********************************************************************* War 7 File 6 ********************************************************************* True Blue Date: Wednesday, July 31st (late evening) Place: Merc HQ Author: Dawn Steele -- Merc. Occurs after "The Powers of Windex", and "Pretty (not) in Pink" and a little while after I get back from my "Just a Little Documentary" stuff, and just Lizbet gets back with the antidote. ------------------------------- Dawn wandered around Merc HQ, knocking on peoples doors and trying to beg, borrow or steal some clothes. She already had on a melange of shorts, gym pants, shirts and sweaters. Layer upon layer -- and despite the hot weather she was shivering helplessly. She was a faint, but distinct blue. Her hands, bare of any gloves, were a darker tinge than her face. Knocking on Liz the Lucky's door, she wandered in at the command to enter. The door to the private bath (well she Liz the Lucky) was closed. Dawn knocked on it and raised her voice. "Liz? It's Dawn. You got a sweater I can borrow?" "Sorry, but I didn't bring any." Dawn heard the sound of water splashing enthusiastically, and moaned. Liz must have heard her. "What's wrong with you?" "I don't know. I started feeling bad on the way back from the documentary." Liz, soaking in an Aveena full bath, put one and one together and made 'PINK'! "Do you know about the stuff LC put on the bust?" "What stuff?" After contemplating getting out of the tub for precisely 5 seconds before thinking better of it (she itched!), Liz yelled "Take a look at the email message Lizbet forwarded to me -- it should be on the monitor." Dawn moved up close (So I'm nearsighted!), and slowly read LaCroix's message. The next few minutes were filled with obsenities. Most of them Dawn hadn't even realized that she'd known. They covered four languages, and numerous bodily conditions. Finally Dawn sighed, and shuffled back to the door. "Tell Lizbet she better get the antidote to me as soon as possible, or I won't be responsible for what I do to her... or LaCroix." "How pink are you?" Liz yelled. "I'm not pink, I'm... blue." More grumbling. Dawn wasn't a happy camper when sick. "I've never had predictable reactions." She turned to Liz's bathroom door. "It seems to be hitting me late, fast and hard. Who knows... Maybe if I'm lucky, it'll all burn out tonight." Dawn stopped for a minute and sneezed into one of the kleenex she had with her. "Lizbet can find me in the hot tub." Dawn's disgruntled mutterings followed behind her all the way to the hot tub. Blue spots were starting to cover her hands and arms. This day was just , too busy. --------------------- Timeline note: I had Liz being with me at the documentary, and Lizbet had her in the "Pretty (Not) in Pink". Just consider that Liz went back to Merc HQ when she wasn't feeling well, and then herorically went back in the afternoon for her spot in part 3 of the documentary all covered in flesh colored makeup. ********************************************************************* A Last Minute Party Place: Merc HQ Author: Dawn Steele -- Merc. Date: Wednesday, July 31st, after "Just a Little Documentary" and after "True Blue". Notice: I am that this will be the last backdated story I post. It probably won't be, but I'm going to try. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Will's tape was just an excuse for Dawn to throw a party. The truth of the matter was that she had missed both the reopening of the Raven, and the private showing at the ROM. As any war participant knows, it was really the quality of the parties that made the wars (or auctions, exhibits, etc.) So as soon as the tapes had been made and sent off, she had taken the master copy, as well as some other tapes down to the viewing room. The kitchen proved to be a rich source of goodies, and she had snuck into the chocolate shop to get a few choice items (which she put on her tab). Chips, pop, hot chocolate, veggie snacks, dips of all sorts, popcorn, punch (alcoholic and non-alcoholic)... she had even ordered an assortment of pizzas! Liz the Lucky had been the first to arrive. She had settled herself cross legged on the couch, and showed off the large purple bruises that had resulted from her 'accident' with Will that afternoon. After pointing out how pretty the color was (espescially the one shaped like a butterfly), she spent the next five minutes covering them with Arnica gel. Although the backpack Dawn had brought from New Brunswick wasn't very big, she had somehow managed to stuff her entire collection of FK shows, HL shows, ... and all her copies of things that Fans Should Not and Do Not Have. They started off the evening with the "Oatmeal Crisp" commercials while waiting for the others to arrive. Samantha showed up to the resounding sound of "IT'S 'NO OATMEAL!!" echoing around the room. She settled into a corner of the coach, and grabbed one of the bowls of buttered popcorn. Dawn went back to her room and brought out the stash of socks she had received for herself and her helpers in her latest job. True to FK tradition, she put them all in a bit tub so that they could be used as TV ammunition if necessary. Her mind still fuzzy from the afteraffects of the 'poison' LaCroix had sprayed on the stolen bust, Dawn was just glad that Lizbet had gotten the antidote to her before she got further into her plans for blowing up CERK HQ -- the sticking point having been figuring out who'd hire her for the job. The next few hours passed in a pleasant haze. Mercs (Christina, Lisa, Lizbet, etc.) came in and out. Jobs successfully completed, and non- secret ones were discussed and plotted. Timeline clashes were all successfully avoided due to the vaque and unspecific nature of this post. Christina somehow managed to choke on some pizza during Take 37 (where Will got tackled by a cameraman who had just seen "Last Knight" the other day, and was harboring some resentment towards Nick Knight). Laughing, eating and throwing socks all at the same time is not to be encouraged. There was some fighting over who got to use the Heimlich manuever, but Christina managed to recover by herself before any final decision was made. Near the end of the party, Christina and Dianne tried to use the opportunity to have an impromtu meeting. Unfortunately, most of the mercs were in a serious state of sock throwing sillyness and wouldn't pay attention -- despite threats of using the one, the only, the great Shillelagh-of-Great-Pain. The party wound down bit by bit. Mercs drifted off, and Dawn started gathering all the used dishes together to take to the kitchen. (I love virtual dishes -- they're so easy to clean!) Dawn also tried to snag Dianne's attention at the end of the party. She had discovered the previous day that LaCroix had been the one who had attacked Diane E. Dawn was in a moral quandrary as to whether to tell her employer or not. She didn't want Lana to get in a futile attempt to get back at LaCroix. Unfortunately, since Dianne was examining her Shillelagh at the time and trying to figure out if it had been switched with Tigon's model (The Great Shillelagh had never failed her before after all), Dianne didn't hear, and Dawn decided to put off telling Lana in the hope of avoiding backposting a story. And thus we end this somewhat incoherent post, that was planned, half- done, stopped, ignored, restarted, re-ignored, and then posted in a fit of "why not! If Catherine Boone (oh WarMistss) can post stuff from War 5, then I can post this!" mood. The end. ---------------------- For Diane E. ********************************************************************* Paper Trails....2/2 by: Cousin Candice (with Erik playing a supporting role ;) date: Wednesday July 31 time: afternoon Place: Kinko's Copies on Bloor Candice and Erik arrived at Kinko's at precisely 2:30, disks in hand. The familiar rustling of paper made Candice smile -she knew she had come back at the right time -that same clerk was on duty again. The clerk looked up sheepeishly, but when he -saw- who it was smiling at him waiting to be served, a look of sheer horror painted itself across his face and didn't go away until she spoke. By then, the clerk was shaking visably. "Hi!," Candice said brightly "I'm back, and this time, I've got some legitamate work for you to do!" The clerk, backing away into his boss's office was shaking his head, "No, no, no, no...not again, please don't ....please...please?" Erik watched Candice leave the disks on the counter and hop over it and corner the little sales guy in the office. She slammed the door shut and waited. In the five minutes Erik was left alone, he had inserted the disks and copied everything to the hard-drive like Candice had told him to. She said it was easier to work that way or else the computer would search the disks for the files every time they needed to be printed out. That, Candice said, would take forever. And they needed a LOT of printing done in very little time. The door opened with a little squeak just as Erik had positioned himself behind the chair at the computer. The clerk seemed quite a bit more cooperative. "Que ditez-vous?" "C'est pas de quoi...relax, we'll be out of here in an hour." True to form, Candice and Erik left Kinko's Copies in one hour's time. They headed back to CERK to rally up some help and headed for NatPack HQ. The Cousins waited from 5 to 5:30. When the last of the NatPackers had gone, the Cousins made their attack. ********************************************************************* Employee Warning By: Janette DuCharme via Raven Cynthia Date: July 31, 1996 Time: 6:00 p.m. Text of a notice found posted to the chain link fence surrounding the (de)consecrated Church, aka Vaquero Headquarters: (What, you think just because I'm a Raven who wears jeans and birkenstocks I'm walking through Goose Goo? No way.) To: Bonnie Pardoe From: Raven Management We understand you are unable to make it to work this evening. Since the payment you receive for each night's singing duties is a crate of blood for your newly coifed leader, you are hereby notified that this breach of your deal means you will not receive said crates this week. We sincerely regret the inconvenience this might cause your host, and we expect to see you Thursday evening at the usual time. (A private note in a small envelope attached to the above notice read: Bonnie, under the circumstances, I sincerely hope you stop sharing a room with him. C.) ********************************************************************* Who does she think she is? By: Partly - Perkulators Wed. 7/31 - 7 pm Partly, Robin and Lynne slowly walked toward the Four Seasons Hotel, the rest of the Perks followed listlessly behind. They had gone out for dinner using one of the gift certificates they had won, and had had a truly wonderful time. But none of them were feeling particularly perky. In fact perky hadn't been in the picture since their meeting with Quill, funeral director and cross dresser. One thought kept circling around and around in their heads: Tracy *could* be alive. "There's a big parade and party going on this weekend." Lynne said. "And there's a Shakespearean play on Saturday, too." "It should be fun," Robin didn't sound like she meant it. "Hope the weather is nice." Partly nodded noncommittally, and lead them into the hotel lobby. She stopped at the concierge desk, and inquired about messages and mail. The tall, thin man behind the desk gave her a disapproving look before turning to fulfill her request. Partly sighed. The hotel was beautiful, but both of the concierge were idiots. No, not idiots, she corrected herself. Snobs. People who thought that just because the Perks had won the stay in a raffle, they didn't deserve respect. This one, she thought his name was Jeffery, was the worst. Oh, well, she was too tired to do anything about that now. "Mail. Messages. Visitors." He placed three piles of papers in front of her, then turned his back on her. Partly gathered the papers and headed to the elevator when she saw what was written on the top one: "INCOMING PHONE CALL: Tues. 7/30 11 am. FROM: Tracy Vetter RE: Urgent Help Needed." She stopped so fast that Robin ran into her. "Signal next time, will you?" Partly ignored her, quickly scanning the rest of phone messages. There were five more, all saying the same thing and dated about 4 hours apart. The last one came in at noon that day. Partly almost ran back to the desk. "Excuse me." When the concierge didn't turn around, Partly reached over the desk and grabbed his arm, forcing him to face her. "Excuse me, but why didn't we receive any of these messages?" She flashed the stack under his nose. "We were here when most of these came in." She spoke loudly enough not to be ignored. Jeffery glanced at the notes. "Your phone was out of order and was not accepting outside calls. We took messages." "Why didn't you let us know?" Partly couldn't believe this. All this time Tracy had been contacting them and this idiot didn't give them the messages. And they were from *Tuesday*, she felt like she'd spent a week on the one miserable day. "Why didn't you call them up?" "There didn't seem to be a need." He started to leave. "No need?" Partly gabbed him by the arm again and pointed at the note. "They're *all* marked urgent." The concierge pulled out of her grasp with a disgusted look. "It is not my job to babysit immature Americans and their drunken harlot friends." Partly was sure she had stepped into the middle of the wrong conversation. "What are you talking about?" "You're friend. The one who left the phone calls and is fond of very revealing black leather, she stopped by here twice." He looked down his long nose at Partly. "I gave you the notes." Partly handed the phone messages to a confused Robin, and quickly scanned the "Visitor's" list. Tracy Vetter had been there at 3 and 7 pm. She glanced at her watch. That was just 15 minutes ago. "Didn't she want to wait for us?" "I will not have that element in this lobby, no matter how sick they claim to be. Now if you don't mind, I have work to do." He turned his back on Partly. "Stop. Stop right there." Partly voice held a thin edge of ice she reserved for the occasions she was seriously considering killing things. Jeffery stopped. "You're telling me she was sick and you kicked her out?" The confrontation started to draw some attention. A deskclerk appeared beside them and Jeffery, finally sensing a problem, came out from behind his desk. "Please calm down. There is nothing to get excited about." "Nothing to get excited about?" Partly raised her voice further, attracting attention from all the people in the room. "You keep messages marked 'Urgent Help Needed' for more than 24 hours, and then you kick out people because they're sick, and you don't think I should be excited?" Robin and Lynne backed off several feet, not sure where this was going, but knowing they didn't want to be in the middle of it. Jeffery glanced about worriedly. "I'm sure we can take care of this in a more private place." He gestured to a door behind him. Partly ignored the offer. "I don't want privacy. I don't want to talk to you. I want a manager and I want one NOW." A crowd had formed at the entrance to the bar. "I want to know who put an idiot like you in a position of power." A look close to fear passed over Jeffery's face, but just as suddenly, he smiled, staring behind Partly. "There," he pointed to the entrance of the hotel, "she back. No harm done." Partly turned to see a woman dressed in a black coat and hat and carrying a large bag, stagger toward them. She had just reached the carpeting when she stumbled and fell. Partly was the first to reach the fallen woman. She knelt beside her. "Tracy?" Partly gently turned her over and stared into Jamie's face. Jamie's eyes fluttered open and she pulled herself close to Partly, their faces inches apart. "Partly, my faithful follower. Tell Vachon I love him." She collapsed dramatically again. "Jamie? Jamie!?" Partly shook her