Shades of Grey
Jarvinia

Forever Knight is not owned by me...I'm just having a bit of fun. 
No copyright infringement is intended by the writing of this story.

This story takes place a couple of months after the end of the
second season, not long before third season would have started. 
Whether third season took place or not after this is pretty much up
to the reader.

Note:  This is an ADULT UF (Nick/LaCroix - m/m) story, which also
includes a bit of a theme of rape.  If you are not of age to read
adult content, will, or even *may* be offended by any of the
content mentioned--don't read this.  This also contains a bit of
violence and...well, what I've already mentioned.

I would like to thank amethystshells for being a sounding board and
alpha reader, and also Knightshadowwrtr and Sunny LaCountess for
betaing and their comments/suggestions.<g>

Please do not archive/post/distribute without permission.  If you
would like to, though...please ask.<g>

Feedback/comments gratefully accepted at: gryffon@gmx.net

Now, on to the story....

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

Shades of Grey - (01/21)

"Schanke, where's your partner?" Cohen asked, calmly, already
knowing the answer.

He stopped mid-stride and swallowed.  He didn't know, and she knew
he didn't.  "Uh...he's...well, he's...."

Nick silently stepped up behind his partner, stating, "Right here."

Schanke spun, jumping slightly upon seeing the other man standing
there.  He'd been looking for Nick for the past fifteen minutes and
then he just pops up from the middle of nowhere.  "Knight, don't give
me a heart attack!"

Watching as Schanke calmed, she told them, "Well, now that you are
both here, I want you to meet someone."

As she went into the office, the two detectives glanced at one
another, and then stared at the man sitting in one of the chairs. 
Immediately, they each knew who it was--Detective Matthew Hart.  He'd
just made detective about two months before and had been assigned to
the 96th.

"I don't think I need to explain more than Hart's partner is out of
town on vacation and I'm assigning him to you two for the next week."
Neither looked thrilled at her statement.  Schanke would eventually
get over it, but the look on Knight's face told her he wanted no part
of this.  She turned to face them more fully.  "Are there any
objections with this?  Knight?  Schanke?"  She watched as they both
shook their heads--Knight very reluctantly.  "Schanke, bring Hart up
to speed on your current case...I want to talk with your partner for
a moment."

Nick moved away from his position in the door, allowing the other
two detectives to leave.  Waiting a moment, he closed the door
without a word.

She watched as he just stood there, not even breathing by the looks
of it.  "Knight, I can see you're against this.  It's only for a
week, and he is becoming quite a good detective.  At least pretend
you don't mind him being assigned to you."

Meeting her eyes, he stiffly nodded, and then quickly left the
office and headed toward his desk, his partner...and Matthew Hart. 
He slowed upon approaching the two, watching as Hart tensed at his
presence.

Hart slowly moved a step closer.  "I...can ask Cohen if she'll
change my assignment, Knight.  I don't want to be any trouble to you
two."

At that, Schanke gripped his partner by the shoulder and assured,
"There's no trouble."

Nick fought the urge to shrug out of the grip.  Out of the corner of
his eye, he saw the Captain with her arms crossed in front of her,
waiting.  He managed a weak smile.  "No, no trouble at all."

The other calmed slightly at that.  "How about we just start fresh?"
Holding his hand out, he stated, "Matthew Hart--but I'd rather you
call me Matt."

Holding back a moment, Nick slowly took the younger man's hand. 
"Nicholas Knight, but Nick's fine."  Releasing Matt's hand, he
unobtrusively backed up, going to sit at his desk.

"So...what's your current case?"

Schanke glanced to his partner, and then pulled a file off Nick's
desk, handing it to Matt.  "A shooting.  According to statements from
the neighbors, we have two suspects who apparently entered the home
of Veronica Withers, killed her, and then left.  Although the house
is a mess, nothing appears to have been taken."

Handing the folder back to Schanke, Matt commented, "Not a robbery,
then.  Was the victim the only one in the house?"

"From what we can tell, yes, although she lives with her husband, a
Mark Withers."  Nick tried to make himself more comfortable, which he
partially succeeded in doing after a couple of tries.  "We haven't
been able to find or contact him as of yet."

Matt pulled up a chair as they talked more about the case.  As the
night passed, Nick stayed tense while the other two kept busy with
their work.

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

As their shift neared an end, Nick prepared to head for home, but
was turned around and led back to his desk by Schanke.

"Let's get something to eat--my treat."

Matt, who was as awake as he'd been at the beginning of shift,
quickly answered, "Sure.  Sounds good to me."

Nick, however, wasn't too thrilled.  "Schanke...."

"Don't even start with that special diet of yours.  As much coffee,
donuts, or whatever you eat.  You're coming--end of story."  Turning
to Matt, he continued, "I've never seen what this guy eats, it's like
he's surviving off of air or something."

Pulling away, Nick told him, "I need to get ho-"

"See?  Every time it's the same excuse.  Come on, Nick, it's not
like you're a vampire or something...besides, the sun's not up for
another hour and a half."

Matt's brow creased in confusion.  "Why would that matter?"  A
second later, it hit him.  "Oh yeah, you're allergic to sunlight or
something.  I didn't know it was that serious."

"Well, it is," Nick stated in reply, his thoughts still caught on
Schanke's words.  He did what he could to remain calm.  Did Schanke
know what he was?  He knew his partner remembered everything he'd
deduced before he gave up the hunt, but did he know?  He shook the
thought off.  "I'm really not hungry, Schank."

"Then order water for all I care.  You're not going to lock yourself
away in that high-tech dungeon of doom of yours--not tonight."  The
look his partner gave him almost made Schanke rethink his decision,
but not quite.  "I'll invite Natalie if you give one more excuse that
you can't come."

Matt smiled slightly, knowing from the rumors he'd heard that there
was something between the two, although it wasn't clear just what. 
"We could even pick her up on the way," he added, playing along with
Schanke's suggestion.

At that, Nick did have a reply.  If Schanke called Natalie, she'd
most assuredly come.  Not only that, but she'd probably try to get
him to eat something.  "Okay, fine.  I'll come, but I'm not going to
eat anything."

Schanke was beaming with his victory, grinning at both of them. 
Pulling Nick toward the exit, he stated, "Come on, let's go before
Nick changes his mind."

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

Pushing the door out of the way, Nick entered his home, finding
Natalie there with the remote control for the blinds.  Pre-dawn light
shown through the windows, and as he approached, he watched as she
closed them.

"Where were you?  It's nearly day."

"I got dragged along for breakfast with Schanke and Hart.  I
couldn't get out of it."

"And...?" she asked enthusiastically.

He sighed.  "And what?"

"Did you eat anything?"

"Nothing...solid.  A few sips of water...and that was mostly an
attempt to calm my nerves.  It's been about sixty hours since I've
fed."

"Well, it's something," she said, the tone of her voice letting
loose a little bit of her disappointment.  "So...how was it?"

"Schanke was pleased, even if I didn't eat anything.  It
was...difficult sitting there among all of the mortals.  I wasn't
prepared for it."

Natalie pursed her lips at the reply.  "You know, if you want to be
mortal, you're going to have to get used to doing things like that."

"I know, Nat, I know.  It's just...it was hard to keep focused when
the vampire was hungry.  I don't even remember most of what was said."

"But otherwise you did okay?"

He nodded.  "Schanke has it in his mind that he's going to manage
this again--and that next time he'll get me to eat.  But I don't
think there will be a next time."  Turning, Nick headed for the
refrigerator, his hunger rising.

Natalie stood, and intercepted him as he pulled the bottle out of
the refrigerator.  "Nick...don't drink it."  She reached for the
bottle, trying to take it from him.  "Let go, Nick."

In defeat, he released his hold on the bottle, walking away and
across the room.

"I know you've been having trouble with this lately.  I know it's
hard, but it's worth it, isn't it?  It makes you a little closer to
your goal?"  She waited, but he didn't answer.  "Nick?"

He took in a deep breath, faintly nodding.

She slowly put the bottle back on the shelf, shutting the
refrigerator door.  Then, she cautiously approached him, sensing that
he was having a hard time.  "There are a couple of my shakes in the
refrigerator.  If you have one, it might calm your hunger a little." 
Stopping behind him, she put one hand on his back, at which he
tensed.  That in itself spoke volumes.  "I'm going to head on home to
get some sleep.  I'll see you later tonight, okay?"  Still, he
remained silent.  "Nick, please say something."

Turning, he managed a faint smile.  "I'm sorry, I was just thinking."

She returned the gesture, and then quickly left before saying
anything else.

Once in her car, she had to remind herself to stay calm.  Before
leaving, she almost asked Nick what he was thinking about...but she
already knew.  He hadn't really become quiet until she'd asked him if
what they were doing was worth it.  He doubted himself, and it
saddened her.

Starting her car, Natalie pulled out onto the street and headed for
home, wondering what was going through Nick's mind at that moment. 
Was he losing his grip on his decision, or was he attempting to
tighten it?


Shades of Grey - (02/21)

Nick looked into the rearview mirror, watching Matt almost as much
as he was watching the road.  So far, the shift had gone by quickly
and quietly--until a few minutes ago, anyway.

He and Schanke had just received a call from dispatch that there was
movement at the Withers' scene, and were now en route.  Of the three
of them, he was the most on edge.  Feeling the beast rise and his
instincts get ready to act, he pushed it all away.

After Natalie had left that morning, he'd thought hard on what they
were doing.  More than anything he wanted to become mortal and a part
of humanity.  To do that, he had to suppress the beast.  Silently he
wished he'd had a glass of blood before work...or at least tried to
get one of Natalie's shakes down.  But, as long as everything went
smoothly, the night would go fine.

Again, he glanced back to Matt, who was far calmer than himself.  He
just hoped that he could control the vampire.

A couple of minutes later, they pulled up to the Withers' residence
and the three got out, their weapons drawn.  Schanke went to the
front and Nick headed to the back--and Matt followed him.  They
hadn't quite made it to the back of the house before two men, both
dressed in black and with dark hair, bolted from the back door and
around the corner.

He and Matt followed, and as they ran toward the front of the house,
Nick could see Schanke in pursuit of one of the suspects.  Nick
started after the second suspect, and again, Matt followed.  Nick was
unable to use his abilities with the mortal right there, something
he'd been saying to himself for the last several moments.

Running after the man, he saw Matt out of the corner of his eye,
both of them running about the same speed.  The suspect ran into a
section of trees, and before too long, the other stopped, their guns
drawn on each other.

"Lay your weapon down and put your hands up!" Nick told the man, who
didn't move one way or the other.  For several minutes, they remained
exactly like that, their guns pulled on the other.  As his ears
picked up Schanke's approach and saw yet another form flit through
the trees, leaving the general area, he knew they didn't have much
time.  "Place your gun on the ground and surrender!"

"No way, cop!" the man said, darting a few trees to the left.

Events weren't going smoothly.  From where he was, Nick heard the
man's heart beating loudly in his ears.  The man was a walking bomb,
and both Matt and Schanke were within easy aim.

Several shots were fired toward the two detectives' position, and
Nick watched as they moved behind two nearby trees--neither one
completely protected from the flying bullets.

He had to do something...he wanted to do something.  Yet, with all
of the trees, it would make flying difficult, not to mention
impossible to explain.  He didn't know if Matt was a resistor, but
now was certainly not the time to test it.  As their suspect fired
off several more shots in Schanke and Matt's direction, Nick watched
his partner just barely get out of the way as one impacted with the
tree Schanke was using as cover.

Moving more out in the open, Nick quickly took aim at the shooter,
even as the man took aim again.  He glanced to the side, and saw that
Matt was completely unprotected.  Even as he was struggling to decide
between attempting to push Matt out of the way and shooting--using
the vampire or his police training--he knew he was running out of
time.  Not letting another second pass by, he moved completely out
into the open and fired on their suspect.

Several seconds later, all was silent.  With his enhanced hearing,
he heard Schanke's strong heartbeat and one extremely weak one--but
nothing else.  Strongly smelling blood nearby, he swallowed.  Three
mortals and two heartbeats--one of which was fading.  He didn't like
this at all.

"Nick?  Are you okay?"

He ignored his partner, moving quickly through the darkness toward
the stronger of the two blood-scents.  Seeing Matt lying on the
ground, he faltered before kneeling next to the mortal detective.

Schanke found his way to their position, asking, "Nick?  What
happened?"

"The shooter must have fired at the same time I did."  His eyes
caught on the fallen man's wounds, the blood flow slowing as the
heartbeat began to fade from his senses.

Suddenly, Matt's pulse quickened, and Nick watched his eyes flutter
open.  In that same instant, he felt the detective grip his hand
tightly, pulling him closer.

"Please...please tell Sandy I love her....  Please...."

Nick closed his eyes as he heard Schanke reply to the plea, assuring
him that he would.  Matt's grip was like steel--more than what most
mortals would be able to handle.  As quickly as the strength had
come, it disappeared, Matt's voice fading out to nothing just before
the light pounding in his ears ceased as well.

He sat there, not sure what to do.  He'd just shot a man, killed him
as his senses knew, and another just died in his arms.

"Nick?  Is he...."

He shook himself out of it, and made a quick show of checking Matt's
non-existent pulse before nodding.

"Look, I'm going to call for backup and see if you tagged our
suspect, but keep an eye out, Knight.  There's two of them."

Again, he silently nodded, staying right where he was.  He had seen
just a glimpse of the other suspect as they ran for freedom, but he'd
been too preoccupied to care about it.  And, now, even that was far
from his thoughts.  Looking down on Matt's lifeless form, he pushed
the hair back from the other's face.

Matthew Hart was young--a mere twenty-nine years old.  His wife,
Sandy, was a couple of years younger, and they had a three-year-old
daughter named Marisa.  All of this he had learned in the short time
he'd spent with him and Schanke that morning at breakfast.

Despite their short lifespans, mortals had more life than he would
ever have.  They had families and children.  Their relationships were
two sided--both members giving and taking, sharing their lives.  With
a mortal, all a vampire did was take.  Take, and take, and take. 
There was nothing to give to a mortal except death or the 'gift' of
immortality.

