after giving a glance to Natalie, he added, "I'm surprised Natalie didn't say anything." "I had asked her to keep our relationship entirely professional. I didn't want to impose on her life." "I'm surprised you came, then. I am, after all, Natalie's family, and family usually doesn't contribute to a professional-" "You know Natalie is my doctor, correct?" "She mentioned something along those lines." "Let's just say the purely professional distance wasn't working too well." "My question is, why Natalie? You didn't seem to know each other previously, and it's somewhat odd, really, I mean, Natalie never even mentioned you to me. How did you two end up meeting?" "I met Nick through a mutual acquaintance," Natalie told her brother, vaguely remembering what she had told Schanke. "Someone I went to medical school with asked me if I was still in Toronto, said that if I was, they might have a patient for me--" "And I was the patient." "Nick's medical history is a bit complicated, and not all that interesting, actually," Natalie mentioned brusquely. It was enough to get her brother to drop the subject, and to get Nick to drink more of his glass.... Natalie looked at her own glass, which she had only taken a few small sips of. She didn't particularly like scotch. Glancing over at Nick, however, it was clear that he didn't seem to mind it much. "You have any family around here, Nick?" Natalie put her glass down, figuring if things continued, it would be better not to drink any more of it. She looked to Nick, who seemed reluctant to answer. Not that she blamed him. His family was surely gone, and she was curious what he would say. "Nick?" "Ah, not around here. Not any more." "Are they back in Chicago?" "No, I don't have any living family." "I'm sorry, I didn't mean--" "It's been some time," Nick said, cutting Richard off. "I don't mind discussing it." "What happened?" Nick shifted in discomfort, and Natalie had to work to suppress a smile. "I don't think Nick meant he didn't mind asking what happened." Then, hoping she was right, prodded, "You never mentioned if you had any brothers or sisters." "I had a sister. A younger sister," he answered, taking a sip of his drink. Natalie watched his attention drift off. When he took another drink of his glass, a large drink, finishing off the glass, she became concerned. "Nick, is something wrong?" "No, nothing's wrong. She became ill, but there wasn't anything I could do. She didn't recover. Her name was Fleur." "That's a pretty name." Nick smiled at Natalie. "Yes. According to my mother, I was the one that named her. I don't actually remember it, though. I...don't have very many memories from when I was a child." Natalie took that in. Did that mean he didn't have many memories from his childhood, or from when he was mortal in general? Nick was, after all, nearly eight hundred years old. Once you got that old, did some memories simply become inaccessible? Did it eventually come to there being too many memories so that the less important, less-often remembered memories vanished into oblivion? "You and Natalie seem close," Nick commented as he reached forward for the bottle of scotch, and poured some more. "We lost our parents when we were younger." Natalie watched Nick freeze and shift in his seat at the statement. She had never told him anything about her past, not even where she had gone to medical school. "It's fine, Nick." "Our grandmother raised us until Natalie turned eighteen. Then we left and, well, that was just about the end of that." "Very much the end of that," Natalie added, just as uncomfortable as Nick with the change of topic. Maybe this was what it was like for Nick when she asked about the others? Perhaps there were more bad memories there than good, and it wasn't worth remembering the good for the bad. If so, she could almost understand his reaction. The time she had spent at her grandmother's wasn't particularly pleasant. It hadn't been long, but she and her grandmother had disagreed on much. Richie had it a little better off, but she hadn't been about to leave him there. Abruptly, Natalie realised both Nick and Richard were looking at her. She forced herself to relax. She couldn't zone off like this when Nick was actually doing quite good. "I'm okay. Really." When their attention didn't completely stray, she asked her brother, "Did you know Nick plays the piano? He hasn't let me hear him yet, though." "He hasn't?" "No, he hasn't." "It's just a hobby," Nick quickly protested. Natalie smiled. She knew how much time Nick had. "And I'll bet that it's a well-honed hobby. Isn't that right?" Nick looked at her innocently, and she knew right then that it was. It only made her curious at his other hobbies, including the ones he didn't quite tell her about, specifically the ones relating to history and the past. She smiled again, thinking about vampires, hobbies, and the wonderful possibility when the two were mixed. All that time to do whatever one wanted...she envied Nick that. "Nick's got quite a few hobbies, actually." "Really?" Richard asked. "You collect coins by any chance?" "Uh, well...Natalie got me one. I have a few others, but not a lot. Fairly random. It's more of a...curiosity than a hobby." Natalie watched as Nick squirmed for a moment. But it was a good squirm. And, as Richard mentioned about going to get some of his coins, she watched Nick's interest pique a bit more. And even as her brother tried to get Nick to say what coins he had, she watched Nick keep that information strictly to himself. But he wasn't tense doing it. He was relaxed. Whether or not it was the scotch, she didn't know, but he at least seemed to be enjoying himself. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. By the time Richard had finished showing off his coin collection, it was very late. She and Nick hadn't gone over until after nine o'clock to begin with, and she suggested they leave, if only for her brother to get to bed. All for all, Nick's little outing had gone well. He really didn't share much, but it was far more than she had ever gotten out of him before. Until now, he had never said anything about his mortal life. And now she knew he probably had a sister. The reference seemed too affect him too much for it to be made up for her and her brother's benefit. She looked over at Nick, watching him drive. He seemed to be thinking, probably about some of what came up. Although she didn't want to interrupt him, between her curiosity and hope that alcohol didn't affect vampires quite as much as mortals, she asked, "About your sister, is what you said true?" "What do you mean?" he asked, glancing at her sharply. "Well, for one, did you really have a sister?" "Yes, I did." "You said she died young. Do you mean young, as a child?" "No. No, she didn't die as a child. It was after I had become a vampire, nearly twenty years later. She was in her late thirties. Still young to die." Natalie pursed her lips slightly, and then asked, "Did you have any other brothers or sisters?" "Yes." "And?" He glanced to his right, and then quickly focused back on the road. "And I honestly didn't spend much time with most of them. Even Fleur...she had been very young when I had left. And with what happened to me.... I never really, truly, got to return home." "What do you mean, with--" "Becoming a vampire." "Did you have other family? A wife, or--" "No. No, I never married as a mortal." Natalie looked out the window as they headed back to Nick's. From what it sounded like, Nick's life had essentially ended when he had become a vampire. No more family nor hope of having one. But something seemed out of place...how come he hadn't married? Did he ever go back to his home? And while it seemed clear that he was never married as a mortal, had he been married as a vampire? There was so much she wanted to ask him about that, about his life then. Particularly at the ten or more years before he became a vampire, as it sounded as if he had possibly spent that time away from home. But where? She wanted to ask, but she knew Nick had had enough for the night. "How did I do?" She smiled at him. "Good." "What's next?" "Just keep your blood intake in check and I'll think of something, okay?" She saw his hesitancy in answering. "Don't worry, it'll be fun, I hope. And fun isn't out of the question, is it?" "No, it's not out of the question. Let's just take it slowly...I don't think I'll be dragged out to play games at an arcade or anything. Not if you want me to keep things going smoothly, at least." Natalie nodded. He didn't have to spell it out. No overly public places, no places surrounded by mortals. She suspected some would be fine, but no malls, no amusement parks or the like. That still left a lot...but that just meant a lot to pick from. Elusive Gains - Natalie - (21/26) "I don't get it," Nick told her, waving a note in his hand. Natalie saw the note, and sighed. She hadn't expected questions on this. Barely two weeks after she starts helping him again, and although his mood had been nothing but pleasant--or perhaps because he was nothing but pleasant--she was afraid he would flip polarity again and everything would be lost. And this...this wasn't even hard. "What's not to get? It's pretty straight forward, isn't it?" "'Go to a toy store and buy any one item.'" "Nick.... Put it this way, buy something resembling a toy, and--" She stopped, seeing his slight smile turning into a grin and nearly more. "What are you smiling at? And don't you dare start laughing...." "I take it you mean a children's toy store?" "What else--" Natalie saw the twinkle in his eye, realised what other kinds of stores there might be, and hit him roughly in the arm; roughly but playfully. It didn't affect the twinkle. "Don't you even say it, Nick. But yeah, okay, you got me. I should have been more specific. Buy something that you might find in a child's room, okay? I'm leaving it at that. Ignore what is on the note." She turned away, blushing, watching Nick's gaze follow her. "Nick, you--" Natalie froze as Schanke walked in, forgetting what she was going to say. "Ah, maybe prep for your blood sample while I talk to Schanke, okay?" she said, whispering so that Schanke wouldn't hear. Natalie walked over to the other detective, half of her attention still on Nick, making sure he started doing as asked. "What do you need, Schank?" "Autopsy results for Jacob Parks." "You mean Jacob's parts?" Natalie asked, trying not to smile. After all, Jacob *had* arrived in three pieces.... "Very funny, Nat, very funny...just don't tell me I got to see the body again or anything, okay? I'd rather not." "No problem, and...." Natalie walked over to her desk where the report in question sat in a manila folder. "Mr. Jacob Parks." She handed him the report and watched as he flipped through it, her gaze drifting back to Nick several times. Schanke's attention also turned in Nick's direction. "So, what's he doing here?" he asked, giving a nod toward Nick. "Just a check-up. One of those pretty much pointless things, really." At the last, she looked to Nick, who glanced away. They both knew it wasn't entirely pointless. If she had to draw a vial of blood every week for the rest of her life, she would do it if that helped keep Nick on track. "And I had asked you to prep for your blood sample, Nick." "Blood sample? You mean one of those things to check if anything's wrong? What, is he on something?" "Schanke...." "Yes, Natalie's treating me with something." "Well, have fun stickin' him, Natalie. And let me know if you find anything else that might come in useful." Natalie breathed out as Schanke left, and Nick's attention remained fixed on her. And his positively playful mood from earlier had vanished. His mood had flipped like a light switch with Schanke there. "Do you really have to take another sample?" "Yes. I want to make sure you're doing as you say." "But I am, and I will. You know that." Natalie shook her head and pulled out the needed supplies to take the blood sample. "You don't trust me?" She sighed. "Nick, I've