gently. There was no response. "She said her name was Tracy Vetter," Jeffery said. "And you had better get her out of the lobby." Partly reached up and grabbed the concierge by his tie. "You miserable little worm. You are going to help me move her upstairs and then you are going to get me a doctor. Because if anything happens to her..." she didn't finish the sentence. Whatever she would do to him wouldn't be nearly as bad as what the NatPack would do if anything happened to the ListMommy ****** Twenty minutes later a doctor walked out of Partly's room in the hotel. The Perks, all assembled for the first time, rose to meet him. He lifted a hand to stop their questions. "She'll be fine. She's dehydrated and hasn't had anything to eat for a while, but she's resting now. She should make a full recovery." He picked up his suit coat, and headed for the door. "I can't do anything else. Just make sure that she drinks a lot of liquids and start her off eating something easily digested. OK?" Partly nodded. "What about," she wasn't sure how to phrase this. "Is she delirious?" The doctor smiled. "Oh, no. She very rational. She knew the answers to all the questions: name, address, phone number." He opened the door to leave, but Partly held onto the door. "And what did she say? What did she say her name was?" Almost all the Perks spoke at once. The Doctor looked like he thought he should be examining *them*. "Tracy Vetter." He paused. "That is right, isn't it?" Partly didn't even consider trying to explain. "Yes. Thank you." She closed the door behind him and turned back to the Perks. "Well, I think we should let the NatPack know we have Jamie. And we should find out what happened to her. And..." she headed to the bar, "I need a drink." Suddenly ear-splintering load music came from the bedroom occupied by Jamie. It took a couple of seconds to identify "I wanna rock 'n roll all night" over the distortion. As the rest of the Perks scrambled to the bedroom, Partly continued to the bar. "In fact, I may need several." ********************************************************************* Losers, Weepers (1/1) Day: 7/31 7:30 pm ish Location: The Fang Gang House After: Finders Keepers Written by: Kira Chistiakoff, Merc Letting myself into the house with my key, I wondered if there was anyone home. (Where I live, doors don't get locked) I figured myself lucky if I didn't run into Lizbet, she was sure to be a bit upset, I was after all cutting it real close. I headed into the kitchen, 'cause that's where the stairs to the basement are, and nearly tripped over a dog. (Obviously mortal, since it's still light out.) After a few well chosen epithets, I continued my trek, lugging the sizable bag of socks with a bit of difficulty. Nearly tripping down the stairs, I found myself face to face with one of the *other* dogs, and from the way his(?) eyes were glowing, obviously quite upset about having been so rudely awakened. I took a step back, to show I meant no disrespect, and he decided I wasn't so bad, curled up and went back to sleep. Stepping across to the bin, I unburdened myself, and headed out the way I had come. Quietly, of course. Coming back out into the kitchen, I looked around for my shirt. //I know Lizbet said she'd leave it in the kitchen!// But all I found was one waterlogged, illegible piece of paper, that may at one time have been a note. I stood and stared at the piece of paper for a time, wondering what on earth was going on, and decided I had better take my chances, and go look for Lizbet. Upstairs, I found a room with a padlock on it.//Undoubtedly Lizbet's//Which meant she wasn't here, so I went looking for anyone else who was home. Which is when I stumbled across Tigon's room. An incredibly neat room, Tigon was stretched across her made bed, wearing *MY* shirt! "Hi, you must be Tigon. I'm Kira." I said, after she acknowledged my presence. "Nice to finally meet you, but might I ask what you are doing wearing my shirt?" "Oh, is this yours? Well, Finders, Keepers, and all that..." "Uhuh buster! That shirt is someone's payment, and I'm sure she will be quite upset if I don't show up with it in hand." "Well, I've grown quite attached to it, what's it worth to ya'?" " I'm paying for that shirt, fair and square, if you're not planning on giving it back, the question is, what's it worth to you?" "What did you have in mind?" "You can keep the shirt. She'll live. But you owe me one, and don't doubt, I'll come collecting." "Ummmmmm, how big of one?" "Let me just say, I've seen what you can do with dogs...I'll have a job for you in a few days. Enjoy the shirt!" I walked out of the house pleased with myself, the merc the shirt was for had pulled out of the job, *after* the shirt had been stolen for her, and since I would have a new puppy in a few days, I could use some help training her. ********************************************************************* Packages tied up with string... by Kristina (Perkulator) time: Wednesday, 7/31, early evening Kristina finished wrapping up a brown leather blank book she'd bought from the ROM in paper dotted with smiling suns. It was addressed to the Cousin HQ, and had a little card attached: "Partly tells me that you've been looking for little brown books. Enjoy! with affection, Kristina 'It _never_ hurts to help!'" She'd finished off the card with a big smiley face, and picked up another brown leather blank book to be sent to the Cousins One down, forty to go. ********************************************************************* The Sounds of Silence by Dianne la Mercenaire (with help from Berg ) [Timeline: 'round about 9pm, Weds. 7/31/96] [Place: Merc Central] Berg hated to admit it to a fellow Merc-- let alone the Grand High Poohbah-- but there was really no use in beating about the bush. "I need the location of NatPack Headquarters." Dianne frowned. "Look, I know you know where it is." He sighed. "I'm willing to pay." Dianne looked up at him, a gleam in her eye. "That's a very valuable secret. Took me a lot of work to figure it out so early on...." "What do you want?" Dianne laughed. "You get right to the point, I like that." She pondered for a moment. "You know I just moved cross-country. I really could use some new furniture...." Now it was Berg's turn to frown. She smiled, "But I'll settle for a little piece of your time...." ************* And so it was that, with Berg standing guard outside her door all night, in his armament of choice-- stylish enough to make a Raven drool, but quite functional; armed to the teeth yet dressed to kill-- that Dianne la Mercenaire, Grand High Poohbah of the Forever Knight Mercenary Guild was paid in that most rare and precious Wartime commodity of all... ... a full night's deep and peaceful sleep. **************** [Oh I *wish*... ] ********************************************************************* Miki's Hideaway (1/2) by Jane Credland (with help from Tami and Felicia) Date: Wednesday, July 31, 1996 (10:00 pm) Place: Downtown Toronto "Is this everyone?" Jane looked over the assembled Raven/ettes and shoved her nervousness back into a small dark corner of her psyche. Far more comfortable in jeans than a dress, she still tended to feel a bit out of place amidst their elegant black plumage. Felicia adjusted the laces on the bodice of her black velvet dress. "This is it. Tara said there was something else she had to do tonight and disappeared. Personally, I think Monday night was more than enough excitement for her." "And Catherine muttered something about orals and disappeared back underneath her pile of books. Between her studying and Jasmine doing her thesis revisions, that end of the bar is starting to look more like a library." Tami didn't raise her eyes from her examination of the lace up black leggings she had purchased at Siren. The lines were straight, weren't they? "Is Cynthia coming?" "Not this time. Bars aren't her favourite places to hang out." Jane looked back at the Raven and shrugged. "Except this one. The Raven isn't a bar to her; it's more like a second home." "The cab's here." Chanda pointed out. "Shall we?" Tami, Felicia, Lana, Chanda and Jane flowed across the sidewalk and into the cab. They were determined to find Miklos and bring him back to the Raven... even if it meant checking out every club in Toronto's downtown core. *** "Dan Ackroyd owns this place?" Lana sipped on her cherry coke, as she surveyed the crowd at X-Rays. "Mmhmm." Jane mumbled, keeping an eye on Tami and Felicia at the bar. They were perched on bar stools; Felicia with her legs crossed provocatively, displaying an interesting amount of bare leg. Felicia flipped her pale blonde hair over her shoulder, leaned on the counter and caught the bartender's attention. She signalled for another champagne cocktail and looked questioningly at Tami. "How can you drink that stuff." Tami shook her head and placed one hand protectively over her glass. "This is only just the start. Even if I only have one drink in each place, I'll be more than just a little tipsy by the time we get back to the Raven." "Thank you." Felicia smiled at the bartender and sipped her drink. She flirted with him mercilessly for a few minutes before getting down to business. "Are you all alone here tonight?" He preened under her attention, smoothing his reddish-blonde hair back and sucking in his stomach ever so slightly. "I can handle it. Monday nights aren't usually this busy, but Jeff's sick." "Jeff?" "He's the other bartender. Well, not the only other one. There are four of us: Jeff, Alexa, Gaetan and myself." "Miklos doesn't work here any more then?" Felicia ran her index finger around the edge of her glass. The bartender frowned, deepening the furrow between his brows. "Miklos? If he worked here, it must have been years ago. I've been here for the past three years, and so have the others." "My mistake." "So, what are you doing later on tonight?" Felicia delayed answering for a moment, then kicked Tami under cover of the bar. With a jolt, Tami dragged herself away from contemplating the effect Janette was likely to have on Jessica. "Uh... Felicia, I think our dates are here." "Finally." Releasing an over-emoted sigh, Felicia picked up her glass and slipped off the stool. "It was nice meeting you, Bob." "It's Rob." Staring after the Ravenette's disappearing back, Rob shook his head in confusion -- she had seemed so interested -- and got back to work. *** The group chatted happily as they walked along Queen Street West to their next destination, and window-shopped madly. Chanda and Lana made plans to come back the next day; there were a couple of stores that had the most *interesting* clothes, and with the exchange rate the outfits would be more than affordable. Jane pointed out various restaurants and other stores as they passed by, lingering at the displays outside the used bookstores. It had been so long since she'd bought a book, and the shelves in her apartment looked so empty after shipping her collection out to the library where her friend Sue's mom worked. She gazed wistfully at Bakka (her favourite science fiction book store) -- couldn't she go just one more time before she left Toronto -- but it was on the other side of the street and there was no way to slip over there unnoticed. *** The music at the BamBoo was bouncing off the walls and zinging ear drums when the group of Raven/ettes entered. Always an eclectic surprise, tonight the band was an interesting combination of reggae and neo-punk. It shouldn't have worked, but somehow it did. Chanda covered her ears in mock horror. "Doesn't any place around here play good old country music?" Jane smiled and shook her head. "Not on Queen Street West. You'll have to go out to the suburbs if you want to listen to that stuff." "Not your favourite, huh?" "Nope. Not even two years of living in Houston could convert me. In fact, it accomplished the exact opposite. Bonnie Raitt and kd lang are about as country as I get." "I prefer show tunes myself." Lana responded. "This noise is just giving me a headache. Can we just check out the bartender and get out of here?" "Why don't you go ahead. I'm going to join Tami and Felicia on the dance floor. Come and get us when you're ready to leave." Jane threw the last words over her shoulder; her whole body moving with the music as she walked. Chanda swept an arm out and led Lana to the back. "Shall we?" "Now what?" Lana looked helplessly at the sea of people that milled around in front of the bar. Three and four deep in places, the two Ravenettes couldn't even see the bartenders ... and neither of them was particularly short. "We push." Chanda barged ahead. With a few adept moves involving toe trampling, body shoving and, once, an elbow in a guy's ribs, she cleared a path to the front. Then, utilizing skills honed in numerous rowdy country-western clubs, she caught the attention of a bartender. "What can I get you?" The long, dark hair was the only feature that this woman had in common with Miklos. Petite and dark-skinned definitely didn't match. "A cherry co..uh." Lana choked half way through as Chanda nudged her ... hard. Taking advantage of the distraction, Chanda asked, "Is Miklos working tonight? He said we should drop by when we came to town." "Miklos? Sorry, there's no Miklos working here at all. Are you sure you're in the right place." "This is the BamBoo, right?" "Yep. Guess you got taken for a ride." The bartender commented sympathetically. "What does this Miklos look like? Maybe I've seen him around." "Tall, dark and handsome." Lana jumped in before Chanda could continue. When the woman looked at them sceptically, she continued. "Well, sort of. He's definitely tall and handsome. The dark's a bit problematic though. He's got gorgeous long dark hair but very pale skin." "No-one like that working here. Now, can I get you ladies some drinks?" Chanda and Lana had already disappeared by the time she finished the last sentence. Wanting to get out of the club before the pounding beat started a matching one in her head, Chanda refused to listen to excuses and herded Felicia, Jane and Tami off the dance floor and out the door. Two clubs down ... how many more to go? ********************************************************************* Revenge of the Emoticon 1/2 by Kathy Whelton Time: Wend late evening 10pm After Some Cousins Come Calling and A Farce in Three Acts Special thanks to Gehirn Karies and Leslie Grant Smith for their assistance Kathy rustled through the boxer shorts at That Special Something for Men. Tossing the horrendous cow print shorts everywhere. The salesmen were horrified, this was the third woman in fifteen minutes who came tearing in looking for the cherry boxers advertised on TV. The manager scratched his head. Not only did he not commission a commercial for a sale on boxers, he had no idea where the dozens of cow print boxers that lined his shelves had come from. Kathy took a deep breath, stared at the pack of cow print boxers in her hand. Slowly it began to dawn on her. There was some significance to cows and one of the fac...affiliations. She had tried to be a good newbie and read up on the wars. The COUSINS! She had left the loft unguarded. She had let herself be swept away by lustful thoughts of Nick in the cherry boxers. She raced for the door. Actually, first she stopped and purchased several packages of the boxers. They really weren't that bad, and she still needed a present for Nick. Also she had promised her husband Brian a souvenir from Toronto and they really did live on Holstein Ave. Kathy arrived back at the loft and raced up the stairs, too impatient to wait for the elevator. Several of the Knighties had arrived back from their various endeavors. The looks on their faces told her everything she needed to know. Someone had gotten into the loft! "What happened?" several Knighties yelled at once. "You were supposed to stay here, keep an eye on the place." Kathy tried to explain about the cherry boxers, but her words rang hollow, even to her. She had