The Past, Present, and... March 2002 Jarvinia This story is an explanation of some of the events that led to 'Another Knight' but takes place approximately two and a half to three weeks after the end of that story (ie, before 'Pawns of Kings'). It's probably a good idea to have read 'Another Knight' (probably won't make much sense, otherwise), but this story is not needed to understand the later stories, although it does help flesh some things out a bit. Disclaimer: Forever Knight and its characters belong to Sony/Tri-Star. No copyright infringement is intended by the writing of this story. May not be archived without permission (if you would like it, though, please do ask). I would like to thank David for his comments, suggestions and encouragement on this story, and also those who emailed and gave me the idea to write this story! And finally, happy reading! ~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~ The Past, Present, and... (1/3) LaCroix leaned back into his couch, savoring a sip from his glass. The blood was barely enough to calm him. So much had happened over the past year.... He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Nicholas had taken a toll on him ever since that fateful night the younger had nearly killed his Doctor friend. When Nicholas had found his way back to Toronto and into the hands of that meddlesome mortal, he had been enraged that she would dare question any of his actions, particularly those dealing with his son. At the same time, he knew that Nicholas was not responding to him. As such, he had reluctantly done as asked. And now, Nicholas was once again Nicholas. His son had finally put his foolish quest on hold, but it was clear that he was still very much in the mortal world. Despite his attempts to dissuade the younger from returning to work, Nicholas was back among the mortals, playing his little game of 'cop.' It had now been three weeks since his son had officially returned to work. He scoffed, taking another swig of his glass. Nicholas would pay for his decision to return to this city. Something was in the air; he could feel it. The Community had become too carefree since his departure. Within Toronto, only he was fully aware of these changes and what it meant. It would only be a matter of time before things manifested themselves. For now, however, he was merely glad to have Nicholas back. True, his son had certainly not returned to him. Yet, the younger vampire was, at least, back to normal for the first time since all of this had begun. His thoughts again focused on the doctor, recalling the several hours he'd spent with the mortal. She was everything to his Nicholas and she didn't even know it. He turned his mind to her visit to his apartment and the events he had told her of. His words had been more or less true. Yet, when he'd stated the number of times he'd removed Nicholas' memories, he had not mentioned that his first attempt had been a failure, and that he'd had to try again that night. ~~~~~~~~~~ Twelve months previous: LaCroix had tried to get Nicholas' attention after Janette had left the apartment, but it wasn't working. The faint blood bond between them wasn't enough. So, he had decided to wait. As he had gone to the other room, relaxing as best he could, he could feel Janette lingering just outside. Despite no longer having a direct connection with her, he could feel her presence. But it wasn't of his daughter, simply that of another vampire. Janette was Nicholas', and he hated that more than he wished to acknowledge. Becoming more impatient, he had seriously considered going outside and telling her to leave. She didn't agree with what he was planning to do, and he wouldn't allow her to interfere. Several minutes passed, and the presence was suddenly gone. She had left, no doubt knowing that he would not permit her to remain. He suppressed a smile, knowing that even though Janette was now Nicholas', he still had a hold over her, even if it was superficial. He stood, heading back into Nicholas' room. Staring down at his child, he again considered his choices. Nicholas was losing ground on reality everyday. At first, that had merely meant that his son wouldn't pay attention to him. Then, the younger had refused to feed. It didn't matter what he had tried. Whether he handed Nicholas a glass of fresh blood, offered his own, or forced it into the younger vampire's blood stream, the result was the same--refusal. Now, Nicholas was weakening quickly, his body starved of the precious nourishment that it needed to survive. A week ago, his son's presence had begun to quickly fade. In another week, he wondered if he'd even be able to sense Nicholas. Something had to be done while it still could. As such, he had no choice but to take the memories away. They