tried not taking blood samples before. It didn't work, though, did it? You ended up just fudging on your food diary. I might consider trying again, but not at the moment. Now, roll up your sleeve so you can get back to work, okay?" She watched him reluctantly agree, his attention drifting as she swabbed the skin and took the sample. "When will you be by?" "How about a week from tonight, not long after sunrise? That way I can maybe get your blood sample then?" Natalie expected a groan or something, but he just nodded, not even giving her an attempt at a smile. "And before you go, remember about your homework." "Do I really have to do that part? You know, actually go to a toy store?" "Well, it might be good for you. If you ever do become mortal, who knows, you might get to go in one sometime." Natalie watched his face contort into something...really odd. "Nick, come on...get an etch-a- sketch or rubric cube or something. I mean, those things aren't entirely limited to children. You do know what those things are, right?" "So, anything that might be found in a child's room?" he asked, not answering her. "That's right. Buy something that you think is interesting, okay?" "And...no blood sample?" "Nick...." "Right. Blood sample." She pursed her lips and he slipped out before she could say anything about it, and then went to make a slide of Nick's blood. She still hated it when he just left even if it wasn't quite like before, when he would walk out without even an acknowledgement.... *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Going by Nick's the following week, she had him buzz her in. Once out of the elevator, Natalie walked slowly forward as she looked for some indication of her little task for him. But nothing was out of place. Absolutely nothing. Except maybe that the loft was the brightest she had ever seen it with most of the lights on and the window shutters up, letting in sunlight. Although she was pleased at the amount of light, it didn't dissuade her attention from noticing that Nick didn't appear to have done as asked. She approached Nick, who stood waiting near the piano. "Nick, you didn't go to a toy store, did you?" "What's the point?" "Nick...the point was, as I said, to essentially broaden your exposure to the mortal world. You weren't supposed to get a stuffed animal or something like that...and there's lots of 'toys' in stores that are just as interesting to adults." "I didn't get a toy or a game, exactly, but--" "But what?" Natalie crossed her arms. "I got something that would, I think, be found in a child's room. I think you'll like it." "And? I don't see it." She waited, and surprisingly caught a slight smile. Nick was up to something. Then she saw the remote in his hand that she knew operated the shutters over the windows and many other things. What had she missed? "What are you up to?" "You'll see." Nick went over and turned off some of the lights, but the room was still bright from the open windows letting in the morning light. Returning to Natalie, he pointed the remote at each window, pressing a button and closing the shutters. As the room dimmed to near blackness, Natalie's attention was turned upward by odd glints of...light? All over the ceiling were stars. Glow in the dark stars. "Is this something like what you had in mind? I'll probably take them down, but...." Natalie just stared up, head craned back and mouth open, not even registering Nick's statement. "God, Nick, how did you get the things up there? And...geez, is that a constellation?" She stared at the slightly fading glow of what looked like Orion, wondering how long it had taken Nick to do this. "And?" "And?" she repeated, turning to look in the vague direction of Nick's outline. "Not quite what I expected, but yeah, it works. Next time I think I'll pick something a bit more specific, though. I am a bit curious how you got the idea for this, though...." Nick turned the lights back on, but kept the window shutters closed. "I couldn't pick." "You couldn't pick?" She watched his sheepish expression turn away. "What do you mean, you couldn't 'pick'?" "Well, I wasn't sure what would work best. I figured you were trying to get me to get a game?" "That's right." "Well, I couldn't pick. I didn't want anything I might have an advantage at. So I just kind of...wandered around. For quite a while. I think the clerk thought I was a bit odd." Natalie suppressed a smile at that. Boy would it have been fun to be a fly in whatever store he went to.... "Well, okay, so what made you get the stars?" "What do you mean?" "Well, I figured whatever you got, I'd ask why. So, why the stars? Why not default to one of the things I mentioned?" "I don't know, really." "Aw, come on, Nick. You do have some idea, don't you? I know you do." "I suppose you could say that stars in general bring back memories. I've spent a lot of time looking at the night sky. A lot of time, even when I was still mortal." He forced a weak smile. "I was just looking, trying to pick, and I figured it would be interesting. You did say I was supposed to pick something interesting?" "I did, didn't I? And I have no idea how you got the things up there." She watched Nick smile. "What?" "You should know." "No, Nick, I don't. The ceiling is...well, it's quite a ways up." He just grinned at her. "Come on, Nick." "I flew." "Flew? Wait, you mean you can fly, I mean, really fly? I thought you had to be close to the ground or something, like it was maybe more a quick movement than truly flying. But, Nick, that's...how?" "So? Want a demonstration?" "Of course I want a demonstra--" she cut off as he sped over to her and she felt an oddly familiar bit of unease as he picked her up. And as soon as she realised there was nothing below her feet, she shut her eyes as tight as she could get them. The next couple of seconds she didn't know whether to scream or throw up...and then her feet were back on the ground again, her stomach feeling a bit better, and Nick had released her. Opening her eyes, she found that he had taken her up to the balcony, and she swayed somewhat as she gripped the rail and looked down to the lower level. "Are you okay?" "Ah, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I think. Just...no more literal demonstrations, okay? Or none involving me, not without some type of advanced warning." She smiled when Nick's excited expression remained. "So, you just flew up there and stuck 'em up? Just like that?" "Pretty much." Natalie craned her head up at the ceiling again, then looked all the way down to the floor of the loft. Still, to her it was quite a ways up and quite a ways down, and the difference between those was just.... Just thinking about Nick sticking them up and then flying back down for more made her a bit dizzy and nauseated. Despite this, she couldn't help her curiosity, and asked, "Hmm...uh, can I actually see you fly? I mean, I really haven't gotten to see you fly yet, have I? More just felt it, and, well, I'd kind of like to...." She waited, but he just stood before her, hesitant to give an answer or react. "Just...maybe you could fly up and get one of the stars down. That wouldn't be too much to ask, would it?" "I suppose not." Natalie stood and waited, but again he didn't seem prepared to do anything. "So...are you going to show me?" "Now?" "Yeah, now. Why not now?" Nick gave another smile. "Yes, why not." And then he flew up to the ceiling. Natalie watched him, stunned at the ease of the action and that Nick seemed to have full control of his movements. And then, before she could really watch him, he flew down to the loft floor, landing with what looked like practised ease. He practically stepped right into a walk from the air and turned, walking toward the base of the stairs. She hurried down the steps to Nick, and he held out the plastic star he had taken down. "How was that?" Natalie took the star and looked up to where it had been stuck just moments ago, back to the star, and then finally to Nick. "I think that just threw a theory or so about you out the window. At least until I get used to knowing you can do that." Nick smiled. "And?" "And that was just...I'm at a loss on what to say about it." She recalled how easily he had flown, how easily he had moved. "You've had a lot of practise with that, haven't you?" "Since I was brought across." "I don't suppose you will tell me more about that, will you?" "No." Natalie nodded, but she was glad at the relative calm of his answer, even if it was just one word. "So, was this something you had to learn?" "No, not really. It's instinct. Although, like most things, practise does improve things." "Hmm, you got any other abilities that you're keeping to yourself?" she asked, poking him in the shoulder. "Maybe. Or maybe not." She shook her head at his half-smirk. And, as he hadn't protested her action, she prodded him again. "Come on, there's more." "Not really." "There is, isn't there?" "Honestly, I think we've covered everything." "You're not going to say anything more on this, are you?" "No. Not now. But perhaps later." Nick took the star from Natalie's hand. "So, what should I do with these now?" "You aren't going to keep them? I think they're kind of...neat." "Really, I'd rather not." "Well, then, perhaps when you take them down we can give them to my niece? I think she'd like them." Nick nodded. "Next time we do this, *I'm* picking, okay? I'll bring a game that you shouldn't have too much of an advantage at." She heard him groan and watched his gaze shift away. "Just for that, I should bring one of Amy's old board games or something." "You wouldn't." "Yes, I would, Nick. So behave. And come by tomorrow night so I can get a vial of blood." "I thought you were going to do that now?" "Not after this I'm not." Natalie smiled and started toward the elevator. "I don't want to ruin your mood just yet." She backed into the elevator, watching as he smiled over at her. It was nice to see him smile this much, this openly. And she didn't want him to stop. Elusive Gains - Natalie - (22/26) The next night, Natalie was just about to tell Schanke she didn't have anything more when Nick walked in, diverting both her own attention, as well as Schanke's. "Don't you ever work?" Schanke immediately asked, turning toward Nick. "I'm on break." "And you come to the morgue?" "And I thought you were day shift. You're here late. Shouldn't you be home by now?" "I am on my way home. Just thought I'd see if anything new has come up on one of my cases." Natalie watched Nick give Schanke a smile, hoping they wouldn't get into an argument. "Uh, I'll be with you in a minute, Nick, all right?" "Yeah." She watched him as he walked over to her desk and sat down. Then, turning her attention back to Schanke, she said, "I haven't found anything more regarding Jacob Parks' death. There was just nothing left behind to point his killer, nothing that will help until you have a suspect of some kind to link in or something more to go on. Have you had any luck in other sources?" "No. No luck yet. Still working on it. I have a few hunches, but nothing certain." Schanke's gaze stopped on Nick, who was smiling, drawing Natalie's attention there as well. "What? You aren't having much luck with your present case, either, so don't you dare say a thing." "I'm not." Natalie looked between the two. She could practically feel the bits of animosity boiling between the two. Why oh why did they have to be like this? And why did they have to have such a habit of running into each other? They were on completely different shifts, but seemed to have the worst luck. She took a couple of steps over to Schanke and, taking his arm, guided him so that he was facing the exit. "Out, out," she said, giving him a little shove, explaining, "I need to give Nick his wonderful weekly check-up, and that means out for you." "Who's enjoying these check-ups more? You or him?" Natalie blushed and gave Schanke a more forceful shove. "Hurry on out before I decide to take a sample of your blood, too." Once Schanke was through the door, she