let the team down. "Is anything missing?" she asked, hoping against hope. "Nick's motorcycle is gone." Maria said gently. Suze stood at Nick's desk looking through his papers. "His new platinum credit card seems to be gone too. There seems to be less mail here than there was yesterday." "Look!" someone yelled. "A note." "Dear Nick. IOU one small, black, oriental figurine,-uncursed-" Affectionately, Loose Cannon The Black Buddha. I thought he had gotten rid of that. The Knighties dissolved into a discussion of the merits of the season opener. The words "dream sequence" and "memory" figured prominently. On the other side of the room Kathy hung her head in shame. Then out of the corner of her eye she noticed a small yellow slip of paper. She picked it up. It was a credit card receipt from a Toronto hotel. Dropped, unnoticed perhaps while it's owner scrambled for something. The name on the slip was. Gehirn Karies! So it was Karies. Kathy had had dealings with this particular Cousin before. Kathy's eyes slitted with a steely resolve. She had planned to lurk through this, her first war. But now this was personal. And she knew just what it was she would do. ********************************************************************* A CERK Jerk Fiddles With Fate (1/1) Leslie GrantSmith (LoosCanN@aol.com) Time: Shortly after sundown, Wednesday July 31st After: A Farce in Three Acts Leslie watched in silence, eyelids at a bleary half-mast, as Karies stumbled around the motel room feeding her yowling cats. Fuzzy orange bullies. Something nagged at her, something she needed to do before she could rest. She sagged onto one of the beds, her bulkier than usual fanny pack (which she wore as a sporran), catching her in the gut. Ah! That was it. She waited until Karies, mumbling a Good Frolicking Night, collapsed on the other bed, fully clothed. Then she pulled the little black statuette from her pouch and sitting on the edge of the bed, set the little fellow on the seat of Vachon's motorcycle. Reaching deeper into her pack, she pulled out a strand of slender silk cord, hardly thicker than a thread. Taking a deep breath, she reached into herself, and made a loop in white cord. She placed this around the neck of the little cross-legged figure and tightened it. Focusing her mind, she formed a little thought-form, one made of an appeal for protection and containment. She tied the image into a knot of the silk cord. Thirty-nine times she shaped the protective seal, thirty-nine times she made a knot. When she was done, she sighed and relaxed. Reaching out she straightened the little cord around the figures neck. It made a rather jaunty little tie, actually. Leslie was under no illusions that she could remove the curse from the dark object, but she could contain any ill effects of its psychic malaise, the depressing aura of energy it projected. Unless someone actually used it to make a wish. Which she had no intention of doing. Yawning, she dropped the little figurine into the saddle bag of Vachon's bike. So long as the cord remained around its neck, its unhealthy taint would be contained. Gaping hugely again, she collapsed back on the bed and fell asleep, her snores blending harmoniously with Karies'. ********************************************************************* COWS: Udderly Revenge (3/5) Author: Cherri L. Munoz aka Cousin Cherri Date: Wednesday, July 31 Time: 11:00 pm Place: At Vachon's Church -------------------------- Cousin Rebecca held the binoculars on Vachon's church looking for activity. Suddenly, the door opened and two of the Vaqueras with brooms started to shoo the geese away while the others escaped past the gates. When all the Vaqueras where out of the church, the two with the brooms backed out until they too were out on the street. They safely stored the brooms under one of the vans then ran to catch up with their faction members. "Perfect!" Cousin Rebecca whispered to Cousins Will, Mary, Starr, and Denise. "They're gone! Cousin Cherri told us they'd leave the vans and use the Metro to get to CERK. I understand they plan to walk back to the church with Vachon in the middle of their crowd." Cousin Denise laughed as she rubbed her hands together. "Time for action. The General has only released me long enough to help with this raid then I gotta get back to...I gotta get back. Cousin Will... Cousin Mary...go get the temporary fence. Cousin Rebecca and Cousin Starr will handle the geese. OK, everyone. I see that you have your Environmental suits on. After all, they have sophisticated surveillance equipment and we wouldn't want to be recognized, would we? Good. Then let's move out!" "What about you, Cousin Denise?" Cousin Mary asked. "Why aren't you going to help us do this dirty job?" Cousin Denise straightened to her 5'4" stature and faced the recalcitrant Cousin who faced her. "Because..." she said, with a grimace on her face. "The General put me in charge of this operation until Cousin Cherri gets back from her project. He said that my ruthlessness would assure the success of this venture. Any more questions?" "Uhh...uuuh...no." Cousin Mary sneered. She obviously didn't like it but she wasn't about to say more. If Cousin Denise had talked to the General and Cousin Cherri was to be part of the raid then this was one Cousin she didn't want to cross. Who knew what the ruthless one would say to either Cousin Cherri or the General? In her best drill sergeant voice, Cousin Denise barked, "GOOD! Now do it." All the Cousins jumped. Rebecca and Starr used the umbrellas left by the Vaqueras to shoo the geese out of the way while Mary and Will began to install the temporary fence on both sides of the walkway. It took a bit since they were slipping and sliding all over the place from the geese goop and also because they occasionally had to dodge stray geese trying to take a bite out of crime, however, on short order, the fence was installed and the borrowed brooms were replaced. When they returned, Cousin Denise looked pleased. "Phase one is complete. Let's pull back and wait! It won't be long until Cousin Cherri gets here." ********************************************************************* COWS: Udderly Revenge (4/5) Author: Cherri L. Munoz aka Cousin Cherri Date: Wednesday, July 31 Time: 11:00 pm Place: CERK HQ ---------------- Cousin Cherri was in the CERK HQ lobby waiting for the long-haired vampire to arrive. At exactly 11 pm, Vachon walked through the door. "Vachon. So good of you to come." She indicated the door. "Follow me." As the two of them passed through the halls, several Cousins appeared and disappeared obviously trying to catch a glimpse of the cute vampire. Cousin Cherri smirked. //Let'em look. They're just jealous.// Finally, they came to an unmarked door which Cherri opened and indicated for Vachon to enter. "Now, look..." he started to say. "No! You look, Vachon. I had to be in the cow costume since last November! The Vaqueras have been teasing me and mooing at me the whole time. When LaCroix found out, I was almost lunch but then he decided to make the Cow the CERK mascot so that all of Toronto could join the Vaqueras in their favorite pastime AND I've heard that the rest of Canada knows as well. So don't even try to talk yourself out of this because it **won't** work." He just sighed in resignation. "If it's anything to you, I'm sorry for what you have gone through." Vachon scratched his forehead in thought. "Yea. OK." He nodded. "Let's do it." Cherri went to the closet and pulled out the costume. "You know...you should be grateful. I'm not a morning person." Vachon laughed. "Neither am I." "Yea..well. This morning, I was at the dry cleaners at 7 am. The cow costume was properly cleaned for the first time since Dona Torrey put it on me." Unzipping the costume, Cousin Cherri looked at it then at the vampire. "You know, Vachon, you are going to look even more ridiculous than I did. After all, you are quite a bit taller than I am." She grinned. Vachon rolled his eyes and groaned. "OK, give it to me and I'll put it on." "That wasn't part of the deal and you know it. **I** get to put it on you. Take off your shoes then come here," Cherri demanded. Once he was standing in sock feet, she kneeled down, and opened the right leg. "Step here." Vachon hesitated. "Fine. I'll call LaCroix." Cherri started to get up. "Uh...no." He stepped over to her. "Mind if I use your shoulder to steady myself?" "Not at all." Cousin Cherri looked up to admire the view of Vachon's face as he lifted his leg then slid it home. Judging how short the costume leg would be on Vachon, she pushed the leg slightly past the position she felt it should be on the vampire's then gathered up the left leg. "Next?" she said. When both legs were in the position Cherri wanted, she moved behind the vampire and began to lift the costume in position over his hips. Coming around to the front, she pulled the udder piece into position. "Please hold this..." she asked him. "...so that I can zip it up." Using one hand to hold the costume leg and the other for the zipper, she was able to get it closed without great difficulty. She repeated her efforts for the other side. Cherri held out each sleeve in turn for Vachon to put his arm through. When he moved to pull his hair out of the back of the costume, she slapped his hand away. "What the h...? Why'd you do that for?" "Vachon, I love long hair. I get to play with it so hands off." She gently pulled the tresses out, straightened the cow costume the way she wanted it, then stroked the hair until it was smooth. "It's slightly shorter than I remember it, Vachon. What happened?" He turned to face her. "Two days ago, Mercenary Cousin Lisa drugged me and cut my hair. Normally..." he looked to one side as he smacked his lips, "...a vampire will regrow his hair overnight, but mine is so long that to truly get it to its original length, it takes three nights. Soooo." "Dona Cherri," he said as he caressed her face. "It will be full length in the morning." "Full length in..." she began to repeat. Suddenly, she shook her head. "Don't try that again. You are NOT the General. You are not LaCroix. I am a Cousin and you and the rest of your Vaqueros should remember that." Cherri then tugged the front of the costume into position and slid the zipper up. After she flipped the hood over his head, she pulled out the ears to their correct position. Zipping it up all the way to his chin, she once again kneeled down to readjusted the pants' legs which missed being full length by at least three inches. "And now, the part I've been waiting for." Cousin Cherri grinned wickedly as she slipped the mooing device around his ankle and strapped it in position. "There. You are ready for the next part of the deal." Putting his hands on his hips, Vachon asked, "What if I gave you something you would like in exchange for not taking my picture?" Cherri stopped, thought about it, then the Cousinly part of her took over so she had to ask. "What do you have to offer?" A leer came to his eyes, "I can give you immortality. You would like that, wouldn't you?" Once again she shook her head. "Vaaaa..chooonnn!!! Stop that! I'll do what I must but when I get brought across, I choose LaCroix for he is much older and more powerful than you. **I** will wait for him." "Then, I offer a kiss and a bit of luck." He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "For you may need it while you remain with LaCroix." "Right." Cherri said sarcastically. "Sit down and put your feet out so I can put your shoes on." Vachon bent down, "I can do..." The udder udderly stopped him. "Uhh... right. I'll sit down while you put my shoes on." Cherri laughed, "Now you can feel a little of what I have been going through since last November. You know, people get tired of putting on your shoes for you ALL the time. There... that does it. Now let's go," she said then pushed him out the door and back down the hall. The familiar mooing sound echoed as he walked but this time the mooing had a slightly different pace because of Vachon's longer stride. Music to Cousin Cherri's ears. At last, she was not the one making the noise. When Cousin Cherri opened the CERK doors to push Vachon out, she had to quickly fake annoyance and outrage for all the Vaqueras who were waiting at the door. "You...you organized this," she accused Torrey and Sherri. Sherri tried to look innocent but failed miserably. "I...we...just dropped by to see how Vachon was doing. Is he ready?" "He's ready but the Vaqueras coming here were NOT part of the deal!!!" Cousin Cherri bellowed. Sherri smirked, "Yes, well you never said that he had to walk alone and we Vaqueras decided it would be fun to walk with him so here we are." Cousin Cherri schooled her face to look perplexed then grabbed Vachon by the arm to present the vampire to the group. "Here's your vampire," she growled. "Take him and go." Torrey and Sherri approached him cautiously. Vachon nodded his gratitude that the Vaqueras had come to his rescue. He shrugged then took the first step to his freedom. "Moo," the device uddered. "Ooooohhhh," the Vaqueras cried out. "Moo...moo...moo..." Vachon's steps repeated. The satisfied look on Cousin Cherri's face as the crowd walked down the street suddenly turned sour when one of the Vaqueras started mooing with the device. Realizing that they could cover the noise by making their own, the crowd all started mooing. Cousin Cherri was furious since THAT wasn't part of the plan. Wrinkling an eyebrow, she decided that the Vaquera leaders would have to be dealt with a little more firmly than she had originally decided on. //Time for action.