were the instigators of his son's condition, or more precisely, Dr. Lambert was. That mortal had ruined everything. He should have left her to die...but then, he had saved her life in case Nicholas needed the reassurance she was alive. Things had not worked to plan, and now he would lose Nicholas for good if he didn't act. Stepping closer to his son, LaCroix sat on the edge of the bed, staring at Nicholas' eerily relaxed form. He brought his wrist to his mouth, slicing the flesh with his fangs. Then, he placed the wound over his son's lips, letting his blood slowly gather in the younger vampire's mouth. Nicholas didn't swallow, neither had he expected the action. Pulling his son into a sitting position, he leaned Nicholas' head back, letting the blood flow down his throat. From past attempts, LaCroix knew that it would not stay down for long. As he brought Nicholas' head back up, he forced his son to look at him. He hesitated a moment upon seeing the unfocused eyes staring at nothing. LaCroix swallowed, knowing he had to make his attempt soon, before the effects of his blood wore off. Again, he made a cut in his palm, placing it over the one in his son's hand that he had made nearly an hour earlier, the wound still open. This would have to be enough, and he told himself that it would be. "Nicholas...listen to me, Nicholas...." The words did nothing. "Nicolas!" he demanded, slipping back into the French pronunciation, hoping it would help his task. "Écoutez ma voix, mon fils. Écoute moi...." After a repetition of his last commands, LaCroix was rewarded with the barely noticeable glazing of his son's eyes. "You are unwell, mon fils," he began, preparing to change the last several years into one big hallucination. It was all he could do without having more control of Nicholas. It would have to do for now. ***** LaCroix watched the younger vampire carefully. Since tampering with his memories three days ago, Nicholas had woken every night at sunset. At first, his son had been disoriented, but that had mostly passed. His attempts had appeared to be successful. Now, however, he knew something was wrong. Nicholas was presently staring into his glass, its contents not shifting in the slightest. "Drink, Nicholas," he told his son. "It's not right. I don't want this." LaCroix watched as the younger tried handing him the glass. He shook his head, backing away from it. "It is our food. It is what we drink." "Not me." "All of us, you included." The younger vampire shook his head. "No. It's too...I don't know. You have told me that I have been sick, but you have not fully explained it." Nick took a drink from his glass. Although the blood didn't taste bad, quite the contrary, he knew it wasn't right. It might be what his body wanted to drink, but his mind didn't agree. "LaCroix, these hallucinations are real to me. This 'life' I led is a part of my memories." LaCroix carefully kept his thoughts to himself, not sure what state their bond was in. He wasn't sure just how much he had accomplished, but it was clear that he hadn't done a good enough job. "If you allow me, I will remove these dreams of yours. You will have no memory of them." He watched his son tense, the idea clearly not settling with the younger vampire. "It will clear your mind, Nicholas. You will no longer have these inclinations of yours." Nick closed his eyes. LaCroix had done so much to him in the past, and couldn't help but think this was all a part of some elaborate plan. Yet, he did want to be rid of these 'memories' whatever they were. They were clear enough that he could swear they were real, yet they often jumped from one event to another as if they were disconnected. "And what must I do?" "Come here." The younger vampire stood and did as asked, coming to stop a few feet from LaCroix. "You must clear your mind of everything. Then, you will submit your will *entirely* to me." Nick stiffened, not sure he could do that. He started to pull away as LaCroix took his hand, but his sire easily prevented his retreat. He momentarily closed his eyes as LaCroix sliced each of their palms with his fangs, and then pressed the two wounds together. As their blood mingled, he could feel their bond leap to life. "Now, look at me, Nicholas. Surrender to me..." he commanded as his son's eyes met his own. "Listen very carefully to my voice, let it be the only thing occupying your mind." His words, smooth and barely a whisper, continued as they captured Nicholas' mind. Catching the glazing of his son's eyes, LaCroix forced himself not to look away. Although the sight before him was something he hated to see, he had to make this work. If his net around the younger vampire's mind were loosened, he might have to start over from the beginning. "The last thing you remember