He didn't know how much time had passed.  Sirens filled the air,
more mortals arriving.  Natalie was one of the first to approach him;
her heartbeat presently moving ever closer.  Feeling her hands on his
shoulders, he jumped slightly, still a little stunned at what had
happened.

"Nick, are you okay?"

He looked at his hands, blood drying on both of them.  He had a
couple of splotches of blood on his jacket as well.  All of the blood
was Matt's.  It wasn't quite fresh anymore, and he found his hunger
non-existent.

Squeezing his shoulders, she rubbed the taut muscles, trying to get
them to loosen.

At first, he pulled away from the touch, but it was clear Natalie
wasn't going to let him away that easily.  Standing up, he jerked
away from her, nearly losing his balance on the uneven ground.

"Nick...."

"I could have saved him, Nat.  If I'd only moved sooner...if I'd
only pushed him out of the way."

She moved closer, backing him away from the others present.  "Nick,
you did what you could."

Again putting space between them, he paced.  Then, coming to stop in
front of her, he harshly whispered, "I could have acted faster, Nat. 
I could have used what I am...if I had, he might still be alive."

"Nick...look at me," she commanded, but he had started pacing again.
Stepping forward, she grabbed his arm, stopping his movement.  He
glared down at her, his eyes reflecting slightly with a few golden
flecks in them.  "Nick, you couldn't have saved him.  Even if you had
managed to push him out of the way, Schanke tells me Matt was in a
direct line between him and the shooter."

"If it was Schanke lying there, would you be saying this?"

It took her a moment to get past his question, but then she sternly
answered, "Yes, I would.  You couldn't do anything more than you
did."  She watched as the gold melted into blue, a few amber flecks
staying behind and surrounding his pupil.  She relaxed somewhat,
seeing his beast retreating.  As he leaned against one of the trees,
she softly asked, "When I get done, I'll take you home, okay?  Nick?"

He nodded.  "I'll be here...just keep Schanke away, okay?  I really
just want to be alone right now."

"Yeah, I'll let him know to stay back.  He's dealing with this too,
you know.  I'll be back as soon as I can, Nick."

Leaning against the thick trunk, Nick closed his eyes.  Of course
Schanke would be dealing with it too.  He hadn't really thought of
that.  In fact, the only positive thought he had was that Schanke was
alive and fine.  Why couldn't he have acted faster?  If he had,
everything could have turned out different.

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

As the elevator ground to a halt, Natalie waited for Nick to get
out.  "Nick?"

Hearing his name, he momentarily glanced to her before heading
inside.  Walking by the kitchen, he easily rid himself of his jacket
and holster.  Then, his eyes fixated on the refrigerator.  He was
hungry, and yet not.  The faint tinges of Matt's life in the dried
blood still lingered on his clothes.

"Don’t do this, Nick.  Don't block everything out."  Putting a hand
on his back, she told him, "It's not your fault.  You didn't kill him."

He spun on her, his eyes again softly glowing.  "Yes I did, Natalie.
If I had acted just a little faster-"

"Nick, you shot the suspect before Schanke even knew what was
happening.  He tells me that you acted faster than any cop he'd ever
seen under *any* circumstances.  It happened in a split second."

"It didn't feel like a second from where I was standing.  I...I
remember trying to decide between shooting and using the vampire for
what seemed like minutes.  I should have taken the other option.  I
could have saved him."

She watched as Nick walked away.  As he stopped halfway across the
room, she turned and told him, "You couldn't have done anything more
than you did--even as a vampire.  There wasn't enough time.  You did
the right thing, Nick.  By acting when you did, you possibly saved
Schanke's life, even if you couldn't save Matt's."

Approaching, she watched as Nick's head drooped.  "Nick?"  He didn't
answer, barely making any movements.  "You know, if you do become
mortal, you'll possibly be confronted with this again.  Eventually,
you're going to have to deal-"

"I know that," he hissed, turning just enough so his eyes and fangs
were visible to her.  "Please...just go.  I need to think."

She froze in her spot at his first words.  Even now, she felt her
heart pounding in her chest, probably not making matters any easier
for Nick.  "Uh...Cohen wants you to stay home for a couple of nights.
If you want to talk, call or drop by, okay?"  Again, he remained
silent.  "Nick?  Please."

As he nodded and faced away from her, she slowly made her way to the
door, silently wishing he would be all right.  He was taking full
blame for what had happened.

She let the door of the lift shut behind her.  As she descended,
Natalie leaned against the side of the elevator, hoping that Nick's
guilt would fade after a few days.


Shades of Grey - (03/21)

Once Natalie's heartbeat faded from his surroundings, he let out the
breath he'd been holding.  Walking back over to the table, he stared
down at his jacket.  Even though the vampire was close to the
surface, he still wasn't hungry.  He wanted something, but couldn't
place it.

He sat down, fingering one of the spots on his jacket.  The blood
wasn't quite dry, and he knew he could get a taste of its owner if he
really wanted to...but he wouldn't.

Matthew Hart had died for one simple reason--him.  True, in the
state he was in, hungry and somewhat weak, he never would have been
able to reach Matt in time had he flown, but a healthy vampire could
have.  If he'd fed that night, he could have saved him.

As his anger rose, he felt his fangs pierce down into his lower lip,
drawing his own blood.  As a mortal, he wouldn't have been able to do
even what he had done.  The area had been dark, the trees blending
easily in with each other, creating a field of shadows.  To a mortal,
their suspect probably looked no different than their surroundings
other than an occasional reflection of their face in the dim moonlight.

As a mortal, he'd probably be dead in a few months time.  He relied
on his ability to heal too often.  He'd been a vampire for more than
seven and a half centuries, and, suffice it to say, he had gotten
used to it.  It didn't take a thought to fly or hunt...but took so
much energy to simply decide to shoot someone.  Even then, he'd used
his night vision to see the suspect and aim his weapon.

The more he thought about it the more he realized that being mortal
wasn't quite what he wanted.  He didn't want to kill, but neither did
he want to watch others die.  As a mortal, he would not have the
ability to save them.  If he'd only used what he was....

Now, he almost wished Natalie hadn't left...but he also knew that
she wouldn't understand.  Seriously, he considered going to Janette. 
Yet, the same problem would come up.  With all of Janette's teasing
aside, she did worry when he acted strangely, and if he were to state
to her that he no longer wanted to become human, she would become
concerned.  He didn't want to deal with that.

Closing his eyes, the scent of drying blood burned his senses as he
breathed.  He stood, distancing himself somewhat.  Still, he wasn't
hungry, even though it had been a little more than three days since
he'd had any blood.  He should be, but the scene had made him lose
his appetite.

He would take a shower and then get rid of his jacket--it was so
much easier to just throw it away instead of hassling with cleaning
away the blood.  Afterwards, perhaps he would feed...or better yet,
just go to sleep and try to get the events out of his mind.

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

Walking into the Raven the next night, Nick found himself scanning
the club not for Janette, but LaCroix.  For some reason or another,
Janette wasn't there.  He was glad for it.  He went to the bar, where
Miklos immediately turned, preparing to pour a glass of his special
vintage.  Reaching forward and catching the other's arm, he told him,
"The House Special, Miklos, not my usual."

"If that's what you want," the Hungarian replied, quickly pouring a
glass full of the requested vintage.  "Do you want me to leave the
bottle?"

"Yeah, leave it."  As Miklos turned away, heading to another part of
the bar, Nick stared into the glass.  Although he wasn't really
hungry, he picked it up, taking a large swallow of the human blood. 
He closed his eyes at the taste.  It had been a while since he'd
allowed himself to partake of human blood.  The flavor was fuller
than his usual, but despite that, it did nothing to sooth his
emotions.  What he wanted and, more importantly, what he needed,
didn't come in a bottle.  He pushed that thought away, wanting
nothing more than to relax.

Emptying the glass, he refilled it without a second thought.  A
short distance away, he saw his sire's form approaching.  He ignored
the elder vampire's presence, even as LaCroix stopped right next to
him, picking up the bottle.

"I haven't seen you around recently.  What's the occasion?  It can't
be your work; otherwise you most certainly wouldn't be indulging
yourself like this...."

"Don't even start, LaCroix."

"My, my...that's no way to talk to one's elders...."

Downing the glass, Nick closed his eyes, trying to contain his
emotions.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with the death of that detective
last night, would it?"

Nick tensed, not moving.  His sire knew exactly what happened...and
it didn't really surprise him.  LaCroix always knew what was up,
especially when it involved what was on his mind.  He shot a glare
toward LaCroix after a moment, but didn't say anything.

Seeing flecks of gold in his son's eyes, LaCroix nearly smiled.  "He
would have died eventually--all mortals do.  You know that more so
than even I."  He watched as the younger turned away slightly. 
Taking the bottle, he refilled his son's glass, taking a sip of the
blood before setting it next to his son's hand.  "Not a bad vintage,
although I think I have something you might enjoy more considering
your present mood."

"I just want to sit, LaCroix.  Sit and think.  Leave me be."  With
that, he stood, taking the bottle and glass in his hand.

"If you change your mind, I'll be in the office."  His son's eyes
locked with his own, the blue almost outnumbered by gold.  Abruptly,
Nicholas started toward the back of the club.  LaCroix smiled, just
barely.

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

LaCroix leaned back, listening to the nearly unnoticeable music and
heartbeats on the other side of the office door.  He enjoyed it in
here.  Janette had the room soundproofed, and although not perfect,
it made this one of his favorite rooms in the club.

Sensing Nicholas' approach and then hesitation at the door, he sat
up, focusing on the door.  It slowly opened, and after a second, his
son slipped inside, carefully closing the door behind him.  Yet, the
younger vampire didn't immediately turn back to him.

He stood and went to the other side of the desk.  "Nicholas...I am
pleased to see you here."  Picking up the small crystal container
that had been sitting on the desk, he walked up behind his son. 
Removing the stopper loosely resting in the opening, LaCroix held it
out.  "Drink it, Nicholas.  It's quite good."

Nick turned, staring at the container.  The blood-scent lapped
strongly at his senses, his nature rising slightly in anticipation. 
Momentarily, he considered refusing, but quickly took it from
LaCroix, taking a sip of the contents.  His eyes widened slightly. 
It really was quite good...but then, LaCroix would settle for no less.

"I'm considering getting more...perhaps save it for another time." 
He watched as Nicholas upended the container, quickly drinking in the
blood.  He smiled.  There was something on his son's mind; he could
feel it.  Something that he had refused to mention to anyone, or for
that matter, even allow himself to think about.

Taking the empty crystal container back to the desk, LaCroix turned
to find his son facing him, still in the same place near the door. 
What caught his attention, however, were Nicholas' eyes.  They were a
striking shade of gold, their need clearly apparent.  This time as he
smiled, it would have been obvious to any onlookers that he was very
pleased with the result.

Returning to Nicholas' side, he was surprised when the younger man
pulled him to the side, pushing him against the wall.  Yet, seeing
the vampire in full reign before him made him hold back any comments,
his lips still twisted into a smile.

He saw a flash of the other's fangs before his mouth was caught in a
kiss.  Indistinctly, he felt Nicholas' fingers undoing the pin at his
neck and then the top buttons of his shirt.  His own fangs descended,
and at that, Nicholas pulled back.

The younger man stared at him for several moments before repeating
the previous action.  This time, Nicholas' hands pushed him harder
against the wall, pinning him in place.  Deliberately, he raised his
own hands, unbuttoning the other's shirt and pushing it to the side.

As Nicholas released him for a second, he leaned against the wall. 
A second later, he felt the same lips that had only recently met with
his own against his neck, Nicholas' fangs teasing his throat.

"And to think that even for a moment I thought the mortals had
actually managed to take you away from me."  Finally, he allowed his
own eyes to glow.  "They never will, Nicholas.  Never."  With that,
he sank his fangs into his son's waiting throat, and a split-second
later Nicholas did the same, completing the circle.

They each gripped the other tightly, and as they shared blood,
LaCroix found himself pulling Nicholas closer to try and strengthen
the sensations he was getting, if only by a little.  His son's blood,
despite the present thoughts and emotions running rampant in it, was
as vibrant as that first taste when he'd brought Nicholas across.

LaCroix pulled back first, licking away the blood around the wounds
he'd made.  Resting, he closed his eyes, allowing Nicholas to take
more of his blood.  After a moment, his son, too, drew away.

Abruptly, he again found the younger's lips meeting his, and once
more they kissed.  Their tongues intertwined, the blood in each of
their mouth's mixing.

As they separated, he found himself longing for more.  Meeting the
other's eyes, he saw that Nicholas, too, wanted more...but now was
neither the best time nor place.  Not only that, but it was obvious
to him that Nicholas would need some time to consider what happened.

Watching as his son took another step back, he held the younger's
gaze as Nicholas re-buttoned his shirt.  A somewhat awkward silence
came between them, which was interrupted when Nicholas slowly licked
the few drops of blood off his lips.  Then, in an instant, Nicholas
was gone, the door shut tightly behind him.

LaCroix let himself lean fully against the hard surface behind him. 
It was clear that there would be more on this...but what he didn't
know.  For the first time in quite a while Nicholas had come to him. 
His son had needed no encouragement.  It had been completely of his
son's will, something that made him wonder if, perhaps, Nicholas
might come back to him in the near future.

Fixing his shirt and his sword pin, LaCroix headed back to the desk,
sitting down.  Leaning back, he once again took in the near silence
of the room.  Reaching across the link with his son, he found the
other just a short distance away in the club.  Nicholas hadn't left,
something that surprised him.  Maybe...just maybe his thoughts
weren't as wishful as he'd originally believed.


Shades of Grey - (04/21)

Returning to the club, Nick quickly found himself back in the same
seat he had been in earlier.  Almost immediately, a waitress sat a
bottle and a glass on the table without a word.  He stared at the
clean glass, his thoughts elsewhere.