// she thought then calmly closed the CERK door behind her before sprinting for LaCroix' private office. After she gently knocked at his door, she entered upon his beckoning. "I see you're ready, my dear." LaCroix observed. He opened a window, then picked her up as she put her arms around his neck. "Don't worry, LaCroix." Cherri assured him. "It'll take the Vaqueras at least an hour to get back to the church. My team should be ready and waiting for me. We'll have plenty of time to do the job and get out. Thank you for flying me there." "It is my pleasure, Cherri." LaCroix' silkened voice reminded her of why she was a Cousin. "Now hold on tight." Cherri laid her head on his shoulder and looked over the Toronto nightscape as LaCroix flew to the church. The air gliding over her sent chill bumps to her skin. Almost before it had started, the trip had ended. LaCroix landed next to the team's van, gave Cherri a kiss on the cheek, said, "I await your return," then flew away. ********************************************************************* Anywhere Else It Would be Impossible When: Wednesday 7/31 Shortly after 11pm. Where: Four Seasons Hotel, a Variety store parking lot, the 96th precinct By: Larissa Field -- Perkulator (Special thanks to Partly) After ten minutes of rummaging through all of her belongings, Larissa gave up. She went into the main room of the suite where various Perks were lounging around contemplating what they were going to do with Jamie. The only time she had become lucid enough to admit she *was* Jamie, she insisted she was a Merc. As Partly said, maybe all this leaping from faction to faction had swiss-cheesed her brain. She started to look through the main room in case she might have misplaced the tin. "What in the world are you looking for, Larissa?" Kristina asked, obviously puzzled. Larissa stopped looking. "I'm trying to find the tin of hot chocolate that I brought with me, but it seems to have disappeared." Kristina smiled. "You really are addicted to that stuff, aren't you. And you can stop looking 'cause you finished it off this morning." "I couldn't have." Larissa thought a moment before she continued. I guess I must of. I'm going out to get some more. Does anybody need anything while I'm out?" Larissa asked as she grabbed the keys for the car. "Where are you going to find hot chocolate at this time of night?" Frederic asked. "There's gotta be an all-night Variety store that sells hot chocolate around somewhere," replied Larissa. "So does anyone need anything?" Several Perks shouted out various items that they wanted and after a few minutes of sorting everything out and making sure she hadn't forgotten anything, Larissa headed out. She had to make several stops in order to get what everyone wanted, but she didn't mind. Larissa liked Toronto, especially at night. And she didn't get many chances to visit the city even though she basically lived next door. In fact, one of the very few times she had been in Toronto this year was for Tracy's--for the funeral. As Larissa was loading her bags into the car, someone called her name. She spun around to see Captain Reese standing there. "Oh, hi Captain. You really shouldn't sneak up on people like that. You startled me." "Sorry about that," he replied. I noticed you walking to your car and I thought I'd come and say hi. What are you doing in Toronto anyway? I thought you didn't come here often." "I don't. However a few of Tracy's friends who couldn't make it down to the funeral decided to get together so they could pay their respects. I was invited." At the mention of Tracy's name, Reese lost the smile on his face. At the same time, Larissa thought about the autopsy report and what the funeral director said. Reese's words interrupted her thoughts. "That reminds me, I 've got this picture of Tracy's back at the station that Commissioner Vetter wanted you to have. If you've got the time you could come pick it up." Larissa blinked. "I only talked to Commissioner Vetter for a second. Why would he want *me* to have something of hers?" "I guess you made a good impression on him, I dunno. But he wanted you to have it. Can you pick it up now?" "Yeah, I guess I can. I've finished all I have to do." ***** At the precinct, Reese led Larissa into his office and immediately went to get the picture out of a drawer in his desk. As Larissa walked in to the office, she noticed a small pile of items in evidence bags sitting on Reese's desk. Before Reese could get the picture, a uniform knocked on the open door and mumbled something to Reese about a problem downstairs. Reese told Larissa to have a seat while he took care of the problem and left, closing the door behind him. As Larissa sat down, one of the pieces of evidence caught her eye. She pulled a plastic-wrapped brown book out of the pile. she thought as she turned it over. And sure enough, the initials 'NK' were on the cover. Larissa quickly slipped the book into the backpack she had brought into the station. Soon after, Reese returned, went over to his desk, and retrieved the picture. He gave it to Larissa and said, "I'd like to chat, but there's sort of a crisis developing..." "Oh, that's alright. I've gotta go anyway." And with that she left with both the picture and the little brown book in tow. ***** Larissa was looking at the picture as she walked out of the precinct. And since she wasn't paying attention to where she was going, she almost walked into a woman coming from the other direction. "Oh, sorry--" Larissa started as she glanced up at the slight, blond haired woman in front of her. "Tracy?!" The woman looked at Larissa and then pulled down on the picture the picture she was holding so she could get a look at it. She smiled and looked back up at Larissa. She looked as though she would say something, but then turned and walked away, very quickly, down the street. "Tracy! Wait!" Larissa called as she went after her. The woman disappeared around the corner and by the time Larissa got there, she was nowhere to be found. ***** Larissa entered the suite carrying several shopping bags containing the things she picked up while she was out. Everyone looked up at her as she came into the room but she didn't seem to notice any of them. "Larissa, are you okay?" Frederic asked as he went over towards her. "You look like you've seen a ghost." After a moment, Larissa responded. "No, not a ghost. I saw Tracy." "What??" Kristina was at Larissa's side instantly. No one was sure what to say next. Kristina and Frederic led Larissa over to the couch, the bags forgotten. "Tell us what happened," Kristina told Larissa as they sat down. Larissa took a deep breath and told all her new friends what happened. "...I tried to follow her but she turned a corner and by the time I got there she was just...gone," she finished up as she gave Partly the book and the picture. "You're sure it was Tracy?" Frederic asked even though he knew what Larissa would say. "Uh-huh. It was her. She was right in front of me, there's no way it could have been any one else." Larissa felt the shock starting to wear off. "Okay, from now on everyone should keep their eyes open for Tracy," Partly told the Perks and then added, "if it is really her. I mean how could Tracy have survived the injuries she sustained on that awful night?" "Anywhere else and I'd say it would be impossible." Kristina said. "But maybe her father carted her off somewhere to get special help. Maybe she was brought across. Maybe the bullet hit Nick first and then Tracy, giving her some of his healing powers." She looked at the Perks and shrugged. "I mean we're dealing with a whole different set of rules here aren't we?" The Perks slowly nodded, finding it hard to argue with that. A whole different set of rules. And rules that seemed to change from situation to situation. Like the continuity on a seventy's TV show. ********************************************************************* Miki's Hideaway (2/2) by Jane Credland with Cynthia Hoffman Date: Wednesday, July 31, 1996 (11:30 pm) Consecutive to Miki's Hideaway (1/2) Place: Downtown Toronto The five Raven/ettes wandered up and down Queen Street West, diving into every bar and night club they passed. Most of the time, they only stayed long enough to inquire wit the bartender about Miklos ... and for Felicia to get another champagne cocktail. "Jane! Come on!" Tami shouted across the street. "We're here to check out bars, not bookstores." With one last longing look at the books in the window of Bakka, Jane dove across the street and rejoined her friends. "Couldn't we just go in for five minutes? Please? I haven't bought a book in over a month. I'm in withdrawal." Tami ignored the pathetic whining tone of voice, and grabbed Jane by the arm. Using the experience built up in seven years of dealing with Jessica's manipulations, she said firmly, "maybe later ... if you're good. We still haven't been into the Velvet Underground." "I'll be good. I promise." Almost running to keep pace with her taller friend, Jane cajoled, "They have the best selection of young adult fantasy novels. We could buy something for Jess." "They'll be closed by the time we're finished." "No. I checked." Jane grinned -- she was winning. "Summer hours. Bakka stays open later this time of year to take advantage of the crowds that come down here to sit outside and people watch. Please?" "Okay. So long as you can get the others to agree." They stopped at the entrance to Velvet Underground, catching sight of Felicia, Lana and Chanda's backs as they disappeared into the crowds. Eager to get in and out fast -- and get to Bakka before it closed -- Jane hauled Tami in the direction of the bar. "Let me do this one." "Okay. I'm going to check on Felicia. I don't trust Lana and Chanda to stop her from getting another drink." Tami sighed. "I'm glad I'm not sharing a room with her. She's gonna regret all those champagne cocktails later." Three attempts to get the bartender's attention by waving failed. //Time to get serious,// Jane thought to herself. She studied the guy for a few moments. It was a guy, right? Skinny as a rake, he had long silver and black hair, with an abstract tattoo in the shaved patch over his left ear. He wore truly adrogynous punk clothing: black leather vest, cropped and ripped black t-shirt, black jeans ... with chains, rings and pins scattered everywhere including his nose, lips, tongue and ... Jane shuddered. She didn't want to think about *that*. This time, as he passed by on the way to serve someone else, she reached out and grabbed one of the chains dangling from his vest. "What the f**k?" His snarl would have been impressive if Jane hadn't been hanging around vampires for so long. "So that's what it takes to get service around here." Jane sneered -- this was not a situation that called for smiles or dimples (of course, she didn't have any dimples, but that's not the point). "I'd like a drink and some information." "I'm busy. You'll have to wait." "Now. Or I'll rip this chain off and start on one that's attached to something more permanent." Crossing her mental fingers, Jane hoped that the guy couldn't see her shaking knees. "Fine. Whatever. Just leggo, alright." "I don't think so. What's to stop you heading off and not coming back. I'll let go when I get what I want, okay." "So what do you want?" "I told you ... information and a drink. Let's start with the information." Jane pulled a little harder on the chain and the bartender came closer. "I'm looking for a guy called Miklos. He might be using another name though." She launched into the spiel they'd perfected over the night. Rubbing his nose with the back of his hand, and crossing his eyes with the effort of thinking, the bartender was silent for a couple of minutes. "Nah. Never seen anyone like that in here. I'd remember him for sure. He sounds like just my type." //Why aren't I surprised? Damn it. This is a waste of time.// Jane flung the chain back at him in frustration. She'd had enough for one night. In fact, for the first time in her life, she was getting queasy at the idea of drinking yet another diet coke. "You know. There's this guy..." He started. "What guy?" Jane snapped, barely able to restrain herself from reaching over the bar (well, it was made a lot easier by the fact that she wasn't tall enough for that). "I dunno... maybe..." //Money. He wants money. So damn predictable.// Jane reached into her pocket and pulled out a bunch of $20 bills. "Here. Will this jog your memory?" "Yeah. Now I remember." The money disappeared faster than Jane's eyes could follow. "There's a guy like that at the bookstore down the street. You know, the one that sells those weird books about space and guys with swords and stuff. Science fiction. I saw him outside earlier tonight when I was having a smoke. He was almost gorgeous enough to make me want to go into the store myself." "Thanks." Jane flung the words over her shoulder as she disappeared into the throng. There was only one store fitting that description on Queen Street West: Bakka. And now, no-one could stop her from going there. *** "You promised." Jane led the Raven/ettes down the street. "You said that I could go there after Velvet Underground." "Whee!" Felicia spun around on the sidewalk, staring up at the sky. "Did you know that the stars whirl around at night? "Someone help me." Tami took hold of one of Felicia's arms, wondering what had gotten into her friend. She'd never seen Felicia like this. In fact, she was sure Felicia had told her that she didn't like the taste of alcohol. "How many drinks did she have tonight anyway?" "I don't know. We lost track of her a few times." Lana seized Felicia's other arm. Chanda played nervously with her braid. "Can't you come back to the bookstore tomorrow? I think we should get Felicia back to the Raven as soon as possible." "No. It has to be tonight." Jane grinned, wondering how they were going to react when they discovered exactly why she was insisting on going there. She dismissed the momentary spasm of guilt at not telling them what she'd learned. After all, they'd know soon enough. "We're too late." Chanda pointed at the door. "The guy's just locking up." Before Jane could react, Felicia squealed, "Mikiiiiiiii!!!" and flung herself at the door to Bakka. "Miki, come back to us. We want you." Miklos stared in horror at the woman plastering herself against the other side of the glass. He remembered the last time she had been in Toronto. They called it a war. He called it something to avoid if at all possible. All those mortals (what did they call themselves again?) going out of their way to get close to him ... and Janette wouldn't let him drink from any of them. Shaking his head, Miklos snapped the lock closed decisively and turned off the lights. He stood in darkness until the woman's companions peeled her off the door, still moaning his name, and took off into the night. He wished he could convince himself that they wouldn't be back. The Raven/ettes stumbled to a halt just around the corner from Bakka. Jane and Tami held on to the weeping Felicia. "I hope she doesn't remember this tomorrow." Tami said, stroking the back of Felicia's hair. "It wasn't that bad." Jane shrugged. "There was a time when I would have done the same thing. He *is* incredibly good looking." "Should we go back and try to catch him at the back door before he leaves?" Lana asked. Looking at the exhausted and disappointed faces surrounding her, Jane said, "Not tonight. We need to think carefully about how to convince him to return. Obviously, it's not just a matter of showing up and asking him nicely." Chanda looked up and down the street. "Let's just grab a cab then, and head back to the Raven. After all, we know where to find him now. We can come back any time we want." ********************************************************************* COWS: Udderly Revenge (5/5) Author: Cherri L. Munoz aka Cousin Cherri Date: Wednesday, July 31 Time: 11:59 pm Place: Vahon's Church ---------------------- The van door opened as soon as Cousin Cherri gave the secret knock. "Perfect timing." Cousin Denise said as she pulled her in and starting to open the Environmental suit for Cherri to put on. "We've only been in here for a minute." Cherri zipped the suit up to the neck, slipped the slicker boots over her own shoes then secured the head piece in place in under two minutes. "You know what you're supposed to do?" All the Cousins nodded. "Good! Phase Two! Let's move out!" They piled out of the van, ran to the sidewalk, and slid on the goose goop like a SLIPnSLIDE (tm) all the way to the front door. The movement caused the geese to put up a frightening noise but no one was around to hear it so it didn't matter. Ruthless Cousin Denise stepped up to the door, placed putty around the doorknob, ignited it, and stepped back. When the fire completed its circle, Denise kicked the door knob out. The door opened at the same time from the force that she used. All the Cousins quickly spread out to do their assigned job. Each ignored the racket the security systems were emitting. Cousin Mary ran to the choir room. Cousins Will and Starr headed towards the sanctuary. Cousin Rebecca found the stairs to the belfry while Ruthless Cousin Denise and Cousin Cherri descended to the basement. Each one was to look in all the usual and the unusual places where Nick's little brown book might be hidden. No one screamed when they found one. No one talked to exchange ideas. It was done in total silence. No voice print could be recorded and no face could be seen because of the environmental suits. As the allotted ten minute time slot came to a close, the teams started to withdraw. Cousin Cherri passed through several rooms on her way back out when she found a room which looked like a small living area. She started to leave when she spotted a guitar propped up by a guitar stand. Even though no one could see it, she grinned from ear to ear. /Vachon's guitar./ It had to be. Reports said Bonnie shared the basement room with Vachon but a quick, careful look revealed no other guitar or guitar equipment in sight so it HAD to be his. Cousin Cherri was about to grab it and run when she spotted what could be a book which was peeking out from under a candle altar. Sure enough, it was brown. She took her two prizes and fled. Cousin Will arrived at the van first. His environmental suit was