is leaving Chicago. The year was 1989. It was June, and you had stretched your stay as long as you could...." ~~~~~~~~~~ LaCroix abruptly stiffened as his surroundings settled around him. When he had taken Nicholas' memories away, he had known that things could go wrong. To tamper with a mortal's mind and make them forget about a single memory was nothing to them. Even a Resistor could be taken care of with enough knowledge and practice. Yet, to turn those same abilities on another of their kind was difficult. Unlike with mortals, a vampire's mind was able to reconstruct many of the 'lost' memories without aid. Perhaps it was a part of their healing abilities; but he really didn't know. His second attempt had been much more successful than the first. The effects had lasted nearly two months. Nicholas was showing signs of returning to him, much of their time spent discussing the past. Then, one day Nicholas had been looking through some of his things. He kept a close eye on his son, not wanting anything to trigger his memories. All of Nicholas' things from Toronto had been left there, but something had managed to catch his eye. Closing his eyes, LaCroix leaned back into his couch at the recollection. He still didn't know exactly what had triggered Nicholas' memories. Yet, several minutes later, his son had asked a question that had made him freeze solid: Who is Natalie? He had remembered Nicholas repeat the question several times before he had been able to gain his voice. Eventually, he had refused to answer, only making matters worse. Five days later, he had again altered Nicholas' mind, this time, taking drastic measures.... The Past, Present, and... (2/3) ~~~~~~~~~~ Ten months previous: He held his son against him as he completed his task. This time, he hadn't settled with a simple blood bond. Before daring to mess with Nicholas' memories, he had demanded that they share blood. His son had backed away at his words, nearly tripping as he'd ran into the table. He had stood firm, telling the younger that it was the only way to insure he wouldn't have to do this again. Nicholas had, reluctantly, agreed. Hesitantly, his son had taken his blood, at which he completed the circle, taking his son's. Pulling back, LaCroix had seen the nervousness coursing through the other. Then, he had repeated the actions he had done on the other occasions, this time slicing the palms of both of their hands in a hope that it would further strengthen his ability to wipe the memories. Instead of fixing the minor inconsistencies that floated in Nicholas' mind, he had ripped it all out. When his son woke, he would know absolutely nothing about who, or what he was. As he held Nicholas' head to his shoulder, LaCroix could feel his energy fading. As gently as possible he laid down, still keeping his son tightly in his grasp. Taking his child's memories had drained him. The task had nearly been too much for him. Never had he tried to do such a thing, and the enormity of his task had used up his energy. As he felt himself fade from his surroundings, only one thought rested in his mind: It would be enough. If it weren’t, he would surely lose Nicholas. ***** Waking, LaCroix found himself in the exact same position he'd been in before. Glancing at the clock, he discovered he'd been unconscious for twenty-two hours. Nicholas, still firmly in his arms, seemed no different than before. Carefully, he stood, and once his faint light-headedness had passed, he had taken Nicholas to his room. Heading to the kitchen, he had gotten himself something to drink. Three glasses later he felt much better, much of his energy returned to him. Planning on checking on his son, he headed down the hall. A presence fluttered in his mind: Nicholas was waking. LaCroix walked a little faster, arriving in the room in seconds. Looking to Nicholas, he could see two faintly golden eyes staring back at him. He wasn't sure what to say to the creature before him, for it was clear the vampire was fully in control. A second later he found himself pinned to the wall. Nicholas had lost none of his abilities, something he was grateful for. But, staring into his son's eyes, he could see a hatred staring back at him. "What is this!" came a fanged snarl. "Who are you?" "I am your father." The words made no sense to him. His confusion only fed his anger. "What am I? Tell me!" LaCroix quickly reversed their roles, holding the younger firmly against the wall. "You are a vampire, Nicholas. You are also my son." He calmed faintly, asking, "You did this to me?" "In a sense." The younger seemed to accept his answer. Through their bond he could feel his son's hunger. Releasing Nicholas, he mentioned, "I'm sure you are hungry." The younger's eyes burned brighter. A moment later, he answered the