Shades of Grey Jarvinia Forever Knight is not owned by me...I'm just having a bit of fun. No copyright infringement is intended by the writing of this story. This story takes place a couple of months after the end of the second season, not long before third season would have started. Whether third season took place or not after this is pretty much up to the reader. Note: This is an ADULT UF (Nick/LaCroix - m/m) story, which also includes a bit of a theme of rape. If you are not of age to read adult content, will, or even *may* be offended by any of the content mentioned--don't read this. This also contains a bit of violence and...well, what I've already mentioned. I would like to thank amethystshells for being a sounding board and alpha reader, and also Knightshadowwrtr and Sunny LaCountess for betaing and their comments/suggestions. Please do not archive/post/distribute without permission. If you would like to, though...please ask. Feedback/comments gratefully accepted at: jarvinia@gmx.com Now, on to the story.... ~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~ Shades of Grey - (01/21) "Schanke, where's your partner?" Cohen asked, calmly, already knowing the answer. He stopped mid-stride and swallowed. He didn't know, and she knew he didn't. "Uh...he's...well, he's...." Nick silently stepped up behind his partner, stating, "Right here." Schanke spun, jumping slightly upon seeing the other man standing there. He'd been looking for Nick for the past fifteen minutes and then he just pops up from the middle of nowhere. "Knight, don't give me a heart attack!" Watching as Schanke calmed, she told them, "Well, now that you are both here, I want you to meet someone." As she went into the office, the two detectives glanced at one another, and then stared at the man sitting in one of the chairs. Immediately, they each knew who it was--Detective Matthew Hart. He'd just made detective about two months before and had been assigned to the 96th. "I don't think I need to explain more than Hart's partner is out of town on vacation and I'm assigning him to you two for the next week." Neither looked thrilled at her statement. Schanke would eventually get over it, but the look on Knight's face told her he wanted no part of this. She turned to face them more fully. "Are there any objections with this? Knight? Schanke?" She watched as they both shook their heads--Knight very reluctantly. "Schanke, bring Hart up to speed on your current case...I want to talk with your partner for a moment." Nick moved away from his position in the door, allowing the other two detectives to leave. Waiting a moment, he closed the door without a word. She watched as he just stood there, not even breathing by the looks of it. "Knight, I can see you're against this. It's only for a week, and he is becoming quite a good detective. At least pretend you don't mind him being assigned to you." Meeting her eyes, he stiffly nodded, and then quickly left the office and headed toward his desk, his partner...and Matthew Hart. He slowed upon approaching the two, watching as Hart tensed at his presence. Hart slowly moved a step closer. "I...can ask Cohen if she'll change my assignment, Knight. I don't want to be any trouble to you two." At that, Schanke gripped his partner by the shoulder and assured, "There's no trouble." Nick fought the urge to shrug out of the grip. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the Captain with her arms crossed in front of her, waiting. He managed a weak smile. "No, no trouble at all." The other calmed slightly at that. "How about we just start fresh?" Holding his hand out, he stated, "Matthew Hart--but I'd rather you call me Matt." Holding back a moment, Nick slowly took the younger man's hand. "Nicholas Knight, but Nick's fine." Releasing Matt's hand, he unobtrusively backed up, going to sit at his desk. "So...what's your current case?" Schanke glanced to his partner, and then pulled a file off Nick's desk, handing it to Matt. "A shooting. According to statements from the neighbors, we have two suspects who apparently entered the home of Veronica Withers, killed her, and then left. Although the house is a mess, nothing appears to have been taken." Handing the folder back to Schanke, Matt commented, "Not a robbery, then. Was the victim the only one in the house?" "From what we can tell, yes, although she lives with her husband, a Mark Withers." Nick tried to make himself more comfortable, which he partially succeeded in doing after a couple of tries. "We haven't been able to find or contact him as of yet." Matt pulled up a chair as they talked more about the case. As the night passed, Nick stayed tense while the other two kept busy with their work. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. As their shift neared an end, Nick prepared to head for home, but was turned around and led back to his desk by Schanke. "Let's get something to eat--my treat." Matt, who was as awake as he'd been at the beginning of shift, quickly answered, "Sure. Sounds good to me." Nick, however, wasn't too thrilled. "Schanke...." "Don't even start with that special diet of yours. As much coffee, donuts, or whatever you eat. You're coming--end of story." Turning to Matt, he continued, "I've never seen what this guy eats, it's like he's surviving off of air or something." Pulling away, Nick told him, "I need to get ho-" "See? Every time it's the same excuse. Come on, Nick, it's not like you're a vampire or something...besides, the sun's not up for another hour and a half." Matt's brow creased in confusion. "Why would that matter?" A second later, it hit him. "Oh yeah, you're allergic to sunlight or something. I didn't know it was that serious." "Well, it is," Nick stated in reply, his thoughts still caught on Schanke's words. He did what he could to remain calm. Did Schanke know what he was? He knew his partner remembered everything he'd deduced before he gave up the hunt, but did he know? He shook the thought off. "I'm really not hungry, Schank." "Then order water for all I care. You're not going to lock yourself away in that high-tech dungeon of doom of yours--not tonight." The look his partner gave him almost made Schanke rethink his decision, but not quite. "I'll invite Natalie if you give one more excuse that you can't come." Matt smiled slightly, knowing from the rumors he'd heard that there was something between the two, although it wasn't clear just what. "We could even pick her up on the way," he added, playing along with Schanke's suggestion. At that, Nick did have a reply. If Schanke called Natalie, she'd most assuredly come. Not only that, but she'd probably try to get him to eat something. "Okay, fine. I'll come, but I'm not going to eat anything." Schanke was beaming with his victory, grinning at both of them. Pulling Nick toward the exit, he stated, "Come on, let's go before Nick changes his mind." *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Pushing the door out of the way, Nick entered his home, finding Natalie there with the remote control for the blinds. Pre-dawn light shown through the windows, and as he approached, he watched as she closed them. "Where were you? It's nearly day." "I got dragged along for breakfast with Schanke and Hart. I couldn't get out of it." "And...?" she asked enthusiastically. He sighed. "And what?" "Did you eat anything?" "Nothing...solid. A few sips of water...and that was mostly an attempt to calm my nerves. It's been about sixty hours since I've fed." "Well, it's something," she said, the tone of her voice letting loose a little bit of her disappointment. "So...how was it?" "Schanke was pleased, even if I didn't eat anything. It was...difficult sitting there among all of the mortals. I wasn't prepared for it." Natalie pursed her lips at the reply. "You know, if you want to be mortal, you're going to have to get used to doing things like that." "I know, Nat, I know. It's just...it was hard to keep focused when the vampire was hungry. I don't even remember most of what was said." "But otherwise you did okay?" He nodded. "Schanke has it in his mind that he's going to manage this again--and that next time he'll get me to eat. But I don't think there will be a next time." Turning, Nick headed for the refrigerator, his hunger rising. Natalie stood, and intercepted him as he pulled the bottle out of the refrigerator. "Nick...don't drink it." She reached for the bottle, trying to take it from him. "Let go, Nick." In defeat, he released his hold on the bottle, walking away and across the room. "I know you've been having trouble with this lately. I know it's hard, but it's worth it, isn't it? It makes you a little closer to your goal?" She waited, but he didn't answer. "Nick?" He took in a deep breath, faintly nodding. She slowly put the bottle back on the shelf, shutting the refrigerator door. Then, she cautiously approached him, sensing that he was having a hard time. "There are a couple of my shakes in the refrigerator. If you have one, it might calm your hunger a little." Stopping behind him, she put one hand on his back, at which he tensed. That in itself spoke volumes. "I'm going to head on home to get some sleep. I'll see you later tonight, okay?" Still, he remained silent. "Nick, please say something." Turning, he managed a faint smile. "I'm sorry, I was just thinking." She returned the gesture, and then quickly left before saying anything else. Once in her car, she had to remind herself to stay calm. Before leaving, she almost asked Nick what he was thinking about...but she already knew. He hadn't really become quiet until she'd asked him if what they were doing was worth it. He doubted himself, and it saddened her. Starting her car, Natalie pulled out onto the street and headed for home, wondering what was going through Nick's mind at that moment. Was he losing his grip on his decision, or was he attempting to tighten it? Shades of Grey - (02/21) Nick looked into the rearview mirror, watching Matt almost as much as he was watching the road. So far, the shift had gone by quickly and quietly--until a few minutes ago, anyway. He and Schanke had just received a call from dispatch that there was movement at the Withers' scene, and were now en route. Of the three of them, he was the most on edge. Feeling the beast rise and his instincts get ready to act, he pushed it all away. After Natalie had left that morning, he'd thought hard on what they were doing. More than anything he wanted to become mortal and a part of humanity. To do that, he had to suppress the beast. Silently he wished he'd had a glass of blood before work...or at least tried to get one of Natalie's shakes down. But, as long as everything went smoothly, the night would go fine. Again, he glanced back to Matt, who was far calmer than himself. He just hoped that he could control the vampire. A couple of minutes later, they pulled up to the Withers' residence and the three got out, their weapons drawn. Schanke went to the front and Nick headed to the back--and Matt followed him. They hadn't quite made it to the back of the house before two men, both dressed in black and with dark hair, bolted from the back door and around the corner. He and Matt followed, and as they ran toward the front of the house, Nick could see Schanke in pursuit of one of the suspects. Nick started after the second suspect, and again, Matt followed. Nick was unable to use his abilities with the mortal right there, something he'd been saying to himself for the last several moments. Running after the man, he saw Matt out of the corner of his eye, both of them running about the same speed. The suspect ran into a section of trees, and before too long, the other stopped, their guns drawn on each other. "Lay your weapon down and put your hands up!" Nick told the man, who didn't move one way or the other. For several minutes, they remained exactly like that, their guns pulled on the other. As his ears picked up Schanke's approach and saw yet another form flit through the trees, leaving the general area, he knew they didn't have much time. "Place your gun on the ground and surrender!" "No way, cop!" the man said, darting a few trees to the left. Events weren't going smoothly. From where he was, Nick heard the man's heart beating loudly in his ears. The man was a walking bomb, and both Matt and Schanke were within easy aim. Several shots were fired toward the two detectives' position, and Nick watched as they moved behind two nearby trees--neither one completely protected from the flying bullets. He had to do something...he wanted to do something. Yet, with all of the trees, it would make flying difficult, not to mention impossible to explain. He didn't know if Matt was a resistor, but now was certainly not the time to test it. As their suspect fired off several more shots in Schanke and Matt's direction, Nick watched his partner just barely get out of the way as one impacted with the tree Schanke was using as cover. Moving more out in the open, Nick quickly took aim at the shooter, even as the man took aim again. He glanced to the side, and saw that Matt was completely unprotected. Even as he was struggling to decide between attempting to push Matt out of the way and shooting--using the vampire or his police training--he knew he was running out of time. Not letting another second pass by, he moved completely out into the open and fired on their suspect. Several seconds later, all was silent. With his enhanced hearing, he heard Schanke's strong heartbeat and one extremely weak one--but nothing else. Strongly smelling blood nearby, he swallowed. Three mortals and two heartbeats--one of which was fading. He didn't like this at all. "Nick? Are you okay?" He ignored his partner, moving quickly through the darkness toward the stronger of the two blood-scents. Seeing Matt lying on the ground, he faltered before kneeling next to the mortal detective. Schanke found his way to their position, asking, "Nick? What happened?" "The shooter must have fired at the same time I did." His eyes caught on the fallen man's wounds, the blood flow slowing as the heartbeat began to fade from his senses. Suddenly, Matt's pulse quickened, and Nick watched his eyes flutter open. In that same instant, he felt the detective grip his hand tightly, pulling him closer. "Please...please tell Sandy I love her.... Please...." Nick closed his eyes as he heard Schanke reply to the plea, assuring him that he would. Matt's grip was like steel--more than what most mortals would be able to handle. As quickly as the strength had come, it disappeared, Matt's voice fading out to nothing just before the light pounding in his ears ceased as well. He sat there, not sure what to do. He'd just shot a man, killed him as his senses knew, and another just died in his arms. "Nick? Is he...." He shook himself out of it, and made a quick show of checking Matt's non-existent pulse before nodding. "Look, I'm going to call for backup and see if you tagged our suspect, but keep an eye out, Knight. There's two of them." Again, he silently nodded, staying right where he was. He had seen just a glimpse of the other suspect as they ran for freedom, but he'd been too preoccupied to care about it. And, now, even that was far from his thoughts. Looking down on Matt's lifeless form, he pushed the hair back from the other's face. Matthew Hart was young--a mere twenty-nine years old. His wife, Sandy, was a couple of years younger, and they had a three-year-old daughter named Marisa. All of this he had learned in the short time he'd spent with him and Schanke that morning at breakfast. Despite their short lifespans, mortals had more life than he would ever have. They had families and children. Their relationships were two sided--both members giving and taking, sharing their lives. With a mortal, all a vampire did was take. Take, and take, and take. There was nothing to give to a mortal except death or the 'gift' of immortality. He didn't know how much time had passed. Sirens filled the air, more mortals arriving. Natalie was one of the first to approach him; her heartbeat presently moving ever closer. Feeling her hands on his shoulders, he jumped slightly, still a little stunned at what had happened. "Nick, are you okay?" He looked at his hands, blood drying on both of them. He had a couple of splotches of blood on his jacket as well. All of the blood was Matt's. It wasn't quite fresh anymore, and he found his hunger non-existent. Squeezing his shoulders, she rubbed the taut muscles, trying to get them to loosen. At first, he pulled away from the touch, but it was clear Natalie wasn't going to let him away that easily. Standing up, he jerked away from her, nearly losing his balance on the uneven ground. "Nick...." "I could have saved him, Nat. If I'd only moved sooner...if I'd only pushed him out of the way." She moved closer, backing him away from the others present. "Nick, you did what you could." Again putting space between them, he paced. Then, coming to stop in front of her, he harshly whispered, "I could have acted faster, Nat. I could have used what I am...if I had, he might still be alive." "Nick...look at me," she commanded, but he had started pacing again. Stepping forward, she grabbed his arm, stopping his movement. He glared down at her, his eyes reflecting slightly with a few golden flecks in them. "Nick, you couldn't have saved him. Even if you had managed to push him out of the way, Schanke tells me Matt was in a direct line between him and the shooter." "If it was Schanke lying there, would you be saying this?" It took her a moment to get past his question, but then she sternly answered, "Yes, I would. You couldn't do anything more than you did." She watched as the gold melted into blue, a few amber flecks staying behind and surrounding his pupil. She relaxed somewhat, seeing his beast retreating. As he leaned against one of the trees, she softly asked, "When I get done, I'll take you home, okay? Nick?" He nodded. "I'll be here...just keep Schanke away, okay? I really just want to be alone right now." "Yeah, I'll let him know to stay back. He's dealing with this too, you know. I'll be back as soon as I can, Nick." Leaning against the thick trunk, Nick closed his eyes. Of course Schanke would be dealing with it too. He hadn't really thought of that. In fact, the only positive thought he had was that Schanke was alive and fine. Why couldn't he have acted faster? If he had, everything could have turned out different. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. As the elevator ground to a halt, Natalie waited for Nick to get out. "Nick?" Hearing his name, he momentarily glanced to her before heading inside. Walking by the kitchen, he easily rid himself of his jacket and holster. Then, his eyes fixated on the refrigerator. He was hungry, and yet not. The faint tinges of Matt's life in the dried blood still lingered on his clothes. "Don’t do this, Nick. Don't block everything out." Putting a hand on his back, she told him, "It's not your fault. You didn't kill him." He spun on her, his eyes again softly glowing. "Yes I did, Natalie. If I had acted just a little faster-" "Nick, you shot the suspect before Schanke even knew what was happening. He tells me that you acted faster than any cop he'd ever seen under *any* circumstances. It happened in a split second." "It didn't feel like a second from where I was standing. I...I remember trying to decide between shooting and using the vampire for what seemed like minutes. I should have taken the other option. I could have saved him." She watched as Nick walked away. As he stopped halfway across the room, she turned and told him, "You couldn't have done anything more than you did--even as a vampire. There wasn't enough time. You did the right thing, Nick. By acting when you did, you possibly saved Schanke's life, even if you couldn't save Matt's." Approaching, she watched as Nick's head drooped. "Nick?" He didn't answer, barely making any movements. "You know, if you do become mortal, you'll possibly be confronted with this again. Eventually, you're going to have to deal-" "I know that," he hissed, turning just enough so his eyes and fangs were visible to her. "Please...just go. I need to think." She froze in her spot at his first words. Even now, she felt her heart pounding in her chest, probably not making matters any easier for Nick. "Uh...Cohen wants you to stay home for a couple of nights. If you want to talk, call or drop by, okay?" Again, he remained silent. "Nick? Please." As he nodded and faced away from her, she slowly made her way to the door, silently wishing he would be all right. He was taking full blame for what had happened. She let the door of the lift shut behind her. As she descended, Natalie leaned against the side of the elevator, hoping that Nick's guilt would fade after a few days. Shades of Grey - (03/21) Once Natalie's heartbeat faded from his surroundings, he let out the breath he'd been holding. Walking back over to the table, he stared down at his jacket. Even though the vampire was close to the surface, he still wasn't hungry. He wanted something, but couldn't place it. He sat down, fingering one of the spots on his jacket. The blood wasn't quite dry, and he knew he could get a taste of its owner if he really wanted to...but he wouldn't. Matthew Hart had died for one simple reason--him. True, in the state he was in, hungry and somewhat weak, he never would have been able to reach Matt in time had he flown, but a healthy vampire could have. If he'd fed that night, he could have saved him. As his anger rose, he felt his fangs pierce down into his lower lip, drawing his own blood. As a mortal, he wouldn't have been able to do even what he had done. The area had been dark, the trees blending easily in with each other, creating a field of shadows. To a mortal, their suspect probably looked no different than their surroundings other than an occasional reflection of their face in the dim moonlight. As a mortal, he'd probably be dead in a few months time. He relied on his ability to heal too often. He'd been a vampire for more than seven and a half centuries, and, suffice it to say, he had gotten used to it. It didn't take a thought to fly or hunt...but took so much energy to simply decide to shoot someone. Even then, he'd used his night vision to see the suspect and aim his weapon. The more he thought about it the more he realized that being mortal wasn't quite what he wanted. He didn't want to kill, but neither did he want to watch others die. As a mortal, he would not have the ability to save them. If he'd only used what he was.... Now, he almost wished Natalie hadn't left...but he also knew that she wouldn't understand. Seriously, he considered going to Janette. Yet, the same problem would come up. With all of Janette's teasing aside, she did worry when he acted strangely, and if he were to state to her that he no longer wanted to become human, she would become concerned. He didn't want to deal with that. Closing his eyes, the scent of drying blood burned his senses as he breathed. He stood, distancing himself somewhat. Still, he wasn't hungry, even though it had been a little more than three days since he'd had any blood. He should be, but the scene had made him lose his appetite. He would take a shower and then get rid of his jacket--it was so much easier to just throw it away instead of hassling with cleaning away the blood. Afterwards, perhaps he would feed...or better yet, just go to sleep and try to get the events out of his mind. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Walking into the Raven the next night, Nick found himself scanning the club not for Janette, but LaCroix. For some reason or another, Janette wasn't there. He was glad for it. He went to the bar, where Miklos immediately turned, preparing to pour a glass of his special vintage. Reaching forward and catching the other's arm, he told him, "The House Special, Miklos, not my usual." "If that's what you want," the Hungarian replied, quickly pouring a glass full of the requested vintage. "Do you want me to leave the bottle?" "Yeah, leave it." As Miklos turned away, heading to another part of the bar, Nick stared into the glass. Although he wasn't really hungry, he picked it up, taking a large swallow of the human blood. He closed his eyes at the taste. It had been a while since he'd allowed himself to partake of human blood. The flavor was fuller than his usual, but despite that, it did nothing to sooth his emotions. What he wanted and, more importantly, what he needed, didn't come in a bottle. He pushed that thought away, wanting nothing more than to relax. Emptying the glass, he refilled it without a second thought. A short distance away, he saw his sire's form approaching. He ignored the elder vampire's presence, even as LaCroix stopped right next to him, picking up the bottle. "I haven't seen you around recently. What's the occasion? It can't be your work; otherwise you most certainly wouldn't be indulging yourself like this...." "Don't even start, LaCroix." "My, my...that's no way to talk to one's elders...." Downing the glass, Nick closed his eyes, trying to contain his emotions. "This wouldn't have anything to do with the death of that detective last night, would it?" Nick tensed, not moving. His sire knew exactly what happened...and it didn't really surprise him. LaCroix always knew what was up, especially when it involved what was on his mind. He shot a glare toward LaCroix after a moment, but didn't say anything. Seeing flecks of gold in his son's eyes, LaCroix nearly smiled. "He would have died eventually--all mortals do. You know that more so than even I." He watched as the younger turned away slightly. Taking the bottle, he refilled his son's glass, taking a sip of the blood before setting it next to his son's hand. "Not a bad vintage, although I think I have something you might enjoy more considering your present mood." "I just want to sit, LaCroix. Sit and think. Leave me be." With that, he stood, taking the bottle and glass in his hand. "If you change your mind, I'll be in the office." His son's eyes locked with his own, the blue almost outnumbered by gold. Abruptly, Nicholas started toward the back of the club. LaCroix smiled, just barely. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. LaCroix leaned back, listening to the nearly unnoticeable music and heartbeats on the other side of the office door. He enjoyed it in here. Janette had the room soundproofed, and although not perfect, it made this one of his favorite rooms in the club. Sensing Nicholas' approach and then hesitation at the door, he sat up, focusing on the door. It slowly opened, and after a second, his son slipped inside, carefully closing the door behind him. Yet, the younger vampire didn't immediately turn back to him. He stood and went to the other side of the desk. "Nicholas...I am pleased to see you here." Picking up the small crystal container that had been sitting on the desk, he walked up behind his son. Removing the stopper loosely resting in the opening, LaCroix held it out. "Drink it, Nicholas. It's quite good." Nick turned, staring at the container. The blood-scent lapped strongly at his senses, his nature rising slightly in anticipation. Momentarily, he considered refusing, but quickly took it from LaCroix, taking a sip of the contents. His eyes widened slightly. It really was quite good...but then, LaCroix would settle for no less. "I'm considering getting more...perhaps save it for another time." He watched as Nicholas upended the container, quickly drinking in the blood. He smiled. There was something on his son's mind; he could feel it. Something that he had refused to mention to anyone, or for that matter, even allow himself to think about. Taking the empty crystal container back to the desk, LaCroix turned to find his son facing him, still in the same place near the door. What caught his attention, however, were Nicholas' eyes. They were a striking shade of gold, their need clearly apparent. This time as he smiled, it would have been obvious to any onlookers that he was very pleased with the result. Returning to Nicholas' side, he was surprised when the younger man pulled him to the side, pushing him against the wall. Yet, seeing the vampire in full reign before him made him hold back any comments, his lips still twisted into a smile. He saw a flash of the other's fangs before his mouth was caught in a kiss. Indistinctly, he felt Nicholas' fingers undoing the pin at his neck and then the top buttons of his shirt. His own fangs descended, and at that, Nicholas pulled back. The younger man stared at him for several moments before repeating the previous action. This time, Nicholas' hands pushed him harder against the wall, pinning him in place. Deliberately, he raised his own hands, unbuttoning the other's shirt and pushing it to the side. As Nicholas released him for a second, he leaned against the wall. A second later, he felt the same lips that had only recently met with his own against his neck, Nicholas' fangs teasing his throat. "And to think that even for a moment I thought the mortals had actually managed to take you away from me." Finally, he allowed his own eyes to glow. "They never will, Nicholas. Never." With that, he sank his fangs into his son's waiting throat, and a split-second later Nicholas did the same, completing the circle. They each gripped the other tightly, and as they shared blood, LaCroix found himself pulling Nicholas closer to try and strengthen the sensations he was getting, if only by a little. His son's blood, despite the present thoughts and emotions running rampant in it, was as vibrant as that first taste when he'd brought Nicholas across. LaCroix pulled back first, licking away the blood around the wounds he'd made. Resting, he closed his eyes, allowing Nicholas to take more of his blood. After a moment, his son, too, drew away. Abruptly, he again found the younger's lips meeting his, and once more they kissed. Their tongues intertwined, the blood in each of their mouth's mixing. As they separated, he found himself longing for more. Meeting the other's eyes, he saw that Nicholas, too, wanted more...but now was neither the best time nor place. Not only that, but it was obvious to him that Nicholas would need some time to consider what happened. Watching as his son took another step back, he held the younger's gaze as Nicholas re-buttoned his shirt. A somewhat awkward silence came between them, which was interrupted when Nicholas slowly licked the few drops of blood off his lips. Then, in an instant, Nicholas was gone, the door shut tightly behind him. LaCroix let himself lean fully against the hard surface behind him. It was clear that there would be more on this...but what he didn't know. For the first time in quite a while Nicholas had come to him. His son had needed no encouragement. It had been completely of his son's will, something that made him wonder if, perhaps, Nicholas might come back to him in the near future. Fixing his shirt and his sword pin, LaCroix headed back to the desk, sitting down. Leaning back, he once again took in the near silence of the room. Reaching across the link with his son, he found the other just a short distance away in the club. Nicholas hadn't left, something that surprised him. Maybe...just maybe his thoughts weren't as wishful as he'd originally believed. Shades of Grey - (04/21) Returning to the club, Nick quickly found himself back in the same seat he had been in earlier. Almost immediately, a waitress sat a bottle and a glass on the table without a word. He stared at the clean glass, his thoughts elsewhere. What had happened with LaCroix was...well, unexpected. He hadn't even thought about what he was doing. He had simply acted. If only he had left after he had sampled that blood. He had simply acted on what he wanted, what he needed, and had taken it. When he'd pinned LaCroix against the wall, he had expected his sire to react, switching their positions in an instant. He knew the elder vampire could have done so at any time, and he wondered why he hadn't. The taste of LaCroix' blood was fresh in his mouth and he wanted more. No, that wasn't quite right. He wanted the blood, yes, but he wanted more than that...much more. He shoved that thought to the back of his mind and tied it up as tight as was possible. *That* was something he really didn't want to be thinking of at the moment. Taking the bottle, he pulled the cork out and poured himself a glass. Before he had a chance to take a sip, he sensed something familiar. Scanning the Raven, he saw Schanke's form coming down the stairs. A second later, his partner had spotted him and was approaching. He audibly groaned, and then drank the full glass in one, long draught. As Schanke sat down across from him, he refilled his glass. Preparing to take another drink, he found a mortal hand stopping him. He looked into his partner's eyes, glaring at him. After a moment, Schanke let go and he took a sip of the blood. "Nick...I've been looking for you. You weren't at home, and Cohen said you hadn't come in so I knew something was up and..." Schanke said, trailing off upon catching another glare. "I...guess I just want to know how you're doing. You were really out of it last night." "I'm fine," he stated, and then took a large swallow of the blood. "Just leave me be." With that, he finished off the glass in one gulp. Reaching for the bottle, he discovered Schanke had already grabbed it and was pulling it away from him. He needed the blood...he needed the blood to sooth his anger at himself. "Give it back," he demanded. "I'm not really one to say, Nick--after all, we're only partners-- but this isn't how to deal with what happened." "And what is, Schank?!" he nearly hissed. Although he hadn't changed, he felt some of his partner's fear. "Tell me!" About to speak, Schanke stopped upon seeing someone else approach. "Leave Nicholas be, Detective." Meeting the other's gaze, he held his position. Then, something hit him--both the icy glare LaCroix was presently directing toward him and his partner's glare were much alike. Faintly, he remembered part of a conversation he'd had, and that LaCroix had mentioned that he and Janette were his partner's family. He held the bottle out to Nick, who quickly yanked it out of his grasp. Watching his partner, Schanke couldn't help but be concerned about the strange behavior--even for Nick. And yet, he knew there would be no chance of arguing with the man that stood there, waiting for him to leave. "Just...don't do anything rash, okay, Nick?" Nick stared up at Schanke for a moment, then looked back to his glass without a word. He'd already done something 'rash', and if things continued in the direction they were heading, they might become even more so. Realizing he wasn't going to get anywhere with Nick, Schanke told him, "Well, I'll see you later, partner." After pausing, he turned and headed out of the club without looking back. Once his son's mortal partner had left, LaCroix commented, "I see you have decided to stay." "Yes, and if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone." Watching his son stare into the depths of the bottle he was holding, LaCroix carefully thought through his reaction. Eventually, he nodded, heading across the club and to the bar, where he silently observed his son as the night passed. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Pushing the lift door open, Natalie found herself surrounded by the blackness of the loft. Usually it wasn't this dark--especially considering that it was after dawn. Nick normally kept a couple of lights on if there was a possibility she might drop by...even occasionally keeping one of the blinds up. Walking through the familiar room, she walked straight for an end table and a lamp. Turning it on, her eyes took a second to adjust to the sudden brightness. When they did, she could see Nick on the couch, flinching back from the light. A bottle--empty--was loosely held in one hand, the other being held up in front of his eyes. "Turn it off, Natalie," he harshly stated. When she didn't, he lowered his hand, his eyes now staring straight at her. "Turn it off and leave." She pursed her lips. He wasn't going to get off that easy. "I'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on." "Nothing." "Nothing," she repeated. Before he had a chance to stop her, she snatched the bottle out of his hand, staring at the label. She knew for a fact that the cow's blood Nick usually drank didn't have any labels on it...but human blood did. "This doesn't look like 'nothing' to me, Nick." He shot a glare at her, which she ignored. "Schanke called me earlier tonight. He mentioned that he found you at the Raven." He locked gazes with her, not immediately answering. Turning away slightly, he told her, "So what if I was? Is there something that says I can't go there?" She ignored his comment. "He said you were drinking. Human blood, I'll bet--just like the missing contents of this bottle. And, looking at you and judging by your reaction time, I'd say you're just about drunk on it." She easily discerned his anger at the comment...or perhaps it was just from the tone of her voice? She knew she was pushing him, but...she was angry. More specifically, she was angry that this didn't seem to matter to him. "What do you care? I'm a vampire. Vampires drink blood...human blood." The statement made her stiffen. "I thought you wanted out of that existence, that you wanted to be human." She stepped closer, holding the bottle out. "Nick, this stuff is what is holding you back. When you drink it, you lose all of the progress we've made." "Progress?" He nearly laughed before quickly sobering. "Because of wanting to be mortal--wanting to be weak and slow like them--a man died. I could have saved him if it wasn't for your 'progress'." "I thought you wanted this, Nick. I thought you wanted to become human...that we were working toward something." She threw her hand in the air, the other again holding the bottle up. "You know, sometimes I wonder why I try. Perhaps you can't change. It's sure starting to seem that way." She stopped, letting her hands again fall to her side. "The blood probably isn't even a big deal to you, is it? In a week you'll be out hunting, killing for it, won't you?" He simmered at her words, but for the most part remained calm. "You don't know what it's like for me." "Oh, I don't?" She moved closer, setting the bottle on the table. Looking down at him, she told him, "I feel pretty worthless right now. You say you want to be mortal...and then you just throw everything back in my face. You haven't been drinking the shakes, and you aren't even trying to eat anything solid. I don't think you know what you want. If anything, I'd say you've probably even considered hunting again, haven't you? You'd like that, wouldn't you? Draining your victim's blood faster than you did this bottle and savoring it like some expensive dessert." Her words halted, realizing that if she didn't stop soon, the conversation was going to get more out of hand than it already was. She was waiting for a reaction, but he just sat, silently holding back whatever thoughts she had started. Did he care? Even a little? Or, was this all a game to him? She looked straight into his eyes, stating, "Or maybe you've already decided." The accusation stung, his anger visibly rising. Without even a hint of hesitation, he replied, "Maybe I will. Hunting, now that you've mentioned it, is starting to sound good right about now. It's not that hard to kill a mortal, especially one this close." His words set her off, and before she knew what she was doing, she slapped him across the face as hard as she could. In an instant, he was standing next to her, holding her arm in a vice-like grip. After a second, her wrist started to hurt, but she neither budged nor looked away from his golden eyes and gleaming white fangs. Despite knowing his reaction was more her fault than his, she wasn't going to test and see whether he was lying or not. It was difficult to tell with the way he was, and right now, she just wanted to put some space between them. Natalie struggled against his grip, trying to free herself. After a moment, he released her, and she turned and headed for the stairs without another word. Nick inwardly winced as the door slammed shut. Then, sending the empty bottle careening toward the wall, he fell back into the couch. He shouldn't have said anything...he should have just remained silent. But...she was wrong. He hadn't even thought about hunting, nor did he have any wish to do so. Her comment had just hit too close. When she'd hit him, he'd reacted out of instinct. He knew he deserved it, but the beast was angry. If it wasn't for his decision not to hunt, not to kill for the blood, he knew she'd be dead. His want for a cure was fading...and now he was beginning to wonder if he'd really wanted it in the first place. Yes, as a vampire he could kill...but he could also help. The question was, which could he do more good as--a vampire or a mortal? The answer to that question wasn't something he really wanted to deal with right now. Natalie's words had hurt. They brought up thoughts and doubts, making him wonder just what he wanted.... For the moment, all he wanted was to erase their conversation from existence, or at the very least, his memory of it. He wanted to relax and forget about the world. Let it go on without him for a couple of days--but it wasn't going to let him, he knew. Getting up, he headed for the refrigerator and pulled out another bottle of human blood. He went back to the couch, slowly sitting down. All the while, his eyes were fixated on the bottle. Pulling the cork out, he took a long draught of the blood, closing his eyes and leaning back. For today, this would be his respite. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. From his position at the bar, LaCroix had carefully watched his son. Nicholas had been drinking blood-wine since his arrival at the beginning of the night--several bottles' worth. The club would close in about a half an hour, but Nicholas didn't seem to care. An hour later, he kept his vigil, watching as his son sat with a bottle of human blood, taking a sip every now and then. He had told the others to leave Nicholas alone, and that if his son asked for anything, to get it without comment. Soon, it was dawn, yet Nicholas remained at his table. LaCroix wasn't quite concerned...but he was curious as to what brought on this change. It was unusual for him to see his son literally drunk on blood. But, as long as no attention was brought to their kind, he wasn't about to dissuade the younger vampire's actions. Approaching, he stopped just off to the side of where Nicholas was sitting. "It is dawn. You'll have to stay the day." Nick glanced up at his sire, and then back to the nearly empty bottle he was holding. He silently nodded, but made no move to stand. "I'll be in the apartment, Nicholas. Don't spend all day sulking down here." Turning, he left the main area of the club, not waiting to see if Nicholas would follow. He knew that trying to force his son to do anything was just a waste of time...even if he had often resorted to it. He could wait. Just like the night before, he knew Nicholas would eventually take his offer. Shades of Grey - (05/21) Sitting on his couch, LaCroix waited patiently. Nicholas had come up a few minutes after he had, immediately heading toward the bathroom to take a shower. Faintly, he wondered if his son even knew Janette had left Toronto. Sure, Nicholas had to know that she wasn't here...but he didn't know that she wouldn't be back. It had only been a few days, and both the Raven and the apartment, although his, looked no different than when Janette had been here. His son was so preoccupied, he probably hadn't noticed. Hearing the water shut off, he remained where he was for a couple of minutes. Then, putting his glass on the table, he stood and made his way down the hall. Seeing that the bathroom was empty, he continued down to the end of the hall. He stood in the doorway of what was his new room, watching as his son hunted for something to change into. "Top dresser drawer," he stated, with a nod across the room, not moving any closer. Nick halted his search, turning to LaCroix. "Thanks, now just leave me alone." He raised his eyebrows at the rough, hard tone of his son's voice. When Nicholas reached for his clothes on the bed, LaCroix moved closer, spinning the younger to look at him. "Stop this, now! I can feel the guilt seeping out of you. Mortals die, and you have no reason to worry over what you 'could have' done!" Closing his eyes, Nick took several deep breaths. "I know, LaCroix. I'm trying to get past it, but I can't." He turned, walking across the room. "The world just won't let me think. Schanke, Natalie, and everyone else keep telling me what I should or shouldn't do and I haven't had any time to make much sense of it. I want to do what I want to do...but it's just not working." LaCroix held his position as Nicholas' stress flowed freely across their link. Taking a few steps closer, he prodded, "And what is it that you want, Nicholas?" Stopping, Nick stared at the wall, and with a sigh said, "I want to forget about everything for a little while...I want to be me without anyone telling me what I should do. I just want to pretend the world doesn't exist and not have it interrupt me." Approaching the younger, LaCroix gently turned his son to look him. In Nicholas' eyes, he watched as all of his son's emotions melted together. There was a touch of fear in them; something he knew was because of his presence. His son was afraid that he, too, was going to add to the confusion. Although he had already given Nicholas a suggestion, he would make no further comment on the matter. However, if the younger vampire wanted to forget about his surroundings, he would do what he could to aid in that. Slowly, he raised his hand to the younger man's face, pulling him nearer and closing the distance between them. Their lips met--no more than a brush of flesh against flesh. With a second kiss, however, whatever tenderness the first had alluded to was gone as if it had never been there. They kissed, Nick's hands going to undo LaCroix' shirt of their own will. Before long, not a single button remained in its place. They each grasped onto the other, their bodies nearly becoming one. Then, abruptly, Nick sank his fangs into the other's neck, taking the precious blood that lay inside. LaCroix returned the action, and they each drank their fill. As they pulled away from one another, LaCroix again held the younger's face. His Nicholas was so beautiful when in this state, uninhibited by his quest for mortality and allowing what he was to take control. Wishing this would happen more often, his lips curved slightly upward. Spying a drop of blood sitting invitingly on Nicholas' lower lip, he carefully neared the other, licking it away and initiating another kiss. It was, at first, hesitantly allowed...but as before, it quickly became more. Spinning Nicholas around so that the younger's back was against his chest, LaCroix gently guided his son's head to the side. Beneath the taut skin, he could smell the blood slowly flowing through Nicholas' veins. His fangs teased the smooth flesh, reminding himself that he couldn't rush this. He allowed one hand to explore Nicholas' stomach, its target slowly moving lower. Concentrating on their bond, he sensed the pleasure Nicholas was receiving from this. It was something he had not felt for many decades, and he wasn't going to let it fade away, either. Not only that, but his prodding alerted him to just how aroused the younger was. Unwrapping the towel, LaCroix let it fall to a pile on the floor. Then, slowly, he continued his previous actions, his fingers lightly running the length of Nicholas' erection. The younger's body stiffened at the action, but he didn't pull away. "Nicholas...?" The reaction wasn't verbal, but as LaCroix felt his son lean back against him, it was clear what the answer was. Teasing Nicholas' neck, he quickly rid himself of his own clothes. As their bare skin met, he felt Nicholas relax into him in a way he hadn't felt for many years, at which he smiled to himself. He guided the younger toward the bed, not feeling a speck of resistance. Only once Nicholas was helpless under him and on his stomach did he sense something. Teasing, he drew the other back toward him, his erection just pressing lightly against the younger man. At that, Nicholas wrenched himself from his position, twisting and causing LaCroix to be pushed to the side and land on the bed on his back. "Not right now, LaCroix, I...I can't." He had known those words were coming right from the beginning. At least it lasted as long as it did. Nodding, he moved toward the edge of the bed, yet felt himself being stopped by the other's hand. "Stay...I'm just not ready for that right now. Please." Needing no further words of encouragement, he smiled and turned back, attempting to excite Nicholas once more. At first, the younger vampire remained stiff and unresponsive, but soon Nicholas' muscles relaxed. When Nicholas began to return his attentions, he slowly pressed forward, increasing the sensations he was delivering. Somewhat abruptly, Nicholas pulled him into a kiss, pushing his mouth open with his tongue. LaCroix moaned as his fangs ached from Nicholas' teasing. His son drew back, and he saw a smile. He returned it, and then kissed the other back, holding Nicholas tightly against him. As their passions built, they ground their bodies together in need. Nearing his limits, LaCroix bit hard into Nicholas' shoulder, spasming slightly as he climaxed. A moment later, he again found himself on his back, Nicholas roughly pushing his head to the side and taking his blood. Feeling Nicholas' muscles begin to loosen, LaCroix held him, encouraging the younger to drink more. As they calmed, their breathing slowed and the room became silent. Glancing down, he smiled upon noticing his son had fallen asleep. Through their connection, he was pleased to know that, at least for now, Nicholas' guilt and other thoughts had been pushed to the back of his mind. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. He let the warm water run over his skin, soothing him. This was something he needed. Nick leaned with his hands against the wall, his eyes closed as he tried to relax. Upon waking--now nearly a quarter of an hour before--he had found himself with LaCroix' arms wrapped possessively around him. It had taken a moment to free himself of the embrace while at the same time trying not to wake him. When he'd finally done so, he wasn't entirely sure if LaCroix was awake or not...nor was that the first thing on his mind. His first glimpse of the clock had been his reason for getting up. Otherwise, he would have willingly stayed there as long as he could. As it was, he had already missed the first hour of his shift. After the day's events, another shower had become a necessity. Despite being late, he had made up his mind that he wouldn't rush himself. He was rarely late...and in truth, he really didn't want to go to work tonight. If it were possible, he would just ignore it and stay here, letting the world go on without him. But...he couldn't. Not without having Schanke and Natalie on his case more than they already were. Rinsing the shampoo out of his hair, he turned the hot water off. Simply standing under the icy water finished waking him up, at which he quickly got out of the shower and dried off. Reaching for his clothes, which he'd tossed in the corner, he quickly dressed. That morning, it had been a mistake to not bring his clothes with him into the bathroom. If he had, perhaps...just perhaps events wouldn't have proceeded the way they had. But, did he really loathe what he'd done, or did he in truth, as his body was telling him, what it? Halting that line of thought, he pushed open the door and headed for the kitchen. Then, before even reaching his destination, he killed that thought as well. He really wasn't hungry...and he had drunk more than enough blood over the previous night and day. Realizing he didn't have his badge or weapon...or a clean set of clothes, for that matter, he cursed under his breath. Now he'd have to stop by the loft before heading to the precinct, making him even later. Quickly, he left the apartment and, as soon as he was outside, he took to the night air, thankful that he hadn't driven the Caddy. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. As Nick slouched into his chair, Schanke leaned forward and told him, "You know, Cohen's been looking for you. She wasn't too thrilled when you didn't show up." "I'm here, all right, Schank?" he practically snapped, wondering if he should have dressed quicker. But, no, that would have made him more uptight than he already was. "Okay, okay...I'm just warning you." Schanke shuffled some papers, and then stopped, watching his partner stare off in space. "Nick...you know, if this is really bothering you, you could talk to Cohen about it." "I'm fine." "Nick, you look like you've been up all day. If how you were two nights ago is any indication, you should probably head home. I'm sure Cohen would let you, considering everything." Nick shot a glare at his partner. Now, Schanke was telling him that he should go home because of the case. "I'm fine, Schanke," he said with tight, controlled words. "Perhaps you should listen to your partner, Knight. Right now, I'm going to suggest that you go home." Catching his gaze, she noticed that he wasn't quite his normal self. "I want to talk to you in my office for a moment." As she turned and left, Nick was careful to keep his emotions concealed. Standing, he stiffly walked into Cohen's office. "Close the door, Knight." He met her eyes a moment, and then reluctantly did as she asked. "I know this is hard on you. With Matt's death and tagging his shooter, I think you need a couple of more days off. Give yourself some time to deal with it." He locked his jaw. "Captain, I don't need any more time off." "If you don't take it, I will force you to if I have to, Knight." His attention snapped to her, and she continued, "Go home, Detective. Relax. We can go a couple of more nights without you here." Even though he really didn't want to be there, he also didn't want to be told what to do. He was tired of it. He locked onto her heartbeat, firmly stating, "*I don't need to go home, and I'm going to stay.*" "You're... You are going to go home, Knight." Nick kept his anger down. He was going to stay. "*You've thought more about it, and are going to tell me that I can stay. I don't need to go home.*" She hesitated. "You don't...." Snapping out of it, she completely forgot what she was telling Knight. "Get back to work, but I don't want you overdoing it." He gave her a half smile, and then quickly left the office before she changed her mind. Slipping into his chair, Nick saw the strange look on his partner's face. "What?" "I thought Cohen was going to send you home. What did you do to change her mind?" "Nothing. She just wanted to tell me to take it easy." "I don't believe it. You can get out of anything, can't you?" He shook his head, but stopped at the look his partner was giving him. "Okay, okay...I won't say anything else. Still, I agree with what she said out here." If Schanke asked him once more.... "I'm fine, Schanke. Please...just leave it at that." Schanke hesitated before responding. Focusing on the report in front of him, he hoped Nick would lighten up a little as the night went on. "Whatever you want, partner. Time to find Mr. Withers...no luck, yet." Shades of Grey - (06/21) Staring down at the stone jutting up out of the ground, Nick clenched his jaw. Hart's funeral had been that day. He, of course, had been unable to attend. And even if he had been able to go, he didn't know if he would have. He wasn't sure exactly why he had even come here. The day had been empty of any thoughts about this...yet leaving the Raven, he knew he would have to confront this sometime and figured now was as good a time as any. It was his fault that this grave was filled, and he fully admitted it. If he had only used his abilities, it wouldn't be there. If he hadn't been so weak, he would have acted without thought...and Matt would have survived. His thoughts on his wish for mortality were jumbled. Although he somewhat wanted to continue his search, he was questioning what good it would do. In the past, he had saved the lives of his partners more than once...and every time it had been possible because of what he was. He had saved them as a vampire. Being a vampire in itself wasn't that bad...it was just dealing with everything that came along with it. Although he enjoyed being able to fly, and would almost certainly have to move on to another life, mortality was still tempting to him, even if it probably wasn't the most logical choice. And yet, at this exact moment, he had no wish to be mortal. Not a shred of his being leaned in that direction, instead it was pulling him toward the Community and LaCroix. If it weren't for Natalie and Schanke, he would be more relaxed than he had been in a long time. He enjoyed spending time with LaCroix, and hoped their closeness would continue and build. He turned, standing still for a moment before taking to the sky and heading to the precinct. For now, he needed to bury his guilt somewhere where it wouldn't bother him and focus on other thoughts. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Mulling over his paperwork, Nick tried to keep up a semblance of working. All of a sudden, he felt like he wasn't accomplishing anything and never would. The end of yesterday's shift and what there had been of tonight had been...suffice it to say...boring. Work was repetitive, and it had been made clear to him that being mortal would either be the end of his career, or death to his partner. And then, there was his quest, his cure. He and Natalie weren't making much progress lately--she'd practically said it herself. All it had resulted in were a few false alarms and a hungry vampire. And then, the last few days, he'd been drinking human blood, and lots of it. It had him uptight and on edge, but at least the hunger wasn't gnawing at him. He liked the peace the blood gave a semblance of. Despite realizing LaCroix was at least partly right in that he can't deny what he is, he didn't want to disappoint Natalie, either. She had spent so much of the past few years helping him. He didn't want her to feel like it was all a waste. Perhaps he should just move on...leave and let the mortals get on with their lives. Yet, he knew he wouldn't. There were too many things here, too many memories. He snapped out of his thoughts as his partner tossed him his jacket. "What?" "Time to rock and roll, partner. We just got a call from our Mr. Withers. He's at a hotel across town and thinks he's safe for the moment, but knows he's being tailed." Standing up and slipping his jacket on, Nick asked, "By our suspect?" "That would be my guess. Let's get over there before he's found." As Schanke headed out, he hesitated, thinking how much faster he'd be able to get there if he flew. Shaking the thought away, Nick started after his partner, hoping the night would pass without any incidents. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Pulling into the hotel parking lot, neither wasted any time getting out and heading for the building. "Schank? Make sure the manager knows what's going on, and then catch up." Receiving a nod, Nick calmly but quickly headed for room 121. Scanning the numbers on this side of the building, he noticed they only went up to 115. Heading around to the other side, he could just see the door to the room. It was open. Picking up his pace, he pulled his gun out, wanting to be ready for whatever he'd find. Upon reaching the door, he stopped. Inside, he could hear nothing--no movements, and no signs of life. Going in, he quickly checked the room. As expected, no one was present. On the table, he spied some papers, and on one of them, he saw 'Mark Withers'. Exiting the room, he stretched out his senses. Upon hearing heavy footsteps and breathing a short distance away, he immediately headed in that direction. As the sounds stopped, he headed around the corner, and then abruptly halted. Only a few meters to the side and in front of him stood a man who he guessed was Withers. And, not far down along the building was the suspect, his gun aimed at Withers. Seconds later, Schanke was there near the suspect, gun aimed and telling him to surrender. Nick stepped out of the shadows, raising his weapon and echoing his partner's words. The next moments flew quickly by--literally. The suspect verbally refused to comply and took aim at Withers, who was frozen in place. In the next instant, Nick flew toward Withers, the gun was fired, and he felt a bullet hit him in the side as he pushed Withers to safety. Coming to a stop, he saw Schanke holding the shooter against the wall, his eyes bulging slightly and locked on him. The emotions in his partner's gaze he couldn't quite place...but he knew that this time he would have to explain. There was no way out of it. Sirens filled the air and he deliberately avoided Schanke as others arrived. Explanations could wait until later. Right now, he just wanted out of there, but knew he'd have to wait until at least they returned to the precinct. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Schanke scanned the room...again. His partner was nowhere to be seen. Ever since they'd returned with Withers, Nick had seemingly vanished. "Did you lose something, Detective? Your partner, perhaps?" "No, I...." He stopped upon seeing the look on Cohen's face. There was no use arguing. "Well, I guess you could say that. He disappeared after we came back here." "Then find him, Schanke." He watched as Cohen left, and then, he just stood there. Although he did want to find Nick, at the same time, he didn't. Without his partner there, it gave him time to think. And thinking is just what he needed to do. At the hotel, all was confusion. Only upon coming back here did things start to fall into place. He had seen his partner fly. Again. About two months before, Nick had saved his life by flying in front of a shooter and knocking him out. Not being able to comprehend it, he had found every scrap of information on his partner, which he had to admit, wasn’t much, and tried to piece it together. What he'd discovered made no more sense than what he'd seen. Nick was, by all indications, a vampire. Everything fit, dovetailing together to paint a very...unnerving picture. Through his search for an answer, he'd gone to anyone that he was aware Nick knew--Natalie, Janette...even that Nightcrawler guy. The last, he had bluntly asked if his partner was a vampire. His question, however, hadn't been answered. What he had learned, though, was whoever or whatever Nick was, he was still his partner. Until tonight, he had nearly forgotten about all of his prodding into Nick's affairs. Tonight, he had seen his partner fly. The action had resulted in saving Withers’ life, and if he'd seen correctly, Nick was also shot. A human couldn't have done what he'd seen, nor could a human walk away from that seemingly unscathed. The question was--why hadn't Nick saved Matt's life? If he had the ability to do so, then why didn't he? And, for that matter, why was Nick acting so hostile toward him? If Nick had nothing to hide--as in, if he was what he'd first believed--why was the other avoiding him like this? He was afraid his earlier decision about Nick had been too hasty. Worry and doubt crept their way in, his suspicions already on the rise. Nick was a vampire, and he knew what vampires were. He'd read enough to know that. And if his partner was a vampire...just how close was that description? "Detective, are you going to stand there for the remainder of your shift?" Cohen asked, snapping the other out of his thoughts. "Uh...no, Captain." Grabbing his jacket, he told her, "I'm on it." Then, before she could comment, he was out the door and after his partner. Shades of Grey - (07/21) From a table in the back of the Raven, Nick took a large sip of his glass. The blood wasn't helping. If anything, it was only making matters worse. At the scene, he'd managed to get their suspect to forget about seeing him, but Schanke was another matter. He hoped his partner had taken care of everything after they'd returned to the precinct. Withers, thankfully, hadn't seen him fly, nor had he any idea exactly what had happened. But Schanke.... Shaking his head, he pushed the thought off and took another sip of the blood. He could feel LaCroix' presence clearer now than he'd been able to for quite some time...in over a century, he'd guess. As the elder vampire approached, he followed every movement. When LaCroix sat across from him, he was faintly surprised. "What do you want, LaCroix?" "Shouldn't you be asking that of yourself? I know what you want, and I can see the need in your eyes. If you sit here much longer brooding over that bottle, you will reveal yourself to the mortals. Relax. Have a little...fun. Let what you are come to the surface. Do what you want to do, Nicholas." He gave a smile to his son, and then stood and headed back to the bar. Nick sat, staring at the green glass of the bottle, considering LaCroix' words. What, exactly, did he want? He wanted to get rid of this curse, or, perhaps more specifically, he didn't want to be a killer. Suddenly, something hit him. It was, ironically enough, something Natalie had told him more than once. He didn't have to kill for survival. In fact, he hadn't done so for some time. Being a vampire didn't mean he had to be a killer. He didn't have to eradicate the beast, but maybe he could come to terms with it. Perhaps LaCroix was right in that he should stop trying to change what he was. He didn't have to kill like LaCroix to still be what he was. He also knew that as a vampire, he could do far more good than as a mortal. If, per chance, he ever attained his cure, he had no idea what he would do with it. In reality, he hadn't thought much beyond wanting it. Sure, it would be nice to eventually have a family, to be able to live like the mortals...but did he really want that? LaCroix had told him--more times than he could count--that all mortality would give him would be death. Did he really want death? Then, there was the big question that was behind it all. What did he want to do in the future, and what did he want to do right now? He wanted to forget about the mortals and do what he wanted to do. Turning his attention to the main part of the club, the sounds of the music intensified as he focused on it, its strands permeating him. There, among those present was one of his kind, a woman. He had seen her on a number of occasions at the Raven. At one point, he remembered Janette mentioning her and pointing out her beauty. She had caught his eye, but he had never considered acting on his thoughts...until now. He wanted her, and he needed the blood that she could offer. Taking her would be nothing...no guilt to carry around, and no worries. His eyes flashed crimson, and with a faint smile, he approached her. She stopped dancing, returning his smile. "I know who you are." "Do you, really?" he asked, letting his nature just break the surface. Despite the almost mad look in his eyes, she kept calm. Stepping up to him, she seductively ran a finger from his lips, down his throat and finally down his chest. All the while, she didn't break eye contact. "From what I've heard, you've been...tamed...by the mortals." He spun her, his arms holding her tightly to him at her waist, his lips brushing against her ear. As his fangs just grazed her skin, he assured her, "I haven't been tamed...far from it, actually." "Hmm...and what is it you want, then? Being one of LaCroix', I wonder your intentions," she said, her voice betraying a hint of fear. "What I want, at the moment, is you." "And?" she asked, waiting to hear the conditions. "And that is all. Now, perhaps upon occasion in the future, but nothing permanent." The corners of her mouth turned up a little. As her hands covered his, she traced lines along the back of his hands and along his arms. "Then, what are you waiting for?" "For you to head over there," he said with a nod of his head, indicating a room connected to the club. She looked over, and she shook her head. "That's off-limits." "Not for me it isn't. Besides, it's more private than the back rooms." He again let his fangs nibble her skin, this time, focusing solely on her neck. They made their way through those gathered, and Nick pushed the door open with ease. Once inside, he let it close on its own, not bothering with the lock. After all, it *was* off-limits, and no one would dare enter for fear of LaCroix. As she turned in his hold, he took her mouth with his, kissing her deeply. Her hands unbuttoned his shirt, and a moment later, he felt them against his bare chest. He grinned, allowing his eyes to fully change for the first time. Watching as she practically marveled at his appearance, he commented, "You're fairly young, aren't you?" "Yes, I am." "Hmm...then you're in for a bit of a surprise...." With that, he stepped forward, leading her back until she was against the wall. Kissing her on the lips, he quickly turned his center of attention to her neck, and then lower. Her shirt was low-cut, and he teased the skin with his tongue and fangs, pushing the light fabric aside. Then, pulling her bra back with his fingers, he at first gently, and then more roughly, teased her breast until she was pressing herself against the wall, a soft moan escaping her lips. When he ceased his actions, their lips meeting and his hands firmly pulling her toward him, she told him, "No...don't stop. Please...." "We'll do more later. For now, I want to taste you...feel your life inside me." He kissed her again, his tongue caressing her fangs, arousing her further. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Schanke scanned the Raven for his partner. After trying Nick's home, and then Natalie at the morgue, he knew the other man had to be here. Yet...he wasn't. At least, he wasn't visible. That Nightcrawler guy, LaCroix, was sitting at the bar. Although he was sure the man would know where Nick was, he wasn't about to ask. He considered the bartender or one of the waitresses, but decided to try for a lower profile move. Lightly catching the arm of a young woman as she passed by him, he asked if she knew where Nick was. In response, he was directed toward a door across the room with the simple warning, 'but it's off- limits' and that he should wait. He did just that...for about a minute. Then, he headed resolutely for the door. Preparing to knock, he changed his mind and swiftly pushed the door open, stepped in, and let the door half-slam behind him. Merely a couple of feet away were his partner and a woman, and at his arrival, Nick had turned to him. His partner's eyes were gold, gleaming white fangs snarling at him with just a few drops of what appeared to be blood on them. Glancing to the woman, he noticed two marks--not much more than scratches by the looks of it--on her neck. The woman's blue eyes stared silently at him, more startled than anything. Nick was, indeed a vampire. Not only that, but Nick was...well, he wasn't quite sure what was going on, but the first thing that came to mind was that he was about to kill the woman. Schanke's anger flared, and he watched his partner's eyes turned to normal, an inhuman glint remaining in them, staring at him. Seeing Schanke standing there, Nick didn't immediately react. When the woman moved, he turned his attention to her. She looked up at him, and then toward Schanke, preparing to speak. Roughly, he turned her to look at him. "Leave, and speak of this to no one." Schanke watched as the woman almost imperceptibly nodded, then calmly and quietly left the room. Had Nick just hypnotized her? Or, more troubling to him, had Nick nearly killed that woman? Would she have become a victim, a very dead victim, if he hadn't come in this room? Did Nick, as a vampire, embody everything he'd read, ideas he could barely digest? "What the hell's going on, Knight?! Who was that and what were you doing?" Nick simply stared at the other man, holding the angry and confused glare. "Nothing to concern you with, Schanke." When Nick turned, the detective felt his anger reach a peak. Schanke took the other's arm, sharply pulling so that they were once again facing one another. "I deserve to know, Nick. You're my partner. I think I should know what I'm working with." At the last sentence, the vampire shoved the other into the wall, one hand pinning Schanke by the throat. The pressure was just enough to restrict the airflow and prevent speech. Half snarling, his fangs clearly visible, he stated, "This is what I am. What I have been. That's all there is." Loosening his grip, Nick took several steps away before spinning on his heel. "Now, leave me alone," he hissed, increasing the other's fear. Not daring to move, Schanke's emotions were mixed. He had probably been too forward with wanting an answer...but he hadn't expected Nick to react like he had, either. Standing there, he was honestly afraid of his partner. Simultaneously, he was angry enough that if it weren't for his reason and his fear, he'd be more forceful. His throat throbbed a little, reminding him that his partner could kill him--and easily. "Nick, I know what you are, and I want an explanation." "Get out," the vampire harshly stated, his eyes flashing scarlet. "Now." Swallowing, Schanke was aware that it would be suicide, literally, if he continued this now. Although he desperately wanted answers, the faint pain at his throat was his biggest clue that he should get out while he could. Now was not the best time to press this. Carefully, and as calmly as he could manage, he exited the room, heading for his car and returning to his thoughts. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. LaCroix entered the room seconds after the detective left, smiling. "I think that went quite well, really. He does have questions, though, and they will have to be dealt with." His son simply stared at him. "I could...deal with it for you, if you like? It wouldn't be any trouble...." "I'll take care of it, LaCroix. Later. He'll be fine for a little while." "Hmm...quite. What about the woman? I know she's young...but she seems to have quite a bit of life in her...." LaCroix' change of subject bothered him. It frustrated him to be reminded of what he almost had. "We didn't get that far, LaCroix. I only got a few drops of her blood, but I want more." "That's very good, Nicholas. I'm sure she'll still be willing tomorrow night. Relax...find another diversion...the night is still young." He watched as the elder vampire left with a soft chuckle. Although he wanted to do what LaCroix suggested, his thoughts told him otherwise. Slowly, his eyes mellowed, eventually returning to a cloudy blue. Schanke's interruption had...been quite a surprise. Even though it was apparent his partner wasn't going to take it well, he wasn't sure he really cared. Thoughts of quitting work and perhaps even leaving Toronto danced in his mind, nothing certain. Right now, only LaCroix seemed to understand. After tonight, he didn't really want to confront Schanke, and he and Natalie had been at odds since their argument. He just wanted to be left alone. Sitting in a chair, he closed his eyes and leaned back, listening to the near silence of the room. Shades of Grey - (08/21) Slowly making his way into the morgue, Schanke waited while Natalie finished what she was doing. When she paused, glancing to him, he asked, "Uh, Natalie, do you have a minute?" "I'm kind of in the middle of something. Can it wait?" Looking over at the table, it was obvious she was in the middle of an autopsy. He hesitated, then shook his head, telling her, "No, it can't. It's about Nick." At that, she halted her tasks. Nick wasn't something she really wanted to think about right now, but she didn't have much choice. "What about him?" she casually asked. "I really don't know how to put this, but I know you know more about him than most. Nick is, or at least I'm ninety-nine-point-nine percent sure he is..." he trailed off. He stood still not doing anything for a moment. Then, he spilled it, "Nick's a vampire." "Schanke, vampires don't exist. There has to be some-" "Rational explanation. Yeah, I know. Right now, the only thing reason is pointing at is that he's a vampire." Watching her prepare to protest, he continued. "Just hear me out, Nat. I've been driving around for the past hour trying to get things straight." Taking in a deep breath, he paused and watched as Natalie waited for him to continue. Then, focusing his thoughts, he explained, "I've been seeing the signs ever since we were made partners. When Nick took out that gunman a couple of months ago, he flew to do it. I had put it together then, but I let my reason convince me that I was wrong, that what I'd seen was a hallucination. And then, ever since Matt's death, he's been acting really strange.... Now, tonight, he did it again. He flew and pushed Withers out of the line of fire. Getting back to the precinct, Nick disappeared and Cohen sent me after him. I found him at the Raven. He was with this woman, and when he turned, his eyes and teeth.... He had gold eyes and these fangs...and there was blood. I swear, if I hadn't gotten there when I did, he would have killed her." Not wanting to believe what Schanke was saying, she asked, "Are you sure your eyes weren't playing tricks on you? That club is awfully dark, and-" "I saw what I saw, Nat. Then, when I confronted him, he turned on me, half choking me." He rubbed his neck, the muscles sore and somewhat bruised. "It still hurts. But...Nat, you should have seen him. I mean...he's not human." When Natalie remained silent, his eyes widened as if something hit him. "You know what he is, don't you? You've known and haven't done anything about it? He's a vampire, a killer." "He *was* a killer, Schanke, but he isn’t anymore." "Nat, I think he was going to kill that woman. I mean, that's what it looked like. He'd already cut her skin with his fangs. Then, when I came in, he sent her quietly on her way as if it were nothing. I know he's my partner, but...I don't know, Nat. I'm afraid of what he is, and I'm afraid to leave my life in his hands. He's saved me more than once, and he saved Withers, but why didn't he save Matt?" He paused, taking in a deep breath. Then he continued, "You know, I went over to Matt's to talk to his wife, Sandy. I got to see his daughter--she's a beautiful little girl. She's only three, but she knew her daddy wasn't coming home...I could see it, see the life literally drained from her. Nick probably had more than enough time to act and save Matt, and he just let it happen. How do I know it won't again? That the next time, it won't be me lying on the ground, with Myra and Jenny as the mourners?" "Schanke, Nick wouldn't-" "Wouldn't what? If you know what he is, if you've seen him like that.... Can you be completely certain he's not a killer? Tell me, can you?" She clenched her jaw. Schanke's words were hitting her harder than she wanted them to. About to say that she trusted Nick, she stopped, realizing that after their last conversation her trust in him had faded somewhat. "I don't know, Schanke," she said, shaking her head. "I'm not sure anymore, but I will talk to him later this morning. It's something I meant to do earlier. I'm not going to give up on him, not until there's no hope." "I'm going with you." "Schanke, I think I can handle this." "No, I'm going. You might still have trust in him, but I'm not as sure anymore. He has the capacity to hurt people...and it just seems like he's almost out of control. Besides, I want to hear his answer as well." Schanke's statement struck her, and although she knew Nick wouldn't, she nodded. Perhaps, at least, with both of them there, Nick would be easier to deal with. Or, she hoped he would, anyway. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. "Please, just leave," Nick repeated from his chair as Schanke and Natalie came closer. They'd come in a few minutes ago, and had made no move to leave or any comments since his first attempt. "I'm not leaving, Nick." Reaching for the bottle on the table, Natalie had it snatched from her just before touching it. "Don't do this, not after all of the progress you've made." "Progress? What progress? All we've done is bring me closer to death." "Closer to mortality," she argued. "It's the same thing, isn’t it?" he countered, taking a drink from the bottle. "Mortals are weak, and I do not want to be weak. After all this time, I've finally realized that LaCroix' right. I am what I am, and there's nothing I can, or should do, to change it." Natalie tensed at the calmness of his tone. It was as if he'd made up his mind and that was it. At the same time, he seemed somewhat on edge, just hidden by his relaxed exterior. "Nick, Matt's death wasn't your fault." At that, Schanke just about blew up. "He was right there, Nat. All he had to do was one of his little tricks and Matt would have lived." Then, coming to stand in front of Nick, he continued, "But you weren't in the mood to save him, were you? You can pick and choose who lives and dies, and I'm not sure if I like my position in all of that." "Schanke..." she warned, knowing this wasn't going to go over well. "Nat, I'm just saying how it is." Focusing on his partner, Schanke stated, "I don't know if I should keep being your partner. Who knows when I might get in another life and death situation thinking you'll back me up but you don't. I don't want Myra and Jenny to lose me, and I won't allow that opportunity to come up. Tomorrow night, I'm going to request a transfer from Cohen." Holding his anger in, Nick stood. "Don't even bother, I'll just quit and make it easier for you." With that, he pushed passed Natalie, heading for the kitchen. When she moved in front of him, blocking his way, he hissed, "Move! Just get out and let me be." As he prepared to slide by her again, she stopped him with her arm, which she quickly found a tight grip around. Refusing to back off, she said, "How dare you just brush all of this off. How dare you throw the last five years away. Our work, your job.... Nick, you were doing good, you were-" "....starving myself. Killing myself. I'm not going to do that any longer." She felt the grip on her wrist loosen, and as he walked away, she again stopped him with her hand. "What, are you going to start hunting and killing again? Nick, is that what you really want? To become what you detest?" He grabbed Natalie, pulling her against him and holding her head back. Seeing this, Schanke started to approach. "Let go of her, Nick. If you hurt her, I swear I'll...." "Do what?" Nick let his eyes glow and his fangs descend. "If you know what I am, you also know that I could kill her before you took another step!" "Please, Schanke, just stay back. He won't hurt me." Hesitantly, the mortal detective did as he was told, but kept a close watch. The man, the vampire before him, wasn't Nick, wasn't his partner. In every movement, every glance, he saw a killer. He didn't like what he saw. As the room's silence created tension, Nick pulled Natalie closer and asked, "Are you so sure I won't, Natalie?" "You don't want to hurt anyone, I know that." He leaned closer, letting his lips brush against her ear, fighting the urge to let his fangs break the delicate skin. The blood was taunting him, and he needed more of it. But, he couldn't get more until they left. "What I want is to do what I want to do...not what everyone else tells me. I want to be left alone." Releasing his hold and pushing her slightly toward the door, he hissed, "Get out." Then, he turned, grabbed a bottle of blood from the fridge, and started for the stairs, not waiting for them to leave. Natalie turned to Schanke, and then, without a word, started for the elevator. Together, they rode down and left, neither wanting to say anything about what had just happened. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. After changing and getting ready for bed, Nick half rolled and half tossed himself onto his bed, and then just lay there. He was tired and his mind was filled with far too many different thoughts. Closing his eyes, he pushed everything that was currently going on away, leaving only the past. And, no matter what long ago memory came to the surface, almost every one of them contained LaCroix. Ironically, here in the present, LaCroix was the only one that wasn't trying to make him do something he didn't want to do. He laughed slightly. In the past, it had always been the other way around. He wanted to do something and wasn't able to because it didn't fit LaCroix' mold. Now, he just wasn't fitting everyone else's views of who he should be. Remembering what happened two days ago at the Raven, he smiled. Things had happened so quickly, and honestly, he had wanted them to. He enjoyed the day spent with the elder vampire and the closeness they shared. It had been over a century since they had been anywhere near this close...since before LaCroix' little prank that had backfired. Now, they were once again growing closer, and he didn't mind it. Whether LaCroix' kindness to him was merely because he was finally coming to his senses or if it was part of another game, he didn't care. He needed someone that wasn't pushing him in any particular direction, and at the moment, that person was LaCroix. Where Janette was, he wasn't sure, but he needed more than just the blood and hint of intimacy they would share. He was somewhat glad she was apparently out of town, as he wouldn't have to listen to her suggestions. It was one less person to argue with. Yet, he needed to truly feel as if he was being wanted...needed. In LaCroix' blood, he had tasted that, and he had to have more of it. And, as soon as the opportunity arose, he would have more of it again. Earlier, Schanke's words had hurt. He didn't want anyone to die, and certainly not Natalie or Schanke. Despite deciding that being a vampire had its advantages, he didn't want to hunt...and most importantly, he didn't want to kill. Perhaps the next night would be different. The last several nights-- the last one, especially--he knew he hadn't exactly been easy to deal with. He wouldn't be surprised if Schanke did put in a transfer. If he did, it didn't matter to him--he could just quit and make it easier for everyone. It didn't matter to him what the mortals did or thought of him. Trying to fall asleep, he just became more and more awake. The truth was, it did matter to him. It mattered that he could see the fear and anger...even hints of pain in Natalie and Schanke. But...he was what he was, and vampires and mortals didn't mix well. Hadn't LaCroix told him that at some point? Whatever the case, he would have to do what he wanted--to help others in some way--and if it was without them, then so be it. He could quit his job and move on. He could spend time with LaCroix and try to rebuild their friendship and whatever else that may accompany it. As he thought, leaving was sounding more appealing by the second. Yet, did he really want to go? He didn't really know, but if he did, he would have to do so carefully and make sure he didn't leave things hanging. If he left, he didn't know what he would tell Natalie, if anything. Perhaps simply leaving would be best, even though in his heart, he didn't want to. Leaving his thoughts to that, he again tried to drift off, and this time, he succeeded after a few conquests over his thoughts. Shades of Grey - (09/21) Arriving at the precinct at his usual time, Nick found that Schanke was already there. In fact, the other man was just now coming out of Cohen's office. As Schanke sat down at his desk, frustrated, the Captain called him over into her office and told him to sit. Closing the door, Cohen immediately asked, "What is going on with you and your partner? I just got a request for a transfer from Schanke." Nick met her eyes for a moment, and then pulled out his resignation, badge, and gun. "Don't bother with the transfer, I'm resigning." She held her position, staring at Knight as he put the items on her desk and stood. "I'm not accepting it, Knight. Either explain to me what's going on, or get back to work." Silently, he waited for her to continue. Then, he prepared to leave. "You walk out of this office, and I'll consider you AWOL." She watched her detective halt and turn to her. "I'm not putting Schanke's transfer through, either. Take your weapon and badge back, and get to work. Whatever the problem is, you will work it out." Making no move to do as she asked, he locked onto her heartbeat, stating, "*You are going to think about it, and you're going to let me go home.