Forever Mine
December 2002 - Posted September 2003
Jarvinia

Takes place after 'Mixing Minds' and 'A Wistful Thought'.  This has
about the same tone as the second story and takes place a few months
later.

Just a warning, but it's not what could be called a happy story.  I
don't own any of the characters, they're just being borrowed for a
bit.  May not be archived without permission, although if you'd like
to, please ask, I won't mind.<g>

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

Forever Mine - (01/02)

The bright stars sparkled intently in the dark Paris sky.  A sliver
of the moon was visible, but it did little to change the
surroundings.  The city's lights illuminated from below and the stars
from above.  It enveloped Nick in a cold glow--rather like LaCroix,
actually.  The light kept him prisoner, enveloping him from all
sides.  So much did he wish to escape it...but he knew LaCroix would
never allow it.  Never until he died.  Some day LaCroix would have to
let go.

Nick stared off toward the horizon, the urge to fly until the city
was far behind him almost overwhelming.  Instead, he closed his eyes
and bowed his head.  There was nowhere to run.  LaCroix was there,
and always would be there.  Besides, he couldn't leave Natalie.

It had been four months since he had asked his father for death. 
But did he get an end?  No.  Instead, he received another, unwanted
beginning.  He was alive and LaCroix had brought Natalie across. 
LaCroix betrayed him, and despite his agreement to work with LaCroix
to settle their differences, they had pulled sharply apart since that
night.

He had tried, he sincerely had.  He had done his best to put what
happened behind him, to be his father's son.  But...every glimpse of
the elder vampire reminded him of that night.  It was just too much.

True, he had felt LaCroix' emotions, but he could also feel his own.
The bottom line remained that LaCroix had betrayed him, and he
honestly didn't know if he could ever forgive it.

Natalie was, as far as he could tell, coping well with being a
vampire.  They didn't speak much, even when they were in the same
room, or on the few days that they slept in each other's arms. 
LaCroix was teaching Natalie what she needed to know, which he was
grateful for.  So far, LaCroix had not harmed her, but he still
worried.

What if LaCroix lost control?  He knew the other was having as
difficult a time as he was, and he was surprised LaCroix hadn't
already faltered.  By pushing his sire away in this manner, he knew
every second of every day was excruciating for LaCroix, but it was
something he needed.

Most nights he simply poured himself a glass of blood, drank it
without a thought, and left the apartment in an attempt to obtain
peace, if only for a passing moment.  That's what he was doing right
now...or trying to, anyway.  LaCroix' presence sat on the edge of his
senses, watching him.  His sire never left him alone; neither did
LaCroix really trust him.  In the past, it had angered him, but now
he was just numb.

He was numb to everything.  He was numb to his thoughts and
memories, to his emotions, and even to the hunger that resided in
him.  If he knew LaCroix would just leave him alone, he wouldn't
feed.  But, the knowledge that LaCroix would force him stopped him
from attempting it.  It would do no good.

A breeze hit him squarely from behind and he nearly jumped.  A hand
rested in the centre of his back, another lightly gripping his arm. 
The touch made him uncomfortable.  It interrupted his calm.

"Nick, please come inside.  I don't like watching you run off every
night as soon as it gets dark."

He didn't look at Natalie, not even as she clung closer to him in an
attempt to turn him around.  He remained silent, not wanting to hurt
her more than he already had.  She was now a vampire and trapped in
his world.  She would never be able to escape--just like him.

He had heard her cry on several occasions, but he hadn't gone to
comfort her, to calm her.  LaCroix had done that task, and she had
accepted the other's actions.  Right at this moment, he knew Natalie
was probably closer to LaCroix than he had been for some time.  Not
only that, but she had changed LaCroix, making his actions seem
kinder...or, perhaps, that was in reality his doing.  Inside,
however, he suspected nothing had changed.

"Nick?  Please...LaCroix is worried, and so am I."  She reached
around to his other arm, trying to pull him to face her.  He wouldn't
budge, so she continued, "I can handle being a vampire, Nick, but
only if I have you.  I don't want to lose you, and I fear I already
have."