turned to Nick, who was grinning. "So, which is it?" "What?" "Who's enjoying this more?" Natalie again blushed. "Get over here and roll up your sleeve. And can't you shut that ultra-sensitive hearing of yours off or something?" "Who says I want to, even if I could?" She quickly went about getting the blood sample, ignoring as best as possible his oddly perky disposition and persistent grin. In fact, she even poked the needle into his arm a bit roughly, hoping he would react. But it didn't do a thing, let alone dampen his mood. Instead, it just took her a bit longer to get the sample, as she hadn't quite hit where she intended. Once she had finished, disposed of the needle, and Nick had pulled his sleeve back down and fastened his cuff, she noticed he didn't appear ready to leave. "Are you wanting to ask something?" "Yes," he said, still smiling. "I'd like to know who is enjoying this more." "You, probably." "And what about the jab with the needle? I think we know who was having more fun there." "You didn't seem to mind much." "It didn't really hurt." "Yes, but you were *smiling*, Nick. Who smiles when they're getting their blood drawn?" And what did he do? He just kept smiling at her like some raving lunatic. And what was she supposed to do in return? Trying not to smile with her own amusement, she told him, "Hmm, well, I'll be by next Wednesday morning, okay? And if I take another blood sample, I'll take it then. I'd rather not have Schanke end up dropping in again when you drop by." "I can't help it if he doesn't like me." "I know." Natalie sighed. Nick had finally stopped grinning at her, though. But now his expression was hardening, probably from just having mentioned Schanke. "And you have been doing really good. And I know you're already trying, but could you maybe try and at least pretend you're not on bad terms with him? Or, well, relax a little. You tense up every time he's around." Nick nodded. "Yeah, I can try. But don't expect me to be his friend or anything." "Well, it probably wouldn't hurt...." "Still." Natalie nodded, now wishing Nick's bright mood hadn't been broken. But it'd be back eventually, she suspected. She watched him leave, waited and just leaned against the counter for a couple of minutes, eyes closed, two vials of Nick's blood still in her hand. And then, suddenly, she heard the door open. But it wasn't Nick; it was Schanke. "What are you doing back here?" "Just checking in on you." "You're checking because Nick was here." "Yeah, and he saw me as he left, I'm sure of it." Schanke approached, eyeing the vials of blood. "Is that Nick's blood? Awfully dark, isn't it?" "Yes, it's Nick's, and it's fine. And, well, not to sound outright rude, but can't you leave him alone? He could use a break, you know. And you could use some more sleep." "A few extra long shifts aren't going to kill me." "They might worry Myra, though." Schanke fidgeted at that, and then stated, "I talked to your brother." "And?" "Well, actually he talked to me. He told me to try to get to know the guy, same thing you're telling me, pretty much. And maybe he isn't that bad. You know, he seems a bit...different lately. Friendlier, I suppose. But then, you knew that, didn't you? But he's just so weird to begin with, and--" "How's your case going?" Natalie asked, having an idea where this was going. "It'd be solved if it was Knight's case." He let out a long breath. "I've got a witness that isn't talking. I'm almost positive they're the killer, or at least know *something* about who did it...but I can't get him to spill a thing. And, short of a full confession, I think the guy is going to get away with it as all the evidence is circumstantial. Like you said--nothing provides a concrete link to anyone. Not from forensics, not acquaintances, not any of the others that have been interviewed. Man, if I could do whatever Knight can do.... It's like he knows exactly what to say to get what he needs." "Well, you could ask him if he'd help out, if you think he might be able to solve your problem. I'm sure you've considered it." "I've considered it, but I'm not sure he'd help. I mean, it's not his case, anyway." "And?" "And I don't like the idea of being obligated to help someone that, frankly, neither wants a partner nor has any wish to take part in temporary collaborations of any kind." "How about if I asked Nick? If you want, I'm sure I could--" "No no no. No. By the time he'd help me, I'd have it all fixed for sure. And don't tell him about me checking in." "Schanke, if he saw you, he might know." "Yeah, well, don't tell him. Just...tell him I had something I forgot to ask you on my case." "Schanke, if he asks, I'm going to tell him." "And the case?" "Again, if he asks. Otherwise, I won't say anything. And Schanke? Please stop checking on me excessively. It really isn't necessary. Give it some thought, and I'm sure you'll agree." "Maybe. I just worry, considering what happened that one night. Can you blame me?" No, she couldn't blame Schanke for checking up on her, not with some of what Schanke had seen. Schanke had the bad luck of having seen Nick at his worst, and none of them could change that. Natalie stiffened, but eventually shook her head. "Good. Then I should probably stop for the night and get home. Myra's getting a bit angry that I'm spending so much time at work lately. Granted, it's mostly this case, but...I told her I'd be home before midnight tonight, and I'm cutting it close. See you, Nat." She nodded as he left and quickly put Nick's samples away so that she could work on them during her lunch break. Schanke at least wasn't quite as concerned as before. She still wished he would stop coming by to check in on her, but knew only time would fix that. With time, Schanke would eventually get used to Nick, and Nick to Schanke. But how long that would take would be anyone's guess. Elusive Gains - Natalie - (23/26) "That's not fair, Nick," Natalie said as she watched him put red hotels on all of the green properties. And she always landed on those. Why had she even considered letting him buy any of her properties, let alone the one green one he had needed to start building? But she knew why; it was because she had nearly been bankrupt. And yet, while that single action had let her survive and actually gain a bit of money...now she was already approaching bankruptcy again. And to think, Nick had barely survived at the beginning. Now he had half the bank. Literally. "It's fair. You have all the yellow ones," Nick said from where he sat on the other side of the board, the side with the yellow and red properties. "But I don't have hotels on them. Let alone *two* hotels. And you *could* have just left them with the houses...that would have been fair." "I like the hotels. And it's neater." "Neater? *I* liked the houses better, and yours had been plenty neat sitting there, all in a row...." Natalie shifted, and then reluctantly picked up the dice. But she didn't throw them, instead rolling them within her hand, thinking. Why had she insisted playing on the floor, and why, for that matter, had she brought Monopoly? Because it was a common, easy game that she hadn't thought Nick would have much of an advantage at and figured would be a good choice whether or not he had played it in the past. She hadn't expected the game to last this long. She had even thought that she would perhaps win when he really hadn't been very enthusiastic about the idea of playing and had gotten off to a bad start. And then, she started landing on Nick's properties and she started losing her money. Luck had done her in. Either that, or Nick had a way with those dice. She threw the dice, landed on one of the chance spaces, picked up her card and.... She threw the card at Nick and shoved her piece, the car, over to the jail square. "Your move." Nick threw the dice, got an eleven, went past go, and landed on a railroad. Natalie sighed and pulled two hundred out of the bank, which she was in charge of, and tossed them his way. The railroad, of course, was his, and the horse and rider waited for its next move. "Here," Nick said, tossing a blue fifty on the board, toward her. She pushed it back toward him. "I do have enough money to get out of jail, you know. Besides, I'm going to try for doubles first." And then she tried, but didn't get it. Their next several turns went quickly. Nick kept landing relatively safely, and she kept rolling badly. Finally, she paid the fifty dollars to get out of jail, rolled, and got eleven, landing on the first red property. It was, thankfully, hers, and she grinned over at Nick. He rolled, landed on one of her yellow properties, and then forked over the measly rent gained by her two houses. Then, she took the dice and rolled a four and a six. Ten. And ten would take her right over to one of Nick's new double hotel properties. No. That was just...no. "Let's just quit, okay?" She crossed her arms when he smiled at her. "Really, Nick. I don't have enough to pay that. I'm sure of it." Nick took her piece and moved it slowly forward, looking up at Natalie as he slowly moved it along the squares. All that was missing was him making zooming sound effects as the car trudged forward. Thankfully, he didn't go that far. He did, however, make the ten squares pass by very, very slowly. "Nick...." She reached for it, trying to take the piece out of the reach of his fingers, but he kept blocking her, and then her piece was square in the middle of the first green property. The rest of the board, however, was a mess. All the houses and other hotels, cards...it was all a mess from her trying to get her piece. Then, abruptly, she yawned. "Sorry. And sorry about the board...." "Does this mean I win?" "Oh no...no, no.... I'm not paying you, so neither of us wins. Either that, or I give up and you win by default, but since the board got messed up...." She saw Nick smile a bit at that, but he didn't protest. Almost immediately, Nick started putting his money back in the box and they cleaned up the game. She glanced over at him every now and then, wondering why he still hadn't said anything about having seen Schanke outside the morgue. In fact, Nick and Schanke hadn't been at one another's throats lately, which was nice. Why they had suddenly let things drop, she didn't know. Maybe it was just luck--she didn't think they had run into one another lately, either. Once everything was back in the box, Natalie asked, "So, I guess I should get the stars, huh?" "That's going to be somewhat difficult." "Why?" Nick gestured with his eyes upward. Natalie looked, and they were still up there. Even the one that she had Nick take down, by the looks of it. "You haven't taken them down yet." "No, I haven't. I figured I'd leave them until you wanted to take them over." "Good." "Good? Why is that good?" "Because you're relaxing. You're not doing things in a split second that don't need doing right away. You're not pushing things away. For that matter, you seemed to enjoy the game quite a bit considering you weren't too thrilled about it." "And I won." "No, you didn't win." "I would have, if you hadn't refused to pay the rent." Natalie smiled and shook her head. Nick was presently bright and cheery. Nick got up and helped Natalie up without a word, then bent down and picked the box up. He took it over to the kitchen and set it on the table. Natalie watched as he went to the fridge, pulled out a bottle of blood, and then poured himself a full glass. She went over to sit on the couch and waited for him to join her. But he didn't sit next to her. Instead, he sat in his recliner and silently sipped from his glass. "Nick?" "Hmm?" "When you were a kid, what kinds of things did you do? I mean, I don't think you had things like the board games around now." Nick took a long drink of the blood and leaned a bit further into the cushions. "You don't have to say anything specific, I'm just curious what things were like." "Different, but not as much as you might think. We played games as children do now. Some of the games are even the