*" For a moment, she remained silent. Then, shaking away her thoughts, she told him, "You are going to go to your desk and get to work. I want you and Schanke to deal with whatever is going on, and I want you both on task." Nick suppressed his anger as well as he could. Cohen's mind was already made up on this, and there was nothing he could do to change it. Snatching up his badge and gun, he left the office, not bothering with retrieving his letter of resignation. Reaching his desk, he allowed his gaze to meet his partner's before heavily sitting down. Schanke watched the vampire carefully. Recalling the last time Nick left Cohen's office, the Captain's mind somehow radically changing; he remembered that vampires had the ability to hypnotize humans. "Well, as I'm sure you know after trying to convince Cohen otherwise, she's made up her mind for good this time." He laughed slightly, and leaned closer, lowering his voice to a whisper. "I bet you don't get frustrated much, Knight...or whatever your name is. Must be a real pain, isn't it? To have to deal with this like a human being." Glaring at the mortal, Nick reminded himself that Schanke didn't really know him...and by the sound of it that morning, hadn't previously been aware of what he and Natalie had been working toward. Ignoring Schanke, Nick grabbed some papers, trying to focus on work. But, remembering Natalie, he paused. He'd been harsh to her since all of this manifested. True, her words had at times hurt him just as much if not more than his, but she was mortal. Unlike him, she didn't have the option to just forget about it all and move on to another life. She had to take everything as it came. As a stack of papers was dropped in front of him, Nick jumped, coming out of his thoughts. "If we have to work together, you can use some of that zoning out time to help with the paperwork. I'm not letting you get away with just sitting there, watching us mortals struggle along." Standing, Schanke told him, "I'm going to get something to eat...I'd offer to get you something, maybe swing by the blood bank, but you'd probably rather get it straight from the source yourself." As his partner left him at the desk, Nick winced. So much for hoping Schanke would react better given time to think. He'd been too close to the edge the night before...too close to losing control. He'd physically hurt both Schanke and Natalie. It wasn't anything permanent, but he knew he'd hurt them. Not only that, but he'd also made them both doubt. He'd shown both of them what he was and what he, as a vampire, could do. Pulling out his badge, he fingered the leather. He'd made them doubt, triggering thoughts that had been present for some time, which in turn made him doubt. If he just left, things would be so much easier. Yet, he knew that to leave he'd have to make preparations. As it was, it would take him a couple of days, at least, to get everything ready. For now, he would just hope things would settle down. He knew Natalie would, eventually accept his decision, but...Schanke was a different matter. He was more unpredictable. He pulled the first file off the stack and started to work on it. The one good thing about the paperwork was that he could do this and not have to think about everything going on around him for the night. When the end of his shift came, that would be a different matter, but he'd deal with it when it arrived. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Turning the Caddy's ignition off, Nick just sat, relaxing. The night had been, in one word, awful. So had the last several, for that matter. Ever since Schanke had seen him, the other just kept on pushing him. Schanke hadn't stopped his little reminders over the course of the last few nights. Some of them were simple, mentioning what he was...but others hit too close. If anything, he would say the tension between them had increased. He dreaded going inside. Would either Natalie or Schanke drop by today? Unless he changed the alarm code, his partner would have no trouble getting in. And Natalie...well, she had a key to the stairs, so changing the alarm code wouldn't help much on that. Sunrise would be in another ten minutes, but he just continued to sit. He really didn't want to argue with anyone today. He just wanted peace. If he and Natalie weren't at such odds, he would possibly suggest she come over to watch a movie...but that wouldn't work out right now. As dawn approached, he got out of the car and took to the sky. With less than a minute left, he put his hand on the door to the Raven. Hesitating, he closed his eyes and entered, hoping this wasn't the wrong thing. Inside, he found the main part of the club deserted. Heading for the apartment, he knew LaCroix would be there; he could feel the elder vampire's presence. Reaching the main entrance, he stopped. Then, he resolutely turned the knob, opening the door. Stepping in, he went to the kitchen, where he found LaCroix pouring two glasses of blood. It was somewhat of a surprise, but only a small one. LaCroix would have known of his decision to come here before his feet left the ground at the loft. With a partial smile, LaCroix handed one of the glasses to his son. "Drink...relax. You've had a long night." He met his sire's gaze for a few seconds, and then nodded slightly. The last several nights had been hard...and they had seemed much longer than usual. Taking the glass, he was pleased that LaCroix hadn't chided him about his foolishness of working among the mortals. He had come here for peace, and that's what he was going to have. Sipping the blood, he relaxed a little and leaned against the wall. LaCroix watched him, the action somewhere between annoying and comforting. Although he wasn't used to being around the other this much, he easily slipped into past routines. It wasn't difficult. Finishing the glass, he approached, holding it out and letting LaCroix fill it full--all as if it were one fluid action. This time, Nick turned and headed into the other room, sitting on the couch and taking a small sip of the blood. The blood both calmed and excited him. "Something is on your mind, Nicholas. Something is troubling you." He looked up to where the elder vampire stood, almost hovering over him. "Just leave it be." "It's your mortal friends, isn't it? Your partner, in particular?" His son didn't comment. "I suggest that you take a break from them." Calmly draining his glass, Nick stood and started for the kitchen. When LaCroix stopped him, he glared into the other's eyes, his gold meeting pale blue. "Nicholas, you need-" The younger snarled at him, and in an instant, he was pinned against the wall. He softly smiled. "That's good, Nicholas. Let out your frustration. Let out your anger. Those pathetic mortals don't know what they're dealing with. They don't know how lucky they are that you can hold back your emotions. What you need is to let it out." With LaCroix still held tightly in place, Nick tried to calm himself. He wanted to let it out. He wanted more between him and LaCroix...but he couldn't. The blood, yes, but not the rest. He wasn't quite ready for any advances from LaCroix. Soon, but not yet. Releasing the elder vampire, Nick changed directions, heading down the hall. With LaCroix' eyes on him, he slipped into the first room he saw--the spare room. It was, more or less, his room, as he was the only one that ever stayed the day. Earlier that year, when LaCroix had just returned to Toronto, it had been his room. Janette was presently out of town, and LaCroix had apparently taken over her room for the duration. He was tired and needed silence. Once he had somewhat calmed, he decided to try to get some sleep, even if he knew it would come slowly--if at all. Stripping down to his boxers, he slipped into the bed and wrapped the covers around him. The warmth helped his muscles relax, but his mind still wanted an outlet. Lying there, he stared at the ceiling, consciously keeping his breathing slow and preventing his muscles from tightening too much. Slowly, he felt himself somewhat drifting off, but not completely. His thoughts on the present were bringing up haunting memories from the past--ones he'd rather not remember again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [France: 1230] Smiling over at the elder vampire, he wondered what else they would do while his sister was away. So far, LaCroix had taken him hunting each night, and they had each delighted in the hunt and their game. It was wonderful, and he hoped tonight would be the same. He grabbed his cloak, only for LaCroix to pull it gently off his shoulders. "Are we not going to go hunting tonight?" "Perhaps, but later. It is time for a lesson." His curiosity piqued at that. "What kind of a lesson?" LaCroix approached after putting the cloak down, stopping behind Nicholas. "You have yet to shed your mortal beliefs. They are nothing to you and they must go." Now, he was confused. He had done all that LaCroix had asked of him. Some things he had done hesitantly, but he had done them. He had killed and hunted...some of those times he never wanted to remember doing. He was, as far as his mortal beliefs were concerned, damned for his thoughts and actions. "But...I have. I hunt with you and Janette, I-" A touch of anger surfaced. "You do not embrace all that we are. Vampires are bound by different morals...we have an open slate from which to act." He touched the other on the side of the neck, at which Nicholas tensed but didn't pull away. "You must shed your inhibitions. As a vampire, gender is blurred. We may be the companion of whom we wish without boundaries." Moving away, he looked at the other. He had an idea of where the other was going, and he hoped he was wrong. "What are you suggesting?" "You know what, Nicholas. I can feel your thoughts. They must go. Only then will you be able to fully enjoy what you are." As LaCroix approached with a straight face, he backed away, shaking his head. He couldn't do this, not now. With time, perhaps...but not now, not like this. "Please, don't do this, LaCroix. Please don't...." Flying the remainder of the distance between them, LaCroix caught the younger as he tried to flee. Even while his son struggled, he held the other tightly against him. "You must learn, Nicholas. The more you struggle, the worse it will be. If you relax, this will be quite pleasurable, I assure. The choice is entirely up to you." He only shook his head harder, wanting nothing to do with this 'lesson.' Using all of his strength, he couldn't even budge within the grip. A moment later, he felt his clothes being literally ripped off him, the sound of shredding fabric painful to his ears. He screamed as LaCroix pushed him toward the wall, now not a scrap of fabric on him. He knew for a fact that no one heard him, or, if by chance someone had, they wouldn't be able to do anything. The wall was cold against his skin, his muscles tensing, freezing in place. Over and over he kept telling himself that LaCroix would stop, that the other wouldn't do this to him. Then, a few moments later, he felt strong arms pulling him back, his bare skin contacting the other's. His fangs descended out of fear, sinking into the elder vampire's arm and ripping the flesh. As he was held tighter, he knew the action had been a mistake. Putting his lips to the younger's ear, LaCroix told him, "I do not wish to hurt you, but you must shed this." His son fought against him, once more frantically attempting to free himself. "If you continue like this, it will be painful. Relax, and you may enjoy it." The words weren't helping. In fact, he barely heard them. He wanted away, and that was his sole coherent thought. Trying to slip loose, he went to the ground and rolled into a ball...but, although it succeeded momentarily, it only delayed what was to come. He felt LaCroix' anger grow more at his actions. Being pulled upward, and then pinned to the wall, he screamed again. The next thing he knew was pain as LaCroix invaded him, tearing the delicate tissue of his anus. As the elder vampire continued, forcefully thrusting into him, he felt hot blood tears trail down his cheeks. Helpless to the other, he had no choice but to endure this torture, this punishment for doing no crime. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nick abruptly sat up, trying to push the thoughts away. This was all he needed right now...memories of that first time with LaCroix. With his sire's present advances, he really didn't want to think about what LaCroix had done to him all those years ago. True, things had been resolved, but he had believed that memory long killed and buried. Taking several deep breaths, he leaned back onto his pillow, trying to focus on the present. Now, his thoughts were once again returning to Schanke, and he again stared at the ceiling, much as he had only minutes before. He needed rest...he needed sleep. Already, he knew that any sleep would be fitful at best. But, he had to try. Shades of Grey - (10/21) He wasn't sure how much time passed. It could have been an hour, or two...or even five and he wouldn't have been able to tell the difference. Reaching for the table where he placed his watch, Nick caught the time--it was nearly two in the afternoon. Still, he'd gotten no rest. At this rate, he'd still be awake by the time his shift started. By then, he'd be useless with all of the thoughts running around in his head. Snapping his head toward the door as LaCroix opened it, his eyes flashed gold. At the moment, he wasn't sure if he wanted the other to come nearer or leave. Having a pretty good idea what would happen if it were the first of those two, he slowly sat up. "Please leave, LaCroix. I'm not ready for anything more. Not yet...please." LaCroix approached and sat on the edge of the bed. His eyes met the amber eyes of his son, which were slowly changing to crimson, watching as Nicholas' breathing quickened. He was pleased to see Nicholas like this, his desires so very close to the surface. With one hand, he reached forward and cradled the side of his son's face. As Nicholas leaned into the touch, he carefully examined the other. The sheets lay folded in his son's lap, the muscles of the younger vampire's chest and arms slowly loosening. Nicholas' neck was so inviting as it was bared...almost as if it were there just for him. He moved closer, his eyes wandering over the bare skin. His son's breathing, although still slow and calm, was deepening. Leaning closer, he tried to kiss the younger--and failed. As Nicholas attempted to pull away, LaCroix held him tightly in place. "You must let what you are feeling out, Nicholas." When LaCroix again moved to kiss him, Nick tensed but allowed the action. As the other pushed his way into his mouth, then, and only then, did he begin to relax. Nick fell back, and LaCroix easily pinned him to the bed, not ceasing the kiss. His fangs descended so far at the teasing they practically hurt. With the way he felt, all he could do was lay there and let LaCroix do what he wanted. In truth, it wasn't that bad...except for the fact that he knew his sire would be disappointed later. Roughly struggling from the grip, Nick shoved LaCroix off him, nearly sending the elder vampire to the floor. Now, as both their eyes had changed, he could almost see a hint of anger underneath LaCroix' exterior. "I can't, LaCroix. I can't do this...it's too soon. Please, just go." Straightening, LaCroix stiffened. He watched as his son rolled onto his side, turning away from him. The younger's need for release flowed across their bond. Aware of the reason of Nicholas' refusal, he decided he wouldn't let this end here--for either of them. He stood, noticing the muscles in Nicholas' back tighten further. His son would never be able to relax in the state he was in. Slowly but purposely, he undressed, his pajamas being haphazardly tossed on the floor. Nearing the side of the bed, he hesitated as the younger tensed, curled up into a tighter ball, and held the sheets even tighter than before. Halting his approach, he sensed Nicholas' fear--primarily the fear of being raped. He knew that if he did force this, his son would react. It would, very probably, end up being the end of their closeness. Despite this, Nicholas needed release, and he had an idea. Reaching forward, he pulled Nicholas closer, rolling him onto his back. His son's eyes, presently a grey-blue, stared back at him. Nicholas was afraid of him right now, something he'd rather not have. Carefully, he removed the younger vampire's boxers, increasing the fear he felt. Now, they were both completely naked, but they merely stared into one another's eyes. Slowly closing the distance between them, LaCroix did what he could to block out the snarl and the growl that was beginning in Nicholas' chest. Just above the source of the noise, he placed a kiss on the taut skin, and then another and another, working his way first over to a nipple, and then toward his son's neck. Stopping upon reaching Nicholas' collarbone, he repeated his actions on the other side. By the time he finished that, his son had visibly relaxed, although it was obvious he was still uncomfortable. Cautiously, he continued upward, stopping upon reaching the bottom of the younger's ear. Nicholas' breathing had sped up, and it now came in short, shallow breaths. Approaching ever closer, he brushed his lips against Nicholas', and then gently slipped his tongue into the other's mouth. Ever so gradually, his son responded to his actions. First, their tongues mingled--not fighting like they were at first. He felt his son's hands on his arms, and then, a moment later, wrapping around his back, pulling him closer. Teasing Nicholas' fangs, he soon found himself on his back, Nicholas pinning him down. When the younger pulled away and got off the bed, he looked up. The face that stared back at him was somewhere between angry and...something. Nicholas' muscles were again stiffening, and his attempts to get them to relax weren't working. Looking down on LaCroix with a glare, Nick stated, "I can't do this, LaCroix, not now. I told you that before." As his son released him and prepared to leave, he grabbed the other's arms, telling him, "Do what you want, Nicholas. Anything. I can tell you want release. It is yours to take." He paused, the meaning of LaCroix' words not escaping him. Yet, he couldn't believe the other would allow this; not after all this time. "LaCroix...." "Nicholas, you may do as you wish. Just as you have given me permission in the past, I give you my permission now." He was at a loss for what to say. Never had LaCroix even considered allowing him this in the past. Never. Nor had there been any hints in LaCroix' blood about the possibility of this. He let his eyes mellow until they were nearly blue. Backing away, he crossed the room, trying to make sense of this. Closing his eyes, he felt LaCroix' approach. "I can feel your needs, Nicholas. Act on them. Do what you want...do as *you* desire," he urged, stopping and gently resting a hand on Nicholas' shoulder. His son stiffened at the touch, but otherwise remained still. Through their bond, he was aware that Nicholas wanted this, even if he didn't understand why he was offering. "I know your thoughts, act on them. Let what you are come to the surface and do as you please." He tried to ignore LaCroix' words, but it was impossible. The elder vampire was only telling him to do what he wanted. Yet, he more than wanted this--he needed it. Blood on its own only dulled his hunger, yet this, he knew, would satiate it. Above all, he knew he really did want this...he wanted to be with LaCroix even if he wasn't ready for what the elder vampire wished. While keeping his eyes closed, he let his eyes change and fangs descend once again. Turning, his gaze immediately met with the elder vampire's, and he watched a grin find its way onto LaCroix' face. Before his sire had the opportunity to react, Nick pulled and then half-shoved him toward the wall. LaCroix barely had enough time to raise his hands and stop himself from before being hurled into the surface. He again heard a faint rumble coming from Nicholas' chest. The sound soothed him...somewhat calming and relaxing him for what was to come. Surprisingly light kisses were trailed down LaCroix' back, an occasional nip interrupting the otherwise gentle actions. He leaned his head to the side as Nicholas' attention reached his neck. The younger vampire's fangs teased him, making him momentarily forget about what he was going to allow. Nicholas' erection pressed slightly into him as his son continued to nip and half torment him with the faint sensations. "Nicholas, please...." Needing no further coaxing, Nick held LaCroix harder against the wall. Standing behind the elder vampire, he hesitated--not because he didn't want this, but because he wasn't sure the other did. "Nicholas!" That plead was all that was needed. Even before his name was fully pronounced, Nick pushed himself into LaCroix, eliciting a gasp from the other's lips. At first, he wasn't sure if the reaction was good or bad. Feeling faint reassurances from the elder vampire, he slowly slid deeper, and the elder momentarily tensed. Not slowing his pace, he took LaCroix not much differently than some of their past encounters had proceeded. After he had established a rhythm, he felt LaCroix relax and literally open up to him. On each thrust, he pulled the other against him harder and harder, trying to impel LaCroix as far as possible. Having the elder vampire before him like this was, he had to admit, quite satisfying. And, if what he was getting across their bond was any indication, LaCroix was enjoying this just as much, if not more than himself. Driving himself particularly hard into LaCroix, Nick held his position, feeling the other squirm in his grasp. Nipping the skin on his sire's upper back, he slowly licked away the droplets of blood, sending a shiver through both of them. Nick watched the other lean heavily against the wall, and then, he abruptly continued where he left off, surprising LaCroix slightly. He smiled to himself, realizing he was enjoying this as far more than just a release. He, truthfully, took pleasure in being here with LaCroix. Time turned slowly by, and he relished every second of their time together. Feeling LaCroix spasm, he gave the other his wrist. As fangs ripped into his veins he closed his eyes, holding his sire back and against him. Even as his blood was drained, he felt nothing but pleasure. His sire released his wrist, and after a short pause, Nick thrust a few more times into the elder vampire and reached his own climax. He bit hard into the bared neck before him, nearly ripping it off in an attempt to get better access. The blood that flowed into him tasted almost warm...its texture richer than even the other times they'd recently shared blood. He drank until he was filled to the brim, at which he finally pulled away and out of LaCroix. Abruptly, he felt tired...exhausted. Before Nick could think about anything else, however, he found LaCroix pulling him against him, their tongues exploring each other's mouths, tasting the mixture of their blood. As they kissed, they slowly made their way to the bed, easily slipping into it while continuing. LaCroix rolled over him, and upon ending the kiss, they shared blood each tasting the other and themselves flowing into them. Relaxing further with more of LaCroix' blood, Nick felt himself begin to drift off. Finally, after being awake for about twenty-four hours, he was going to be able to sleep. His arguments with Schanke and Natalie were pushed to the far corner of his mind, and all that was important were himself and LaCroix. He smiled, pulling the elder vampire closer, initiating yet another kiss before he fell asleep, not wanting to ever have to get up again. Shades of Grey - (11/21) The air swept through his hair, invigorating his exposed skin. Flying toward the precinct, Nick looked back at the last hour or so. He'd woken up...about the time he would normally be leaving for work. Aware he still had time to get there, he'd taken a quick shower and dressed...but LaCroix had caught him while getting his breakfast. They had talked--mostly about inconsequential matters--and the next time he looked at the clock, it was twenty-five minutes after the beginning of his shift. He'd left almost immediately, not even considering getting the Caddy. He really didn't want to argue tonight, and who would drive would just be one of those arguments. Since he didn't have a car, that conversation would be short if it even existed. Landing about a block from the precinct, he straightened his clothes as much as he could. They were the same ones he'd worn the night before except for the shirt, and as such, he was in all black. He'd borrowed one from LaCroix hoping that it would make it less obvious that he hadn't changed. The shirt was a little big, but that was barely noticeable as long as he kept his jacket on. Heading toward the building, he slowed upon reaching the doors. What would Schanke be like tonight? And, how long could he handle this before he or LaCroix had to do something about it? He easily crossed through the bullpen, slipping into his chair for the most part unnoticed. Whether Cohen saw him or not, he didn't know, nor did he really care. He wasn't late often, so he wasn't too concerned...even if it was the second time he had been of recent. Schanke glanced up at the movement across from him. There Nick was, looking much like he had the night before...at least, to a point. His partner's cheeks were slightly rosy; not the pale shade they usually were. He swallowed, only able to think of a few things to account for that, and considering just what his partner was, that ruled at least one of them out. Fully aware of the other man's scrutiny, Nick asked, "What?" "Nothing. We have a couple of leads to follow up on for our last couple of cases, and however much I would love to do this alone, Cohen isn't going to let us get away with it." Nick nodded faintly, standing and waiting for the other to do the same. At least Schanke's tone was civil so far. It was almost normal...but only almost. If they had to do this together, then they would. He could deal with it...at least he thought he could. Staring at his partner, Schanke couldn't believe how relaxed the vampire was. He was just taking everything like it was nothing-- which it very well might be to him. Stiffening, he started for the exit, Nick right behind him. In a harsh whisper, he said, "I'm driving. I don't need you zoning off to whatever century it is you zone off to and getting us killed. Correction, getting me killed as you don't have to worry much about that." "Fine. It doesn't matter to me." Schanke halted right there. Nick was actually not going to argue with who was going to drive. Good. At least he'd feel a bit safer in his car than the Caddy, anyway...and warmer, too. Continuing the remainder of the distance to Schanke's car, Nick slowed coming closer to the passenger side. There, through the front windshield, he could make out something...just barely. As they got in, Nick paused somewhere between standing and sitting, staring at what was hanging from the rearview mirror--a rosary. The cross dangled, directly facing him, taunting him. From the driver's seat, Schanke casually started the ignition. In his peripheral vision, he saw his partner's hesitation. "Come on, Knight, I think both of us would like this over with as quickly as possible." Carefully, keeping the majority of his attention on the rosary, Nick sat down. "Would you mind taking that down?" He glanced to the rosary, and more specifically, the cross. It was clear that crosses most definitely worked. At least that theory was proved. Since it didn't seem to be doing any direct harm to his partner, Nick could stand it--at least for a night. "Yes, I do mind. It's a symbol of my religious beliefs." Then, to himself, he added, 'And it keeps you a little in-check for the time being.' As Schanke pulled out of the parking lot, Nick leaned against the door. If his partner wanted to feel safe, let him. As long as the rosary stayed where it was, he could deal with it...even if its mere presence made him cringe. Pulling out into traffic, Schanke pushed, more curious than anything, "So what were you doing with that woman at the Raven the other night?" "Nothing." That, however, he knew was not the truth. One can't release a little blood and call it nothing...particularly not a vampire. Glancing skeptically at the other, he scoffed, "Yeah, right." "Why should you care?" "Because I'm a cop, or did you forget that? In case it slipped your mind, we're supposed to help people, protect people--not murder them." Nick clenched his jaw tighter. He knew Schanke was only stating what he saw...but...the words still bit into him. "I am not a murderer." "Oh yeah, your kind just kills for the blood like how humans slaughter animals for the meat, right? Just to get this straight--I am not a piece of walking fast-food, even if your mightier than thou view of mortals tells you that. I don't appreciate being compared to a hamburger." "I wasn't comparing." Schanke paused. His partner hadn't compared it...but he was just stating how he felt right now. "Not verbally, but what you are and how you were acting the night me and Natalie came over does." His anger threatened to boil over, and ironically enough, Schanke's rosary was the only thing preventing it. Schanke was right...but...he was tired. He had hoped Schanke would take this better, considering a couple of months ago. But then, he didn't think Schanke actually believed what he'd come to discover then, either. "Just drop it, okay, Schanke? I'd like to get out of here as soon as possible, and with you driving as slow as you are right now arguing with me, it'll be a century before we arrive." Holding his tongue, Schanke pushed his foot down harder, going a bit faster than the speed limit. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. With his attention locked on the shiny silver cross at the end of the rosary, Nick counted how long they'd been driving. It had been just under two minutes since starting the drive back to the precinct, and he knew they still had a while left. Watching his partner, whose frustration was palpable, Schanke made a right turn, purposely planning to make their trip longer. Noticing their course change, Nick asked, "What did you do that for?" "No reason. Just thought you'd like to avoid Cohen," he said, more or less truthfully. Nick glared at the other, knowing full well that wasn't the reason. Or, at least, not the only reason. "So...what's with the recycled clothes, Knight? Didn't manage to make it home, did you?" At that, he became slightly uncomfortable. He hadn't expected Schanke to notice...but then, Schanke noticed a lot of things. "Why would you say that?" "You haven't shaved for the past three days, and other than your shirt, you seem to be wearing the same thing as last night. What, did you have a date, get your victim's blood on your shirt and have to borrow one from that Nightcrawler friend of yours?" Schanke paused, seeing Nick move closer to the door. He tensed, guessing that the reaction was probably because he was at least partially right. Nick tried to remain calm. Other than the blood, Schanke had been more or less right--but he certainly wasn't going to release any details. Flashing on his partner with the woman--Nick's shirt unbuttoned and the woman's off her shoulder--Schanke hesitated, wondering just what Nick had planned to do that night. His anger rose, and he blurted out, "Do you just kill them, or rape them as well?" Nick's eyes flared crimson at what the last question implied, settling into a deep amber. No matter what anyone said, he was not a rapist. "Don't accuse me of what you don't know." His eyes momentarily shifted to the rosary, after which he continued, "Despite your earlier mention of religious beliefs, I know full well you've never hung a rosary from your rearview mirror, or are active in confessions--by your own admission and what I've seen." Staring at the rosary again, bits of silver reflecting light between the deep green beads, the crucifix on the end shining at him, he reached forward and pulled it from its place, snapping the links. A couple of the beads fell off at the action. Then, grabbing the cross in one hand, he yanked it from the rest of the rosary. The bulk of the object was thrown into the back seat, the cross going out the window a couple of seconds later. Retracting his hand, Nick held it closed, feeling the minor burns already healing as Schanke looked between him and where the rosary had been, occasionally glancing at the road. "I hate to say it, but crosses can be dealt with. Please--don't get another one unless you want it to meet the same fate." While Nick leaned back in his seat, now much more relaxed, Schanke moved slightly toward his door. Turning back onto a more direct route toward the precinct, he again pushed their speed, wanting to get back as soon as he could manage. Thoughts of the cross and destroyed rosary flitted through Schanke's mind. He was slightly surprised Nick had been able to do what he'd done...but then, myth might not be one hundred percent true. Silently, he wondered just how old his partner was and just what the vampire's abilities were. Had he been wrong about taunting Nick further? Or, was what he was seeing the real man behind his partner? He needed to know, and he feared it was his second guess. Neither said another word the rest of their shift. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Lying in the middle of the spare room's bed at the Raven, Nick tried to get to sleep, but couldn't. All of the comments Schanke had made since discovering what he was were hitting him closer and closer. He knew his reactions were only feeding Schanke's anger and suspicions, but he couldn't help it. Perhaps, at one time, some of what his partner said was true...but not all of it. To rape someone--mortal or vampire--in the sense Schanke meant was, to him, wrong. And yet, he wasn't completely free of that crime. To take a mortal's blood, particularly if they lived, was a form of rape. It was taking, without permission, something very dear to its owner. So, in that sense--yes, he had killed and raped his victims. But, that was in the past. He didn't think Schanke was aware that the woman he'd seen him with was a vampire. Whether that would change the other's view on the situation, however, he didn't know. He had come to the Raven after work, picking up some clothes and other necessities from the loft. He'd decided to stay here for the time being, mainly to avoid having to think about this and avoid contact with Schanke and, to a lesser extent, Natalie. Instead, he ended up thinking even more about recent events. Picking his watch up off the table, he noticed that it was almost noon. Mid-day had already arrived and he hadn't managed to get even a hint of rest. Concentrating on his link with LaCroix, he found his sire sound asleep. After again trying to fall asleep and not succeeding, he stared at the ceiling, wide awake. Slowly and quietly, he got out of bed and headed for the door. Pausing, he eventually headed for the kitchen and poured himself a glass of blood. He drank it gradually; one sip at a time, letting the liquid calm him. Finishing the glass, he placed it in the sink and started back to his room, but stopped in the hallway. Leaning against the wall and closing his eyes, he told himself to relax. If he didn't, there wouldn't be any chance of getting any sleep that day. Abruptly, and not really thinking about it, Nick headed down the hall, past the spare room, and toward LaCroix'. Carefully opening the door, he saw that the elder vampire was apparently still deep in sleep. He took a few steps closer, but ceased his path halfway to the bed. What was he doing in here? In part, he really didn't know. Yet, he did know that in here he could sleep...it was just a matter of not bothering LaCroix. Approaching the bed, he cautiously slid onto the bed and under the covers. Lying on his side, he curled up slightly, taking care not to touch or wake LaCroix. Ever so sluggishly, his body relaxed. Several minutes later, he found himself beginning to drift off, the pain Schanke's words had caused still fresh in his mind. Shades of Grey - (12/21) Stirring, LaCroix opened his eyes only to see Nicholas in his peripheral vision. He had felt something through their bond, but he hadn't suspected it to be his son so close. Simply watching, he quickly noticed that Nicholas was shaking...a faint, continuous shiver. Perhaps this was what had woken him. Reaching out, he just let the tips of his fingers brush against the younger vampire's skin. The action gently woke Nicholas. His son's eyes slowly opened, and a faintly golden hue stared back at him. At the somewhat familiar touch, hints of past unpleasant memories flashed in his thoughts, and he instinctively pulled away. However, LaCroix prevented him, leading him in the opposite direction. He raised his hands, pushing against the elder vampire's chest even as LaCroix' hand on his back pulled him ever nearer. He reminded himself to relax, knowing the reaction was mainly a result of being startled. "Shh...rest, just rest." LaCroix repeated his words in an attempt to sooth. Once the other had somewhat settled, he slowly moved his hand, reaching underneath his son's shirt and resting his hand on Nicholas' bare back. Rubbing the muscles, he waited until the other relaxed further. Eventually, he felt his son's arms wrap around him, the younger's head coming to rest on his shoulder. Continuing his action, LaCroix softly prodded, "Something is wrong, Nicholas. I can feel it." The reaction he received was merely the other gripping him tighter. "What is it, Nicholas? Something to do with that partner of yours, I suspect." Again, his son remained silent. "Nicholas...." Although not wanting to answer, Nick knew LaCroix would just answer the question if he didn't. "Yes...it's Schanke. He's not taking this well. I'm not taking this well...if anything, I've just made it worse. I just don't want to deal with it for a night." "Then forget about the mortals. They are our food--do not let them control you." Pausing, he got an idea. "Call in sick." "What?" he asked, pulling slightly away and looking up to the other. "Call in sick. I'm sure you have plenty of days to take, and that way you could rest. No Schanke, no Captain...and only the mortals in the club--if you even remain here for the night. Do what you want to do. Isn't that what you've been saying you wanted?" Letting the suggestions begin to sink in, he added, "Just think about it." Resting his head against LaCroix' shoulder, he did just that. The recommendation was...very tempting. He didn't take many days off, and perhaps that's just what he needed. This way, he would be able to distance himself from Schanke--something both of them needed to do, if only for a moment--and he might be able to straighten out a few of his stray thoughts. Smiling, he held LaCroix tight, thankful for the elder vampire's advice, and fully intending on following through with it that night. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. LaCroix carefully disengaged his son's grip, planning to quietly slip away before Nicholas woke. Just as he placed one foot on the floor, he watched the younger vampire stir, calm blue eyes staring at him. "Where are you going?" "I have a couple of pressing matters. I will return within the hour." His son nodded, and after a few seconds, LaCroix inquired, "What did you decide?" One corner of his mouth quirked upward. "To call in. The mortals can do without me for a night." Openly smiling, LaCroix watched as Nicholas settled back into the bed, lying on his stomach. For a couple of minutes, he simply stood, observing the younger. Then, quickly dressing, he left. Resting, Nick remained exactly where he was until long after LaCroix' presence faded. Just lying there, he felt much better than he had the previous night, or even earlier that day. He stayed there until nearly forty-five minutes had passed. Although wondering faintly where the elder vampire was, he wasn't really concerned. It gave him time to think. The previous night had been...a disaster. He and Schanke had been at each other's throats for the majority of the night. Then, after Schanke's prodding about raping, he'd reacted. Looking back on it, he probably should have left his reply to his words instead of continuing, destroying the rosary. He'd seen the fear in his partner's eyes after he had done that. He'd seen the confirmation in the other that he was a vampire, an inhuman, blood-drinking, vampire. In that instant, he knew they needed a break from one another, to let both of them think. Then, when LaCroix suggested he call in, he decided to do just that. Standing, he went to the kitchen to get something to drink, planning on first calling the precinct, and then getting dressed. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Arriving back at the Raven, LaCroix prodded his bond with Nicholas. The younger was still as he had been that morning. Finally, it seemed that his son was returning to him, and in more ways than one. Waking, he had wanted to insure Nicholas' return, and that had been the purpose of his errand--to set things in motion that would, hopefully, guarantee that the recent changes in the younger stayed. If Nicholas lost his mortal friends, he would have the upper hand in this. Perhaps then they could leave and his son would finally learn the foolishness of being so close to the mortals. And, as long as Nicholas never discovered his involvement, he knew he would almost certainly succeed. Heading into the apartment, he slowly headed for Nicholas' presence. His son was taking a shower. He grinned, quietly heading to the bedroom. Inside, he found Nicholas' pajamas lying on the end of the bed. His mood brightening, he swiftly undressed, heading for the bathroom. Pushing the partially open door in, he silently made his way toward the shower. In an instant, he was standing behind Nicholas, surprising the younger. Seeing the pleased expression as his son turned, he approached, running his fingers though the other's wet hair. Then, with a smile, he ruffled the strands, tangling them somewhat. Reaching forward, Nick repaid the favor, wetting the top of LaCroix' hair and attempting to plaster it to his head. He suppressed a laugh, half of the short hair staying down, the other half sticking up in little spikes. "You should keep it like that, LaCroix...it really suits you." Raising an eyebrow, LaCroix grabbed the other without warning. Holding him tight, he managed to get some shampoo, squirting some in his son's hair. Rubbing it in, he felt the younger struggle. Then, moving closer to the flow of water, he let the shampoo be washed out, leaving Nicholas' hair straight and soaked. Releasing him, LaCroix commented, "Now, that suits you." Nick snatched the bar of soap, prepared to again retaliate...only to find himself spun in the elder vampire's grasp, the soap being confiscated. "Why thank you, Nicholas, for this...." Grinning, he half attacked the younger vampire with the soap. He slowly rubbed the bar across Nicholas' chest, covering every speck of the skin with suds. Still holding his son against him, he moved his attention lower, washing Nicholas' abdomen and upper thighs. As his son leaned back into him, LaCroix had to shift his weight to avoid sending them both into the tub. He kissed the moist skin stretched before him, the soap sailing downward. His hand slowly inched its way to Nicholas' inner thigh. Massaging the sensitive skin, he found an even larger area at his son's neck available to his lips. The water ran over both of them, and ever so carefully, LaCroix moved his attention slightly upward, teasing Nicholas' scrotum and the slowly hardening penis. Nipping several places, he watched little rivulets of pink roll away with the water, the wounds quickly healing. His son moaned. He, too, was quite pleased--mainly because it had been such a long time since they had been this at ease with one another. Recognizing Nicholas' full arousal through their link, he wrapped his fingers around the younger's erection, pleased when his son didn't pull away. Caressing the flesh in his hand, he too became quickly aroused. Pulling Nicholas closer, their bodies nearly melded into one. He nibbled the skin just below Nicholas' ear, not ceasing his attention to the other. LaCroix attempted to pull them closer, at which Nicholas shifted, turning and putting a sliver of space between their bare skin, making him lose his hold. Seeing his son's smile, LaCroix mirrored the expression. Nicholas was teasing him. He quickly closed the distance between them without resistance, kissing the younger full on the mouth. Tongues intertwined with one another, gently caressing the opposite's fangs. LaCroix broke the action, immediately sinking his fangs into his son's neck. Less than a second later, the younger returned the action. They each drank deeply of the other, the water flowing over their bodies, warming their cool skin. Eventually drawing back, LaCroix let the few drops of blood at his neck be whisked away by the rushing water. He captured the younger vampire's lips momentarily before backing away with a smile. "Rest, relax, have...fun. I'll be in the Raven if you need me." As LaCroix left, Nick leaned against the wall with a smile of his own. It had indeed been a good idea to stay at the Raven. Although he faintly wondered where Janette was, he enjoyed being alone with LaCroix. He stood under the water until it ran cold, reminding him that he should at least get dressed, and then, perhaps, spend the night down in the club. Shades of Grey - (13/21) Getting out of his car, Schanke spied Natalie's car pulling up. He walked over and, as soon as she got out, he started, "You know, Nick's really ticking me off. He called in. 'Sick.' I think we both know he's perfectly fine. Probably feeding on some poor woman and giving damn near nothing to the world in return." Natalie tensed. Now Schanke was acting just as irrationally as Nick. They were both feeding the other's anger and doubts. "Schank, Nick's-" "Don't even say it. How can you be sure, Nat? He's a vamp-" "Schanke!" she harshly whispered, cutting him off momentarily. Lowering his voice, he resumed, telling her, "As I was saying, he's a vampire. Vampires kill. I mean, you should have been around him the last few days. He's really different...darker. I don't like saying it, but it's like he's the killer we're supposed to go after! It doesn't feel right, and I'm not sure about him anymore." Natalie paused as Schanke headed, frustrated, over to one of the uniforms. Could he possibly be right? Had Nick changed that much that fast? Until now, she'd seen Nick's actions as a way of getting her and Schanke to leave him alone...but was it more? Continuing to the body, she stopped upon seeing the victim. It didn't take much effort to tell the woman had either been raped or in the middle of intercourse at the time of her death. Her shirt was unbuttoned; her skirt pushed up and legs slightly spread. Natalie clenched her jaw. She hated seeing things like this, and hoped whoever did this would be caught. The expression on the victim's face, oddly enough, was pure pleasure. At first, it wasn't apparent what had killed the woman, and then she spotted the slash at the woman's throat. Looking closer, she easily noticed marks that were most likely caused by a vampire--two punctures that were only partially obscured by the cut. At that, what lay before her fit. The woman's pleasure had been ill founded, and when she was drained, she had no idea the extreme sensations would be her death. Schanke, standing behind Natalie, stared down on the victim, quickly noticing what she was looking at. Two barely visible holes about the distance apart of a human's canines were next to a short, clean cut. He swallowed. The Raven wasn't too far away, but just far enough to not be connected. Yet, it was perfectly clear to him that a vampire was the murderer. "He did this. I know it. He did this just to get to me." Natalie stood, turning to him. "Schanke...." "No, no, no...I told Nick something last night--about killing. I asked if he only killed them or raped them as well. He blew up; completely destroying the rosary Myra's mother had given me a few years ago. He never did give me an answer, either...but here it is." She shook her head. "He wouldn't do this. I know him." "And I ask again, do you really know him? Last night, he looked almost...normal. He wasn't pale--quite far from it, actually. His clothes were the same as he had worn the previous night except for his shirt. I'm telling you, Natalie, he's changed. He's not the Nick you profess to know so well. Do you even know his real name, how old he is? Do you know anything about who he really is?" "I know quite a bit about Nick, actually. Not as much as I'd like, but I do know both his real name and age." She paused, mentioning, "Occasionally he's let me in on his past, but he's a very private person, Schanke." He snorted. "Just humor me, okay? I have a bad feeling about this...and I don't like where my thoughts are leading me. I thought I knew him, but I'm really not sure anymore. It is possible that Nick could have done this--he has the ability, and motive, as well. Can you find out if Nick did this, or if he even could have? Please?" Before she had the chance to answer, Schanke was off and across the scene. Turning her attention back to the victim, it was no time before the woman was being loaded for transport to the morgue. Looking for Schanke, she found he had disappeared. She only hoped he wasn't going to do anything rash with his thoughts. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. "So...?" Natalie looked up from the microscope, turning to the detective. "What?" "Did Nick kill her?" Schanke bluntly asked. "I can't give you an answer to that with definitive evidence. Right now, all I can say is that she was killed by a vampire...but not by whom." "But...is it possible?" "Possible, yes...probable, no." Already able to see the beginning of a protest, she told him, "I'll do a DNA test if you'd like? I can compare it to another sample I have from Nick." He started to nod, and then froze. "Wait a minute--you have a sample of his blood?" "Yes, I do. Look...it's hard to explain. I've been working with Nick for several years on something. Let's just leave it at that, Schank." "Why?" he asked with a touch of anger. "I deserve to know this, Nat. You know I do." When she didn't respond, he added, sternly, "Tell me, Natalie." She pursed her lips, explaining, "I've been trying to help Nick become human. He doesn't want to be a vampire, Schank." "He could have fooled me," he quickly scoffed aloud, his doubts again coming up--both on his present opinion of Nick, and his past ones. "Just let me talk to him, okay? I know he's been acting strange lately. I'll try to find out what is going on." Schanke just stood there. As he prepared to leave, she asked him, "Please don't confront Nick until after I've had a chance to talk to him." Staring back at her, his thoughts on the matter hadn't changed. How many times had Nick killed in the past? How many times had he killed recently? Had he ever seen any of his partner's victims? "Schanke...." He locked his gaze with hers. "I probably won't even see him until tomorrow night, if he even shows up at work." Watching the detective spin and leave, she sincerely hoped he wouldn't do anything impulsive before she talked to Nick and tried to get things straightened out. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Pulling up to the loft shortly after dawn, Natalie slowly got out of her car, still trying to decide exactly what she wanted to say. Heading up in the elevator, she was pleased that Nick hadn't changed the alarm code. Stepping into the loft, she found the whole room black. Turning on several lights, it was obvious that Nick wasn't there. She stood there for a moment, taking that information in. Nick wasn't there and the sun had already risen. Just to make sure, she headed up to Nick's room and halted again. On the bed were several hangers. Seeing the open closet and a not quite closed drawer, it seemed as if he had come by, picked up a few things, and then left. Checking the bathroom, she found his razor missing. He wasn't there and it was a good possibility that he hadn't been nor would be the next night. She knew why and had a pretty good idea where he was--and that scared her. Nick was trying to avoid her and Schanke, and, unfortunately, his attempts were working. As to where he was staying.... He had almost assuredly gone to LaCroix. Considering the direction of Nick's recent thoughts, she worried LaCroix would take advantage of the situation and try to get Nick to come back to him for good. With everything, she wouldn't be entirely surprised if Nick did just that. Disappointed, yes, but not surprised. Going out to her car, she shut the door and sat. Could Schanke actually be right about this? Could Nick have changed as much as his behavior seemed to indicate, and have done so this quickly? She knew Nick was impulsive, but...was what she seeing actually what was happening? She couldn't, and wouldn't, answer those questions. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Nick focused on the sheet of blurred words before him, trying to concentrate. His partner's eyes wouldn't leave him, continually directing a glare of hatred toward him. He'd endured it for the past half an hour and would be pleased if Cohen called him into her office, but did she? No, of course she didn't--which meant he didn't have an excuse to leave. Finally, a few minutes later, he looked up, meeting the other’s stare. "Schanke, I'm sure there are more interesting things to do than watch me." "I'm not sure I trust you, 'partner.' Especially not after last night." "I didn't do anything to you last night. I wasn't even here, and all I know about our new case is that the victim is a woman--nothing more. You won't let me in on it, 'partner.'" "You shouldn't need any clues. The killer was one of your kind. The woman was raped and drained. Natalie even confirmed it was a vampire." The accusing tone both hurt and angered him. "You think I killed her," he stated, not even bothering to treat it like a question. "I'm not dismissing the possibility. You didn't show up for work. You're a vampire. The scene was between your place and the Raven. Is that enough or do you need more, ‘cause I have plenty more where that came from." Waiting a moment for a response, he got none. "I bet the whole reason you're a cop is so you can cover up your own and your kind's killings. Convenient, isn't it?" "That's enough," Nick snapped, standing. Calming somewhat, he turned, preparing to head out to the parking lot to get some air. He left quickly, noticing Schanke was following him. Diverting his destination to one of the conference rooms, Nick halted and turned after entering, waiting for the other to come in and shut the door. Then, glaring at one another, Nick began, "Why can't you just accept this and leave me alone? I am what I am." "Because I'm a cop, that's why. That, and you're acting like a vampire, like a killer. What am I supposed to think?" His anger flared. Flying, he roughly shoved Schanke into the wall. Gripping the mortal's neck, he bared his fangs. "If I were a killer, do you think you would still be alive?" Shifting so that he could talk, Schanke answered, "Possibly. You can't kill me if you want to keep your life here, and I think you enjoy it. Running around...masquerading as a cop and doing as you please." He released the mortal, but not gently. Recovering, Schanke took a step closer toward the vampire. His fear was eclipsed by a combination of curiosity and reason. He didn't think Nick would harm him in the precinct. Whether or not Nick would harm him away from the precinct, he didn't know. "That woman at the Raven, she was going to meet death by your hands, wasn't she? Or, perhaps, I should say 'fangs.'" "Schanke, she's a vampire." "Oh, so that makes it okay?" he asked, disbelievingly. "You can do what you want with her because she's like you? What, did you bring her over to have a play toy? Is that it? So you can rape her and take her blood as often as you wish?" "Drop it, Schanke." "What do you think about when you kill? Is the blood, at that moment, simply food, or is it more? Is it pleasurable? Do you lust for it, want it even after you're full?" Nick wasn't answering or commenting, but his thoughts were on a roll. "Which do you enjoy more--the power over the mortals like a rapist, or the sheer ecstasy of killing and destroying life?" Again baring his fangs, Nick pushed Schanke against the wall, pinning him with bruising force. "Drop the subject, Schanke. Just forget about it. Find something more constructive to do than argue." Releasing the mortal, he headed quickly out of the room. He started for his desk, but saw Cohen's attention focused on him. "Knight, I want you in my office." Outwardly, he ever so slightly cringed. Catching a smile on Schanke's face, he tried to calm himself. This was an opportunity for a moment of freedom from Schanke, and he wasted no time doing as his Captain ordered. As soon as the door was shut, Cohen began, "I want to know what is going on, Detective." The other didn't answer, and she clarified, "You called in sick last night and you and Schanke aren't making any further progress on your cases. I want an explanation." He held her gaze, stating, "I think I need a break." "What you need is to get along with your partner. I'm not going to let you call in sick like that again. If you do, I want to see a doctor's note." Watching as she sat in her chair, he held back his frustration. He wanted a break, and he was going to get it. Leaning forward onto the desk, he dropped his voice and stated, "*Like I said--I need a break.