He continued to stare ahead, considering her words.  He knew she
depended on the knowledge that he was alive more than anything.  That
was the one thing that stopped him from leaving.  It would destroy
them all, and he couldn't bear the knowledge it would very possibly
kill her.  He was already slowly killing her with his very presence.

Nick closed his eyes for a moment, his emotions stabbing at him. 
Again, he looked straight ahead, across the city lights and toward
the horizon.  "I'm not going anywhere," he finally stated, his voice
cold and flat.  "Besides, now I'm not even sure LaCroix ever cared
about me.  He betrayed me.  He betrayed us both."

Natalie tensed.  She knew they were both aware that LaCroix did,
indeed, care for Nick.  Nick was directing the words toward LaCroix,
who was nearby, but they hurt her, too.  After all, they were family.
True, LaCroix had brought her across, something she didn't
particularly want, but she accepted it...even if Nick didn't.  "I
thought you were going to work past that, Nick."

"I don't know if I can," he honestly told her, his voice calm and
even.

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

LaCroix was almost certain the temperature dropped with those last
words.  A chill ran down his back, wondering what, exactly, Nicholas
meant.

He watched his two children from a shadow, watched as Natalie tried
to comfort his son.  They were a family.  Nicholas had even
agreed...but that was before.

He lifted off the rooftop, heading as fast as he could for his
apartment.  The air sliced into him, Nicholas' words maiming him over
and over.  His betrayal to Nicholas bit hard into him, and was
something he would never be able to forget.  He should have done what
his son asked.  The trust Nicholas had put in him was an honour, and
his son knew it full well.  The deed itself would have been an honour
to him, as a Roman, and the greatest thing he could have done for
Nicholas.  But, had he carried through with it?

No.  His grief, his emotions had stepped in his way, and he had
acted on them.  Doing so, he had acted against everything he was
taught and believed in.  Even Nicholas.

He had prevented both his son's death and Natalie's as well.  They
lived because he could not bear to kill his son.  His betrayal, then,
had been deep, and it had only grown deeper with time.

He had, in that moment, destroyed his family.  And now, he was
watching them die.

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

LaCroix carefully followed Natalie's every movement after she
returned to the apartment.  Nicholas had once again solidly defeated
her emotions.  She was tired, irritable, and not thinking straight. 
He observed her as she fed, and felt himself worry when she sat and
stared across the room.  Her eyes were locked fully on the carved
staff that had nearly ended Nicholas' life, the same staff that had
been handed to him in trust.

He, too, focused on the wood.  It was there, out in the open and
leaning in the corner, because Nicholas had insisted on it.  In fact,
his son often sat precisely where Natalie sat, doing the exact same
thing.  So too had Natalie of late.  When Natalie stood and started
for the corner, he was jerked out of his thoughts.

She flew at the staff, and he was right behind her, yanking the
object from her grip before she could do any harm with it.  His arms
wrapped around her, pulling her away from the staff, letting it drop
to the ground.

Natalie screamed, trying to get out of LaCroix' iron grip.  His
embrace tightened, and she eventually relaxed against him, tears
rolling down her cheeks.  "Please, I don't want to be this anymore! 
I can't do this any longer."

"Nicholas will be fine.  Give him time."

She shook her head, calming somewhat.  "He's just getting worse and
you know it."

"You have to be here when he's ready.  I might not be able.  He is
lost to me, Natalie, but he is not lost to you.  Without you, he has
nothing."

Her tears fell with renewed vigour at LaCroix' admittance.  If he
had lost Nick, how did he go on?  Nick wasn't even gone and she was
having trouble.  To live in this world like this, she needed Nick. 
He was the only remaining familiarity, and LaCroix was even filling
that need more than Nick.  The last several months as he had pulled
away had shown her that.  The further Nick pulled away, the harder it
was for her to continue; the harder it was for her to handle being a
vampire.  "Do you ever wish you just did as he asked?"

"No," LaCroix immediately answered.  "I won't let him die by my
hand."  And he wouldn't.  That choice he would make again in an
instant.  Death was not what Nicholas really wanted--then or now. 
But, what his son wanted he could not give.