obviously already in the plastic bag he was holding out for the others. All the Cousins quickly deposit their own suits in the waiting bag making sure that the last item they removed was their gloves. The gloves were removed by turning them inside out. It took three large trash bags to hold all the suits, boots, gloves, and helmets. When everyone had shed the hot protective gear, the bags were sealed and thrown in the back of the van at which point everyone piled inside. Ruthless Cousin Denise gunned the van when the signal was given. After several blocks of streaking tires, Cousin Cherri calmly said, "You know Denise that if you continue down the road like this every Mountie in Toronto is going to know that we were the ones who broke into the church." Cousin Denise sneered but she did let up on the gas pedal after that. She drove around Toronto but avoided the streets which she thought the Vaquera crowd might be. Finally, she stopped in a back alley near the RAVEN. Cousin Will still had on his gloves so he got out, quickly tossed the bags inside a trash bin, turned his own gloves inside out, tossed those in afterwards, and ran back to the van. Ruthless Cousin Denise didn't quite wait for him to close the door before she took off again, however, the other Cousins pulled him inside and the back door was secured by the time they reached the regular street. "Denise!" Cousin Cherri shouted as the ruthless one turned another corner. "I know...I know," Denise told her team leader as she slowed down again and headed for CERK. "How many books did we find? Do you think the General will be pleased?" "I counted five and yes, I think he'll be pleased especially if we've found the right one." Cousin Cherri told her. Denise glanced over. "What do you have there?" "Heh! Heh! Heh! Vachon's guitar. Would love to be a little mouse to see Vachon's and the Vaqueras' reaction when they find out that it is missing?" Cousin Cherri giggled. Denise turned another corner. "Perfect! Wish I'd found it." "I bet you do." Cousin Cherri then turned to the back of the van. We're here guys. Just remember, you must stay in CERK HQ tonight so that we'll all have a solid alibi. All of you except Cousin Denise, that is. She has her own alibi and has to get back to her assignment right away. I'll make sure that LaCroix knows of your fine performances tonight. While the others got out, Cherri admonished Denise, "Watch your speed. If you get caught, the General will.... you know. Just watch it." Cousin Cherri took the guitar and books, closed the van door, then headed towards LaCroix' office. ********************************************************************* Vachon In Udders? By: Torrey Harris Vaqueros Date: 8-1 Time: 12:30 am ***************** Thank you to Bonnie for the HTML . You go girl! ********************************************************************* He looked bad, it was just that simple. The cow suit was to small the mooer made a lot of noise < not as much as the rest of the Vaqueros, but still....>. It took forever to get back to the church. Once inside the cow suit was quickly striped off. "I don't understand why we needed the cow suit back." Crystal asked "Ugh..I asked Cherri for it back, because I just knew that she would do something bad to us with it. I would have never said OK if I knew that she would put Vachon in it. It's not like we had much of a choice...I for one do not want to be lunch for LaCroix." Torrey said rubbing her head / that darn mooing gave me a headache/. "Hey, where did Bonnie go?" Jay asked as he tried to fold the cow suit up. "I think she's in the other room working on the computers." Sherri answered. "Vachon, listen." Torrey said in a soft voice turning to look at him. " I am so sorry, this happened. I had no idea she would do this." "Huph...well at least it's over." Vachon answered. "Hey! You guys! Come here!" Bonnie yelled from the other room. As a group they all filed into the room to see what she was yelling about. "It's done." She said proudly, the cow suit gave me the inspiration, add a little HTML and poof!" Bonnie was absolutely beaming with pride. Torrey looked at the screen, clicked on a few links, and immediately fell to the floor in a fit of giggles. "What are we going to do with it?" Pat asked Clawing her way back up to the table Torrey started to write a letter addressed to all war participants. **************** We invite you all to come and enjoy our new web site. I am sure that you will all find it insightful and entertaining. "http://users.lanminds.com/~callalily/cherri.html" All good things must not come to a end. Sincerely, Dona Torrey ************************************** Torrey hit the send button, just as a yell came from the basement. Vachon came up the stairs growling. "My guitar is gone." He said in a half whisper half growl "< whimper> Don't worry we will get it back." Torrey answered with her head on the desk. / I think/ she thought to herself. ********************************************************************* Revenge of the Emoticon 2/2 by Kathy Whelton Time: Thurs. 8/1 1-2am Thanks again to Gehirn and Leslie Kathy had the cab stop a block from the hotel. It was cumbersome carrying the large package she held, but it was better than being spotted. She had come alone. Perri and Cath had tried to dissuade her. They said it was too risky a job for a newbie, but Kathy had been determined. Now she was beginning to have second thoughts. What if La Croix were with them? What if they weren't asleep? Kathy pushed the thoughts from her head. She had done difficult things before. She was a working mother. She had toilet trained two small boys. She could do anything! The night manager gave her the room number without too much difficulty. Leave it to Karies to stay in a dump like this thought Kathy as she made her way to the room. Kathy peered in the room. In the darkness she could make out one still form in the bed. Perfect. There was the bike parked next to the bed. Using a credit card Kathy quietly jimmied open the lock. She may be a respectable Labor&Delivery nurse now but she wasn't about to let her teenage years as a juvenile delinquent go to waste. The room reeked of alcohol and stale cigarettes. Nick's bike was there. There were indentations in the carpet next to it, whoever else had been here had taken the second bike and gone out. She could be back at anytime. Quickly Kathy removed the contents of the package she had been carrying. 5 laptops, donated by her fellow Knighties for this project. She set them up quietly and placed a low slung chair in the middle. Karies snored away, oblivious to the movement around her. She really must have tied one on earlier. With some difficulty Kathy managed to hoist Karies into the chair and tie her hands. She was just beginning to wake. UHHHHH Karies eyes flew open. "Kathy, what? What are you doing?" "You'll see soon enough." Kathy dialed a number on the cellular phone she was carrying "Go ahead, start sending." The five screens sprung to life. : ) :( :> :< :-) :-/ :-| :-0 :-c |-( :-# :=) :-% :-'| :-{ :-[ :- { :- } :-D ::-( ::-) :- 6 : -e :-p 8-) 8-( Karies shrieked at the horror of what she was seeing. "Not emoticons, anything but emoticons." "What about the second season tapes I sent you. I introduced you to the UF. Doesn't that count for anything?" Karies hissed at Kathy. "It counts, to a point. But you tricked me into betraying the Knighties. I can't allow that. The barrage of emoticons will continue until you tell me what you were doing in the loft today and return the things you took. And until you tell me who you were with." The high level of alcohol in Karies blood and the onslaught from the screens were taking their toll. "OK, OK." I give. We took the bike. He never uses it anyway. And his platinum credit card. It is in my bag. That and some letters, thats all I swear." "What about the Black Buddha?" "Lesl... I mean Loose Cannon has it, I swear" "Hmmmm Leslie Grant Smith. You feelings for her are strong. Now you have betrayed....". No wait wrong show. "I knew that signature was familiar, we'll deal with her later." Kathy grabbed the credit card from Karies bag. She packed up the 5 laptops. She wasn't about to create another security breech and leave anything behind. Kathy turned just as she was leaving. She tossed a pair of cow print boxers into Karies lap. "Give those to your boss." If she wasn't such a newbie she probably would have noticed the smirk on Karies face. Kathy roared off into the darkness on Nick's bike. ********************************************************************* KEEPING ME ALIVE (01/02) or "The Irresponsible Vaquera vs. That #$%&*, Janette" by Bonnie Pardoe (Vaquero) Thursday, August 1st, ~ 3 am (follows "Vachon in Udders?") Vachon's Church ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As they were returning to the church from their trek across the city with Vachon dressed it that udderly ridiculous cow costume, Bonnie noticed an bulletin attached to the church's chain-link fence. She stuffed the paper in her back pocket, her mind too fully occupied with thoughts of revenge against "Sweet" Cousin Cherri. \\It will be so simple to add another page to the Vaquero web site! Mahahahaha!\\ Later, once Bonnie was safely tucked away on *her* couch in Vachon's basement, she pulled the flyer out of her pocket and finally read it over: "You are hereby notified that this breach of your deal means you will not receive said crates this week." Bonnie was furious. Yes, she had missed work, \\but this had been an emergency! They can't dock my pay! Vachon needs his blood!\\ There was a red envelope paper-clipped to the notice, which she unceremoniously tore into. She withdrew a folded piece of notepaper which simply said: "Bonnie, under the circumstances, I sincerely hope you stop sharing a room with him. C." "Cynthia!" Bonnie sighed heavily. \\Say, how did she know...? Ah, silly me. This *is* Cynthia -- she know *everything*!\\ Bonnie closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. She had to call the Raven. She had to speak to Janette and try to straighten this out. She grabbed Vachon's cell phone off a nearby crate, then dialed the number for the Raven and asked for Janette. "Ms. DuCharme? This is Bonnie Pardoe. I am *so* sorry about tonight." There was silence on the other end of the line. Bonnie continued, "There was an emergency here and this is the first chance I have had to get to a phone." Still silence. "I'm very sorry for this terrible inconvenience. I swear it will never happen again." "Well..., I suppose it couldn't be help, hmm? If you can make it to work tonight by 10pm, we shall forget the whole thing, no?" "Yes. I'll be there! Don't worry. Does this mean that you're not going to dock my pay after all?" "Don't be silly. You missed a night of work; you must deal with the consequences." "Please, Ms. DuCharme. The blood is not for me, it's for Vachon. Can't we work something out?" "No, my dear, I'm afraid not. You will simply have to take responsibility for your actions. I will expect to see you tonight, Ms. Pardeaux. Adieu." Janette broke the connection. \\Now what do I do?\\ She ran her fingers through her short, curly locks. She was extremely tired and was having trouble concentrating, despite the increase in her blood pressure. \\Maybe I can find another supplier. Yeah! If I can do that then no one will have to know what's happened.\\ Bonnie had taken on the responsibility of supplying Vachon with blood and she wasn't going to let either Torrey or Vachon down. \\They have enough to deal with without adding this to the pile. Besides, it wouldn't be good for morale to have the Vaqueros worrying that Vachon's looks of lust may soon be turning to blood-lust.\\ She knew that to set up a reliable, constant supply of human blood would not be easy. At the moment, she could hardly see straight let alone think straight. \\Sleep. Then I'll figure this out.\\ She slipped out of her tennies, then stripped off her t-shirt and jeans. She pulled on the over-sized white t-shirt she always slept in, then crawled into her make-shift bed on the world's-most-comfortable sofa. Suddenly she thought of Cynthia's note. \\Perhaps it would be wise to sleep elsewhere.\\ She lay still for a moment and listened for the barely audible sounds of the Vaqueros upstairs. \\I'll never get a decent night's sleep if I go up there.\\ She sighed heavily, then thought of the daunting task which lay ahead. \\Screw it, I'm staying. At least for now.\\ Amazing what a little sleep deprivation can do to one's instinct for self-preservation. ********************************************************************* The Cotton Candy Caper (Part 1/?) By: Lisa Prince, Ther Mercenary Cousin with input from Erin, Kira, Dawn & John. Permission from Laura (soulseeker) to use the N&NPackers at this time. Time: Thursday early morning (Takes place before "They Can't Be Monkeys! Where are Their Wings?") Place: Basement, Merc Central, 2:00 a.m. Lisa went searching for John and his Ratpack. According to their plans, he was supposed to meet her in the utility room with Screed and the Ratpack. Ducking into the darkened utility room, Lisa was brought to a rather abrupt halt. The odor in the room brought stinging tears to her eyes. \\Gas masks\\ she thought to herself, \\definitely gas masks.\\ Plastering a smile to her face, she flipped on the light switch. The sight that greeted her was enough to make an average person think that they had stepped into a really bad horror film. There were rats everywhere. They swarmed over the floors and walls. The ceiling was thick with them and there were a few hanging precariously from the light fixture right above Lisa's head. \\Please, by everything Mercenary-like, don't let them pick now to have to go to the bathroom\\ she thought to herself. In the center of the room were two human figures entirely covered by rats except for their faces. John smiled happily at Lisa. Screed walked up to her with his customary wink and grin, and then placed a disgustingly slobbery kiss on her hand. She was thrilled that he had chosen her hand rather than her cheek, or God-forbid, her lips . Lisa shuffled forward, attempting not to squash any of John's little friends. She was a bit of an animal rights fanatic and as such would do just about anything to avoid hurting an animal, even if it happened to be a rat. Reaching John, she said with a smile, "I'm really glad that you both were available to help out." Ya', ahun, yup, yup," John replied with a nod, while Screed said, "Yah, fun for Screedy. Les' go fer i' buby-cacks." Raising an eyebrow just like LaCroix was wont to do in situations like this, she asked John, "You're sure your little friends are going to be able to pull this off." "Definitely," John said. Looking around at the assembled masses, he grabbed Lisa's arm and said, "Here, let me introduce you to everyone." "That's Anthony, Amy, Albert, Alfonzo, Anna, Andrea, Alexander and Alexandra, they're twins, and that Antonio, Addy, Agatha ..." John said in rapid suscesion as he pointed to various little critters. After glancing around at the multitude of rats, Lisa groaned inwardly. \\Please don't let him introduce me to them all by name. Please, please, please, please\\ she thought to herself. Outloud, she asked, "Maybe you could introduce them to me as we go? We've got some people waiting." "Okay," John replied happily and resumed, "that's Barbara, Barry, Bartholomew, Beetlejuice, Bob and Bob and Bob, Bill, Betty, Boopster ..." John kept a running commentary of names going as the trio and the pack walked back to Lisa's quarters. Not wanting to have several thousand rats hanging out in her room, Lisa asked, "Since it's going to be kind of tight in there with all those people, maybe we should have the pack wait in the hall for you." Screed replied, "Righto, matey," and gave her a brotherly punch in the arm. John just kept pointing out and introducing his little rat