*" For a moment, she simply stared blankly across the office. Then, shaking her confusion off, she asked, "Break?" Continuing in his previous tone, using as much persuasion as he dared, he explained, "*A break. A few days off from work. I have a lot of things on my mind, and this way I would be able to straighten my thoughts out. I'm of no use working like this.*" Ever so slowly he watched his words influence her until she faintly nodded. "Go ahead and head home. Take a few days off and get matters in order." She paused, and then, as Nick prepared to leave, she said, "But I expect you and Schanke to work together when you return. I want this resolved." Smiling to himself, Nick silently nodded and left the office. He gave a cursory glance to Schanke, and then left the precinct, planning on going to the Raven. Shades of Grey - (14/21) The music beat hard in his ears, the mortals' heartbeats calling to him. Closing his eyes, he leaned back in the booth, not wanting to think about the oh so tempting supply of warm, fresh blood dancing around him. Several minutes later, he opened his eyes to find the woman he had seen several days before. "Don't you have...work, or something?" He grinned. "Not right now, I don't." "Hmmm...then do you wish to continue from where we were so readily interrupted before?" His smile faded somewhat at the memories her words brought back. Schanke had merely wanted an explanation...and then what he had seen only compounded matters, raising his partner's suspicions. Now, it's like they were on a log, each trying to get the other to lose their balance and fall into the icy cold water. Schanke was winning the battle, and he wasn't sure he really cared about the outcome anymore. "You seem out of it...you need to relax and let your frustration out. It will help, I assure you," she said, seductively. He again smiled, and together, they headed to one of the back rooms. Kissing, they quickly reached as far as they had the other night, both aroused and wanting more. Teasing her neck with his fangs, he pulled away, holding her face in one hand. "Take it, Nicholas. My blood is yours to take, just as yours is mine..." she said, but stopped seeing the need in his eyes multiply exponentially. "Or...?" Pulling her against him, he spun her so that her back was to him. He held her gently around the waist, kissing the exposed area of her neck as she leaned her head back. Before thinking, he struck, one hand holding her head to the side, the other tightening as he sunk his canines into the flesh. He took the blood as if she were mortal and was to be drained--something that he had much practice doing in the past. He drank his fill until she, even though a vampire, began to weaken from the blood loss. Despite the fact that her blood invigorated him, calming his needs for the time, he knew all he had done was take from her, and that's all he'd be able to do. Schanke was right about one thing--all vampires did was take. Turning her in his grasp, he saw her smiling face--but he didn't return the smile. Letting her lean against the wall, he lightly brushed his fingers along her neck, and then, in an instant, he left. As the club's atmosphere again surrounded him, he took in a deep breath, trying to clear his senses. The action was useless, merely turning his attention to the mortals and their inviting forms. He headed back to the table he had been at before, scooting into the corner and watching as the mortals mixed unknowingly with his kind. If they knew, he suspected that many of them would leave, never to come back again...but they didn't. No matter how hard he tried, Schanke's accusations stuck in his mind. Killing and raping...were they really so different to a vampire? He had once killed mercilessly, but had he ever raped another? It could be argued, he was sure...and he knew some of those arguments could convict him, but.... Was Schanke right? Letting the question ask itself again and again, he clenched his jaw as he once again remembered when LaCroix had raped him. The experience had been something he had wished to rid himself of at the time. He remembered the pure pain...the fear that LaCroix would rape him again that night or the night after. Yet, the elder vampire hadn't. As he'd cowered on the ground that night, he had seen pain in his sire's eyes. When Janette had returned several hours later, he hadn't spoken. She, however, knew what had happened without needing to be told. The next several days he had lived in constant fright, silently begging that he be spared that experience again. Then, LaCroix had ordered Janette away, again leaving them alone. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [France: 1230] Janette had left, and now he had no protection from LaCroix. He was on his guard, following his sire's every motion, afraid that the other would rape him again. The fear was becoming something more...something he couldn't describe. He was more than afraid--he was petrified. Walking back to his room, the door shut loudly behind him, giving him a start. He spun, and there LaCroix was. How the other had snuck up on him, he had no idea...but he had. Feeling himself begin to panic, he took a step backward. Upon seeing LaCroix start after him, he attempted to get away, but failed, instead being grabbed tightly from behind. LaCroix held him, making it impossible for him to move. He felt tears struggling to be released, and he did what he could to stop them. The other was going to rape him...again. That was his sole thought. "Please, LaCroix...don't do this to me," he begged, his voice betraying his emotions. "Shh...Nicholas. Calm yourself," LaCroix whispered into his son's ear, not letting his grip slacken in the slightest. "Relax. I don't want to hurt you, Nicholas." Those words didn't help at all. LaCroix had spoken similar ones several nights before when he'd raped him. "No...you will. Please, let go of me. Please...." As Nicholas struggled against him, LaCroix held firmer, not giving the other any room to move. "Relax, Nicholas! You must relax unless you want this to be a repeat of before." Once the younger vampire had calmed somewhat, he continued, "This is something you must overcome. As I said before, relax and you will be able to enjoy this." He didn't want to enjoy this...he didn't want any part in this. Yet, even as he fought while LaCroix stripped his clothes off, he knew full well that there was no way out. If he continued his attempts to break away, LaCroix would rape him. LaCroix would force him and be rough like the other time. That had been painful, physically painful, and he didn't want pain. He tried to tell himself to calm down, but it wasn't working. A few moments later, he felt LaCroix' bare body against his. He closed his eyes, taking in several deep breaths. His son's muscles relaxed somewhat, at which LaCroix smiled. "That's it...good. You need do nothing, only allow this." With that, he kissed the skin along the younger's neck and upper back. He tensed at LaCroix' actions, not sure he would be able to get through this. All he knew was that he didn't want a repeat of before. He kept telling himself that. He held his eyes closed tighter, attempting to loosen his muscles. By the time he'd managed it, the elder vampire changed his focus, leading them toward the bed. He halted, just short of the edge. He couldn't do this...he couldn't. "Nicholas...stay relaxed." Letting go of his grip, he was pleased when his son didn't try to flee. He massaged the younger's shoulders, and after a moment, he felt Nicholas calm once more. LaCroix moved a little closer, continuing his actions. Doing as LaCroix said, he felt a single tear escape. He didn't want this...but neither did he want the pain--both physical and emotional-- that he'd felt before. He could do this. After all, LaCroix just wanted him to lose his inhibitions...perhaps if he did, the other would leave him alone. Feeling the other's hands on his back, on his waist, and then on his hips, he desperately tried to not jerk away from the touch. And, other than a flinch, he managed it. LaCroix moved closer, pulling him back. Feeling the elder vampire's erection against him, he momentarily tensed, but only for a second. A single finger traced its way down his spine, and he shivered. It was almost pleasurable...almost, but not quite. Again, he forced his muscles to loosen further, hoping LaCroix wouldn't be as rough as before. As the elder vampire pushed slightly into him, he panicked and tried to pull away. His memories of what had happened were too recent and too vibrant. "Nicholas...." He nodded and pushed the memories away, knowing what LaCroix was going to tell him. He relaxed without another word, but the other didn't yet make another advance. "Are you ready, Nicholas? I do not want to force this like last time." At first, his memories came quickly back, but he quickly suppressed them. He willingly loosened his muscles, taking several deep breaths. "I'm ready," he voiced, more or less giving permission to the other. A few seconds later, he felt his sire press against him. This time, he stayed relaxed. LaCroix slid slowly into him, filling him. The sensation was quite different than the other night. For some time LaCroix simply held him, remaining inside him but not thrusting. He was thankful for it. He felt the elder vampire kiss him, teasing his back with his sharp fangs. Then, ever so slowly, he felt LaCroix begin to slide in and out of him. He'd been so preoccupied that he hadn't been prepared for it in the slightest. He gasped, not from pain, but something that could almost be described as pleasure. With every stroke, he felt himself become more aroused, which pushed his memories away. Soon he had an erection, and before he knew it, LaCroix' hand wrapped around it and stroked it. His fangs descended a moment later, piercing his tongue in the process. At the taste of his blood, his senses amplified. This was certainly different than he had expected. It *was* enjoyable. Very, in fact. He found he had completely relaxed, and was now simply letting the other take him. All he had to do was allow this...and allow he did. Every touch and every motion of the elder vampire resulted in pure pleasure. Even as he realized they were both nearing climax, his only thought was that he hoped it wouldn't end. LaCroix pulled him back, taking his blood much as he had before, but this time, the result was much different. His own needs grew, and when his sire offered a wrist, he took it without hesitation. As they shared blood, they shared their orgasms, each delighting in the other's gratification as much as in their own. He'd shared blood like this with Janette...but that was really nothing compared to this. LaCroix' blood was the richest taste he had ever had--as a mortal or as a vampire. Separating, LaCroix turned and drew the younger vampire closer. They faced one another, and LaCroix found it very apparent that his son had enjoyed the experience. On a thought, he pulled Nicholas closer, their mouths meeting. Although somewhat startled by LaCroix' action, he responded without a second thought. His tongue slipped easily into the other's mouth, teasing the elder vampire's fangs. The kiss ended, leaving them both with a smile on their lips. "That was quite enjoyable, wasn't it, Nicholas?" He licked his lips, catching another taste of his sire's blood. The blood told all...and in it, it was clear to him that LaCroix wasn't trying to hurt him. LaCroix hadn't wanted to hurt him before, either...not specifically. That knowledge, although unspoken, calmed him. He couldn't help the way he was feeling--it just was. Then, his voice laced heavily with desire, he finally answered, "Yes, very." Pleased, LaCroix gently held his son's face, running his thumb across Nicholas' lips. "And what is it you wish to do now?" His eyes glowed faintly at the question. His thoughts momentarily returned to a few nights ago, which begged him to flee. But, at the same time, his growing arousal told him to ask for more. He had to pick one...and the longer he tarried, the greater hold his memories gained. He wanted to forget, and what better way to forget than through pleasure? He closed the distance between them, again taking LaCroix' mouth with his own. Putting a little space between them, he grinned. "I wish to do it again." LaCroix openly smiled. As they again kissed, he gently pushed his son back and onto the bed, continuing with Nicholas' lesson. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nick snapped out of the memory as a glass was sat on the table by one of the waitresses and filled to the brim. "Want me to leave the bottle?" Still calming himself, it took a moment before he silently nodded. She did so, once again leaving him alone in the dark corner. That's what he wanted right now--to be surrounded by darkness. It was a comfort to sit in this shadow. The mortals in the club wouldn't even be able to see him from where he was. He basked in his spot, hoping his thoughts would return to the present. But, they weren't allowing it. Looking back on it now, in some ways he was glad LaCroix had done what he did...although he would have rather been spared being raped. That was something he had no wish to ever repeat. However, the next time his sire had pushed the issue, he had wasted no time admitting he wanted to repeat the experience. Taking a sip of blood, he smiled slightly. Despite the sheer agony of being raped, LaCroix had no trouble getting the point across. He knew LaCroix hadn't raped him for the sole act of violating him. It had been a lesson. He had needed to shed those thoughts, and it had helped him in the long run. He had panicked and let his fear control him, not his reason. However, he did not agree with LaCroix' means, the experience firmly burned into his thoughts despite nearly eight hundred years having passed. Until then, LaCroix had never outright hit him or done anything for that sole purpose. But, if he saw it was necessary, LaCroix wouldn't hesitate to use force. He knew that well. The other had encouraged him in his lessons, and when he was having trouble, LaCroix had continued that encouragement. After that experience, he and LaCroix had strangely enough grown closer. From the second night he and LaCroix had been together, he had pushed his memories of the rape and his mortal beliefs away. And, for a while, he had embraced what he was, his thoughts only occasionally returning to his mortal ideals. He had enjoyed the time he spent with LaCroix, whether they had been hunting, talking, sitting in the other's presence, or partaking in more intimate ways to pass the time. He had taken pleasure in it all. And now, here in the present, they were once again growing closer. He knew it wouldn't last, not with the way they were at the moment...but then, neither had their other encounters lasted an eternity. They had been close, then at odds, and then close.... It was a cycle, one that had been at a standstill for a long time--until recently. It would come full circle, he knew, but both he and LaCroix could enjoy the moment while it lasted. Perhaps, he hoped, the closeness would last. Even with their differences, he knew they could get along, and that's what he wanted. He needed the father and the friend that LaCroix was to him more than anything. Relaxing, he was glad he had the next several nights off. He didn't care if Natalie would probably say something about it...or even Schanke. He needed the time it would provide him, and perhaps he would be able to spend more time with his sire, something he missed. Shades of Grey - (15/21) As the club neared closing time, Nick headed up to the apartment. While in the kitchen preparing to get himself some blood, LaCroix entered, holding a bottle out to him. "Might as well pour two," the elder vampire said with a smile, and then left the room. Nick looked at the bottle, recognizing immediately that it was one of LaCroix' private supply. It was, even for LaCroix, an indulgence. Not thinking any further on the topic, nor wanting to, he opened the bottle, pouring the two glasses. Then, taking them all to the main room, he handed one glass to LaCroix and sat the bottle on the table. After taking a small sip, LaCroix commented, "You seem to be in a good mood...you should take more time off from that work of yours." "I'm off for the next several days." LaCroix raised an eyebrow, faintly surprised. He had expected his son to take a day off, but not several. But, who was he to complain? He smiled. "And what will you be doing while you're not busying yourself with the mortals?" "I'll probably stay here. That is, if it's okay?" "Of course it is, Nicholas." Watching as the other took another sip of blood, Nick felt an awkward silence build between them. Finally, he broke it with a question. "Where is Janette?" Not knowing the precise answer himself, LaCroix told himself to keep that hidden. Janette had left, merely stating that she needed a short time away. She would be back, she had mentioned, but not for long. She told him that if Nicholas were to ask, that he say she was on a necessary trip...and he would. "She will return soon. She is on a trip to Europe, tying up some business for me." Nick relaxed at the explanation. LaCroix had always preferred Janette to do those tasks. The elder vampire had always kept a close eye on him, but Janette had a much larger degree of freedom. He nodded and leaned back into the chair. "What should I do, LaCroix? Schanke...Natalie.... I'm losing my grip on this life, aren't I? Pretty soon, I'll have to leave, won't I?" Sifting through the link with his son, LaCroix realized that the younger didn't want to leave. And, for the moment, if that were what Nicholas wanted, he would do what he could to aid it. "Your partner must be dealt with. Can you be sure he will not reveal what you are?" "No one would believe him if he did," he said, before realizing just the meaning of that. Many of the others didn't take Schanke seriously, even though he was a good cop. In his opinion, possibly the best in the precinct. But the others...they often overlooked the detective. He just wished Schanke would accept him. He could handle that. "What about your doctor friend?" "Natalie...." Nick trailed off, realizing he really didn't know either of them well enough to say one way or another. He didn't think either would say anything, but he'd also alienated both of them. He didn't even know what Natalie thought about his actions at the moment. "I can't talk to them right now. They don't understand...that's why I'm here. I need someone who won't judge me." The younger's eyes met his, and LaCroix nodded. "I will not judge." "Thank you, LaCroix," he said, a soft smile on his lips, which the elder mirrored a moment later. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. The bottle sat empty on the table...along with two others. It was nearly mid-day as Nick and LaCroix finally took the bottles and glasses into the kitchen. Setting the glasses in the sink, Nick felt the elder vampire come up behind him. Putting his hands on Nicholas' shoulders, LaCroix whispered into the other's ear, "Quite good vintages, weren't they?" He merely smiled in return, allowing the touch. LaCroix kissed the lobe of his ear, lazily pricking the skin with his fangs. He enjoyed this playfulness, something LaCroix rarely showed. True, they had both drank quite a bit of blood, but LaCroix was rarely affected like he was. But, if LaCroix wanted to 'play'...he didn’t have any objections. As the elder moved his attention to his neck, Nick turned and slipped out of the touch with a smile. Watching the other, LaCroix felt his needs grow. Nicholas' games were tiring...but at the same time, they were invigorating. He enjoyed them as much as he did his own. As his son started for the door, he blocked the way, grinning down at the other. A moment later, he had the younger cornered a few feet away. Then, Nicholas kissed him. The action was sudden and unexpected, but LaCroix returned the action instantly, their tongues entwining for a moment. In another few seconds, Nicholas had darted away and was now grinning in the doorway. So, his child wanted to play games, did he? Two could play at this.... Quickly heading after the younger, LaCroix managed to catch up in the hallway, gently holding the other against the wall by the arms. He kissed Nicholas, first on the lips and then the neck. Then, once more, his son tried to slip away...but he wasn't going to allow it. He grabbed the other, Nicholas' momentum pushing him slightly off balance. Yet, when his son turned toward him and changed directions, he didn't let go. Immediately, he knew it was a mistake as he felt the ground moving out from beneath him. He landed on his back, hard, the air in his lungs being forced out with impact. And then, in an instant, he felt Nicholas' weight landing on him, pushing even more air out. LaCroix half-coughed and half-laughed as Nicholas stared down at him with a grin. His son straddled him; the younger's hands holding him down. If they hadn't been fully clothed, this would have been the end of their games. Even such, he saw Nicholas' tiredness easily in the other's form. Accepting a kiss from the other, he knew it would be best to wait just. Nicholas stood, and looking down on him, headed down the hall and into the spare room. Although he wished to follow, he remained in his position on the floor. He closed his eyes and smiled, feeling the contentment across the link with his son. He could lay here forever knowing Nicholas had finally come to terms with what he was. And, as his son prepared for bed, he nearly did just that. Eventually Nicholas fell asleep, at which he stood and headed to his room to rest for the night. Shades of Grey - (16/21) Natalie stood outside of the Raven, her jaw clenched tight. She was trying to decide between throttling Nick and trying to actually have a conversation with him. More than anything, she wanted to know what was going on. He kept distancing himself from her and Schanke, and she was afraid she was going to lose him to LaCroix. Or, even worse, that she already had. Looking down at her clothes, she was glad she'd worn dark colors to work that night...and also glad she'd mentioned she would be back late from her lunch. She entered the club, slowly heading down the stairs as she scanned the room for Nick. Ultimately, she found him at the bar. Preparing to approach, she paused as a man--LaCroix--moved from the other side of him and stood behind Nick. As LaCroix placed his hands on the younger vampire's shoulder, she watched him first whisper something into Nick's ear, and then brush his fingers against the side of his neck. Nick didn't react with anything more alarming than a smile. She frowned slightly, watching as the two interacted easily. LaCroix then sat on the stool next to Nick, and she watched as the elder vampire continued whatever he was saying. At one point, he casually placed his hand on Nick's upper thigh. The action probably went relatively unnoticed by everyone in the room...everyone except her. Although there was nothing especially wrong with the motion, she felt that there was something more to it than what her eyes were seeing. Approaching closer, she watched as LaCroix' attention caught on her. He turned to her with a mocking smile, raising his glass and an eyebrow. After taking a sip, he left, after which her eyes settled on Nick--who was staring right at her. She continued, closing the distance between them. Just as she was going to speak, he grabbed her arm, leading her away from the bar and toward a booth at the back corner of the club. He gestured toward the table, waiting for her to sit down, which, after a moment, she did. Following him as he sat across the table, she felt her anger grow. "What is going on with you, Nick?" "Nothing." "Don't you dare give me that 'nothing' crap. You call in sick, then last night you convince Cohen to let you go home and stay home...and then, there was that with LaCroix." "What?" he asked, tensing slightly. "Just the way he was touching you...and you didn't seem to care. If I didn't know better, I would say you were enjoying it." He just stared at her, but she wanted an answer. "Nick...." She stopped, trying to figure out how to phrase what her mind was thinking. "How close are you and LaCroix?" He looked away. "Nick, what is your relationship with him? Friends? Father and son?" She paused, watching as he became more uncomfortable. "Companions? Lovers, perhaps?" At that, he snapped his attention to her. "You wouldn't understand. You can't. You're a mortal." "So? I thought you wanted to be mortal, too." "Do I? I'm not so sure anymore, Nat. Look at me...a vampire pretending to be a mortal. I'm not even very good at it." He paused, looking to the table for a moment. "I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I'm not sure of anything right now. I need space. I need to just be...me. I am what I am, and I don't know if I want to change that." She swallowed. Was he saying what she thought he was saying? "Nick...you can't just give up. Is that what you want me to do, give up on you, on all that we've done?" He shook his head. "No. I just...can we put a hold on things for the time being?" She looked at him and he caught her anger rising. "What you've done hasn't been for nothing, know that. I'm just not sure what I want anymore. Please don't take this the wrong way. I still want to be friends; if we can...I just want to remain as I am for now." Sitting there, she felt as if Nick had just thrown away the last chunk of her life. She had put so much time and effort into helping him, and what did she get? Nothing. Schanke's questions asking if she really knew Nick came back to her, and she realized that she didn't know him. Not this Nick. "Friends? Is that it? You want to be friends?" Again, she got silence. "You're acting strange...getting angry and defensive when you shouldn't. You know, I'm starting to think Schanke's right. He sees you as a vampire, as something that enjoys intimidating and killing. He's becoming afraid of you, of this side to you." She paused, letting that sink in. Then, pursing her lips, she continued, "Schanke told me about the rosary. Myra's mother gave it to him. Did you know that? Probably not...but, point is, you didn't have to do that. And, before, I would have never expected you to do such a thing. You've changed, Nick. You've changed, and not for the better. I don't think I know you anymore. I'm not sure I ever did." "I am a vampire...but I'm *not* a killer." "And I'm supposed to take your word for it? You've been one, Nick. Whoever killed that woman is a vampire, and, if by chance it was you, I'm not sure I'd be surprised. The way you've been acting...it's like you enjoy being a vampire. I mean...it's like you want to kill again." "You think I killed her," he evenly stated. "Schanke isn't dismissing the possibility, and I'm sorry, but I'm not dismissing it either." The expression on his face at her words was...indescribable. She wasn't sure if it was anger, pain, or what. "Nick, I'm not sure what to think anymore. I really don't know you, and, frankly, I don't know if I can trust you anymore. Same thing goes for Schanke." "Fine. Think what you want. Apparently, you've already made up your mind." He stood, staring down at her. "Just...please...just leave me alone." With that, he left her at the table, heading across the club and into LaCroix' office. Half slamming the door behind him, Nick stared at the far wall, ignoring LaCroix. Her words hurt. He knew what he'd told her had done the same...but why did she have to bring that up? He didn't want to kill. He'd told her that...but at the same time, he knew his behavior wasn't confirming his words. He just wanted some time to think about his search for a cure. He hadn't given it up just yet, but he needed a break. "Conversation go badly, I take it?" He turned to LaCroix, baring his fangs. He didn't want to deal with this right now. "Just leave the subject alone. It's my problem." He turned, preparing to leave the office, but was stopped a moment later by LaCroix' arm. Spinning his son to face him, LaCroix easily discerned the pain the mortal caused. Just beneath the surface, tears were forming--tears caused by the conflict within. Nicholas both cared too much for the mortals and let himself be affected by them too easily. LaCroix didn't like seeing his son like this, and quickly pulled the younger to him, embracing him and holding Nicholas' head to his shoulder in a tight grip. "You know you can come to me, Nicholas. You do not have to hold these feelings in." "I know, LaCroix. I know." Holding his son, he gently kissed one section of bare skin, and then another. At first, Nicholas didn't return the actions, but eventually LaCroix felt him relax. As he kissed the younger, he slowly unbuttoned the collar of Nicholas' shirt, allowing the other to do the same to him. "Let my blood soothe you, Nicholas. Let it soothe and wash away this pain of yours." Nick nodded just barely. He needed to feel close to someone...he needed the pain to go away, if only for a short time. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Standing outside the Raven's doors, Natalie hadn't managed to make it to her car. She couldn't stop thinking about the last expression on Nick's face. It bothered her. She'd hurt him, she knew, but...how deeply was it affecting him? He might have given up on her, but she couldn't give up on him. Making a decision, she headed back into the club. But...Nick was nowhere to be found. Then, recalling seeing him head into LaCroix' office, she braced herself and headed resolutely for the door, not caring if he was talking to LaCroix or not. She just hoped the door wouldn't be locked...if it was, she knew she'd just be making a fool of herself. She reached the door, and then grasped the knob, turning quickly and pushing the door in. Then, she froze. Before her, Nick and LaCroix were standing in the middle of the room, each holding onto the other. Their heads were at each other's necks, and from where she was standing, she could see a couple of specks of blood sliding down Nick's throat. She let the door close loudly, waiting for them to turn her way. A couple of seconds later, they disengaged, Nick turning to her with golden eyes and several drops of blood on his lips. This time, she really had no idea what the look on his face meant. Standing there, she watched as Nick prepared to say something to her, but before he could, LaCroix moved closer, kissing him on the lips and licking the blood off. Nick responded to the action in kind. She couldn't move or comment. She couldn't even believe what she was seeing. Above all, she was disappointed and saddened. Whether she wanted to acknowledge it or not, Nick was probably lost to her. When they pulled away from each other, she spoke, "I...I just wanted to add something...but I guess you probably don't want to hear it." She stared at him, and he stared silently back, still vamped out. "I'm going." With that, she left the room, slamming the door and heading out of the club. Nick stared at the closed door. There was more to her last words, he knew. She was going...and she wasn't going to be coming back. He fell to his knees, closing his eyes. After a moment, he felt LaCroix' hands on his shoulder's, massaging the tight muscles. "LaCroix...?" "Shh...just relax. I'm here. I'll make sure she doesn't come back to the club, if you'd like?" He considered the offer, but shook his head. Natalie wouldn't be back. There was no need to ban her from the Raven if she wasn't going to be back. "No...just...can we go to the apartment? I want peace and quiet, and I don't think I'm going to get any of that here. Not from my thoughts." "Of course, Nicholas. Shall we wait a few minutes?" Letting LaCroix continue to rub his shoulders, he nodded. "Yes, a few minutes." Then, he relaxed into the touch, letting the motions comfort him. Shades of Grey - (17/21) Closing the door to the apartment, LaCroix kept a careful eye on his son. Nicholas was outwardly quiet, but inside, he felt the other's emotions swirling in a storm. Approaching the other, he felt Nicholas lean back toward him almost before he could block the descent. "LaCroix, I...what have I done?" "Don't think about it, Nicholas. Just rest. That's all you need do for the moment. Rest." His son leaned further into him, forcing him to support the younger's weight. After a moment, he gently picked the other up, carrying Nicholas' mostly limp form to the spare room. Laying his child on the bed, he removed Nicholas' shoes and socks, and then proceeded to unbutton the top buttons and cuffs of Nicholas' shirt. As an afterthought, he untucked his son's shirt. Every action was allowed without resistance. In fact, there was no motion at all from the other. Slowly, he pulled away, planning on leaving and allowing Nicholas to rest. When a hand snatched his retreating wrist, he stopped. The need in his son's eyes drew him back. Soon, Nicholas was sitting up, guiding their lips closer until they lightly touched, seemingly igniting a spark as the younger pulled him ever nearer, deepening the kiss. Now on his knees at the side of the bed, LaCroix drew back, slightly surprised at what Nicholas had done. Surprised, but pleasantly. He smiled, and then his son reached for his shirt, undoing it almost frantically. He moved back, and Nicholas followed until they were both on the floor, kneeling before the other. His son continued his actions. Soon, his clothes had been completely removed, at which Nicholas wasted no time in ridding himself of what remained of his. The younger kissed him on his collarbone, and then shifted downward, focusing on his nipples. Nicholas' fangs teased the sensitive skin. Feeling them lightly puncture his skin, he barely had time to react before Nicholas' tongue licked away what blood was released. The younger's attentions continued for several minutes, and then he felt himself being pushed gently backward. Lying back onto the carpet, Nicholas didn't allow his touch to cease for even a second. A kiss here, a nip there...he wasn't sure where exactly his son was focusing and didn't really care. Abruptly feeling one of Nicholas' hands slink around his member, he instinctively tried to sit up, a slight gasp escaping his lips. He hardened quickly from the other's touch. Then, as Nicholas' fingers caressed him, he leaned back; nearly forgetting about the younger's other ministrations. As the kisses faded out along his stomach, he opened his eyes to see what Nicholas was doing just as the other's tongue licked the head of his penis. The sensation took him over as Nicholas proceeded to take him inside his mouth, sucking both gently and intensely. Soon, he was completely erect and more than simply aroused. He wanted Nicholas, and he wanted him now. At the same time, he didn't want this to end. Then, as it did, he waited, wondering just what was on Nicholas' mind. Their mouths met once again, each moist and wanting the other. He ran his hands through the younger's hair, not wanting to let any part of his son fade or be forgotten. All he wanted was for this to last forever...he would give anything to have Nicholas at his side for the rest of eternity. They broke off, each opening their eyes and staring into the other's eyes. Nicholas backed away with a mischievous smile, inviting him closer. LaCroix approached, grabbing the other playfully about the waist, pulling until they were both lying on the floor. Drawing Nicholas ever nearer, until they were eventually stretched out against the other, he kissed the back of his son's neck, causing a shiver to run through the younger. He lightly rubbed Nicholas' abdomen, wondering if the younger would allow them to continue tonight or not. He deeply hoped that it would be so, but knew that it might not be the case. Shifting, he carefully rolled his son onto his stomach, his hands now gently massaging the muscles in Nicholas' back. He moved between Nicholas' legs, gently pushing them apart. Letting the tips of his fingers run down the younger's spine, he watched as the other relaxed even further than before. He smiled. "Nicholas...?" "Please...I need you, LaCroix." He waited a couple of seconds, adding, "I want this." He nodded, although the action would have been invisible to his son. Resting his hands on Nicholas' lower back for a moment, he allowed them to slowly slip lower, until they rested on Nicholas' buttocks. He caressed the skin, gently massaging it and making sure Nicholas was indeed relaxed. Then, leaning forward, he positioned himself behind his son, his member pressing gently into Nicholas, teasing the tight opening. Feeling the muscles relax after a moment, he slowly pushed into the younger vampire, feeling Nicholas' body surround him and literally pull him in. He carefully let his full weight rest on the other for a moment. They remained there for over a minute, more or less solely enjoying the connection between them, LaCroix occasionally kissing the younger vampire's back. Then, shortly after, he slipped his hands along the other's body, and prodded his link with Nicholas, making sure his son was ready to continue. Realizing his son was more than ready, he pulled slightly back and out of Nicholas, then slid ever so slowly back in. The pleasure was excruciating for both of them, and he smelled Nicholas' blood as the other's fangs cut his lip. He thrusted again, and then again, deeper with each action until he felt himself nearing climax. Nicholas' muscles had tensed, his fingers gripping the short, soft carpet as he held in his pleasure. Needing release, LaCroix sank his fangs into the other's shoulder, taking the warm life from Nicholas' veins. Having his fill, he pulled away, and then a moment later, out of Nicholas, rolling onto his back and looking to the side. Nicholas' delight was apparent, and he watched as the other stared greedily over to him. He still saw the want and need in his son. Tonight was far from being over...far, far, from being over. Reaching out, he traced his fingers along Nicholas' neck, watching the other's state of arousal increase. He stood, pulling Nicholas to his feet, and then closer, until they were touching. His son kissed him, but this time as his son prepared to please him, LaCroix silently stopped the other's actions. He teased the other's neck, massaging the once again relaxed muscles of Nicholas' chest. Switching places with the younger vampire, he half pushed Nicholas to sit on the edge of the bed. Kneeling, he drew up to the other, wrapping his arms around the other's waist. He kissed the flesh before him, and as Nicholas leaned back, he realized the other was not aware of what he was planning to do. He grinned and ran his fingers up the soft skin of Nicholas' inner thighs, teasing his son. He lingered as long as he could just short of Nicholas' groin, watching as the other's member became even more engorged with blood. Once his son was fully erect, he lightly stroked the underside of the shaft, teasing further. Then, wrapping his fingers around the shaft, he leaned closer, taking Nicholas into his mouth in one swift motion. As his son gasped at the sensation, he let his fangs tease the foreskin, and then literally torture the flesh it protected. Feeling Nicholas squirm with pleasure, he continued his actions. He sucked gently, aware that his son wouldn't be able to handle this much longer. Pulling away, he immediately found Nicholas sitting up, trying to bring him back. When he managed to fully pull away, he felt frustration wash across him. The emotion was strong, but a hint of playfulness broke through as well. The next thing he knew, he was being pushed up against the bed, Nicholas kneeling behind him. Nicholas' moist erection pressed against him as the other held him close. Soft kisses punctuated with an occasional nip teased him, but didn't make his attention stray far. He wanted this just as much as the younger. All he had to do was wait. Ever so slowly, Nicholas pressed into him, pushing past the tight muscles of his ass, penetrating deep and slow. By the time the younger began to thrust into him, he was more than enough relaxed. In the future, he would be sure to allow his son this more often...it really was quite pleasurable. He gasped as Nicholas drove into him harder. It was wonderful to have his son so very close...to be one with the other. He smiled with the satisfaction that Nicholas was his and would always be no matter what. As the younger hit a particularly sensitive spot once, and then again, a moan escaped his lips. The other took full advantage of his reaction, repeating the thrust over and over...until he was eventually in bliss. He couldn't think of anything else. Nicholas was everything at that moment, and would soon be taking him in the most intimate act a vampire could. Nicholas' hands teased him--his nipples, his abdomen, his thighs...everything. There seemed to be no end to this pleasure. He knew there would be, but it didn't seem to be arriving...just building and building. He moaned again, arching his back and leaning into the younger. Feather light kisses and brushes of flesh commenced, and he couldn't have pulled away even if he'd wanted to. Even while the other continued to thrust, Nicholas' fangs found their way into his neck, taking the blood without resistance. When he thought he couldn't take anymore, his son offered his wrist, which he greedily took. Then, only once he had taken his son's warm nectar did the other climax, pulling him closer and firmly embracing him. As the height of the moment passed, they rested as they were, both breathing slow and deep. Eventually, they disengaged and moved to face one another. They stood and once again kissed. Drawing back, LaCroix put his hand to Nicholas' cheek. The skin was warm and flushed from their activity. "Nicholas...." He was cut off as the other's mouth met his. Pulling back, he held his son at arms length. "I don't want this to end...not yet." "Neither do I, and I don't intend for it to do so. I have always enjoyed our time spent together like this...please know that, LaCroix." They both smiled and kissed again. The night had only begun and would most certainly not end until much later.... Shades of Grey - (18/21) Natalie sat at her desk with her head in her hands. She had come in early to get the test results on that DNA test...and as she'd originally suspected, the DNA, although certainly a vampire's, was not Nick's. Nick had no more a part in that woman's death than she did. Right now, she was waiting for Schanke to come by, hoping this would be enough proof for him. Together, they had pushed Nick away and hurt him to a point she wasn't sure if he would come back from or not. They, possibly his closest friends, had let Nick fuel their anger and doubt, pitting them against him. If she were Nick, she would be hesitant to allow that friendship to return for fear this would happen again. Hearing someone enter, she glanced up and found the detective standing there. "Got your note," Schanke said, holding a small piece of paper up. "What did you want to talk to me about?" "Schanke...the DNA test came back." "And...? What were the results? Was it Nick?" "No, it wasn't Nick. Yes, a vampire did kill her...but not Nick. The DNA is too different for it to be him." "Okay, maybe he was an accessory, then...I really don't know. I just have this feeling that he had something to do with that woman's murder, whether directly or not." He turned to leave, and she stood. "Schanke, wait. Wait!" He faced her, and she explained, "We've hurt him plenty the last several days. We've pushed him so far away that I don't know if he'll accept an apology from us." "An apology? You want me to apologize to him? For what? He's the vampire, the killer." "He's not a killer--either that woman's or one in general. He's our friend, and we haven't been treating him like it." "Well, he hasn't exactly been defending himself, either. Or, for that matter, treating us like his friends. If anything, I'd say that he was the one pushing us away." With that, he left, heading back to the precinct. Natalie just stood there, hoping that eventually everything would be resolved. She knew that Nick had been acting strange, shoving them away...and she let him. She didn't like seeing Nick and Schanke like this...and considering that pushing Nick away was her fault just as much as Schanke's, she just wanted to hit herself for it. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. As night fell, Nick left the apartment and took to the air. He had done a lot of thinking as he had fallen asleep. Natalie had hurt him...and so had Schanke. But, he didn't want to be at odds with them. They were his friends. He was, at present, on his way to a small antique shop across town. Natalie had just touched on Schanke's rosary...at which he remembered its fate. He hadn't intended to destroy the rosary--he'd just overreacted. He knew that had hurt Schanke and only confirmed the other's beliefs. And, now, he was hoping to mend some of what he had done. Landing near the shop, he headed for the entrance. Earlier, he had called around, checking a few places that have rosaries. Although he knew it wouldn't be a replacement, he hoped the gift would be enough to begin to mend their friendship. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Two hours later, he stood outside of Schanke's home, staring at the door and holding a small, flat box in his hands. He had hoped, perhaps, that Schanke would be there so that he could give the gift in person, but perhaps it was best that he wasn't home. He could just as easily give the box to Myra, and he would possibly avoid a confrontation with Schanke in the process. Stepping up toward the door, he rang the doorbell and waited. A moment later, the door opened, revealing an enthusiastic little girl-- Jenny, Schanke's daughter. "Hiya, Nick. My Dad's at work." He made himself manage a smile. "I know he is. Could I talk to your mother?" The girl nodded, and when she held the door open wider for him to come in, he did so after a moment. The door shut behind him, and as Jenny went to get Myra, he felt quite out of place in the house. He'd never been here without Schanke, and it was...strange. He wasn't comfortable being there, knowing what Schanke would probably say if he knew. "Nick, I haven't seen you around for a little while. Is something wrong?" She didn't know. Schanke had kept the knowledge of what he was and his suspicions to himself. He was thankful for that. As that meant Schanke's thoughts were probably eating at him, since he had no one to talk to except Natalie.... At first, upon coming here, he had feared Schanke had spoken with Myra. Thinking about it more, now, he realized the other wouldn't have said anything, not unless Schanke was absolutely certain of his beliefs. "Uh, no, nothing's wrong. I have the night off tonight, and wanted to drop something off for Don." Saying the other's first name made him more uncomfortable as he stood there, but he didn't want to use Schanke...it felt wrong, here, without him present. "Of course. What did you want to give him? Something about one of your cases?" "No, not exactly.... It's a...gift of sorts." He pulled out the box; the tape holding it securely shut, and handed it to her. "I'll make sure he gets it." "Thanks." He turned, prepared to leave, when he felt a hand on his arm. "Are you sure you don't want to stay for a few minutes? You look like you could use some coffee, or perhaps some tea? It wouldn't be any trouble." Nick was at a loss for words. He didn't want to refuse, but how could he do anything less? "I'm sorry, I-" He stopped, the door opening and Schanke staring at him. "What are you doing here?" "I...just stopped by to drop something off," he answered. "Oh. Really?" The words themselves were normal...but Nick stiffened at the tone used. "I'm just on my way out. I need to get back." He slipped out the open door before the other could stop him, only to find Schanke following. Heading toward a shadow, he spun, glaring at the other and trying to keep his nature under control. "What are you doing here?! Don't you dare even think about hurting my family, Nick. I won't allow it." This accusation added to the others. Nick let his eyes glow, commenting, "If I did want to hurt them, I assure you, you wouldn't be able to do anything about it." He inwardly winced, aware his words hadn't helped matters. Nick prepared to take to the air, but Schanke stopped him with his hand. "If I find out you so much as breathed on them, I'll make sure you know what a stake feels like." Staring at the hand gripping his arm, Nick then turned his gaze to Schanke. "Release me." When the other didn't, he roughly pulled away and took to the sky in one quick motion. Schanke stared up at the black sky, his anger barely contained. For several seconds, he simply stood there, looking at the stars. Nick was getting on his nerves...not just what he was, but everything about the other was bothering him. Nick was on edge, something he'd seen before, but not like this. Knowing that what fueled the emotions in the other was blood, was because Nick was a vampire.... Letting out a deep breath, he slowly made his way back into the house, closing the door snuggly behind him. He halted, his eyes meeting Myra's. "What's going on? Nick came by...he seemed a little strange. And when you got here, it was like you scared him off." "Nothing. Everything's fine. He just has some...business to attend to." Myra glanced to the box, fingering the slightly rough surface. "He wanted to give this to you," she said, holding it out to her husband. He took it, slowly, wondering what it was. "Did he mention what was in it?" "No, only that it was for you. A gift of some kind." She paused, and then glanced to the clock on the wall. "What are you doing here? You're going to be late getting back to the precinct." "Just checking up on you, seeing how you and Jenny are...perhaps grabbing a couple of cookies on my way out?" As she shook her head, he headed into the kitchen, took a few cookies out of a jar, smiled and said goodnight to Jenny, and then headed back toward the door. Giving Myra a kiss goodnight and telling her to take care, he was out of the house. Heading to his car, Schanke carefully looked around, wondering if Nick was hiding somewhere in the shadows just waiting for him to leave so the vampire could pounce. Getting into the car, he hoped Myra and Jenny would be safe. He tossed the box on the other seat, biting into one of the cookies. They probably weren't the best for him, but as he ate them, they calmed his thoughts. Were Myra and Jenny really safe, though? Nick could, apparently, enter his home anytime he wished. What if the vampire did something to his family while he was gone? He would be, as Nick said himself, helpless against it. His only option to really protect them would be to tell Myra and Jenny, but they would just laugh it off. At the same time, he realized that if Nick wanted to harm them, as the other had said, he probably would have already. That calmed him somewhat. Unconsciously, he believed the other's words without questions, knowing Nick would never harm them. Driving methodically back to the precinct, he headed somewhat angrily into the building, forgetting all about the little box. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Arriving back at the Raven, Nick headed to the living quarters and stopped, feeling something behind him. "How did your little delivery go?" He turned, facing the elder vampire. "I just went out for a bit of air." "You picked a rosary up from an antique shop and went to your partner's home. You seem to forget that your thoughts are mine." He sighed. "I guess I'll find out later." LaCroix watched as his son's mood dropped. Although Nicholas had, more or less, returned to him, it was apparent that the mortals were still very important to him. Between his son's partner and that coroner, he had gotten his son back, but despite their...betrayal, Nicholas still held onto them. In fact, Nicholas' thoughts were starting to drift back toward them even now. "They are mortals. Mortals forgive and forget. They will eventually realize their mistakes." The younger didn't change his stance. Moving closer, he circled around behind his son, gently pulling the younger toward him. As Nicholas leaned against him, he whispered into the other's ear, "Do not concern yourself with them. If they truly are your 'friends' they will see the error in their judgment." Nick stiffened, but remained within the other's embrace. "What do you mean, 'error in their judgment'? I thought mortals were nothing to you." "Perhaps, but they are something to you. You are not a killer, Nicholas. But, you *are* a vampire. You know you cannot deny that fact, and shouldn't." He allowed LaCroix to continue holding him for several minutes. The elder vampire's presence helped calm him. Then, shifting, he slowly removed himself from the grasp. "I'm going down to the club. I could use a drink about now." LaCroix watched his son turn to leave. "Will you be staying the day again?" He turned, a wicked glint in his eyes. "What do you think?" Closing his eyes as the younger departed, he smiled. Nicholas was, indeed, very much his--despite his son's interest in the mortals. The look in the younger's eyes had been more of an answer than the words. Nicholas would indeed be staying...and he suspected the next several days would mimic the previous day. If Nicholas hoped the mortals would be his friends while they were together, who was he to complain? He grinned, preparing to head into the club as well. Shades of Grey - (19/21) One and a half weeks later: Standing in the Raven, Natalie looked across those gathered, her attention focusing on Nick and LaCroix. There they were, much as they had been on her last visit...but even closer. Despite not wanting to see this, she knew Nick was happy. He really enjoyed being in LaCroix' company. She suppressed tears as she watched him drift ever closer to the other. It had taken her until now to round up enough courage to come here, knowing she had hurt him the last time they had spoken. She hadn't planned to come here again...but she found couldn't stay away. It had taken over a week, and she was afraid it had taken too long. Remaining where she was, she saw LaCroix make a gesture to the bartender, and a moment later a glass and bottle was brought to him. The glass was filled about half way with blood, and then a small amount of red wine was added. LaCroix stirred the mixture with his finger, and then, pulling his finger out and raising it to his lips, he proceeded to slowly lick the liquid off. She saw Nick's smile brighten a little at the action, and she nearly looked away. Then, LaCroix took a sip of the blood, saying something before handing the glass to Nick. She watched as he took it, having several sips from the glass before giving it back. Their actions were so casual and relaxed that she wondered if she should simply leave. Did Nick even know, or care that she was there? Even as she thought that, her eyes met Nick's across the room. He said something to the other vampire, at which LaCroix nodded. As she approached, Nick moved away from the bar, walking into the office. She followed, pausing just before reaching the door. Then, entering, Natalie carefully closed the door behind her, slowly turning around. He quietly stared at her, pain visible in his eyes. Perhaps the pain was too great to forget...but she hoped it wasn't. Slowly taking a few steps closer, she glanced down at the two notebooks she held against her. Since arriving at the club, she hadn't thought much of them. She fingered the covers, wondering if she could really go through with this, and if Nick would accept it. "Uh...Nick, I just.... I want to apologize for what I've said, and for not trusting you." He turned away from her. "Is that all?" The dismissive tone hurt...but she didn't let it push her. "No, it isn't. I do want us to still be friends, Nick." He spun, his eyes quickly turning gold. She held her position under his gaze, pursing her lips. "I've been doing a lot of thinking. It's really hard for me to come here-" "Then why did you?" Closing her eyes, she willed herself to hold her emotions in. She could get through this. "You said you wanted to put our search on hold for a while...but that you wanted to remain friends. I'd like that, if we can?" He stared over at her, not moving. With a glance at the notebooks, she held them forward. "Take them, Nick. They have my notes on what you are, on our work together." "Keep them," he quickly said. When she tensed, he told her, "Please, Nat." He again turned away from her, trying to block her out. But, she wasn't going to leave until she had a better answer. "I want you to have them. If you decide to resume your search...then I will take them back. This way you will have them in case you have to move on and want to continue this sometime in the future. I know you've been thinking about leaving...I'm sure you've considered it. This way, you won't have to start from scratch if you do." He stood in the same spot, not moving a muscle. "Nick, these books mean quite a bit to me. They are the last several years of my life. I want to know that it wasn't a waste, that something can come of what we've done together. I want you to take them." She was now standing next to him, holding the books out. He looked at them, but didn't take them. "Do you think we can be friends, Natalie?" "You seemed to think so when we last spoke. I would like to, if we can." "And what of this?" he asked, gesturing to the notebooks. She pulled them back and held them close to her. "It's your choice as to what you want to do with your life, Nick. I'm a little frustrated, to have worked on this for so long and for it to suddenly be pushed aside...but I also want you to be happy. And, if you're happy, I think I can be too." Nick met her eyes and watched as a tear formed in the corner of one eye. She meant what she said. Hesitantly, not sure she would allow it, he reached up and wiped the tear away, at which she turned away. "I do still want to be friends, Nat...but, just so we're clear, even though I've drifted back toward my kind doesn't mean I am going to go back to hunting and killing. I don't want to do that. What I want is...somewhat undefined at the moment. Please, just give me some time before we decide on anything concrete." She nodded, catching at least some of his meaning. He had gone back to LaCroix...not the whole way, but enough that the two were now on good terms. Yet, she saw that he did still want to be her friend, and perhaps they would be able to again start their search for a cure. She slowly nodded, and then, meeting his eyes, she asked, "So...friends, then?" He managed a weak smile. "Friends." Uncomfortably shifting her weight, Natalie noticed as the room suddenly became quiet. "Uh...I'm going to head back to work. I'll see you around sometime?" "Yeah, I'll return to work in a couple of days." She waited another moment, and then, as the silence started to bother her, she turned and headed toward the door. "Nat?" He watched as she faced him. It was clear that she wasn't entirely at ease here, but then, neither was he. "Schanke...is he taking things any better?" "I really don't know, Nick. We haven't spoken much over the past few days." She paused, thinking about their last conversation. "I don't think his opinion about you has changed much, if that's what you're asking. I know he's really upset about that woman's death, and Matt's." He stiffened at that. "And the case?" "You know what will happen to it. It'll stay open for a while, but will eventually be put in the unsolved stack." She watched him tense further. "Do you know who killed her?" He shook his head. "No, I don't know her murderer, although I do know something about it." "And you won't tell me what, will you?" Letting his eyes meet hers for a moment, he then looked away. She kept her feelings to herself, not wanting to say anything that might tip the balance they had achieved. "If you want to talk...stop by, I won't mind. I really do want to stay friends, Nick." Nodding, she watched as she slowly left, at which he let out a breath in relief. He was glad she could forgive him...and that she had come. Although he feared her thoughts on his actions and his relationship with LaCroix, he knew they were, at least, still friends. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Leading the way out of the precinct, Natalie stopped once they were alone, turning to the detective. "Schanke, please, just listen to me." "Listen to what? He's probably killed hundreds, no, make that *thousands* of innocent people, and you want me to just ignore it?" "Schanke...just listen. Yes, he's a vampire, and yes, he has killed. Neither of us will deny it, but it is a fact. Nick's different, now. He doesn't kill. He tries to help people." The other wasn't listening, and she found herself becoming quite frustrated. "Don't judge Nick by what he is, judge him by who he is." "I am, Natalie! I'm taking the image he's putting forth and he's acting like...I don't know...." "Just give him a chance. Who he is now is the same person he was before you knew what he was. Perhaps he's letting a little more of his dark side out, but he's still Nick. Not only that, but even after all of this, he's still letting me be a part of his life. But we hurt him, Schanke. Yes, he's hurt us. I know that, and I think Nick does, too." "Well, you can be friends, if that's what you want...but I'm not sure I can really trust him, Natalie." As Schanke walked off, heading for the precinct, Natalie stood stiffly in place. She hoped this could be resolved, but...her hope was slowly fading. Unless Schanke realized that Nick was still Nick despite his behavior, and soon, she was afraid it would only push Nick further away from her and toward LaCroix. Eventually, she feared, he would leave with LaCroix, never to be seen again. She shook the last thought away. Nick wouldn't leave...at least that's what she told herself in reassurance. Schanke would see reason. He had seen it before, when he had prodded into Nick's affairs. She hoped he would be able to again, and the two's friendship would be restored. Shades of Grey - (20/21) Pulling his car into a parking spot the next night, Schanke stared out the window for a second, and then took his keys out of the ignition. There, still sitting on the other seat, was the box Nick had dropped off at his home nearly two weeks before. Slowly, he reached for the small, white object, picking it up. It was fairly heavy for the size of box, and made a little bit of noise as he shook it. Tape held the unmarked box closed. It was just a plain, generic box. He nearly put it back, but his curiosity got the better of him. Breaking the tape, he hesitated just before removing the lid. What would be inside? Some sick joke? Or perhaps it was warning of some threat that he should have known about sooner? Breathing deeply in, he closed his eyes and pulled the top off. Looking down into the box, all he saw was tissue paper. Carefully, he pulled the tissue paper away, and stared blankly at the object sitting in the box. It was a rosary. Dark green beads, possibly jade, with silver metal work sat before him. He removed it from the box, getting a closer look at the object. Off hand, he would say it was old...and expensive. Unless Nick just had it lying around, he would have had to go out and buy it. Either way, it went against the picture he had painted of his partner. He held the rosary, gently fingering the cross. It was similar to the one that was destroyed, although not exactly. Unlike the other, this was an antique, and had probably cost quite a bit. And, considering just what his partner was, he could only imagine what it had been like to get the rosary. Nick had touched it despite being uncomfortable around it. He also suspected that his partner had very probably been burned by the cross, remembering the other's reaction. Natalie's words came rushing back to him. 'Don't judge Nick by what he is, judge him by who he is.' And, as Natalie had mentioned, Nick was their friend. He'd been through this before, and he'd dismissed what his mind saw. This time, he had done the opposite, letting himself believe everything presented to him and every possible aspect that might be a part of Nick to be true. Before all of this began, Matt's death affected Nick more than anyone had expected. And then, when he had blown up upon seeing what his partner could do, he blamed Nick...and he knew that the other was already blaming himself for Matt's death. With that, his partner had reacted badly--very badly--and he had only pushed the situation, making it worse. If what Natalie said was true, that they had both hurt Nick, then he had dealt the hardest blows. However, even if Nick had indeed accepted Natalie back, he suspected it would be harder with him. He knew he had betrayed his friendship with his partner with the teasing, and some of what he'd said probably hurt far more than what Natalie had. He had repeated to both himself and Nick that the other was a killer. Despite that, Natalie's belief otherwise and her trust in his partner had prevented him from completely believing it. His thoughts had kept wondering...if she knew what Nick was and she still wanted to be his friend...perhaps he was wrong. He had to admit, Nick didn't seem like a killer--not in all he'd seen the other do since they had been partnered together. All, except of course, recently. Honestly, he didn't know much about the other. Sure, Nick was a cop and a vampire, but he didn't quite fit in as either...but then, could you really categorize anyone perfectly? Humans were unique, and he suspected vampires were the same. Not all humans were good...even if it was something many wanted to believe. To admit that some humans were evil was like admitting part of oneself is, that all humans have that capability. Humans, by his guess, represented some of the most heinous individuals on the planet. Just because the general stereotype of vampires was that they were evil didn't mean they were all evil. Perhaps Nick, eccentric in more than one way to himself and the mortal world, was also not the typical vampire. That was, of course, assuming his knowledge on vampires was correct. Knowledge, which more than likely had been fabricated from myth and not from live subjects. At least, he hoped they weren’t from real vampires, as he suspected knowledge like that wouldn't be easily given out. Carefully replacing the rosary in the box and putting the lid back on, he set it on the other seat. Staring at it for a moment, he abruptly stepped out of the car and headed for the precinct. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Schanke sat heavily at his desk that night. Every night for the past week he'd gone and asked Cohen when Nick was going to be coming back...and every night she had told him, slightly in monotone, the next night. He knew it was Nick's doing, and wasn't sure what to think of it anymore. Nick hadn't been in since he had started pushing the other, making statements and tweaking the vampire's anger. He clenched his jaw. He knew he had gone too far. Nick's reason for not coming to work was most likely because of him. The other was avoiding him, and he really couldn't blame Nick for reacting as he had. Silently, he wondered if Nick would even accept an apology after what he had done. He wouldn't be surprised if his partner didn't come back...he knew it would be awfully hard if their roles were switched. He heard his voice teasing and accusing his partner, and he heard the barely controlled anger in Nick's responses. They had fed one another's reactions, using it against each other. Making a decision, he pulled out a blank sheet of paper and a pen, writing a lengthy apology for everything. For the jokes he had made not knowing it really was bothering Nick from before, to the accusations of murder and rape. He knew it had all hurt Nick--even if nothing had been said in the past. Finishing the note and reading it through, he stared at the last paragraph. It was virtually a plea to be forgiven and an offer of partnership. Folding it up, he stapled the edge together and wrote the other's name on one side. Then, before he forgot, he put the paper on Nick's desk and turned back to their cases. The woman's murder was slowly becoming the bottom of the stack. It would never be solved, he knew. He hoped Nick had nothing to do with her death, but it was something he'd probably never know. But...he could deal with that, he hoped. They'd gotten two new cases since that night--neither of which his partner even knew about. One was mostly solved, but the other he wasn't getting anywhere on. He knew that Nick very probably could, though. His partner was able to do things he couldn't, literally, and had a different way of looking at things. Perhaps that was why made such a good team when they actually managed to work together. They had different insights and came from different backgrounds. In the past, they'd put their differences behind them, and he hoped he would be able to do so again, as well. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Despite having left the Raven to return to his loft, Nick really enjoyed spending time with LaCroix. He hoped the elder vampire wouldn't take his departure the wrong way, as it had nothing to do with him. He was just more comfortable at his apartment. When he'd left, he had simply gone, not telling LaCroix...something he was beginning to think was a mistake. Nick crossed the room, looking out the window to the night sky. The darkness was and had been his world for nearly eight hundred years. Deep down, he didn't really want to spend an eternity in the night. He enjoyed and missed daylight...missed more than just that. He also knew that if he became human, he'd miss some of the qualities of being a vampire. Since returning to the loft, he had begun to doubt his decision of not continuing the search for a cure. He didn't want to be a killer-- something he feared would happen if he really and truly embraced what he was. But he quickly realized that accepting what he was didn't mean that he had to return to his old ways, he could find a balance within himself between embracing his nature and not betraying his morals. It was something, ironically, that he'd thought about at the beginning of all of this. He would neither deny being a vampire--nor that he had killed. He just didn't want to do that anymore, and he knew his mortal friends would help to remind him that he was, although not human, humane. Or at least he hoped they would. Natalie, he knew, would be upset for some time, but as long as they remained friends, their time together hadn't been wasted. He didn't want to disappoint anyone, but knew he needed to do what made him happy and stop trying to please everyone else. Yet, he knew that whatever there was to come, he and LaCroix were on better terms than before. He was thankful for that one thing. Even if his sire would be somewhat disappointed that he would never fully return to him, he suspected that LaCroix would accept it. Pulling a bottle out of the refrigerator, Nick stopped as he closed the door, his hand still on the handle. He sensed the other a short distance away. Nick continued to the counter, pulling two glasses from the cupboard, and then filling each of them from the bottle. Once done, he remained still, feeling the other's approach. "I was quite surprised when I realized you had left, Nicholas." His son made no move or comment. He stepped closer, asking, "Why did you leave?" Again, there was no answer--only a stiffening of the younger's muscles. "I know there has to be some reason even if I can't sense it. Tell me, Nicholas." He turned to face the elder vampire. He didn't want to talk about his reasons, one in particular. He didn't want to say, or even think about it. Staring into the other's eyes, Nick abruptly looked away. "It's a lot of things, LaCroix." "Such as...?" "Schanke...what I am...various things. I've been doing a lot of thinking the last couple of days, and I just needed a little space...a more familiar environment." To LaCroix, his son's reasons didn't quite make sense. Nicholas had come to him for those same reasons, and now he was leaving for them? There was something more, but he couldn't figure it out. His son was hiding something from him. "There's another reason. What is it?" Again, his son turned away from him. "Nicholas, tell me!" "You, LaCroix. I know you had something to do with that woman's death. I tasted it every time I've taken your blood since then." He stiffened. Was this the reason Nicholas had left? He didn't speak...couldn't. He hadn't meant his son to know about his involvement in that--ever. Apparently, Nicholas was able to read his blood and thoughts better than he thought. "That's not why I left. It really is because I need more space," Nick said and met the other's gaze. "I know you want me back...but please, don't kill to do it." LaCroix held his stance. Had it been a mistake to do what he'd done? He had hoped his action would fuel the mortals' suspicions, and it had. Would this, possibly, be the end of their closeness? "Nicholas...." "I know, LaCroix. I'll accept what you did, but know that I take the blame for her death. Don't try to convince me otherwise. It won't work." He nodded slightly. Indeed, he had made an error in judgment. Nicholas had found out, and now that would probably be the conclusion of their closer relationship. Handing one of the glasses to LaCroix, Nick headed across the room, sitting on the couch. He watched as the elder followed, sitting nearby in the chair. "I've been doing a lot of thinking the last few days. I'm sure you know what Natalie and I discussed last night." Taking a whiff of the blood, he was pleased to see that it was human blood. At least everything hadn't yet been lost. Turning his focus to the subject, he mentioned, "Something about the resumption of your friendship." Nick nodded. "Yes. I think matters can be settled between us. There was a misunderstanding and things got out of hand. But Schanke, on the other hand...I'm not sure what to do." LaCroix felt concern from his son, which he too shared. "Something must be done. His knowledge of us is dangerous." "I'm aware of that...it's just...I don't think I would be able to do anything. I still hope that we can resolve matters, but I don't know anymore. I haven't spoken to or seen him...and really don't know his thoughts on anything." LaCroix took a sip from his glass, not sure if he should comment or not. Something did need to be done, and soon. "I can deal with this, if you wish?" Nicholas stiffened, and he quickly added, "I will not harm him, just remove a few memories." Closing his eyes, Nick eventually nodded, even though he really didn't want LaCroix to do so. "Don't do anymore than that, please." "You have my word, Nicholas." Swallowing a small amount of the blood, Nick leaned back. "Could you please leave me alone tonight? I...just want to think." LaCroix didn't comment. Every night since they had been together, their relationship had only grown closer. And now, here Nicholas was- -at his loft and asking to be alone, effectively ending everything. He nodded, finished his glass, and then flew out the skylight a moment later. Shades of Grey - (21/21) Coming out of the precinct after work, Schanke slowed upon approaching his car. There, standing next to it, was LaCroix, running his hand along the top edge of the roof above the door. "What are you doing here? I know you're a friend of Nick's, but...." LaCroix turned to the mortal, raising an eyebrow. "Oh...I'm much more than just his friend. We have spoken before and you know that Nicholas is family." "You're the one that brought him across, aren't you?" "I suppose you could say that...although Nicholas has taken quite a hand in his own life." Schanke approached closer, not sure if he should be afraid or not. "And why do you want to talk to me?" "At Nicholas' request, actually." At that, he felt uneasy. "What kind of request?" "A necessary one. Your knowledge is dangerous." He watched as the other remained still. "Is Nick having you do this, or-" "Nicholas knows it must be done, but would not be able to bring himself to do it. He...cares too much for humanity. I think you know why your knowledge must be dealt with." "Because if it got out, it'd destroy your kind, right?" The vampire nodded. "Look, I don't know what Nick thinks about all of this, but I've been doing quite a bit of thinking." He took a few more steps nearer, until they were standing right next to each other. "Vampires aren't that much different from humans, particularly Nick. I...I don't want to forget what Nick is." LaCroix turned, facing away. If it weren’t for Nicholas, he'd kill the mortal or do as should be done. But...his son trusted these mortals. Perhaps he should as well, and just keep an eye on this one. The mortal could be dealt with in the future if it were necessary. "Very well. Keep your knowledge." Stunned, it took Schanke a couple of seconds to respond, by which time the other was preparing to leave. "Wait...that's it? Why aren't you going to take my memories? That is what you were going to do, wasn't it?" "Would you rather I went through with my original plan?" "Uh...no, not really. It's just...why did you change your mind?" LaCroix considered the question. To be honest, he wasn't quite sure of the answer, only that it had to do with Nicholas. "As I said before, Nicholas is very much like you...and you are a lot like him. Nicholas, as you know, is very important to me. I am doing this for him, although I do ask that you do not let Nicholas know you know what he is." "Why?" "For your safety. Mortals that know of us are a danger, and rarely do they live long. If you keep quiet, you may live the rest of your days with this knowledge--as long as it is not discovered." He turned, stepping towards the building. "Knowledge might be enlightening, but it is also dangerous. Guard it well." Schanke watched as the other flew away, letting those last words sink in. In truth, it would probably have been safer if he didn't know what Nick was, but he wanted it to stay this way. Even if Nick didn't know, at least he could be a little more mindful of what his partner was. Getting in his car, he again glanced at the box. His partner had given him a gift far more than just the rosary for all of the trouble he had caused. He realized that there were other things out there besides humans, and that they weren't all bad. Perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing to have a vampire as a partner, and he hoped to find that out when his partner came in to work. At the moment, whether he would heed LaCroix' words yet or not, he didn't know. Although he was aware that it would be safer if he did so, he also wanted Nick to know he really did want them to be partners. He smiled slightly, knowing that whatever he decided it should all work out. Starting the ignition, he headed to his home and possibly the first good night of rest he'd had for a while. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. Nick sat at his desk, carefully looking over to his partner. So far, Schanke hadn't said a word to him, and he hoped it was because LaCroix had done as he'd planned. Schanke seemed...well, normal, and it made him tense. He couldn't understand how Schanke could be normal if he still knew what he was. It's not that he really wanted Schanke to lose his memories, it's just...he didn't know. In truth, he hoped LaCroix hadn't done as asked, but doubted that was the case. Spying a piece of paper lying off to the side, he carefully picked it up. His partner either didn't notice, or was purposely avoiding him. There on the paper was his name in Schanke's handwriting. He slowly pulled it apart, ripping the paper slightly at the staple, and realized it was a letter of some kind. Reading through it, he stopped at the end, only remembering the last paragraph. 'Humanity isn't all good, Knight. I cannot and will not deny that, and neither can I deny that all of your kind aren't evil. If, by some chance, you can forgive me for what I've said, particularly the accusations, I would like to be your partner. Even if you're not human, you're a better one than I am.' Those words meant more to him than his partner would possibly ever realize. Folding the paper, he found his partner's gaze on him, at which he immediately knew LaCroix hadn't done as asked. The stare was fearful and apologetic at the same time, showing that the other was still being affected by what happened between them. He relaxed slightly, putting his trust into the words of the letter. "I meant it, Nick. I wrote that before meeting your...father." Nick just stared at him, not giving away even a hint of his reaction. "So...what do you think--can we still be partners?" Nick let his lips quirk up into a faint smile. Holding his hand across the desk, he said, "More than partners. Friends." Schanke smiled at that, accepting the hand. After shaking it, an uncomfortable silence pushed its way between them. "So...Nick...why did you get the rosary for me? I mean, wasn't that...difficult, considering...." "Considering what I am?" He felt his anger rising, but, this time, he pushed it away. He focused on his partner, but couldn't find any malice in the other detective's expression, only curiosity. "Somewhat...but it was something I wanted to do. I really didn't mean to overreact before." "You just reacted to what I said. If our roles were reversed, I suspect I probably would have done the same thing, if not worse." As they both went silent, Schanke shifted somewhat, leaning slightly forward. "So...I must say this has been nagging me for a little while, but just who are you? I mean, I don't believe you're really 'Nicholas Knight', and I'm pretty sure you're quite a bit older than you look." Nick met the other's gaze. How would Schanke take it? Although not sure, there was only one way to find out. In nearly a whisper, he stated, "I was born in eleven-ninety-three to the name Nicolas de Brabant." Schanke took a moment and subtracted that date from the present. "Eight hundred and..." he trailed off, letting out a soft whistle. "That's quite some time ago." Recalling the rest of his partner's answer, something hit him. "So...Brabant...is that what the 'B' is for?" "Well...not exactly. It really doesn't stand for anything in particular. But, yeah, that works." Filing the answer away, he continued, having one more question, "Do you usually use some variation of your first name, or just every few decades or something?" "It's just...easier to use it all of the time. Switching names can be confusing." "I'll bet." They again became quiet, and then Nick glanced at the papers in front of his partner. "Did you get any new cases while I was gone?" The casualness of the question pleased Schanke, relaxing him. Perhaps they could get over what happened. "Yeah, we did. Two, actually. One's pretty cut and dry, but the second one...it just doesn't make any sense to me." He grabbed the report, handing it to his partner. From her office, Cohen watched the two detectives. Tonight, everything seemed back to normal. It was as if whatever had been between them had evaporated. Well, perhaps dissipated would be a better description--either way, at least now they were working together. She headed back into her office, still trying to figure out why she had given Knight so much time off, but not really caring considering him and Schanke were working together again and Knight seemed much more focused on his work. *+.*+.*+.*+.*+. LaCroix stood over his son's sleeping form, wondering what was to come of their time together. Would it be simply pushed away, never to be seen again? It was day when he'd made the decision to come, but he hadn't let the sun stop him. Neither would he allow it as he left. Nicholas' little problem with his partner had been resolved, and now it was, unfortunately, time for him to let Nicholas do what he wanted with his time. Turning and preparing to leave, he felt the other stir. Looking back, he watched as his son sat up. "Why didn't you take his memories away?" LaCroix hesitated a second. That had certainly not gone as planned, and, apparently, the mortal had spoken. "I decided to take a lead from you. You seem to be able to trust these mortals. Besides, he seemed...content with knowing what you were." Nick nodded. He and Schanke were getting along again, and he silently thanked LaCroix for not doing as asked. Watching as the other started toward the door, his curiosity got the better of him. "It's day...why did you come?" He saw the elder vampire stop, but there was no reply. Nick got out of the bed, slowly approaching LaCroix. He felt some of the emotions within the other, and many were those he hadn't intended. Stopping just within LaCroix' reach, he told him, "Stay, LaCroix. You can stay here for the day." "No. I will return to the Raven." He turned to leave, but was stopped by the younger vampire's touch on his arm. "Please, Nicholas. I don't want to push us any further apart than we are." "Neither do I, which is why I want you to stay." As LaCroix tried to pull away, Nick held tighter. Moving into the other's path, he considered what he should do for a moment, and then slowly closed the distance between them. "I really do want you to stay, LaCroix." With that, he kissed the other vampire, this time getting a response. Drawing back, he again said, "Please stay." With Nicholas so close, LaCroix couldn't refuse even had he wanted to. The younger kissed him again and, stepping back toward the bed, he followed without another thought. He inwardly smiled as his son pulled him closer and he felt Nicholas' tongue tease his fangs. Perhaps, just perhaps, he hadn't entirely lost Nicholas after all. ~finis~ Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed the story! Jarvinia jarvinia@gmx.com @>--,---`---