What had happened with LaCroix was...well, unexpected.  He hadn't
even thought about what he was doing.  He had simply acted.  If only
he had left after he had sampled that blood.  He had simply acted on
what he wanted, what he needed, and had taken it.

When he'd pinned LaCroix against the wall, he had expected his sire
to react, switching their positions in an instant.  He knew the elder
vampire could have done so at any time, and he wondered why he
hadn't.  The taste of LaCroix' blood was fresh in his mouth and he
wanted more.

No, that wasn't quite right.  He wanted the blood, yes, but he
wanted more than that...much more.

He shoved that thought to the back of his mind and tied it up as
tight as was possible.  *That* was something he really didn't want to
be thinking of at the moment.

Taking the bottle, he pulled the cork out and poured himself a
glass.  Before he had a chance to take a sip, he sensed something
familiar.  Scanning the Raven, he saw Schanke's form coming down the
stairs.  A second later, his partner had spotted him and was
approaching.  He audibly groaned, and then drank the full glass in
one, long draught.

As Schanke sat down across from him, he refilled his glass. 
Preparing to take another drink, he found a mortal hand stopping him.
He looked into his partner's eyes, glaring at him.  After a moment,
Schanke let go and he took a sip of the blood.

"Nick...I've been looking for you.  You weren't at home, and Cohen
said you hadn't come in so I knew something was up and..." Schanke
said, trailing off upon catching another glare.  "I...guess I just
want to know how you're doing.  You were really out of it last night."

"I'm fine," he stated, and then took a large swallow of the blood. 
"Just leave me be."  With that, he finished off the glass in one
gulp.  Reaching for the bottle, he discovered Schanke had already
grabbed it and was pulling it away from him.  He needed the
blood...he needed the blood to sooth his anger at himself.  "Give it
back," he demanded.

"I'm not really one to say, Nick--after all, we're only partners--
but this isn't how to deal with what happened."

"And what is, Schank?!" he nearly hissed.  Although he hadn't
changed, he felt some of his partner's fear.  "Tell me!"

About to speak, Schanke stopped upon seeing someone else approach.

"Leave Nicholas be, Detective."

Meeting the other's gaze, he held his position.  Then, something hit
him--both the icy glare LaCroix was presently directing toward him
and his partner's glare were much alike.  Faintly, he remembered part
of a conversation he'd had, and that LaCroix had mentioned that he
and Janette were his partner's family.

He held the bottle out to Nick, who quickly yanked it out of his
grasp.  Watching his partner, Schanke couldn't help but be concerned
about the strange behavior--even for Nick.  And yet, he knew there
would be no chance of arguing with the man that stood there, waiting
for him to leave.  "Just...don't do anything rash, okay, Nick?"

Nick stared up at Schanke for a moment, then looked back to his
glass without a word.  He'd already done something 'rash', and if
things continued in the direction they were heading, they might
become even more so.

Realizing he wasn't going to get anywhere with Nick, Schanke told
him, "Well, I'll see you later, partner."  After pausing, he turned
and headed out of the club without looking back.

Once his son's mortal partner had left, LaCroix commented, "I see
you have decided to stay."

"Yes, and if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone."

Watching his son stare into the depths of the bottle he was holding,
LaCroix carefully thought through his reaction.  Eventually, he
nodded, heading across the club and to the bar, where he silently
observed his son as the night passed.

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

Pushing the lift door open, Natalie found herself surrounded by the
blackness of the loft.  Usually it wasn't this dark--especially
considering that it was after dawn.  Nick normally kept a couple of
lights on if there was a possibility she might drop by...even
occasionally keeping one of the blinds up.

Walking through the familiar room, she walked straight for an end
table and a lamp.  Turning it on, her eyes took a second to adjust to
the sudden brightness.  When they did, she could see Nick on the
couch, flinching back from the light.  A bottle--empty--was loosely
held in one hand, the other being held up in front of his eyes.

"Turn it off, Natalie," he harshly stated.  When she didn't, he
lowered his hand, his eyes now staring straight at her.  "Turn it off
and leave."

She pursed her lips.  He wasn't going to get off that easy.  "I'm
not leaving until you tell me what's going on."

"Nothing."

"Nothing," she repeated.  Before he had a chance to stop her, she
snatched the bottle out of his hand, staring at the label.  She knew
for a fact that the cow's blood Nick usually drank didn't have any
labels on it...but human blood did.  "This doesn't look like
'nothing' to me, Nick."  He shot a glare at her, which she ignored. 
"Schanke called me earlier tonight.  He mentioned that he found you
at the Raven."

He locked gazes with her, not immediately answering.  Turning away
slightly, he told her, "So what if I was?  Is there something that
says I can't go there?"

She ignored his comment.  "He said you were drinking.  Human blood,
I'll bet--just like the missing contents of this bottle.  And,
looking at you and judging by your reaction time, I'd say you're just
about drunk on it."  She easily discerned his anger at the
comment...or perhaps it was just from the tone of her voice?  She
knew she was pushing him, but...she was angry.  More specifically,
she was angry that this didn't seem to matter to him.

"What do you care?  I'm a vampire.  Vampires drink blood...human
blood."

The statement made her stiffen.  "I thought you wanted out of that
existence, that you wanted to be human."  She stepped closer, holding
the bottle out.  "Nick, this stuff is what is holding you back.  When
you drink it, you lose all of the progress we've made."

"Progress?"  He nearly laughed before quickly sobering.  "Because of
wanting to be mortal--wanting to be weak and slow like them--a man
died.  I could have saved him if it wasn't for your 'progress'."

"I thought you wanted this, Nick.  I thought you wanted to become
human...that we were working toward something."  She threw her hand
in the air, the other again holding the bottle up.  "You know,
sometimes I wonder why I try.  Perhaps you can't change.  It's sure
starting to seem that way."  She stopped, letting her hands again
fall to her side.  "The blood probably isn't even a big deal to you,
is it?  In a week you'll be out hunting, killing for it, won't you?"

He simmered at her words, but for the most part remained calm.  "You
don't know what it's like for me."

"Oh, I don't?"  She moved closer, setting the bottle on the table. 
Looking down at him, she told him, "I feel pretty worthless right
now.  You say you want to be mortal...and then you just throw
everything back in my face.  You haven't been drinking the shakes,
and you aren't even trying to eat anything solid.  I don't think you
know what you want.  If anything, I'd say you've probably even
considered hunting again, haven't you?  You'd like that, wouldn't
you?  Draining your victim's blood faster than you did this bottle
and savoring it like some expensive dessert."  Her words halted,
realizing that if she didn't stop soon, the conversation was going to
get more out of hand than it already was.  She was waiting for a
reaction, but he just sat, silently holding back whatever thoughts
she had started.  Did he care?  Even a little?  Or, was this all a
game to him?  She looked straight into his eyes, stating, "Or maybe
you've already decided."

The accusation stung, his anger visibly rising.  Without even a hint
of hesitation, he replied, "Maybe I will.  Hunting, now that you've
mentioned it, is starting to sound good right about now.  It's not
that hard to kill a mortal, especially one this close."

His words set her off, and before she knew what she was doing, she
slapped him across the face as hard as she could.  In an instant, he
was standing next to her, holding her arm in a vice-like grip.  After
a second, her wrist started to hurt, but she neither budged nor
looked away from his golden eyes and gleaming white fangs.

Despite knowing his reaction was more her fault than his, she wasn't
going to test and see whether he was lying or not.  It was difficult
to tell with the way he was, and right now, she just wanted to put
some space between them.  Natalie struggled against his grip, trying
to free herself.  After a moment, he released her, and she turned and
headed for the stairs without another word.


Nick inwardly winced as the door slammed shut.  Then, sending the
empty bottle careening toward the wall, he fell back into the couch. 
He shouldn't have said anything...he should have just remained silent.

But...she was wrong.  He hadn't even thought about hunting, nor did
he have any wish to do so.  Her comment had just hit too close.

When she'd hit him, he'd reacted out of instinct.  He knew he
deserved it, but the beast was angry.  If it wasn't for his decision
not to hunt, not to kill for the blood, he knew she'd be dead.  His
want for a cure was fading...and now he was beginning to wonder if
he'd really wanted it in the first place.

Yes, as a vampire he could kill...but he could also help.  The
question was, which could he do more good as--a vampire or a mortal? 
The answer to that question wasn't something he really wanted to deal
with right now.

Natalie's words had hurt.  They brought up thoughts and doubts,
making him wonder just what he wanted....  For the moment, all he
wanted was to erase their conversation from existence, or at the very
least, his memory of it.  He wanted to relax and forget about the
world.  Let it go on without him for a couple of days--but it wasn't
going to let him, he knew.

Getting up, he headed for the refrigerator and pulled out another
bottle of human blood.  He went back to the couch, slowly sitting
down.   All the while, his eyes were fixated on the bottle.  Pulling
the cork out, he took a long draught of the blood, closing his eyes
and leaning back.  For today, this would be his respite.

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

From his position at the bar, LaCroix had carefully watched his son.
Nicholas had been drinking blood-wine since his arrival at the
beginning of the night--several bottles' worth.  The club would close
in about a half an hour, but Nicholas didn't seem to care.

An hour later, he kept his vigil, watching as his son sat with a
bottle of human blood, taking a sip every now and then.  He had told
the others to leave Nicholas alone, and that if his son asked for
anything, to get it without comment.

Soon, it was dawn, yet Nicholas remained at his table.  LaCroix
wasn't quite concerned...but he was curious as to what brought on
this change.  It was unusual for him to see his son literally drunk
on blood.  But, as long as no attention was brought to their kind, he
wasn't about to dissuade the younger vampire's actions.

Approaching, he stopped just off to the side of where Nicholas was
sitting.  "It is dawn.  You'll have to stay the day."

Nick glanced up at his sire, and then back to the nearly empty
bottle he was holding.  He silently nodded, but made no move to stand.

"I'll be in the apartment, Nicholas.  Don't spend all day sulking
down here."  Turning, he left the main area of the club, not waiting
to see if Nicholas would follow.  He knew that trying to force his
son to do anything was just a waste of time...even if he had often
resorted to it.  He could wait.  Just like the night before, he knew
Nicholas would eventually take his offer.


Shades of Grey - (05/21)

Sitting on his couch, LaCroix waited patiently.  Nicholas had come
up a few minutes after he had, immediately heading toward the
bathroom to take a shower.

Faintly, he wondered if his son even knew Janette had left Toronto. 
Sure, Nicholas had to know that she wasn't here...but he didn't know
that she wouldn't be back.  It had only been a few days, and both the
Raven and the apartment, although his, looked no different than when
Janette had been here.  His son was so preoccupied, he probably
hadn't noticed.

Hearing the water shut off, he remained where he was for a couple of
minutes.  Then, putting his glass on the table, he stood and made his
way down the hall.  Seeing that the bathroom was empty, he continued
down to the end of the hall.

He stood in the doorway of what was his new room, watching as his
son hunted for something to change into.  "Top dresser drawer," he
stated, with a nod across the room, not moving any closer.

Nick halted his search, turning to LaCroix.  "Thanks, now just leave
me alone."

He raised his eyebrows at the rough, hard tone of his son's voice. 
When Nicholas reached for his clothes on the bed, LaCroix moved
closer, spinning the younger to look at him.  "Stop this, now!  I can
feel the guilt seeping out of you.  Mortals die, and you have no
reason to worry over what you 'could have' done!"

Closing his eyes, Nick took several deep breaths.  "I know, LaCroix.
I'm trying to get past it, but I can't."  He turned, walking across
the room.  "The world just won't let me think.  Schanke, Natalie, and
everyone else keep telling me what I should or shouldn't do and I
haven't had any time to make much sense of it.  I want to do what I
want to do...but it's just not working."

LaCroix held his position as Nicholas' stress flowed freely across
their link.  Taking a few steps closer, he prodded, "And what is it
that you want, Nicholas?"

Stopping, Nick stared at the wall, and with a sigh said, "I want to
forget about everything for a little while...I want to be me without
anyone telling me what I should do.  I just want to pretend the world
doesn't exist and not have it interrupt me."

Approaching the younger, LaCroix gently turned his son to look him. 
In Nicholas' eyes, he watched as all of his son's emotions melted
together.  There was a touch of fear in them; something he knew was
because of his presence.  His son was afraid that he, too, was going
to add to the confusion.

Although he had already given Nicholas a suggestion, he would make
no further comment on the matter.  However, if the younger vampire
wanted to forget about his surroundings, he would do what he could to
aid in that.

Slowly, he raised his hand to the younger man's face, pulling him
nearer and closing the distance between them.  Their lips met--no
more than a brush of flesh against flesh.  With a second kiss,
however, whatever tenderness the first had alluded to was gone as if
it had never been there.

They kissed, Nick's hands going to undo LaCroix' shirt of their own
will.  Before long, not a single button remained in its place.  They
each grasped onto the other, their bodies nearly becoming one.

Then, abruptly, Nick sank his fangs into the other's neck, taking
the precious blood that lay inside.  LaCroix returned the action, and
they each drank their fill.

As they pulled away from one another, LaCroix again held the
younger's face.  His Nicholas was so beautiful when in this state,
uninhibited by his quest for mortality and allowing what he was to
take control.  Wishing this would happen more often, his lips curved
slightly upward.

Spying a drop of blood sitting invitingly on Nicholas' lower lip, he
carefully neared the other, licking it away and initiating another
kiss.  It was, at first, hesitantly allowed...but as before, it
quickly became more.

Spinning Nicholas around so that the younger's back was against his
chest, LaCroix gently guided his son's head to the side.  Beneath the
taut skin, he could smell the blood slowly flowing through Nicholas'
veins.  His fangs teased the smooth flesh, reminding himself that he
couldn't rush this.

He allowed one hand to explore Nicholas' stomach, its target slowly
moving lower.  Concentrating on their bond, he sensed the pleasure
Nicholas was receiving from this.  It was something he had not felt
for many decades, and he wasn't going to let it fade away, either. 
Not only that, but his prodding alerted him to just how aroused the
younger was.