friends. "Cathy, Christie, Charles, Chucky, Christopher, Callie, Crystal, Chester ..." Lisa could see the Mercs that she had gotten to help with this job waiting for her in front of her door. Picking up the pace of her steps while still avoiding squashing anyone, she rushed to meet them. Hurrying to keep from falling behind, John called out even faster, "Darryl, Doug, Dorothy, Dagmar, Dogbert, Deborah ..." Seeing the group approach, the assembled Mercs edged a little closer together. Erin leaned over to Kira and whispered, "She wasn't kidding when she said you had better not have a problem with rats if you wanted this job." "I thought we were going to be doing something that might require running into a few rats, but this is kind of ridiculous," Kira replied. "Shhhhh," Dawn snapped. "They're going to hear you, and I, personally, would rather not have a couple of thousand rats mad at me." While this conversation was going on, Berg had leaned down to pick up a couple of the little fellows and was talking to them while scratching their ears. Sensing a fellow rat-lover, John latched onto Berg, pointed at the rats in his hand and said, "That's Electra, Egor, and Elton." Beginning to point to the rats surrounding them, he said, "That's Frank, Freda, Francine, Francesca, Fred, Fluffernutter, Farfagnugan, Frankenfurter ..." Unlocking the door, Lisa ushered her guests inside. "John? John! JOHN!!!!" The Ratpacker looked up quickly with a rather blank look on his face and asked, "Wha'?" "Would you and Berg like to join us to go over the plans or would you like me to find another pack of rats to do this job?" she snapped. \\It's two o'clock in the morning, for chrissakes, I don't think I can take much more of this\\ she thought to herself as she turned and headed into the main room of her suite. "Remember," she called over her shoulder, "the little guys need to wait out here." John bent down to talk to his troops for a minute, Berg put down his new found friends and went to join the others. John followed quickly. Walking into the room where the others were waiting, Lisa found Screed discussing the rumbley-tumbley with Kira, Dawn, and Erin. The trio looked decidedly uncomfortable. Kira actually looked as if she was about to toss her cookies. Dawn and Erin were just staring at him as if he were something gross stuck to the bottom of their shoes. Lisa decided to save them all from Screed's running commentary. Biting back a laugh, she said, "Thank you all for being so prompt. I assume everyone knows each other? Just in case, that's Kira, Dawn, Erin, Berg, John, Screed, and the Ratpack is waiting in the hallway. As she turned towards the board were the plans were laid out, a flash of something bright caught her eye. Turning to Erin with frown, she asked, "Are those ... flourscent ... pink ... socks?" Erin flushed bright red and stammered, "Well ... they ... they ... they stole all our socks and by the time I got to the store to get some replacements this was all they had left." "They *stole* your socks?" Lisa asked incredulously. "Why on Earth would someone want to steal your socks? Undies I can understand, but socks? Oh, forget it, I don't think I really want to know." With a sigh Lisa grabbed several packages, one for each Mercenary. After showing everyone proof that payment would be forecoming at the end of the job -- a certificate for discounts on moving expenses for Dawn; a case of Sno-Balls for Erin; a black, long-haired, Lab/Chow puppy safely entrenched in a box for Kira; a gift certificate to the Merc Chocolate Shoppe for Berg; a couple of bottles of rat blood for Screed; and an autographed picture of the KISS guys signed to Kathy for John, his wife really just loved those guys; Lisa got down to the business planned for the night. "Okay," she said, "here's what we're going to do ..." ********************* to be continued in part 2 ********************* ********************************************************************* Night of the Living Emoti-spammed (01/01) By Gehirn Karies and Leslie GrantSmith, Cousins Thursday 8/1, 2:15 AM After "Revenge of the Emoticon (02/02)" ~~The dingy roadside motel~~ Thanks to Mostly Lurkin' Kathy Whelton, Knightie. Karies listened to the sound of Nick's bike rumbling off into the night with some measure of regret. She had known someone would come after it eventually. Leave it to Kathy to be prompt. She would have liked at least one more day with it. After an eye-opening shower, she lit a cigarette and was in deep contemplation of nothing tangible when she heard the sound of her cell phone bleating. "Yo." "Yo ho. Those gals forgot to leave the keys to the Voyager." "Oh, frolic. `Kay, I'll come down to the Raven with the spare as soon as I can nab a cab. Oh, Nick's bike is out of our hands." "That was quick, huh?" "Yeah. Kathy's very energetic, very determined." She chuckled, "And she was peeved." Karies squirmed. "Why'd you leave that note? I didn't like ratting you out. I'd rather of taken the heat myself." "I'll take my own heat, thank you. Nick can have the little guy back whenever he wants him, `cuz I sure don't want him. I just wanted to make sure the thang was ... muffled up. So, what was it?" "Emoticons," Karies replied, smiling wickedly. "Oooh, nasty. She really went for your weak spot, there." "Man o' Man, it was brutal. She had *five* laptops. I was emoti- spammed. I caved." "Dude," Leslie commiserated. "She got everything?" "Yeah, yeah, sure ... everything." And the two Cousins smiled. **** Karies found a cab with astounding ease, and getting in, noticed the cabby looked a bit familiar. Too tired to puzzle it out, she closed her eyes. When the cab pulled over and stopped, she opened her eyes and found herself in front of her apartment. In Massachusetts. The cabby, an authoritative looking Asian woman with shoulder length black hair, got out of the cab and proceeded to enter Karies' building. After staring after her in shock, the Cousin scrambled out of the car and chased the woman up the stairs. She entered her apartment, the door wide open and found herself watching herself sitting on the couch watching Forever Knight. The Loft scene from "The Fix". Over and over again, eventually slipping off the couch to the floor, laughing hysterically. It takes a lot to stop watching yourself, but eventually Karies managed to do so and turned to the cabby, demanding, "What is this? Who are you? What do you want from me?" "I am the ghost of FK past." "That's nice, bye." "Not yet," she said. "Look, your answering machine is blinking. You haven't answered it in days-" "Don't--" Too late, the woman hit the message button and the room was filled with messages from friends and family demanding Karies stop obsessing over that obscure Vampire Cop show and return to reality. Karies' shoulders drooped. She was alone in the FK universe back then, unaware of the alternate reality only an updated computer away. But she was happy, in the midst of the joyous second season episodes. "There are tears in your eyes." "That- that's because the house is ... so clean ... I think I got orange oil in my eye." "Oh yes, you had a cleaning service back then. Now you spend that money on Internet charges, cable TV and fanzines." "So, I'm FKed, what's your point?" "I'll get right to the point, Knight, The IA report came down--" "*What?*" "Uhm ... I had a point, where did I put it?" "Look, Mandy, I'm out of here." The cab screeched to a halt in front of the Raven, jerking Karies from her dream. Shaking her head vigorously to clear it of the images, she paid the cabby and got out. She found Leslie standing outside the front door of the club, hands shoved deep into her front pockets, her lips curled in a bemused smile as she watched the patrons come and go. "Did anybody seem to spot the bike yet?" "Yeah, I think so. Look, Karies, no use letting such a good parking space go to waste." "You're always thinking." They walked by Vachon's bike, the faint odor of the handmade paper wafting out of an envelope attached to the handlebars.... Leslie was so good at writing apologies. ~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~ The dingy motel, just after 12:15 AM. Thurs. "Okay, thanks guys. Huh? No! Don't even think of cleaning out my car." Karies snapped her phone shut. "So we agree, we'll leave Vachon's bike at the Raven?" "Mmmh," Karies agreed scoffing down some cappuccino. "With confirmation that he really is alive, we're better off without it. Nick is a piece of cake. Vachon could, like, get too close to us. Eeeew, I'm skeeving just thinking about that furry little guy." "Hmmmn, I wonder if he looked any better with short hair?" Leslie's eyes glazed over momentarily, glancing past her sugar glazed honey bun. Karies shook her head in disgust. "Where's that lovely handmade paper we made, Karies? I want to write a nice letter of apology." ~~~~~~~~~~~~end o' flashback. A couple warped hours later the two Cousins slid out of the Raven and stood on the sidewalk studying each other with drunkenly intense concentration. "I'm Ger-Camming," Karies declared, "and you look like you've got Divia Vision. We better leave the Voyager and take a cab back to the motel." "Mmmmpht." The Cousins piled in the cab and it blasted off before Karies noticed the reeking odor of souvlaki. The driver looked very familiar ... that green shirt ... that tie.... "Oh no ... not again. I didn't even have a TAB and vodka. I thought that whole movie was a result of TAB and vodka induced hallucination." The cab screeched to a halt in front of Nick's Loft. It was mostly dark, something shifted, and the two Cousins found themselves in the Loft right in the thick of it, as LaCroix, delusional, muttered about peaches and jewels. Obviously his mind was not on the problem at hand. He was closer to the realms where the two Cousins' minds tended to dwell. Leslie stood silent, rocking gently, face set and stunned. "I can't watch this, Schanke," Karies protested. "I can't see him kill Nickie." Suddenly their little corner of the loft grew dark, as they were surrounded by cassettes of every movie ever mentioned in Nick and Nat fan fiction. The tapes spilled from their cases and hung down like slithering vinyl curtains. Whirling and filling the corner with a sickening sense of platonic love. The ghost picked up Nick's microwave, opened the door and endless popcorn rained over the Cousins. "What the $#@&?" "Repeat after me," the ghost started. "It can't end like this. The ending is ambiguous. Nick wins, you see, he wins!" Karies snickered. "Androgynous? Who?" Leslie asked, flicking a piece of popcorn out of her ear, looking totally confused. Karies fell to her knees laughing. Coming to when the cab stopped, Karies swore, "I'm not taking any more cabs in Toronto, I'm not going off with the ghost of FK future, I won't be thrown into that endless void, that empty box, I won't watch my own suicidally ravished body be lowered into the flame in an earthwise cardboard casket, I won't be trapped in the horror of re- runs and bickering and--" "What are you blathering about?" "The cabbies, the GHOSTS. Schanke, Amanda, the ghosts." "The what? Get in, Karies, before those psychotic cats get out. Then Toronto will really be in jeopardy." ********************************************************************* The Cotton Candy Caper (2/3) By: Lisa Prince, The Mercenary Cousin Place: The Merc Van driving down the streets of Toronto. Time: 2:30 a.m., Thursday, August 1st (I think I forgot that on that first post) After briefing everyone on their roles for the night, Lisa had sent Screed and John with the Ratpack. They would travel to the rendevouz point by way of the sewers. There was just no other way to get that many rats to the house without attracting a lot of unwanted attention. She wasn't a modern day Pied Piper afterall. Just like before any job, Lisa's mind went through the details over and over again. She sat in the passenger seat of the van trying desperately to make sure that nothing was forgotten, no important point missed, no requirement of the job undone. Berg drove as quickly as the speed limit would allow. They didn't want to get pulled over for speeding, especially considering the nature of their cargo. Kira, Dawn, and Erin were in the back making sure that all the equipment was in working order and also keeping an eye on the huge pink roll that was strapped to the top of the van. Their eyes were continually drawn to the roll. It was *huge*. They could not imagine that they would actually make it to their destination without attracting police attention. Lisa had assured them that the Toronto P.D. were not going to be concerned with a van that was hauling what appeared to be insulation. Looking over at Lisa, Kira asked, "If you don't mind my asking ... where exactly did you get all of this cotton candy?" Brought back to the present by the question, Lisa looked back at Kira with a wicked grin and said, "You really don't want to know. But, let's just say that there are several establishments in Toronto that are going to be short on refreshments tomorrow." "Ummm," mumbled Dawn, "what's in the tank with the sprinklers?" "*That*," Lisa replied while cackling evilly, "is our secret weapon. It's the latest rage in perfume. Just don't forget to bring your gas masks out there with you." Turning to Berg, she said, "That's it just up ahead. Pull over here." ******************** to be concluded in part 3 ******************** ********************************************************************* The Cotton Candy Caper (3/3) By: Lisa Prince, The Mercenary Cousin Time: Approximately 2:45 a.m., Thursday, August 1st Place: Outside of the house where the Nick&NatPackers are staying The group sitting inside the parked van was getting a little nervous. Being Mercs, they really didn't like to wait, and they had been waiting for at least 5 minutes and there was still no sign of Screed, John, and the Ratpack. "Maybe they got lost," whispered Erin as the minutes continued to tick by. "No," Lisa replied, "they have detailed maps and directions through the sewer to this place. There's no way that they could have gotten lost." \\I hope.