question with a hiss, "Yes...hungry..." A smile came to LaCroix' lips. "Then, come, Nicholas," he said, gently taking Nicholas and leading him toward the door. ~~~~~~~~~~ Continuing to sip from his glass, a smile graced his features. Things had seemed so good then. If only they had lasted. Sighing, LaCroix poured himself another glass, heading over to the window and the approaching sunset. Nicholas had become everything he wanted--or so he had believed. ~~~~~~~~~~ For two months he had watched his son revel in his nature. Nicholas had taken his suggestions to heart, and about once a week the younger was killing for his nourishment. It was a wondrous sight. The actions were slightly bewildering to his senses, but then, it had been such a long time since Nicholas had hunted without all of his mortal morals getting in the way. Taking to the air, LaCroix changed locations, watching from above as his son spotted a young couple. Landing on a nearby rooftop, he followed Nicholas' actions. Hiding himself in shadow, his child watched the two mortals walk by him. Then, Nicholas quickly took the man--there wasn't even a fight. But, from his position, he could see the fear on the mortal's features and imagine the wonderful sensations it added to the blood. The young man knew he was going to die and that he could do nothing about it. The girl backed away, and after a moment, she fled. LaCroix watched as Nicholas easily found her, cornering her at the end of an alley. His son was allowing his nature to guide him. Feeling a smile come to his lips, he listened in on the short conversation, the majority of his attention on Nicholas. His child was so beautiful in this state. It had indeed been a long time since Nicholas had been so carefree with his nature. He was enjoying this as much, if not more, than the younger. He closed his eyes as Nicholas took the mortal's blood, letting himself be bathed in the sensations across their bond. The tang of fruit washed across him, and he could almost make out the mortal's thoughts, his connection with Nicholas was so strong. LaCroix remained where he was until his son had left. Then, he flew down to the girl, taking in her silent form. Nicholas had been good about disguising the wounds thus far, something that absolutely had to be done lest the mortals become suspicious. Soon they would have to move once more, but he didn't really mind. Things weren't much different than they had been all of those years ago when Nicholas had indulged in his nature. In this modern world it was more difficult to switch identities on an instant, but it could, and would be done. He wanted to keep his son like this as long as possible. Looking up at the clear night sky, he let his smile return full force. Nicholas had let everything go...never mind the fact that the younger had no idea just who he was. Nicholas was his son. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ He closed his eyes at the recollection. He had been hopeful to believe that it would last; it had never done so in the past. Out the window, night had fully fallen. The moon was high in the sky, lighting everything with a soft, faint glow, much like it had been that night. But...as with the scene before him, clouds would eventually come through, pushing away the clear beauty. It had happened before, and it would happen again. Yet, he had been right about one thing. At that moment, Nicholas had indeed been his son--fully. It wasn't just something he could proclaim to tie the younger vampire to him, but something that they had both believed and embraced. He wanted that back, and he didn't want to wait for it. He had pushed it then, and now he knew it had been a mistake. Nicholas' mortal friend had reminded him exactly what would happen if he repeated that mistake. He would lose Nicholas. He could not let that happen again, not after the last time. The Past, Present, and... (3/3) ~~~~~~~~~~ Four months previous: LaCroix watched his son feed. Over the past week, something had changed. Nicholas' hunting was different...it was no longer enjoyable for his child. As Nicholas let his victim fall to the ground, he looked up at him, their eyes meeting. A cold icy blue stared back at him. Something was wrong. He knew it. The younger broke the contact, taking off into the night sky. Doing the same, LaCroix locked onto Nicholas' thoughts, following. After several minutes of pursuit, the elder vampire watched the other stop. A mortal had already captured his son’s attention. In a matter of seconds, the woman was drained. The kill was quick and methodical. No attempt at masking the cause of death had been made, but that was not at the forefront of his thoughts. As Nicholas again took to the air, LaCroix started after him before the mortal's body hit