Unwrapping the towel, LaCroix let it fall to a pile on the floor. 
Then, slowly, he continued his previous actions, his fingers lightly
running the length of Nicholas' erection.  The younger's body
stiffened at the action, but he didn't pull away.  "Nicholas...?"

The reaction wasn't verbal, but as LaCroix felt his son lean back
against him, it was clear what the answer was.  Teasing Nicholas'
neck, he quickly rid himself of his own clothes.  As their bare skin
met, he felt Nicholas relax into him in a way he hadn't felt for many
years, at which he smiled to himself.

He guided the younger toward the bed, not feeling a speck of
resistance.  Only once Nicholas was helpless under him and on his
stomach did he sense something.  Teasing, he drew the other back
toward him, his erection just pressing lightly against the younger
man.  At that, Nicholas wrenched himself from his position, twisting
and causing LaCroix to be pushed to the side and land on the bed on
his back.

"Not right now, LaCroix, I...I can't."

He had known those words were coming right from the beginning.  At
least it lasted as long as it did.  Nodding, he moved toward the edge
of the bed, yet felt himself being stopped by the other's hand.

"Stay...I'm just not ready for that right now.  Please."

Needing no further words of encouragement, he smiled and turned
back, attempting to excite Nicholas once more.  At first, the younger
vampire remained stiff and unresponsive, but soon Nicholas' muscles
relaxed.  When Nicholas began to return his attentions, he slowly
pressed forward, increasing the sensations he was delivering.

Somewhat abruptly, Nicholas pulled him into a kiss, pushing his
mouth open with his tongue.  LaCroix moaned as his fangs ached from
Nicholas' teasing.  His son drew back, and he saw a smile.  He
returned it, and then kissed the other back, holding Nicholas tightly
against him.

As their passions built, they ground their bodies together in need. 
Nearing his limits, LaCroix bit hard into Nicholas' shoulder,
spasming slightly as he climaxed.

A moment later, he again found himself on his back, Nicholas roughly
pushing his head to the side and taking his blood.  Feeling Nicholas'
muscles begin to loosen, LaCroix held him, encouraging the younger to
drink more.

As they calmed, their breathing slowed and the room became silent. 
Glancing down, he smiled upon noticing his son had fallen asleep. 
Through their connection, he was pleased to know that, at least for
now, Nicholas' guilt and other thoughts had been pushed to the back
of his mind.

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

He let the warm water run over his skin, soothing him.  This was
something he needed.  Nick leaned with his hands against the wall,
his eyes closed as he tried to relax.

Upon waking--now nearly a quarter of an hour before--he had found
himself with LaCroix' arms wrapped possessively around him.  It had
taken a moment to free himself of the embrace while at the same time
trying not to wake him.  When he'd finally done so, he wasn't
entirely sure if LaCroix was awake or not...nor was that the first
thing on his mind.

His first glimpse of the clock had been his reason for getting up. 
Otherwise, he would have willingly stayed there as long as he could. 
As it was, he had already missed the first hour of his shift.

After the day's events, another shower had become a necessity. 
Despite being late, he had made up his mind that he wouldn't rush
himself.  He was rarely late...and in truth, he really didn't want to
go to work tonight.

If it were possible, he would just ignore it and stay here, letting
the world go on without him.  But...he couldn't.  Not without having
Schanke and Natalie on his case more than they already were.

Rinsing the shampoo out of his hair, he turned the hot water off. 
Simply standing under the icy water finished waking him up, at which
he quickly got out of the shower and dried off.

Reaching for his clothes, which he'd tossed in the corner, he
quickly dressed.  That morning, it had been a mistake to not bring
his clothes with him into the bathroom.  If he had, perhaps...just
perhaps events wouldn't have proceeded the way they had.  But, did he
really loathe what he'd done, or did he in truth, as his body was
telling him, what it?  Halting that line of thought, he pushed open
the door and headed for the kitchen.  Then, before even reaching his
destination, he killed that thought as well.

He really wasn't hungry...and he had drunk more than enough blood
over the previous night and day.  Realizing he didn't have his badge
or weapon...or a clean set of clothes, for that matter, he cursed
under his breath.  Now he'd have to stop by the loft before heading
to the precinct, making him even later.  Quickly, he left the
apartment and, as soon as he was outside, he took to the night air,
thankful that he hadn't driven the Caddy.

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

As Nick slouched into his chair, Schanke leaned forward and told
him, "You know, Cohen's been looking for you.  She wasn't too
thrilled when you didn't show up."

"I'm here, all right, Schank?" he practically snapped, wondering if
he should have dressed quicker.  But, no, that would have made him
more uptight than he already was.

"Okay, okay...I'm just warning you."  Schanke shuffled some papers,
and then stopped, watching his partner stare off in space. 
"Nick...you know, if this is really bothering you, you could talk to
Cohen about it."

"I'm fine."

"Nick, you look like you've been up all day.  If how you were two
nights ago is any indication, you should probably head home.  I'm
sure Cohen would let you, considering everything."

Nick shot a glare at his partner.  Now, Schanke was telling him that
he should go home because of the case.  "I'm fine, Schanke," he said
with tight, controlled words.

"Perhaps you should listen to your partner, Knight.  Right now, I'm
going to suggest that you go home."  Catching his gaze, she noticed
that he wasn't quite his normal self.  "I want to talk to you in my
office for a moment."

As she turned and left, Nick was careful to keep his emotions
concealed.  Standing, he stiffly walked into Cohen's office.

"Close the door, Knight."

He met her eyes a moment, and then reluctantly did as she asked.

"I know this is hard on you.  With Matt's death and tagging his
shooter, I think you need a couple of more days off.  Give yourself
some time to deal with it."

He locked his jaw.  "Captain, I don't need any more time off."

"If you don't take it, I will force you to if I have to, Knight." 
His attention snapped to her, and she continued, "Go home, Detective.
Relax.  We can go a couple of more nights without you here."

Even though he really didn't want to be there, he also didn't want
to be told what to do.  He was tired of it.  He locked onto her
heartbeat, firmly stating, "*I don't need to go home, and I'm going
to stay.*"

"You're...  You are going to go home, Knight."

Nick kept his anger down.  He was going to stay.  "*You've thought
more about it, and are going to tell me that I can stay.  I don't
need to go home.*"

She hesitated.  "You don't...."  Snapping out of it, she completely
forgot what she was telling Knight.  "Get back to work, but I don't
want you overdoing it."

He gave her a half smile, and then quickly left the office before
she changed her mind.  Slipping into his chair, Nick saw the strange
look on his partner's face.  "What?"

"I thought Cohen was going to send you home.  What did you do to
change her mind?"

"Nothing.  She just wanted to tell me to take it easy."

"I don't believe it.  You can get out of anything, can't you?"  He
shook his head, but stopped at the look his partner was giving him. 
"Okay, okay...I won't say anything else.  Still, I agree with what
she said out here."

If Schanke asked him once more....  "I'm fine, Schanke. 
Please...just leave it at that."

Schanke hesitated before responding.  Focusing on the report in
front of him, he hoped Nick would lighten up a little as the night
went on.  "Whatever you want, partner.  Time to find Mr. Withers...no
luck, yet."


Shades of Grey - (06/21)

Staring down at the stone jutting up out of the ground, Nick
clenched his jaw.  Hart's funeral had been that day.  He, of course,
had been unable to attend.  And even if he had been able to go, he
didn't know if he would have.

He wasn't sure exactly why he had even come here.  The day had been
empty of any thoughts about this...yet leaving the Raven, he knew he
would have to confront this sometime and figured now was as good a
time as any.

It was his fault that this grave was filled, and he fully admitted
it.  If he had only used his abilities, it wouldn't be there.  If he
hadn't been so weak, he would have acted without thought...and Matt
would have survived.

His thoughts on his wish for mortality were jumbled.  Although he
somewhat wanted to continue his search, he was questioning what good
it would do.  In the past, he had saved the lives of his partners
more than once...and every time it had been possible because of what
he was.

He had saved them as a vampire.  Being a vampire in itself wasn't
that bad...it was just dealing with everything that came along with
it.  Although he enjoyed being able to fly, and would almost
certainly have to move on to another life, mortality was still
tempting to him, even if it probably wasn't the most logical choice.

And yet, at this exact moment, he had no wish to be mortal.  Not a
shred of his being leaned in that direction, instead it was pulling
him toward the Community and LaCroix.

If it weren't for Natalie and Schanke, he would be more relaxed than
he had been in a long time.  He enjoyed spending time with LaCroix,
and hoped their closeness would continue and build.

He turned, standing still for a moment before taking to the sky and
heading to the precinct.  For now, he needed to bury his guilt
somewhere where it wouldn't bother him and focus on other thoughts.

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

Mulling over his paperwork, Nick tried to keep up a semblance of
working.  All of a sudden, he felt like he wasn't accomplishing
anything and never would.  The end of yesterday's shift and what
there had been of tonight had been...suffice it to say...boring.

Work was repetitive, and it had been made clear to him that being
mortal would either be the end of his career, or death to his
partner.  And then, there was his quest, his cure.  He and Natalie
weren't making much progress lately--she'd practically said it
herself.  All it had resulted in were a few false alarms and a hungry
vampire.

And then, the last few days, he'd been drinking human blood, and
lots of it.  It had him uptight and on edge, but at least the hunger
wasn't gnawing at him.  He liked the peace the blood gave a semblance
of.

Despite realizing LaCroix was at least partly right in that he can't
deny what he is, he didn't want to disappoint Natalie, either.  She
had spent so much of the past few years helping him.  He didn't want
her to feel like it was all a waste.  Perhaps he should just move
on...leave and let the mortals get on with their lives.  Yet, he knew
he wouldn't.  There were too many things here, too many memories.

He snapped out of his thoughts as his partner tossed him his jacket.
"What?"

"Time to rock and roll, partner.  We just got a call from our Mr.
Withers.  He's at a hotel across town and thinks he's safe for the
moment, but knows he's being tailed."

Standing up and slipping his jacket on, Nick asked, "By our suspect?"

"That would be my guess.  Let's get over there before he's found."

As Schanke headed out, he hesitated, thinking how much faster he'd
be able to get there if he flew.  Shaking the thought away, Nick
started after his partner, hoping the night would pass without any
incidents.

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

Pulling into the hotel parking lot, neither wasted any time getting
out and heading for the building.

"Schank?  Make sure the manager knows what's going on, and then
catch up."  Receiving a nod, Nick calmly but quickly headed for room
121.  Scanning the numbers on this side of the building, he noticed
they only went up to 115.  Heading around to the other side, he could
just see the door to the room.  It was open.

Picking up his pace, he pulled his gun out, wanting to be ready for
whatever he'd find.  Upon reaching the door, he stopped.  Inside, he
could hear nothing--no movements, and no signs of life.  Going in, he
quickly checked the room.  As expected, no one was present.

On the table, he spied some papers, and on one of them, he saw 'Mark
Withers'.  Exiting the room, he stretched out his senses.  Upon
hearing heavy footsteps and breathing a short distance away, he
immediately headed in that direction.

As the sounds stopped, he headed around the corner, and then
abruptly halted.  Only a few meters to the side and in front of him
stood a man who he guessed was Withers.  And, not far down along the
building was the suspect, his gun aimed at Withers.

Seconds later, Schanke was there near the suspect, gun aimed and
telling him to surrender.  Nick stepped out of the shadows, raising
his weapon and echoing his partner's words.

The next moments flew quickly by--literally.  The suspect verbally
refused to comply and took aim at Withers, who was frozen in place. 
In the next instant, Nick flew toward Withers, the gun was fired, and
he felt a bullet hit him in the side as he pushed Withers to safety.

Coming to a stop, he saw Schanke holding the shooter against the
wall, his eyes bulging slightly and locked on him.  The emotions in
his partner's gaze he couldn't quite place...but he knew that this
time he would have to explain.  There was no way out of it.  Sirens
filled the air and he deliberately avoided Schanke as others arrived.
Explanations could wait until later.  Right now, he just wanted out
of there, but knew he'd have to wait until at least they returned to
the precinct.

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

Schanke scanned the room...again.  His partner was nowhere to be
seen.  Ever since they'd returned with Withers, Nick had seemingly
vanished.

"Did you lose something, Detective?  Your partner, perhaps?"

"No, I...."  He stopped upon seeing the look on Cohen's face.  There
was no use arguing.  "Well, I guess you could say that.  He
disappeared after we came back here."

"Then find him, Schanke."

He watched as Cohen left, and then, he just stood there.  Although
he did want to find Nick, at the same time, he didn't.  Without his
partner there, it gave him time to think.  And thinking is just what
he needed to do.

At the hotel, all was confusion.  Only upon coming back here did
things start to fall into place.  He had seen his partner fly.  Again.

About two months before, Nick had saved his life by flying in front
of a shooter and knocking him out.  Not being able to comprehend it,
he had found every scrap of information on his partner, which he had
to admit, wasn’t much, and tried to piece it together.  What he'd
discovered made no more sense than what he'd seen.  Nick was, by all
indications, a vampire.  Everything fit, dovetailing together to
paint a very...unnerving picture.

Through his search for an answer, he'd gone to anyone that he was
aware Nick knew--Natalie, Janette...even that Nightcrawler guy.  The
last, he had bluntly asked if his partner was a vampire.  His
question, however, hadn't been answered.  What he had learned,
though, was whoever or whatever Nick was, he was still his partner. 
Until tonight, he had nearly forgotten about all of his prodding into
Nick's affairs.

Tonight, he had seen his partner fly.  The action had resulted in
saving Withers’ life, and if he'd seen correctly, Nick was also shot.
A human couldn't have done what he'd seen, nor could a human walk
away from that seemingly unscathed.  The question was--why hadn't
Nick saved Matt's life?  If he had the ability to do so, then why
didn't he?  And, for that matter, why was Nick acting so hostile
toward him?  If Nick had nothing to hide--as in, if he was what he'd
first believed--why was the other avoiding him like this?