\\ Just then, loud, horrific singing erupted from the sewer grate right next to the van. Berg jumped out of the driver's side door, looked down into the sewer grate and shouted, "Shut up! Do you want them to hear you?!?" The women in the van stared at him in annoyance and quite a bit of trepidation. Lisa smacked her hand to her forehead and said in an angst-ridden, whiny voice, "I don't *believe* this. Why don't we just start waving a sign saying, 'Suspicious characters here, please arrest us.'" Meanwhile, Kira had jumped out of the van grabbed Berg, placed a hand over his mouth and yanked him back inside the van. Searching the houses along the street, she turned to Lisa and said, "All clear, no lights flipped on." "Well," Lisa replied, "if these people are anything like my mother, they're standing behind their curtains, peeking through, with the lights off. Let's give it a few minutes." So, at approximately 3:00 a.m., the team slinked quietly out of the van, moved over to the sewer grate and motioned for the rest of their helpers to come up. Lisa thought she heard a mumbled "Abut rumpy-bumpy tim'" float up from the recesses of the sewer as the grate was shoved to the side and John, Screed and the rats poured forth. Going around to the back of the van, Lisa pulled out the headsets which would keep the team in contact with each other through the entire operation. The first thing that Screed wanted to know was whether or not he would get to keep his -- definite pawn shop material. After being assured that he could do whatever he wanted with it as long as the job went off without a hitch, Screed was happily playing with the little device. Lisa shook her head at the child-like glee that Screed exhibited with his new toy and then began pulling long lengths of wire cable and various devices out of the van. Each time she pulled something out, one of the team would come forward grab it, make sure it was in working order, and hook it onto their mercenary uniforms. Because she couldn't get it out all by herself, everyone climbed into the van and worked to get the huge vat of cologne out. Unfortunately, the lid opened slightly as they worked. The inside of the van erupted with coughing and swearing. "Ewwww," Erin groaned "Grossssss," Dawn complained. "*What* is that *smell*?!?" Berg bellowed. Lisa hurried to reseal the lid. Looking around at the assembled party, she said solemnly, "I think now might be a good time to double-check your gas masks." Each put on their mask and then opened the vat and took a deep breath. Since now of them reacted, it was obvious that the masks were working properly. So, they closed up the vat and put their masks away for when they would need them later. While the Mercs were busy doing that, Lisa talked quietly with Screed and John about what she wanted them and the rats to do. Once everyone was rigged up and geared properly, Lisa pointed everyone in the right direction and the team went to work. Kira and Dawn were each sent to a telephone pole -- luckily the house was placed in such a way that there was a telephone pole by each corner of the front yard. Using those funny little things that strapped around the pole and their bodies, each Merc shimmied quickly up to the top of the poles. Meanwhile, Screed picked up Berg and Erin and deposited them on the roof. The pair quickly connected the giant eyehole screws to the edge of the roof with super-quick-drying-cement. Once that was done, they waited. The Mercs on the telephone poles brought out the long length of wire that Lisa had provided for them, they wrapped one end around the top of the poles and secured them, then each gave an end to Screed so that he could run the cable over to the roof of the house where Berg and Erin were waiting. On the ground, John and Lisa were struggling to bring the huge roll of cotton candy over to the yard. Though they tried their best to keep it from getting all over them, by the time they had it positioned in front of the house and ready for Screed to roll out along the wires, they were covered from head to toe in little tufts of cotton candy. Screed had finished carrying the wire to the Mercs on the roof, so he returned to were John and Lisa were waiting with the cotton candy. "Wha' yew wan's me ta da wit' dat agin?" Screed asked. Lisa replied, "Carry it up to the wires, lay it across them like a big bed roll and then unroll it until you hit the roof." Screed grabbed the cotton candy and did as he had been instructed. While he was back by the roof, he grabbed Berg and Erin and deposited them on the sidewalk by Lisa and John. Each carried a small remote control that they would use to detonate a charge that would destroy the clamps holding the wires up and allow the cotton candy to fall onto their prey. Kira and Dawn had climbed down from the poles by this time and were picking pieces of cotton candy off of John and Lisa. Of course, it was extremely sticky stuff, so each time they took a swab of it off, they would have to flick their hands and fingers around trying to get it off of themselves. Unable to restrain herself, Erin reached out and grabbed a puff that was sitting on the end of Lisa's nose. She popped the piece into her mouth. "I just love cotton candy. Yummy," she said with a smile as she closed her eyes and rubbed her tummy. Looking up, Erin realized that Lisa was being restrained by Kira and Dawn. At that point, she decided it might be better if she didn't mention her love of cotton candy for a while. Lisa shook off the restraining Mercs and said, "I'm all right. I'm all right. Now, that N&NPacker guard is obviously snoozing. I was watching her through the night vision goggles and she hasn't moved an inch since we got here. That along with the open book on her lap leads me to believe that she's been reading that sappy garbage poetry these N&NPackers like so much and dozed off. I do believe it's time to wake them up." The group began to cackle wickedly as John loosed his Ratpack. Hearing the alarms start to sound almost immediately, the team of Mercs backed off a bit to watch and wait for the ensuing chaos. Lisa nodded to Dawn who took off at a run along the side of the yard. Lisa watched as Dawn took up a position that would allow her to sneak unnoticed into the front door of the N&NPacker's place when they came running out. ************* Inside of the N&NPackers place, Kelly was running from monitor to monitor screaming, "We're under attack! Alarm! Alarm! We're under attack! Help! Somebody! Help!" Within seconds, a large group of N&NPackers had formed. All were wearing their pajamas and looked extremely unhappy at having been so rudely awakened. Laura stumbled into the room and said, "What, for the love of Nick and Natalie, is going on?" "I don't know," sobbed Kelly, "I was on guard duty just like I was supposed to be and then all of a sudden everything went crazy." Taking a look at the book in Kelly's hand, Laura gave her a stern glare and mumbled sarcastically, "Umhm, I'm sure." "Look!" Idalia said, "the heat and motion sensors are going nuts. There's a bunch of people out there." Then, in a flash, the monitors went dead. "Come on," shouted Tina, "let's check it out! Nobody attacks us and gets away with it." "Yeah," agreed Kris, "they're going to get away! Hurry up!" With that, the N&NPackers raced out the door and into the front yard. **************** While the N&NPackers were being so rudely awakened, John was being placed in a harness that Screed would use to suspend him above the N&NPackers and spray them with the cologne. "Hurry up," Lisa hissed, "we'll only get one chance at this. Everyone, masks on NOW!" Kira and Erin were positively bouncing with glee waiting for the mayhem to begin. They reached for their masks as they bounced. With a huge smile on her face, Erin turned to Lisa and said, "This is great. I would have done this for nothing." Looking shocked, Lisa replied, "Don't say things like that. The Merc Mommy General wouldn't like that." Putting on her gas mask, Lisa turned her attention back to the scene that was about to unfold in front of her. With chagrin, Erin said, "Sorry, I'm still kind of new at all of this," and then put on her gas mask and began rubbing her hands together in anticipation. Just as Screed and John were settled in and rising above the canopy of cotton candy, the N&NPackers exploded out of their front door and onto the lawn. Soon as they cleared the door, Dawn dashed inside. "Now!" Lisa shouted as loudly as possible to Berg and Erin. Trying to make herself heard though the gas masks which had an the annoying side-effect of obscuring voice and hearing. With simultaneous miniature explosions, the cotton candy dropped like a quilt onto the N&NPackers. ****************** "Hey!" said Laura who's voice was muffled by the blanket of pink cotton candy, "who turned out the lights?" All around her, her fellow N&NPackers were thrashing about trying to work their way out from under the two foot thick covering of cotton candy. But, before they had a chance to regroup, Screed and John began pumping out Ode de Screed cologne. The pungent cologne rained over the cotton candy and onto the N&NPackers. The extra liquid caused the candy to melt quicker then it would have otherwise, so before long the N&NPackers were covered in a pink, gooey, smelly mess. ******************** After snapping a few pictures with a Polaroid to give to her boss, Lisa gathered up the laughing, gas-mask protected, Mercs and headed back to the van. Glancing behind her to check for Dawn, Lisa was relieved to see her dashing as quickly as possible over the cotton candy-covered yard while attempting not to step on any of the big pink covered humps that indicated a N&NPacker. Once back in the van and de-masked, Dawn caught her breath enough to ask, "How long does that cologne last?" With a wicked grin that looked entirely too ridiculous considering the fact that she was still fairly well covered in cotton candy, Lisa replied, "Oh, only for around a day or two." Then, Lisa leaned over and whispered to Dawn, "Did you get it?" With a grin, Dawn flashed the little card at Lisa before shoving it back in her pocket. Patting the back of the driver's seat, Lisa said to Berg, "Let's go, we're out of here." As they pulled up to Merc Central and headed inside, the group was still laughing. Those Mercs who were hanging out in the main room wanted to know what was so funny, so the group spent the next hour repeating the story of their job against the N&NPackers to anyone who was interested in listening. In the midst of all the merriment, nobody noticed when Lisa slipped out of the room. She went down into the basement to wait for the arrival of Screed, John, and the Ratpack. She had to make sure that all of her people had made it before she would be willing to relax. She sat there absent-mindedly pulling pieces of cotton candy off of her clothing as she waited. Shortly, John and Screed popped in through the utility room entrance, gave her a wave to indicate that they were fine, and headed for John's room and who only knows what kind of mayhem. Smiling to herself, Lisa let herself into her room and headed straight for the shower. \\Cotton candy is just *not* good for your complexion or your hair.\\ ******************* The end ******************* ********************************************************************* What is This Stuff? 1/3 by Arletta Asbury (g4akl@erols.com) and the N&NPack Thursday August 1/96 2:50am Directly following The Cotton Candy Caper 3/3 "What is it?" Jenn asked. "I don't know," Laura answered, "but it's gooey and smelly and yukky." She shivered in revulsion. But no one could see her shiver because, she like the rest of of them, was just a large pink lump on Susan's lawn. Arletta came to stand in the open doorway of the house. She alone among all the N&NPackers had remained indoors. Her bad back had prevented her from racing outside as fast as the others had done when the alarms had sounded. Because of her handicap, it took her much longer to climb out of bed, or out of her sleeping bag in this case, than the rest of them and because of that fact she stood looking out at an unbelievable sight. "Laura?" Arletta questioned. "Who's that?" Laura answered. "What happened?" "Never mind that! Help us!" "What do you want me to do?" Arletta asked. 'That was a very good question,' thought Laura. 'What could she do about this?' Finally Laura was able to stand up and clear enough of the goo out of her eyes to actually see again. She was almost sorry that she had. The sight was one she wouldn't soon forget. All of the N&NPackers (except for Arletta) were rising to their feet or else just trying to stand while covered with the most digusting goo imaginable. People were stumbling into each other because they couldn't see properly. Mel, her second in command, stumbled over to her side annd said, "What do we do now?" Laura shook her head and said, "I guess we try to clean up." Susan, whose guests they all were, headed for her front door and then stopped. "Wait a minute. We can't go inside now. This stuff would get all over my carpets, the walls, everywhere." "We have to take a shower, NOW! Never mind your carpets. Sheesh!" John remarked. "Hey, they're not YOUR carpets," Susan replied hotly. "Susan's right," Laura said, "but how can we clean up if we can't get to the shower?" Susan thought for a moment then replied, "There's a garden hose out back that's connected to an outside faucet. Maybe if we all rinse off, we'll leave the worst of it outside." "A garden hose connected to an outside faucet? That's COLD water," Kelly whimpered. "I think I'd keep quiet if I was you," warned Idalia ,"Whose fault do you think all of this is, anyway?" "Come on," Susan said and led the way to the back yard and the COLD rinse. "Oh, a hot tub. I'd forgotten about that," Jenn said. "No you don't. This stuff would foul up the inner workings of it. You know the electronics and all the bubble making parts." "She's worried about the bubble making parts!" John said in a disgusted tone of voice. "No stay out of it, all of you. I have a plan and I think we'll need it intact. In fact, John why don't you start emptying it now. "What? Are you nuts?" he asked Laura. "Just do as I say." "Arletta! Where is she? Never around when you need her!" Laura grumbled. "Here I am," Arletta answered from the back doorway. She was trying real hard to surpress the giggles. This was too funny. But she knew if she started she'd never be able to stop. And the rest of them would NEVER speak to her again. "What do you want." "I want you to stop standing around and help! Go inside and find my purse. Take the money from my wallet. ALL of the money. Do the same with Mel's purse and any others that you can see." She turned to Susan and said, "Susan, where are your car keys?" "On the pegboard just inside the back door," she answered wondering where this was leading. Turning back to Arletta, Laura continued, "When you have the money, get the car keys. I want you to go shopping." "Shopping? Now?" "Yes, this smell isn't going to go away with a shower. I think we'll need tomato juice. LOTS of tomato juice." "Tomato juice?" Arletta asked. Then realization dawned. "How much tomato juice?" "As much as you can buy with our money. Enough to fill the hot tub," Laura answered. "But my hot tub!" Susan said. "Be Quiet!" Laura snapped. "Just do as I say, everyone, okay?" "Okay," Arletta said meekly. She was relieved to be away from the smell eminating from her fellow N&NPackers and promply hurried about her assigned task. Laura turned back to Susan. "Where's that garden hose? Let's get started on this." Just then the menagerie of dogs and cats brought by the N&NPackers discovered the door left open by Arletta. They ran happily outside and began sniffing each of them in turn. Not quite sure what to make of the funny smell most of the cats backed off. But the dogs sensed candy and started licking various people. "Ooh, yuk. Get away from me," Kris said to one of the dogs. "Inside," Susan commanded one of the dogs to no avail. Various N&NPackers began dodging the assorted dogs and began running in circles with the dogs chasing them. The dogs would have won but Susan finally turned on the water and began squirting both dogs and people with it. The dogs ran back into the house tracking muddy pawprints all over the floors. Susan screamed and started to run inside again but stopped in time as she realized that the dog's muddy pawprints were cleaner than she was at that moment. John picked up the garden hose that Susan had dropped and held it as each of the N&NPackers, in turn, received a VERY COLD shower from it. Most of them shrieked or screamed as the cold blast of water hit them but a few bore it stoicly in silence. This garden hose shower helped in that most of the excess goo was removed by it. Carrie, who was the first one thru it, headed inside for a hot shower in the bathroom. Mel who had been second thru the garden hose followed her indoors and headed for the second bathroom. Everyone else followed suit. Lining up inside for one or the other of the bathrooms with their blissfully hot showers. What seemed an eternity later, Kevin rapped on the door of the first bathroom and said, "What's taking you so long? Hey we're cold and wet out here and we need a shower too." "Not as cold as you'd be if you'd waited outside and spared my floors any further insult," Susan said looking at the rather large wet pools of liquid growing under each of her guests while standing in line. "Umm. I forgot clothes. Kevin, close your eyes," Kris said. "What? Oh, okay," Kevin said blushing. Kris emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a towel and made a dash for her duffel bag. She wasn't really clean, yet. But she was a lot cleaner than she had been a few minutes ago and couldn't stand around in a towel forever. Kevin was shoved into the bathroom by the next person in line and he too took his turn at the hot shower. When he was ready to emerge he asked the females to close their eyes as he made a mad dash for his suitcase. Actually someone was peeking but Kevin never noticed in his rapid towel wrapped streak past them. * * * About half of the N&NPackers had been thru the showers by the time Arletta returned with a car full of tomato juice in cans. Several of the N&NPackers carried the tomato juice cans over to the hot tub while Arletta went inside to fetch as many can openers as she could find. She returned to the others armed with only two openers. "That's all I could find," she said afraid. 