same." "Like...?" "Let's just say climbing trees was one option, and various simple board games have been around a very, very long time." "Hmm, you climbed trees?" She watched him smile. "Come on, tell me more, you've already let it out." "A few. Not that I was all that good at it, but that didn't stop me." Natalie considered a young Nick falling out of a tree and...well, she didn't want to think about what injuries he could have gotten or how they were treated. "Don't worry, I didn't manage to break anything more than a few tree branches. Luckily." "And what else? Any wooden swords, by chance?" "Yes, actually, though that wasn't just a game. But it was fun; I even got into quite a bit of trouble for that a few times." Natalie frowned at that, even though Nick's memories were obviously good, by his expression. "Why?" "At first it wasn't much, but eventually it was discovered that it was I that encouraged the others to play when they had other chores to do...and I encouraged them to skip those chores." "You said you got in trouble?" "Nothing serious, just reminders that I had other things that needed doing first, like learning and daily tasks...things children even now like to avoid. Don't worry, the only bruises I got were from the swords themselves. We were very merciless at times." "Merciless? In what way?" "Wood might not cut as easily as a blade but it can break bones with enough force. We sometimes got carried away, and once it led to breaking another boy's arm as he blocked me. Again, don't worry about what happened to me. I got into far more trouble for letting the dogs in and--" "And?" Nick took a sip from his glass. Then, appearing to hold back a smile, he told her, "I...ah, borrowed a horse once." "You *borrowed* a horse?" "Yeah. It wasn't one of ours, and I didn't exactly ask. I was bored, I saw the horse, decided I wanted to go for a ride, and essentially just...took it. I brought it back after night had already fallen and, well, let's just say I behaved myself for the few weeks following that." Natalie wondered just how accurate his telling was, wondered how much he was leaving out as she suspected Nick had a tendency of doing just that. "Ah, how old were you?" "I don't really remember...I think I was about ten or eleven." "And your parents? What did they do?" "Actually, I don't know if they ever found out about it. Mother was generally very tolerant of my mischievousness. My father would not have been pleased at all. If he had learned what happened, I'm sure I would have known. I...was living with relatives at the time. An uncle's. And I'd rather not say what they did." Natalie inwardly frowned at that. She could guess what they had done. Nick had probably received something that would have, in this time, been considered a beating. That bothered her more than she wanted it to. And it brought up memories she didn't particularly want to remember. "It wasn't as bad as you're thinking." Natalie started at Nick's voice. "What?" "The punishment. I can see you're thinking about it, about what might have happened to me. But don't. Because that's all it was--a punishment. And I did deserve it. If not for taking the horse, then for the many other things that went undiscovered. It was a very long time ago." Natalie nodded absently. She heard what he said, but couldn't quite comprehend how lightly he considered whatever punishment he got, or accept it so easily. When the cushion she was sitting on shifted slightly, she jumped, startled, and turned to find Nick sitting next to her. "Something about this bothers you. Can I ask why?" "No," she abruptly answered. Then, aware that could have been in return to either of his comments, she told him, "I mean, I'd rather not say, if you don't mind." "What if I tell you more about what happened?" Natalie considered it. If Nick would say more about his past, what would a little of hers hurt? "Maybe," she told him. "The more lasting parts of my punishment had been being grounded, except for chores, which were increased...and I wasn't allowed near a horse for a fortnight. And yes, I did get physically punished that night as well, and yes, I had bruises to show for it, some rather severe. But as I said, I had earned it and there was no lasting damage." "Did...that happen often?" "No, not often. I got in trouble, but I was good at knowing how far to go to avoid being badly punished. I learned what I could get away with before I would suffer more severe consequences. I was not exactly obedient, but I was not completely reckless, either." Natalie took in his tentative smile. He seemed to be holding much back regarding this. She managed a slight smile, knowing from what he said he was probably quite the little troublemaker. And a clever one it sounded, too. And maybe he still was. "So, why does the thought of my punishment bother you?" She turned to face him. His smile had gone, his expression now completely serious. "Let's just say I have a pretty good idea what you felt like after taking that horse." "Your grandmother?" Natalie's eyes widened slightly. She could see Nick's near certainty. He must have remembered her not so pleasant mention of her when they were at her brother's. "Yes. The time spent with her wasn't easy." A few images and feelings from when she stayed with her grandmother flashed by, reminding her of the force that had been used on her. "Richard doesn't really know. Yes, she took care of us after our parents died, and that was not as pleasant as it could have been, but the damage was from before that," she told him. "When I was very young, my mother would drop me off to stay with her, to watch me. She was far more forceful than necessary." "Then maybe it's better we talk about something else? Hmm? Or maybe not talk at all?" Her focus followed Nick as he stood and turned off the lights over by the kitchen, then came back and turned out the light by the couch. The room was quite dark now, and she tensed as Nick came back to the couch and sat next to her. "Just lean back and close your eyes." Natalie leaned back, but she didn't close her eyes. Instead, she stared at the softly glowing stars on the ceiling, her eyes moving from one to another, trying to remember the different constellations. Although she couldn't seem to remember any, Nick had done one thing quite well, and that was to get her mind on something else. He had also stopped her from dwelling on any specific incidents--unlike what she had done to him. She was grateful for his suggestion. Her attention drifted as Nick leaned forward to pick his glass up off the table. She could just see that it was nearly empty. She watched him finish it, then set the glass back down. When he leaned back and gently pulled her toward him, to lean against him, she was somewhat startled and nearly pulled away. But at the same time, the touch was gentle and she didn't want to do anything to stop him from losing the hard shell she had been working to break through. She leaned her head toward his shoulder and focused once more on the overhead stars as she yawned for a second time. She rather liked them, really. And although she really didn't want to impose on Nick and stay, she found she was getting ever more tired as she sat there. And Nick hadn't protested in the slightest. Elusive Gains - Natalie - (24/26) Natalie was on her way to her car to head home from work when she ran into Schanke two nights later. "Did you say anything to him?" "Hmm? Say anything to whom?" "To Knight? About me not able to get anything out of that witness? You know, about my case?" "Oh, no. No, I haven't said a thing to him about that." Natalie had nearly forgotten about her conversation with Schanke. "Nick hasn't said anything about that, or even about seeing you when he left last week." "He didn't even mention it offhand? Or comment about it, anything? Specifically in the last day or so?" "Uh, the last time I saw him was the day before yesterday." "And?" "Again, he didn't say anything. Like I said, he didn't even say anything about seeing you that night.... Why? Is something wrong?" She watched as Schanke glanced away. "What is it?" "I come in to work this morning, and I have this note on my desk. Turns out, last night Nick called in that guy I was trying to get to talk. And get this--he got that full confession I was trying to get. And I was right about what guy did it. And Knight got a full confession." "He did?" she asked, stunned. Nick must have turned back after passing Schanke. He must have listened in on their conversation. And he had decided to do what Schanke refused to ask him. "Yeah. I just listened to the interview tape a couple of hours ago and...man. You should really hear it, Nat. I've never heard anything like it." Natalie scrunched her forehead. Why would Schanke want her to hear the tape? What had Nick done? Or had Nick had done something, and this was just Schanke trying to give her another reason why she should be careful around him? "Schanke, if you're trying--" "Oh, no, it's just that Knight got the guy to talk all right. And he did it quickly. It's scary how quickly, actually. It's just...you really have to hear it. Nice piece of work, it is. I would have loved to have been in that room...well, I think I would have, anyway. At least to see how he did it, to be there to watch. I really don't think I'd want to be the interviewee, though." Now Natalie was concerned. What had Nick done? Schanke didn't seem to entirely know, and it didn't sound like Nick had been rough with the witness or anything...Schanke would have said something by now if that had happened. "You should come down to the precinct and listen. It's really quite interesting." "Now?" "Well, yeah, actually. You're off shift, right?" "Well, uh, yeah. It's just I was going to head home to get some sleep and-" "Just come and listen to it. It's not very long. It won't take long. I just wish I knew why. How he did it, too, but I'd rather know why." "What do you mean, 'why'?" "Well, for one, why the guy spilled his guts about it all. But I'd also like to know why Knight did this for me in the first place. And why he didn't say *anything* about it to me beforehand. I would have really liked to know about this. I mean, it's not his case and I would have liked to be there. I asked the Captain about it, and he hadn't heard anything about it, so Knight's not trying to get the case from me or anything. Frankly, I'm just a bit confused about it all." Natalie took in a deep breath. "I'm not sure about this, Schanke." "I'd like your opinion on the note he gave me, too. If you don't mind?" "I mind a bit," Natalie told him, even as he held the note out to her. "Please, read the note and tell me if it makes any more sense to you than me. And if it actually was Knight that left the note, for that matter. He didn't sign it, so I'm just assuming it's from him given that he's on the tape...." Reluctantly, Natalie took the note and scanned the words written in what was definitely Nick's handwriting. "I noticed you were having some trouble with your witness and took the liberty of interviewing him to see if I could help. I hope you see it as that. Please don't take this wrong. And don't worry about repaying me. I don't expect you to." Natalie handed the note back. "Take it for what it says, Schanke. And yes, Nick wrote it." "Then maybe tell him to stay out of my cases." "Schanke...." "I'm not angry at him. I might sound it, but I'm not angry. But I am not going to get all friendly with him or anything, if that's what he did this for. He's too...arrogant or something. Too much of a hot shot. If he's doing this to get me to like him--" "I don't think--" "Natalie, please, just...like I said, I'm not angry with him about it. It's just...odd, considering he generally keeps his distance from me, which I really don't mind. But I don't like him doing things with my cases without telling me or asking me about it. And I still think you should hear the interview. Really, Nat, you should. He got that guy to break and change his story so easily that it's just not funny." She didn't particularly like doing this behind Nick's back, not after the last few times she had worked with Nick. But she was curious. She wanted to know about the interview, about what Schanke was so worked up about...and why Schanke seemed more interested in the interview than Nick having questioned his witness. "Okay. Okay, I'll listen to the interview. But that's it, Schank." "Thanks, Nat." Natalie managed a smile, hoping this wasn't going to ruin anything. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. After having heard the interview, Natalie headed straight to Nick's. And although Schanke had no clue what Nick did to get a confession and she told him that she didn't have any ideas, she knew exactly what had happened. She had seen Nick do it before--to her. Only it hadn't worked on her. In fact, it was the whole reason she still knew Nick, the whole reason she even started to help Nick in the first place. It was because he couldn't make her forget about him, about what she had seen, what he was or what they had said. If he had been able to, as he wanted, Nick would have been long gone and the last several months, almost a year, would have been very different for both of them. For now, Natalie was just sitting in her car, parked outside in the bright sunlight. She wasn't sure what to say once she went in, if she went up. She knew she had to say something to Nick, but she disliked the timing. Two days earlier, she had left after waking up on Nick's couch, a blanket over her. She had gone up to his room, finding him asleep. She had then immediately left, and they hadn't spoken or seen each other since. Their conversation after the game had brought up something she really hadn't wanted to discuss with Nick under any circumstances. But it had been her choice to answer, her choice to tell him what little she had. Not that it bothered her, she just didn't like coming over here after that and having to talk to Nick about the interview she had heard. The interview had been, among other things, quite enlightening. Knowing what she knew about Nick, about what he was, she knew he had pushed it. Not necessarily his abilities, but he had used them in a way that could draw attention, and that was the last thing he needed. She hated to think it, but if he did this without so much as a thought, how much did he care about not having to move on? And, therefore, how much did he care about working on a cure here, with her? Once mortal, how would he adapt to not having the abilities he had now, as a vampire? Taking in a deep breath, Natalie took her keys out of the ignition, got out of her car, locked it, and headed inside to the access door and the security system. She hit the buzzer, not wanting to use the alarm code as Nick hadn't said anything about when she could use it. Half a minute later, she was silently buzzed in. He didn't even acknowledge that she could come up. She quickly took the elevator up, and it hit her that she rarely had to wait for it to come down. Did Nick use the stairs? Perhaps fly up and down them as it was surely quicker than the slow freight? Just how many of his abilities did he use on a regular basis? She jumped when he slid the door back for her, something he hadn't done for a while. She entered, stepping several steps in, then stopped and waited for him to again enter her eyesight. "I'm somewhat surprised that you're still awake." "You can use the alarm code, you know." Natalie pursed her lips at his change of the subject. "I didn't know when I was allowed to use it. And this is your home, Nick." "You can use it whenever you want. Anytime, day or night. I don't have many visitors." "I came to talk about something, Nick." "The interview. Schanke said something, didn't he? I figured he might." "Nick, he did more than just say something to me about it." She walked further into the room, passing Nick. Then, turning sharply, she explained, "He had me read the note you left and listen to the interview." Nick met her gaze, but didn't comment. "I think you know what I'm here about." "Perhaps." "You used one of your abilities in the interview." "And? What if I did? Why does it matter to you?" "Because it's something that is very.... Nick, you practically put words into the man's mouth. I don't care if what he said was the truth or not--well, I *do* care about that--but Nick, you were controlling him in a manner that.... Nick, what you did is...is...it's pushing the line, Nick." "Is that why you came here? To lecture me on when to use what I can do?" Natalie took that in. She hadn't actually thought of it herself. "When you put it that way, maybe I should. But no, no, I just came by to suggest that you use a little more discretion. Schanke was pretty stunned at how you did what you did, and Schanke sees a lot more than you think he does. I'm giving you a warning that you shouldn't do that in front of people too often--and that includes audiotapes. And also that you need to be careful around Schanke." "And you're warning me because...." "Because I thought you wanted to stay here." "I do." "Then please take more care, Nick. I have no idea how much you use what you are to your advantage.... I just don't want that to get you in trouble, and I'm sure you don't want that, either." Nick managed a slight smile. "I'll be more careful." Natalie was pleased at his response, his smile softening her serious tone somewhat, letting her feel comfortable enough to relax. "Just curious, but how often do you, ah...." "What?" "The hypnotic thing, or whatever it is." "A few times." "How many? Or should I say, how many times on Stonetree?" Nick looked away. "Several. Many." He looked back toward Natalie. "I haven't for some time, though. Just at first, to get things settled." "And on that one case." "Yes. Yes, I did. I was frustrated. I had needed something more to do, to occupy my attention away from the hunger...so I persuaded the Captain to give me the case." "I want you to tell me that you will only do something like that when it's absolutely necessary." She found it hard not to smile as he grinned mischievously at her. "I'm serious, Nick." "I know. And I'll...try. But some habits are hard to break." "I've noticed." She followed Nick as he walked to the kitchen. "If you'd like, I could make you some coffee?" "No. Ah, no, coffee at this of day would be a bad idea. And I wasn't planning on staying long." She could swear Nick's mood dropped at her statement. He turned and went about pouring himself a glass of blood. She watched him sip from it, the action drawing her mind's attention to the contents. "The other day, you left before I woke." Natalie looked from the glass to Nick. "I felt that it would be better if I left." "You didn't need to." "Yes, I did. After I woke, I knew I wouldn't be getting back to sleep, and I didn't want to wake you, disturb your sleep, your day like that." "I wouldn't have minded, considering." Natalie managed a smile. "That's nice to know." She stood quietly for several seconds until her presence felt awkward. "I really should go, Nick." As he nodded, she turned and walked to the elevator. "If you ever wish to continue with the conversation, I would not mind." Natalie turned, and nodded. That was another thing that was nice to know, although she seriously doubted they would ever continue that particular conversation. "Thanks." She then resumed her path to the elevator, and got in it. Descending in the freight, Natalie was pleased on how well the conversation had gone. In fact, everything with Nick had been proceeding moderately well lately. Nick had stuck to a reasonably low blood intake, low enough to up his vital signs without having him too much on edge, and he had opened up far more than she had initially expected he would. On the way to her car, she wondered what would come next. Would now be a good time to try to lower his intake again? Or was it too soon and the risk of him backsliding too high? Or should she attempt a test to see if she could find something that suppressed Nick's vampiric characteristics? The last she had already tinkered with a little, from the blood samples she had been regularly taking from Nick, but was it something she should really and truly pursue right now? It was one thing to make random tests on the blood, but it was another to prepare something to give to Nick. Just because something worked in the samples did not mean it would work in Nick. She wished she knew the answer to any of those questions, or even one of them. All she knew was that Nick's attention span was limited-- something she had noticed from earlier--and that meant they needed to do something before Nick's interest waned or strayed. And she had no idea how long Nick's interest would hold out this time. Elusive Gains - Natalie - (25/26) Natalie took her time preparing the injection, hoping this wasn't a mistake. The last three weeks she had been combining a lot of the information she knew, both in general about Nick and from tests she had run on his blood. She had spent most of her time at the morgue, sleeping very little even as she tested and tested.... Nick had been getting a bit antsy, particularly toward the end, after she had mentioned what she had been doing. She had found a combination of drugs that seemed to stabilise some of the not so stable elements in Nick's blood. He had asked what it was, but she hadn't told him for various reasons. He had also told her that she needed rest, but by then she had been so very close and she knew that's not what he really wanted her to do. She just needed to confirm the results more precisely and perform a few tests. And, unfortunately, it seemed to start to wear off after a few hours. Or Nick would see it that way. To her, she would rather have it wear off than the results be catastrophic and not simply reversible, by waiting. This would be more of a test to see how Nick responded than anything else, a test to see if it would affect more than just his blood. And it would also be a test to see how he did with 'quicker' results that he didn't have to work for. The good news was that even knowing the bad news, Nick was eager to try it. Which, she supposed, wasn't necessarily a good thing. If anything, he was too eager. Way too eager for her to feel good about this. It merely made her recall his experiment from before. It reminded her that Nick was willing to put himself through far more risk than she would allow him to, assuming he would let her have a say. She wouldn't put it past Nick to go against her wishes on something like this. "Are you ready, Nat?" She turned to look over her shoulder at where he sat on a stool. He looked so calm, his left arm resting on the counter, his fingers tapping the space next to a microscope. Ready? How could she be ready? "Pretty much." Seeing that Nick had already rolled up his right sleeve and prepped for her, she realised she couldn't put this off any longer. Nick wasn't going to wait. "And you're sure about this? I have no idea how this is actually going to affect you, if at all, and--" "Natalie, please." Her mouth moved on its own for a couple of moments. Then, she nodded and went to him, pulling his arm closer, and gave him the injection. Any they waited, and...nothing happened. Absolutely nothing. Even twenty minutes later, Nick hadn't so much as rubbed the injection site. "You...feel anything? Anything at all? Maybe just a tingling? Headache, temperature change in the room, anything?" "No," he said, shaking his head. "Nothing. Everything seems...normal." "Well, at least this will tell me something." "And what's that?" "Well, for one thing, that this is either a dud or the dose needs upped. Mind if I come by when I get off work to take a blood sample? I'd like to see what it's doing to your cells." "Can't you just do it now?" "I could, but who knows, it might still work. It might still do something, although I doubt much if it hasn't by now. And it takes a little bit to wear off, so I'd rather take it later, after it's had time to propagate in your system." "So