He was afraid his earlier decision about Nick had been too hasty. 
Worry and doubt crept their way in, his suspicions already on the
rise.  Nick was a vampire, and he knew what vampires were.  He'd read
enough to know that.  And if his partner was a vampire...just how
close was that description?

"Detective, are you going to stand there for the remainder of your
shift?" Cohen asked, snapping the other out of his thoughts.

"Uh...no, Captain."  Grabbing his jacket, he told her, "I'm on it." 
Then, before she could comment, he was out the door and after his
partner.


Shades of Grey - (07/21)

From a table in the back of the Raven, Nick took a large sip of his
glass.  The blood wasn't helping.  If anything, it was only making
matters worse.

At the scene, he'd managed to get their suspect to forget about
seeing him, but Schanke was another matter.  He hoped his partner had
taken care of everything after they'd returned to the precinct. 
Withers, thankfully, hadn't seen him fly, nor had he any idea exactly
what had happened.  But Schanke....  Shaking his head, he pushed the
thought off and took another sip of the blood.

He could feel LaCroix' presence clearer now than he'd been able to
for quite some time...in over a century, he'd guess.  As the elder
vampire approached, he followed every movement.  When LaCroix sat
across from him, he was faintly surprised.  "What do you want,
LaCroix?"

"Shouldn't you be asking that of yourself?  I know what you want,
and I can see the need in your eyes.  If you sit here much longer
brooding over that bottle, you will reveal yourself to the mortals. 
Relax.  Have a little...fun.  Let what you are come to the surface. 
Do what you want to do, Nicholas."  He gave a smile to his son, and
then stood and headed back to the bar.

Nick sat, staring at the green glass of the bottle, considering
LaCroix' words.  What, exactly, did he want?

He wanted to get rid of this curse, or, perhaps more specifically,
he didn't want to be a killer.  Suddenly, something hit him.  It was,
ironically enough, something Natalie had told him more than once.  He
didn't have to kill for survival.  In fact, he hadn't done so for
some time.  Being a vampire didn't mean he had to be a killer.  He
didn't have to eradicate the beast, but maybe he could come to terms
with it.

Perhaps LaCroix was right in that he should stop trying to change
what he was.  He didn't have to kill like LaCroix to still be what he
was.  He also knew that as a vampire, he could do far more good than
as a mortal.

If, per chance, he ever attained his cure, he had no idea what he
would do with it.  In reality, he hadn't thought much beyond wanting
it.  Sure, it would be nice to eventually have a family, to be able
to live like the mortals...but did he really want that?  LaCroix had
told him--more times than he could count--that all mortality would
give him would be death.  Did he really want death?

Then, there was the big question that was behind it all.  What did
he want to do in the future, and what did he want to do right now? 
He wanted to forget about the mortals and do what he wanted to do. 
Turning his attention to the main part of the club, the sounds of the
music intensified as he focused on it, its strands permeating him.

There, among those present was one of his kind, a woman.  He had
seen her on a number of occasions at the Raven.  At one point, he
remembered Janette mentioning her and pointing out her beauty.  She
had caught his eye, but he had never considered acting on his
thoughts...until now.

He wanted her, and he needed the blood that she could offer.  Taking
her would be nothing...no guilt to carry around, and no worries.  His
eyes flashed crimson, and with a faint smile, he approached her.

She stopped dancing, returning his smile.  "I know who you are."

"Do you, really?" he asked, letting his nature just break the surface.

Despite the almost mad look in his eyes, she kept calm.  Stepping up
to him, she seductively ran a finger from his lips, down his throat
and finally down his chest.  All the while, she didn't break eye
contact.  "From what I've heard, you've been...tamed...by the mortals."

He spun her, his arms holding her tightly to him at her waist, his
lips brushing against her ear.  As his fangs just grazed her skin, he
assured her, "I haven't been tamed...far from it, actually."

"Hmm...and what is it you want, then?  Being one of LaCroix', I
wonder your intentions," she said, her voice betraying a hint of fear.

"What I want, at the moment, is you."

"And?" she asked, waiting to hear the conditions.

"And that is all.  Now, perhaps upon occasion in the future, but
nothing permanent."

The corners of her mouth turned up a little.  As her hands covered
his, she traced lines along the back of his hands and along his arms.
"Then, what are you waiting for?"

"For you to head over there," he said with a nod of his head,
indicating a room connected to the club.

She looked over, and she shook her head.  "That's off-limits."

"Not for me it isn't.  Besides, it's more private than the back
rooms."  He again let his fangs nibble her skin, this time, focusing
solely on her neck.

They made their way through those gathered, and Nick pushed the door
open with ease.  Once inside, he let it close on its own, not
bothering with the lock.  After all, it *was* off-limits, and no one
would dare enter for fear of LaCroix.

As she turned in his hold, he took her mouth with his, kissing her
deeply.  Her hands unbuttoned his shirt, and a moment later, he felt
them against his bare chest.

He grinned, allowing his eyes to fully change for the first time. 
Watching as she practically marveled at his appearance, he commented,
"You're fairly young, aren't you?"

"Yes, I am."

"Hmm...then you're in for a bit of a surprise...."  With that, he
stepped forward, leading her back until she was against the wall. 
Kissing her on the lips, he quickly turned his center of attention to
her neck, and then lower.  Her shirt was low-cut, and he teased the
skin with his tongue and fangs, pushing the light fabric aside.

Then, pulling her bra back with his fingers, he at first gently, and
then more roughly, teased her breast until she was pressing herself
against the wall, a soft moan escaping her lips.

When he ceased his actions, their lips meeting and his hands firmly
pulling her toward him, she told him, "No...don't stop.  Please...."

"We'll do more later.  For now, I want to taste you...feel your life
inside me."  He kissed her again, his tongue caressing her fangs,
arousing her further.

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

Schanke scanned the Raven for his partner.  After trying Nick's
home, and then Natalie at the morgue, he knew the other man had to be
here.  Yet...he wasn't.  At least, he wasn't visible.

That Nightcrawler guy, LaCroix, was sitting at the bar.  Although he
was sure the man would know where Nick was, he wasn't about to ask. 
He considered the bartender or one of the waitresses, but decided to
try for a lower profile move.

Lightly catching the arm of a young woman as she passed by him, he
asked if she knew where Nick was.  In response, he was directed
toward a door across the room with the simple warning, 'but it's off-
limits' and that he should wait.

He did just that...for about a minute.  Then, he headed resolutely
for the door.  Preparing to knock, he changed his mind and swiftly
pushed the door open, stepped in, and let the door half-slam behind
him.

Merely a couple of feet away were his partner and a woman, and at
his arrival, Nick had turned to him.  His partner's eyes were gold,
gleaming white fangs snarling at him with just a few drops of what
appeared to be blood on them.  Glancing to the woman, he noticed two
marks--not much more than scratches by the looks of it--on her neck. 
The woman's blue eyes stared silently at him, more startled than
anything.

Nick was, indeed a vampire.  Not only that, but Nick was...well, he
wasn't quite sure what was going on, but the first thing that came to
mind was that he was about to kill the woman.  Schanke's anger
flared, and he watched his partner's eyes turned to normal, an
inhuman glint remaining in them, staring at him.

Seeing Schanke standing there, Nick didn't immediately react.  When
the woman moved, he turned his attention to her.  She looked up at
him, and then toward Schanke, preparing to speak.  Roughly, he turned
her to look at him.  "Leave, and speak of this to no one."

Schanke watched as the woman almost imperceptibly nodded, then
calmly and quietly left the room.  Had Nick just hypnotized her?  Or,
more troubling to him, had Nick nearly killed that woman?  Would she
have become a victim, a very dead victim, if he hadn't come in this
room?  Did Nick, as a vampire, embody everything he'd read, ideas he
could barely digest?  "What the hell's going on, Knight?!  Who was
that and what were you doing?"

Nick simply stared at the other man, holding the angry and confused
glare.  "Nothing to concern you with, Schanke."

When Nick turned, the detective felt his anger reach a peak. 
Schanke took the other's arm, sharply pulling so that they were once
again facing one another.  "I deserve to know, Nick.  You're my
partner.  I think I should know what I'm working with."

At the last sentence, the vampire shoved the other into the wall,
one hand pinning Schanke by the throat.  The pressure was just enough
to restrict the airflow and prevent speech.  Half snarling, his fangs
clearly visible, he stated, "This is what I am.  What I have been. 
That's all there is."  Loosening his grip, Nick took several steps
away before spinning on his heel.  "Now, leave me alone," he hissed,
increasing the other's fear.

Not daring to move, Schanke's emotions were mixed.  He had probably
been too forward with wanting an answer...but he hadn't expected Nick
to react like he had, either.  Standing there, he was honestly afraid
of his partner.  Simultaneously, he was angry enough that if it
weren't for his reason and his fear, he'd be more forceful.  His
throat throbbed a little, reminding him that his partner could kill
him--and easily.  "Nick, I know what you are, and I want an
explanation."

"Get out," the vampire harshly stated, his eyes flashing scarlet. 
"Now."

Swallowing, Schanke was aware that it would be suicide, literally,
if he continued this now.  Although he desperately wanted answers,
the faint pain at his throat was his biggest clue that he should get
out while he could.  Now was not the best time to press this. 
Carefully, and as calmly as he could manage, he exited the room,
heading for his car and returning to his thoughts.

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

LaCroix entered the room seconds after the detective left, smiling. 
"I think that went quite well, really.  He does have questions,
though, and they will have to be dealt with."  His son simply stared
at him.  "I could...deal with it for you, if you like?  It wouldn't
be any trouble...."

"I'll take care of it, LaCroix.  Later.  He'll be fine for a little
while."

"Hmm...quite.  What about the woman?  I know she's young...but she
seems to have quite a bit of life in her...."

LaCroix' change of subject bothered him.  It frustrated him to be
reminded of what he almost had.  "We didn't get that far, LaCroix.  I
only got a few drops of her blood, but I want more."

"That's very good, Nicholas.  I'm sure she'll still be willing
tomorrow night.  Relax...find another diversion...the night is still
young."

He watched as the elder vampire left with a soft chuckle.  Although
he wanted to do what LaCroix suggested, his thoughts told him
otherwise.  Slowly, his eyes mellowed, eventually returning to a
cloudy blue.

Schanke's interruption had...been quite a surprise.  Even though it
was apparent his partner wasn't going to take it well, he wasn't sure
he really cared.  Thoughts of quitting work and perhaps even leaving
Toronto danced in his mind, nothing certain.

Right now, only LaCroix seemed to understand.  After tonight, he
didn't really want to confront Schanke, and he and Natalie had been
at odds since their argument.  He just wanted to be left alone. 
Sitting in a chair, he closed his eyes and leaned back, listening to
the near silence of the room.


Shades of Grey - (08/21)

Slowly making his way into the morgue, Schanke waited while Natalie
finished what she was doing.  When she paused, glancing to him, he
asked, "Uh, Natalie, do you have a minute?"

"I'm kind of in the middle of something.  Can it wait?"

Looking over at the table, it was obvious she was in the middle of
an autopsy.  He hesitated, then shook his head, telling her, "No, it
can't.  It's about Nick."

At that, she halted her tasks.  Nick wasn't something she really
wanted to think about right now, but she didn't have much choice. 
"What about him?" she casually asked.

"I really don't know how to put this, but I know you know more about
him than most.  Nick is, or at least I'm ninety-nine-point-nine
percent sure he is..." he trailed off.  He stood still not doing
anything for a moment.  Then, he spilled it, "Nick's a vampire."

"Schanke, vampires don't exist.  There has to be some-"

"Rational explanation.  Yeah, I know.  Right now, the only thing
reason is pointing at is that he's a vampire."  Watching her prepare
to protest, he continued.  "Just hear me out, Nat.  I've been driving
around for the past hour trying to get things straight."  Taking in a
deep breath, he paused and watched as Natalie waited for him to
continue.

Then, focusing his thoughts, he explained, "I've been seeing the
signs ever since we were made partners.  When Nick took out that
gunman a couple of months ago, he flew to do it.  I had put it
together then, but I let my reason convince me that I was wrong, that
what I'd seen was a hallucination.  And then, ever since Matt's
death, he's been acting really strange....  Now, tonight, he did it
again.  He flew and pushed Withers out of the line of fire.  Getting
back to the precinct, Nick disappeared and Cohen sent me after him. 
I found him at the Raven.  He was with this woman, and when he
turned, his eyes and teeth....  He had gold eyes and these
fangs...and there was blood.  I swear, if I hadn't gotten there when
I did, he would have killed her."

Not wanting to believe what Schanke was saying, she asked, "Are you
sure your eyes weren't playing tricks on you?  That club is awfully
dark, and-"

"I saw what I saw, Nat.  Then, when I confronted him, he turned on
me, half choking me."  He rubbed his neck, the muscles sore and
somewhat bruised.  "It still hurts.  But...Nat, you should have seen
him.  I mean...he's not human."  When Natalie remained silent, his
eyes widened as if something hit him.  "You know what he is, don't
you?  You've known and haven't done anything about it?  He's a
vampire, a killer."

"He *was* a killer, Schanke, but he isn’t anymore."

"Nat, I think he was going to kill that woman.  I mean, that's what
it looked like.  He'd already cut her skin with his fangs.  Then,
when I came in, he sent her quietly on her way as if it were nothing.
I know he's my partner, but...I don't know, Nat.  I'm afraid of what
he is, and I'm afraid to leave my life in his hands.  He's saved me
more than once, and he saved Withers, but why didn't he save Matt?"

He paused, taking in a deep breath.  Then he continued, "You know, I
went over to Matt's to talk to his wife, Sandy.  I got to see his
daughter--she's a beautiful little girl.  She's only three, but she
knew her daddy wasn't coming home...I could see it, see the life
literally drained from her.  Nick probably had more than enough time
to act and save Matt, and he just let it happen.  How do I know it
won't again?  That the next time, it won't be me lying on the ground,
with Myra and Jenny as the mourners?"