'Everyone looked pretty mad by now. Especially at me. Just because I had remained unscathed everyone blamed their predicament on me,' she thought. Aloud she said, "maybe the neighbors have some I could borrow?" Just then the sound of sirens could be heard approaching. Everyone looked up and saw a police car heading their way. ********************************************************************* Morde de Lisa (part 1) Written by Heather Parks With Lisa McDavid, and some anonymous cousins. Thursday 3 am. New Cousin HQ Lisa got herself a Zombie Beachcombers and sat down at a computer. She had barely opened the copy of Netscape when the drink took effect. "What did you put in that thing," Cousin One asked Cousin Two. "Does it matter? she's asleep isn't she," Cousin Two replied "She appears to be." "Well get her off the keyboard so I can work." Thurs 3:30 am South Carolina Airforce base. "We an unauthorized login on carolina.af.mi, Sir." That's when the trouble started. Thurs 3:45 am The US military called the Canadian government after tracing the computer and login to lisa-mcdavid@cerk.com. The ip address was registered to a Toronto radio station. Thurs 4:01 am Stone tree got a call asking them to pick up the user on cerk who was still using the computer cerk. Thurs 4:30 am, Cerk Lisa woke-up for a brief second to see the computer prompt. carolina.af.mi[4:22]> Stonetree asked her name and hand-cuffed her. That was the beginning of Lisa's bad weekend. contintued in part 2 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ I've read too much clancy this week. ********************************************************************* Morde de Lisa (part 2) Written by Heather Parks With Lisa McDavid, Stonetree and some anonymous cousins. Thursday 11 a.m. on way to Interrogation room. Lisa's head was just starting to clear when she was lead to the interrogation room. "Gee, she only had one. I'm too young to be having liver problems." Stonetree was unhappy. "I wish I could say it was good to see you again, Lisa." Lisa tried to look a mixture of calm and sorry for whatever it was they thought she had done. "Me too." "What happened? You promised me that you'd keep the cousins inline. Well, at least out of my hair for the game if I'd let you go. Well, here we are. You broke into a US military computer... " "What," Lisa's head popped up, "listen, I was too drunk last night to break into any computer. I couldn't even do that when I was sober." After seeing her last night Stonetree was tempted to believed her. "Here's some aspirin," looking into Lisa's blood shoot eyes, "You'll going to need it. The US government asked us to hold you till they can pick you up, Monday." "What?" Lisa was dumb founded. "Sorry." Was Stonetree's only response. Thurs. 1 p.m. Cell Who could do this? Lots of people would have but very few people could have. She had called LaCroix but he wouldn't help her. She wanted a drink and some more aspirin. "Damn it," she slammed her hand against the sink. Which did her hand little good. "Your in luck, someone brought you dinner." Sgt. Cobb handed her a sliver plate. "Here." Lisa opened it to find cold lobster, butter sauce, and a little note. Lisa screamed, "Who, Who WHOOOOOOOOOOO!." continued in part three. ********************************************************************* Morde de Lisa (part 3) Written by Heather Parks With Lisa McDavid, Heather Parks, Candice Thurday 10 p. m. It was a slow night at the precinct, most everyone had gone home. The cells were empty except for Lisa's, of course. There was a guard, who fell in and out of conscienceness, guarding her, but he wouldn't talk to her, so she was all alone. Lisa had settled down since this afternoon. She didn't know what had happened, it really didn't seem real. It didn't seem her. She still wasn't thinking clearly the mist came and left at it's own will. Sgt. Cobb couldn't tell her who delivered the Lobster. All she could say was a girl about 20 with reddish hair. Lisa wish she knew what the lobster meant. The guarded started snoring. That's when it happened All Lisa saw was a black glove throw the purple plush toy just out of reach of the cell. The doll started singing. "I love you, you love me...." Over and Over again. When the guard awake at 1 a.m. Friday morning. He heard Lisa's Screams. He called Stronetree and the psych department at the hospital. They looked at poor Lisa and brought her to the hospital for a three-six hour evaluation. Sat. 1 p.m. Toronto County General Hospital Psych Ward "Dr. Chamberlain, do you think see is competent enough for the US to pick her up." "Nope, maybe by Monday but no guarantees." Sat 1 p.m. Cerk HQ "Heather, what did you put in her drink." Candice was screaming at her. "Nothing that would cause her to go crazy like that," Heather tried to sound more confident that she felt. ********************************************************************* What is This Stuff? 2/3 by Arletta Asbury (g4akl@erols.com)and the N&NPack Thursday August 1st 3:20am "Just be grateful the cops had a sense of humor," Laura said. "My neighbors," Susan said shaking her head. "Who would've thought that they'd call the cops just because they heard all that noise coming from my back yard." "Never mind," said Mel. "Just keep opening the cans." "I wonder how they'll write up their report," said Arletta who was standing as far away from her fellow N&NPackers as she could decently manage. Even outdoors and after their showers, the smell coming from the others was still overwhelming. "They did seem to enjoy the thought of a hot tub full of tomato juice," Arletta said, suppressing a giggle. The others just glared at her as they continued opening cans and pouring the contents into the hot tub. It was agonizingly slow with only two can openers. The idea of borrowing any others had been nixed by the cops who'd said leave the neighbors out of this. Aparently, they'd more than likely call the police in again if any one of Susan's guests approached them. They were already uncomfortable with the thought of her having so many house guests. But all that screaming and shrieking had totally freaked out the neighbors. And the N&NPackers were still....rather smelly....with a few traces of goo here and there. They were definately NOT the sort of visitors that Susan's neighbors would appreciate right now. Arletta had volunteered to go back to the store for more can openers but Laura had vetoed that idea, reasoning that they'd be finished opening the cans just about the time that she would return with more openers. Everyone had finished with their showers and they were just standing around waiting by the time the hot tub was finally filled enough to receive its first 'customers'. It was fortunate that the hot tub was not a big one because otherwise they couldn't have gotten enough tomato juice to fill it from a dozen stores. Arletta claimed that it had taken six stores to buy as much as she had. Unfortunately that also meant that only two people would fit into the hot tub at one time. This time John and Idalia were the first ones to try the new bathing experience. Idalia climb gingerly into it and tried to avoid getting her face wet. Jenn noticed that fact and instructed her and everyone else that they had to dunk completely--head and all--in order to get rid of the smell. Idalia took a deep breath and sunk below the surface for a few seconds before bobbing back up. John followed her example and did the same. "I think you need to stay in there for at least a couple of minutes for it to work," Mel offered. "Yeah," Laura agreed, "anyone got a watch?" "No, I left it inside with...." someone began in answer. Just then Laura noticed Arletta's watch. "Arletta, come over here." "Um....I didn't mention my allergies, did I?" Arletta began. "Cans didn't bother me....but well...It's mostly food allergies. Most pollen doesn't really bother me. Well ragweed, but who ISN'T allergic to that....but.." "What are you rambling about," snapped Laura interrupting her in mid ramble, "get over here and start timing us!" "Ah...allergies are tricky....you can't really mess around with them and such a large amount. Skin absorts stuff anyway. And well I don't..." "Shut up, Arletta! And get over here," snapped someone else. "I'm trying to tell you...my all time WORST allergy is.... "What?" "Tomatoes!" finished Arletta finally. "My worst allergy is tomatoes." Everyone groaned. A few N&NPackers started meaningly towards her. Arletta quickly took off her watch and threw it at the closest one as she said, "I think I'd better check into a motel for a couple of days. Just until all the tomato juice is gone." "How do you propose getting to a motel? You're not taking Susan's car and leaving us stranded here" "Maybe someone could call me a cab?" "You're a cab," answered Ray. "I think I can flag one down a couple of streets over," Arletta said as she fled. "Good riddance," Kris said, "her and her 'bad back' and allergies. Did anyone believe a word of that?" "No," mumbled quite a few people. "Never mind her," said Susan. "Just where do you think you're going?" she said to Idalia and John. They had climbed out of the hot tub and were about to go inside for another shower. This time it was to wash off the reside of tomato juice. "You're not going to drip tomato juice all over my floors now!" "What do you suggest....Oh no" John said as he was hit by another blast of cold water from the garden hose. Finally when Susan was satisfied, John and Idalia raced for a hot shower indoors .... again. ********************************************************************* What is This Stuff? 3/3 by Arletta Asbury (g4akl@erols.com) and the N&NPack Thursday August1/96 3:40am When John stepped out of the shower, he realized he'd made one critical mistake. There were no more towels. Susan's supply had long ago been exhausted. And John's knapsack was in another room. He stood, dripping wet, hiding very carefully behind the door as he opened it and peered around. Spotting Heather he said, "Clear a path for me, PLEASE. I'm coming thru.... um......streaking!" "Huh?" Heather said and then understood. She cleared out fast. John made it to his knapsack unseen and hid in a convenient closet while he put on his last set of clean clothes. One set lay buried among all the goo covered ones and another set of his clothes lay forming the beginnings of a new pile of tomato juice covered items. When he emerged from the closet fully clothed, John realized just how really BAD the house smelled from the piles of goo and tomato covered clothes and from his fellow N&NPackers who hadn't yet had the 'full treatment'. He decided to head away from the others towards the front yard of the house. That turned out to be another BIG mistake. "Laura, Susan, could you come around to the front yard, please!" John yelled. Susan who had just entered the house said, "in a minute okay?" She surveyed the huge mound of incredibly disgusting clothes and wondered 'what next'. Heather reappeared and said to Susan, "I guess we'd better do laundry now, huh?" "Not in MY washing machine," Susan replied and she shuddered. "I'll drive some of you to the laundramat later." Susan then crossed the living room and stepped out the front door. She screamed and then nearly fainted. Her once beautiful lawn was now covered in pink goo....except for a few green polka dots here and there where her fellow N&NPackers had been standing at the time IT happened. And the smell was indescribable. Susan realized that she'd been incredibly lucky her downwind neighbors had merely called the police. They could've lynched her! John and Laura were examining one of the goo covered sensors. "It's ruined," John said. "All of them need to be repaired or replaced. Electronic equipment just isn't meant to withstand gooey wet stuff." "Aren't there any left intact?" asked Laura. "Maybe one or two from the sides of the house but not enough to do any good and they're useless without the controller which is also ruined." "How long will it take to get everything back up and running?" questioned Laura "At least a day, maybe two." Laura sat down suddently, with her head in her hands. All the N&NPackers had depended on her. She had let them down. They were now defenseless against the next attack until the equipment and could be repaired and replaced. Then she realized that she was sitting on a goo covered front step. Now she'd have to go thru the cold shower/hot shower/tomato juice bath/cold shower/hot shower process all over again! "Somebody, just shoot me please," Laura said The end ********************************************************************* They can't be monkeys! Where are their wings? (1/4) By Lane Lombardia N&NPacker Headquarters, Toronto Thursday, August 1st, 4am The absurdly generic envelope was delivered by the sort of grey man that intelligence organizations the world over covet. He was so unimpressive that any eyewitness couldn't have picked him out of line if their lives had depended upon it. The envelope, containing a number of 4 by 5 glossies of Nick and Natalie at the Toronto Zoo near the Monkey cages were clearly taken with some manner of low-end flash-equipped camera. That the red-eye effect was more pronounced in Nick, than in Natalie, came as no surprise to anyone who knew about him; but, probably confused the photo-lab. The pictures looked to be quite recent, based upon the style of clothes, and absence of a vest, that Nick was wearing. In the front- left pants pocket, was a small, leather-bound brown book, the sort that people use to contain phone, bank, or other personal numbers when they haven't wised up and gotten themselves a Newton PDA, or a decent PIM for their PowerBook. Included in with the pictures was a handwritten note. It read: I believe I may have something of interest to you. Meet me at the Zoo at 11pm tonight near the Monkey cages. The note was not signed. An analysis of the handwriting would reveal a complex persona, with more than a little arrogance, and a truly warped appreciation for details. ********************************************************************* Spandex, My Ass! by Cousin Tok time: very early morning Thursday, 8/1 place: CERK and the Perkulators' hotel room (CERK) Tok laughed to herself as she assembled the special package for Jamie. There was a box of Frango mints (courtesy of Marshall Field's back home), a cold pack containing two cans of diet Pepsi and a pint of frozen solid Bailey's flavored Haagen-Dazs, and a very special 'alarm'. She was particularly proud of this device. "It's very simple," she explained to Cousin Gandalf, the vamp-kitty. "You remember Jamie -- she was with us for a while in War 5." "Good, then you ought to be able to home in on her with your new powers. When you find her, I want you to deliver this ... umm ... thank-you present to her for her wake-up call Sunday morning." "That's the one. I've rigged this bag so you can carry it easily," Tok said, indicating the canvas tote with the GenCon logo on it. "Once you find Jamie, you leave the bag next to her and pull out the alarm. This is pretty neat, if I do say so myself." Tok giggled softly. "All you have to do is press this button here. Then, at 5:30 AM, she'll be treated to Garth Brooks singing 'Fever' at full volume. It's on continuous loop and h