He held Natalie against him, rocking her slightly to try to comfort
her.  Eventually, she relaxed, at which he carried her almost
sleeping form to her room, wrapping her in the covers.  He waited,
sitting in a chair near the bed until she drifted off to her dreams. 
At least she still had dreams.

It had been a mistake to believe everything could just snap back to
normal, but he had believed it, waited for it to happen.  In the back
of his mind, buried under wants and wishes, he knew it couldn't
happen, and certainly not on its own.  Only now could he admit his
mistake, something he noticed he was doing more often.  Too often.

Standing, LaCroix started for the door, intending to rest while
waiting for Nicholas' return.  He froze seeing his son standing in
the doorway.  He was tempted to speak, but knew it would only worsen
matters.  From where he stood, he met his son's eyes.  It was
painful, as he saw his betrayal in their depths.  LaCroix walked
toward the door, planning on bypassing his son and going to another
room.  However, Nicholas stopped him, the younger vampire's hand
gripping his arm.  He tensed at the touch, unsure of what his son's
intentions might be.

"How is she?"

He knew his son already knew the answer to that, and he wasn't in
the mood to tell Nicholas in precise detail, so he stated, "She is
where we have placed her."  With that, he pulled away from the other,
continuing on his previous path out of the room.  He went to the main
room, sensing Nicholas behind him with every step.  Abruptly, he
stopped, closing his eyes.

"Please, LaCroix, it's a simple question.  I want to know."

"She is losing the...faith that things will settle.  Frankly, so am
I."

Nick spun LaCroix, forcing the other to meet his gaze.  "You don't
have faith, do not speak about it!"

"And apparently, neither do you."

Nick stiffened, not expecting that retort.  Or maybe he had. 
"LaCroix...what you did....  I thought I could accept it, but I
can't.  I believed you could carry through with my simple request.  I
believed you would...until I woke up."

"You don't want death, Nicholas."

"No, I don't.  I want freedom, and death is freedom enough."

"From me."  Now it was LaCroix' turn to stiffen.  "I couldn't kill
you, Nicholas."

"I know."

LaCroix watched as his son turned and headed to his room, closing
the door.  The simple action created more than just a physical
barrier.  It told him that he wasn't wanted there, that he would have
to wait until the next night to see Nicholas again.


Forever Mine - (02/02)

[A week later:]

Staring into his daughter's room, LaCroix watched his children.  The
last several nights, Nicholas had remained in the apartment.  Natalie
was refusing to feed and would not get out of bed.  Now, he knew, she
was too weak to get up, nor did she show any signs of wanting to.

"Nicholas."  The younger vampire turned to him, a deep gold gaze
directed at him.  LaCroix turned and went to wait in the hall, his
son joining him a moment later.  He reached for the door, pulling it
quietly closed.

"She's weak," Nick stated.

"Yes, and I suspect that will not change."

Nick looked away, not able to face the other vampire.  "Give her
what you refuse to give me."

"What?" he quickly asked.  Surely, Nicholas could not mean....

"If she is to die, if she is to will this on herself, please don't
make her suffer.  She didn't ask to be brought across, not into this."

At that, LaCroix' eyes turned amber.  How dare Nicholas make such a
request of him.  Without thinking, he grabbed his son, shoving
Nicholas into the wall.  "I am not the one making her suffer,
Nicholas, you are!"

"You brought her over.  You betrayed me!"

"LaCroix' anger rose further, and he struck out, back-handing his
son.  He seethed with emotion, and it filled him to the brim.  "I
acted in your interests!"  Again, he hit the younger, a few drops of
blood trickling from the corner of Nicholas' mouth.  He roughly wiped
them away, tasting the blood.  It was empty and cold...Nicholas' life
had faded, the flavour he so loved was gone, and he cringed.  Then,
looking up at the other he hissed, "I can watch you do this to
yourself no longer!  I won't stand by while you destroy both yourself
and Natalie.  You are my blood, and I will not watch you waste it
like this!"