the pavement. Nicholas was traveling fast--as fast as a vampire could fly. LaCroix flew after him, pushing his own limits close to the edge. Flying, he knew, was something that had been natural to the younger vampire right from the beginning. It was also the one ability that his son hadn't entirely suppressed when he'd become obsessed with his quest for mortality. The younger had mastered this ability centuries before, and as Nicholas sped through the darkness, the distance between them was slowly, but steadily, increasing. His son was pushing his speed to the limit, but he knew that even Nicholas couldn't hold that speed for long. Flying used energy and, despite the amount of fresh blood the younger vampire had consumed of late, that fuel would soon begin to run low. As Nicholas' velocity slowed, LaCroix put on a burst of speed, quickly gaining on the younger. Once within reach, he grabbed hold of his son, yanking him down. He could feel his son's anger as they plummeted toward the ground. Nearing a rooftop, LaCroix slowed their descent. Then, just before his feet touched the ground, he shoved Nicholas away from him, the younger vampire roughly slamming into the roof. Landing, he watched his son stand, at which their gazes met--each of their stares an angry amber. "What, LaCroix!" Nick snarled. "What am I doing wrong?!" "You are becoming careless, Nicholas. Carelessness breeds danger." "What if I told you that I didn't care? You have been telling me to do what I want...this is want I want. The blood, the hunt...it is all that matters." "Yes, the hunt is what matters, but you are not hunting!" "I'm killing. Isn't that the same thing, LaCroix? Mortal hunters do the same thing. They stalk their prey, quickly taking their targets down. Are we so different?" "We are, Nicholas. We are no mere mortal hunters! They have faults, weaknesses. You are losing your focus, forgetting that we must be cautious, especially in this modern world." "I'm not losing my focus, I'm losing interest." He took a step back, clearly taking his time to think. "I've been feeling strange things of late, LaCroix. I am a killer, nothing more. None of us are anything more than killers, murderers." "We are predators." "If this killing is so natural, then why does it not feel that way? Why won't you tell me exactly who I am?" The quick change of subject made him stiffen. "You are my son, Nicholas." "When was I born? Where? What's my full name?" he asked as he circled the elder vampire, his anger growing. "Tell me, LaCroix!" "Stop this nonsense!" LaCroix countered, flying forward and halting his son's movements. "I want to know who I am! It is no more nonsense than your keeping my past from me in the first place," he stated. Then, pulling out of the other's grasp, he repeated, "Tell me!!" The words tipped LaCroix' anger to the edge. He struck out, his hand solidly meeting the younger's jaw. For a moment, Nicholas held firm, glaring back at him. Initially, his son's gaze was a deep blue, but that slowly changed to green-gold, then amber, and finally blood red. "Nicholas, I have told you everything you need know about who and what you are!" "It's not enough." LaCroix stood firm against the statement. He would not and could not answer. If he did so, the chances of Nicholas regaining some of the taken memories would be high. The elder vampire shook his head, his opinion clear. "Tell me, now, or I will leave." "You will do no such thing!" At that, he flew at Nicholas, sending them both crashing into the roof's rough surface. Pinning his child to the ground, he demanded, "Accept my words, mon fils." "No!" Nick replied, throwing the elder vampire off of him. As their argument continued, LaCroix pushed his son toward the roof's edge. Once he had regained his balance and a semblance of his composure, Nick stated, "Fine. I'm leaving." Seeing the younger prepare to take flight, LaCroix grabbed his son's arm, holding him down. Then, in one quick action, he used all of his force, backhanding Nicholas and sending him over the edge of the roof. LaCroix remained where he stood, seething in anger. He waited expectantly for Nicholas to reappear, no doubt returning his gesture. After a moment and no reaction, he reached out to his son through their bond. His lips parted ever so slightly with the vibrations he felt. Taking to the air, he landed on the ground, a mere feet from Nicholas' silent form. A small trickle of blood flowed from his son's mouth, no doubt from the blow he had dealt. Beneath Nicholas' head, he could see more blood pooling. LaCroix set his jaw at the sight before him. His action had done far more than he had intended. He had used too much force, knocking Nicholas out and making it impossible for his child to halt the fall. Carefully, he picked