it might still do something?" "Might, but I kind of doubt it. With your samples, anything has always taken effect almost immediately." "So I should call if something happens?" "Or just write down what happened and when. Unless it's serious, of course, then yeah, definitely give me a call. And you're sure you don't feel anything?" "Nothing's different." "Show me your fangs." "What?" "Fangs, or something. I want to see that they're still working." After a moment of looking like he had been asked to do something unthinkable, Nick closed his eyes a moment, and then opened them and hissed. Natalie couldn't help but jump slightly and instinctively look away. His eyes she had seen a number of times, and they alone were a bit frightening, but his fangs she had rarely seen. The fangs made his eyes so much more sinister. "Working?" "Oh yeah, working," she said and nodded as she looked back at him, her eyes meeting Nick's now blue eyes. The fangs were gone as well. So quickly could he change.... "Shall I...go?" "Yeah. Go home and rest. Maybe don't drink anything for a while?" She watched him quickly slink out with a nod of acknowledgement. Natalie threw the empty syringe toward the counter, where it hit the wall with a smack before rolling back out on the counter a few inches. She had seen Nick's disappointment when nothing had happened. She had told him that there was a possibility that nothing would happen. And yet, she had hoped so much that this would at least give her a direction to go in that she barely even considered that it wouldn't work. Or, more precisely, that it wouldn't do anything. She had expected some kind of reaction, even if only a slight one. Natalie exhaled. She had hoped that Nick would feel something, anything. Maybe he would only just barely be able to feel that the drug was in his system, maybe it would make him nauseated or, as she knew was possible, some other catastrophic effect. But then it could be something good, something promising. Maybe it would prevent him from using any of his abilities, or keep his eyes from changing. But nothing had happened. Absolutely nothing. She exhaled once again, and grabbed the syringe, disposing of it in the sharps container--where it should have gone in the first place. Then, once she had cleaned the counter off, she went back to her own work. But her thoughts were on anything but work. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Natalie went by Nick's early the next night after receiving a call. Nick wasn't going in to work, and he wouldn't tell her why over the phone. She sighed as she entered in the alarm code, and then quickly proceeded into the elevator. When she had taken a blood sample that morning, Nick had been quite chipper considering nothing good had happened with the experiment. But then, Nick hadn't been poisoned or anything, either, and she had figured it had something to do with that. His blood had, thankfully, looked about what her samples that she had worked with had looked like. Having looked at them, she couldn't understand why it hadn't done anything. It *had* to have done something...maybe he just hadn't been given a high enough dose? But it seemed to be working just fine...but nothing had happened. And then he called her. But *why* Nick wouldn't tell her. He seemed preoccupied and had hung up before she was able to ask him if he felt any different. Pulling the elevator open and entering Nick's loft, she saw that Nick had been very busy since that morning. It took her a moment to realise what he had set up. Paintings. Somewhat...odd paintings compared to what she had expected, really, but they were very clearly paintings. Canvases, paints, and brushes.... Her eyes quickly looked around for Nick, but he didn't seem to be anywhere. "I got bored." She jumped at the unexpected voice from behind her and turned. Nick stood barely a foot from her in the same clothes from the night before, although they were now soiled, likely from moving the paintings and supplies. And then when she saw his face, she momentarily stopped breathing. His eyes were faintly gold, his fangs fully descended. And yet, there was no hint of hunger, anger, or anything to bring up the vampire. He was...perky. Nick reminded her of an Easter Bunny with fangs and she wasn't sure whether to scream or laugh. Nick seemed somewhere between embarrassed and uncaring at his state. "Uh, Nick, what...?" "Remember? You had asked me about hobbies? So, after you left and I couldn't sleep, I decided to move things in here and get everything set up.... I even painted a little this afternoon. And then I noticed a little problem." Natalie just stared at him. She barely caught some of the words between the speed he was talking and him talking around his fangs. The worst of the two was the shear speed, though. "And, uh, the problem is that you're hyper beyond reason for a vampire? Or, well, just about any adult human, for that matter...?" He didn't answer. "Can't you at least axe the eyes and fangs? That's just, well...." She shivered at the thought. She didn't like Nick staring at her like this. No matter his mood, the fangs gave him a menacing quality. "So, what's wrong?" "Just that I can't get rid of these things." "What things?" she asked, a bit unsure what he meant. She could make a good guess, but it just didn't make any sense. His mood was so very playful, almost that of joking, but at the same time there was a very stern hint of seriousness underneath. Nick looked away, keeping silent for a moment. This was real. "Nick, tell me." "It's these," he then said, opening his mouth and pointing to his fangs. "They're a bit annoying stuck like this." "What do you mean by you can't get rid of them, that they're...stuck? Are you serious?" "Very serious. Really. They won't go back up. It's not that I don't want them to, but they just...won't. I've tried to...push them back up, anything. I just want them gone." Natalie couldn't help it. She laughed. When he shot her a glare, she stifled it, but didn't manage to suppress all of it. "It's not funny." "Oh yes, it is." "Not when I keep getting cut on them." Natalie was a bit stunned by that. Surely by now he had figured out how to avoid being sliced by them? She watched as he ran his thumb along one, at which blood oozed out. She took a step back even as she watched him lick the blood away. Nick was, well, a vampire, but.... "Uh, aren't you used to them? I mean, you have had quite a number of years to get used to them." "Yes, but they're more functional than not. I keep forgetting they're there. They're not made to be in use all the time. And they're certainly not meant for talking." She giggled a bit as Nick again fiddled with his fangs, pressing on them, unable to resist. Too right they weren't meant for talking. And although Nick did a very good job at managing it, she could see he was growing tired of them. "How long have they been like this?" "I'm not sure. Three or four hours?" "It must be an effect of what I gave you." "Well, get rid of it." Natalie shook her head, trying to hold back a grin. "I think you're going to just have to wait until it wears off, Nick. I don't want to risk giving you anything more." "Are you sure it will wear off? It doesn't seem to be getting any better." Natalie felt her pulse increase. Could she have been wrong? She was wrong about what it affected, but she had seen the drugs affects on Nick's cells. It had most certainly worn off. Completely. "Yeah, I'm sure," she told him, sounding more certain than she felt. "The drug must stabilise your vampiric attributes and not the mortal ones, as I had thought. Did you test to see if sunlight burns you? The samples didn't...." "I tested. I burn." "It will wear off, Nick. I'm sure of it." Neither spoke for over a minute, each avoiding the other's gaze. "I had to call in, obviously," Nick stated, turning to Natalie. "Probably a good thing, considering your, uh...." "Yeah." Nick looked away again. "Probably wouldn't be good to walk into the precinct like this. I don't know what I'm going to do if they're still here this time tomorrow." Natalie silently nodded. If Nick was unchanged tomorrow night, she would be looking for a way to reverse what she had done to him or at least counter the effects until it did wear off. She went and sat on the couch, even as Nick went to the kitchen. Ignoring him, thinking he was just getting a glass of blood or something, a couple minutes later she realised he was making coffee. She so wanted to tell him to stop...but she needed that coffee. Tonight was her night off, so it's not like she really needed it...but she hadn't planned on getting up so early, either. When Nick brought her a mug of coffee, she accepted it politely. And then watched him lean back into the recliner. She drank the coffee, catching him glancing at her every few seconds and making her uncomfortable. Couldn't he say or do something? She would settle for anything, as long as he wasn't just looking at her. Finishing the coffee, she abruptly put the mug down. "Nick, I hate to go, but I probably should." She stood and started toward the elevator. "And what should I do?" She stopped. After a second, she turned and stared at Nick, who was now standing, unsure what to tell him. "I don't know, Nick. Other than wait, I'm not sure what we can do at the moment. Paint? If it gets worse, I'd like you to call me, okay?" Nick just stared at her, any hint of his previous hyperness completely gone. He had gone somewhat cold over the past couple minutes, his eyes having a wicked glint in them. Not that she didn't blame him, but it always bothered her a little to be so close to him when he was like this. "And what if this doesn't wear off?" "If it doesn't, then we'll just have to find a way to reverse it. But give it until tomorrow or so. It might just take longer, like it took longer for the effects to appear. Okay, Nick?" Again, he didn't respond. She nodded nervously. "I-I'm going to head to the morgue, look again at the samples I took this morning. I'll be back in a few hours." She turned, took a step, and then jumped as Nick grabbed her around the waist. "Nick, what--" She gasped as he pulled her head back, then nearly screamed as she felt his hand close over her mouth. "You have no idea what this feels like. No idea." Natalie closed her eyes as his fangs brushed her neck. It actually hurt, and she feared he had broken her skin even though it didn't feel like she was bleeding. She had no idea what all the effects of the drug she had given him were, what he might do to his personality, only that Nick hadn't seemed himself this whole visit. "But perhaps you should." Natalie's eyes went wide. In the next second, she felt Nick's fangs press into her skin, and then a sudden absence of him restraining her. She twisted to face him, only to find him trying not to laugh. "What the hell was that?!" "A bit of fun," he said, smiling. "That was *not* fun. I mean it, Nick." She watched him turn completely serious in an instant. But then she saw it--he wasn't serious, not entirely. He was hyper, too hyper, too excited and far to manic for her tastes. He didn't mean any harm, she didn't think, but.... "Then you know how I feel about now. Being stuck like this isn't exactly fun either. It's very uncomfortable." He turned, took a few steps, and then turned around once more. "I'd like for you to stay." "And I think I would rather not." "Because I frightened you?" "Yes, you frightened me! And I'm starting to wonder how you're being affected by what I gave you. It's changed your personality just as much--if not more--than anything else. Including your fangs. You're not yourself." "If it helps, I meant it when I said it was just some fun. And if you're wondering how it's making me different, then stay, please." He paused. "I'd prefer if you stayed." Natalie stared at his face. His eyes still glowed, now brighter than before, his fangs just barely hidden. "I'm not sure it's wise. I'm surprised you haven't already said that." "I'm not hungry. I haven't been all