He hit Nicholas again, and again, not even waiting for a response. 
Soon, his son lay in a heap on the ground, taking every blow without
resistance.  Now going to his knees, he continued.  A rib snapped
with a well-placed punch, but no sound escaped Nicholas' lips.

So occupied with his rage, LaCroix noticed neither the door to
Natalie's room open nor her emergence from the room.  He struck once
more, and then felt two hands trying to stop his next blow.  He
pushed her away, at which she impacted the wall with enough force to
make her lose her balance.

She saw LaCroix raise his hand to hit Nick again, and she yelled,
"Stop it!  LaCroix, please, stop!"

He stopped and turned to her, then looked back to Nicholas.  His son
Nicholas lay on the floor, his eyes tightly shut, several bruises
adorning his face...along with blood.  Since Nicholas' demand for
death, until now, he had barely touched Nicholas let alone hit him. 
He had told himself that he would not allow himself the chance to
lose control, but he did.  Off to the side, he could see Natalie, who
was now sitting against the wall, crimson tears sliding down her
face.  She, like Nicholas, remained silent.

Gradually, he stood.  His son still lay before him, waiting for
another blow.  He set his jaw, fearing what results this would have. 
He turned to Natalie, who met his gaze--but just barely.  Then he
looked back to Nicholas, gave his son a glance, and walked away.

After a moment, Nick realised LaCroix had left, and he opened his
eyes.  It hurt to move, but he sat up.  Natalie was there watching
him, and LaCroix was nowhere in sight.  With every fist, every hand
the elder vampire had laid on him, he'd felt LaCroix' anger.  With
the pain came a harsh understanding.  He really was the reason
Natalie was giving up.  She needed him just as he needed her.  And
LaCroix....  Nick tensed, his bruised muscles complaining.  He had
done much more than nearly destroyed himself and Natalie.  He'd
nearly destroyed LaCroix as well.  That realization struck him harder
than any of his sire's blows.  For LaCroix to be able to stop....

"Nick?"

He turned toward the voice, staring at Natalie as she sat, shaking
slightly.  She was incredibly weak, and he was amazed she had made it
to the door.  Carefully, Nick stood, feeling where LaCroix had broken
bones.  They were beginning to heal on their own, but he knew his
body both needed and wanted blood.  Yet, he was still numb.  It was
no longer from his emotions.  Now, it was from his injuries.  Slowly,
he picked Natalie up, barely able to hold her weight because he was
so weak.  He carried her back to her bed and laid her down.  Then, he
laid next to her, despite her protests, and held her close, trying to
calm her.

"Let go, Nick.  Go, get something to drink."

"I'll be fine.  I'll get something in a little while.  I want to
rest for a bit first."  He held her tighter, her blood tears poking
at his hunger.  He ignored it, thinking about what had happened.

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

Waking several hours later, Nick slipped out of the bed, his body
somewhat stiff, but no longer sore.  Natalie slept soundly, and he
quietly left the room, pausing in the hall.  He closed the door, and
then leaned against the wall.  He felt LaCroix' presence in the
kitchen, which was his destination.  He had no wish to see the other
at the moment, his emotions in conflict, but he needed to feed.

He walked into the kitchen, entering and ignoring LaCroix sitting at
the counter on a barstool.  LaCroix made no comment, simply taking
another sip from his glass of blood-wine...heavy on the wine by the
scent.

Nick got a bottle out of the refrigerator, one he'd started a couple
of days before.  It was nearly empty, and he saw no reason to just
leave it there.  He uncorked it and drank straight from the bottle,
finishing it quickly.  The taste was bitter, not the blood itself,
but his thoughts at the time.

Methodically, he rinsed the bottle out, and then retrieved another
from the refrigerator.  He did the same--took the cork out and up-
ended it.  Despite being fresher, it tasted the same.  His thoughts
hadn't changed.

"Nicholas...."

He froze upon hearing his name.  He didn't turn, not sure what the
other would do.  LaCroix had hit him...no, LaCroix had beaten him. 
It would have killed him if he'd been mortal.  Since he wasn't, it
merely made him ache and hunger.