"Schanke, Nick wouldn't-"

"Wouldn't what?  If you know what he is, if you've seen him like
that....  Can you be completely certain he's not a killer?  Tell me,
can you?"

She clenched her jaw.  Schanke's words were hitting her harder than
she wanted them to.  About to say that she trusted Nick, she stopped,
realizing that after their last conversation her trust in him had
faded somewhat.  "I don't know, Schanke," she said, shaking her head.
"I'm not sure anymore, but I will talk to him later this morning. 
It's something I meant to do earlier.  I'm not going to give up on
him, not until there's no hope."

"I'm going with you."

"Schanke, I think I can handle this."

"No, I'm going.  You might still have trust in him, but I'm not as
sure anymore.  He has the capacity to hurt people...and it just seems
like he's almost out of control.  Besides, I want to hear his answer
as well."

Schanke's statement struck her, and although she knew Nick wouldn't,
she nodded.  Perhaps, at least, with both of them there, Nick would
be easier to deal with.  Or, she hoped he would, anyway.

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

"Please, just leave," Nick repeated from his chair as Schanke and
Natalie came closer.  They'd come in a few minutes ago, and had made
no move to leave or any comments since his first attempt.

"I'm not leaving, Nick."  Reaching for the bottle on the table,
Natalie had it snatched from her just before touching it.  "Don't do
this, not after all of the progress you've made."

"Progress?  What progress?  All we've done is bring me closer to
death."

"Closer to mortality," she argued.

"It's the same thing, isn’t it?" he countered, taking a drink from
the bottle.  "Mortals are weak, and I do not want to be weak.  After
all this time, I've finally realized that LaCroix' right.  I am what
I am, and there's nothing I can, or should do, to change it."

Natalie tensed at the calmness of his tone.  It was as if he'd made
up his mind and that was it.  At the same time, he seemed somewhat on
edge, just hidden by his relaxed exterior.  "Nick, Matt's death
wasn't your fault."

At that, Schanke just about blew up.  "He was right there, Nat.  All
he had to do was one of his little tricks and Matt would have lived."
Then, coming to stand in front of Nick, he continued, "But you
weren't in the mood to save him, were you?  You can pick and choose
who lives and dies, and I'm not sure if I like my position in all of
that."

"Schanke..." she warned, knowing this wasn't going to go over well.

"Nat, I'm just saying how it is."  Focusing on his partner, Schanke
stated, "I don't know if I should keep being your partner.  Who knows
when I might get in another life and death situation thinking you'll
back me up but you don't.  I don't want Myra and Jenny to lose me,
and I won't allow that opportunity to come up.  Tomorrow night, I'm
going to request a transfer from Cohen."

Holding his anger in, Nick stood.  "Don't even bother, I'll just
quit and make it easier for you."  With that, he pushed passed
Natalie, heading for the kitchen.  When she moved in front of him,
blocking his way, he hissed, "Move!  Just get out and let me be."

As he prepared to slide by her again, she stopped him with her arm,
which she quickly found a tight grip around.  Refusing to back off,
she said, "How dare you just brush all of this off.  How dare you
throw the last five years away.  Our work, your job....  Nick, you
were doing good, you were-"

"....starving myself.  Killing myself.  I'm not going to do that any
longer."

She felt the grip on her wrist loosen, and as he walked away, she
again stopped him with her hand.  "What, are you going to start
hunting and killing again?  Nick, is that what you really want?  To
become what you detest?"

He grabbed Natalie, pulling her against him and holding her head back.

Seeing this, Schanke started to approach.  "Let go of her, Nick.  If
you hurt her, I swear I'll...."

"Do what?"  Nick let his eyes glow and his fangs descend.  "If you
know what I am, you also know that I could kill her before you took
another step!"

"Please, Schanke, just stay back.  He won't hurt me."

Hesitantly, the mortal detective did as he was told, but kept a
close watch.  The man, the vampire before him, wasn't Nick, wasn't
his partner.  In every movement, every glance, he saw a killer.  He
didn't like what he saw.

As the room's silence created tension, Nick pulled Natalie closer
and asked, "Are you so sure I won't, Natalie?"

"You don't want to hurt anyone, I know that."

He leaned closer, letting his lips brush against her ear, fighting
the urge to let his fangs break the delicate skin.  The blood was
taunting him, and he needed more of it.  But, he couldn't get more
until they left.  "What I want is to do what I want to do...not what
everyone else tells me.  I want to be left alone."  Releasing his
hold and pushing her slightly toward the door, he hissed, "Get out." 
Then, he turned, grabbed a bottle of blood from the fridge, and
started for the stairs, not waiting for them to leave.

Natalie turned to Schanke, and then, without a word, started for the
elevator.  Together, they rode down and left, neither wanting to say
anything about what had just happened.

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

After changing and getting ready for bed, Nick half rolled and half
tossed himself onto his bed, and then just lay there.  He was tired
and his mind was filled with far too many different thoughts.

Closing his eyes, he pushed everything that was currently going on
away, leaving only the past.  And, no matter what long ago memory
came to the surface, almost every one of them contained LaCroix.

Ironically, here in the present, LaCroix was the only one that
wasn't trying to make him do something he didn't want to do.  He
laughed slightly.  In the past, it had always been the other way
around.  He wanted to do something and wasn't able to because it
didn't fit LaCroix' mold.  Now, he just wasn't fitting everyone
else's views of who he should be.

Remembering what happened two days ago at the Raven, he smiled. 
Things had happened so quickly, and honestly, he had wanted them to. 
He enjoyed the day spent with the elder vampire and the closeness
they shared.  It had been over a century since they had been anywhere
near this close...since before LaCroix' little prank that had
backfired.

Now, they were once again growing closer, and he didn't mind it. 
Whether LaCroix' kindness to him was merely because he was finally
coming to his senses or if it was part of another game, he didn't
care.  He needed someone that wasn't pushing him in any particular
direction, and at the moment, that person was LaCroix.

Where Janette was, he wasn't sure, but he needed more than just the
blood and hint of intimacy they would share.  He was somewhat glad
she was apparently out of town, as he wouldn't have to listen to her
suggestions.  It was one less person to argue with.  Yet, he needed
to truly feel as if he was being wanted...needed.  In LaCroix' blood,
he had tasted that, and he had to have more of it.  And, as soon as
the opportunity arose, he would have more of it again.

Earlier, Schanke's words had hurt.  He didn't want anyone to die,
and certainly not Natalie or Schanke.  Despite deciding that being a
vampire had its advantages, he didn't want to hunt...and most
importantly, he didn't want to kill.

Perhaps the next night would be different.  The last several nights--
the last one, especially--he knew he hadn't exactly been easy to deal
with.  He wouldn't be surprised if Schanke did put in a transfer.  If
he did, it didn't matter to him--he could just quit and make it
easier for everyone.  It didn't matter to him what the mortals did or
thought of him.

Trying to fall asleep, he just became more and more awake.  The
truth was, it did matter to him.  It mattered that he could see the
fear and anger...even hints of pain in Natalie and Schanke.  But...he
was what he was, and vampires and mortals didn't mix well.  Hadn't
LaCroix told him that at some point?  Whatever the case, he would
have to do what he wanted--to help others in some way--and if it was
without them, then so be it.

He could quit his job and move on.  He could spend time with LaCroix
and try to rebuild their friendship and whatever else that may
accompany it.

As he thought, leaving was sounding more appealing by the second. 
Yet, did he really want to go?  He didn't really know, but if he did,
he would have to do so carefully and make sure he didn't leave things
hanging.

If he left, he didn't know what he would tell Natalie, if anything. 
Perhaps simply leaving would be best, even though in his heart, he
didn't want to.

Leaving his thoughts to that, he again tried to drift off, and this
time, he succeeded after a few conquests over his thoughts.


Shades of Grey - (09/21)

Arriving at the precinct at his usual time, Nick found that Schanke
was already there.  In fact, the other man was just now coming out of
Cohen's office.  As Schanke sat down at his desk, frustrated, the
Captain called him over into her office and told him to sit.

Closing the door, Cohen immediately asked, "What is going on with
you and your partner?  I just got a request for a transfer from
Schanke."

Nick met her eyes for a moment, and then pulled out his resignation,
badge, and gun.  "Don't bother with the transfer, I'm resigning."

She held her position, staring at Knight as he put the items on her
desk and stood.  "I'm not accepting it, Knight.  Either explain to me
what's going on, or get back to work."

Silently, he waited for her to continue.  Then, he prepared to leave.

"You walk out of this office, and I'll consider you AWOL."  She
watched her detective halt and turn to her.  "I'm not putting
Schanke's transfer through, either.  Take your weapon and badge back,
and get to work.  Whatever the problem is, you will work it out."

Making no move to do as she asked, he locked onto her heartbeat,
stating, "*You are going to think about it, and you're going to let
me go home.*"

For a moment, she remained silent.  Then, shaking away her thoughts,
she told him, "You are going to go to your desk and get to work.  I
want you and Schanke to deal with whatever is going on, and I want
you both on task."

Nick suppressed his anger as well as he could.  Cohen's mind was
already made up on this, and there was nothing he could do to change
it.  Snatching up his badge and gun, he left the office, not
bothering with retrieving his letter of resignation.

Reaching his desk, he allowed his gaze to meet his partner's before
heavily sitting down.

Schanke watched the vampire carefully.  Recalling the last time Nick
left Cohen's office, the Captain's mind somehow radically changing;
he remembered that vampires had the ability to hypnotize humans. 
"Well, as I'm sure you know after trying to convince Cohen otherwise,
she's made up her mind for good this time."  He laughed slightly, and
leaned closer, lowering his voice to a whisper.  "I bet you don't get
frustrated much, Knight...or whatever your name is.  Must be a real
pain, isn't it?  To have to deal with this like a human being."

Glaring at the mortal, Nick reminded himself that Schanke didn't
really know him...and by the sound of it that morning, hadn't
previously been aware of what he and Natalie had been working toward.
Ignoring Schanke, Nick grabbed some papers, trying to focus on work. 
But, remembering Natalie, he paused.

He'd been harsh to her since all of this manifested.  True, her
words had at times hurt him just as much if not more than his, but
she was mortal.  Unlike him, she didn't have the option to just
forget about it all and move on to another life.  She had to take
everything as it came.

As a stack of papers was dropped in front of him, Nick jumped,
coming out of his thoughts.

"If we have to work together, you can use some of that zoning out
time to help with the paperwork.  I'm not letting you get away with
just sitting there, watching us mortals struggle along."  Standing,
Schanke told him, "I'm going to get something to eat...I'd offer to
get you something, maybe swing by the blood bank, but you'd probably
rather get it straight from the source yourself."

As his partner left him at the desk, Nick winced.  So much for
hoping Schanke would react better given time to think.  He'd been too
close to the edge the night before...too close to losing control. 
He'd physically hurt both Schanke and Natalie.  It wasn't anything
permanent, but he knew he'd hurt them.  Not only that, but he'd also
made them both doubt.  He'd shown both of them what he was and what
he, as a vampire, could do.  Pulling out his badge, he fingered the
leather.  He'd made them doubt, triggering thoughts that had been
present for some time, which in turn made him doubt.  If he just
left, things would be so much easier.

Yet, he knew that to leave he'd have to make preparations.  As it
was, it would take him a couple of days, at least, to get everything
ready.  For now, he would just hope things would settle down.  He
knew Natalie would, eventually accept his decision, but...Schanke was
a different matter.  He was more unpredictable.

He pulled the first file off the stack and started to work on it. 
The one good thing about the paperwork was that he could do this and
not have to think about everything going on around him for the night.
When the end of his shift came, that would be a different matter, but
he'd deal with it when it arrived.

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

Turning the Caddy's ignition off, Nick just sat, relaxing.  The
night had been, in one word, awful.  So had the last several, for
that matter.  Ever since Schanke had seen him, the other just kept on
pushing him.

Schanke hadn't stopped his little reminders over the course of the
last few nights.  Some of them were simple, mentioning what he
was...but others hit too close.  If anything, he would say the
tension between them had increased.

He dreaded going inside.  Would either Natalie or Schanke drop by
today?  Unless he changed the alarm code, his partner would have no
trouble getting in.  And Natalie...well, she had a key to the stairs,
so changing the alarm code wouldn't help much on that.

Sunrise would be in another ten minutes, but he just continued to
sit.  He really didn't want to argue with anyone today.  He just
wanted peace.  If he and Natalie weren't at such odds, he would
possibly suggest she come over to watch a movie...but that wouldn't
work out right now.

As dawn approached, he got out of the car and took to the sky.  With
less than a minute left, he put his hand on the door to the Raven. 
Hesitating, he closed his eyes and entered, hoping this wasn't the
wrong thing.

Inside, he found the main part of the club deserted.  Heading for
the apartment, he knew LaCroix would be there; he could feel the
elder vampire's presence.

Reaching the main entrance, he stopped.  Then, he resolutely turned
the knob, opening the door.  Stepping in, he went to the kitchen,
where he found LaCroix pouring two glasses of blood.  It was somewhat
of a surprise, but only a small one.  LaCroix would have known of his
decision to come here before his feet left the ground at the loft.

With a partial smile, LaCroix handed one of the glasses to his son. 
"Drink...relax.  You've had a long night."

He met his sire's gaze for a few seconds, and then nodded slightly. 
The last several nights had been hard...and they had seemed much
longer than usual.  Taking the glass, he was pleased that LaCroix
hadn't chided him about his foolishness of working among the mortals.
He had come here for peace, and that's what he was going to have.

Sipping the blood, he relaxed a little and leaned against the wall. 
LaCroix watched him, the action somewhere between annoying and
comforting.  Although he wasn't used to being around the other this
much, he easily slipped into past routines.  It wasn't difficult. 
Finishing the glass, he approached, holding it out and letting
LaCroix fill it full--all as if it were one fluid action.