Nicholas up. After standing for a moment, he took to the air, heading to his apartment. ***** It had been over forty hours since the argument. Still, his son slept. LaCroix watched the younger vampire, a faint nightmare ensnaring his mind. Leaving the room, he headed to the kitchen, planning to get some breakfast. Pouring a glass, he took a sip of the liquid, savoring its flavor. On the edge of his senses, he felt Nicholas stir. He smiled and took another swallow of the blood. He would leave Nicholas alone for the time being. Refilling his glass, LaCroix moved out to the main room, sifting through his CD's. Hearing Nicholas approach, he ceased his search, turning to his son with a smile. Upon seeing Nicholas' contained hatred, his features softened, not sure what to expect from the younger vampire. When his son started for the door, he moved purposely in the way. Nicholas stopped, swaying slightly at his sudden action. LaCroix watched him, waiting for a reaction. When none came, he asked, "Where are you going, Nicholas?" "Away from here." He felt his anger rise once more. "Why?" At that, Nicholas merely stood. "Why, Nicholas?" "I don't know. I just want to get away from you." The younger tried walking around him, but LaCroix stopped him. "There must be a reason. One does not abandon one's family on a 'feeling'." He caught a hint of confusion cross Nicholas' features. "You don't remember, do you?" Again, his son remained silent. LaCroix keep his expression calm, even as he realized that the injury had once more wiped his son's memories. Nicholas was certainly not thinking straight, and he silently hoped that this amnesia wouldn't last long. "You will remain here until you can think about what you are doing, Nicholas." Firmly, he gripped the other's shoulders, leading the way toward the hall. After a few steps, LaCroix felt himself being shoved, his shoulder contacting with the wall a moment later. Turning, he just glimpsed Nicholas' form slip through the door. He started after his son, planning on intercepting him before Nicholas could leave the city. He used their bond to track the younger vampire, but by the time he got a solid lock, dawn was approaching. He barely had enough time to get back to the apartment before the sun rose. Standing next to the window, he watched the morning light stream into to the room, hitting the opposite wall. Nicholas was safe. He could feel it. But.... LaCroix clenched his jaw closed. He didn't want this to happen, not now. He would get Nicholas back. Whether it took weeks, months or years, he would have his son at his side. ~~~~~~~~~~ The next night he had bared the last embers of the day, trying to catch his son before Nicholas could put more distance between them. Yet, he had been unable to. During the next three months, Nicholas had slowly but surely destroyed the bond between them by starving himself. The weaker his son had become, the more concerned he was. Soon after, he had completely lost his connection. Several times he had wondered to himself what he would do if he never found Nicholas. Then, he had felt a faint tingle along their link, and where had it lead him? Nicholas was back where the whole situation had begun: Toronto. When he'd arrived at Nicholas' loft and seen Dr. Lambert sleeping on the couch, he had nearly drained her then and there. He hadn't, though, and he was glad of it. Her words had struck him harder than any other's had for some time. She hit on things, particularly about Nicholas, that he often ignored. She had asked him to let Nicholas stay not for herself, but for Nicholas. He had done as she had asked, knowing that by taking Nicholas from this place his son would only run from him once more. He had to admit that he had enjoyed his conversations with Nicholas' mortal friend. They were...illuminating. Her comments and suggestions had indeed been true. As such, he would continue to listen, even if it was not his first choice. If it would bring his son back to him, he would do anything, including this. Focusing on the moon's bright crescent, LaCroix then turned his gaze to the general direction of his son's loft. Nicholas, despite the near hatred that he had felt at times across their bond, was coming to terms with his memories. True, the younger vampire hadn't yet visited him, but he could wait. He would have Nicholas back. Perhaps not right this moment, but someday his son would stand at his side, unhindered by the guilt that ensnared the younger even now. Nicholas was, and always would be, his. ~fin~ Note: The French LaCroix uses "Écoutez ma voix, mon fils. Écoute moi...." translates as "Listen to my voice, my son. Listen to me...." Well, I hope everyone enjoyed 'The Past, Present, and...' Thanks for reading. ;) Jarvinia jarvinia@gmx.com @>--,---`---