"Nicholas."

This time, he turned to his father, his eyes softly glowing. 
LaCroix was trying to apologise; he could see it in the other's
features.

LaCroix watched, waiting for some kind of reaction.  But none came. 
Nicholas remained silent and still.  "How is Natalie?" he eventually
asked.

"She is how she is, you know that as well as I."

LaCroix stiffened at the jab, but didn't comment.  It was no worse
than some of the answers he had given Nicholas of recent.

Nick turned away, setting the bottle on the counter but not
releasing it.  "I can't forgive you for what you did."  He waited,
but LaCroix didn't react.  He was glad of that in a way, and hoped
the next part would go over as well.  "I've been thinking.  Natalie
is weakening, and it's both of our faults.  I think I can, maybe, be
a part of your family on one condition."

LaCroix remained silent, wondering what that term was.  His son
didn't continue, forcing him to ask, "And exactly what is that?"

"For you to understand that in my eyes I am not your son."  Nick
watched as the words noiselessly ripped through the other vampire,
causing no reaction other than a slight increase in tension.  "If you
treat me as an equal, I will remain a part of your family.  If not, I
will leave with Natalie, and with no resistance from you.  And you
will not come after me."

The Roman closed his eyes.  The terms were almost too high...almost,
but not quite.  He nodded, not looking at the other.  He knew he'd
lose Nicholas if he didn't do as asked.  He'd overstepped the line
that separated them, a boundary he'd always believed to be like
elastic.  With time, it would repair itself...but that belief was a
falsity.  Time could not heal all wounds.  Time couldn't, but perhaps
compromise could.  He looked up and saw Nicholas, hands clenched
around the bottle.  He would agree to the younger man's condition,
but in his eyes, Nicholas would always be his son.  "Nicholas?"

Nick turned to the elder vampire, trying to hold in his emotions. 
Picking up the objects in his hands, he said, "I'm going to talk to
Natalie," and left before any objections were made.

Again, LaCroix closed his eyes, this time bowing his head as well. 
Nicholas was, in one sense, at least, completely lost to him.

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

LaCroix had waited several hours, but he could wait no longer.  His
children had been speaking, but recently they had quieted.  However,
neither was asleep.  He could feel that.

He slowly approached the door to Natalie's room, gently pushing it
open.  Inside, he found them both on the bed, Nicholas leaned against
the headboard, his arms wrapped around Natalie, who was sitting in
front of him.  In his daughter's hands was a half-full glass, and she
slowly drank from it.  As she noticed him, he saw her tense,
shrinking slightly back into her brother.  She was afraid of him. 
She was afraid, and he didn't blame her.  He stepped into the room
and watched as his son got out of the bed and stood, then left the
room.

"How could you, LaCroix?  I thought I understood you, but you...you
beat Nick.  He didn't even fight back, but you just hit him again and
again!"  Natalie stared at him, her eyes now golden.  "I don't want
that to happen to me."

"Nicholas told you what he told me," he stated, already knowing he
was right.

"Yes, he did, and I'll back him up if he wants to leave you."

"And you?"

"I'll go where Nick goes."  She felt LaCroix' emotions harden.  "If
he wants to leave, I'll try to talk him out of it.  I know what he
means to you."

At that, LaCroix relaxed somewhat, nodding.  "I would be grateful if
you did that.  How is he?"

"Better than either of us, probably.  Just give him time and don't
force anything on him.  You'll lose him if you do."

LaCroix stiffened, but not at Natalie's words.  He already knew they
were the truth.  Nicholas' presence behind him, however, made him
fear another confrontation.  His gaze followed the younger's path,
and Nicholas handed a full bottle of blood to Natalie.

"I'm not coming back.  Remember that.  I will never be yours."

LaCroix didn't move at first, couldn't.  After a moment, his son
turned away, returning to his previous position behind Natalie.  He
would agree to the younger vampire's conditions, but in his eyes,
Nicholas would always be his.  Even if Nicholas eventually left.

~finis~

Jarvinia
jarvinia@gmx.com
@>--,---`---