This time, Nick turned and headed into the other room, sitting on
the couch and taking a small sip of the blood.  The blood both calmed
and excited him.

"Something is on your mind, Nicholas.  Something is troubling you."

He looked up to where the elder vampire stood, almost hovering over
him.  "Just leave it be."

"It's your mortal friends, isn't it?  Your partner, in particular?" 
His son didn't comment.  "I suggest that you take a break from them."

Calmly draining his glass, Nick stood and started for the kitchen. 
When LaCroix stopped him, he glared into the other's eyes, his gold
meeting pale blue.

"Nicholas, you need-"  The younger snarled at him, and in an
instant, he was pinned against the wall.  He softly smiled.  "That's
good, Nicholas.  Let out your frustration.  Let out your anger. 
Those pathetic mortals don't know what they're dealing with.  They
don't know how lucky they are that you can hold back your emotions. 
What you need is to let it out."

With LaCroix still held tightly in place, Nick tried to calm
himself.  He wanted to let it out.  He wanted more between him and
LaCroix...but he couldn't.  The blood, yes, but not the rest.  He
wasn't quite ready for any advances from LaCroix.  Soon, but not yet.

Releasing the elder vampire, Nick changed directions, heading down
the hall.  With LaCroix' eyes on him, he slipped into the first room
he saw--the spare room.  It was, more or less, his room, as he was
the only one that ever stayed the day.  Earlier that year, when
LaCroix had just returned to Toronto, it had been his room.  Janette
was presently out of town, and LaCroix had apparently taken over her
room for the duration.

He was tired and needed silence.  Once he had somewhat calmed, he
decided to try to get some sleep, even if he knew it would come
slowly--if at all.

Stripping down to his boxers, he slipped into the bed and wrapped
the covers around him.  The warmth helped his muscles relax, but his
mind still wanted an outlet.  Lying there, he stared at the ceiling,
consciously keeping his breathing slow and preventing his muscles
from tightening too much.

Slowly, he felt himself somewhat drifting off, but not completely. 
His thoughts on the present were bringing up haunting memories from
the past--ones he'd rather not remember again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[France: 1230]

Smiling over at the elder vampire, he wondered what else they would
do while his sister was away.  So far, LaCroix had taken him hunting
each night, and they had each delighted in the hunt and their game. 
It was wonderful, and he hoped tonight would be the same.

He grabbed his cloak, only for LaCroix to pull it gently off his
shoulders.  "Are we not going to go hunting tonight?"

"Perhaps, but later.  It is time for a lesson."

His curiosity piqued at that.  "What kind of a lesson?"

LaCroix approached after putting the cloak down, stopping behind
Nicholas.  "You have yet to shed your mortal beliefs.  They are
nothing to you and they must go."

Now, he was confused.  He had done all that LaCroix had asked of
him.  Some things he had done hesitantly, but he had done them.  He
had killed and hunted...some of those times he never wanted to
remember doing.  He was, as far as his mortal beliefs were concerned,
damned for his thoughts and actions.  "But...I have.  I hunt with you
and Janette, I-"

A touch of anger surfaced.  "You do not embrace all that we are. 
Vampires are bound by different morals...we have an open slate from
which to act."  He touched the other on the side of the neck, at
which Nicholas tensed but didn't pull away.  "You must shed your
inhibitions.  As a vampire, gender is blurred.  We may be the
companion of whom we wish without boundaries."

Moving away, he looked at the other.  He had an idea of where the
other was going, and he hoped he was wrong.  "What are you suggesting?"

"You know what, Nicholas.  I can feel your thoughts.  They must go. 
Only then will you be able to fully enjoy what you are."

As LaCroix approached with a straight face, he backed away, shaking
his head.  He couldn't do this, not now.  With time, perhaps...but
not now, not like this.  "Please, don't do this, LaCroix.  Please
don't...."

Flying the remainder of the distance between them, LaCroix caught
the younger as he tried to flee.  Even while his son struggled, he
held the other tightly against him.  "You must learn, Nicholas.  The
more you struggle, the worse it will be.  If you relax, this will be
quite pleasurable, I assure.  The choice is entirely up to you."

He only shook his head harder, wanting nothing to do with this
'lesson.'  Using all of his strength, he couldn't even budge within
the grip.  A moment later, he felt his clothes being literally ripped
off him, the sound of shredding fabric painful to his ears.

He screamed as LaCroix pushed him toward the wall, now not a scrap
of fabric on him.  He knew for a fact that no one heard him, or, if
by chance someone had, they wouldn't be able to do anything.  The
wall was cold against his skin, his muscles tensing, freezing in
place.  Over and over he kept telling himself that LaCroix would
stop, that the other wouldn't do this to him.

Then, a few moments later, he felt strong arms pulling him back, his
bare skin contacting the other's.  His fangs descended out of fear,
sinking into the elder vampire's arm and ripping the flesh.  As he
was held tighter, he knew the action had been a mistake.

Putting his lips to the younger's ear, LaCroix told him, "I do not
wish to hurt you, but you must shed this."  His son fought against
him, once more frantically attempting to free himself.  "If you
continue like this, it will be painful.  Relax, and you may enjoy it."

The words weren't helping.  In fact, he barely heard them.  He
wanted away, and that was his sole coherent thought.  Trying to slip
loose, he went to the ground and rolled into a ball...but, although
it succeeded momentarily, it only delayed what was to come.  He felt
LaCroix' anger grow more at his actions.  Being pulled upward, and
then pinned to the wall, he screamed again.

The next thing he knew was pain as LaCroix invaded him, tearing the
delicate tissue of his anus.  As the elder vampire continued,
forcefully thrusting into him, he felt hot blood tears trail down his
cheeks.  Helpless to the other, he had no choice but to endure this
torture, this punishment for doing no crime.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nick abruptly sat up, trying to push the thoughts away.  This was
all he needed right now...memories of that first time with LaCroix. 
With his sire's present advances, he really didn't want to think
about what LaCroix had done to him all those years ago.  True, things
had been resolved, but he had believed that memory long killed and
buried.

Taking several deep breaths, he leaned back onto his pillow, trying
to focus on the present.  Now, his thoughts were once again returning
to Schanke, and he again stared at the ceiling, much as he had only
minutes before.  He needed rest...he needed sleep.  Already, he knew
that any sleep would be fitful at best.  But, he had to try.


Shades of Grey - (10/21)

He wasn't sure how much time passed.  It could have been an hour, or
two...or even five and he wouldn't have been able to tell the
difference.  Reaching for the table where he placed his watch, Nick
caught the time--it was nearly two in the afternoon.

Still, he'd gotten no rest.  At this rate, he'd still be awake by
the time his shift started.  By then, he'd be useless with all of the
thoughts running around in his head.

Snapping his head toward the door as LaCroix opened it, his eyes
flashed gold.  At the moment, he wasn't sure if he wanted the other
to come nearer or leave.  Having a pretty good idea what would happen
if it were the first of those two, he slowly sat up.  "Please leave,
LaCroix.  I'm not ready for anything more.  Not yet...please."

LaCroix approached and sat on the edge of the bed.  His eyes met the
amber eyes of his son, which were slowly changing to crimson,
watching as Nicholas' breathing quickened.

He was pleased to see Nicholas like this, his desires so very close
to the surface.  With one hand, he reached forward and cradled the
side of his son's face.  As Nicholas leaned into the touch, he
carefully examined the other.

The sheets lay folded in his son's lap, the muscles of the younger
vampire's chest and arms slowly loosening.  Nicholas' neck was so
inviting as it was bared...almost as if it were there just for him. 
He moved closer, his eyes wandering over the bare skin.  His son's
breathing, although still slow and calm, was deepening.

Leaning closer, he tried to kiss the younger--and failed.  As
Nicholas attempted to pull away, LaCroix held him tightly in place. 
"You must let what you are feeling out, Nicholas."

When LaCroix again moved to kiss him, Nick tensed but allowed the
action.  As the other pushed his way into his mouth, then, and only
then, did he begin to relax.

Nick fell back, and LaCroix easily pinned him to the bed, not
ceasing the kiss.  His fangs descended so far at the teasing they
practically hurt.  With the way he felt, all he could do was lay
there and let LaCroix do what he wanted.  In truth, it wasn't that
bad...except for the fact that he knew his sire would be disappointed
later.

Roughly struggling from the grip, Nick shoved LaCroix off him,
nearly sending the elder vampire to the floor.  Now, as both their
eyes had changed, he could almost see a hint of anger underneath
LaCroix' exterior.  "I can't, LaCroix.  I can't do this...it's too
soon.  Please, just go."

Straightening, LaCroix stiffened.  He watched as his son rolled onto
his side, turning away from him.  The younger's need for release
flowed across their bond.  Aware of the reason of Nicholas' refusal,
he decided he wouldn't let this end here--for either of them.

He stood, noticing the muscles in Nicholas' back tighten further. 
His son would never be able to relax in the state he was in.  Slowly
but purposely, he undressed, his pajamas being haphazardly tossed on
the floor.  Nearing the side of the bed, he hesitated as the younger
tensed, curled up into a tighter ball, and held the sheets even
tighter than before.

Halting his approach, he sensed Nicholas' fear--primarily the fear
of being raped.  He knew that if he did force this, his son would
react.  It would, very probably, end up being the end of their
closeness.  Despite this, Nicholas needed release, and he had an idea.

Reaching forward, he pulled Nicholas closer, rolling him onto his
back.  His son's eyes, presently a grey-blue, stared back at him. 
Nicholas was afraid of him right now, something he'd rather not have.
Carefully, he removed the younger vampire's boxers, increasing the
fear he felt.  Now, they were both completely naked, but they merely
stared into one another's eyes.

Slowly closing the distance between them, LaCroix did what he could
to block out the snarl and the growl that was beginning in Nicholas'
chest.  Just above the source of the noise, he placed a kiss on the
taut skin, and then another and another, working his way first over
to a nipple, and then toward his son's neck.  Stopping upon reaching
Nicholas' collarbone, he repeated his actions on the other side.

By the time he finished that, his son had visibly relaxed, although
it was obvious he was still uncomfortable.  Cautiously, he continued
upward, stopping upon reaching the bottom of the younger's ear. 
Nicholas' breathing had sped up, and it now came in short, shallow
breaths.

Approaching ever closer, he brushed his lips against Nicholas', and
then gently slipped his tongue into the other's mouth.  Ever so
gradually, his son responded to his actions.  First, their tongues
mingled--not fighting like they were at first.  He felt his son's
hands on his arms, and then, a moment later, wrapping around his
back, pulling him closer.

Teasing Nicholas' fangs, he soon found himself on his back, Nicholas
pinning him down.  When the younger pulled away and got off the bed,
he looked up.  The face that stared back at him was somewhere between
angry and...something.  Nicholas' muscles were again stiffening, and
his attempts to get them to relax weren't working.

Looking down on LaCroix with a glare, Nick stated, "I can't do this,
LaCroix, not now.  I told you that before."

As his son released him and prepared to leave, he grabbed the
other's arms, telling him, "Do what you want, Nicholas.  Anything.  I
can tell you want release.  It is yours to take."

He paused, the meaning of LaCroix' words not escaping him.  Yet, he
couldn't believe the other would allow this; not after all this time.
"LaCroix...."

"Nicholas, you may do as you wish.  Just as you have given me
permission in the past, I give you my permission now."

He was at a loss for what to say.  Never had LaCroix even considered
allowing him this in the past.  Never.  Nor had there been any hints
in LaCroix' blood about the possibility of this.  He let his eyes
mellow until they were nearly blue.  Backing away, he crossed the
room, trying to make sense of this.

Closing his eyes, he felt LaCroix' approach.

"I can feel your needs, Nicholas.  Act on them.  Do what you
want...do as *you* desire," he urged, stopping and gently resting a
hand on Nicholas' shoulder.  His son stiffened at the touch, but
otherwise remained still.  Through their bond, he was aware that
Nicholas wanted this, even if he didn't understand why he was
offering.  "I know your thoughts, act on them.  Let what you are come
to the surface and do as you please."

He tried to ignore LaCroix' words, but it was impossible.  The elder
vampire was only telling him to do what he wanted.  Yet, he more than
wanted this--he needed it.  Blood on its own only dulled his hunger,
yet this, he knew, would satiate it.  Above all, he knew he really
did want this...he wanted to be with LaCroix even if he wasn't ready
for what the elder vampire wished.

While keeping his eyes closed, he let his eyes change and fangs
descend once again.  Turning, his gaze immediately met with the elder
vampire's, and he watched a grin find its way onto LaCroix' face. 
Before his sire had the opportunity to react, Nick pulled and then
half-shoved him toward the wall.

LaCroix barely had enough time to raise his hands and stop himself
from before being hurled into the surface.  He again heard a faint
rumble coming from Nicholas' chest.  The sound soothed him...somewhat
calming and relaxing him for what was to come.

Surprisingly light kisses were trailed down LaCroix' back, an
occasional nip interrupting the otherwise gentle actions.  He leaned
his head to the side as Nicholas' attention reached his neck.  The
younger vampire's fangs teased him, making him momentarily forget
about what he was going to allow.

Nicholas' erection pressed slightly into him as his son continued to
nip and half torment him with the faint sensations.  "Nicholas,
please...."

Needing no further coaxing, Nick held LaCroix harder against the
wall.  Standing behind the elder vampire, he hesitated--not because
he didn't want this, but because he wasn't sure the other did.

"Nicholas!"

That plead was all that was needed.  Even before his name was fully
pronounced, Nick pushed himself into LaCroix, eliciting a gasp from
the other's lips.  At first, he wasn't sure if the reaction was good
or bad.  Feeling faint reassurances from the elder vampire, he slowly
slid deeper, and the elder momentarily tensed.  Not slowing his pace,
he took LaCroix not much differently than some of their past
encounters had proceeded.