day." That piece of info was enough to make her reconsider. The effects were, apparently, not all unpromising. "You haven't been? At all?" "No, I haven't. The effects seem mixed." "So...mixed? In what way?" "I am visible in mirrors, all mirrors, even the one I showed you. And garlic seemed a bit better. I still don't like it much, but it doesn't make me as sick or burn as bad." "So, it does work." "But not like it's supposed to. Not like you had expected." She shook her head. "No, it didn't. Not exactly. Anything...else?" "Well, as you said I seem to have a lot of energy. Or, perhaps not energy but the need to continually be doing something, to be focusing on something...." "And if you don't?" "Then I start remembering things I'd really rather not remember." He looked away. "Nick?" "Perhaps you should go." Natalie took a step forward, but only a step. Nick's voice had become rough and harsh. It reminded her much of his initial voice, back when they first started working. But he wasn't shutting her out. But his distrust was returning, if only slightly. She took another step toward Nick. "If me being like this bothers you, then you should go. And perhaps consider not helping me, because if you continue, I can almost assure you that this will not be the last time you see my fangs." She froze, halting her advance. She hadn't really thought of that, but when he put it that way, she nodded slightly to herself. She would see Nick's fangs in the future. To tell the truth, she had stayed away from them, even from thinking about them. And even from trying to learn how they work--she had suspected Nick wouldn't let her near them. But that was before. Natalie continued to approach, watching him stiffen once he was within her reach. "Nick...when you grabbed me, I really couldn't tell if you were serious and not, and I'd prefer if you didn't do anything like that again unless it's clear it's just a bit of fun before you actually push it. I couldn't tell, Nick. I didn't know what your intentions were." She walked around to his side. Trying to remain calm, she turned his face so that he was looking at her. "Nick?" "I won't." She watched him smile vaguely, remembering that the threatening hints couldn't be helped. Becoming a bit nervous, she let her hand drop and asked him, "Your fangs.... You said you couldn't get them to go up or whatever. I haven't asked, but I am a bit curious as to how they work?" "I'm not really sure." "What do you mean, you're not really sure?" "It's kind of like being able to fly. And just about everything else related to what I am." "And by that you mean...?" "That I don't have an answer with a scientific explanation. They just...work. I'm actually surprised you haven't asked if you could take an x-ray." "I honestly didn't think you would let me, so I didn't bother." She watched him shift uncomfortably. "Can I maybe look at them?" she then said tentatively. Even if she didn't get an answer, at least she would have had asked. "I mean, they're there, and now might be a good time considering you mentioned you weren't hungry, right?" "What do you mean by look at them?" "Well, I'm a bit curious as to just how sharp they are and what they're like on the back...." "So you'd like to feel them?" "Well, yeah, that would work. Probably the easiest way to find out, wouldn't it be?" She watched him consider the request. Surprisingly, he hadn't yet refused. "I suppose it would be okay. I haven't had anyone ask that before." When Natalie moved closer, raising her hand, she found it pushed down with one hand, another guiding her toward the couch. "I think it might be better if we were sitting." Nick sat, and once Natalie was next to him, he told her, "And be careful. They are very sharp." She nodded. There wasn't going to be any problem with her not being careful. Very slowly, she reached one hand forward, hesitating when he opened his mouth, his fangs becoming quite prominent. With great care, Natalie touched the front of one of Nick's canines, letting her finger run down the front of the tooth only to jerk her hand back when he flinched and pulled away. When Nick grabbed her hand, preventing any further retreat, she was a bit surprised. "It's okay, Nat. I wasn't quite prepared for that." "Are you now?" He nodded after a few seconds. "It'll be fine this time. Just...don't touch them like that again." She watched him glance away before returning to again look at her, this time a bit more relaxed. His eyes remained gold, however, preventing her from doing the same. Cautiously, Natalie touched the edge of one of his fangs, amazed at the shear sharpness. It felt like the cutting edge of a knife. Touching the point, she found this even sharper. Then, curious, she felt the back of the fang and found it was far from the smoothness of the front and nothing like a human's canines. And at this, Nick again pulled away. "Sorry." "It's fine." "They're not smooth on the back." "No, they're not. It's what makes it possible to, ah...." Natalie nodded, not needing him to finish the sentence. It's what allowed him to be able to take blood from living beings, how vampires fed from humans. "Do you, er, know what it is? Is it a groove, or what?" "Not that, I don't think." "You don't think?" "I don't really know. They're quite sensitive to touch, any kind of touch." Natalie looked away for a moment, feeling almost as if she had done something inappropriate. Then, abruptly she asked, "The x-ray, would you allow it?" "Maybe." Still rather uncomfortable, she abruptly stood when Nick went silent. "Nick, I...I should probably--" She cut off as he pulled her back down to the couch. "It's fine, really. You did nothing wrong. I should have told you how I might react. Please, don't leave." Natalie opened her mouth to continue her previous statement, but then saw Nick's eyes. They were now blue. "Nick, your eyes aren't gold anymore. Maybe it's wearing off?" She watched him smile, his fangs just visible. "Or starting to?" "Perhaps." She leaned back, glad that Nick seemed less concerned. Then, while considering whether or not she should stay, Nick yawned, a lazy, fanged yawn, surprising her. His energy seemed to be wearing low. Should she go ahead and leave so that he could get some sleep? Just about to sit up to leave, Natalie found Nick leaning over toward her, resting against her arm. Well, that settled that, she supposed. And he had said he hadn't been hungry.... Perhaps it would be okay to stay? At least until he fell asleep? Elusive Gains - Natalie - (26/26) Nick ended up calling in the following night as well. And that next morning, when he called to tell her that he was feeling much better, Natalie had told Nick to come by the morgue to get a blood sample. She had taken it, and he had been very silent ever since. She wasn't sure if he was subdued or tired, or if he was just trying to let her work, perhaps afraid she wouldn't finish before the sun came up. "So, Nick, how are you feeling?" Natalie asked while she continued to look at his blood under the microscope. "I feel fine. I have since I woke up, you know that." "Except that you weren't hungry then, nor were you when I left this morning. Did you have anything to drink during the day?" Looking up from the slide to Nick, she jumped when she caught a fanged smile. It almost immediately vanished, his mischievousness at least telling her that he had done it on purpose. "Nick...keep your focus. Please. Now, do I have to ask my question again?" "No. And your answer is yes, I've fed." "On what?" "Half a glass of cow's blood." "Hmm." "I'll have more when I go home." "And? Anything else I'd like to know about?" "And as far as I can tell, I'm back to normal. I feel fine. My fangs retract like they're supposed to, and I don't think I'll be staying up all day tomorrow, looking for something to do." "What about your hunger? You said you fed, but..." "It's returning." "But it's not back to normal yet?" "No, not yet. But it is returning. Slowly. I don't think it will be a problem, though." "Why?" "Because the hunger faded almost immediately after the injection. I never really noticed it; I was waiting to feel something change, but it was so gradual I didn't notice. And then later I was too preoccupied finding stuff to do to think about it." "First symptom to appear." "And last to leave. In a few hours, I'm sure I'll be fine." He smiled, faintly. "It's almost worn off, hasn't it?" "Yes. Your blood is almost back to normal." Natalie turned away, turning off the microscope. Then she watched him curiously as he reached into his jacket. She was confused at the action until she realised he was pulling out the stars that had been up on his ceiling. "I thought you might like to give them to Amy." Natalie took them. She hadn't thought about them at all since their little mishap. "How about we take them over in a couple of nights? I can let my brother know, and this time you can meet Amy. How about that?" "I-I'm not sure." "You enjoyed our visit, didn't you?" "I suppose...." "Then you should come with me. It can't hurt to have a little bit of fun before your shift starts sometime, can it?" She held the bag out to Nick. When he didn't take it from her, she told him, "It'd be easier if you held onto them, Nick. And besides, I've already told him that we might come by to give something to Amy. And he seemed glad to hear you'd be coming with me." When he hesitantly took the bag, she kept a smile to herself. If Nick kept the stars, he would have one less reason to get her to take them over on her own. "Good morning, Natalie, and--" Schanke froze upon seeing Nick. "I thought you had called in sick last night?" Nick stuffed the stars back into his jacket, replying, "Yes, I did." "And he did so on my order, Schanke." "He wasn't in the night before that, either," Schanke said, somewhat suspiciously. "Well, he will be tomorrow night," Natalie promised. "It was one of those twenty-four-hour flues." "Yeah, right." Natalie watched Schanke keep his distance from Nick as he approached. "He's not contagious anymore, don't worry. And you'd like?" "Well, I had hoped that you would be alone, but I suppose it's good that Knight's here." Schanke turned his attention to Nick. "I just wanted to thank you for interviewing that witness. The case is going to court." Nick gave a nod to the other. "Just thought you'd like to know it might mean you taking the stand, and despite that I'd much rather had you at least ask before doing the interview, I'm glad you did." "Don't worry, I won't do it again," Nick said, his expression and voice faintly icy. "Good. Well, some people need to go to work, so I'm out of here. See you later, Natalie." "Bye, Schanke." She stared at the door as the other left. Then she crossed her arms and turned to Nick. "You didn't have to do that, you know." "What?" "You know what, Nick. Your tone." "He wasn't expecting to find me here. Besides, he didn't even notice." "I'll bet you he noticed. If I could hear the difference in your voice, I'm sure he did, too." "I accepted his thanks, Natalie. That's plenty for now." Natalie uncrossed her arms, sighing. At least Nick hadn't shut the other completely out. Truth be told, Nick really hadn't done too much wrong. His response was perhaps a little cold, but.... "I'm not going to get along with everyone. Do you? Does anyone?" "Well, no, I suppose not." "So if I don't end up getting along with Schanke, it's not the end of the world, right?" "No, it's not." She turned and, aware it was close to sunrise, checked the clock. Nick didn't have long before he wouldn't be able to be outside. As far as she was concerned, he was already pushing it far too close. "I know, Nat, I need to get home soon. I didn't drive, so I still have a few minutes." "Nick, you can't just not drive whenever you feel like it." "I know. And I won't. I just figured that since I called in to work it would be better if the Caddy wasn't seen here." "Meet me here, at sunset, in two nights, okay? And get home while you have time." "Yes, Doctor, or maybe moth--" She gave him a shove in the arm. "Don't even. Get before the sun comes up, as I won't be taking you home this morning." Natalie caught a smile as he left. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. "And what is this?" Natalie asked, fingering an envelope handed to her a few nights later. The visit at her brothers had gone well other than that Richard and Sarah wanted to invite Nick over for dinner and that Nick had forgotten the stars. The latter she suspected Nick had done on purpose. As to the invitation to dinner, Nick had said he would consider it, but she had seen his dislike of the idea. "Just open it." Natalie hesitated, knowing what probably lie inside, waiting. Today was her birthday, and Nick had indeed remembered it. The sun would be up in less than an hour, and here Nick was, using up some of the precious time he had after his shift. Cautiously, she opened the card, somewhat fearing what might be inside. It was a simple birthday card with a bouquet of white flowers on the front. Simple, but she liked it. Even so, she feared what he might have put in it. Specifically, she feared finding a check of some sort. He had mentioned on multiple occasions that he didn't want her to help him without some sort of compensation. "Is something wrong?" She shook her head, pushing her focus back to the present, specifically the card. "Uh, no. No, nothing's wrong." Carefully, she proceeded to open the card. She relaxed when nothing loose was contained within it. It was blank inside other than a handwritten note, saying, 'Happy Birthday,' and 'Thanks for everything.' Nick had signed it at the bottom simply 'Nick.' She flashed him a faint smile. "I wasn't sure if it would be appropriate to get you a gift, but I, well...." Nick held out a package wrapped with a pale blue shimmering wrapping paper. "I wanted to get you something." Natalie held the small, lightweight box in front of her. Whatever was in it, it was probably too much. She pushed it back into his hands. "Please, Natalie. It is your birthday...just think of it as a birthday present. You can do whatever you want with it. Please, take it." Natalie didn't know what to tell him. As he said, it was her birthday. She still didn't like taking gifts from him, even if he had more than enough money. "Nick, I'd really rather--" "It's a gift. And I'm not returning it. Please, open it." Exhaling, Natalie pulled the bow off and ripped the paper free. Inside, she found what was almost certainly a jewellery box. Damn it. Trying not to react, she opened the velvety box to find a pair of earrings. What was worse was that she liked the flowers make of stones, a single slightly larger stone surrounded by six smaller stones, all a clear medium blue, set in a deep silver-coloured metal. Sapphires. "Nick, I--" "Don't." "I'm serious, Nick. This is too much." "It's too personal?" "No, it's.... Well, yes, it is a bit personal, but I just don't like you spending this much on me." "Then take it in repayment of the gift you gave me for Christmas." Natalie flipped the box closed, pursing her lips. Why did he have to bring that up? Yes, she had gotten him a gift, and true, the coin had not been the cheapest gift she had given, but it had certainly not cost as much as the gift she was now getting. "Think of it as a gift in return." "And the charity dinner? Or, for that matter, the opera? What was that supposed to be?" "Think of those as working on my cure." Natalie fingered the box. His cure. Everything always came back to his cure. And yet, it had to. When it came down to it, that's all their relationship really was. She was helping him find a cure, something he very possibly couldn't ask anyone else to do. And if that was the case, he had no choice but to work with her. "I would like to try something else. Something like the last thing we tried." "Oh no, no...Nick. I'm not injecting you with anything else any time soon." She turned around and walked over to her desk, putting the present on it, stalling. Why did Nick have to bring this up now? Whenever things started going well, Nick wanted more, and right then. "Natalie, I'm sure you've found other things that might, perhaps, be...promising?" She didn't turn around. Nick was right in that she had found a couple things that looked like they might be promising, but so had what she had given him. Truthfully, the other drugs probably had a better chance of killing him than curing him. She so wanted to lie, but Nick seemed to be able to sense things like that. If she lied, what was there to stop him from trying to find what she was working on? "Please. I want to keep working on this." Natalie turned. "Nick, we can't plough ahead like you want. Your physiology is complicated. There's a chance I may never find anything." "You will." She shook her head at his certainty. "I don't have anything for you to try right now. And I think it would be better if we took this a little slower. I don't want to inject you with anything until I'm sure it won't have adverse effects. And I'm not even sure that's the right approach." "The last wasn't too bad. At the time it was a little annoying, but-- " "Nick, you're not listening to me." "I am." "No, you're not. By adverse effects, I mean something far worse than having your fangs temporarily stuck down. I'm talking about results that could, possibly, end up causing you a lot of pain and maybe even killing you. And I'm not going to do anything that might have that as a result." "The chances of killing me are probably a thousand to one or less." "I don't care if they're a trillion to one, Nick! The chances of doing harm to you are a lot greater than killing you. Just think of that concoction you tested on your own, what it did to you. And I'm a doctor. Your doctor. Do you know where I'm going with this?" "Do no harm." "Precisely. And while that may work a little differently where you are concerned, it's still a priority. I'm not going to do anything unless I'm sure it will do more good than not, or there's a low risk of complications." "Which means no injections." "That's right. Maybe later, but for now I really think we should stick with safer things." "Safer things." She watched him turn away. "Just for now. And certainly until I can figure out what happened with the last attempt, as the effects were different than expected. Safer means we need to take things more cautiously, it doesn't mean we have to stop. It means doing further tests on your blood, on your cells. And some of the ones I want to run, I can't do here, Nick. More tests will mean that next time should go much better and we should be much closer. I have no intention of stopping, Nick." "Nor do I," he said, spinning around to again face Natalie. "I still don't understand why you chose to help me in the first place. I can't comprehend it. You care." "Of course I care. You can't understand because you can't see you're more. And you are, Nick. You're far more than just a vampire, or just a man that has become one. However much you think otherwise, you are human." She watched him consider her response. In the past, she would have been glad he had shut up and, more importantly, that he hadn't scurried off. "Maybe." Natalie was stunned. He wasn't refuting her. He wasn't going to argue about what he was. Nick hadn't even brought in the spiel about him being damned, and that human or not, he still wasn't mortal. Was this, finally, some sort of definitive progress? "Maybe?" Nick nodded. "I certainly don't feel human physiologically, but I suppose I feel a bit more human in other ways." "Like before you came across?" "Something like that." "You aren't going to tell me more about that, are you?" she asked, somewhat teasingly, but curiously as well. Maybe, just maybe, he would tell her. "No." His lip turned up a bit at the corner. "Not now." "And just what is going to get you to talk?" When Nick looked at her, his gaze was a mix of ice and warmth. She had no clue which represented his answer best. "I don't know." Shifting, he asked, "When do you think we might be able to try something again?" "Nick...." "I know, I know, nothing dangerous. Just...when do you want me to try changing something, or what I should do now?" "I'll let you know, okay? I have a few ideas, but I want to work out what might be best to try first. Perhaps a modification of that shake I had you try, or something else that's liquid?" She saw him cringe at that, but his expression returned to normal quickly, almost as if he knew it was coming, but accepted it anyway. "Yeah, I guess. That would probably be best. I'll see you later, Nat. I should go," he mentioned as his eyes glanced up to the clock. "And again, happy birthday. Go out and do something fun." She nodded as he left, her question doing nothing to stop his somewhat upbeat mood or his smile as he vanished out the door. As to doing something fun.... She seriously doubted that would come any time soon. She had to work tonight. And she still had three more hours left of her shift. Turning around and facing her desk, she caught sight of the card and gift Nick had given her, the wrapping paper sitting, half-obscuring the box. She walked closer, picking up the jewellery box, and again opened it to look at the earrings. She did like them. But would she ever wear them? She honestly didn't know if she would or should. Maybe if she ever went out somewhere to dinner or something. But to work? And she had never gotten him anything for his birthday. They had known another a year...he would have had a birthday in there, somewhere. That was the big reason she had hesitated: He knew when her birthday was but she didn't know his...she couldn't return the favour. Natalie then picked up the card, opening it to look at Nick's fluid handwriting. 'Thanks for everything.' Had he really meant what he said? Was he grateful for everything she had done? Both the good and the bad? He hadn't shown it much in the past, but maybe that was because he had never really said much to her. He rarely thanked her, but every time he had clearly been serious. This was no different. Putting the card back in the envelope and throwing the wrapping paper away, Natalie put the card and jewellery box in her purse so she wouldn't forget to take them home. She was still a little surprised at the gift, but it fit. Nick didn't seem the type to settle for just a card if he could avoid it. It was hard to tell sometimes, but she felt that she was getting closer to understanding how his reasoning worked, even if she didn't understand exactly what made him a vampire. Or even how he became one, for that matter. If nothing else, it helped her respond to whatever he did or said. But would she ever manage to help him, as he wanted? She hoped she would be able to, but there was a lot she didn't know and a lot that he still wouldn't tell her. And then, there were so many things that could go wrong...not even considering whatever treatment she might try. The biggest of those being Nick himself. And herself, too. No matter what she did or what she thought, whenever something involved Nick her thoughts usually managed to return to that first time she saw him and her initial thoughts. And those same thoughts seemed to describe far more than the features she had seen upon opening the body bag that night. It really wasn't so bad; not Nick, not him being a vampire, and not her working to help him. But was it good? She didn't know. ~finis~ I hope you enjoyed the story! And thanks for reading/making it to the end. Dark Chocolate, White Chocolate, etc. gratefully accepted at: jarvinia@gmx.com Jarvinia http://gryffonslair.com @>--,---`--- In addition: I guess I should say/add that Monopoly is *not* mine, and hopefully I didn't screw that part up much as it has been a long time since I played that game. The marine token: I found it on eBay when searching for an idea of a 'gift'. It was soooo perfect. And while I did save the image, my hard drive died since then and I barely had time to get the 'then' latest version of this story onto a disk...let alone anything else.