After he had established a rhythm, he felt LaCroix relax and
literally open up to him.  On each thrust, he pulled the other
against him harder and harder, trying to impel LaCroix as far as
possible.  Having the elder vampire before him like this was, he had
to admit, quite satisfying.  And, if what he was getting across their
bond was any indication, LaCroix was enjoying this just as much, if
not more than himself.

Driving himself particularly hard into LaCroix, Nick held his
position, feeling the other squirm in his grasp.  Nipping the skin on
his sire's upper back, he slowly licked away the droplets of blood,
sending a shiver through both of them.

Nick watched the other lean heavily against the wall, and then, he
abruptly continued where he left off, surprising LaCroix slightly. 
He smiled to himself, realizing he was enjoying this as far more than
just a release.  He, truthfully, took pleasure in being here with
LaCroix.

Time turned slowly by, and he relished every second of their time
together.  Feeling LaCroix spasm, he gave the other his wrist.  As
fangs ripped into his veins he closed his eyes, holding his sire back
and against him.  Even as his blood was drained, he felt nothing but
pleasure.

His sire released his wrist, and after a short pause, Nick thrust a
few more times into the elder vampire and reached his own climax.  He
bit hard into the bared neck before him, nearly ripping it off in an
attempt to get better access.

The blood that flowed into him tasted almost warm...its texture
richer than even the other times they'd recently shared blood.  He
drank until he was filled to the brim, at which he finally pulled
away and out of LaCroix.

Abruptly, he felt tired...exhausted.  Before Nick could think about
anything else, however, he found LaCroix pulling him against him,
their tongues exploring each other's mouths, tasting the mixture of
their blood.

As they kissed, they slowly made their way to the bed, easily
slipping into it while continuing.  LaCroix rolled over him, and upon
ending the kiss, they shared blood each tasting the other and
themselves flowing into them.

Relaxing further with more of LaCroix' blood, Nick felt himself
begin to drift off.  Finally, after being awake for about twenty-four
hours, he was going to be able to sleep.

His arguments with Schanke and Natalie were pushed to the far corner
of his mind, and all that was important were himself and LaCroix.  He
smiled, pulling the elder vampire closer, initiating yet another kiss
before he fell asleep, not wanting to ever have to get up again.


Shades of Grey - (11/21)

The air swept through his hair, invigorating his exposed skin. 
Flying toward the precinct, Nick looked back at the last hour or so. 
He'd woken up...about the time he would normally be leaving for work.

Aware he still had time to get there, he'd taken a quick shower and
dressed...but LaCroix had caught him while getting his breakfast. 
They had talked--mostly about inconsequential matters--and the next
time he looked at the clock, it was twenty-five minutes after the
beginning of his shift.

He'd left almost immediately, not even considering getting the
Caddy.  He really didn't want to argue tonight, and who would drive
would just be one of those arguments.  Since he didn't have a car,
that conversation would be short if it even existed.

Landing about a block from the precinct, he straightened his clothes
as much as he could.  They were the same ones he'd worn the night
before except for the shirt, and as such, he was in all black.  He'd
borrowed one from LaCroix hoping that it would make it less obvious
that he hadn't changed.  The shirt was a little big, but that was
barely noticeable as long as he kept his jacket on.

Heading toward the building, he slowed upon reaching the doors. 
What would Schanke be like tonight?  And, how long could he handle
this before he or LaCroix had to do something about it?

He easily crossed through the bullpen, slipping into his chair for
the most part unnoticed.  Whether Cohen saw him or not, he didn't
know, nor did he really care.  He wasn't late often, so he wasn't too
concerned...even if it was the second time he had been of recent.

Schanke glanced up at the movement across from him.  There Nick was,
looking much like he had the night before...at least, to a point. 
His partner's cheeks were slightly rosy; not the pale shade they
usually were.  He swallowed, only able to think of a few things to
account for that, and considering just what his partner was, that
ruled at least one of them out.

Fully aware of the other man's scrutiny, Nick asked, "What?"

"Nothing.  We have a couple of leads to follow up on for our last
couple of cases, and however much I would love to do this alone,
Cohen isn't going to let us get away with it."

Nick nodded faintly, standing and waiting for the other to do the
same.  At least Schanke's tone was civil so far.  It was almost
normal...but only almost.  If they had to do this together, then they
would.  He could deal with it...at least he thought he could.

Staring at his partner, Schanke couldn't believe how relaxed the
vampire was.  He was just taking everything like it was nothing--
which it very well might be to him.  Stiffening, he started for the
exit, Nick right behind him.  In a harsh whisper, he said, "I'm
driving.  I don't need you zoning off to whatever century it is you
zone off to and getting us killed.  Correction, getting me killed as
you don't have to worry much about that."

"Fine.  It doesn't matter to me."

Schanke halted right there.  Nick was actually not going to argue
with who was going to drive.  Good.  At least he'd feel a bit safer
in his car than the Caddy, anyway...and warmer, too.

Continuing the remainder of the distance to Schanke's car, Nick
slowed coming closer to the passenger side.  There, through the front
windshield, he could make out something...just barely.  As they got
in, Nick paused somewhere between standing and sitting, staring at
what was hanging from the rearview mirror--a rosary.  The cross
dangled, directly facing him, taunting him.

From the driver's seat, Schanke casually started the ignition.  In
his peripheral vision, he saw his partner's hesitation.  "Come on,
Knight, I think both of us would like this over with as quickly as
possible."

Carefully, keeping the majority of his attention on the rosary, Nick
sat down.  "Would you mind taking that down?"

He glanced to the rosary, and more specifically, the cross.  It was
clear that crosses most definitely worked.  At least that theory was
proved.  Since it didn't seem to be doing any direct harm to his
partner, Nick could stand it--at least for a night.  "Yes, I do mind.
It's a symbol of my religious beliefs."  Then, to himself, he added,
'And it keeps you a little in-check for the time being.'

As Schanke pulled out of the parking lot, Nick leaned against the
door.  If his partner wanted to feel safe, let him.  As long as the
rosary stayed where it was, he could deal with it...even if its mere
presence made him cringe.

Pulling out into traffic, Schanke pushed, more curious than
anything, "So what were you doing with that woman at the Raven the
other night?"

"Nothing."

That, however, he knew was not the truth.  One can't release a
little blood and call it nothing...particularly not a vampire. 
Glancing skeptically at the other, he scoffed, "Yeah, right."

"Why should you care?"

"Because I'm a cop, or did you forget that?  In case it slipped your
mind, we're supposed to help people, protect people--not murder them."

Nick clenched his jaw tighter.  He knew Schanke was only stating
what he saw...but...the words still bit into him.  "I am not a
murderer."

"Oh yeah, your kind just kills for the blood like how humans
slaughter animals for the meat, right?  Just to get this straight--I
am not a piece of walking fast-food, even if your mightier than thou
view of mortals tells you that.  I don't appreciate being compared to
a hamburger."

"I wasn't comparing."

Schanke paused.  His partner hadn't compared it...but he was just
stating how he felt right now.  "Not verbally, but what you are and
how you were acting the night me and Natalie came over does."

His anger threatened to boil over, and ironically enough, Schanke's
rosary was the only thing preventing it.  Schanke was
right...but...he was tired.  He had hoped Schanke would take this
better, considering a couple of months ago.  But then, he didn't
think Schanke actually believed what he'd come to discover then,
either.  "Just drop it, okay, Schanke?  I'd like to get out of here
as soon as possible, and with you driving as slow as you are right
now arguing with me, it'll be a century before we arrive."

Holding his tongue, Schanke pushed his foot down harder, going a bit
faster than the speed limit.

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

With his attention locked on the shiny silver cross at the end of
the rosary, Nick counted how long they'd been driving.  It had been
just under two minutes since starting the drive back to the precinct,
and he knew they still had a while left.

Watching his partner, whose frustration was palpable, Schanke made a
right turn, purposely planning to make their trip longer.

Noticing their course change, Nick asked, "What did you do that for?"

"No reason.  Just thought you'd like to avoid Cohen," he said, more
or less truthfully.

Nick glared at the other, knowing full well that wasn't the reason. 
Or, at least, not the only reason.

"So...what's with the recycled clothes, Knight?  Didn't manage to
make it home, did you?"

At that, he became slightly uncomfortable.  He hadn't expected
Schanke to notice...but then, Schanke noticed a lot of things.  "Why
would you say that?"

"You haven't shaved for the past three days, and other than your
shirt, you seem to be wearing the same thing as last night.  What,
did you have a date, get your victim's blood on your shirt and have
to borrow one from that Nightcrawler friend of yours?"  Schanke
paused, seeing Nick move closer to the door.  He tensed, guessing
that the reaction was probably because he was at least partially right.

Nick tried to remain calm.  Other than the blood, Schanke had been
more or less right--but he certainly wasn't going to release any
details.

Flashing on his partner with the woman--Nick's shirt unbuttoned and
the woman's off her shoulder--Schanke hesitated, wondering just what
Nick had planned to do that night.  His anger rose, and he blurted
out, "Do you just kill them, or rape them as well?"

Nick's eyes flared crimson at what the last question implied,
settling into a deep amber.  No matter what anyone said, he was not a
rapist.  "Don't accuse me of what you don't know."  His eyes
momentarily shifted to the rosary, after which he continued, "Despite
your earlier mention of religious beliefs, I know full well you've
never hung a rosary from your rearview mirror, or are active in
confessions--by your own admission and what I've seen."

Staring at the rosary again, bits of silver reflecting light between
the deep green beads, the crucifix on the end shining at him, he
reached forward and pulled it from its place, snapping the links.  A
couple of the beads fell off at the action.  Then, grabbing the cross
in one hand, he yanked it from the rest of the rosary.  The bulk of
the object was thrown into the back seat, the cross going out the
window a couple of seconds later.

Retracting his hand, Nick held it closed, feeling the minor burns
already healing as Schanke looked between him and where the rosary
had been, occasionally glancing at the road.  "I hate to say it, but
crosses can be dealt with.  Please--don't get another one unless you
want it to meet the same fate."

While Nick leaned back in his seat, now much more relaxed, Schanke
moved slightly toward his door.  Turning back onto a more direct
route toward the precinct, he again pushed their speed, wanting to
get back as soon as he could manage.

Thoughts of the cross and destroyed rosary flitted through Schanke's
mind.  He was slightly surprised Nick had been able to do what he'd
done...but then, myth might not be one hundred percent true. 
Silently, he wondered just how old his partner was and just what the
vampire's abilities were.  Had he been wrong about taunting Nick
further?  Or, was what he was seeing the real man behind his partner?
He needed to know, and he feared it was his second guess.

Neither said another word the rest of their shift.

*+.*+.*+.*+.*+.

Lying in the middle of the spare room's bed at the Raven, Nick tried
to get to sleep, but couldn't.  All of the comments Schanke had made
since discovering what he was were hitting him closer and closer.  He
knew his reactions were only feeding Schanke's anger and suspicions,
but he couldn't help it.

Perhaps, at one time, some of what his partner said was true...but
not all of it.  To rape someone--mortal or vampire--in the sense
Schanke meant was, to him, wrong.  And yet, he wasn't completely free
of that crime.  To take a mortal's blood, particularly if they lived,
was a form of rape.  It was taking, without permission, something
very dear to its owner.  So, in that sense--yes, he had killed and
raped his victims.

But, that was in the past.  He didn't think Schanke was aware that
the woman he'd seen him with was a vampire.  Whether that would
change the other's view on the situation, however, he didn't know.

He had come to the Raven after work, picking up some clothes and
other necessities from the loft.  He'd decided to stay here for the
time being, mainly to avoid having to think about this and avoid
contact with Schanke and, to a lesser extent, Natalie.  Instead, he
ended up thinking even more about recent events.

Picking his watch up off the table, he noticed that it was almost
noon.  Mid-day had already arrived and he hadn't managed to get even
a hint of rest.  Concentrating on his link with LaCroix, he found his
sire sound asleep.

After again trying to fall asleep and not succeeding, he stared at
the ceiling, wide awake.  Slowly and quietly, he got out of bed and
headed for the door.  Pausing, he eventually headed for the kitchen
and poured himself a glass of blood.

He drank it gradually; one sip at a time, letting the liquid calm
him.  Finishing the glass, he placed it in the sink and started back
to his room, but stopped in the hallway.  Leaning against the wall
and closing his eyes, he told himself to relax.  If he didn't, there
wouldn't be any chance of getting any sleep that day.

Abruptly, and not really thinking about it, Nick headed down the
hall, past the spare room, and toward LaCroix'.  Carefully opening
the door, he saw that the elder vampire was apparently still deep in
sleep.  He took a few steps closer, but ceased his path halfway to
the bed.

What was he doing in here?  In part, he really didn't know.  Yet, he
did know that in here he could sleep...it was just a matter of not
bothering LaCroix.

Approaching the bed, he cautiously slid onto the bed and under the
covers.  Lying on his side, he curled up slightly, taking care not to
touch or wake LaCroix.

Ever so sluggishly, his body relaxed.  Several minutes later, he
found himself beginning to drift off, the pain Schanke's words had
caused still fresh in his mind.


Shades of Grey - (12/21)

Stirring, LaCroix opened his eyes only to see Nicholas in his
peripheral vision.  He had felt something through their bond, but he
hadn't suspected it to be his son so close.  Simply watching, he
quickly noticed that Nicholas was shaking...a faint, continuous
shiver.  Perhaps this was what had woken him.

Reaching out, he just let the tips of his fingers brush against the
younger vampire's skin.  The action gently woke Nicholas.  His son's
eyes slowly opened, and a faintly golden hue stared back at him.

At the somewhat familiar touch, hints of past unpleasant memories
flashed in his thoughts, and he instinctively pulled away.  However,
LaCroix prevented him, leading him in the opposite direction.  He
raised his hands, pushing against the elder vampire's chest even as
LaCroix' hand on his back pulled him ever nearer.  He reminded
himself to relax, knowing the reaction was mainly a result of being
startled.

"Shh...rest, just rest."  LaCroix repeated his wor